Cooking with Wild Game (LN) - Volume 1 - Chapter 1.1

Chapter 1: The Worst Dinner Imaginable

1

And so, that brings us back to the present.

I shook free from Reina and the firefighters and dove into the crimson blaze, so what exactly was I doing laying here like an idiot in some forest I’d never even seen before?

I had pushed my way through the roaring sea of flames and managed to make it all the way to the kitchen. Then I hastily grabbed my old man’s knife, but in that instant, the building collapsed with a tremendous cacophony of noise. I should’ve been crushed flat then, scorched by the flames and smoke as I held the knife tightly.

And yet, I couldn’t find a single burn or even so much as a scorch mark on my body. And on top of that I was holding my old man’s knife, which should’ve burned up along with me.

“I... guess this really is the afterlife, huh?”

I gave my cheek a pinch to check, and sure enough, it hurt.

Guess that makes sense. Whether this is the afterlife or whatever, it was at least clear that this was no dream or hallucination.

The smell of grass in the air was so strong it felt almost stifling. There was a humid, lukewarm breeze blowing. I could feel the sweat rolling down my cheek.

The knife’s white magnolia sheath felt smooth to the touch.

There’s no way this was some dream or hallucination...

“So then I really did die...?!” I yelled out to no one in particular, then collapsed back to the ground.

Well, guess it’s no surprise that I died. I mean, I went and dove into that sea of flames, so I suppose that’s the natural result.

Still, a fact remained that I couldn’t just turn a blind eye towards: The whole reason I had gone and done something so idiotic in the first place was because I didn’t want to see that hopeless expression on my old man’s face. But there was no point if I didn’t just lose the knife, but my life on top of it!

10 years ago he lost his wife to illness. Now he lost his shop, and his son, and even his precious Sakaki knife... So just what did he have left to live for?

I clutched the knife in its sheath tight with both hands, squeezed my eyes shut, and ground my teeth. If I didn’t do all that, I would have collapsed into an ugly, sobbing heap.

I’m sure Reina must be crying about now, too...

We’d grown up together like we were siblings, but now I’d never see her or the only family I had left, my old man, ever again. Just like my dad, I’d lost anything and everything.

What was even the point of my life...?

Just as that painful question flashed to mind, I heard a rustling from the nearby brush. This was followed by the unmistakable bellow of a beast. I slowly looked in that direction, still laying on my side. On the other side of the brush, in the dim darkness, two burning red glints shone back at me.

What’s that...? Is it some sort of demon or devil?

This place looked like a southern paradise, but maybe it was actually hell rather than heaven...

The animosity in those eyes was strong enough that I couldn’t help but think so.

Come on, give me a break... I didn’t do anything that bad back when I was alive, did I?

I got up nice and slow, so as not to provoke whatever it was that was staring at me.

And then... it finally showed itself.

Whoa...

It was a boar. Or well, something that looked a lot like one. The thing was a four-legged beast that looked just like a boar, and must have been about 200lbs. Its hard, wire-like fur was a brown so dark it almost looked black, and its hair stood up running from its head down its back like a mohawk. Its legs were short, but its thighs were quite thick. It had a squashed snout, with three sets of sharp tusks jutting out. The small eyes staring at me were fixed on the sides of its face. Its large body was short, stout, and round looking.

No matter how I looked at it, it looked just like a boar. And yet, it couldn’t be one... That was because there were two splendid white horns growing from its forehead, as if to form a pair with its tusks.

“Whoa...!”

When I saw it kicking off the ground with its hind legs out of the corner of my eye, I took off running as fast as I could. The boars I knew could apparently go upwards of 40 kilometers per hour, but what about this guy? And the boars I knew were omnivorous but didn’t tend to go after live prey, but would that hold true here?

While pondering such questions in the back of my mind, I ran desperately as fast as I could. I ran a whole lot back when I was alive, and now I’ve got to do it in the afterlife, too?

Maybe I didn’t have anything to fear now that I was already dead, but I’m sure getting stabbed by those horns and tusks would hurt a whole lot more than pinching my cheeks did.

And so, I ran as fast as I could. I may have had enough leeway to turn around, but instead I leapt over underbrush, shoved past branches, and darted between trees. I ran, and ran, and kept on running... And then, another disaster befell me.

“Waaah!”

Suddenly, the ground fell out from under me.

It was a pitfall.

The world was spinning, and I felt a dull shock running through my head and back. I had reached the bottom of the pit before I even knew what was going on.

“Owwwwww... Damn it, what the heck is going on here?!”

Now sprawled out on the bottom of the pit, I looked up overhead. I could see a circular cutout of the forest scenery. From eyeballing it, I’d guess the hole was around 3 meters deep. If this was manmade, it must have taken quite a bit of effort to put together.

“Damn it! Give me a break, already...”

Fortunately, it didn’t seem likely at this point that the boar-looking thing would fall in after me, so I stood up and tucked the knife into my coat. But then, a sudden hot pain shot through my right ankle. Looks like I must have sprained it when I fell.

I was thrown into the depths of this forest without even knowing what was going on, and was chased by some unknown creature, and then to top it all off I fell into a pit. And as a bonus, I even went and sprained my ankle!

Ugh, this is just the absolute worst. It’s so bad all I can do is laugh.

“No wait, this is no laughing matter!”

I couldn’t just laugh at the matter, so I got mad instead.

“Damn it! I don’t know if it’s a god or a devil doing this, but what’d I do to deserve this?! Did I really screw up that badly in life?! My death may not have been anything to brag about, but I can’t imagine I earned such a malicious punishment. Even if you’ve got some sort of problem with me, you could at least pick a bit nicer of a hell to throw me into!”

“You sure are a noisy one...”

That sudden voice was as much of a shock as getting hit in the head with a metal bat from behind. Suddenly, a dark silhouette appeared in my circular view of the sky overhead.

“What are you doing causing such a ruckus in a place like that...?” It was a young woman’s voice, but there was a masculine tone to it. It was a bit husky and blunt, but still had a pleasant sound to it. The sunlight filtering through the trees only provided backlighting, so I couldn’t quite tell what she looked like.

I decided to try to strike up a conversation, feeling truly relieved to find that there were people in this world.

“As you can see, I seem to have gotten caught in a pitfall. I don’t know who made it or why, but it sure is an awful prank on their part.”

After a short bit of silence, an unfriendly voice shot back, “I’m the one who set that trap...”

“Eh?”

“That trap was meant for catching giba, but a human won’t fill my belly... Do you have any idea how hard I worked to prepare that?”

“Huh? No, well you see... I’m sorry...? Wait, am I the one who should be apologizing here?”

There was no response.

“Right. But yeah, it was my bad, ruining all that hard work. I’m sorry. I’m apologizing already, so won’t you please help me out of here?”

“It shouldn’t be so deep that you can’t climb out on your own...”

The silhouette looked like it was about to leave, so I desperately called out, “No, wait! The thing is, I twisted my ankle when I fell! It’s nothing too bad, but it’s enough to keep me from climbing out of here! Sorry, but could you please lend me a hand?!”

“...That’s your issue. Just go ahead and take a dirt nap.”

The silhouette disappeared from view.

“Hey, hold on! That’s way too heartless! Come on, save me!”

There was no response.

Is she really going to leave me to die?

“Heeeey! I’m begging you! If you leave me here I’m gonna starve to death! If you have a heart, then come back and save me!”

“You truly are a noisy one...” the voice replied, still out of view.

It was then that a strange object suddenly dropped down and dangled in front of me. It was made of the vines that I had seen here and there about the forest. The thing was made out of five or so of them bundled together, and when I went to pull on it, it felt plenty sturdy.

“Hurry up and climb already.”

Oh, so she intended to save me from the very start, huh? What a mean-spirited woman. Is this what people call a tsundere?

At any rate, I let her mercy wash over me. The bizarre circumstances I found myself in just made me feel all the more grateful. I placed a foot on the wall while thinking how once I was out of here, I’d give her my wholehearted thanks.

My twisted ankle throbbed, but it wasn’t bad enough that I couldn’t bear it. At any rate, I desperately pulled myself up, the black soil crumbling beneath my feet as I went.

Still... I’m only getting more and more confused as to what’s going on here.

If this was hell, then it was awful strange for a savior to come rescue me from that predicament. Plus, my senses felt like they were working just like they did before I passed away, so the fact that I was dead just hadn’t quite sunk in.

Well, I’ve just got to do what I can, I guess, I thought as I wrung out the last of my strength to reach the surface.

And with that, I’d safely escaped the pitfall.

It had grown a good bit darker, so I figured night must be fast approaching.

“Owwwww... Ah, thank you. You really saved me!”

I flopped down on the ground, then bowed to my savior. She stood there staring at me imposingly, then without a word, she thrust what she was holding right in my face. It was the shining silver tip of a savage-looking blade.