Durarara!! - Volume 6 - Chapter 4.2

The Black Market Doctor Gets Sappy, Part Five

Please, have some tea as we wait, Mr. Shiki.

It’s all right. Everything will go smoothly with Celty on the case.

I would appreciate it if you didn’t scowl like that.

Please believe that I’m not just being lackadaisical.

In any case, we can’t do anything until the results become apparent. So if you hold onto hopeful optimism, that will at least cut down on the stress and fatigue as you wait. “Good fortune comes to he who laughs,” as the saying goes.

Actually, I’ll admit that I’m relieved to learn that the job you hired Celty for this time was protecting a young girl. If it had been the other way around, like “kill the guy going after her,” I very much doubt that Celty would have accepted it.

She does the courier job because she doesn’t have any better options, but in reality, Celty’s just a normal girl.

…Huh?

…Oh yes. Well, you do have a point.

That’s absolutely true.

The dullahan’s original job was to warn people of their coming demise. Depending on the type of legend, some of them were treated like Grim Reapers that collected the souls directly.

But that’s quite a different thing than just killing people left and right. You’re acting like she’s some kind of personification of death or a zombie, but the truth is, she’s a type of fairy.

…What kind of blood is in the basin…? You know…that’s a good question.

Hey, maybe it’s just tomato juice. Reality often turns out to be mundane.

By the way, Mr. Shiki, how do you know so much about dullahans?

I’ve heard that gamblers these days are intellectuals. Does that make you a card-carrying member of the intelligentsia?

Huh?

No, no, I wouldn’t call you yakuza.

After all, in the three-card game of karuta, the eight-nine-three cards, pronounced ya-ku-za, are the worst possible hand to have. It would be terribly rude of me to refer to you as the worst hand in the game to your face, wouldn’t it?

Look, it doesn’t really matter if you personally don’t mind or not.

The thing is, I’m not a naive enough dreamer to call you and your group “proper” old-school yakuza of the valorous type.

I don’t know how things work in other gangs, but there’s only a handful of people in the Awakusu-kai that I would consider to fit the “chivalrous” yakuza ideal, full of manly compassion, never harming innocent civilians, and not dealing any drugs whatsoever.

Oh, really? Mr. Akabayashi fits the type, even with the way he looks?

Well, anyway, given what I’ve just told you about how I see your group, maybe you understand why I’m hesitant to let Celty work with you.

And yes, I’ve given up on attempting to steer clear of you. If there’s any future incident where I screw something up working with you, it will have nothing to do with Celty.

So once you’ve finished dumping my body in Tokyo Bay, please don’t extend the punishment to her as well.

This is a personal request just to you, Mr. Shiki, since you’ve known both me and my father.

Tell Celty that my final words were “My soul is floating right around you, Celty. Just look for it. We’ll be living together forever, my dear.”

…What? What was that sigh for?

…

N-no, no, not at all!

I certainly don’t have any plans to get myself killed for a mistake!

…Sorry, that was thoughtless of me.

Your people didn’t have the chance to leave their own final words.

…Please don’t glare at me.

I don’t like the thought of someone doing such a grisly act in Ikebukuro, either.

…But asking purely out of personal curiosity, how did the three men die?

?

What’s this camera for?

…

Oh, there are pictures of the deceased on it?

And I’m supposed to look at them once, then delete them all?

Well, here goes…

…

…May they rest in peace.

I’ve seen all the pictures now.

May I give you my personal opinion?

Not as an unlicensed doctor, but as a longtime friend of Shizuo Heiwajima’s.

This isn’t his work.

…I’m not trying to defend him.

Yes, about a third of me wants to believe that he’s innocent…as his friend.

But that alone won’t be enough to persuade a man of your stature, would it?

If you want more concrete points of evidence, I have a few to list…

For example, let’s say that Shizuo flew into a big enough rage to want to kill a person.

A rage so tremendous that it might even envelop three members of the Awakusu-kai.

Well, I happen to think the bodies are remarkably well-preserved for that.

Take this body driven into the wall, for example. Shizuo has the arm strength to rip a guardrail out of the ground—if he drove someone’s face into the wall with all his force, you wouldn’t be able to identify the face of the victim. You wouldn’t even find a skull, I daresay.

The other bodies are relatively intact as well.

They do look like they were killed with bare hands.

But they’re just too pristine.

There’s almost no sign of a struggle from these…subordinates of yours, you said? Do you think that Shizuo could kill all three of them without any kind of response?

And this doesn’t look like one of his usual rages with some unlucky and tragic consequences this time. At least, not based on these photos. I mean, aside from the spot where the one body was driven into the wall, there’s essentially zero damage to the room.

…Plus, I can’t imagine why he would be in that building to start with.

I’ve never heard him say anything about going there.

And you don’t ever recall having beef with Shizuo, do you?

…So if it’s not Shizuo, then who would it be? As for that, I haven’t a clue. After all, it’s not my business to know who the Awakusu-kai have professional difficulties with at any moment.

That’s right.

I don’t know what sort of troubles the Awakusu-kai are in, and I have no intention to start learning now.

Only if it has something to do with Celty, that’s the only exception.

She popped back in yesterday for just a moment and took a spare helmet.

I’m assuming that means something happened to the first one.

I think that Celty’s gotten involved in something quite dangerous.

Oh no, this isn’t meant to be a complaint directed at you, Mr. Shiki.

And I’m not actually that worried about anything happening to Celty herself.

She’s very strong, as you know.

I just don’t want to see Celty’s grieving face.

Yes, I said face.

Just because she doesn’t have a head doesn’t mean she’s got no face. Or expression, I should say.

I can tell by her motions, by the mannerisms of the shadow that flickers around her. And I bet I’m the only one who can do that.

The thing is, Celty’s too kind for her own good.

In exchange for being extremely hardy herself, she gets incredibly upset when people she knows get hurt.

She might be extending this sense of sympathy to your young mistress already.

She looks horrified when she hears about children dying, even if they’re not related to her in any way.

It didn’t always used to be that way, but Celty’s changed in the last few years.

I suppose that coming into contact with people has made her more human.

I’m basically adrift from the concept of morality, so she probably wasn’t getting that much of an effect from me personally.

At any rate…

If I had to guess, I’d say that Celty’s probably above average for a human when it comes to caring for others.

When faced with the opportunity to save another person for no personal gain, most weigh that sacrifice based on factors like the labor involved, social standing, and personal safety.

But Celty has very, very little to weigh on that scale.

She doesn’t even have a head. The only things she can lose are her pride and a life without guilt. And because she lives a healthy lifestyle without pride or guilt, Celty saves people. If anything, she puts all her weight onto the “save” arm of the scale.

That’s what makes her so wonderful.

At the very least, I lack a human heart.

And Celty just keeps getting more and more lovely. She really is far too good for the likes of me.

Which is exactly why I don’t want anyone else to have her or for her to be sad. I don’t think that an unlicensed doctor like me is suited for Celty. But I still love her.

I guess what I’m saying is that if my name was on Celty’s scale as something else to lose, that would be a very heartwarming thing.

…Huh?

…Shiki? Mr. Shiki?

…Hello? Did you fall asleep?

No, you were just annoyed? Oh, well, that I understand.

If anything, I’d be worried if you sympathized with and understood my situation. If you were able to understand that, you’d see what makes Celty so lovable, thus making you my rival for her love.

So that’s Celty’s personality in a nutshell. Have no fear.

If Celty’s found Akane Awakusu, she will protect the girl with everything she has.

Even if the Awakusu-kai rescinded its contract for this job.