Durarara!! - Volume 9 - Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Iza

Along Kawagoe Highway, Shinra’s apartment

“Today was just terrible…”

Celty was typing onto the computer screen, while it was her live-in partner, Shinra Kishitani, whose voice actually filled the room.

“Are you all right, Celty?! Your sadness is my sadness! As the saying goes, ‘A wife’s words can move mountains,’ which means the woman of the house actually has the most say in everything! I know we haven’t had a wedding yet, but you are essentially my wife, and your laments have my heart twisted in agonizing knots! But, Celty, you’re…koff…ugh…”

It was Shinra’s usual sort of rant but delivered without his usual intensity. His voice gave out abruptly, and Celty raced over to him to see what was the matter.

“Oh, sorry, Celty. It’s all right; I just got a glob of saliva down my windpipe…”

“Oh…that’s good. I’m sorry—I shouldn’t be complaining when you’re in this state…”

She was looking down at her partner, who was completely bedridden.

After a recent attack, Shinra was left with broken bones all over and significant internal damage. He had spent a full week at the Nebula Medical Research Facility before he was declared stable enough to recover at home.

Normally, he should have been at a regular hospital, but as a black market doctor, Shinra’s apartment already had some medical devices. Plus, this way he didn’t have to answer any uncomfortable questions.

He was able to hold conversations as usual, but everything else required Celty’s help, plus the occasional extra hand from his stepmother, Emilia.

Things were tough for Shinra. Celty hadn’t been able to figure out how the bedpan worked at first, so she’d just lifted him entirely over to the bathroom with her shadows. When she’d tried to cook porridge for him, the result had been more like a burned cracker. But by now, things had settled down, and life was returning to normal for Celty, bit by bit.

That didn’t mean she was mentally back to her regular self, however.

“I’ll work to make up for your absence, Shinra!” she claimed and rushed off to run jobs between her shifts attending to him—though that was really just an excuse to get outside.

Celty’s real goal was to gather information about whoever had attacked Shinra. Her driving force was the rage she felt at her beloved being injured. Perhaps sensing what was going on with her, Shinra did his best to look lively and happy.

“But the traffic cops are out in force these days, so you should be even more careful than usual.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“There’s not a single thing for you to apologize for! If anything, I should apologize for not being able to jump up and hold you!”

As a matter of fact, the first time he tried to force himself up to leap on Celty, he doubled over in pain and heard the sounds of his own body creaking under the pressure of his weight. Once Celty threatened to leave him if he kept hurting himself, he finally calmed down and behaved.

Shinra was flat on his back with a special kind of bed desk that allowed him to use the computer from a prone position so that he could see the record of Celty’s messages. He grinned happily.

“I’m so glad you came back safe and sound, though. That knowledge is the best medicine I could have, Celty.”

“Shinra…”

“Even these last few days, hearing you talk about what happened outside really eases the pain for me. From Shizuo’s impostor to the girl with pyrokinesis, the ordinary stuff and the weird stuff—it’s like you’re taking me to all these different worlds through your stories. It’s silly for a doctor to claim that illness starts in the mind, but I really feel like you’re the best medicine I could ever have.”

His words were more wonderful than Celty could process but also more gut-wrenching.

Shinra’s injuries were far more serious than his smiles would suggest. Nebula’s experimental painkillers should have been easing most of the pain, but the injuries themselves weren’t going to heal anytime soon.

It could be a month until full recovery—or three or maybe six. Would there be lingering effects? Celty knew nothing about medicine, so she couldn’t say.

What have I been doing all this time…?

Couldn’t she have worked as Shinra’s assistant in his illegal doctoring business rather than running courier jobs? That would have at least given her some skills that might have come in handy now.

The emotions that came over her were wild and conflicting: Each time, it was Shinra’s words that eased her mind but also gripped her conscience with guilt. However, Shinra never demanded any responsibility from Celty. He could sense her anguish and tried to steer the conversation away from touchy topics in a subtle attempt to show her she wasn’t at fault for what had happened.

“Maybe I had this coming.”

“Coming…? What do you mean? Yeah, what you do for a living is illegal, but the punishment for that happens when you get arrested and sentenced. You aren’t hurting people…well, except for the time you did surgery on Mika’s face…and all the other bad stuff you’ve done…But…anyway, if you turn yourself in, then I’ll summon my courage and surrender to that cop, as frightening as it is to me! We’ll be in prison together!”

“…Prisons aren’t coed, Celty.”

“No way!” she hastily typed.

Shinra’s expression softened, and he explained, “I meant, maybe I had it coming because of Izaya.”

“Izaya?”

“When he got stabbed and hospitalized, he called me, and I basically shut him down, didn’t I? My friend got stabbed, and I hardly felt any concern for him at all. So I probably had this coming.”

“No way…Izaya totally earned what he got! Everybody hates him for a reason! He practically wears karma as an outfit every day he steps outside!”

It was an odd analogy, but Shinra merely chuckled and looked up at the ceiling. “I suppose you’re right. And I doubt that Izaya expects he’ll live to die of old age.”

“Of course not.”

“And yet, he’s still one of the few friends I have…”

“I feel like the problem is that you’re friends with him in the first place…,” Celty said, then realized that the man she was talking to was in love with her—a headless monster—and she mimicked heaving a sigh.

“Okay, you’ve known Izaya since you were both in middle school, right?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know much about him at that age… Was he always like that?”

“Ah. I’m not sure what to say. In middle school, Izaya was the type not to make contact with others. Even now, I doubt he has anyone he can truly speak the honest truth to,” Shinra said, face pensive as he considered the friend he’d known for over a decade. “I’d bet I’m the one he’s actually talked to longest, over the course of his life…

“So I suppose the only people who would know the younger Izaya better than I do would be…his family.”

Ikebukuro, near Rakuei Gym

“Hey, Big Brother Iza! Die!” a cheerful voice called out.

Simultaneously, a foot launched itself at the back of Izaya’s neck in a vicious high kick.

“…!”

He dodged it in the nick of time and sighed, his usual detached smirk gone. “I can’t believe you’d tell your own immediate family member to die. It’s so sad. Since when did you get to be one of those inmates in the asylum of our depraved, detached modern society, Mairu?”

“Wow, I can’t believe I’m being lectured by illness in human form! And you’re not supposed to dodge!” grumbled a girl with a braid, dressed in a black karate gi. A moment later, another girl in regular clothes appeared.

“…Brother… Well…?” [Big Brother, how are you doing?]

“My own sister just tried to break my neck. How do you think I am?” Izaya replied.

The girl with the glasses dressed for karate—Mairu Orihara—puffed out her cheeks. “Well, Shizuo said that if you went crashing into a dump truck with a smile on your face, he’d introduce us to Yuuhei! I was just trying to see if there was a way to fake it and fool him!”

“Well, this is remarkable. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone killing their own brother as a means of meeting a celebrity.”

“Hey, you might not actually die! Shizuo could get run over by a dump truck and survive!”

“Please don’t act like every person is a talking golem made of steel like he is—and that might be paying him a compliment he doesn’t deserve. At any rate, you’d better get out of the middle of the street or a car will hit you well before any dump trucks come along.” Izaya played the brotherly role, concealing his disgust at the mention of Shizuo’s name with nothing more than narrowed eyes.

That was careless of me. When he dropped me off at Rakuei Gym, I should have imagined that Mairu would be here, Izaya thought, annoyed at himself.

His sisters glared at him. “All I did was head outside to make sure Akane left safely, and then you’re getting out of the Awakusu-kai’s car like that! Whatever happened to all the excitement about you possibly getting buried in the mountains?!” Mairu protested.

The other girl, Kururi Orihara, looked away and mumbled, “…Further… Sisters… Passed…” [Plus, you didn’t even notice us.]

“Hey, you two are doing all kinds of stuff behind my back, aren’t you? How much is Namie paying you? This is why giving kids big allowances is a bad idea.”

“You can’t lecture me about that, Bro, not after you made a bunch of money running a gambling ring for baseball during middle school!” Mairu shot back, sticking her tongue out like a child.

Kururi hesitantly dipped her tongue out as well. Izaya groaned.

“I can’t imagine who influenced you to turn out so twisted,” he mumbled to himself. “On the other hand, viewed objectively, you make quite interesting observation subjects—”

He suddenly noticed something odd.

Mairu and Kururi were both looking behind him, mouths open as if to grunt in surprise.

“…!”

His honed instincts told him to spin around. And not just turn but to lean his center of gravity so that he could leap out of the way.

His decision was the correct one.

Before he even saw anything, the shift in the air told the hair on his skin about its presence.

A roundhouse kick toward his face.

His instincts had warned him of the oncoming attack before his sense of reason did. And this kick was several times more powerful than the one Mairu had just tried to use on him.

As his front half snapped backward like a spring, he sensed the shoe of the kicker grazing the tip of his nose. Just that sensation alone was enough to make half his face go numb, but he couldn’t stop there.

Izaya chose to escape via the ground, laying his body horizontal and tumbling to the asphalt like a gymnast. Immediately, a series of heels struck the ground, following his path as he rolled. It was like a scene from some Jackie Chan movie.

Within a few seconds, Izaya was back on his feet some distance away, a knife now in his hands. He looked at his attacker cautiously but wore a smile on his lips. “Ah, good. From the look on my sisters’ faces, I thought it might be Shizu at first.”

“I see. And will that be your last will and testament?” said his opponent, a man in a black dogi with facial stubble.

Mairu spoke to the man with obvious familiarity. “Master, why are you out here?”

“You girls stay back. I’m going to kick your brother to the curb. I don’t think you want to see your family member beat to crap.”

The man—Mairu’s martial arts teacher, Eijirou Sharaku—cracked his neck and took a threatening step toward Izaya.

“Who, this guy? We don’t care…”

“…Affirmed…” [Yeah.]

“I guess it was foolish of me to expect familial love from either of you,” Izaya snapped, his cheek twitching.

But his sisters weren’t done. “But to you, me and Kuru and Mom and Dad are no better than strangers when it comes to your targets for observation, aren’t we? If you’re going to treat all of humanity exactly the same, you can’t expect your family to love you back!”

“…Sad…” [What a sad man.]

“This isn’t the time or place for that— Whoa!”

He had to lean away to avoid another fierce kick from Eijirou. They were attacks that any beginner to martial arts would be helpless to stop, but with all his concentration focused on the task, Izaya was just able to dodge and hold a conversation at the same time.

“Doesn’t seem to reflect well on your profession that you’re attacking an amateur out on the street, Eijirou.”

“So, you’re going to claim that a guy who can dodge my attacks and carries a knife around with him is just a harmless amateur?”

There was naked, deadly malice in the karate master’s repeated attacks, but his face didn’t reflect it. His eyes were tired and annoyed, as if everything in the world was just a bother to him. “And what kind of guy forgets what he did to a man’s beloved sister and just strolls right past that man’s dojo expecting to be treated well?” he snapped.

“It’s a public street, isn’t it? And I don’t remember any permanent scars being left on Mikage.”

“Whether you violated her or not isn’t the point. It was that damn mouth of yours that caused her to quit school! Or have you forgotten about that?”

He wasn’t Shizuo Heiwajima, but Eijirou Sharaku was certainly dangerous to cross.

And more to the point, if Shizu spots me getting into trouble here, I’m screwed.

He knew it was time to extract himself from the situation and decided to exploit his foe through dialogue.

“If you want me to feel the same way you did, then I’m not the target of your revenge. It should be my sisters, right? Just go to them and use your clever wits to convince them to do whatever it is you want. Then you might just get me to double over.” Izaya chuckled.

“How could you, Big Brother Iza?! You’d sell your own sisters?! Plus, doubling over is what you do when you’re laughing!”

“…Sinister…” [You’re the worst.]

“And this is coming from the sister who told me to die so that she could meet her favorite celebrity.” Izaya snorted.

But Eijirou did not find any of this funny. He glared at the other man with those sluggish eyes of his.

“I wouldn’t dare mess with a precious pupil of mine, even if they’re related to the scum of the earth.”

“Master…”

“And in another five years, when your body has properly ripened, then I might think about it!”

“Amazing work, Master! You shifted my opinion of you from shining to rock-bottom in three seconds!”

Eijirou did not reply to Mairu’s “encouragement.” Instead, he assumed the odd, unique stance of the Rakuei Dojo, preparing to continue to assault—when a third party’s roundhouse kick hit him on the back of the head.

“Gwuh?!”

The kick wasn’t at full power, so Eijirou merely fell forward rather than passing out. When he understood who’d kicked him, he shouted, “M-Mikage! What the hell was that for?! Don’t tell me you’ve still got a thing for him!”

It was a tomboyish woman with short, spiky hair. There was cool anger in her expression as she surveyed her older brother and said, “Listen to you, out in public yelling about me being violated or whatever… Are you simply the type of person who cannot learn the concept of delicacy and propriety unless it kills you?”

“N-no, wait! I understand the theory that the only good me is a dead me, but are you sure it’s true?! Consider the source of your information before you allow false rumors to lead you astray!”

“Shut up, you moron. Fighting in the middle of the street? Are you completely dedicated to destroying our reputation?”

“Oh, and I suppose sucker kicking your brother in the back of the head makes you a paragon of honor?!” Eijirou protested as he got to his feet.

“A martial artist should be on battle footing in all his daily endeavors, right? You’re going to complain that you couldn’t sense a sneak attack?”

“You think that means you’re allowed to just do anything you want to me?! What’s next? Are you gonna headshot me with a rifle from a rooftop and say, ‘This is a battle, not a game. Guns are fair play’?! I suppose then some little kid could light Traugott’s house on fire, and that would make him the new fighting champion of the world! Wow, this be-ready-at-all-times philosophy sure is wild! Wait, where was I going with this…?”

“First of all, he would just walk out of the flames unsinged, and he’d also dodge any bullet. Plus, none of those arguments are a defense for why you let yourself get hit by my attack, nor are they excuses for the way you just humiliated me in public,” Mikage said, sound effects of menace practically visible in the air behind her.

“Wait, Mikage! There’s just one thing I want to get straight first.”

“…What is it?” she asked, pausing in her approach when she saw how serious her brother looked.

“Are you saying…you’ve never been with a man?”

“…”

“Not even a kiss?”

“…”

““…””

Mikage said nothing. Mairu and Kururi also awaited the answer with bated breath.

But what emerged from Mikage’s mouth was not related to the question.

“Die.”

“You’d tell your own brother to d— Whoa!”

Eijirou parried the fist that came rushing for his Adam’s apple, but that was only the first of a series of blows to his vital points from every limb Mikage had.

“Hey, whoa, geez—dang, is there no end to this combo? Come on, wow, what was that? Was that new?! Does it have a name like ‘Something or Other Dance’ or ‘Flowing Purgatory’ or something! Yow! Yow! Yow!”

Mikage executed a combination of attacks that never stopped, and Eijirou accurately parried them all as he jabbed at her. Mairu and Kururi watched this choreographed sibling argument, entranced, until they remembered their own brother was here.

Except that when they looked around, he wasn’t anymore. There were only casual observers, taking in the spectacle from a safe distance.

Along Kawagoe Highway, Shinra’s apartment,

“…And that’s what Izaya’s sisters are like. I bet even he thinks they’re more than he can handle.”

“I’ve never heard of twins who were so…fictional…,” Celty typed, hardly able to believe the stories Shinra was telling her.

“I think it was about the time we were at Raijin High that Kururi and Mairu became the way they are now. They were still early in elementary school at that point.”

“Oh.”

“I bet even Izaya understands that his sisters are the way they are partially due to his influence,” Shinra said, reminiscing. Celty was sitting with her legs folded next to his head, affording him a glimpse of knees and thighs. Her shadow-made riding suit was 100 percent flush to her skin, making her silhouette very accurate to the flesh. The sight was making Shinra fidgety.

“What do you suppose Izaya said to his twin sisters when they were just about to start grade school? He said, ‘You’re identical in every way. Is there even a point to living the exact same life?’ And he did it in a way that five-year-old girls would understand.”

“Sounds like he got himself up to some shenanigans that any set of twins in the nation would strangle him for…”

“Actually, I don’t think he bore them any malice as twins. He probably just wanted to see them look depressed or start fighting or something. Not to hurt them but just because he wanted to see it.”

“I know you think that’s vouching for him, but it only makes him sound worse…,” said Celty’s message, typed from the PDA and traveling through the home network to the screen of the laptop that Shinra could see from his bed. This made the conversation smoother, as she didn’t have to show him her PDA each time.

“But where Izaya went wrong is that he didn’t realize the girls were more abnormal than he thought.”

“Abnormal?”

“They split up their personal features by rolling dice, hoping to be a combination of only good things. They believed that people help fill in each other’s flaws. The impressive thing is that they’ve been trying it for a decade now.”

“It’s kind of…touching? Should I be saying that?” Celty wondered, crossing her arms.

Shinra stared at the ceiling for a while, then conjectured, “Maybe…they were hoping Izaya would like them, at the beginning.”

“What?”

“Sometimes the only thing worse than anger from a family member is disappointment. My dad often said that the disappointment he sensed from me and my mom was really hard, every time he experienced it.”

Celty thought of Shinra’s father—a freakish man who wore a white gas mask everywhere—and typed gingerly, “Well…he certainly does a lot to make himself a disappointment.”

“When you’ve got young girls who are looking up to their much older brother, and he asks them, ‘What’s the point of being a twin?’ you can bet they’re going to do whatever they can to win his favor.”

“So you’re saying they tried to become complete human beings to make their brother happy?” Celty guessed.

Shinra nodded as best as he could from a prone position, then winced. “It feels like they mixed up the means and the end at some point. They’re so obsessed with being the perfect person that they’ve already drifted away from Izaya. As proof of that, now they’re fawning over Yuuhei Hanejima, the perfect superhuman. Honestly, it’s a waste for them to be stuck in the palm of Izaya’s hand anyway.”

“Well, I don’t know much about those twins, but if you say so, then I’m sure it’s true. Then again, I don’t know who is suited to dancing on Izaya’s palm.”

“Are you sure? Couldn’t that be what we’ve been doing all along?”

“If it happens, I’ll jam my scythe into the tender flesh under his fingernails,” she typed.

“You’re quite the extremist.” Shinra laughed, but her reply caught him by surprise.

“I’ll make sure I free you from the palm of his hand, even if I can’t join you. Don’t worry, Shinra.”

For a moment, Shinra’s mouth hung agape as he tried to process that statement.

Then it sank in. He mulled it over in his head, and his sense of reason crumbled.

“Celtyyy! Please, you can’t talk about leaving me alone; it’s just too saaa-agh!”

Shinra?!

He bolted upright, shrieking, and Celty had to forget about her typing to hold his body still.

“Ouch… I can’t imagine a world with you-oogh… Parting is such bitter sorrow…hrg… Despair…”

“Just stop moving! Look, I’m sorry! I think I understand what you mean! I was just kidding! We’ll run away together! Together forever! Just stop worrying!” she typed frantically into her PDA and thrust it in Shinra’s face. Meanwhile, her shadow was busy cradling Shinra’s body firmly under the blanket.

“I’m sorry, Celty. I’m calm now, I’m calm now…”

The slapstick routine was heartwarming in a way, but the sound of Shinra’s agonized groans refused to leave Celty’s mind.

“Just leave all the chores to me and focus on resting. I’ve cleared things up with the Awakusu-kai, so they’re not going to rush any of their patients to you.”

“Don’t overwork yourself, either, Celty.”

“I’m fine. I’m turning down any jobs that would keep me away from home for long periods.”

Just then, Celty’s PDA buzzed with the ringtone she used for messenger jobs. It was a new line of work for her, and the clients who used it were very limited in number.

She felt a streak of extreme foreboding. The idiom speak of the devil flashed through her mind, which seemed to suggest that Shinra’s way of thinking had infected her—and one glance at the screen showed her that the premonition was correct.

The name Izaya Orihara was displayed there. Reluctantly, she replied to the message.

Celty@MonHun Long Sword Main: What do you want?

Izaya Orihara: …Are you playing a video game?

Then Celty realized her handle name was still set up for the sake of her online game friends, and she hurriedly fixed the text string.

Celty@: It’s not what you think. Shinra’s the crafter and gunner; I just use my sword to cut off the tails.

Izaya Orihara: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Realizing how completely confused she was, she frantically sat up, took the time that a normal human being would use to breathe deeply, then corrected herself.

Celty@Actual Work: Sorry. What do you want?

Izaya Orihara: You seem strangely adept at changing your username. Anyway, I wanted to hire you for a job.

Celty@Actual Work: I decline.

Izaya Orihara: I wish you wouldn’t be so dismissive of me.

Celty@Temporarily Closed: I don’t have time to take on your shady jobs. Sorry.

Izaya Orihara: Well, well.

Izaya Orihara: Too busy taking care of Shinra, perhaps?

Celty went still.

…How does Izaya know about Shinra’s injuries? I mean, he is an info dealer, but…did Shinra tell him himself?

While she mulled this over, Izaya continued messaging.

Izaya Orihara: Based on the delay in your response, I’ve got a guess as to what you’re thinking.

Izaya Orihara: “How does he know that Shinra is hurt?”

Celty@Temporarily Closed: What’s going on? Are you involved in this?

Celty@Temporarily Closed: If tha

Celty@Temporarily Closed: If that’s the case, I’ll sew your eyes and mouth shut with shadow and hand you over to Shizuo.

Izaya Orihara: Let’s not get hasty. Type calmly, please. And by the way, it wasn’t me. Even I’m not stupid enough to attempt to maim or kill one of the few friends I have.

Izaya Orihara: But I am an info dealer, so I do have some level of insight as to who and how you might’ve been targeted. I might be able to strike a little deal.

Celty@Temporarily Closed: Really?

Izaya Orihara: Of course, you’ll have to run a little job for me in return.

Celty@Temporarily Closed: You’re going to give me information on the guy who hurt your own friend as payment for running a job for you?!

Izaya Orihara: Well, I’m sticking my neck out doing this. I’m not running a charity.

Izaya Orihara: So what do you say? Interested in hearing more?

Celty@Temporarily Closed: What time and place?

“What’s the matter, Celty?” Shinra asked, seeing her frozen in place with the PDA in hand. “It’s Izaya, isn’t it? Is he asking you to do another crazy job?”

“Well, it is from Izaya, but it doesn’t seem to be a big deal. I’m going to step out for a bit.”

“Um, Celty…?” he called out. She was getting up in a hurry. “Did Izaya say something to you?”

“Uh, I just told you… He’s got a job for me.”

“May I see your PDA?”

“How do you think you’re reading this?” Celty replied, nonplussed.

But Shinra’s expression was quite serious. “No, I want you to show me the messages you were just trading with him.”

“You want to violate my privacy? What, do you think I’m cheating on you with Izaya?”

“…Celty…you know I can tell when you’re lying, right?” he said simply, but there was power and a kind of sadness to his words.

“…Well…all right.”

Celty was perfectly capable of leaving with her secret intact, but she couldn’t just turn her back on Shinra after hearing that tone in his voice. She gave up, switched the PDA screen over to the message history, and showed it to him.

“…Figures. I knew it was something like that.”

“I’m sorry. I thought you’d try to stop me, so…”

“Well, of course I would…but then you’d just say sorry and rush out the door, wouldn’t you?”

“…I’m sorry,” she said, shriveling as she realized he could completely see through her.

But Shinra only gazed warmly at her, a soft smile on his lips.

“On the other hand, I’m used to getting dragged around by his wicked schemes. It’s been happening since middle school.”

“Huh?”

“I’d like to know the reason I was attacked, too…but I don’t want to place any burden on you. So I was going to stop you at first, but if that won’t work, then I’m going along with it.”

Indeed, there was nothing but acceptance in his features. Slowly, he raised his bandaged body, grimacing with pain, and traced the nape of Celty’s neck.

“Let’s show whoever broke in here what we’re made of—together. I can’t move from this spot, but I can at least use my brain.”

“But if it really is one of Izaya’s schemes…”

“Like I just said, if we’re only dancing on the palm of Izaya’s hand, then at least I’m with you, Celty.”

“Shinra…”

Warmth filled the space between them. Shinra could have stayed there for an eternity, but he had one thing he needed to set straight.

“Promise me, Celty. If you find out who the attacker was, don’t go charging in alone. You must return here at least once. Even if Izaya brings you a guy standing right there and says he’s the one.”

“And what will happen if I break this promise? Will you decide you hate me?” she asked, even though she had no intention of breaking it.

Shinra’s head shook left and right. “I would never hate you, would I?”

“What would you do, then?”

“If you break this promise…”

“Then what…?”

Shinra paused before describing her penalty.

“There will be…tears.”

“Huh?”

“Much wailing…and gnashing of teeth…by me.”

“By you?!” she quickly wrote, but he didn’t appear to be joking.

“Yes. If you betrayed me, I would be heartbroken! A man in his midtwenties would be wailing and blubbering! Sagamihara downstairs is going to come up and ask what all the fuss is about! Do you want to see a grown man acting this way?”

“Um, I’ll admit it. I don’t wish to see that…”

She leaned sideways, unsure of how to react. After Shinra’s next statement, her backbone turned to ice.

“Also, I can complain to your online game friends and make things very uncomfortable in your little guild.”

“Understood. I will keep my promise. Rest assured of that,” Celty replied at once. She briskly prepared to leave, then headed out of the apartment.

She had to admit that Shinra’s final penalty was very harsh indeed—but the fact that he knew her well enough that he could pinpoint such a precise issue made her glow on the inside.

Chat room

Kuru: We have waited for quite some time, but Kanra still shows no sign of appearing.

Mai: No-show.

Kuru: What a truly obnoxious boor, showing up and wreaking havoc when not expected and never being available when one has a need to talk. The utility of the Internet is that it fosters communication between distant people. Is it possible that Kanra has grown not just physically distant but emotionally as well? What a sad state of affairs.

Mai: Sad.

Kuru: Now we must record our frustrations with the world to improve our mood. For example, why is it that the convenience store carries so many cashews and almonds but hardly ever a hint of walnuts? Particularly when mixed-nut packages have the entire trio of cashews, almonds, and walnuts!

Mai: It doesn’t matter.

Mai: Eep.

Mai: That was naughty, Kuru.

Kuru: Oh, really? So merely a light pinch on the calf is enough for you to label me lascivious? I can see where your mind goes. One wonders what sort of places I could pinch that would elicit accusations of harlotry! Perhaps an experiment is in order.

Mai: Stop, stop, stop.

Sharo has entered the chat.

Sharo: Enough of that, you little sluts.

Sharo: Stop harassing each other online already.

Mai: Hello.

Kuru: Oh my, at last another person comes along, and it’s the one I don’t wish to see.

Sharo: Well, most humblest of humble apologies for not living up to your expectations, princess.

Sharo: Kakh! Ptu!

Kuru: Either your digital glob of spit marks you as an absolute lout or an online wizard capable of conjuring a wide and precise range of emotions… In either case, my disgust is a simple fact that cannot be avoided.

Mai: Spit is gross.

<Private Mode> Sharo: By the way, Mairu and Kururi…

<Private Mode> Kuru: Oh my, whatever is the matter, Eijirou Sharaku?

<Private Mode> Mai: What’s up, Master?

<Private Mode> Sharo: You guys really do trade personalities online…

<Private Mode> Sharo: But anyway, has your brother still been AWOL after that meeting?

<Private Mode> Mai: Yes.

<Private Mode> Kuru: As a matter of fact, it had already been ages when we saw him this morning.

<Private Mode> Sharo: Ah. See, I thought he had vanished into Shinjuku…

<Private Mode> Sharo: So what was he doing in Ikebukuro today?

<Private Mode> Kuru: Who knows? We might be family, but we don’t watch him all the time…

<Private Mode> Mai: He seems to be doing something with the Awakusu-kai.

<Private Mode> Sharo: I see…

<Private Mode> Sharo: Well, if you find out what he’s plotting in Ikebukuro, tell me.

<Private Mode> Kuru: Very well. It pains us, as his sisters.

<Private Mode> Kuru: To think of our uncontrollable brother being set loose on the town…

<Private Mode> Kuru: On the other hand, speaking of the relationship between you and Mikage…

<Private Mode> Sharo: Not talking about that. It’s not meant for this avenue anyway.

<Private Mode> Sharo: It’s not up to me to say. Ask in person at tomorrow’s practice.

<Private Mode> Sharo: And you oughta get some exercise, too, Kururi.

<Private Mode> Sharo: You’ve got better proportions than Mairu, so it’d give me something to look at.

<Private Mode> Kuru: Oh my, sexually harassing teenage girls online.

<Private Mode> Mai: Disappointed.

<Private Mode> Mai: Disappointed in my master.

<Private Mode> Sharo: C’mon, the Internet’s all about being more open, right?

Kuru: How can this be? Sharo is sexually harassing me in private mode. The overwhelming shame and degradation has my brain in a heat expansion that threatens to rupture my skull from within. His words are a curse upon me… They are like claws that rip my clothes as I slumber peacefully in the virtual society that is the World Wide Web!

Mai: It’s awful.

Mai: I’m going to tell on you.

Mai: To your sister.

Sharo: Stop, stop, stop! Fine, I get it! My bad! I was just kidding around, geez. Guess it’s my fault for not doing a sexual harassment bit with someone who realizes when a joke is a joke. Clearly, I must be the bad guy here!

Sharo: You guys make a good pair.

Mai: We’re not a pair.

Kuru: We are essentially two halves of one person. It would be rude to any proper pair to compare us to them. So although there are none present, please apologize to them.

Sharo: Why would I do that?! Then again, it’s way easier to apologize when no one’s there.

Saika has entered the chat.

Saika: good evening

Sharo: Eek! Saika’s here?!

Saika: huh

Saika: i’m sorry, have i caused you trouble

Kuru: No, there’s nothing to be concerned about here. As you’ll see from the backlog, it is just Sharo acting in an embarrassing manner on his own.

Kuru: By the way, Saika, I wanted to ask you something.

Saika: what is it

Kuru: I haven’t seen Setton in here for about ten days. Do you know anything about that?

Saika: no

Saika: i don’t really know

Saika: probably busy

Kuru: I see. I was merely wondering, as many of the old-guard members have not been present lately.

Saika: that reminds me, is TarouTanaka doing well

Mai: Haven’t seen him.

Kuru: No, I haven’t seen him at all, either. I suppose his exceedingly boring name made me forget about him! It really does seem like this chat room is undergoing a generational shift. It would be a shame, when we just brought in new members to make the place livelier.

Kuru: Now it looks like the successors have simply pushed the original members out.

Mai: Let’s make it fun.

Mai: I’m sleepy.

Kuru: Oh my, look at the time. How did it get so late?

Kuru: We shall have to continue this tomorrow. Drugs and lack of sleep are the skin’s worst enemy.

Kuru: Speaking of which, I’ve heard of a group selling drugs in the city these days…

Saika: are they pharmacists

Sharo: Uh, we’re not talking about door-to-door salesmen here, lol.

Kuru: …We can explain it later. But if any of you are friends with Setton or TarouTanaka in real life, please do convince them to pop in here again!

Kuru: Online chat is only fun when you have plenty of people to bring together!

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