A Message from the Saint (Final)
I’ve been thinking about atonement.
Up until now, it was a topic that never even crossed my mind.
No, it would be more accurate to say I decided to forget about it. You see, long ago, I chose to reconstruct the world in order to make up for my sins. However, I was never able to forgive the innocent masses for theirs.
I wasn’t able to bear the weight of having to shoulder everything alone. And so I destroyed everything.
But now, having survived, I realize something.
I was in the wrong. And not only that, but I’ve also always known I was.
What a terrifying thing that is to realize.
People died. Countless throngs of them, savagely butchered. Corpses piled up thousands high, and in the end, even the world itself broke. Tens of thousands of sobbing voices filled the air. Some died trying to save others. Some died trying to save themselves. But they died all the same.
And it was my fault. Mine, and mine alone.
The Mad King told me something. “Lucky you,” he said. “You got everything you ever wished for.”
And so I did.
But you see, that wasn’t it.
I wanted everything to be destroyed.
But I never wanted this.
I’m well aware how contradictory that is. But no matter how many times I reconsider my answer, it never changes.
You…you, who’s been listening to my message all this time. I told you, didn’t I?
I never loved you people—
—and certainly not enough to want to leave you with my words.
Those were my true feelings; they really were. That was my wish. I cursed you. A curse on everything, and a curse on you.
But I never wanted to soil my hands. I never wanted to cause you such profound pain. I never wanted to wrench your chests open and gaze upon your still-beating hearts.
And I swear, I never wanted to kill you.
I didn’t want to hear your laughter—
—but I didn’t want to hear your screams, either.
That was the long and short of it.
That was how I truly felt.
I know it seems late for me to be realizing that now. But that’s the way things are.
By the way, the Mad King told me something else, too.
He told me that I “chose” to be alone.
I needed to understand what he meant by that. I needed to learn about this person who he said he liked. But in doing so, I came to realize something else.
I was ignorant. I should have known everything, yet I let so many things slip between the cracks.
Will you…hear me out?
O ye who never once replied?
I hated you. I cursed you. I told you to go die.
And yet—
And yet, even so…
Hearing this from me now probably won’t do you any good. But these are my true feelings, so I beg you to lend me your ear.
Please survive.
Please survive as long as you can.
Even once the next ugly war takes this fragile little world in its grasp.
And thank you for listening to my message.
I waited and waited and waited, but no answer ever came.
Yet even so, the fact that I had someone listening to me was what saved me.
This will be my final message.
To you, and to all others who bear life—
—may you suffer my curse—
—and may you find blessings enough that it will not break you.
And thank you—
—for being born unto this world I reconstructed—
—and for fighting back against my hatred.
Good-bye.
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