My Boyfriend Is a Specialist
Tears spilled from the girl’s eyes. “Unk... Hkk...” As she lay splayed on her bed, paging through the telephone book, she thought back on what had happened after school that day:
“Sorry, Mizuki.” In the six months they’d been dating, she’d never heard him sound so callous. “I just don’t think we work together. We have different... values, I guess...”
“Are you dating Chidori Kaname in Class 4 after all?!” she’d asked.
“No, of course not. This is a girl in another class... Come on, it doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me! I can’t live without you, Shirai-kun!”
“Sure you can,” he’d told her easily. “There’s got to be someone better for you out there.”
“But you said you loved me! What happened to that?!”
“I... I meant it when I said it. But now, I just... I’m really sorry.”
“You’re disgusting, Shirai-kun. Selfish, stupid...!” she whispered hoarsely, before taking out her cell phone to punch in the number for Pizza-Le Shibasaki.
“Hic... I’d like to place an order for pizza delivery: ten large Mandalay curry pizzas, and ten large Nesso-styles. The name? Oh... Shirai. My address is...” She gave the address and phone number, then hung up. She then placed orders at the soba noodle shop Kirishima-ya, the sushi place Nadashio, and the Chinese restaurant Enra Daikyosatsu.
“...Hic. Shirai, third block in the second district. Yes, I’ll be there. Thank you.” She set down her phone, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “Goodbye, Shirai-kun. It’ll be hard, but... I hope you find happiness,” she whispered, trembling.
She buried her face in a pillow and cried for about three minutes. Then, as if suddenly remembering something, she picked her cell phone back up and called the emergency line. “Guh... Hello? There’s a rotting meat smell in the house next door. It’s been like that since yesterday... Yes. Third block in the second district, Shibasaki. Shirai household...”
●
The heavy rains of June spattered against the window. It was only a little past four, but it was already dark out, and the rows of ginkgo trees beyond the courtyard looked like misty shadows in the rain. It was a gloomy day to be in school after class. The halls were deserted, with the only sound being the wind ensemble’s practice echoing in the distance.
Chidori Kaname sat on the windowsill of the student council room, staring glassily out at the yard. “What awful weather...” she said to no one in particular. Her lovely face, framed by the misty rain, took on a different cast than usual.
In a corner of the same room sat Sagara Sousuke, recently promoted to the position of Head of School Security and Aide to the Student Council President. He had a student council laptop in front of him and was leisurely moving the mouse. “Rain is a good thing. It refills reservoirs and makes hard fighting difficult,” said Sousuke, without taking his eyes off the laptop’s holoscreen. He wore his usual sullen expression and a tight frown.
“What are you talking about?” she retorted. “Haven’t you heard the phrase, ‘in Japan, water and safety are free’?”
“I haven’t. But there’s no country on Earth in which water and safety come entirely without cost,” he argued back. “Any such saying would merely be shrewd propaganda by the Japanese government.”
Despite how it seemed, Kaname knew that Sousuke was probably engaging with her in good faith. He’d been raised in war-torn regions and come here just a few months ago; in other words, he had never known peace, and she was finally becoming accustomed to what that meant for his thought processes.
“Yeah, maybe. What are you up to, by the way?” A combat game? she wondered, walking up to him and peering at the screen. But shockingly, what she saw was the headshot of a buxom anime girl. “What in the world?”
“It’s a romance simulator,” Sousuke told her. “The first-year who provides our equipment recommended it. He said it would teach me a great deal about the romantic customs of high school students.”
“I’m not sure you’ll learn much of anything from this... But why are you trying to learn about romance?” It only occurred to her afterwards just how rude her question was.
But Sousuke didn’t seem to mind. He told her, “I’m in charge of security and advisor to the president. Understanding students’ motivations is crucial for these tasks, so I decided to start with romance. This simulation will help me to understand the mindset of a person experiencing the stresses particular to romantic relationships.”
Kaname stared for a moment, then said, “Well, give it your best shot.”
“Thank you, I intend to.”
The girl on the screen was scowling at him. The dialogue on the screen below her read:
《Sousuke-kun, you’re mean.》
“The system allows for a wide selection of dialogue prompts,” observed Sousuke. “I’m currently in the middle of a date. The woman said she wished to buy a swimsuit. I told her to go on and do it, and she grew angry with me.”
“I can see that,” Kaname said.
“I don’t understand.”
“Look, man... She wants you to help her pick out a swimsuit.”
“Is she incapable of making the decision herself?” he asked.
“Uh, it’s not about that...”
“I could provide assistance if she were buying military equipment, but I’m a novice in regard to civilian clothing. Hence my refusal. Why did that make her angry?”
“I’m telling you—”
Just then, the door opened with a bang, and the two turned around to see a short girl standing in the doorway. Her hair was cut in a medium-length bob. She had a childish face, a fierce gaze, and an overall headstrong demeanor.
“Ah... Inaba Mizuki-san, was it?” Inaba Mizuki was a student from Class 2 they’d met a few weeks before. She wasn’t on particularly good terms with either Kaname or Sousuke.
Inaba Mizuki said nothing as she strode into the room. Then she gave Sousuke a scrutinizing glare. “Not bad,” she said, and then hummed, as if reaching some kind of internal decision. “Sagara, wasn’t it?”
“Yes? How can I help you?”
“Will you go on a date with me tomorrow afternoon?”
Kaname had been so shocked that she couldn’t even be angry.
The girl had laid out the circumstances: until two days ago, she’d had a boyfriend—her classmate, Shirai Satoru. A lot of girls liked him. He was handsome, fashionable, and generally desirable. But after a roller coaster of a relationship, the two of them had broken up. It seemed unlikely that they would ever get back together again.
“And that’s fine. It’s all fine. I’ve made my peace with it and sorted it all out,” Mizuki had concluded.
Kaname didn’t know what she’d done exactly, but it sounded like she really was over it. “So, what’s the problem?” she’d asked.
Mizuki had answered thusly: “I promised some of my middle school friends that I’d let them meet him.” It turned out she’d been bragging about him to her old friends quite a lot—how fashionable he was, what a good singer he was, how handsome he was—but the other girls had been skeptical, so she’d agreed to let them meet. That meeting was scheduled for tomorrow, Sunday afternoon. The other girls would never believe her if she told them they’d just broken up, so she needed a stand-in to get her through the day, after which she’d share the news. And she wanted Sousuke—a complete stranger—to serve as that stand-in.
“He’s unpolished, but good-looking enough. Besides, you two are the reason cracks started forming in our relationship. I’d say you owe me this much, don’t you?” she’d stressed.
It was pretty tortured logic, and the request was so selfish that Sousuke should have just refused. Kaname had been just about to tell her so when Sousuke had given his answer: “Very well. I shall date you.”
“Sousuke, are you nuts?!” Kaname had screamed, staring at him in shock.
But he’d just pointed to the laptop screen. “I perform poorly in the simulation because I have no field experience,” he pointed out. “A single day in the field is equivalent to a week’s worth of training. This may be a perfect opportunity to learn more about ordinary student rituals.”
Kaname hadn’t known how to respond to that. It’s not as if I’m dating Sousuke myself, she’d concluded. If he wants to go on a date, let him! No skin off my nose...
And with that justification, Kaname had gone home.
That had all been about four hours ago.
“But... how did I end up like this?” she wondered. Breaking out of her long flashback, she set down her chef’s knife and looked towards her living room, where Sousuke and Mizuki sat facing each other on the leather sofas, the latter fervently quizzing the former.
“How many times do I have to tell you?” Mizuki demanded. “You’ve been buying underwear from the Polo Jeans Company lately! Remember it already, stupid!”
“I do remember,” he replied. “I receive my standard equipment from the Polo Jeans Company. On top of it I wear a black suede Western shirt and black chino pants. This allows me to achieve low visibility at night.”
“I don’t think that last part was quite right, but... listen. When they ask about your clothes, just repeat what I told you, okay?”
“Understood. I spend money on clothing,” Sousuke affirmed. “I recently bought an expensive jacket from Ermenegildo. The jacket’s cost was roughly equivalent to a single Steyr AUG rifle used by the Austrian Army, or six rounds of 40mm anti-AS cannon—”
“Stop throwing in weird trivia! Next, what are your special skills?”
“Espionage, demolitions, and arm slave operation.”
“Wrong! Shirai-kun’s special skills!” It had been like this all day. Mizuki was determined to get Sousuke acting like her old boyfriend, but it was doubtful as to how well this was working.
Kaname finished dicing the tomatoes and piled them on top of their bed of fresh lettuce. “C’mon, food’s done,” she said, laying the dishes on the table.
Mizuki stood up and grumbled as she moved towards the dining area. “We’ll get back to this later,” she said. “You really are useless, you know that?”
“I’m sorry,” Sousuke responded.
The three of them took their places around the table, which contained dishes of beef curry and salad.
“Wow... that actually looks pretty good. Do you cook a lot, Kaname?” At some point, Mizuki had started referring to Kaname by her first name and without an honorific.
“Well, I do live alone,” Kaname pointed out. “I’ve got to cook or I’d end up eating instant stuff all the time.” Her mother had passed away, and her father lived in New York. Kaname had already been accepted to Jindai High when her father got his work transfer, so she’d opted to remain in Tokyo on her own.
“Hmm... Do you make curry and stuff a lot?”
“Not a lot. It takes forever to get through it when I’m by myself.”
“Hah. Then you should be grateful! Having us here means you get to eat curry for once!” One of Mizuki’s more impressive qualities was her ability to say things like that with a straight face.
“So, here’s a question... Why are you guys having your little study group here, again?” Kaname grumbled.
Mizuki responded while piling salad onto her plate, “I told you already. We have to pull an all-nighter, but I’m not allowed to have boys overnight. My dad would be furious.”
“So... stay at Sousuke’s place?” Kaname suggested. “He lives alone too.”
“I can’t be alone with a boy! What he tried to force himself on me?” Mizuki pointed her fork at Sousuke. “You’d have only yourself to blame! Unlike you, Kaname, I have a sensitive disposition!”
“I wouldn’t hurt you,” Sousuke responded simply.
“Hmph. That’s what boys always say. Who knows what dark desires lurk behind that unassuming expression?”
Sousuke’s expression was unchanged, but... Oh, he’s hurt. Kaname caught the slightest movement in his brow, and smiled to herself privately.
Later in the night, she woke up and looked at the clock by her pillow; it was three o’clock in the morning. It was dark outside and she could hear the distant sound of an ambulance siren. “Hmm...” Kaname had lain down in her bed without removing her sweatshirt and culottes, and must have fallen asleep at some point. She could still hear Mizuki and Sousuke talking in the next room over.
That’s right, these walls are pretty thin... And the neighborhood was pretty quiet at this time of night. If she strained her ears just a little, she could make out what they were saying.
“Ready? This time, really pretend to be him. We’ll have a conversation.” Mizuki sounded a little fretful.
Sousuke responded casually. “Understood. I’m ready.”
Kaname heard the rustling of clothes—this was probably Mizuki, sitting back on the couch. It seemed they were reviewing what they’d gone over so far. Kaname was curious to see how far he’d come.
After a few seconds of silence, they began their couple act.
“Okay... Hey, Shirai-kun,” Mizuki began. “Where do you want to go this Sunday?”
“I’d like to see a movie. We saw that romance, Poverty’s Paradise recently, so let’s try a different genre,” Sousuke responded. “How about Sneakers 2?”
“Oh, yeah, I wanna see that one!”
“It sounds like it’s good. It has River Phoenix, your favorite.” His tone was typical Sousuke, but he was sounding pretty good. He must really have been studying hard.
He went on, fluently describing the movie. “From what I’ve read, the depictions of hacking are very realistic, and it’s also suspenseful. Although I doubt civilian hackers would have computers capable of competing with the NSA.”
“What are you talking about?” Mizuki asked.
“NSA, the National Security Agency. They’re the world’s largest intelligence service, outstripping even the CIA.” Sousuke was slowly dropping character.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“That’s understandable. You’re an amateur, after all.”
“Um... Aren’t you an amateur too, Shirai-kun?”
“I’m under no obligation to answer that question,” Sousuke said flatly.
Yeah, they’re doomed... Sousuke can only go so far in the role of “ordinary guy.” Kaname let out a small sigh and shook her head in the dark.
“Nobody talks to their girlfriend that way!” Mizuki said angrily, banging her fists on the glass coffee table. “Get serious already!”
“I’m always serious. Now, try me again. Ask another question.” By contrast, Sousuke was perfectly calm.
“Fine. Shirai-kun... Do you love me?” Mizuki cooed at him, slipping back into character herself.
“Yes.”
“Aw, don’t just say ‘yes’! Say it the way you always do.”
“Ah, you’re right. I love you, Mizuki,” came his hushed whisper.
Kaname’s heart skipped a beat.
“Say it again, Shirai-kun.”
“I love you, Mizuki.”
“Again.”
“I love you, Mizuki.” This one had a surprisingly warm, effortless feeling to it. The fact that she couldn’t see Sousuke’s face suddenly filled Kaname with a queasy sense of unease.
“Shirai-kun... Do you still love me?”
“I still love you, Mizuki.”
“Will you always love me?”
“Yes. I will always love you, Mizuki.”
After this, Mizuki fell silent, and the conversation trailed off. The only sound from the living room now was her quiet sniffling.
A little while later, Sousuke asked her in his more typical blunt tone, “Why are you crying, Inaba?”
“Oh, shut up. I hate you!”
“But you’re the one who—”
“I said shut up!” she wailed. “And stop staring at me!”
“I don’t understand,” he said.
The image of Sousuke beginning to panic in confusion rose up in Kaname’s mind’s eye. Unable to sort out her feelings in full, she pulled her blanket back over her head.
The next day was sunny, and the humidity rising up from the puddles on the roads made the June heat feel that much more sweltering. At Kichijoji Station on the Keio Inokashira Line, Kaname and Mizuki stood at the bottom of the stairs leading to the south entrance near the ticket gates. Lots of people were passing by, and other young people were waiting to meet their own friends nearby.
“It should be about time,” Mizuki whispered, tapping one high-heeled sandal on the pavement. She wore a blue sleeveless dress and a black lace cardigan, as well as a wealth of bracelets on her arms and a Gucci bag on her shoulder.
“It’s three of your friends, right? Do they all go to the same school?” Kaname asked. She was wearing a graphic print T-shirt, a denim miniskirt, and a well-worn black jacket. It was the kind of casual outfit she’d usually wear when hitting the local video store at night. She hadn’t planned on coming at first, but Mizuki had insisted, so she’d been forced to throw something on.
“Yeah, the same high school. I ended up in a different district when I moved.”
“Aha. By the way...” Kaname looked at Sousuke, who was standing beside her. “I’m impressed you managed to muster up a decent outfit.”
“I acquired them in a trade with Kurz,” Sousuke told them. He was sporting a chic brown knit top and sharp black pants, with ankle boots and an unassuming silver necklace as an accent. He looked like a million bucks, all told.
“Oh, that guy?” Kaname asked curiously. “What did you give him in exchange?”
“A vintage Government.”
“A what?”
“It’s an old gun,” he explained. “It has little practical value.”
“Aha...” Kaname’s mind immediately went to the gun wielded by Lupin III (though in fact, the Government was the pistol of Inspector Zenigata).
“Mizukiii! Sorry we’re laaate!” came a cheery voice. Kaname turned and saw three stylishly dressed girls waving to Mizuki. “Has it been three whole months? How have you been?”
“Those sandals are so cute!”
“Hey, Mizuki, have you lost weight?” The three girls surrounded Mizuki and peppered her with questions and comments.
“By the way, where’s the boyfriend? Shirai-san, was it? Is he not here yet?” pressed the first girl.
That was when Sousuke stepped forward, shoulders back and hands behind him in a military rest posture. “I am Shirai Satoru. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
For a minute, all three girls were intimidated into silence.
I sure hope this works... Kaname thought.
After all that, Mizuki introduced Kaname. The three girls gave the all-clear for her coming along on the outing, and then they introduced themselves. The lively one with the bracing smile was Akagi Manami. The childish-looking one with the slight lisp was Tsuge Madoka. The one with quiet eyes and a breezy manner was Midorikawa Yoko.
Akagi, Tsuge, Midorikawa—Red, Yellow, Green. Like a traffic light... Kaname usually had trouble remembering names, so she just assigned them the colors corresponding to their names in her head.
The first order of business was lunch. They accompanied the shouting and giggling girls through the crowds for about five minutes before finally arriving at a small Italian restaurant on the edge of the business district.
“This is it! Wow, it’s been forever!”
“Yeah, has it been a whole year?”
Mizuki and her friends barely paid Sousuke and Kaname any mind as they looked back on old times. Apparently, they used to come here a lot together.
As the group crowded in, they found the shop still empty. It seemed like a pretty chill place, with warm natural light coming in through the windows.
A young waiter came to greet them. “Welcome. How many will it be?” he asked.
“Six. Do you think you could get us a table by the window?” Mizuki answered, with an air of self-importance.
The waiter managed not to wince. “Very well,” he replied politely. “Right this way.”
“No,” Sousuke said abruptly. He pointed to a corner in the back of the shop. “We should sit there. And turn off the lamp over the table, please. It’s too bright.”
“Er?” The waiter was silent for a moment, then looked at Mizuki for assistance.
“Sou— Shirai-kun, what are you talking about?”
“It’s dangerous to sit near a street-facing window,” he told her. “And that spot has a poor view of the entrance as well.”
“How is it dangerous?”
“An old colleague—I mean, an old middle school teacher of mine—was once ambushed in the middle of dinner. A terrorist shot him with a machine gun through the glass. If it hadn’t been for his bulletproof vest, he would have been killed.” The other three stared at him in disbelief, but Sousuke continued unflappably. “It’s true. Mr. Osumi from Jindai Middle. He has a scar from a 9mm bullet on his right shoulder. He truly helped guide me on my course in life. A fine teacher indeed.”
It was an absurd story to attribute to a middle school teacher.
While Mizuki and Kaname stood there at a loss for words, the traffic light trio suddenly...
“Ah ha ha ha!”
“Shirai-san’s so funny!”
“I didn’t entirely understand that story, but he does sound like a good teacher.”
...burst out laughing.
“I think maybe your friends have a couple of screws loose,” Kaname whispered to Mizuki, who just let out a sigh.
They ended up sitting by the window. Each of Mizuki’s friends spoke up in turn while enjoying their plates of pasta.
“Shirai-san, you’re not very much like Mizuki described you,” Red observed.
“I agree!” Yellow put in. “Um, um, he seems so...”
“Stoic and practical,” supplied Green.
“An incorrect assessment. I gladly wear clothing items that have no practical value whatsoever,” Sousuke responded with utmost forwardness. “I enjoy pointless chatter, and I’m delighted to spend time with women without any particular goal in mind. That is my personality.”
“Really?” Yellow asked doubtfully. “It doesn’t look that way to me...”
“That’s understandable. You’re all amateurs, after all.”
“Amateurs at what?” Kaname muttered, but he ignored her.
“Despite my tremendous frivolity, Mizuki remains with me. She is magnificent,” he said, patting Mizuki—who was sitting beside him—on the back.
“Ah! Lovebirds!”
“I’m so jealous!”
“You really do seem passionate...” the three said in turn, heckling them.
“S-Stop that, Shirai-kun,” Mizuki told him. “You’re embarrassing me.”
“Embarrassing you how? You are very important to me. As important as...”
“As...?”
“As the political value of nuclear weapons.”
The date continued more or less in that vein.
After the meal, they did karaoke. The three girls had been told he liked Ozawa Kenji, and urged him to sing something out of his catalog. Obviously, Sousuke knew little about Japanese songs.
“Perhaps I’ll sing a different song today,” he said, then began the folk song Moscow Night in fluent Russian. His voice was poor and off-key, enough to chill the heart of any listener, but Mizuki’s three friends did nothing but cackle.
Later, when Mizuki demanded to know why he’d sung that song of all things, he’d simply replied, “It’s the only song I know.”
After karaoke, they went to a movie.
The local theater was showing a film that currently had a lot of buzz over featuring a popular male idol. It was a dramatic love story set in China during World War II, depicting the tragedy of lovers torn apart by war.
During the scene where the protagonist’s battalion was gunned down by the enemy’s army while trying to protect civilians returning to the Japanese mainland, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. Except...
“The man’s death was inevitable,” Sousuke said of the dead protagonist as they left the theater. “Despite having more than enough ammunition, he foolishly ordered a bayonet charge. Why did he not lure the enemy into the hills nearby, stretch their forces thin, and pick them off?”
“Well, uh, it wasn’t really that kind of movie...” Kaname hedged.
“It’s not a matter of genre,” argued Sousuke. “He let his men die unnecessarily, wasted crucial resources, and died in a manner designed to suit his own ego. It was officers like him that lost Japan the war.”
Mizuki’s three friends laughed over his “joke” again, but there was a hollow, incredulous tone to their laughter now.
They went to an arcade.
They took pictures in a photo booth out front and printed out stickers. Sousuke pulled the 9mm pistol from the holster on his back and planted one of the stickers on its slide.
“Um... is that a toy gun?” Red asked.
Sousuke shook his head. “No, this is my cellular phone,” he responded casually, then returned the black steel to its holster.
They played a crane game too. Yellow said, “Shirai-san, you’re good at these, right? Get me that one!” before pointing to one of the stuffed animals. But even after ten tries, Sousuke was still failing. He was about to break the glass with the grip of his pistol in frustration, but Kaname and Mizuki hit him from behind to stop him.
They also took a personality quiz. The question read, You’re walking through the forest when you come upon a wall. How do you get past it? A, climb over. B, go around. C, give up and turn back.
As Sousuke thought it over, Green whispered to Kaname, “This question is actually about how you deal with matters of pride. For instance, if he chooses C, it means he’s a hopeless person without any pride.” She’d apparently played this game before.
“I’m not sure how to respond. My choice isn’t any of those options,” Sousuke said.
Green then asked with interest, “What would you do, Shirai-san?”
“I would blow a hole in it.”
By the time they’d wandered through an accessory store, a CD shop, and a big bookstore, the three girls’ faces were seriously clouded by doubt. Their initial carefree laughter was gone, and they began to regard Sousuke with scrutinizing gazes. They grew more careful with their words around him, and occasionally broke off from the larger group to whisper to each other.
“You think the jig is up already?” Kaname said casually enough as they strolled around the lake in Inokashira Park.
This earned her a glare from Mizuki. “We’re still fine,” she insisted. “If we can just hold out until we leave the park, we’re home free!”
“You sure about that?” Kaname replied with skepticism.
The sun was already low in the west, giving the lake water a bronze tint. Sousuke and the three girls were sitting on a bench a ways away, sharing awkward conversation. Sousuke then stood up and headed their way.
“What is it?” Kaname asked.
“I was asked to fetch drinks,” he said. “What would you like?”
“I’ll take a Dr. Pepper.”
“I’ll have any kind of tea.”
“Understood.” Sousuke went off to buy the drinks.
Kaname looked over and saw Red beckoning the two of them over. As Kaname and Mizuki approached her, the girl hesitated and then said, “Hey, Mizuki? He doesn’t quite seem how you described him, y’know?”
“He says such scary things!” Yellow burst out. “About explosions and snipers...”
“I suppose he does technically talk about drama and music and such, but...” Green trailed off.
The girls were probably referring to the fact that the things he said about them seemed labored and unintuitive. That was understandable. After all, he was just repeating things he’d memorized.
“Wh-What are you talking about? He’s the Shirai-kun I’m always telling you about,” Mizuki objected.
“Well, we get that, but... We feel like you’re forcing him to be something he’s not,” Red told her gently.
“I-I’m not forcing him to be anything!” said Mizuki. “If you think there’s something wrong with him, it’s probably because you’re crazy!”
The three got a little riled at this.
“We don’t deserve to be spoken to that way,” said Yellow.
“But it’s true!” Mizuki insisted. “You called me here, begging and pleading to let you meet him! And now it’s like nothing he does is good enough!”
“More hysterical rantings?” Green sighed. “You haven’t grown up at all, Mizuki.”
“I am not hysterical! As if you’re so mature!”
As the quarrel grew more heated, the mood between the four girls became more dangerous. Kaname was watching uncomfortably when she suddenly heard a male voice behind her.
“Ah, Mizuki? Is that you, Mizuki?!”
She turned to see a small group of men and women heading their way. A familiar boy was among them—handsome, with well-defined features. Kaname lamented the cruelty of fate. Ah, at the worst possible time!
The man approaching them now was Shirai Satoru, Mizuki’s actual ex-boyfriend. “What the hell is your problem, huh? What the hell were you thinking?!” Shirai Satoru stormed up to her, nostrils flaring, for reasons Kaname clearly wasn’t privy to.
“Huh? Um, I...” Mizuki froze in place, shoulders heaving as she hesitated. “Um... who are you?”
“Don’t play dumb with me!” he fumed back. “The pizza place, the soba shop, the police... They all said it was a young girl’s voice that called in! You’d better have something to say for yourself!”
“Um, I j-just...”
“I was gonna confront you at school, but this is way better. You did this, right? You just can’t let it go, huh? I’m gonna— ack!”
The next thing she knew, Kaname had delivered a chop to the back of his neck.
“Hey! Wh-What was that about, Chidori-san?” Shirai demanded, seeming to have only just noticed Kaname’s presence.
Kaname laughed awkwardly. “Er, sorry. I don’t know what you’re talking about with pizza and soba, but could you maybe do it somewhere else? In a more constructive manner, maybe?”
“No way,” he retorted, “I’m squaring this with Mizuki right here and now.”
It was around this time that Sousuke got back with the drinks, which only exacerbated the chaos.
“S-Sagara’s here too?!” Shirai said in surprise.
The three girls promptly turned their gazes to “Sagara.”
Sousuke seemed to grasp the situation immediately, and told the three girls, “This man is mentally ill. He was moved out of our school to a mental hospital a year ago. He has a persecution complex and is convinced that Mizuki is his girlfriend.”
“Wait, Sagara, you—”
“Please don’t indulge him by listening to anything he says,” Sousuke went on, cutting him off. “He’ll use obscene language. He’s a sadist who revels in women’s distress.”
“Who are you calling a sadist?!” Shirai demanded.
“Silence, psychopath. When did they let you out? Are you trying to harass Mizuki again?”
“I’m not harassing her, I’m her—”
“Hah!” Kaname delivered another fierce elbow to Shirai’s neck. She must have hit him in a more sensitive spot this time, because Shirai crumpled completely this time, unconscious. “Ah. Uh, you okay?”
“Shirai!”
“You wanna fight?!”
“Now you’re really ticking me off!”
The threats came from Shirai’s three companions, all of whom seemed ready for a fight.
Sousuke clicked his tongue and drew his pistol, still with the photo sticker on it, and aimed the weapon at their feet. Blam! Blamblamblamblamblamblam! A total of seven 9mm shots hit their target.
“Leave before I kill you,” he said.
Shirai’s coterie ran off in a hurry, dragging their unconscious friend behind them.
Moving to hide the seven bullet holes in the asphalt, Kaname explained things to Mizuki’s friends. “Sagara is his father’s last name. Right, Sou— Satoru-kun?”
“Yes,” he agreed. “My father’s last name is Sagara.”
“Their parents got divorced, and his mother became ‘Shirai,’” Kaname continued helpfully. “Right, Mizuki?”
“Y-Yes... I forgot to explain that,” Mizuki agreed. “That guy had been in the hospital for close to a year, so he wouldn’t know about the divorce.”
“Yeah, it’s awful,” Kaname concluded. “It’s an awful world where dangerous people like that can run free!”
“Yes, truly,” agreed the man who had just fired seven live rounds at civilians.
They had managed to cook up a cover story that papered over things well enough, but the girls continued to regard them suspiciously.
“Wh-Why are you looking at us like that? You think we’re lying or something?!” Mizuki shouted at them.
The three girls shared a glance, and then teasing smiles appeared on their faces.
“Oh... We’re certainly not doubting your relationship,” Red denied.
“We just wanna see you get romantic,” Yellow suggested innocently.
“Yeah,” Green agreed. “For instance...”
The three spoke up in unison: “You could kiss.”
Mizuki and Kaname both turned pale, while Sousuke just looked confused.
“We can’t just kiss in front of people!” Mizuki protested.
“You can’t? But you’re dating...”
“W-Well...”
“It’s just weird if you can’t kiss,” Yellow said firmly.
Meanwhile, Sousuke whispered to Kaname, “Chidori. To ‘kiss’ means to touch mouths together?”
“Y-Yes?” she stammered back.
“Understood.” Sousuke walked up to Mizuki, put his arms around her waist, and before she could even react...
“Hey— Mm!” He pinched her nose, then boldly and brazenly put his lips to hers! Mizuki’s eyes opened in shock at first, but then she went limp, and sagged into his arms. One second, two seconds, three seconds... He released Mizuki after just four seconds, then turned back to the stunned trio.
“Well? Do you believe us now?” There was a note of triumph in his voice. “Kissing is easy. Easier than shooting a puppy.”
Well, I guess that much is true, thought Kaname, stunned.
Mizuki slowly recovered her senses, putting a trembling hand to her lips. “What’s wrong with you?!” she shrieked, before slapping Sousuke three times. Then, after a moment’s pause, as if to summon up the nerve, she slammed her palm into the bridge of his nose.
Sousuke tottered, tipped over the railing, and splashed into the pond.
“Creep! I didn’t say you could kiss me!” Mizuki continued to rail. “How dare you take advantage... Ah!” Suddenly remembering who was watching them, she came to an abrupt halt.
“Mizuki...” said Red, stepping forward.
Mizuki took a step back. Her eyes filled with tears, which began to spill down her cheeks as she blinked. “I... I hate all of you!” she choked out.
“Ah, Mizuki—” Kaname began to say, but she ran off before anyone could stop her. The remaining three girls and Kaname shared an awkward glance.
“Chidori-san, was that person from before the real Shirai-san?” Red asked.
“Yeah,” Kaname said with a sigh. “The guy in the lake right now is a dummy called Sagara Sousuke. He’s not Mizuki’s boyfriend, he’s just a war-obsessed nutball. A stupid, perverted, trashy, jerky...”
“You probably don’t have to go that far,” Green interrupted.
“Oh, but I do,” Kaname replied. “What’s wrong with that loser? Just doing whatever people tell him... What a creep! I hate him too!” She said it loud enough for Sousuke, who was looking up at her while up to his shoulders in water, to hear. She wasn’t sure why, but she felt a bit like crying herself.
Green poked Red in the shoulder and said, “Hey... Manami. We should probably go.”
“Oh, right,” Red agreed. “Yeah, c’mon.”
The three of them quickly stood up.
“You’re going home?” Kaname asked.
“No, we’re going after Mizuki,” Red told her. “She’s probably feeling pretty down.”
“She’s selfish and stubborn and sneaky and vain,” Green admitted. “But...”
Yellow finished with, “She really does need friends...”
The three shared a look, then smiled.
“See you, Chidori-san. Take care of Sagara-san!”
“Huh? Um, it’s really not that kind of...” But before Kaname could finish, the three girls were gone with a wave. “Sheesh,” she grumbled. “Anyway...” She looked down at Sousuke, who was still soaked in the lake. He was so forlorn, reminiscent of a Siberian Husky that had just received a scolding.
“Well,” she said briskly, “how long are you gonna stay in there?”
“Well...” For once, Sousuke was at a loss for words. “Am I... really that bad?”
“You kissed a young girl without her permission,” Kaname reminded him. “That’s practically rape.”
“I didn’t mean it that way,” he protested.
“Then how did you mean it? Can you just kiss anyone you feel like?” she replied scathingly.
“If I have to, yes,” Sousuke told her. “I’ve kissed various men as well.”
“Huh?”
“A Turkish mercenary who’d taken a bullet to the stomach,” he went on. “An old Tajik man who was too close to an explosion. A technician who’d taken a hundred-meter fall... Some I saved, some I failed to.”
Oh... I guess he doesn’t know the difference between a kiss and mouth-to-mouth, Kaname thought belatedly. He doesn’t realize that putting your lips to someone else’s can have a special meaning. That’s why he didn’t think twice...
“Fine, whatever,” she said after a moment. “Just come on up.”
“But you’re angry with me,” he sulked.
“Just come up,” she coaxed. “You’ll catch cold in there.”
Sousuke obediently climbed onto the bank.
Kaname took on an even more big-sisterly attitude than usual and said, “You’re in pretty bad shape... Here, let me have a look.” She took out a handkerchief and wiped the mud from Sousuke’s face. Their faces were close now, less than ten centimeters apart.
If I stood up on tip-toe just a little, I’d be just on his level... She imagined it playing out in her mind. She’d put her hands on his shoulders, tilt her face up, shift her weight to her toes, close her eyes...
“What is it, Chidori?” Sousuke’s voice brought her back to her senses. “You’ve turned red.”
“R-Really? Well, I’ve cleaned you off...” said Kaname, stepping away from him as she set out to leave the park.
Sousuke followed behind her. “Are you feeling under the weather?” he asked.
“R-Really, it’s nothing...” She laughed awkwardly.
“It could be damage to your circulatory system,” he said. “Perhaps you should see a docto—”
“I told you I’m fine! J-Just leave me alone!”
“You’re still angry.”
“Am not!”
They argued on and on as they walked through the park, rendered dark by evening.
〈My Boyfriend is a Specialist — The End〉
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