A Hard-Sell Fetish
“You want to know how to use the copier?” asked Chidori Kaname, looking up suspiciously. It was lunchtime in her classroom, and she was in the middle of eating a melonpan roll.
“Yes. Could you teach me?” The one asking was her classmate, Sagara Sousuke. He had a sullen expression and tight frown, and he stared at her keenly, his brow furrowed.
She suddenly felt self-conscious about the big bite of bread she was chewing on, and hid her mouth behind her right hand. “Hmm... okay, but what are you printing?”
“A schoolwide flier,” he told her. “There’s been a sexual molester on the prowl around the city lately. The flier contains a warning, as well as measures that students can take.”
Kaname was genuinely impressed by this. “Oh? You’re actually doing something that will help people for once?”
“Of course I am,” he said virtuously. “That’s my job.” Sousuke’s title in the student council was the rather odd, ‘Head of School Security and Aide to the Student Council President.’ In practice, he was mainly tasked with busywork, but he always engaged in it with utmost seriousness.
“So, what’s this about a molester? What exactly are they doing?” Kaname asked out of curiosity.
“It’s written right here,” said Sousuke, proffering the document in question. It was the rough draft of a printout he wanted to post.
Student Council Notice
Classified (Burn after reading)
120410-ZULU
From: Aide to Student Council President (Head of School Security)
To: All Students
1: Commencing one week prior, multiple reports of attempted assaults in vicinity of school. Nine reports currently confirmed from eight other schools.
2: Seven of nine assaults reported ‘sexual’ in nature. High likelihood of shared culprit. Reports mention word: ‘poni.’ Meaning unknown. Equipment unknown.
3: Recommended actions upon encounter:
a.) Engage and eliminate.
b.) If a.) proves difficult, gather information before withdrawal.
4: No air or artillery support will be provided.
Message ends.
Kaname stared at it for a full minute before whispering, “Is this a top-secret message from some command HQ somewhere?”
“No, it’s an ordinary student council dispatch,” Sousuke said with complete earnestness. He was a transfer student who had grown up in war-torn regions overseas, and completely lacked understanding of how life worked in more peaceful parts of the world.
“Listen, Sousuke. If you make it this dry, no one is going to understand what you’re talking about.”
“I’m sure you’re incorrect. I can’t think of a clearer or more precise way to write it.”
“You’re kidding me, right? Besides, it’s not exactly classified if you’re sending it to the entire student body. Why don’t you—” Before Kaname could finish speaking, her classmate Tokiwa Kyoko popped up, peeking at the printout from behind.
“What’s up, you two?” Kyoko asked curiously. “What’s this? ‘Commencing one week prior’... Wow, a molester? Freaky...” she said, quickly grasping the message’s meaning. Then, as she noticed the awkwardness this fueled between Sousuke and Kaname, she blinked questioningly behind her large coke-bottle glasses.
“She appears to understand it,” he pointed out.
“L-Look, just try to make the language a little more accessible next time!” Kaname said defensively. “Got it?!”
“Understood. But will you teach me how to use the copier now?”
Kaname waved him off in annoyance. “Fine, fine. Just give me a minute to finish lunch.”
“Understood. I’ll wait.” Sousuke fell silent, but remained standing exactly where he was.
Kaname opened her mouth wide and was about to take another bite of her roll, when she suddenly felt Sousuke’s eyes on her and turned red. “W-Well don’t stare at me, okay? Darn it...” She started poking at him mercilessly.
Sousuke, in response, just looked at her in confusion.
Kyoko watched and giggled from the sidelines.
That night, Kyoko walked alone along a dark and lonely road. It was 10:30 at night, and she was just heading home from the station now. After school, she’d stopped by Kaname’s apartment for dinner and to watch the Yokohama-Giants game. It had kept her out pretty late, and now it was dark all around.
The road seemed entirely devoid of life. To her right were scraggly trees; to her left were old apartments. A dying streetlamp flickered, and a faint breeze caused the trees to rustle.
On a corner of the road sat a sign created by the local PTA. 《Watch out for molesters!》 it declared in hastily-scrawled paint. Beneath the writing was an absolutely awful picture of a girl (or at least a figure that looked like a girl) in an elementary-school backpack, being stalked by a grinning, demonic shadow. It was the kind of picture that seemed like it would be better off as an advertisement about dental hygiene.
Who even draws these signs? she mused vaguely as she passed it by. She thought back on the talk she’d had with Sousuke and Kaname this afternoon. The image of a middle-aged man, naked under a trench coat, appeared in her mind, and a slight chill went up her spine. “Geh...”
And just as those vague anxieties were beginning to run through her, a figure stepped out from behind the electric pole ahead.
Kyoko stopped in her tracks. A shudder went up her spine.
In the dim light, the figure took a step forward. He was tall and thin, dressed in a black coat.
“Um... E-Excuse me?”
The molester... Is it the molester after all? But there was something about his appearance that made her think somehow the word ‘molester’ didn’t quite cover it: he wore a large headpiece, a fluffy equine face made out of felt, with marble-like eyes that stared straight at her—a horse mask. On top of that, he was holding piano wire and a red ribbon... And, for some reason, a hair brush.
“What... What’s going on?” asked Kyoko, feeling disoriented and afraid. She couldn’t begin to imagine what he could possibly want from her. At least if it were a buck-naked old man, she’d know what was coming. But with this one... just looking at him didn’t tell her anything about what he wanted or why he was here.
“Ah... er...” Kyoko just stood there, frozen to the ground.
And then, the horseman whispered... “Poni.”
Kyoko blinked, then finally said, “Huh?”
“Poni.”
It wasn’t a Japanese word, as far as Kyoko knew. The strange utterance just increased her state of bewilderedness.
“Poni. Poni...”
The man drew closer. Kyoko stepped back. The man stepped forward again...
I’m going to die, she thought. He’s going to kill me. He’s going to **** me, and then bury me somewhere! With her fight-or-flight instincts on full blast, Kyoko, tears in her eyes, turned to run away.
“Poni...!”
“Eek!”
But just as she began to run, the horseman grabbed her from behind. Kyoko struggled to free herself from his grip, but the man refused to let go.
“Poni... Poni!”
“N-No! Someone! Someone help!” She screamed for her life, but no one seemed to hear her.
The next morning...
As Kaname arrived at Sengawa Station en route to school, she found Sousuke waiting for her at the ticket gate. Normally, Kyoko would be waiting for her there, but she was nowhere to be seen today.
“Oh, Sousuke. Morning...” Kaname called in her usual lazy voice. She was not a morning person.
Sousuke merely stared back at her, a grave expression in his eyes.
“What?” she asked, made suspicious by Sousuke’s behavior. She’d never seen him looking so serious, and he seemed to be trying to choose his words carefully.
“Chidori. I have... bad news. I only just learned about it. It’s about that molester case. The one you helped me with yesterday, with the copies.”
“Hmm? What about it?”
“Last night,” he said gravely, “Tokiwa was attacked.”
“What...” All the blood drained from Kaname’s face. “No way... Kyoko? What... What happened? Is she okay?!” She seized Sousuke’s shoulders as a feeling akin to terror began to run through her.
But he turned his face down to avoid meeting her eyes, voice ashen. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how to tell you this...”
“No...” Kaname began to tremble.
“She was apparently on her way back from Kokuryo Station, when she encountered a strangely-dressed man. She couldn’t fight him. He caught her...”
Kaname was shocked into silence.
“He wrestled her to the ground, and despite her attempts to fight back...”
“A-Ah...”
“He carefully brushed her hair, and then...”
“That’s awful...”
“...he put it in a ponytail,” Sousuke finished.
“That’s horrible! He... wait, what?” Kaname frowned in confusion.
It was just then that Kyoko appeared from behind Sousuke. “Oh, it’s Kana-chan,” she said. “Good morning.” She was dressed in her usual uniform, with her usual coke-bottle glasses. There was just one thing different about her: she wore a ponytail, tied with a red ribbon, in place of her usual braids. Her carefully brushed hair ran in waves down her back.
“Okay, what the hell is this?” Kaname asked, limply.
“Isn’t it clear?” Sousuke replied grimly.
“It’s a ponytail,” said Kyoko, touching her hair. “It’s awful... He used wires and glue to force it into place. It’s been a whole day, and it’s still not back to normal... It’s really gonna ruin my hair,” she wailed, then sighed.
“Is that it?”
“Yeah, that’s it. Though it was really scary at the time.” Kyoko’s expression was surprisingly nonchalant.
Kaname’s shoulders slumped, and then she glared at Sousuke. “You...”
“It’s truly bizarre, isn’t it? It’s hard to know how to tell someone about it,” Sousuke said dispassionately.
Slam! Kaname’s bag hit him on top of the head.
“That hurt quite a lot,” he observed next.
“Shut up!” she screamed back at him, tears in her eyes. “I was seriously... seriously scared! Why’d you have to scare me like that?!”
The reactions from classmates to Kyoko’s new hairstyle were generally positive. Onodera clenched his fists in awe and insensitively insisted, “It’s great! It’s awesome! It looks way better than those old kiddie braids!”
The result was Kaname having to smack a boy other than Sousuke for the first time in a while.
Kyoko didn’t seem particularly upset about it, but she did confide in Kaname later that day. “I don’t know what to do,” she whispered weakly. “I liked the braids.”
“D-Don’t worry about what the stupid boys say. You’re cute no matter what your hairstyle is,” Kaname told her.
Kyoko smiled brightly at this. “Yeah, you’re right. Thanks, Kana-chan,” she responded guilelessly.
Nevertheless, Kyoko had headed home the minute class was over, much earlier than she usually did.
Kaname had had no choice but to let her go. Doting on someone when they were having a rough time could come off as smothering; she knew this from past experience. And whenever Kaname was seriously depressed about something, Kyoko always left her alone. She’d just say, “I’m here for you, Kana-chan,” and nothing more.
Yeah. Kyoko’s a really nice person. And so...! she thought to herself. That ‘poni-man’... He might just be a petty little weirdo, but he’s going to feel my wrath... She’d begun to dwell on fantasies of what she’d do if she were ever to run into him personally.
“One of the students at our school has been harmed. There’s no way we can let this stand,” Sousuke said to Kaname on their way to the station from school. It was just after six o’clock, when their student council business was done.
“Yeah,” she agreed, “I’d like to do something too...”
“Other schools are suffering from this as well,” he continued. “We need to capture the culprit and torture him until he reveals his true intentions.”
“Back to that old standby, huh?”
“He may seem innocuous now, but in time, he could begin doing real harm. It’s dangerous to leave him at large.”
“Are we talking about him or you?”
“Eh?”
“Sousuke,” Kaname said firmly. “There’s nothing that the student council can do about this. Don’t you get it? It didn’t happen on school grounds.”
“Is that how it works?”
“Yep. So, we’re asking them.” As they walked through the shopping street near the station, Kaname suddenly stopped. Across the street from them stood a neatly kept police box.
“The police?” he asked.
“Yeah. We’ll tell them a friend of ours was attacked by a pervert, give up the description, and ask them to do something,” she explained. “I got the go-ahead from Kyoko on the phone earlier. Then we’re just going to wait and see what happens. Got it?”
“Hmm...”
“Anyway, Sousuke, you wait outside. I’m pretty sure you’ll just make things more annoying if you come along.”
As Kaname entered the police box, she was met by a young officer in a uniform. She explained the situation, gave the details on what had happened, and provided Kyoko’s address as well as her own.
The young officer frowned as he filled out the form. “Hmm... I’m not sure this is enough...”
“Um... is there some kind of issue?” Kaname asked.
“We really need the victim to come and see us herself. And, I don’t quite know how to put this... but you probably shouldn’t get your hopes up.” The officer’s tone gradually took on an arrogant cast.
“What do you mean by that?”
“I’m not going to say she got what was coming to her, but she really shouldn’t have been so careless,” the officer opined. “Walking alone at night? She should consider herself lucky that that’s the worst that happened to her. Is this... Tokiwa-san, was it? Is she a ‘good girl’? Because from what you’re saying here—”
“You... piece of shit pig,” Kaname hissed.
The officer stopped mid-sentence. “What?”
“How dare you! My friend was attacked, and you think you can act like—” But just as Kaname was reaching for the officer’s collar...
“Hang on a second!” came a new voice from the back of the box.
She saw a female officer striding towards them from the door to the break room. She had sharp features and long, shaggy hair. Her uniform was rumpled, and there were bags under her eyes. She was the picture of exhaustion.
“W-Wakana-san... How’s your research coming?” the first officer said, trying to smooth things over.
The officer, apparently named Wakana, seemed to ignore her colleague as she charged up to Kaname. “Hey, you. I heard what you said. A pervert with a mask on? Where’d you see him?” The woman pressed her with great intensity.
“Oh... Well, as I just told the officer here...” Kaname gave the address that Kyoko had given her.
At this, the female officer looked up at the ceiling, then at the city map on the wall, and let out a cry of joy. “Yes!!! Just as I deduced! Now... now... whew.” She suddenly caught herself on the table, looking unsteady.
Taken aback by her intensity, Kaname spoke up, timidly. “Um... deduced? You know something about this?”
The woman gradually raised her haggard face. “I... I’ll tell you. But not here. Come with me, girl!”
“Huh? Wait, hang on—”
The woman flew out of her seat and ran out of the box, dragging Kaname along with her. Sousuke, who was supposed to be waiting out in front, was nowhere to be seen.
“Um, hang on! Where are you taking me?” Kaname asked. “That kind of hurts... Hang on, let me go!”
“Stop complaining and follow me!” the woman cried back, as she dragged Kaname along the shopping street.
The policewoman’s name was Wakana Yoko. She’d previously been part of the Sengawa Traffic Department’s mini-patrol car division, but had since been relieved of her post.
“I’ve been stuck on desk duty lately. But I’ve been ditching it to investigate this pervert,” Wakana Yoko explained as they entered the coffee shop near the police box.
“Wow...”
“I’ve been skipping sleep to read the daily reports and ask around on my own time.”
“Really?” asked Kaname, feeling impressed. “Sounds like hard work.”
“It is,” Yoko agreed modestly. “But I’ve figured out that there’s a pattern to where the culprit appears. Have a look at this,” she said, opening the map with a flourish. “I’ve heard eight similar assault reports, all from middle or high school girls on the way back from school. The locations... see? Always about a twenty-minute walk from the city station, alternating between north and south sides...” Yoko pointed at the map as she rattled off the info. She drew a circle with a compass, which really showed how limited the culprit’s range was. “You see? Based on this pattern, yesterday he should have come out... here.” Yoko marked the point on the map with a red pen.
“Oh, that’s—”
“Exactly! The place where your friend was attacked! So tonight, I expect he’ll show up about... here.”
Kaname was blown away by the cogency of Yoko’s deductions. “Ahh... That’s really impressive.”
“Hah, that’s nothing!” said Yoko, folding up the map. “So... I want you to play the decoy for a little trap I’ve cooked up. Tonight!”
“I... see,” said Kaname, finally realizing why the woman had taken her out of the police box and into a cafe to explain.
“The pervert will come out after you, and the moment he does anything to violate public decency laws, I’ll show up and catch him in the act. No need for annoying process or paperwork. I’ll just say I happened to be passing by. Great plan, huh?” Yoko’s voice was a strange mix of exhaustion and exhilaration.
“Um... but what about me?” Kaname asked.
“How can you be thinking about that?” Yoko demanded. “Your friend was killed, wasn’t she? Don’t you want revenge?”
“Well, she’s not actually dead...”
“Haven’t you ever heard the saying, ‘a woman’s hair is her life’? It’s still a murder, metaphorically speaking.”
“Well, I guess I see what you’re saying... But why are you so desperate to catch this guy yourself?” Kaname asked hesitantly.
“I always wanted to be a detective,” Yoko said eagerly. “I used to watch Miami Vice as a kid. I’ll never forget Don Johnson saying ‘Go ahead, Mosca. Make my day.’ I felt like my whole body was on fire. I passed out. I even wanted a white Ferrari Testarossa like the one Don-sama drove, and used the money I made as a swimsuit model to buy one, see? I was obsessed!”
Kaname had never heard of that particularly awesome crime drama, so she was left to wonder dubiously about the existence of a show called Miami Spice. The fact that the car in question happened to share the name of a foreign friend of hers made it even more confusing. “Uh-huh...” she said simply in response.
“And yet, they stuck me on traffic duty! And now, because my chief’s mad at me, I’m even stuck on desk work. I’m hoping that collaring this weirdo will get me out of limbo.”
“Why’s your chief mad at you?” Kaname asked.
Yoko sighed and gazed into the distance, slurping at her ice coffee. “The stupidest reason. I saw a teenage boy and a girl riding two to a bike, and chased them in my mini-car. It was a real wild goose chase... And after they gave me the slip, I crashed into a house.”
Splurt! Kaname spat out the coffee she was drinking. She was all too aware of who the policewoman was talking about—it had been her and Sousuke. So, this was the female cop who had pursued them that time! Kaname turned pale, and a cold sweat began to rise on her face. “Th-That’s... awful.”
“The car was wrecked,” Yoko went on. “I was unharmed, thankfully, but my partner in the passenger seat is out of action for a month... Hey, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Oh, uh... It’s just...”
“It’s so frustrating!” Yoko exclaimed, “I remember the face of the boy, at least. If I ever see him, I’ll punish him for his poor upbringing. Heh heh heh...” Her eyes, blurry from lack of sleep, began to take on a sinister glow. And in the seat behind her...
Kaname silently exclaimed as she saw Sousuke—in other words, the boy that Yoko was talking about—sitting right there. Fortunately, Yoko hadn’t noticed him yet.
With his usual sullen expression, Sousuke wrote something down on a paper napkin, and held it up over the policewoman’s shoulder. 《Not an issue. Continue,》 it read.
Kaname’s mouth flapped uselessly, and she could see him writing something else.
《Don’t worry,》 came another napkin message. 《If she realizes it’s us, I’ll silence her.》
“Don’t do that!” Kaname found herself shouting.
Yoko looked at her in confusion. “Well... maybe ‘punish’ is too strong a word?”
“N-No... It’s fine, in moderation.”
“Yes, it’s best to keep things in moderation. Anyway, Chidori-san... I’m so grateful that you agreed to play decoy.”
“Uh, I think you skipped something there!” Kaname exclaimed.
“Oh? What do you mean?”
“The fact that I never actually agreed to it, maybe?!” Kaname said angrily.
From behind Yoko, Sousuke flashed a note. 《We know what she knows now. She’s outlived her usefulness.》
“You shut up, too!”
《...》
Yoko looked behind her, and Sousuke ducked down in time—but just barely. “What’s with you?” she asked.
“Oh... nothing,” Kaname told her hastily. “I get these psychic flashes now and then... Voices in my head. It’s a chronic condition.”
“Ah... that’s rough.”
Kaname suddenly felt a wave of exhaustion wash over her. She wanted to be out of this situation ASAP. In the interest of expediency, she whispered, “Ah... fine. I’ll do it. But just this once, okay?”
“That’s all I need. Thank you... heh.” Yoko smiled the vague smile unique to people who’ve been up all night. It was the kind of expression born purely of unconscious mental processes, unconnected to the person’s actual feelings. Standing up, she said, “Then I’ll pick you up at your house later.”
“Where are you going?” Kaname asked. “It’s almost night time.”
“I’m going to drop by the station to pick something up.” Yoko left a 1000 yen bill on the table, then listed out of the coffee shop.
Sousuke sat up, impatiently. “She’s gone?”
“Sheesh, that was a close call...” Kaname grumbled. “And how long have you been there?”
“From the start,” he told her. “I recognized the policewoman and tailed her in secret.”
“Ah... good choice. Nice work.”
“It was easily done.” Sousuke let out a modest chuckle, then pulled the cinnamon stick from his coffee and stuck it into his mouth like a cigarette. “But Chidori, are you really going to play decoy for her?”
“Well... look,” said Kaname, rubbing her temples. “The normal police clearly aren’t going to do anything to avenge Kyoko. And it’s kind of our fault that this policewoman’s in the situation she’s in, so...”
“I wouldn’t advise it,” he told her seriously. “It’s dangerous.”
“Thanks for the concern, but I’m fine. It’s nothing compared to the people we’ve fought from your real line of work.” Kaname smiled.
Sousuke watched her penetratingly for a while, then nodded a few times. “I see... very well. I’ll cover you, then, in the interest of caution. If you’re truly in danger, I’ll step in.”
“No way,” Kaname told him flatly. “That lady cop saw your face, remember? If she sees you now, it’ll be a huge mess. You could get us both arrested.”
Sousuke thought for a while about this. “Then I just have to make sure she can’t see my face?”
“Well... even if you cover your face,” said Kaname, “she might recognize your build.”
“You have a point. I’ll use my new equipment, then.”
“New equipment?”
“Yes. There’s an item I acquired—rather, that was left to me—which I’ve modified in several ways. It should disguise my build as well as my face,” Sousuke explained. “I’ve mounted it with various sensors, a digital transmitter... as well as a bulletproof material that can even stop a rifle shot.”
“Aha...”
“It’s rather like a power suit,” he continued. “If successful, it could revolutionize modern warfare. I was just getting to the point of needing a field test anyway. It’s in my apartment. I’ll go get it now.” Sousuke stood up, left a 500 yen coin on his table, and proceeded to leave the coffee shop behind.
Several hours later, on a corner of a residential street shortly after sundown...
“Well, here we are,” said Wakana Yoko, now dressed in civilian clothing and jeans. “I just want you to wander around this area for a while. Keep to the most isolated places you can find.”
“What will you do, Wakana-san?” Kaname asked. She was in her uniform, just like last night.
They were on a deserted road. There were desolate farm fields and an old temple nearby, but no sign of anyone coming or going.
“I’ll be patrolling the area in the interest of caution,” Yoko told her, sounding exhausted from sleep deprivation, as always. “When the enemy appears, let out a big scream. I’ll come to arrest the pervert.”
“Arrest him? How?”
“With these,” said Yoko, pulling two guns from her satchel. They weren’t genuine firearms—one had electrodes on the tip, while the other was loaded with rubber balls the size of fists. “I sneaked them out of the station. It’s a taser and a rubber bullet gun, used for riot control. I’ll use these to put him down.”
Sousuke used similar weapons all the time, so Kaname was unfazed by the sight. “Just don’t hit me alongside the culprit, okay?” she cautioned.
“Heh heh. All right, let’s go!”
“Don’t laugh. Say you won’t!”
Yoko just held up her hands reassuringly.
Kaname let out a sigh. Even so... She thought, turning her eyes to the farmland and the forest beyond. Is Sousuke really here? He said something about picking up new equipment, but... Then she put him out of her mind and began trudging down the dark night road.
About fifty meters away from Kaname, in the underbrush...
The vague outline of a curious animal could be seen in the streaming moonlight—more precisely, a person in a plush animal costume. The head was somewhat doglike, yet also somewhat mouselike. It was two heads tall, short and squat, with a bow tie and two large, round eyes.
The costume’s name was Bonta-kun, which was the mascot of a particular amusement park. His head was covered in camouflage netting, and he held a shotgun at the ready. He blended in with the darkness like a predator waiting for prey, or a cruel and dangerous insectivorous plant. At least, that was the air he hoped he gave off.
She’s on the move... Sousuke whispered to himself from inside the costume. He’d ended up stealing the Bonta-kun costume during an earlier conflict in an amusement park. Now, in his hands, that costume had been reborn. It was now the Bonta-kun Mk. II.
Bonta-kun’s night vision sensors picked up Kaname’s and the policewoman’s silhouettes, and displayed them on his HMD. The highly directional microphones he’d installed in its ears could even pick up Kaname’s breathing. If he’d wanted, he could use its internally mounted digital transmitter to intercept police radio signals. His silhouette was not recognizably human, making it difficult to identify him at a distance.
Incidentally, he had also disabled the bizarre voice changer function.
“Now, let’s follow.” Sousuke finally began to come out of the brush. He moved carefully and silently, maintaining a distance from Kaname.
Kaname continued walking listlessly. Bonta-kun followed her. He hadn’t been able to see the policewoman since she’d disappeared around the corner.
The pervert didn’t appear.
Thirty minutes passed uneventfully, with Kaname walking the same road back and forth several times.
Maybe he’s lying low tonight? Sousuke thought, sneaking past a rusted old pickup truck left in the bushes. But as he rounded the corner...
“Eek!” He ended up face to face with the policewoman, Wakana Yoko. She must have realized it would be the perfect place for the pervert to hide, and come to investigate.
She just stood there for a minute, then began shaking her head rapidly as she readied her taser. “The witness testimony I heard said it was a horse costume... but it’s a Bonta-kun. Prepare to die, pervert!”
“Wait, I—”
“No excuses!” Yoko’s taser sparked. High voltage current surged through the Bonta-kun costume. The costume’s fabric was thick, so Sousuke himself wasn’t shocked, but...
Crackla-pop! Vwssh! The electricity shorted out most of the costume’s electronic equipment. The night vision sensor feed went blank, and the only sound through his headphones now was head-splitting static.
Hissing in pain, the Bonta-kun costume reeled back through the brush, staggered, and caught itself. Sousuke tried to shout “stop!” but it came out as “Fumoffu!” The electrical short seemed to have reactivated the voice changer, changing all of his words to “Bonta-kun-ese.”
“S-Still moving, eh?” Yoko asked menacingly. “You’re a stubborn one!”
“Fumo... (Erk...)” Left with no other choice, Sousuke fought back. Bonta-kun firmly stuck out his shotgun and fired at Yoko. The rubber slugs he was using were nonlethal, but they still packed the punch of a heavyweight boxer. But because he couldn’t see, he missed her by a wide margin. The rubber stun rounds shattered against the trunk of a nearby tree instead.
“Ngh... resisting arrest, eh?! You degenerate! I won’t lose to you!” Yoko fired a rubber ball of her own, right at the muzzle of Bonta-kun’s gun! This one also had the power of a punch from a heavyweight boxer.
Bonta-kun squatted down and just barely dodged the blast. Damn, thought Sousuke. If this keeps up... he rolled along the ground while struggling against the roar of static in his ears, and fired two more shots from his shotgun.
“Y-Yow! That hurts!” Yoko shouted as one of the rubber rounds grazed her arm, causing her to take shelter behind the truck.
“Fumo, fumoffu! (Ugh, my aim is off!)”
“Now you’ve done it! You’ll pay for this! For the sake of my redemption... you must die!” Yoko declared, reloading her rubber bullet gun as she screamed and fired again.
As Bonta-kun staggered to his feet, one of the bullets hit him right in the head. “Fumo! (Wagh!)” Bonta-kun screamed, tumbling onto the ground. But he managed to swiftly right himself, and took off in an idiosyncratic run away from Yoko.
“You won’t escape!” Yoko howled in pursuit. “Tormenter of women!”
In the middle of the brush at night, a woman carrying strange guns in both hands was chasing a rotund little mascot around, each occasionally firing at each other. It was truly a sight to behold.
While he ran, Sousuke felt a deep sense of regret. Even after all those modifications I made, he thought mournfully, this costume is still useless on the battlefield. He couldn’t see behind him at all. Even turning back was difficult. In reality, it was just heavy and exhausting to wear...
Although he did quite like how it looked.
Kaname heard the sounds of a gun battle raging in the nearby brush, and cradled her head in her hands. “There it goes,” she sighed. “Must be Sousuke.” Is he in a shootout with somebody? she wondered. Actually, I can’t see Wakana-san, either... And what am I even doing, wandering around this dark road? Trying to lure out the pervert who attacked Kyoko, right?
“But will he even show up?” Kaname asked herself. It was all starting to feel pointless. My priority now should be to stop Sousuke, she decided. If it’s Wakana-san he’s fighting, someone might really get hurt. “I’ve got to hurry,” she said out loud, before whipping around and running along the road in the direction from which she’d heard the gunshots.
Just then, a figure appeared in front of her. He wore a black coat, carried piano wire and a hairbrush, and wore a horse mask on his head. The vacant gaze and eerie motions... There was no question. This was the deviant who had attacked Kyoko: the Poni-man.
“Poni...” said the figure.
“Geh...” Kaname stopped and began to draw back. She’d heard his appearance described, but actually seeing it up close was worse. “P-Pervert...” she said weakly.
“Poni?”
“Help! Pervert! Extremely specialized pervert! Someone help!” Kaname shouted as she ran.
The horseman raised his hands and pursued, standing upright, at top speed. If there were fast zombies in this world, they would probably look a lot like this.
Kaname’s terror was indescribable. She was so frightened that she’d forgotten that even if he did catch her, all he’d do was change her hairstyle. “Noooo!” she wailed.
“Poni, poni...”
Kaname ran. The pervert chased her. A pursuit down a night road, with gunfire in the forest. In some part of her brain—the part that still had common sense—she couldn’t help but lament what a ridiculous situation she’d found herself in.
Meanwhile, the forest battle raged on. Bonta-kun had restored a number of his sensors, and Wakana Yoko was still high on adrenaline as they continued to trade fire.
Wakana Yoko cackled as she ran through the trees, her self-awareness scattered to the four winds. “This is fun! This is fun, Bonta-kun! Give me even more fun!”
“Fumoffu!” Bonta-kun fired his shotgun, as if in reply. The shot missed her by a hair, but tore a hydrangea to pieces.
“It’s no use! It’s no use!” Yoko gloated, pulling the stun baton (a police weapon that used a high voltage shock to knock out whoever it hit) from her hip and charging straight at him.
But Bonta-kun ran boldly at her with his own stun baton! Both of them turned their batons’ voltage on. The currents raced through them, and...
“Graaah!”
“Fumooo!”
Crash! The stun batons collided. Sparks flew as they struggled against each other, as if they were beam sabers. Illuminated by the pale blue light, the night air around them grew hot.
“You’re so stubborn!” Yoko howled. “Go down already!”
“Fumoffu! Fumoffu!”
“You’ve got a big mouth for a little mascot!”
“Fumo?!”
Yoko continued to press the sparking stun baton against his, reliant purely on force. “Grrrr!”
“Fumoooffu!” Bonta-kun, too, showed no mercy. He leaned all his weight forward, pushing back against Wakana Yoko.
Yoko was finally forced to yield to his weight, her back slowly arching. “Grkk... kkh...!” Skillfully, she deflected Bonta-kun’s baton and dealt a hard knee to his side.
“Fumo!” Bonta-kun lost his balance and went flying. He crashed through the underbrush, flew out of the forest, and then rolled across the road beyond until he hit the guardrail. Yoko came through the forest after him, rubber bullet gun outstretched.
Wakana Yoko and Bonta-kun faced each other down from opposite sides of the road. “This is the end!” she told him. “Prepare to die!”
“Fumoffu!”
They locked eyes and weapons. And then, right into their firing line, ran...
“It’s the goddamn pervert! Somebody help me, dammit!”
...Kaname, pursued by the horse-man.
Yoko and Sousuke were so engaged in their battle that they didn’t even notice. They pulled the triggers on their guns just a split-second after Kaname passed, and...
Wham! As a result, the rubber bullets ended up flying straight into the horse-man pervert, who had entered their firing line in his pursuit of Kaname.
The force of a punch from a heavyweight boxer slammed into his face and his side, simultaneously.
One minute later, a man in a black coat lay limply on the road. Kaname, Yoko, and Bonta-kun were looking down on him.
“So, this is the real pervert? Who’s this, then?” Yoko asked Kaname, shoulders heaving, as she finally regained her calm.
“He’s my friend,” said Kaname. “Right, Bonta-kun?”
“Fumoffu.”
“I see... You have a powerful friend,” Yoko whispered, with the expression of someone in the grips of a terrible nightmare. Bonta-kun’s violation of the Swords and Firearms Possession Control Law didn’t even enter her mind.
Kaname let out a sigh. Some new weapon, she thought. The costume had at least prevented Yoko from identifying him, but...
Silently, Bonta-kun squatted down and shook the horseman’s shoulder.
The masked pervert stirred and regained consciousness, then whispered, “Poni...?”
“Fumoffu.”
“Poni? Poni?”
“Fumoffu. Fumoffu.”
“Poni...”
Bonta-kun patted the horse-man’s shoulder with a gentle, “Fumo.”
Kaname whapped him on the back of the head. “Don’t reach an understanding in a language we can’t understand!”
“Fumoffu...” Bonta-kun drew back, rubbing his head with his stubby arms.
Then Yoko snapped back to reality and said, “One way or another, it was my actions that caught the culprit. Thank goodness.”
“Wakana-san,” said Kaname, “you were totally out of control back there...”
But Yoko didn’t respond as she squatted down and removed the horse-man’s mask. The face that appeared from within was that of an unremarkable young man. “Geh... gehh...” The man let out his first recognizably human sounds.
Yoko flashed her police badge with aplomb. “Excuse me, Mr. Pervert, but you’re under arrest. You don’t have the right to remain silent, or the right to an attorney, so you’d better tell me everything right here and now!”
Kaname eyed the woman silently. The main thought that ran through her mind in that moment was, Thank goodness she didn’t catch on to Sousuke’s identity.
“Oh... really? I’ll talk, then,” the young man murmured, still in a daze.
“Tell me why you’re doing this,” Yoko ordered.
“Because... ponytails are awesome. The sexy nape of the neck of short hair. The flowing femininity of long hair. These two contradictory factors come together to make perfection, don’t you think?” the young man explained with melancholy. “But nowadays, when I ride the train, I don’t see any girls with ponytails at all. It just made me so sad...”
“And that’s why you committed these bizarre assaults?”
“Yes... But Officer, I’m satisfied,” the young man declared. “I lived my life in a way that was true to myself. Do with me what you will.”
“I see,” said Yoko. “But watch yourself in prison. It’s gonna be a long stay.”
“Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry for the trouble.”
Greasy sweat arose on Kaname’s forehead as she listened to the conversation. There is something... seriously wrong here...
But while she fretted, Sousuke simply nodded firmly, arms folded in satisfaction.
〈A Hard-Sell Fetish — The End〉
No Comments Yet
Post a new comment
Register or Login