Uncooperative Bluebird
It was lunch break on a clear day. Sagara Sousuke was sitting in a corner, looking through a magazine. The articles within were peppered with words incomprehensible to the average person. They read:
Secretary of Defense Powell testified before a Senate special committee about the progress of the joint M9 Gernsback project, a collaboration between the US Army, Navy, and Geotron Electronics. The M9’s EMD phase is expected to reach completion by December, as initially planned. Twenty-six LRIP machines will be commissioned, with first assault soldier squads reaching initial operating capability. Additionally, Special Operations Command has high hopes for several of these FSDs to be equipped through DARPA with currently experimental next-generation electromagnetic camouflage systems.
Civilian reporting suggests that the People’s Liberation Committee government in Beijing (North China) has received at least thirty-three Rk-96Ms from Soviet right-wing forces. The Rk-96M is primarily an upgrade to the Rk-92 Savage’s scanning and fire control systems. The Yugoslav and Syrian governments have also shown interest in this improved technology.
The German Army has begun use of its first eight assault soldiers, known as the Drache G (König Drache). The Drache G contains replacements for the electronic weaponry and drive system of the current model (Drache D), and is the first machine to fully integrate the superior anti-ballistic capabilities of Einhorn Elektroteknik’s MMP-112 muscle packages.
British intelligence believes that Soviet Zeya OKB’s new experimental assault soldiers have realized a fully electric drive system based on an Aegis System palladium nuclear fusion battery, similar to the M9 Gernsback. This machine, likely falling into the category of third-generation assault soldier, has been designated the Zy-98 Shadow by NATO.
US Raytheon Missile Systems has accepted a 38-million-dollar order from the British Armed Forces for 300 K1 Javelin kinetic energy missiles. The K1 Javelin interface, originally designed for the M6, has since been converted for use in the newly developed British Cyclone.
A settlement has been reached between France’s GTTO (Giat TTO) and Stingray Freight over the loss of twelve Mistral-2 assault soldiers which disappeared during shipment in the Indian Ocean in June. Stingray has agreed to pay a penalty fee of 61.2 million USD.
The Norwegian Army has announced their acquisition of Oerlikon Contrave’s GEC-B 40mm machine guns for use as portable ammunition for their currently requisitioned M6 Bushnells.
“Hmm...” Sousuke let out various noises of interest (which would sound like disinterest to most).
Just then, Tokiwa Kyoko entered the classroom. “Oh, there you are!” she called. “Sagara-kun!”
“Yes?” he responded, hastily closing the issue of Jane’s Defense Weekly, the military specialist magazine he got his arm slave-related news from.
“Could you come here a minute? I’ve got a favor to ask,” she asked somewhat apologetically.
“Understood,” he said affably.
They left the classroom and headed for the storage room in the southern school building. Quite a few students were standing in the hall there, looking nervous. They were all members of the women’s softball club, of which Kyoko was also a part.
“Is there some kind of issue?” Sousuke wanted to know.
“Yeah. I think... it’s locked from the inside and we can’t get it open,” Kyoko told him nervously, pointing to the door of the storage room. “We hear sounds and voices in there... and it’s creepy. They asked me to bring you in to investigate.”
“A wise decision,” Sousuke commended her. “You should continue to do so in the future.” He stood next to the door and listened.
There was definitely someone inside of the storage room; likely three men. They were having a hushed conversation.
“Is it ready yet? Hurry up!”
“I’m trying... Okay, ready.”
“Whew... This is nuts.”
Their voices sounded excited, even awestruck.
“What a great feeling. Nothing beats flirting with danger.”
“We can’t keep it all to ourselves. We oughta sell some to the others on the sly.”
“No way. We’d get in trouble.”
Sousuke frowned. What were they doing in a locked room, away from prying eyes? Could it be... narcotics? Yes, it must be, he decided. And getting high inside the school...
As head of school security and aide to the student council president, this was behavior he couldn’t let slide. He pulled out a mini-shotgun and told the girls, “Stand back.”
“What?” said Tokiwa. “Er, Sagara-kun. What are you—”
Blam! Blam blam! Without responding, Sousuke blew the doorknob and hinges off, kicked the door in, and threw a stun grenade into the room.
“Ahh—”
Whoom! Inside the storage room, a flash exploded with tremendous noise. Sousuke dashed in behind it. “That’s enough!” he bellowed. “Come along quietly, and don’t—”
Three students lay half-conscious within, amidst red light and rising smoke. There was a photo enlarger and an overturned developing tray sitting on a makeshift table. Film and plastic containers were strewn across the floor. The stench of developer fluid stung his nose. There was no sign of drugs whatsoever.
“Geh...” One of the collapsed students sat up with great effort. It was Kazama Shinji, a member of both Sousuke’s class and the photography club. “S-Sagara-kun? What in the world are you—ah!” Shinji panicked and flew at the negatives and photographic paper strewn about the ground. “Oh... what have you done?! They’re all ruined!”
“Geh... What’d you say?” Another one stood up and wailed.
“He’s... He’s right!” cried the third as he sat up and caught sight of the film.
“Kazama,” said Sousuke. “What were you doing?”
“Developing film, of course!” the three shouted in unison.
“After we worked so hard to get those pictures...”
“Ngh... Shots of girls reclining against the railing on the roof, innocent as you please, taken from a super-low angle on the first-floor courtyard with a telescopic lens...”
“This is just cruel, Sagara-kun. What did we ever do to you?!” asked Shinji, who usually never got this mad at Sousuke.
“I didn’t realize this was what you were doing,” said Sousuke.
“No matter what we were doing, a stun grade couldn’t have been the appropriate response!” Shinji yelled back.
“I had to be certain the room’s residents were pacified,” Sousuke told him. “But why were you developing your film here? You were making trouble for the girls.”
Kyoko and the other girls, holding their noses, nodded along firmly from the light streaming in the now-open door.
“Oh.” Shinji and the others slumped over dejectedly. “Well... we are sorry about that. But the photography club doesn’t have its own club room.”
Chidori Kaname, the student council vice president, was dealing with similar trouble after school. The light music club had taken over the geology room to play Van Halen. It sounded less like music and more like a cacophony, and after receiving a litany of complaints, Kaname had to come running to put a stop to it.
“Aw, but—”
“No buts!” she insisted. “At least unplug the amps!” Grumbling, the students began to put away their instruments.
Kaname, feeling relieved, returned to the student council room in time for another student to arrive with a complaint. “Chidori-san...” It was a girl from the cooking club, and she was in tears.
“What?”
“The biology club people are using the home ec room,” she wailed. “They’re experimenting on cockroaches while we’re making lasagna. Tell them to go away!”
Kaname rushed to the home ec room and screamed at the biology club kids. “Don’t you have your own room?!”
Their blank-faced biology club president snickered and said, “Yeah, but the karate society guys are using it.”
Kaname cursed and headed to the biology room. “Tsubaki-kun!” she shouted as she opened the door, just as the karate society president, Tsubaki Issei, was jumping off a table. He was about to execute a jump kick on another of the club members, a burly man with a shaved head, when...
“Chido—” Issei noticed Kaname and lost all balance in midair. Crash! He dove shoulders-first into a shelf against the wall. Jars fell to the floor and broke, spilling their contents everywhere.
“Guh...” Issei got up unsteadily as the foul smell of formaldehyde filled the room. He was a short but attractive and masculine young man with thick eyebrows and almond-shaped eyes. “W-Well... if it isn’t Chidori,” he said. “How can I help you?”
“What were you thinking, messing around in a place like this?!” Kaname demanded, pinching her nose as she opened the window to clear the air.
Issei was flustered as he responded, “W-We weren’t messing around! We were studying ways to fight in an unpredictable environment...”
“Well, stop it! You’re messing everyone up! Find somewhere else to—”
“How dare you, woman!” the three club members shouted in unison.
“Aren’t you the one who drove us from our own dojo?!”
“We’re the victims here! We’re pitiful lost lambs!”
“Indeed! We’re the underdogs!” the big men said one after another.
But Issei smacked them all down at the speed of light.
“What are you doing, Tsubaki-kun?” they all asked in unison again.
“Shut up! Don’t say something so pathetic so proudly!” Issei shouted. The club members all hung their heads in unison.
Kaname sighed as she watched. “Anyway... Whatever you do, you can’t do it here. Though I am sorry.”
“Hm... fine. Sorry, Chidori.”
“Thanks. I’m glad you get it. You’re a really nice guy.” She smiled brightly.
“R-Really?”
“Yeah. Well, see you later!” Kaname left the biology room. She could hear Issei’s underlings ribbing him about his goofy smile, but didn’t dwell on it.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake. It’s one thing after another today!” Kaname muttered to herself after returning to the student council room. She cast a glance at Sousuke, who was lost in his reading. “Sousuke,” she said, “Kyoko told me you went on another rampage during lunch break.”
“It wasn’t a rampage,” he protested. “I was acting with all due caution, and it turned out not to be a threat after all.”
“Oh, yeah?” Kaname eyed him, but she must have been too tired to dig any further.
“Still, the photography club is struggling,” he informed her. “They don’t have their own room, so they were using a storage room instead.”
“More club room issues, huh?” Club room issues—a problem common to every school. Jindai High had its own two-story club building, but it was currently all booked up, which forced clubs to share rooms—sometimes just two clubs at a time, but up to four in the most painful of cases.
“And that’s before they all start vying for budgets next month,” she said. “This stuff seriously makes my head hurt.”
“Why don’t we construct a new club building on the roof? I can buy a used temporary structure from the US military for practically nothing,” Sousuke offered. “Though the lack of windows and poor ventilation will likely make it a sauna in summer...”
“No, thank you.”
It was just then that the student council president, Hayashimizu Atsunobu, entered the room. He was tall and pale with intellectual features. The council secretary, Mikihara Ren, stood attentively behind him, which made him look like some kind of company CEO.
“Fine work today, Chidori-kun,” Hayashimizu commented. It looked like he’d heard about the day’s chaos.
“Thanks,” said Kaname. “Where have you been?”
“In talks,” he told her.
“Oh, really? While I’ve been run ragged sorting out club room chaos?”
“That’s what the talks were in regard to,” he informed her. “A room in the club building is opening up—the social research club, which had only two members, has agreed to vacate it.”
“Oh? That’s good to hear.”
“But we must decide to which club the vacated room will go,” he reminded her. “Roomless clubs will likely flood us with applications. I personally believed a simple lottery would suffice... but the social research club’s agreement to leave came with a curious condition as to how the replacement is to be chosen.”
“Which is...?”
“The club that wins a competition dictated by the social research club gets the room.”
“So what’s the competition?”
“A competition to see who can pick up more members of the opposite sex in town. Whoever gets the most girls wins.”
Kaname was silent for a few moments.
“Um... Are you suggesting...”
“Yes,” he said. “In other words, pick-up artistry.”
Upon realizing that Hayashimizu was serious, Kaname’s mouth hung open limply.
The next Sunday, the weather was clear, the skies were blue, and a group of thirty or so Jindai High School students gathered in a corner of Inokashira Park, close to the entertainment district of Hachijoji. They were all in street clothes, and rather fashionable ones at that. Some of them looked openly upset about the thought of participating in the competition but, knowing it was the only way to get a club room, they weren’t about to sit it out.
The president of the social research club, Nanba Shiro, addressed the group with a megaphone. “All right, everyone. Good morning!”
“Yeah...” the club members responded listlessly.
Nanba was a third-year boy on the portly side, with large eyes that seemed to constantly dart back and forth. “It’s great pick-up weather, isn’t it?” he commented. “Some say that clear weather increases the success rate of pick-ups. I want you all to put in a good show and go for that club room!”
“Yeah...” The club members let out another listless reply.
“I’ll go over the rules one more time,” he continued. “Three members from each club will execute the pick-ups. You’ll speak to members of the opposite sex on the street, and compete to see who lands the most. Any girls who are here at 5 pm will count. You can bring them yourself or just invite them under any pretense you like.”
“So, anything goes?” a member of the light music club asked.
“Yes. You can even tell them the nature of the competition and ask for their help. Or you can go the opposite route and lie your ass off. The point is, they have to be strangers—no calling friends and family in to buff up your numbers,” Nanba clarified. “If you’re caught cheating in that regard, you’ll be disqualified. I want to be very firm on that point. Additionally...” He went on to explain the finer points of the rules, then concluded, “So, after registering over there, you can hit up the town. Good luck.”
“Yeah...” The participants in the pick-up contest gathered around the other social research club member, who was holding a clipboard.
Ahh. It really is starting... Kaname thought in vague disgust as she watched the registration process begin. She’d been sent as an observer on behalf of the student council, and though she didn’t have much to do, she’d committed to spending the whole day here.
Participants included Kazama Shinji of the photography club and Tsubaki Issei of the karate society. Issei, in particular, looked unhappy about the situation. He didn’t seem to like the premise of the event one bit.
Sousuke was present as well. He wasn’t there on behalf of the student council and wasn’t a member of any of the small clubs vying for the spare room. He’d apparently just shown up.
Is he interested in the pick-up aspect, then? Kaname thought suspiciously as she watched Sousuke line up with the registrants for some reason.
“Sousuke? Why are you lining up?” she asked, and the others all looked at him.
“Because it’s the registration line,” he answered, confused.
“But you aren’t in a club,” she pointed out.
“Incorrect,” he told her. “I’m enrolled in the photography club as of yesterday. I’ve already handed in the appropriate documentation.”
“What?”
“It’s true, Chidori-san,” said Kazama Shinji, who was standing beside him. “We asked Sagara-kun to help us out. He’s a good-looking guy and he’s brave... and he wanted to make up for the whole film incident. Right?”
“Affirmative.”
Issei, standing at the head of the line, smacked his fist into his palm in frustration. “A ringer. Damn... I hadn’t thought of that!”
Sousuke glanced at Issei, letting out a snort. Then he proudly proclaimed, “It’s too late now, Tsubaki. The moment I threw my hat into the ring, your hopes were dashed. That club room will belong to the photography club.”
“What was that?! Sagara, how many times will you interfere with my—er, what?” Issei suddenly stopped and sagged as he noticed Sousuke’s mode of dress: Beat-up urban camouflage fatigues, faded boots, hand grenades pinned to his chest... “What kind of outfit is that for a pick-up competition?”
“Hmm?” Sousuke questioned.
“Well, give it your best shot...” Issei said pityingly, then turned away from Sousuke.
The other participants around them cackled at the exchange.
“Why are you laughing?” Sousuke asked in confusion.
The members of the light music club shared a meaningful glance with each other. “Well... you know?” one said.
“You think any woman would go out with a guy dressed like that? You look like a pathetic military geek,” said another.
“I’m prioritizing functionality,” Sousuke told them. “Personally, I feel your outfits are the laughable ones in this situation.”
“Oh?” At Sousuke’s words, the light music club members bristled a little and shared a glance. “Well, why don’t we add a little wager on top, then? If you manage to bring in a single girl, we’ll treat you to lunch for two straight weeks.”
“Hmm.”
“And if you don’t even get one girl... I know. You’ll have to swim in that lake over there, stark naked. How about it?”
“I accept,” Sousuke said nonchalantly.
The crowd erupted into hollers around them.
“Nice one, light music club!”
“Now it’s even more exciting!”
“We all heard it! He said stark naked!”
Sousuke remained completely calm amid the guffawing around him.
Kaname, who’d been silent up until now, was getting too uncomfortable not to ask, “Hey... Hey, Sousuke! Are you sure you want to agree to that?”
“It’s not an issue,” he told her calmly.
“Do you even understand what a pick-up competition is?”
“Yes, Kazama told me. It’s a girl hunt; easily accomplished,” Sousuke responded with tremendous confidence.
“Easily... accomplished?”
“Yes,” he affirmed, “I can knock any woman out flat on the first try.”
Kaname said nothing, but she felt quietly suspicious of his phrasing.
And so, the competition began. The participants left the park to go about the city.
“This is a social research activity, you see,” Nanba explained to Kaname.
“The pick-up competition?”
“Right. What kind of person do girls trust most—those who tell the truth or those who lie? Do looks play into it? Aggressiveness? Is there some other principle at play? We thought this would provide an interesting sample,” he explained.
“Aha...”
“The clubs that want the club room offer a lot of demographic diversity,” he went on, “and since we had a bargaining chip to put on the table, we figured we’d try them out.”
“I see...” said Kaname. It made a strange kind of sense to her. They then arrived in front of a famous department store at the south entrance of Hachijoji Station. “Wow, look at them go,” she said as she caught sight of the model-building enthusiasts making passes at women near the store’s entrance.
Sasaki Hiromi, the student in charge of equipment for the student council (but participating outside of his capacity as such), was among them. Hiromi had managed to get the attention of two rather ditzy-looking girls and was stumbling over his words shyly. “Um... e-excuse me...”
“Huh? Whaddya want?” one of the girls asked. Her tone communicated an understandable disrespect.
Hiromi’s manner immediately became more passive and awkward. “Um, um... would you like to... grab a drink with us?”
“Is this a cult thing? Or a pickup?” the girl asked suspiciously, which was a natural reaction. “Or do you just think we’re stupid?”
Nevertheless, he mustered up all the courage (or whatever you’d call it) he could find and continued. “W-Well, maybe karaoke... er...”
“What’s with these freaks? Karaoke? Anisong, right?”
“Yeah, I bet!” The two girls laughed uproariously.
It was painful to watch. Kaname scowled, while Nanba pulled out a memo pad and pen and whispered, “Model-building enthusiasts struggling, as expected.”
“What the heck? Quit lookin’ at me like that,” said one of the girls. “It’s creepy.”
“We’re... We’re sorry.”
“Turn around three times and bark,” she demanded, “then maybe I’ll let you treat me to lunch. Go on.”
“You... You don’t have to be cruel.”
“Wow, you got him!” her friend said admiringly. “Look, he’s crying!”
“I... I’m not crying...”
But despite the way the boys bravely continued their attempts to talk to them, the girls wouldn’t let up.
Hiromi finally exploded and grabbed at the woman’s collar, “You bitch!”
“Erk!” she squealed.
“Just lay off, okay?!” he shouted on the verge of tears. “I’m not talking to you because I wanted to! I just... I just... I just want a room where I can build my models! Every night, the unfinished kits whisper to me, ‘Make me complete, make me complete!’ What would you hideous 1:1 Perfect Grade flesh dolls know about anything?! Not even Katoki Hajime could make you look good! Maybe start by replacing that hideous makeup of yours with Sentinel blue and adding some EFSF and Vms-AWrs markings! How about it?!”
His fellow club members quickly moved to stop him.
“Stop it! Stop it, Sasaki!”
“We get how you feel!”
“Let me go, Senpai! I’ll correct her disgusting attitude! You’ll pay, you whore!” Hiromi kept shouting as the two girls ran away, completely put off by his behavior.
Wow... zero points for that. Kaname thought. You couldn’t exactly pick up a woman while calling her a whore.
“Well, not much hope there... Let’s move along, Chidori-kun,” Nanba said calmly, and they moved on.
They made a circuit around the station, where every team they saw seemed to be struggling equally with their pick-up techniques. After all, students who cared this much about their club activities tended to focus on those over skirt-chasing day-to-day.
The members of the light music club seemed to be putting up the best fight of the lot. Just after noon, when Kaname stopped in, she saw them chatting up a small group of girls. They weren’t particularly experienced in picking up women either, and it was probably less an issue of looks and speech as it was the confidence they’d picked up from playing onstage.
Oho... impressive. Eighty points, perhaps? thought Kaname, interested in their success.
Nanba commented, though, while still taking notes, “They don’t know what they’re doing, either. Picking up women is a numbers game.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Any man, if he cleans himself up and talks to ten girls, will get at least one to give him the time of day. And one out of ten who give him the time of day will probably hear him out to the end. I mean, despite what I look like,” said Nanba, slapping at his beer belly and double chin. “I still have a roughly 1% success rate with pickups. If I walk around for one full day, I’ll end up with at least one real phone number. In other words, persistence is the key. The persistence to talk to one hundred people.”
“Aha...”
“Particularly, look for married women on weekday mornings,” he went on. “Women who want a little fun when their husband’s away. You can’t go after young women. Their expectations and demands are too high.”
“I... I see...” Kaname responded vaguely, resisting the urge to ask how much experience he personally had with this.
“Well, I’ll go check in on the others,” he said next. “What will you do, Chidori-san?”
“Oh... I think I’ll wander around a bit longer.”
“All right. See you later.”
Kaname parted ways with Nanba, then wandered around the open market area in front of the station for a little while. Eventually she noticed two big men—members of the karate society—moving through the crowd. They were immediately recognizable from their size and were dressed in riveted leather jackets with spiked collars and mohawk wigs. They looked like background extras from Fist of the North Star.
C-Costumes? she wondered weakly.
They were advancing on three middle-school-aged girls, fingers flexing menacingly. They were too far away for Kaname to hear, but given how scared the girls looked—huddling together and slowly stepping back—they must have been saying some pretty nasty things.
Sheesh, now it’s just kidnapping, Kaname thought. She was about to try and stop them, when...
“Hold it!” Issei suddenly appeared behind the two men. They turned back and, for some reason, got into fighting postures. “The... The girls don’t like it. L-Let... Let go of them.” Issei turned a bit pink in the cheeks as he spoke in a monotone.
Meanwhile, the big men seemed very enthusiastic. “Eh? And who d’you think you are?”
“Little shrimp. I’ll tear your arm off!” they shouted, pulling out a spiked bat and a big axe before charging at Issei.
“Heh...” Now came Issei’s moment to shine. Like a member of a Sentai team putting on a show at an amusement park, he moved with springy jumps and whip-like strikes. Weaving together big and small movements, he eventually sent both of the big men flying (in a way that definitely required the men’s cooperation).
“This isn’t over!” they shouted back at him (unconvincingly) as they ran off.
“Aha... not bad.” Kaname understood now. Issei was taking the age-old “guardian” tactic.
Issei, keenly feeling the eyes of the crowd on him, blushed an even deeper red. “D-Did they hurt you?” he asked the girls.
“W-We’re okay. Thank... Thank you,” the three dazed girls managed to answer.
“I see. Now... if you’d really like to thank me, I would like to ask you a favor.”
“What?”
“This evening at five o’clock, come to the stage at Inokashira Park,” he told them. “All together.”
“Wh-Why?”
“I... I’ll explain then. Just come, please. It’s very important. Goodbye!”
“Oh. Er...!”
Apparently unable to stand the attention any longer, Issei disappeared into the crowd.
Hmm... I’ll give him 60 points for that one, Kaname decided thoughtfully from where she was watching. Having the bigger club members play the bad guys to get attention was a good idea, but Issei hadn’t stuck the landing. He should’ve made sure to get a firmer commitment from them. Since he’s such a good-looking guy, she thought.
That said, it had been a good showing from Issei. It was impressive to see a fighter like him make such an effort to play the role of actor. He must have really wanted that room. It went past being funny, in fact, and became a little sad.
She’d managed to see most of the clubs competing for the room at this point. All that was left was Sousuke’s photography club. That was actually the one Kaname was most curious about. How will that war-addled idiot handle picking up girls? she wondered.
Kaname headed north along the shopping street and finally saw Kazama Shinji trying to get the attention of a passing girl. He was alone for some reason—Sousuke wasn’t with him. The type of woman he was going for was an even worse match than the ones the modeling guys had tried for, with bleached hair, outrageous makeup, gaudy accessories... Like a cryptid, perhaps. Or part of a headhunter tribe.
Wow, thought Kaname. Kazama-kun’s aiming high too.
Shinji was groveling before the woman, and while Kaname was too far away to hear the conversation, the woman really seemed to be giving him a piece of her mind. Nevertheless, Shinji continued pleading with her.
Is he going for a pity strategy? Kaname wondered until Shinji pulled, of all things, three 10,000-yen bills out of his pocket and handed them to her. Wait, a bribe?!
In response, the woman laughed and started walking, shoving Shinji along with her. The two then disappeared into a nearby alley.
As Kazama Shinji entered the alley with the girl, restraining his feelings of shame all the while, he pulled an FM transceiver out of his pocket and called into it, “Gedor to Ashkelos. Long live Jerusalem. Over.”
“Ashkelos, copy. Proceed with caution,” came Sousuke’s voice through the radio.
Seeing that, the girl—whose name he didn’t know—gave Shinji one more shove. “What’re you mumblin’ about?” she complained. “It’s creepin’ me out.”
“Hah... sorry,” he told her. “Just got a call from my friend.”
“What kind of friend? Some foreigner or somethin’?”
“S-Something like that. Anyway... how about here?” As they made it to the T-intersection at the end of the alley, Shinji stopped, pulling a reflex camera out of his bag.
“Anywhere’s fine,” the girl said dismissively. “Just take your pictures, perv. I got friends waiting, so—”
“S-Sure. Let’s just...” Shinji whispered into his radio.
“Gedor here. The pig’s in the pen. Go!”
“Ashkelos, copy.”
She really is a mean person, Shinji thought. And she’s stuck up, at that. She thinks I’d really pay 30,000 yen for a lousy picture of her panties?
The woman, ignorant of Shinji’s thoughts, kept hurrying him along. “I said hurry, okay? Make me wait too long and I’ll charge extra. Thirty thousand’s not enough for this garbage—”
Pew! Suddenly, there was a bright flash above her head. “Eek!” A tremor ran through the woman’s body. She let out a shrill scream and collapsed.
“Ashkelos, mission complete.” Shinji looked up and saw Sousuke on the third floor landing of a nearby fire escape, holding an already-fired taser. Using a rope to drop down into the alley, he then took the money back from the woman’s prone form.
“That makes six,” Sousuke commented. “Quite a catch indeed.” Then he hefted the girl over his shoulder. His expression was as sullen as ever, yet he seemed ambiguously pleased with himself.
“Sagara-kun, I feel like... maybe this isn’t right,” Shinji said uneasily.
“The competition rules did say ‘any means necessary.’ To bait a trap and then spring it is the most reliable method,” Sousuke pointed out.
“I know I said I want the club room, but this seems a little...”
“You’re the one who told me that it was a girl hunt.”
“I didn’t mean a literal hunt...”
Ignoring Shinji’s complaints, Sousuke turned his eyes to the distance. “I used to hunt, back in the old days. Once I caught a two-meter-long crocodile in the swamps of South America. Even a wild boar is far more formidable prey than this.”
Binding the unconscious woman’s hands and feet with sturdy wire, he proceeded to throw her into a hand cart concealed deeper in the alley. Five similar women were already lying in the bed, occasionally letting out a grunt or a curse. Every single one of them had been lured in by Shinji’s offer of 30,000 yen to take pictures of their panties.
Shinji tried again. “Look... I know we’re in pretty deep already, but this feels kind of illegal, you know?”
“But we’ll free them this evening,” Sousuke pointed out. “It’s catch and release. There’s no issue.”
“There so is an issue!” came a new voice.
They turned to look at the speaker and saw Kaname standing there dauntlessly.
“Ch-Chidori-san?!”
“Chidori. How can I help you?” Sousuke replied unconcernedly.
Kaname strode up to him. “You are... without a doubt...”
“Hmm? What are you—”
Thump! Whump! Wham! She struck a fist into his solar plexus, followed by a hook to his temple and a final throat strike that left him collapsed on the ground. Once he was down, Kaname stepped over him. Pointing at the hand cart and glaring at Shinji, she demanded, “Let them go! Now!”
“Y-Yes, ma’am!” Shinji, completely terrified, tearily untied the women.
“Now hurry, let’s go!” Kaname told them urgently. “The police will be here soon, okay?!”
After freeing the women, the trio quickly fled the scene of the crime. Having escaped to a nearby multi-purpose building, shoulders heaving, Kaname kicked Sousuke to the ground one more time.
“That hurt,” he said simply.
“Oh, shut up!” she snarled. “Don’t you even realize when you’re doing something bizarre?!”
“I don’t think I understand what a pick-up is...” Sousuke lamented as he sat up, looking confused.
“Fine! Listen. Here’s what a pick-up is...” Kaname explained very carefully the definition of the term. After going over the general principles of the act, she then went on to explain her experience of having been on the receiving end of it.
As he listened, Sousuke’s expression became more and more grave... and soon, his face was covered in sweat. “Is that what it is?”
“Yes, that’s what it is!”
“But I can’t do that.”
“Don’t give me the puppy-dog eyes!”
There was now a faintly awkward cast to Sousuke’s permanently blank expression. He looked like he’d shot someone he’d thought was a terrorist but turned out to be an innocent civilian.
Kaname slumped over and sighed. “You really didn’t know? You truly are hopeless!”
“This is bad. Very bad. I didn’t anticipate this at all,” Sousuke said, his expression grave as he hung his head.
Meanwhile, Shinji, perhaps the most at fault among them, finally began to panic a little. “Wh-What are we gonna do, Sagara-kun? You made that promise to the light music club guys. If we don’t bring in at least one girl, you’ll be humiliated! You’ll have to swim in that freezing water naked... Hey, Chidori-san. What if we take in just one using our earlier method...”
“What?! No way!” Kaname turned him down flat.
“But... this isn’t about the club anymore,” Shinji pleaded. “Sagara-kun’s in real trouble!”
Kaname was at a loss for words for a moment. “W-Well... that isn’t my problem! I can’t fix all his problems every time.”
“Chidori-san?!”
“It’s a learning opportunity! Let... Let him learn his lesson! All the things he does... causing so much trouble... And that thing before could’ve been a huge problem, right?” she pointed out defensively. “Not just for him, but for the whole school!” That was how Kaname genuinely felt. Sousuke was always causing trouble, and she was always cleaning up after him. She was genuinely sick of it.
Eventually, Sousuke whispered, weakly, “I’m sorry. You’re right. I’ll figure it out myself.”
“Sagara-kun?” said Shinji.
“I don’t have a choice. I’ll try it the right way. I’ll speak to women normally. It’s possible there are women out there with unexpected interest in missiles and sniper rifles,” Sousuke said, but he already sounded defeated.
It did indeed seem like Sousuke was trying to do things the right way, walking all around the station area and calling out to any girl he saw.
Excuse me. I just learned some interesting information about the new Javelin missiles...
Would you like to know the names of North Chinese Army spies infiltrating the Department of Defense?
Would you like to learn reliable and accurate ways of killing someone from a distance?
It was all that kind of thing. On top of that, Sousuke spoke to them with excessive intensity, plus he was dressed in fatigues. Although he was reasonably handsome, it wasn’t enough to compensate for his intimidating aura.
The girls he spoke to uniformly looked at him with suspicion before quickly running off. Nanba of the social research club had told Kaname that if you talked to one hundred people, you’d always pick up one, but Sousuke’s ratio was likely to be less than one in ten thousand.
Ahh... it’s hopeless after all, Kaname thought with a sigh, watching from a distance. There was still time before the 5 pm deadline, but it was clearly pointless.
Nevertheless, she’d made up her mind not to interfere. It was better that way—maybe having that bad experience would help Sousuke to reflect on his behavior and speed up his struggle to adjust to life in Japan. She’d lost any urge she once had to advise him on how to do better. But nevertheless, there was something about seeing Sousuke—who was always such an inflexible hard-liner—acting so desperately that was very hard to watch.
Sousuke applied himself diligently to every task, and it was genuinely painful to see him like this. She watched for a while until one ‘member of the opposite sex’ did indeed stop to listen to him. It was an old, hunch-backed woman dressed in a kimono.
“I have new information on the encryption used by the Soviet military’s Far East Fleet,” he told her earnestly. “If you’d be willing to help me, I can tell you what it is.”
“Yes, yes. This is my eighty-eighth year, you know,” she told him. “Isn’t that wonderful?”
“Would you like to know the fatal flaws in the Self-Defense Force’s anti-ship missiles? Selling that information could earn you significant spending money,” said Sousuke.
“Yes, yes. The other day, my daughter and her husband took me to the hot spring in Kusatsu,” the old woman replied. “The water was heavenly. Yes.”
“It’s true, I promise. If you want to know my source—”
“I’m here shopping for my grandson’s birthday today. You’re about his size.”
“I see.”
“Yes, yes. He really is a kind, considerate boy.”
“I’m glad to hear that...” In the end, Sousuke listened to the woman talk about herself for about thirty minutes, joined her in helping her buy a birthday present for her grandson, then saw her politely to the station.
What in the world is he doing? He’s barely got any time left. “But still...” Kaname let out a sigh. He was silly and stupid and always made trouble... yet when an old woman had needed his help, he’d given it. That was who Sousuke was. As she watched him from afar, she felt a curious sense of amusement combined with pity... a strange feeling indeed.
Kaname pulled her PHS out of her pocket, punched in a certain phone number, and waited a while. “Ah, hello? Nanba-san?” she said at last. “Um... I’m not feeling well. Yeah. I’m gonna go home and lie down. I’m okay... I think. Yeah. Yeah... Sorry. Later.” Kaname then hung up and went back to staring at Sousuke, who was still wandering around the station area. “See you. Good luck,” she whispered, then bought a train ticket for home and began to walk.
As five o’clock came, darkness was just beginning to veil Inokashira Park. There were about a dozen women they had brought there in addition to the thirty Jindai students who’d gathered there that morning. There were some thinking they were arriving for a date, upset to learn that it was a school event. There were some who still didn’t know what was going on and were looking around suspiciously. And some who’d been told the situation from the start and were just waiting around patiently.
Nanba Shiro at last addressed the group. “Attention, all! Excellent work today.”
“Uh-huh...” Having been running around all day, the club members who wanted the room looked extremely tired.
“The tallying is now complete. Well, okay, so there weren’t really enough to need a tally, but... let me announce the results! In third place, with three points, are the fishing enthusiasts!” This earned scattered, perfunctory applause. It was understandable—there was no actual prize for third place.
Nanba continued on nevertheless. “In second place, with five points, the light music club! It’s a shame. I think you could’ve gone the distance...” There was more perfunctory applause as the light music club members let out depressed sighs. The girls they’d reeled in looked genuinely unhappy about the situation.
“And first place, incredibly, the karate society, with an amazing eleven points!”
“Yes!” The three big men of the karate society wept with joy and leaped into the air before the shocked audience. Meanwhile, Issei, standing among the group of shouting girls, was looking very shrunken and uncomfortable indeed.
The eleven girls who’d come to see Issei began to mutter around him.
“I came because I thought you were cute... What’s with all these other girls?”
“Tsubaki-san, um... were these the ‘circumstances’ you mentioned?”
“Hey, hey. Is there gonna be a follow-up to that show this afternoon?”
As Issei became extremely apologetic to the girls huddled around him, his fellow students began to mutter.
“I didn’t think he’d bring in this many...”
“Are girls just super attracted to Tsubaki? Is it a pheromone thing?”
“No, no. This generation just has a preference for fighter types...”
There were a great many sighs heaved between them.
“Which means the club room now belongs to the karate society! You’re all witnesses. Now, take care!” Nanba declared before dismissing them. But the group didn’t disperse immediately. Instead, the members of the light music club turned their eyes to Sousuke with great interest.
“Sagara-kun? How’d the photography club do?” asked a grinning student who sang vocals.
Sousuke paused. “Zero points,” he responded, slumped over.
“Zero, huh? That means you didn’t pick up a single girl, right?”
“Affirmative,” he added hesitantly.
“Hah. A promise is a promise, then,” the light music members said gleefully. “Time for a little dip in the lake. Ready?” They were all grinning at him enthusiastically.
Shinji was panicking while Issei whispered in disgust, “I warned you.”
Sousuke remained silent for a while, then let out a small sigh. “Very well. A promise is a promise...”
“Take it off! Take it off!” the group chanted as Sousuke removed his camouflage jacket.
The girls around them shrieked, excited about this new development. Sousuke finished removing his shirt and reached for the hem of his tank top. But just then...
“Ah... excuse me?”
A woman in voluminous Japanese-style clothing appeared. She looked to be in her midtwenties, with dewy, almond-shaped eyes. Her appearance was immaculate, her bearing extremely elegant. She had a certain quiet grace about her that made her seem inappropriate to the scene. She wore a deep violet kimono with intricate embroidery and her elegantly tied-up hair shone lustrously. The white nape of her neck was bewitching, and her skin lacked a single blemish.
As the peanut gallery watched in curiosity and suspicion, the woman shuffled up to Sousuke and spoke in a mature, husky voice, “I’m terribly sorry I’m late, Sagara-san.”
“What?!” Everyone around them, including the light music club, cried out in surprise. Sousuke, too, could only gape, confused by the unfamiliar woman’s appearance.
“Who are—” He was about to say more, but she pressed her finger to his lips.
“Say no more, now,” she told him. “You’re the one who begged me to come out with you this afternoon, remember? And it was so difficult slipping out without my husband seeing...”
Husband?! She’s a married woman?! the students of Jindai seemed to think, united in their shocked reactions.
The woman tilted her head with a shy smile. “You did promise, didn’t you? That you’d join me for dinner...”
“R-Right...” Sousuke could do nothing but stand there, flustered.
Meanwhile, the woman pressed herself up against his chest and drew little circles on it with her finger. “I simply... couldn’t wait. Shall we, then?”
“Er? Um...”
She quietly took his arm and began to walk with elegant steps. Sousuke was so taken aback that he couldn’t do anything but walk sluggishly after her. “Best wishes, all.” The woman paid her elegant respects to the shocked gaggle of Jindai students, then led Sousuke away into a corner of the business district.
As Sousuke followed in silence, he could hear shouts from behind him:
“We lost!”
“A married woman?!”
“He got us!”
But the woman kept him moving. Who is she? he wondered. Even as they left the park, Sousuke couldn’t begin to imagine. As dense as he was around women, even he couldn’t help but feel agitated as he walked alongside her. He’d never spent time with a woman like this before.
“Just in the nick of time, hmm, Sagara-san?” she whispered to him.
“Yes. Er... and who are you, exactly?” Sousuke asked, nervously.
“Gracious... You don’t remember?” she asked mischievously. “But we see each other every day.”
“I... I’m very sorry. But... I’m afraid I simply don’t.”
“You really don’t recognize me?”
“No. I’m... very sorry.”
Suddenly, the Japanese-style beauty snorted in laughter, “Snrk... Yeah, I can’t keep it up. Pfft... bwa ha ha ha ha! I did it! I’m incredible! Awesome! It worked like a charm!”
Sousuke stared at her in shock. The moment her voice lost its elegant masking, he realized who it was. “Ch-Chidori?!”
“Yep! You didn’t catch on, huh? Not even for a minute? How awesome am I? Perfect score!” She threw her fists into the air and launched into singing her own praises. Despite how mature her makeup made her look, when she acted like this, she was unmistakably Kaname.
Sousuke, nervous and trembling, still didn’t seem to understand exactly what had happened.
After thoroughly enjoying his reactions, Kaname spoke up. “Heh heh... Be grateful, okay? I went all the way home and, with O-Ren-san’s help, got into my mother’s kimono.”
“I see...” He had to admit defeat. She’d not only saved him, but completely fooled him, too. “Honestly... you never cease to amaze me.”
“Right? And there’s one more thing I’d like to hear you say, if you don’t mind...” Kaname peered into his face, eyes shining with expectation.
Hear me say? What could it be? Sousuke spoke uncertainly, “Um... thank you?”
“Nope.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Stupid.” Kaname’s expression was gradually growing more and more unsatisfied.
He considered, and after much wracking of the brain, he spoke up timidly, “You look... beautiful?”
“Heh. That’s the first time you’ve said so.” Kaname grinned at him broadly, and it truly was a beautiful smile.
〈Uncooperative Bluebird — The End〉
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