The Self-Serving Blues
The overactive, quirky young person who marches to their own drumbeat—every school has at least a few, and one of them, here, was Onodera Kotaro.
His friends called him Ono-D. There was no special meaning behind the name; it was just a standard sort of nickname. Someone had just started using it one day, and soon enough, it had caught on.
He was tall and broad-shouldered, with tanned skin, thick eyebrows, and narrow eyes. His hairstyle was a dyed yellow buzz cut. The guys on the basketball team with him laughed and said he looked like Dennis Rodman, but he thought it looked good on him.
One day, when it was pouring rain outside, Kotaro was spending his lunch period hanging out in the classroom. He was paging through a seinen manga magazine that had come out that day, which someone had left in a corner of the classroom. Fighting stuff, adventure stuff, pervy stuff... it was the usual range. Once he’d read through all the comics, he turned his gaze back to the color pinup at the front.
It was one of those sexy idol-type girls with sharp features and slender limbs. The suggestive curvature of her legs combined with her provocative gaze left a striking impression.
“Cut me off a piece of that,” Kotaro whispered to himself. “Yeah, that’s right. Older women are where it’s at. She’s got it where it counts. That whole mysterious, all-knowing thing. Yeah...”
“Lemme see! Oh, it’s her?” Kazama Shinji, who’d just finished eating the lunch he’d brought, peered over at the pinup. Shinji was Kotaro’s classmate, a boy with shaggy bowl-cut hair and rimless glasses. He was short and as far from athletic as one could get, but for some reason, he was one of Kotaro’s best friends in class.
“Hey, Kazama. You know her?”
“Yeah, she’s been all over lately. And she’s currently attending university, I hear. Keio, I think.”
“Huh... So she’s smart too. Out of my league, I guess. Too bad.”
“Did you think you had a chance before that?” Shinji wrinkled his nose, then, seemingly realizing something, he adjusted his glasses. “Speaking of... don’t you think she looks a little like Chidori-san?”
“Chidori? Huh...” It was true that there was a resemblance in the features and the body lines. He’d never seen Chidori Kaname in a swimsuit like this, but the pinched waist and ample bust were certainly reminiscent of hers.
But just as Kotaro was thinking that, he heard a sound from the hall.
“Die! Die! Die! Say you’re sorry, dammit!”
Crash!
The door at the front of the classroom burst open as a boy, Sagara Sousuke, came tumbling in with a cry of distress.
“Security, my butt! Effective measures, my ass! Time to find a new line, dammit!” Kaname shouted as she strode into the room and grabbed Sousuke—who was trying to pick himself up after crashing into the lectern—by the scruff of the neck.
“It’s hard to breathe...”
“Shut up, you lousy little creep! I’m gonna make you writhe in pain, then dance the Tokyo Ondo! Now, dance the dance of madness! Step the steps of death!” she cried as she throttled him mercilessly.
“But... it was the best way to ascertain who’d been secretly smoking—”
“You’d have to be an idiot or an interdimensional alien to think that makes it okay to set up hidden cameras in the girls’ bathroom! Shiori’s been talking about how she’s ruined for marriage, like some character from an old manga!”
“She misunderstood. I only put the camera at the entrance. The individual stalls just have miniature smoke detectors and micropho—”
“It’s still peeping, asshole!” Kaname shouted as she moved him into a headlock and slammed him against the blackboard repeatedly, the female students egging her on.
Each successive hit sent chalk dust flying. “Ow. Ow. Ow.”
“Yeah, it better hurt!” Kaname taunted him. “I hope you burn in the fires of hell!”
Kotaro and Shinji stared in disbelief as she gleefully manhandled him. They looked between her and the sexy idol pinup, comparing the two.
“It’s really not like her at all, huh?”
“Yeah, guess not...”
The girls shouting as they poked and prodded at Sousuke looked more like an army of amazon commandos. Kotaro and Shinji were forced to sigh at the barbarity of it all.
“You know... there’s something pretty childish about the girls in our class.”
“You think?”
“Yeah. They’re like little kids, always babbling on about something or other. It’s just so disappointing. Especially when they flip out like a bunch of psychos...”
Just then... “Who are you calling psychos?” Chidori’s ears had a Devilman-like sharpness. She paused in the middle of her torment of Sousuke and turned her attention to Kotaro and Shinji.
Shinji looked away, whistling innocently.
Kotaro was about to respond with his usual equivocation, but... “You, Chidori,” he chose to respond for some reason.
“Ono-D...”
“You know what I mean? You’re girls, right? You gotta knock this crap off already. Quit running around like shrieky little kids and act more mature,” Kotaro said with a sneer.
Kaname was far from chastened, instead responding with a challenging smile. She tossed away her poor victim, Sousuke (our protagonist), who had completely lost the will to fight back at this point. She fixed her eyes on Kotaro, her hands on her hips. “Oh? More mature, huh?”
“Yeah. It’s just sad to watch. You oughta get your act together.”
“Ha. You don’t usually wise off to me like that... Is your crush today on some college girl or office lady?”
“H-Hey...” He couldn’t immediately deny it. Her excellent intuition had left Kotaro briefly at a loss for words. “Wh-What are you talking about? O-Of course not...”
“Ha. It’s clear your motives here are far less than pure. Besides, if you don’t like it, you don’t have to watch. It’s not like we’re happy having you staring at us like a perv anyway.”
“Hey, I never—”
“You’re a man, aren’t you? Don’t try to excuse it.”
“Yeah! Yeah! Ha ha ha!” The group of girls cackled.
“Geh...” Unable to think of a comeback for that one, Kotaro was left sputtering helplessly.
It was here that Tokiwa Kyoko interrupted. She was another of their classmates, a petite girl who wore braids and coke bottle glasses. “Come on, guys, enough. Don’t be so mean to Ono-D.”
Kyoko probably thought that she was helping, but Kotaro couldn’t help but take her words as mockery. “Oh, screw you.”
“What?”
“I said, screw you! I don’t need a shrimp like you making fun of me, too!”
Kotaro’s sudden aggression caused Kyoko to wave her hands quickly. “I w-wasn’t! I was just—”
“Shut up, shut up, shut up! Like I care what any of you children think! Just leave me alone from now on!” he shouted, like a child, and raced out of the classroom.
The rest of the group stared after him blankly.
“Huh? That’s weird. Is something actually going on in Ono-D’s life?” Kaname asked suspiciously.
Shinji tilted his head thoughtfully. “I don’t think so. I think he’s just at that age.”
“Hmm... Well, whatever. Anyway, Kyoko, you okay? Don’t let that jerk’s nasty words get to you,” she said to Kyoko, who was standing there, shoulders and braids both sagging.
“What? Oh... I’m okay. He just caught me off-guard a little bit,” Kyoko responded with a forced smile.
Incidentally, Sousuke had begun patting the chalk dust off his head, causing the students around him to complain.
The next morning...
“Morning! It’s a fine morning, everyone!” Kotaro proclaimed, beaming as he entered the classroom at the start of the day. He was in an excellent mood now, in stark contrast to the day before. “Kazama-kun, looking as gloomy as always! Cheer up, man! The world’s your oyster!” He roughly patted Shinji, who was sulking in his seat, on the shoulders. “Hey, Sagara-kun! Hope the battle’s going well! Looking good, man!” He gave another rough pat to Sousuke, who was fiddling with some kind of strange electronic device.
“You seem oddly cheery today. Has something happened?” Sousuke glared up at Kotaro. The sudden force had caused his hand to slip, bending the base of the IC chip he’d been working with.
“Oh, damn straight something happened! C’mere. Over here, quick!” He dragged Sousuke and Shinji into the corner of the classroom.
“What now, Ono-D? I’m sleepy...” Shinji complained.
“I was hoping to complete the detonator before class started...” Sousuke said unhappily.
Ignoring their objections, Kotaro thrust a picture at them. “Feast your eyes on this!”
“Eh?”
It was a picture of three beautiful girls, most likely in their twenties. The photo must have been taken at a tennis court, because they were all dressed for the game.
“Girls? What about them?”
“Ha ha ha... they’re third-years from Suiren Women’s College. They’re all single and looking for boyfriends.”
“Uh-huh...” Shinji eyed him suspiciously.
Meanwhile, Sousuke was staring at the picture hard enough to burn holes in it with his eyes. “Are you certain they’re students? The woman on the left resembles a terrorist currently wanted by French authorities. Perhaps it’s my imagination...”
“It’s your imagination,” Kotaro and Shinji said in unison.
“Are you certain? She shot two police officers and bombed a NATO facility. The latest intelligence said that she was hiding somewhere in East Asia—”
“It’s not her. Anyway, you’ll see when you meet her.”
“Meet her? I don’t understand.”
“You’re so stupid. I’m talking about a mixer! We set up a date. The one on the right is the big sister of a friend of mine from basketball club. He introduced us, and the next thing I knew... heh heh heh!” Kotaro snickered as his face contorted in a lecherous manner.
Shinji watched him dubiously. “A mixer?”
“Yeah. She asked me to come and bring some ‘cute guys’ from my class. But the guys in basketball club are all big, burly dudes. So...”
“Y-You want us to come?!”
Kotaro grinned. “Show a little gratitude. You guys might be a zero on the sex appeal front, but you’re at least pretty good looking.”
He had a point. If not for Sousuke’s stiff soldier attitude, he would be a properly handsome “quiet type.” And when Shinji wasn’t going on about some geeky topic or other, he would look like a pretty and delicate young man that would inflame a woman’s protective instincts.
“Well... I’d love to go, but... I really don’t have any experience with this kind of thing. I think I’d probably be too nervous to say anything,” Shinji said, worried.
Kotaro patted him on the back. “You’ll be fine, man. I’ll take the lead.”
“The lead? Ono-D, have you ever been to a mixer yourself?”
“S-Sure. It’s easy stuff.”
“Did you stammer there? You stammered, didn’t you?!”
“Wh-What’s wrong with you? D-Don’t be so worried about everything! Ha ha ha...”
“You stammered again!” Shinji now had tears in his eyes.
Kotaro snatched him up in a firm headlock. “Don’t be such a whiner. Just shut up and come along!”
“Ow, ow...”
“You were complaining about the girls in our class yesterday too!”
“I know, but...”
“I swore an oath that I’d be through with childish women after that. I want older women! The kind that won’t smack a guy around!”
“Hmm...” Hearing this, Sousuke thought of an “older woman” that he personally knew. She was a 26-year-old, single, Chinese-American former Marine who frequently smacked around a colleague of his.
Ignorant of Sousuke’s inner thoughts, Kotaro went on. “Look. I want you guys to really think about this one. They’re college students. College students! Chances like this don’t come around every day. We gotta take this one! Sagara, you’re coming, right?!”
“To this... mix-thing of yours?”
“Yeah. It’s tonight at six in Kichijoji. Come dressed to the nines!”
At this, Sousuke fell into thought. “To what does ‘to the nines’ refer?”
“Well... just wear the most expensive thing you have. Got it?”
“Understood.”
After class ended, Sousuke was busily preparing to leave when Kaname spoke to him.
“Sousuke, Kyoko and Mizuki are coming by tonight. I was gonna make a nice meal. Wanna join?”
Kaname’s and Sousuke’s apartments were close to each other, so this kind of invitation wasn’t unusual for him. Normally, Sousuke would agree without a second thought, but...
“Hmm. I’m afraid I can’t go tonight. I have a prior engagement.”
Kaname just shrugged, not looking especially disappointed. “Oh, really? What kind of prior engagement?”
“I’m going to a mix-up in Kichijoji with Onodera and Kazama.”
Kaname blinked at him. “A... what?”
“A mix-up. I believe that was the word. Anyway, I’m in a hurry. Goodbye.”
“W-Wait! Wait a minute! A mix... are you crazy?! Sousuke! Ah, there he goes...” He flew out of the classroom, not listening to her admonitions to stop.
That night, in Kichijoji...
The college girls who arrived at the designated meeting spot near the station did indeed look very appealing. Their mode of dress wasn’t flashy at all; they just wore ordinary clothing with just a few accents, which gave them an unpretentious appeal. Meanwhile, their aromatic perfumes tickled the nose.
“I’m Mutsu Mutsumi. A pleasure to meet you!”
“I’m Kaizu Kaiko. Let’s have fun today!”
“I’m Kujo Kumi. A pleasure.”
They all seemed like very energetic ladies as they introduced themselves.
Kotaro and Shinji, who had arrived ahead of time, whispered to each other.
“Their name kanji... land, sea, sky. Very militaristic.”
“I like it. Makes it easy to remember.”
Just then, the active-looking girl with shoulder-length hair and the “land” name kanji, Mutsu Mutsumi, asked, “By the way... Onodera-kun, right? Is it just you two? I thought there would be three of you.”
Sousuke hadn’t shown up yet. He’d called Kotaro earlier to say he’d be about five minutes late, so he’d probably show up soon. Even though he’d told him to wear the most fashionable outfit he had, Kotaro was still worried he’d show up in some weird camouflage outfit or something.
Nevertheless, Kotaro hid his concerns and grinned. “Ah, yeah, there’s one more coming! He said he’d be a little late, but he should—”
Just then, a strange voice sounded out nearby. “Fumoffu.”
The group looked over and saw Bonta-kun standing beside a pillar.
They all stared in silence as it began to speak.
“Fumoffu. Fumoffu. Fumo, fumo.”
“Bonta-kun” was two heads tall, a creature halfway between a dog and a mouse. It wore a snazzy hat and bowtie. It approached and gave Kotaro a friendly pat on the back.
After a long period of silence, one of the girls spoke up hesitantly. “Um... Onodera-kun? This isn’t the third person, is it?”
“Moffuru.” Bonta-kun puffed up as if to say, Affirmative.
Kotaro remained locked up for a few moments, but finally stepped forward, awkwardly. “W-Wait just a minute. Bonta-kun. Come here. Come on. This way...”
“Fumo?” Bonta-kun said as Kotaro and Shinji each took one of his bushy arms and walked him away.
Once they were out of sight, they shouted, in unison, “Take off that head!”
Bonta-kun did as he was told. As expected, the person inside it was a sullen Sousuke.
“I thought it was you!”
“Hmm? Is there some issue?”
“There sure as hell is! Why the hell are you wearing that mascot outfit?!”
“As you instructed, I wore the most expensive outfit I own. I poured approximately twenty thousand dollars into this power suit. Recently, I even added BC defenses and a power assist function.”
“What, really? Let me see!” Shinji said, his eyes suddenly sparkling.
“No, stop that! Just take that thing off and stash it somewhere. Kazama, you’ve got a buddy who works at a local arcade, right? You can stash it there.”
“Yeah, that’s right.”
“Good. Now, Sagara, what are you wearing under that thing?”
“Fatigues and a tank top,” Sousuke responded. He sounded a bit despondent, perhaps because his “to the nines” Bonta-kun suit had been rejected.
“Geh. Still military, huh? Sagara, you are just...” Kotaro trailed off, shaking his head in disgust.
Shinji just nodded along meaningfully. “Well, I do feel like we should have seen this coming... And it does make me more sympathetic to what Chidori goes through every day...”
“Well, whatever. Let’s just start over. We’re gonna score tonight, guys. Let’s put our hearts into it! Right? What do you say?!”
“Okay,” Sousuke and Shinji responded, not sounding especially excited.
The mixer was being held in a dark, western-style pub, the kind of place where you could eat a lot on a budget. Surprisingly enough, nothing in particular went wrong during the meal.
At school, Kotaro was known as a bit of a class clown, always running his mouth. Here, though, he easily slotted into the role of the guy who went on and on about something or other until the girls called him silly and forgave him.
This was unexpected.
Shinji was frozen with nervousness at first, but this, too, proved a popular quality. Acting flustered when they fawned over how cute he was suited his character perfectly. As long as he didn’t bring up his camera obsession, they’d be none the wiser about his nerdiness.
This, too, was unexpected.
The biggest potential problem of all—Sousuke—had been warned at the start not to talk much, so much of his own nature remained under wraps. Instead, he just nodded along silently and occasionally agreed or disagreed. He’d unintentionally stumbled into the ‘strong but silent’ archetype.
This was entirely unexpected.
In other words, for a trio of useless sixteen-year-olds with no previous romantic experience, things were going pretty well!
“Hey. Excuse us a minute.” Around the time the meal was reaching its end, the girl faction left their seats.
“Hey, where are you three going? Take me with you! Mutsu-san!”
“Ha ha ha. Silly.” The three girls laughed and headed off to the powder room, looking even better from behind.
Shinji whispered, “I guess girls really do go off to the bathroom together, huh?”
“Stupid! They’re off to talk strategy. They’re gonna pool their thoughts about us—who likes who, and what they wanna do when we leave and stuff.”
“Huh? That’s kinda scary...”
“Don’t be scared. We gotta talk strategy too,” Kotaro said, pulling them both into a huddle.
Meanwhile, in the women’s powder room, the three girls were indeed talking.
“What do you think, Kaiko?”
“Hmm. I think... I like that Kazama kid. He might be fun to play with.”
“For real? That type can get weird and stalkery, though. Don’t blame me if it backfires.”
“Oh, I’ll be fine. Besides, I’m totally desperate lately.”
“Wow, awful. That’s all you talk about.”
“Hee hee hee. What about you, Mu-chan? Going home? You’ve got work tomorrow, right?”
“Oh, well... I’m not really sure. That Sagara kid has been making eyes at me here and there. So... I’m not quite sure what to do.” Mutsu Mutsumi didn’t realize that the reason he was eyeing her was because he was evaluating the likelihood that she was a dangerous terrorist.
“Ahh. He is the hottest, right? And he’s got that bad boy aura.”
“That’s why I’m so torn... When he runs his eyes over me like that, I feel my heart skip a beat...”
“Ha ha ha ha! Really? A high school kid?”
“I know, right? I’ll never live it down!”
Mutsu Mutsumi and Kaizu Kaiko laughed and joked around with each other as they fixed their makeup. What accounted for this turn of events? It seemed that, despite Kotaro’s expectations, even girls in college were still more or less children.
But the last one of them, Kujo Kumi, let out a soft sigh.
“Aw, Ku-chan. Not having fun?” Mutsumi asked her seriously.
“Huh? Oh, no, I am...”
“Ku, you need to forget that guy already. You’ll miss out if you keep stewing over him. Right? If you want Kazama, you can have him.”
“No, thanks... Ha ha ha...” But despite her response, Kujo Kumi’s expression didn’t grow any more cheerful.
Meanwhile, at the boys’ strategy meeting...
“Personally, I like Kaizu-san. She’s got that sarcastic air. But Mutsu-san is also nice. And Kujo-san too... heh heh heh. Ah, what to do?” Kotaro leered while swinging around a tankard filled with Calpis Sour.
“You just want them all. Sheesh.”
“Yeah? So who d’you want, Kazama?”
Shinji blushed at the question. “Well... I th-think I might want... Kaizu-san. She seems very magnanimous...”
“Oh, yeah? She’s yours, then! Have a blast! What about you, Sagara? Any girl you like?”
At this, Sousuke folded his arms and seemed to think very deeply. “Hmm. That one, Mutsu Mutsumi... I find her intriguing.”
“Really?!” Both boys leaned forward, fascinated by the idea of Sousuke showing romantic interest in someone other than Chidori Kaname.
“Mutsu-san, huh? For real?”
“Yes. Her Japanese intonation is perfect. And though I’ve been projecting hostility in her direction all night, she’s shown no reaction. But still, she does greatly resemble the wanted poster issued by the French authorities...”
“Oh, just that again?” Both his friends slumped over in disappointment.
“We’re back!” the three girls called as they returned.
“Hey, wanna go somewhere else?” one of them said. “Karaoke after dinner is classic, so...”
“Sounds great to me! Let’s go!” Kotaro shot up his hand before the others could say anything.
They paid their tab and were about to leave the restaurant when Kaizu Kaiko said, “Um, sorry. I think I need another drink.”
“Oh, really?” Kotaro said.
“Yeah. So would you stick with me a while... Ka-za-ma-kun?” she said coquettishly, naming Shinji out of the blue as she gave him a bewitching smile and tugged his arm towards her. Given that she also had the biggest bust of the three, she of course didn’t neglect to press it up against him.
Shinji, who had no experience whatsoever with women, was naturally flustered by this. “Um... um?! I... I really...”
“I know a place with a nice atmosphere. Don’t worry, it’s not too expensive. Okay? And maybe you can listen while I get some things off my chest...”
“Um... w-well, really? I’d be happy to, uh... lend an ear, yeah...”
“Really? Thanks so much! See you guys!”
Shinji didn’t even get a chance to protest as Kaizu Kaiko disappeared into the night, dragging his petrified body with her.
“Kazama... That bastard!” Kotaro hissed.
“Remain calm, Onodera. She’s harmless. It’s this Mutsu girl we need to keep an eye out for.”
“That’s not what I meant!” Kotaro hissed, tears filling his eyes.
They entered the karaoke parlor and spent about two hours there.
Sousuke sang the Soviet National Anthem a cappella in fluent Russian, claiming he’d been reminded of it recently. Obviously, the two girls were put off by it... To get things back on track, then, Kotaro did a great rendition of a harmless pop song. The mood returned to normal. Then Sousuke sang an Afghani folk song, which put the girls off again. Determinedly, Kotaro came in with a passionate rendering of Van Halen, and the mood returned to normal.
While it was touch and go at first, the two girls eventually seemed to start enjoying the whiplash. The alcohol probably helped matters as well.
“Ah, that was so funny!” Mutsu Mutsumi said as they left the parlor. “Sagara-kun, you’re so weird. Do you get that a lot?”
“Affirmative. Though I don’t like hearing it from someone who shot an innocent officer of the peace.”
“What?”
Sousuke glanced over at her coldly and whispered, “If it’s a performance, it’s an impressive one.”
“I don’t understand... Hey, Sagara-kun, want to take a walk through the park? I’m feeling a little tipsy. And there’s so many people around here... You know?” Mutsumi said suggestively, and took Sousuke’s arm.
Sousuke thought for a second and a half, then, “Very well. I wouldn’t want anyone else dragged into the conflict.” And with that extremely grave response, he started walking.
“H-Hey, Sagara...”
“Don’t worry, Onodera. I’m a veteran.”
“That’s not what I meant...”
“We’ll meet back up at school.”
With that, Sousuke and Mutsu left, leaving Kotaro and Kujo Kumi alone together.
“Um, s-so...” Kotaro stammered. He’d tamped down on his earlier breezy manner, perhaps out of consideration for her—during the mixer, she was the one who’d come off the most modest and aloof. “Th-They’re all gone, huh? What should we do? Head home?”
“Um, I guess...” Kumi agreed. Her hair, the longest out of the three girls, swayed as she turned. She wore a white blouse and knee-length skirt, seeming like the prim and proper type. But then, unexpected words came from her pale pink lips. “Um... Want to come by my apartment? It’s close. I have coffee.”
“Huh? Uh... you sure?”
“I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t.”
“Ah... s-sorry. I’ll come along. I love coffee. I really do.” With that, Kotaro began walking beside her in an awkward way, left arm and left leg together.
He couldn’t believe what was happening. His legs were trembling. His vision was blurry. His ears were ringing. He wasn’t quite sure where he was anymore. Even his own voice, as he talked to her, sounded like it belonged to someone else.
It was night. The sky was dark. The apartment building looked pristine in the moonlight.
They walked up the stairs. They walked down the hall. She pulled out the key, opened the door... and went inside.
Oh... ohh, wowww! Kotaro thought as he followed her in. It was an ordinary studio apartment with a loft and understated decoration. Holding a poker face, Kotaro sat down next to the bed. She brought him coffee, and he thanked her and took a sip.
“It’s just instant,” she said. “Sorry.”
“Hey, that’s fine. It tastes good. Really.”
“Oh. Thanks...” Kujo Kumi let out a short laugh, and sat down next to him. After a long silence, at last, she spoke. “So... Onodera-kun...”
“Yeah?”
“Onodera-kun... Do you have someone you like?”
“Oh, well, not right now... Though I guess I’ve felt something like that before.”
“Really? But if you thought about that person entering another man’s apartment like this... you wouldn’t like it, would you?” She sounded self-recriminating.
“What? Um, well...”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Oh, right on. Yeah... ha ha.” Kotaro laughed along, while thinking, What the heck is she talking about? Kotaro could only duck his head sheepishly as he tried to play along.
“I’ve been really depressed lately,” Kumi went on. “Then Mu-chan invited you to hang out with us... I’ve been on mixers like that a few times, but the men who come to them are always so shallow. They don’t think about anything but... that.”
“R-Right...”
“So I thought, what about younger guys?” She laughed quietly. “Silly, right?”
“Huh? Y-Yeah, silly, right?” Confused, Kotaro just decided to nod along (even though normally he’d be more sensitive about his age).
Kumi slumped over. This caused the hem of her skirt to move, revealing just a bit of the fair flesh of her thighs. The girls’ uniforms at his school showed quite a lot more leg, but for some reason, this particular sight caused his breath to quicken.
“You’re very nice, Kotaro-kun. I can call you Kotaro-kun, can’t I?”
“S-Sure. No problem.” Kotaro shot her a thumbs up.
Kumi put her hands on his shoulders and laughed softly. “You can call me Kumi, then.”
“G-Got it. K-Kumi-san...”
“My heart’s racing. I feel so strange...”
“Yeah, it’s weird...”
“Kotaro-kun... go ahead.”
Suddenly, Kotaro’s mind went blank.
Go ahead! Go ahead! Go ahead! He’d been given permission. He’d been authorized to remove all limiters on his manhood. To transform into beast mode. To take what he wanted, without holding back in any way, shape, or form!
Master arms, on. Seeker, activate. Switch engine mode from military to max. Targeting reticle and velocity vectors began to swirl around him. G-forces assaulted his lower torso. High yo-yo maneuver. Enemy in sights. Lock on target: Fox-2 (whatever that means).
“Excuse me!” Breathing heavily, Kotaro pushed Kujo Kumi down.
No one can stop me now. I’ve gone too far. Time to put myself ahead of all those idiots from school! To bound up the stairs to adulthood! Are you watching me, my guide in middle school, Kiuchi-sensei? I’m about to reach a new stage of my life. Kotaro, Kotaro is now a fully-fledged adult!
As these thoughts raced through his mind, he puckered his lips like an octopus.
It was just then that the front door flew open.
“Kumi!” came a shout. Standing in the door was a man, 180 centimeters tall and very burly. A home invader? Unlikely.
Kujo Kumi was surprised by his appearance, but she pushed Kotaro off her and called the man’s name. “R-Ryuji? What are you doing here?”
“Kumi! Forgive me! I’ve been a fool!” He didn’t even seem to notice Kotaro as he rushed into the room and began spilling his guts. “I’ve realized that I can’t live without you, so... so please, can we try again? Please? I’ve quit pachinko and horses for good! I’ll never cheat on you again either! I swear! I’m gonna go straight! So please... please... please take me back!”
Ryuji passionately spilled his heart to her, sounding like a real louse of an ex-boyfriend.
“O-Oh, honestly... It’s a little late for that, don’t you think? I mean... I mean...” Despite his entreaties, she turned away from him, sniffling. “Y-You think you can just come crawling back? You know, I...” She sniffled. “Stupid...”
“But I love you! From the bottom of my heart! I know that now!”
“R-Ryuji...”
“K-Kumi!”
What in the world? While Kotaro remained plastered against the wall in terror, the two of them charged at each other. They threw themselves into a passionate embrace, tears streaming down their faces. The spontaneous and theatrical manner of their reunion suggested they’d had quite a history together.
And then...
“By the way... who’s this guy?” The man named Ryuji whispered as he cast a glance in Kotaro’s direction. It was as if he’d only just realized he was there.
Kujo Kumi gasped. Having never been in a situation like this before, Kotaro didn’t know what to say. An awkward silence fell over the room.
Seconds later, though, Kujo Kumi turned away, her manner suddenly icy. “Well... I met him at a bar. I didn’t like him and I told him no, but he basically forced his way up into my apartment.” Her expression was regretful, yet detached.
Kotaro would never forget the look in her eyes in that moment. He just sat there, dumbstruck. “Uh?”
Meanwhile, she went on easily enough. “I mean... you know? He just wouldn’t give up. I was just about to call the police.”
“What... What in the world?” Kotaro continued standing there, slack-jawed.
Meanwhile, Kujo Kumi’s burly boyfriend stepped forward. “You got some guts, kid. Trying to make moves on my Kumi-chan...”
“But... I... None of that is—” Kotaro started backing off, trying to explain.
“Time to die.”
Pow! The man slammed his fist right into his face.
That single blow was enough to send Kotaro flying into the door. The man was amazingly strong. Kotaro was left dazed by the shock wave to his brain.
Smack! Another punch to the face. Kotaro stumbled back into the apartment hallway.
“You’re not getting off that easy!” The man pursued.
Wow... this hurts like hell. I haven’t hurt like this since the fights I got into in middle school... yeesh... Kotaro thought hazily. He was definitely stronger than your average high school student, but that didn’t mean he knew his way around a fight. And the overwhelming night he’d had already had left his brain in a fog.
The only thing he did understand was how shallow the woman was. He felt like a fool. He felt completely pathetic—and he felt another, deeper sort of sorrow, as he watched the man draw back his fist before his eyes.
The next instant...
Blam!
A gunshot rang out, and the man went flying back. He crashed into the railing outside the apartment.
Kotaro paused, and stared, trying to comprehend. “Huh?” he said, then looked up.
Sousuke was standing there, a small shotgun in his hand. For some reason, he was soaked from head to toe, his head and shoulders covered in leaves and vines.
“Sagara?”
“I’m glad to see that you’re safe. I’ve been looking for you,” Sousuke said, sounding very cool as he lowered his firearm.
After helping Kotaro up, Sousuke explained. “Mutsu Mutsumi was innocent after all. She was unconnected to the terrorist in question.”
“Like I told you, right? Sheesh...” Kotaro cursed as he squatted down in the communal hallway.
“She was angry about how I’d pressed her to confess. In penance, I agreed to do one thing she ordered me to, which was to swim across Inokashira Park’s pond while clothed. An easy task for me.”
“Aha. That explains why you’re soaked...”
“Indeed. I could have subsequently returned home, but it was then that Mutsu Mutsumi received a phone call. It was from that man there. He said he was ‘going to see Kujo.’ Mutsu told me that the man was quite a violent sort. So I went to check on you.”
“Oh, yeah? Great timing, huh... Dammit.” The explanation didn’t make Kotaro feel any better. It wasn’t exactly the kind of situation you could just laugh off.
It was then that Kazama Shinji approached them, looking unsteady on his feet.
“Kazama? What happened to you?”
“Oh... Listen. The truth is... I went to Kaizu-san’s apartment, and...” he responded listlessly.
“And... what?”
“And then Kaizu-san made a bunch of advances... With really dynamite style... And I really got right to the verge of learning all her womanly secrets. But...” Shinji let out a sigh and gazed up at the night sky.
“But?”
“That big bust of hers... It was padded.”
The others said nothing.
“And she had a huge pimple on her side. And her stomach was weirdly swollen, like she was constipated. And when I got up close, I could smell the garlic from dinner on her breath... And it just made me so sad I ran away. I mean... she’s really pretty, and a really nice person, right? But... when I saw the stubble under her arms... you know?”
It was the reality that every boy of a certain age wished he could ignore. The unfortunate reality that every woman, no matter how radiant her beauty, had flaws hiding somewhere... a reality that stopped any fantasy cold in its tracks.
It couldn’t be helped. It couldn’t be avoided. They were people, after all. And it was their duty as men not to get hung up on such details—that was part of the reality as well.
Kotaro cradled his head and cried out, pathetically, “Oh, whatever! Just shut up!”
“Yeah, let’s stop talking about it. It won’t make anybody happy. But I can’t unsee what I’ve seen...” Shinji sighed. In a way, he’d ascended past the first step of his youth that night.
“Now, Onodera. What shall we do with this man?” asked Sousuke, who had been nonchalantly attending to his own affairs. (In fact, he simply didn’t understand what they were talking about.)
He was referring to the man lying at the entrance to the apartment. Kujo Kumi was currently at his side. She looked up nervously at Kotaro from time to time, but said nothing.
Sousuke spoke proudly. “Blood could be paid with blood. We could also do something to make him regret taking you as an enemy. Feel free to use this.” He thrust out his shotgun loaded with rubber ball ammunition.
Kotaro spat some of the blood out of his mouth and took the gun from him. A tremble ran through Kujo Kumi’s shoulders. The girl he’d been getting close with just minutes ago...
But still... I dunno. To be frank, he just felt sad. No matter what a scumbag this “Ryuji” might be, he was the guy she’d chosen. They’d probably been through a lot in life. He couldn’t compete with that. Even if she had turned on him pretty damned fast... It was tragic, but she now saw him as nothing but an intruder on her happiness.
Which meant he didn’t really have a choice. He grabbed the man by the lapels, pressed the shotgun’s muzzle to his chin, and said, “Hey, big guy.”
“Muh... Wha?” the man said dazedly.
“I’m gonna tell you something you better not forget. Never betray that woman again. If you ever do, we, the three Jindai brothers, will show up, and put an electric drill up your ass until you beg for mercy. Got it?”
“Y-Yeah. I got it...”
“With respect.”
“I understand, sir. Yes, sir!”
“Good.”
Kujo Kumi watched Kotaro with mild surprise on her face. “K-Kotaro-kun?”
“Hah. Kotaro-kun, huh? Don’t act like you know me.” With that sour reprimand, he handed the shotgun back to Sousuke.
“Please, forgive me. It was the only thing I could—”
“Shut up, ugly!” Kotaro suddenly shouted.
“I...”
“I hate you. Never talk to me again. I hope you die!” He spat out those words, then strode away from the apartment. Sousuke and Shinji followed behind.
“Ono-D...” Shinji said.
“What?”
“You were pretty darned cool back there. You had this smoldering feeling... It was nice.”
“More like the sadness of a loser.”
“Yeah, that kind of thing.”
“Shut up! All of you, shut up!” Onodera Kotaro snapped, partly in tears.
Sousuke, Kotaro, and Shinji were on the way home from the unfortunate mixer, shoulders uniformly slumped.
“It was a disaster in the end.”
“Yeah.”
“I guess age doesn’t matter as much as I thought.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“I wonder what Chidori-san and the others would say if they knew what we were doing.”
“Probably laugh and make fun of us.”
Inokashira Station at night was packed with students drunk from their various parties. The three boys cut through the crowd and arrived at the end of the second platform. And there...
“Hey, they really were here!”
“Hey, you’re right! Onodera-kun!”
Familiar voices rang out behind them. They turned around and saw Chidori Kaname and Tokiwa Kyoko standing there in their street clothes.
“H-Hey... what are you doing here?” Kotaro asked.
Kaname scratched at her head. “Well... Sousuke said something weird about you guys going to a mix-up or something... We got worried, so we came to keep an eye on you.”
“What she said. We thought that if Sagara-kun made some trouble, we’d be able to tell where you were immediately. But you guys kept way quieter than I expected, you know?”
“Though we are glad that nothing went wrong. You guys can do pretty stupid things sometimes, you know? So we got really worried,” Kyoko laughed.
The three boys stared in disbelief as Kaname and Kyoko stood there beaming at them. Their smiles were so radiant, they could compete with the goddesses seen in picture books.
Feeling the corners of his eyes start to burn, Kotaro whispered, “Sorry.”
“Huh?”
Kotaro fell to his knees, tears pouring out of his eyes. “I’m sorry! I’ve been a fool!”
“What?”
“I was totally wrong. I’ll never stray from the path again. I’ll never cheat again! I won’t say any more stupid things about maturity! So please... please, don’t abandon me!”
As tears fountained from his eyes, Kotaro clung to Kyoko, the closer of the two girls.
“Hey... Ono-D? What’s going on?”
“Tokiwa! You’re a million times better! I’m sorry about today! Forgive me!” Kotaro wailed, crying on her.
Kyoko turned red and flustered.
Kaname whispered, slightly unsettled, “What happened to him?” she asked suspiciously.
“Many things. Many things indeed,” Sousuke said profoundly as he watched her. “Mature women are truly formidable.”
〈The Self-Serving Blues — The End〉
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