Full Metal Panic! - Volume SS07 - Untenable Seventh Heaven Feeling? - Chapter 5

The Midnight Raiders

The police had established the cordon in record time. Their officers darted through the streets, calling to each other through their radios. Their patrol cars wailed along the roads.

Maybe we shouldn’t have stolen those jewels after all, the man thought despairingly. Breaking into the mansion, tying up the residents, cracking the safe and stealing the jewelry inside... that had all gone well enough, but now it was all crashing down before his eyes. He and his partner had split up to run away, but he’d been the one the police ended up following.

He was running through the dark, quiet streets of the residential neighborhood, panicked and sweating. He turned corner after corner before arriving at a fence, leaping onto it and clambering his way over. Beyond the fence, he found a school. In the darkness, he could vaguely make out the shape of unoccupied buildings.

Panting and heaving, the man ran along the athletic field, trying to get through the school grounds. But beyond the fence he was making a run for, he could already see the flashing lights of a patrol car. He came to a stop.

“Erk!” He was trapped. Behind him, he could already hear the crunch-crunch of footsteps on fallen leaves and the shouting voices of police officers.

This isn’t fair! I’m gonna get arrested before I even get a good look at the jewels I stole! They coulda kept me in the lap of luxury for years, but now— Wait, he realized, of course! With no time to waste, he crouched down and began to dig in the ground with his cheap knife. Once he’d dug a hole deep enough, he pulled out a metal canister roughly the size of a soda can.

See you again in a few years. Without even time to bid proper farewell to the jewels within, the man buried the can in the ground, then concealed the upturned earth under fallen leaves. After chucking the knife away too, he began running back in the direction he’d come.

As he cut across the athletic field again, he heard somebody shout, “There he is!” Ignoring the voice, he ran into the school building... where he’d find himself arrested three minutes later.

He would end up insisting to the prosecutor, the police, and the judge that his escaped partner had all the jewels—and miraculously, they would believe him. He would go on to spend his time in the penitentiary acting as a model prisoner, although every minute there would feel like an eternity...

Until at last, the day of his release arrived.

●

“Ah, now, that was a rough night,” Onuki Zenji whispered as he poked his chopsticks into the pot sitting atop the kotatsu. He was in his mid-50s and had a suntanned face, thinning hair, and unfashionable glasses. He’d been the live-in custodian at Jindai High School for twenty-five years and knew the comings and goings of the school during that period better than anybody.

Onuki took a swig of hot sake and continued. “The police poured into the school. The culprit had already been arrested in the earth science room, but... with all their investigations and such going on, I didn’t catch a wink of sleep.”

“Oh? I had no idea.” Sitting across from him was Chidori Kaname, also poking at the pot. She was currently wearing her Jindai High School uniform with a striped hanten coat overtop.

“Hmm. Sounds like a lot of commotion over one minor hooligan,” Tsubaki Issei said distastefully as he snagged some enoki mushrooms from the earthenware pot with his chopsticks. He was a short, pale young man, with drawn-back hair and a bandanna wrapped around his head. He cast a glance at Sagara Sousuke, who was sitting opposite him. “Personally, I’ve always wondered why the police never swarmed the school to deal with a certain malicious fool currently in attendance.”

“Yes, that’s true,” Sousuke said airily, enjoying his meal.

Onuki, Kaname, Issei, Sousuke—the four of them were presently sitting around a kotatsu in the custodian’s room at night, enjoying kimchi hot pot. The bright red kimchi sauce bubbled away with just the right level of viscosity. The bok choy and boiled tofu inside released a delicious looking steam.

After savoring a piece of piping hot tofu, Issei went on. “He deserves to be locked away more than some petty little burglar. It would be a far greater service to the world at large.”

“Yes, perhaps.” Sousuke blew on a piece of pork swimming in kimchi sauce as he brought it to his mouth.

“Sagara. You know I’m talking about you, don’t you?”

“Yes, I see.”

“Are you making fun of me?”

“Ah,” Sousuke sighed happily, “delicious.”

“Sagara!” Issei barked at him.

It was here that Sousuke looked up, as if noticing his presence for the first time. “I’m sorry. What was that about long onions?”

“Nobody was talking about long onions! Where did that even come from?!”

“Hmm...” Sousuke thought a minute, but found his focus drifting back to the pot before he could produce an answer.

“Th-That insufferable man...” Issei trembled in frustration at being ignored.

Kaname patted him on the shoulder, laughing. “Come on, just chill out and eat,” she told him. “Onuki-san, fish out the tofu already; it should be just about perfect now. Issei-kun, don’t put the shirataki there. I’ll do it, so— Hey, Sousuke! Have you been eating nothing but meat?! You need to eat a balanced meal!” Kaname was a true hot pot facilitator. Picking up the package the pork had come in, she shouted, “Look, we’re out of meat already! How did that happen? I’ve only had two slices!”

“It’s not an issue,” Sousuke said, chewing.

“I thought you were a Muslim! Isn’t eating pork forbidden?”

Sousuke’s chopsticks stopped immediately. “This is pork?”

“Of course it is!”

“I see...” Sousuke thought for a minute, then stabbed his chopsticks back into the pot, and silently gobbled up the last bit of pork.

“Hey!” Kaname and Issei shouted together.

Sousuke was Muslim, but he wasn’t a particularly observant one—just as most Japanese people, though technically Buddhist, still ate meat and drank alcohol. Despite there being regions that were far more strict, many Muslims in the world also practiced in the same manner. Japanese media tended to focus on the religious leaders issuing orders for assassinations, fundamentalist bombings, and other acts of extremism. But at its heart, Islam was a peaceful and generous religion. The reason for conflict in the Middle East wasn’t religion, but poverty.

Now, back to the subject at hand...

Kaname and Issei were very annoyed to see the last piece of meat being stolen away from them.

“Wh-What’s wrong with you? Don’t you have any shame? Any shame in any single regard?!”

“I only ate three pieces myself! You ate the rest?!”

“Wait a minute,” said Sousuke, speaking with a vaguely satisfied expression on his face. “Last night, I spoke on the phone to a German mercenary who’d grown up in Japan. I asked him about the custom of hotpot. He told me that it’s a battlefield.”

“And?”

“On a battlefield, it’s eat or be eaten,” he explained. “Take this as a learning experience, and at our next battle—”

“You won’t live to the next battle!” they both responded. Kaname started things off with a smack to Sousuke’s face, followed by a rain of stomps from Issei. To finish it off, they both lifted him up and suplexed him towards the kitchen.

“Eat or be eaten, my ass!” Kaname snarled.

“If this was Shoten, we’d be confiscating all your cushions!” Issei told him.

Sousuke was just lying there limply, but the two ran after him, intending to dish out even more punishment.

But Onuki interrupted to shout, “Hey, you two! Knock it off! You almost knocked over the pot! Darn it... we can always buy more meat! I’ll even pay for it!”

Kaname’s fist stopped midair. “Really?”

“The supermarket on the shopping street should still be open. Send Sagara-kun to buy some.” Radiating a maturity befitting his age, Onuki opened his wallet and held out two thousand-yen bills.

“Oh, thank you!” Kaname gushed. “Onuki-san, you’re wonderful!”

“Eh... Right. I just don’t approve of violence, that’s all.”

“Yes, understood!” She grinned and turned to look at the glassy-eyed Sousuke. “Hmph. You’re off the hook... this time,” she said distastefully, while Issei just let out a wad of venomous spit.

Normally, a protagonist wouldn’t be subject to this level of aggression. Let this be a lesson of the danger hotpot poses to interpersonal relationships (I mean it).

“Sheesh. Wasting my time...” Kaname grumbled as she put her shoes on at the entrance.

Issei saw what she was doing and asked, “You’re not going to make Sagara buy it?”

“No way. Sousuke is awful at shopping.”

“I see. I’ll accompany you, then. It’s dangerous for a woman alone at night.”

“Oh, don’t. I’ll be fine—the shopping street is right there,” Kaname pointed out. “I’d rather have you managing the hotpot. See you.”

Kaname picked out the best pack of shabu shabu pork you could expect to find at a shopping street supermarket, then headed back to the school. She looked up at the night sky and the stars above her as she walked. The air was cool, and her breath came out in white puffs as she passed through the front gate. She was heading for the custodian’s room, on the outside of the school building, when she suddenly caught sight of a faint light.

It was far away, on the other side of the athletic field—the woods south of the grounds. Deep among the dark trees, she could see a small, swaying light. Is somebody there? she wondered. It could be one of their students, up to some shady business in the middle of the night. If they were smoking and started a fire, it could be real trouble.

Thus, Kaname cut across the grounds, heading for the source of the light. Just as she entered the trees, though, it suddenly went out. She tried searching around for it, but just then...

“Don’t move!” Someone leaped out of the darkness behind her and grabbed her.

“Fmmph!”

“Don’t scream, you hear me? Be a good girl and we won’t hurt you. We’ll let you go soon. Okay?”

She could tell from the voice that she wasn’t dealing with a student.

Another human figure stepped out from behind a tree in front of her. “Do what Bro says,” he advised her. “We’re just gonna do what we came here for, then leave. So keep quiet.”

“Um... Okay, I will,” Kaname agreed meekly.

The other man relaxed his grip. “Oh? Thanks a bunch, little girl—”

“Eek! Groper! Pervert! Invader! Enemy! Enemy! E— mmmgh!”

The men quickly worked together to clamp a hand back over Kaname’s mouth.

“Mmgh... fmmfh!” Kaname struggled, pounding the men all over with fists and elbows.

“Ow! She broke my nose!” The first man wailed.

“What’s with this kid?” the other man asked exasperatedly. “I told her to stay quiet!”

“Bro, I brought duct tape in case this happened. Let’s tie her up so she can’t do squat.”

“Great thinking, Johnny. We’ll start with the wrists... hey, hold still!”

“Mmmph! Hffmmmf!”

“This girl smells like kimchi, man.” Turning their faces away from the struggling Kaname, the men began wrapping her in duct tape.

“She’s late,” said Sousuke, looking down at his wristwatch.

“You want the pork that badly, eh? Fair warning—I won’t let you have one bite of it,” Issei promised him.

“Surely I’ll have at least one.”

“Shut up! You can sit there and chew on the bok choy heart.”

Sousuke fell silent.

Issei, seemingly motivated by some strange sense of duty, added water to the hot pot and whispered, “I’ve been wondering, anyway... Why were you invited to this?”

“I could ask you the same question,” Sousuke pointed out.

“If I’d known you were coming, I’d have turned Chidori’s invitation down.”

“As would I.”

“Sagara, you know what your problem is? You’re too willing to accept charity from Chidori,” Issei told him, “You should learn your place already.”

“You’re the one lacking in humility,” Sousuke replied. “You’re like a starving beggar, asking Chidori for scraps.”

“Oops. My hand slipped.” Issei tossed a bundle of bok choy into the clay pot, causing kimchi juice to splatter onto Sousuke’s face.

Sousuke regarded him evenly for a moment, then said, “There’s still a lot of shiitake,” and threw some shiitake mushrooms into the pot. It was now Issei who was splattered with bright red juice.

“Oh, slipped again,” Issei said, this time throwing the enoki directly into Sousuke’s face.

“Eat these, too. Don’t hold back on my account.” Sousuke hit him with a bundle of shirataki.

“Eat up! How about some udon?”

“Do you enjoy long onions?”

“Lots of tofu, too!”

Ingredients soared back and forth across the pot. Soon, the two were rising from their seats, and...

“Stop wasting food!” Onuki, who’d been silently watching and trembling, suddenly shouted. The two men stopped in place. “You two are always at each other’s throats. But I won’t stand for this wastefulness! Clean it up at once! Wash what you can in the kitchen!”

The two of them fell silent and obediently did as they were told. They knew all too well what they’d be facing if Onuki really lost his temper.

“I’m also worried about how long Chidori-kun’s been gone,” Onuki admitted. “Tsubaki-kun, go look for her.”

“Okay, on my way.”

“Onuki-san, I could do it my—” Sousuke started.

But Onuki waved him off. “No, Sagara-kun, you stay here and clean up.”

“But—”

“No! Do as you’re told!” Onuki said firmly.

Issei laughed smugly and left the custodian’s room.

The thieves wandered around the forest with shovels in hand, digging here and there. As far as Kaname could see, it was just the two of them: one was a rather large but comparatively timid man called “Bro;” the other was a small but domineering man called “Johnny.” Neither seemed a particularly cautious type, freely talking about what they were doing and why right in front of the bound-and-gagged Kaname.

“Bro. You sure you buried the jewels at this school?”

“I’m sure! Well, I think I’m sure... It was three years ago, and I didn’t exactly have a lot of time to think with the cops on my heels...”

“There’s a lot of schools in this area, man. Girls’ colleges and junior colleges, too. Maybe we should ask kimchi girl here if there’s any other place like this in this area,” Johnny suggested.

“Fmmu! Fmmu fumu, mumufumu?!” Who are you calling kimchi girl?! was what she was trying to say, but the duct tape wrapped around her face made Kaname sound more like Bonta-kun.

“Nah, can’t afford to have her screaming again,” Bro decided. “We’ll keep searching the old-fashioned way.”

“Let’s give it a rest. I’m getting stiff, and besides, I’ve got work tomorrow. Gotta make the tonkotsu soup.”

“Shut up. And how come it so happens that you got away that night, while I spent three years behind bars in Abashiri?” Bro asked pointedly. “And then, while I was gone, you used the jewels you ran away with to buy a new identity and open up a ramen shop!”

“I sure did,” Johnny boasted. “It was even featured in Tokyo Walker. We do great business.”

“And on top of that, you got a wife and even a kid. You’re riding high, eh?”

“Yeah, real high. That’s why I’m letting you have the other jewels.”

“Damn straight you are,” Bro snarled. “Now, help me out! We could get 50 million selling those on the black market!”

Fifty million?! Even Kaname was stunned to hear this. They buried jewels worth that much at this school?!

Just then, a new voice interrupted. “I see. That explains everything.”

The men turned around to find that a short young man had appeared from behind a tree. The light was behind him, so his face couldn’t be seen, but...

“Mummum fmm!” Issei-kun! Kaname shouted, her voice still muffled.

“Don’t worry, Chidori. I’ll rescue you soon. Now, you louts... surrender peacefully and I won’t hurt you. But if you resist...” Issei lowered his hips and took a stance. “I’ll give you a taste of the secrets of my Daidomyaku Style.” Fighting spirit wafted from his outstretched fist.

“Bro. This guy looks tough.”

“Dammit. If it’s not one thing... Hey, kid! Get lost!” Bro held up his shovel and charged at Issei.

Issei let out a quick exhale. The shovel swung down, but hit nothing but air until it planted itself in the ground. The next instant—or perhaps even sooner—Issei had plunged a vicious palm strike into the man.

Wha-bam! It made a sound like the earth cracking, and the man flew back until he hit a tree. “Blugh!”

“Secret technique, Gatling Palm! It’s too good for scum like you, really... Be grateful.” Indeed, Issei was tough as hell. There were few who could best him in a fight. “Now, you. Are you ready?”

“Heck no!” Johnny said, moving to hold Kaname like a hostage. “Sorry, but I owe Bro here a whole lot... I won’t let you get in his way!”

“Damn you...” Issei cursed.

“Don’t move, man! Come any closer and I’ll grope her boob! I’ll do all kinds of X-rated stuff! Even if it’s just for a second, that’s lasting trauma... How are you gonna make that up to her, huh? Psychological issues can get pretty thorny, see?!”

Kaname screamed. “Fumuuuughn!” she wailed.

Issei flushed bright red. “D-D-Don’t be a fool! You think I’ll fall for such an empty threat?! Release her now or die! That’s not a bluff! I will kill you!”

But Johnny was too clever for that. “Heh heh heh... But you can’t move now, can you, kid? So young and delicate, so unwilling to tolerate gutter eroticism. You can’t protect the peace of your school like that, can you?”

“D-Dammit...”

“Meanwhile, I’ve got a wife and a kid. I didn’t wanna do this, but I’ll do it—for my grand purpose, and for Bro. Now, pick up the duct tape over there and wrap yourself up in it!”

“I refuse!” Issei said, fists trembling.

“Oh? Then you’re gonna watch as I let the girl have it?” Johnny flexed the fingers on both of his hands.

“Geh... Chidori, I’m sorry. Just one instant... Bear it for one instant! When that instant is over, I will send that man to hell!” Issei promised.

“Mm?! Mughuhh, mumgh!!!” Kaname was focused on the area behind Issei, shouting some kind of warning.

But Issei remained with his eyes pointing downward, whispering melancholically. “I understand. After it’s done... I’ll commit hara-kiri.”

“Mmummfum! Mm! Mm! Mm!”

“Please... Please don’t accuse me like that,” Issei begged. “I feel just as bad about—”

Clunk! Bro, who’d regained consciousness at some point, had snuck up behind Issei and whacked him on the head with the shovel.

“Urk... mmgh.” Issei toppled over.

Shoulders heaving, Bro picked up the duct tape lying nearby. “Sheesh, what a tough little brat...”

“He made a good showing, but couldn’t seal the deal,” Johnny agreed. “I bet that gets the best of him most of the time.”

Kaname couldn’t say so, but she had to agree.

“Let’s tie him up quick,” Bro suggested. “Whew, that hurt... Almost thought I was dead back there.”

“You’ve always been tough, Bro. You might not always win, but you definitely never lose.”

“Shut up. Anyway, these two are taking up a lot of space, and I bet they’ll be annoying. Let’s throw ’em in there.” Bro pointed to a shed standing at the edge of the woods.

“They’ve been gone a while,” Sousuke said, looking at his wristwatch once more. He didn’t much care about Issei, but was concerned about Kaname’s absence. He was also concerned about the whereabouts of the meat she was supposed to bring back.

“Hmm? Ah, wonder if they got into talking about something. The concerns of love and life... Ah, youth. Those were the days...” Onuki was pleasantly drunk on hot sake by now. They’d shut off the burner beneath the pot.

Sousuke tried calling Kaname’s PHS with his cell phone, but her cheerful ringtone played from her nearby bag. The transmitter he had her walk around with for certain reasons was currently in the room as well—also in the bag. “I told her to carry it wherever she went...” he grumbled.

“Hmm? What was that?”

“Nothing. I’m going to look for her myself.” Sousuke stood up.

“Ah, buy me some booze while you’re out. The cheap stuff is fine. I’m counting on you, Sagara-kun! You may have your issues, but if you’re to be my successor someday...”

Abandoning Onuki, who seemed to be rambling in his own little world, Sousuke left the room. He walked around the shopping street, but saw no sign of Kaname. He asked a takoyaki seller with whom he was acquainted, and learned that she’d been spotted heading for the school with a shopping bag about an hour ago.

As Sousuke was searching around the grounds, he noticed a suspicious sight in the woods around the south side. He could see a man digging around in the darkness, muttering to himself. Two men, in fact—both unarmed. Their guard was down. They must have been amateurs.

Sousuke silently mounted the fence and ran through the forest like a shadow as he approached. Then he fixed his pistol on them and demanded, “Don’t move.”

“Eh?!” The men jumped in surprise, then turned in Sousuke’s direction.

“There’s a gun trained on you,” he warned them. “Don’t try to escape or resist.”

“H-Huh? What kind of nonsense is—”

Blam! A shot hit the ground at their feet, causing them to jump again.

“The next one won’t miss. Now turn around,” Sousuke instructed, “lay the shovels on the ground and put your hands up. Then kneel down and cross your legs.”

The men couldn’t help but do as they were told.

That was easy... I can’t help but be impressed, Kaname thought as she stared, eyes wide, out the barred window of the shed into which she’d been thrown. She was still bound and gagged. Nevertheless, she’d managed to heft herself up against the wall to peer out the small window.

Sousuke seemed to be interrogating the men, but she couldn’t make out much from here. One way or another, they’ll have to tell him what they’re after soon enough. Then he’ll know we’re trapped in here. Boy, I guess this all worked out after all...

“You’re looking for something?” Sousuke asked, furrowing his brow.

“Yeah. We’re alumni—we’re looking for a precious memento we buried here on the day we graduated,” the smaller man said.

“Yeah, yeah! We’re alumni!” the larger man agreed.

Sousuke regarded them skeptically. “In what year did you graduate?”

“Uh... 1992.”

“Hmm. The student council president in 1992 was Kazama Shinji, wasn’t he? Tell me a few things about his platform and the policies of the student council in those days,” Sousuke instructed.

“What? Well, uh—”

“A student from that time should know these things.”

Pushed to the brink and looking desperate, the larger man shouted, “H-How should we know that?”

“Bro, this ain’t good...” Johnny muttered.

“Shut up! I never heard of no Kazama! I don’t know about any damn student council either, dammit!” Bro yelled.

At this, Sousuke heaved a sigh, relaxed, and lowered his gun. “You passed, Senpai.”

“Uh?”

“As you know, from 1991 through 1994, our student council was shut down due to pressure from the school. This was described in the historical records compiled by our current student council president, Hayashimizu Atsunobu’s, as ‘Jindai High’s Great Interregnum.’ In other words, there was no student council president named Kazama Shinji in those years,” Sousuke concluded.

The men stared at him blankly. “I... I see...”

“If you had pretended to know about this nonexistent president, I would have known that you were up to no good and shot you right here. Please forgive my rudeness—I tested you to ensure the safety of my mother school.”

“What? Wait, I—”

“Hey, so you learned your lesson. Good boy,” said the smaller man immediately.

“I thank you. Now, what are you looking for at this late hour? If you tell me, I can mobilize the students into searching for it tomorrow.”

“No, don’t!” said the large man immediately.

Sousuke frowned in confusion. “Why not?”

“Well... because—”

“The canister we’re looking for is full of embarrassing pictures of your senpai here! It’s of him, buck naked at the culture festival except for a bow tie, dancing the lambada with another naked guy,” Bro confided. “He’s got a wife and kids now, so he feels embarrassed about his younger days. He asked me, the one friend he could trust, to sneak out here to retrieve the photos.”

Hearing this, Sousuke nodded deeply. “I’m unfamiliar with the dance known as the lambada, but everybody has things in their past they wish to hide. I completely sympathize, Senpai.”

“Uh-huh... Sure. Thanks.”

“I would like to help you both, but unfortunately, I am searching for the missing student council vice president, who—” Just then, Sousuke’s cell phone rang. “Just a moment. Hello?”

“Sagara-kun! Where’s that booze?”

“Onuki-san. I don’t have time to look for that right now. Besides, alcohol destroys brain cells. If you wish to have a long career as a custodian—”

“Don’t you talk back! Hic... Just buy me the booze! Chidori-kun’s furious with you! I know what happens when you make her mad!”

“Chidori is there? With you?”

“What? Oh... yeah, she is! She just made it back! So, you’d better buy that booze! Got it?” said Onuki. Then the call cut off.

Sousuke waited a while, gazing at his cell phone, then seemed to snap out of his daze. “It appears that the issue has resolved itself. I can now aid you.”

Kaname, watching from the warehouse window, began screaming in tones halfway between furious and hopeless. What?! That idiot! She was hoping he would tie up the thieves, interrogate them, and run to save her... but of all things, he was actually helping them dig their damned holes!

“Hmmgh! Fummgh, mmgh!” Issei, who also had his arms and legs bound, seemed to also have seen them working together out the window, and was infuriated by the sight. Excessively so, in fact. “Mmgh... mmmmmmgh...” Issei began rubbing his face up and down against the bars covered in red rust. It seemed like a motion likely to cause injury, but he kept at it until he forced off the duct tape that served as his gag. “Mmgh... Bwah. That idiot Sagara is working with those men!” he said, furiously.

“Fmmgh?”

“Yes! If the talk of the 50 million yen jewels is true, it would be easy to buy off a jerk like him!”

I’m pretty sure that’s not what happened, Kaname wanted to attest, but the only things out of her mouth were inarticulate barks.

“Chidori. I know you don’t want to believe it, but think!” Issei implored. “He already stole all of our pork!”

“Fmmgh...”

“He’s going to pay for this. If there’s one person my fists must punish, it’s him! Yes, this time, for sure...!” A violent aura wafted off of Issei’s body. Fighting spirit welled out of him—the power of rage. He was calling up the true strength that dwelt deep inside him... Or something like that. “Grrrrrah... Hah!” His passionate shout of release was accompanied by the sound of something snapping.

“Mgh?!” Kaname watched as the duct tape that had bound him broke into pieces. Had he invoked some secret power to break out of his bonds?

“I... I did it, Dad. The ultimate secret technique of Daidomyaku Style, Inner Snap Flash!” Issei whispered, weakly going down on one knee.

That’s a very handy secret technique to have, I guess... she thought.

“Wait here, Chidori. I’m going to slaughter Sagara and those men!” Issei promised.

“Mmgh! Fummgh, fummgh!”

Perhaps his use of the technique had expended a great deal of his stamina, because Issei stumbled a bit as he headed for the door. Apparently he hadn’t even considered the idea of freeing Kaname before he left.

“We’re not gonna find it,” Johnny grumbled.

“Come on, don’t slack off,” Bro urged him. “Keep digging!”

Bro, Johnny, and Sousuke were digging all around the forest.

A young tree about the height of a person was growing in the most likely spot, so they worked together to dig it up at the roots, then pulled it out of the ground.

“Sheesh, stupid tree... Pretty sure this wasn’t here when I buried it...”

“Bro, it’s not here either.”

“Dammit!” Bro gave a kick to the uprooted young tree.

“Senpai. What does the item you buried look like?” Sousuke asked.

“What? Oh, well... it was a dark-colored cylinder about this size.” He indicated the dimensions of a soft drink can with his fingers.

“I see...”

“Hey, bro!” Johnny shouted, digging at a patch of ground some ways away. He picked the mud off the item he’d pulled up, revealing it to be a dark metal cylinder. “Right here! I found a can! Is this it?” He held it up in triumph.

“What?! Great work!” Bro reached for the dirty can. But then...

“Oh, that’s—” Sousuke immediately snatched the can away.

“Hey, what’re you doing?! That’s mine!”

“No, this is—”

“Are you betraying your senpai? Give it back!” The angry men tried to grab Sousuke, but he slipped out of their grasp. “D-Damn you!”

“Wait just a minute. This is—”

It was just then that a commotion rang out from the shed on the outskirts of the forest. The door, which had previously been firmly locked, blew out from within.

“Eh?”

Stepping over the fallen metal door, a figure rushed out at them with the force of a gale. It was Tsubaki Issei. “Sagara!” he howled. “You bastard!”

The two self-styled alumni turned pale.

“H-How did he...?!”

“This seems pretty bad... I think he’s powered up, even!”

“Graaaah! Prepare to die!” Issei rushed at them, leaped, and unleashed a powerful kick—at Sousuke, for some reason.

“Eh?” Sousuke dodged the kick by the skin of his teeth.

Issei kicked up a plume of dirt as he landed, then charged Sousuke again.

“What are you doing, Tsubaki?” Sousuke asked.

“Shut up! You shameless man, siding with thieves!”

“What thieves?”

“It wasn’t enough to eat all the pork, now you have to have the treasure to yourself?! Your greed knows no bounds!” Issei said accusingly.

“Treasure? I don’t understand that part, but I do understand your disappointment about the pork,” Sousuke said sympathetically. “I, too, have faced starvation—”

“Shut up! I’ll throw you into the pot next!”

The brawl continued, as did their roundabout argument. Sousuke wove through the machine-gun-like flurry of punches, then countered with a roundhouse kick. Issei dodged that and struck back with a full-power palm strike. The fact that he was actively dishing out blows suggested that Sousuke wouldn’t have much luck talking Issei down.

The two outsiders watched them fight in total shock.

“This is bad, Bro,” said Johnny. “We’ve gotta get those jewels...”

“Y-Yeah. Dammit, it’s too dangerous to even get close. Who are these guys?!”

“It’s simultaneously awe-inspiring and cringe-inducing.”

Then a new voice sounded out. “Hey! What are you doing there?!”

The whole group turned to see the custodian, Onuki, standing nearby.

“Onuki-san,” Issei panted. “Perfect timing. This bastard, Sagara—”

“Shut up!” Onuki snapped. “I thought it was strange you’d been gone so long, and here’s what I catch you doing? You’ve snapped me sober, dammit! What will the neighbors think?!”

“Onuki-san, Tsubaki is the one in the wrong,” said Sousuke, attempting to plead his case. “He came out of nowhere—”

“You shut up too! And where’s Chidori-kun? She’s the one who arranged that hotpot party to try to help you get along— ahh?!” Onuki suddenly broke off mid-lecture.

The whole group stopped what they were doing and looked at him.

Onuki’s gaze had fallen on the small name tag on the tree that they had uprooted earlier. “Th-That tree...”

“What about that crummy-looking tree?” the four asked him in unison.

“You people... That tree was...”

“That tree was...?” they prompted in unison again.

“A cherry tree sent by the governor of Tokyo and planted here in a grand ceremony two years ago,” Onuki finished. “I’ve worked day and night caring for her ever since...”

“I see...” they all said.

“I thought she’d eventually grow tall enough to reach heaven, with the most beautiful flower petals you’d ever seen... I named her Grace, after that famous American actress.”

“Ahh...” they all said.

“Do you understand? Do you see what I’m saying? All right. Wait here a few minutes.” Onuki turned his back on the four of them and quietly began walking to the shed.

“Mgh... hmmgh, fumummgh!” The bound and gagged Kaname had just crawled her way to the collapsed door when Onuki came in. “Hmmgh?! Hmm! Fummumgh!”

Ignoring her cries, Onuki rooted around in the back of the shed and produced a large chainsaw.

“Hmmgh?!”

Onuki didn’t seem to see Kaname at all. His eyes blazed brightly in the darkness around him. “I must avenge my Grace.”

“Hmm... mmgh! Mnngh!”

Vrooooom! Rumm, rumm, rumm... The chainsaw’s engine revved up.

“Hmmgh, hmmgh!”

“Kill them all,” Onuki whispered before charging out of the shed like a demon from hell.

Soon after, Kaname could hear terrible screams and commotion from the direction the men had been standing.

“I thought I was really dead that time...” the battered Sousuke and Issei said together, resting against the wall of the gym.

Using a grenade launcher, a .50 caliber rifle, and anti-personnel mines, Sousuke had coordinated artistically with Issei’s super-ultimate secret technique, Heart-Cutter, to finally put Onuki Zenji down. It had been a truly intense battle which they’d survived only by the skin of their teeth.

“The school staff here are made of sterner stuff,” Sousuke mused. “In another life, he might have been history’s strongest mercenary...”

“Seriously,” said Issei, “we should seal him in concrete and drop him 20,000 meters under the sea.”

“Agreed. Though I wonder if that would really stop him...”

“Heh. Good point,” Issei said with an ironic laugh.

Sousuke snorted in agreement.

They’d survived a powerful enemy by working together. The feeling between them was like rivals at the end of a buddy movie.

“Hey! What are you two looking so satisfied about?!” After great effort, Kaname had finally broken out of her own bonds, and now ran up to them, shouting. “While you three were fighting, the thieves got away!”

Issei snapped back to reality. “Ah... dammit. They even made off with the can of jewels that Sagara was carrying.”

Sousuke, for his part, just looked confused. “Can?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. The one you dug up with them.”

“Oh, that? Our senpais took that with them? That’s not good...” said Sousuke.

“It’s way more than ‘not good’! What were you even thinking?!”

“I have to find them and tell them at once.”

“Tell them? About what?” Kaname asked.

“What they took wasn’t a can,” Sousuke confessed. “It looked like a can, but it was actually a special anti-personnel mine.”

“A m-mine?!”

“I buried them as a security measure the night before the culture festival. You yelled at me to remove them, and I thought that I had... but it seems there’s one I failed to recover. But just as I was trying to explain that to them, Tsubaki interrupted and—”

Bwoooooooom! An explosion rang out in the distance. There was a roar, like a crack of thunder, followed once more by silence.

After a few minutes of sitting in the quiet, Sousuke closed his eyes. “It appears it’s too late.”

Whap! A fan appeared out of nowhere and slapped down hard on Sousuke’s head.

“That hurt.”

“Oh, shut up!” Kaname shouted, then let out a little sigh. “Well, I guess they got what they deserve. They probably just made up the 50 million yen jewels, too. Anyway, let’s get back to the custodian’s room. Onuki-san will catch cold if we leave him lying here for long.”

Working together, they carried Onuki (who was lying on the ground restored to normal mode) back to the custodian’s room.

In a corner of a park several hundred meters away from Jindai High, Bro and Johnny lay on the ground, covered in char.

“Mgh... Why’d my jewels blow up?” Bro asked blearily. “And what’s with that school, anyway?”

“It hurts so much,” Johnny moaned. “Think my nose is bleeding.”

“Tell me. Someone, please, tell me!”

“I gotta get back and make the tonkotsu soup...”

“Someone just tell me...” Bro sat there, weeping, as Johnny walked unsteadily home.

●

Several weeks later, Hayashimizu Atsunobu, student council president, was taking a walk after class in the woods when he spotted a translucent rock covered in mud. It had been reflecting the light from inside an eroded can sticking out of the ground.

Hmm? This doesn’t look like a fertilizer pellet... he thought, wiping it off with his fingers. With the dirt removed, it sparkled more beautifully than he’d expected.

“Senpai? What is it?” Mikihara Ren, who just happened to be walking the same way, asked him as she came up to him.

“Well, I found this.”

“My... what a beautiful piece of glass,” she said.

Hayashimizu thought for a minute, then said, “Mikihara-kun. Would you like it?”

“What? Oh... yes, please. I’d love it. I’ll treasure it.”

Taking the dirty gray rock, Ren smiled dazzlingly.

〈The Midnight Raiders — The End〉