Grimgal of Ashes and Illusion - Volume 14.1 - Chapter 1.2

2. Red Berries

“Well, sure. You can say that or this about what happened, but... Yumelin and everyone have good luck, that’s what Yumelin thinks...”

Was... that right?

Honestly, I didn’t really know.

But, well, maybe it wasn’t impossible to claim that...?

We were, after all, still alive. Even after all the writhing and agony, no one had died.

When Hobuzo had taken off running, probably crazed by the pain, we’d all crawled after him to an area full of trees. It was the first time I’d seen so many trees in my life.

While we were all resting against the trees, we gradually settled down. Those mushrooms were poisonous, but maybe not toxic enough to be life-threatening.

Whatever the case, we’d survived.

“Anyway, it’s not that or this, it’s this or that, okay?” I said.

“Mew...? Yumelin’s always thought it was that or this. Was she wrong? Huh...”

“Well, it’s fine, really,” I said. “This and that, or that and this. Not much difference.”

“It’s a huge difference, moron!” Gobuta said, practically spitting out the words. He was clinging to a tree for some reason. “They’re way too different. Anything and everything, and everything and anything, are completely different!”

“That’s not what she said, though.”

“Shut up. Stupid Gobuhiro. You don’t know how I feel...”

“This conversation was never about how you feel.”

“Gwehhhh,” Gobuta moaned. “Soooo hungryyyy...”

“Man, are you even listening to what I say?”

“I’m too hungry for that...”

“Is this a forest?” Shiholin seemed to snap to her senses and looked around at the trees. “I’ve heard stories of a place with lots of trees called a forest.”

“Oh, yeah?” Gobuto stood up on shaky legs, placing a hand on a tree for support as he looked up above the trees. “The forest. I’ve heard of it, too. There are all sorts of creatures in the forest. We should have an easier time coming by food, at least compared to the fields or the Old City.”

“Are...” Hobuzo looked at the tree with empty eyes. “Are we going to eat these...?”

“No...” Gobuto shook his head. “That’s not how it works...”

Hobuzo, it was quite plain to see, was reaching his limits. No, he was already past them. It might only have been because he was a hobgoblin, bigger and tougher than us goblins, that he was still holding on.

I looked to Hobuzo, Gobuto, Yumelin, Shiholin, and lastly Gobuta, in turn. I didn’t care about Gobuta, but everyone else, I considered them friends. There was a sense of common purpose there, too. Or maybe they were like brothers and sisters to me.

“I’ll go look,” I said. “For food. I can probably move around, if it’s not for too long.”

“I’ll go, too.” Even at a time like this, Gobuto smiled.

“What should Yumelin do? She wants to go, but she might end up collapsin’...”

“You shouldn’t... push yourself...” Shiholin used something like a staff for support, straining herself to stand up. “...I’ll go. You stay here...”

“I’m not going.” Gobuta was still clinging to the tree. “You people go. Go, and bring back food for me. Hurry it up. If you don’t, I’ll die.”

“Then just die...” I muttered.

“How can you say that, Gobupirolin?! I’ll kill you, you dolt!”

“You’ve still got the energy, huh?”

“I do not! I’m barely breathing here! Now go! Quick! Hurry it up! Go on! Go, go, go! Get on with it! Hurry back, and keep me alive!”

I didn’t want to waste my strength arguing with this piece of trash. Gobuto, Shiholin, and I headed into the forest.

Not long after that, Shiholin stumbled, Gobuto caught her without missing a beat, and he told her to hold on to his arm. Shiholin seemed really hesitant to accept at first, but once she’d grabbed on, there was no sign of her letting go.

For my part, I felt safest with her doing that. Shiholin had the least stamina out of all of us. Honestly, it was a mystery to me. Why had she come? Wouldn’t it have been better for her to rest with Yumelin?

“Gobuhiro,” Gobuto began.

“Hm...? What, Gobuto?”

“...It’s nothing.”

“Hey, listen,” I said.

“Huh?”

“I have no regrets, okay? The one who suggested leaving Damuro... Well, sure, that may have been you. But I agreed with it when we left. I mean, I don’t really know, but... I don’t think it was a mistake, or anything like that...”

“Yeah.”

“This isn’t anyone’s fault... or anything, you know? It’s especially not your fault, Gobuto. You’re always... leading us, I guess you could say. If you weren’t around, we’d... never have changed.”

“I can’t say I agree with that.”

“No, it’s true. It is. We’d be the same as ever. Orphans with nothing, and unable to do anything... That’s how things would have ended for us. Don’t you agree, Shiholin?”

“I do. Honestly... Gobuhiro-kun is right. I...”

That surprised me.

Shiholin started to cry.

“...I’m grateful. So grateful... I wanted to tell you that someday, Gobuto-kun. I just couldn’t...”

“No, I should be thanking you,” Gobuto said softly.

As I’d thought, Gobuto was really amazing. If it were me, and she started crying like that, I’d probably panic, with no idea how to respond. Gobuto was different. He gently patted Shiholin on the back, smiling at her.

“I’m grateful to all of you, letting a guy like me be one of you.”

In a way, that surprised me more than Shiholin’s tears.

A guy like me?

If we were talking about Gobuta, I could understand him referring to himself like that. Though, come hell or high water, Gobuta would never say it.

But with Gobuto, there was nothing that should have made him so down on himself. Was it humility? If it was, it didn’t suit him.

In fact, I wanted to thank him for letting people like us be his comrades. That was how I really felt. Though, like Shiholin, I couldn’t say that, even if I wanted to. It was embarrassing, and felt too impersonal. But...

Was something up?

I thought so.

Gobuto was knowledgeable. He knew all sorts of things orphans like us shouldn’t. Naturally, that didn’t matter, and Gobuto was one of us, but he was different. I sensed that occasionally—no, fairly often. Gobuto wasn’t like us. He was too different from us orphans without bloodline names.

Gobuto might not be an orphan.

That thought passed through my head again. It really was impossible, though. If he weren’t an orphan, he’d be living well, in a proper house and everything.

Well, what’s it matter? I thought.

Gobuto was one of us. We all saw Gobuto as a comrade. So, no matter who Gobuto was, that was fine. If he had a secret, or a situation that was hard to talk about, or anything else, Gobuto would tell us if he wanted to talk about it.

That he wasn’t talking meant either that there was nothing, or that he didn’t want to. If he didn’t want to talk now, he might someday. I’d, of course, be happy to listen.

There was no need to rush things.

Gobuto wasn’t going anywhere.

He was our comrade.

We’d always be together.

Well, that was assuming we didn’t starve to death.

Feeling a sudden bout of dizziness, I collapsed into the undergrowth.

“Gobuhiro...?!”

“Gobuhiro-kun!”

Gobuto and Shiholin rushed over immediately and tried to extract me from the bushes. I rejected the help, though.

“...Hold on. This is—”

In the low branches of the underbrush I had fallen into, there were what looked like red berries.

No, they didn’t just look like berries—they were berries.

I picked them. We’d just been through the Mushroom Incident, so maybe I should have been more cautious, but I stuck it in my mouth without hesitation.

“It’s sour... but sweet...?”

“Huh? Gobuhiro? What are you eating?” Gobuto asked.

“What’s... sweet...?” ventured Shiholin.

“Berries! These round, red berries! They’re delicious! I think?! I’ve never eaten anything like them, so they feel weird in my mouth, but—So good! Yeah! They’re delicious!”

When they saw me stuffing my mouth with berries, Gobuto and Shiholin reached out, too. I hurriedly stopped them.

“Whoa, whoa! They could be poison! I already ate them, so I’m the poison tester! If time goes by and I’m still all right, then...”

“O-Oh, right.” Gobuto wiped his mouth. “Uh oh. The moment I thought we could eat them, they started looking tastier...”

Shiholin slumped down, a pathetic look on her face. “You’re killing me...”

I could understand the feeling, but we had to keep sacrifices to a minimum.

We waited like that.

For quite a long time, I felt.

“It’s safe...” Gobuto swallowed his spit in anticipation. “Wouldn’t... you say?”

Shiholin nodded eagerly. “It’s fine. Definitely.”

“Well...” I rubbed my throat and stomach. Nothing felt off. So far as I could tell. “I guess?”

“Well, then...” Gobuto plucked a red berry from a branch. “Down the hatch.”

Not wanting to be outdone by Gobuto, I ate, too.

So did Shiholin.

One after another.

We ate more and more.

I couldn’t stop—

Wait, is there a need to stop? No, right? Then it’s eating time. I’m gonna eat. I have to eat, right? I ought to eat. I’ve gotta eat, right? I’m gonna eat like crazy. Of course I’ll eat. What’s wrong with eating?! Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Eating is righteous. We must eat. Eat, eat, eeeeat!

“...Ah!”

When I came to my senses, my face was a mess of red berry juice... no, my whole body had gone bright red.

Not just me. Shiholin, too. And Gobuto.

“Ha!” Unable to help myself, I laughed. “Wahaha! Waha! Gobuto, Shiholin! You’re red! Too red! Aha! Hahaha!”

“Bwah ha!” Gobuto laughed. “You, too, Gobuhiro! Red! Red everywhere! Shiholin, too!”

“Hee hee. Hee. D-Don’t look... Hee hee. Gobuto-kun, Gobuhiro-kun, you’re both red... Pfft...! Mweeheeheehee...”

We all clutched our guts and laughed out loud. The impulse to laugh wasn’t dying down. But I wasn’t so sure what was supposed to be funny anymore, and it was no time to be laughing.

“L-Let’s go, heheheheh... We have to let Hobuzo and Yumelin... and I guess Gobuta, too, know... Heheheheh... We need to let them eat, too!”

“Y-You’re right, Heheheh... It hurts... Heheheh... We need to hurry, and let them eat... Hahahaha...”

“I can’t take anymore... M-My stomach, it hurts... I’m laughing too hard... Heh, heh, heh...”

We somehow managed to suppress our laughter on the way back, but when the others saw us, Hobuzo, Yumelin, and Gobuta jumped up into the air.

“Uwahhhh?!”

“Eeeeeeeeeek?!”

“Gwahhhhh, man, you’re all covered in blood?! D-Don’t tell me you’ve died, and you’re back as ghosts?!”

We’d all forgotten we were bright red with berry juice.

This would later come to be known as the Red Berry Incident.

That aside, we had now managed to come by food. The berries weren’t filling, but they were plentiful, and as we stuffed ourselves, the feeling of hunger faded. No one got an upset stomach, and turning red with berry juice was tolerable.

We might not have been full, but we had a lot in our bellies.

We all lay down on the ground.

“I’m glad,” I managed at last. “I don’t know how to say it, but...” I was trying to say something, but I couldn’t find the words. “It was good. Being able to find something to eat.”

“Well, yeah,” Yumelin giggled. “It was, but it sure was a surprise when Gobu-kun, and Gobuto, and Shiholin came. Nyuhuhuhuh...”

“We didn’t look that different from how you do now, you know?” Shiholin said, in a teasing tone that was rare from her.

“Oh, yeah? Wahh! You’re right. Eeheehee. Guess we’ll need some bathin’.”

“Bathing, huh...” Gobuta let out a perverse laugh. “Sounds good to me. Bathing. If we look, there’s gotta be something. A pool of water, somewhere. Let’s all bathe together, and get refreshed. Uweheheh...”

“Just gonna say this now, Yumelin’s not gettin’ in with you, Gobuta.”

“Why not?! You were the one who said you wanted to bathe!”

“Because, Gobuta, you seem like you’d keep starin’. Like, at weird places. You absolutely would.”

“Keh,” Gobuta muttered. “What’ve you got to lose by being seen? I mean, your bare flesh? It’s not even worth looking at. Now, Shiholin on the other hand...”

“I refuse, too. That goes without saying, though.”

“Don’t be so stingy!” Gobuta hollered. “You don’t lose anything by being seen! Think of it as a service to the rest of us! A service!”

“Why should I offer any kind of service to you? I’d sooner die.”

“Yumelin, too! Not in this life, or the next!”

“Water...” Gobuto sat up, scratching his chin. “That’s right. We’ll want to secure a watering hole. The red berries will last us a few days, so in that time, we need to secure a watering hole and a new source of food.”

That was Gobuto for you. Already thinking about the next step. Me, though? I didn’t want to do, or think about, anything for a while. It didn’t feel like I could think of anything.

“We’re alive, huh,” Hobuzo said, his voice quivering just a little. “Being alive, it’s incredible. All of us are alive. I’m just so... happy.”

Shiholin sniffled. She seemed to be crying.

“Yeah. That’s right.” Yumelin patted Shiholin on the head. “Yumelin’s real glad, too. Who knew just livin’ was somethin’ to be so happy about?”

“Yeah...” Gobuto lay down. “You’re right. I mean it. It’s nice to be alive. We’re all right, and maybe it’s enough just for us all to be alive like this. Wasn’t that what you were trying to tell us earlier, Gobuhiro?”

“Well...” I started to feel like it was. I mean, that was probably it, so I was a bit embarrassed. “...Maybe? I wonder. Yeah. Could be...?”

“Ha!” Gobuta scoffed. “Who’s happy just to be alive? You moron. Just living’s enough? Could your aspirations possibly be any lower? Can’t you do better? Have some drive, some ambition...”

“What, do you have something like that then, Gobuta?” I asked.

“Damn straight I do. Listen and be amazed, Gobupirosuke. Get this, I...”

“Shh!” Gobuto raised a finger to his lips.

We fell silent. Gobuto’s demeanor was filled with an intensity that made us.

Gobuto quickly stood. We all rose, too, doing our best to make no noise. We walked silently through the woods with Gobuto leading the way. It wasn’t long before we heard voices. We each pressed our backs to a tree, lowering our postures.

I whispered to Gobuto, who was beside me, “What are those voices?”

“Not goblins. We can be sure of that, I think.”

“Then...”

I was frightened. Not just inside. I was so scared I couldn’t keep it hidden.

Aren’t you being too much of a scaredy cat? I thought. But I had a reason to be so shook up.

“...Humans, huh?” I whispered.

“Most likely,” Gobuto replied, using hand signs to signal to us. The sign meant stay here, I got that much, but what was Gobuto planning to do?

...Go in alone, apparently.

Before hesitation could kick in, my body moved on its own.

I chased after Gobuto. He noticed me and shook his head. I shook my head right back at him.

I’m scared as all hell, but do you think I’m going to let you go in alone?

Gobuto shrugged as if to say, I guess I’ll have to live with this.

It may have been my imagination, but, at that moment, Gobuto looked a little relieved.

Also, and this was a first, he seemed vulnerable somehow. If someone didn’t stay by his side, it’d be bad. I may have sensed that and chased after him in response. Even though I was pretty sure me being with him wasn’t going to make a whole lot of difference.

Still, if it came down to it, I might be able to at least die in his place. Without Gobuto, everyone would be in trouble. When I thought about it that way, that encouraged me a little.

Eventually, the human voices got really close. I still couldn’t see them, but it felt pretty dangerous. Gobuto and I stuck close to one another, hiding in the bushes.

I was quivering, of course, but so was Gobuto.

Gobuto was scared, too?

At some point, it had started to get dark out.

The humans were talking about something.

“...What now?”

“There’s not much we can do... We’ve got to head back. To Alterna.”

“Boys in pain, all in vain, huh...”

“Who’re the boys in pain?”

“S-Still! ...A-Actually, it’s nothing.”

“...I’m hungry.”

“Once we get back, let’s hit the market and get dinner somewhere first. I know a cheap place where we can stay the night. It’s a lodging house for volunteer soldiers in the west of town—”

“Tch. Maybe we oughta camp out. Since we didn’t bring in a single copper coin.”

“No, we should save that as a last resort. They may be shared, but the lodging house has—”

The fear was mounting, and I felt like I might die at any second, but I noticed something strange.

Why did I understand what the humans were saying?

That wasn’t normal... right? I mean, I was a goblin. The humans clearly spoke a different language from us goblins. Despite that, I could understand. This was clearly weird.

Eventually, the humans moved away. Gobuto and I poked our heads out of the brush, watching them go.

One... Two... Three... Four... Five... Six... Six of them.

It had to be a coincidence, but there were six humans, just like there were six of us.

The humans were soon out of sight, and I could no longer hear their voices and footsteps.

“Those are humans,” Gobuto said with a tortured expression, still staring off into the direction the humans had gone.

“Gobuto...?”

“Huh? What?”

“Nah, I don’t know what I wanted to say...”

For some reason, I couldn’t say it. That I’d understood the human’s language.

Also, I couldn’t help but feel Gobuto held some special feelings towards the humans, but I couldn’t confront him about that, either.

“Should we head back?” I asked. “To everyone else. They must be worried.”

“Oh...” Gobuto smiled.

It didn’t just seem forced. It felt manufactured, or to be more harsh, like a suspicious lie of a smile. It didn’t suit Gobuto.

“That makes sense. Let’s head back. To our comrades.”