Grimgal of Ashes and Illusion - Volume 14.2 - Chapter 1.02

2. Gratitude and Reason

“Hey, big guy, you’ll do.”

He still regretted that when Kuzuoka, a man wearing a feathered hat, had said that to him in the Volunteer Soldier Corps Office, he hadn’t given him a firm refusal.

Kuzuoka had looked like a good guy—not. He was the opposite. He had the face of a bully, and a foul mouth to match. Kuzuoka had said he’d teach him all sorts of things, and he’d even lend him money, but honestly, Moguzo had thought that was just talk. Still, he didn’t refuse.

In fact, the option of refusing never entered his head to begin with.

In some corner of his head, he’d known that things were leading in a less-than-good direction from the beginning. He knew going with Kuzuoka had to be a mistake. Yet, in spite of that, Moguzo could do nothing but let things run their course.

He did as Kuzuoka told him, going to the warriors’ guild, paying eight silver, and attending the beginners’ camp. There, he was run ragged by a female tutor named Komo, who wore a leather bikini bottom and a leather strap for a top—an obvious sign she was a pervert. When he called her “tutor,” she got mad, saying, “It’s Komo-san! Call me Komo-san!” Even now, he didn’t know what that was about. Komo-san was very fiery, strong, and weird.

He had lost count of the number of times he sighed, thinking, I’m not cut out for this, during the seven-day training camp. Swinging around a big sword was one thing, but hitting something with it—hurting, destroying, killing—just didn’t sit right with him. He had done a lot of practice using a wooden sword on a wooden dummy at the warriors’ guild, but even against a non-living opponent, it hadn’t felt good. He couldn’t help but think, Why do I have to do this? Isn’t there something more important I should be doing? I may be blowing things out of proportion, but if I have the power to destroy something, it would be better to use it to create something. That would be more constructive. When those thoughts passed through his head, it killed any enthusiasm he had for it.

And Komo-san gave him hell over that.

“Moguzo! You worm! What if your comrades get killed while you’re dawdling?! Your indecision will kill your own allies! Kill before you’re killed! That’s a hard-and-fast rule on the battlefield!”

Maybe I’d be better off in a place where I don’t have to kill or be killed?

“Moguzo! You just doubted your reason for fighting, didn’t you?! You fool! First comes the battle! The reason comes after that!”

He didn’t accept that. He couldn’t possibly fight a battle with no cause. If possible, he didn’t want to fight at all. Not only did he not want to wield a sword, he didn’t want to face one, either.

He hated it so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so much, but when she told him, “Do it,” his body moved on its own. He swung the wooden sword as commanded, and struck the dummy. “Too weak,” she would shout, and he’d swing harder. Even when he collapsed from exhaustion, if she kicked him in the butt, he’d get back up.

“You’re going to die like this, Moguzo! That, or get your comrades killed! Are you okay with that?!”

In response to those harsh words, he shouted back, “No, I’m not!”

He had no will of his own.

In the end, that’s what it was that time, too.

With the beginners’ camp behind him, he finally joined Kuzuoka’s party as a warrior. As a test of sorts, they decided he would have a match with the party’s dread knight, or paladin, or something like that, just outside the north gate. Not with wooden swords. This was a practice match, but it was still to be done with real swords. There’s no way I could do that, he thought. But when they told him, “Do it,” he couldn’t refuse. He was beaten down in an instant, and Kuzuoka spat on him.

“Damn, you’re useless. I shouldn’t have wasted my time waiting. It’s a huge loss. So, pay up. Money. I want money. Give me all your money. We’ll call it even then. Come on, hurry it up.”

He knew there had to be something wrong with him, just willingly turning over all his money. But he couldn’t push back. He’d be in trouble without money, and he obviously didn’t want to do it, but he couldn’t find the will to resist.

If Manato and his party hadn’t come by after that, who knows what would have happened to him. No, before that, what had Moguzo himself intended to do about it?

He couldn’t imagine. He hadn’t thought about it at all. He might have stayed there, sitting at the side of the road just outside the north gate, without a single thought occurring to him.

Manato, Haruhiro, Yume, Shihoru, and Ranta had saved Moguzo. He owed the five of them a debt of gratitude. If there was something that even he could do for them, he wanted to do it. He had to. He was, technically, a warrior, so he’d fight for all of them as hard as he could.

That, and cook.

He’d make food for everyone.

In fact, he had a bit of confidence in that field.

When they faced goblins, even as he mentally shouted, Fight, you’ve got to fight, at himself, he had no idea what to do, or how to do it, and his body wouldn’t move. He couldn’t fight without thinking, I’m gonna do this. What do I do? I know. I should do this, and going over every little detail. Because of that, he was always a step behind.

With cooking, it was different.

This is the kind of thing I want to make, or, That’s what I want to make—the ideas came to him easily. If he bought something at a stall, he could more or less figure out the ingredients, and how it was flavored. If he just had the materials, with a little trial and error, he could recreate almost any dish.

“...Have I been letting that go to my head?”

Moguzo stood in the middle of the volunteer soldier lodging house’s yard, hanging his head.

“And Ranta-kun saw through it... Is that what happened?”

“Moguzo?”

“Huh...?”

When Moguzo looked up, Manato was right next to him, looking at him with his head cocked to the side.

“Oh... M-Manato-kun.”

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“No, uh, well... N-Not really. I can’t say... anything... didn’t, though...”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Manato asked with a chuckle, then sat down next to Moguzo, “It looks to me like something did happen. Why not tell me about it, if you don’t mind? Sometimes, just putting whatever’s bothering you into words can make it easier to cope with.”

“Th-That makes sense. Sure...”

Moguzo sighed and rubbed his own chest. It didn’t help the words come out any easier, though.

“I don’t mind,” Manato said in an easygoing tone of voice, “If you can’t talk about it, you don’t have to. There’s no need to force yourself.”

“R-Ranta-kun was...!”

Suddenly, something burst out of his throat, and he was surprised to find out it was his own voice. That’s how it felt.

“R-Ranta-kun, he, um... I don’t know how to put it. H-He challenged me to a contest. So...”

“Oh, yeah? What kind of contest?”

“It was... c-cooking.”

“Well, you’ll win that one. The match is decided before it even begins.”

“H-Huh? No, y-you can’t say that until it happens...”

“I mean, Ranta’s never even cooked a proper meal, I’ll bet. He’s not good at peeling, or cutting things up.”

“H-He’s kind of haphazard, you know? Ranta-kun, I mean. He’s not good at being thorough...”

“Sloppy. That’s what Ranta is. He’ll try to cut every corner he can.”

“I know, right? ...B-But that’s not how cooking works. Nothing is without purpose. Oh, and whether or not you put your heart into it makes a very clear difference.”

“Ranta’s the type who follows his whims and does things efficiently.”

“Th-That’s no good, though. I mean, I don’t know if I should be saying it’s no good. It may be fine with other things, but with cooking, by actually putting the time and effort in, you get a completely different result. In fact, that all builds up to—”

“Why not beat him, then?”

“...Huh?”

“You should have the contest in front of everyone, and beat Ranta into the ground.”

When Manato said something like that with a refreshing smile, for a moment, Moguzo didn’t understand.

“It’s okay. No matter how things play out, it won’t feel awkward. I’ll take care of that. I mean, you kind of want to do it, too, right, Moguzo?”

Moguzo’s eyes widened. When Manato said that, for the first time, he realized he did.

“...Y-Yeah.”