Grimgal of Ashes and Illusion - Volume 14.2 - Chapter 2.07

7. Before Dawn

8:00 in the morning, in front of Alterna’s north gate. I had never once arrived late to a meeting. I usually arrived before anyone else. It was the same that day, too.

“—And on that note, everyoooone! I want to introduce you all to our new frieeeend! It’s the priest, Merry! Okay, give her a nice round of applause...!”

When curly-haired Ranta shouted that in desperation, sleepy-eyed Haruhiro and bear-like Moguzo clapped hesitantly. The other two’s mouths were hanging open. They were both girls. One was a quiet-looking mage. The other had a bow and arrows, so she was likely a hunter. —Girls. They really did feel like girls, not volunteer soldier material. No one in the party did.

You’re kidding me, right...? That was my honest impression. I thought that I had worked with my fair share of diverse volunteer soldiers. Some older, some younger. Some more experienced, some less. But I had never seen a bunch of kids like them.

They looked like they had just become volunteer soldier trainees. Normally, after a day or two in this life, people changed a little. —Normal. In a way, these kids may have been the normal ones. We were the ones who weren’t normal. We had adjusted. Whether we liked it or not. As far as I knew, everyone was like that. These kids were normal, but they were weird.

“Th-This is Merry-san...”

When Ranta indicated to me again, the mage girl finally said, “He...” with a hesitant bow. “...Hello.”

“Ni... Nice to meet you,” the hunter girl greeted me, too.

What was I supposed to say? The girls were wary of me. Of course they would be. That was to be expected. But there were no barbs. The wariness I was used to was more combative, closer to outright hostility. That, or irritation and disgust. Displeasure. With these girls, their wariness came with such a large amount of bewilderment that I couldn’t help but feel confused, too.

I had no idea what to do. I brushed my hair back behind my ear, and looked to Haruhiro.

“Is this everyone?”

“Yeah...”

I looked him in the eye, and Haruhiro hurriedly looked down. That reaction. It was too normal...

“Uh, yeah. This is everyone. With you included, there’s six of us.”

“I see,” I said with a little laughing snort. I couldn’t keep this up if I didn’t laugh. I needed to change gears. This was hard. Too hard.

“Well, that’s fine. As long as I get my share, I don’t care. Where are we heading? Damuro?”

“Y-Yeah... I guess?”

“You guess? Be clear.”

“D-Damuro. The Old City. Hunting goblins... As for the rest, I don’t know.”

“Fine, whatever. Well, how about you get going? I’ll follow you.”

“...Hey, you know?” Ranta looked at me with upturned eyes. “C-Couldn’t you, uh, do something about the way you talk, your attitude...?”

“Huh?”

“...No, s-sorry... Really, sorry. It’s nothing...”

This man wasn’t even worth mentioning. If I could shut him up this easily, he was easy.

There was absolutely no conversation during the one-hour walk to Damuro. Even if they had tried to talk to me, I doubt I would have responded. What did these kids talk about normally? I couldn’t imagine. I only knew that they didn’t mesh with me. Though, no one did anymore.

I’ve come a long way, huh? I suddenly thought, I must have started in a place similar to Haruhiro and his group. It wasn’t an easy enough time that I can say, “It was fun back then.” But, you know, maybe it was fun. It was fulfilling. When I look at these kids, I feel like I can remember it. I don’t want to remember. I should have rejected this job. I screwed up.

“...What if we run into them again?”

Just before we entered the Old City, Haruhiro mumbled that.

“If we do,” Ranta said in a strangely dark tone, “We’ve got to kill them. I won’t be satisfied until I’ve cut that armored bastard and the hobgob’s ears off and offered them on Lord Skullhell’s altar.”

“But...” The mage girl’s tone was less dark, and more cold. It didn’t suit her. “We can’t win. Not as we are now.”

Ranta scoffed. “We’ll fight even if we can’t win.”

“If we get ourselves killed doin’ that—” the hunter girl’s voice quivered, “...If we die like that, it’ll all be for nothin’.”

“Dying is no good.” Moguzo nodded vigorously. “I don’t want anyone else to die.”

It was bizarre for a party not to have a healer. For this party to have never had a healer to begin with. That was impossible.

“Is someone...”

I started to say, then bit my lip. There was no need to ask.

It wasn’t that they never had a healer. They lost one.

They probably died.

“...going to go out? Or not? I don’t care which, but make it quick.”

Ranta looked away, clicking his tongue in disapproval.

“Let’s get on with it, Haruhiro.”

“Yeah...”

Haruhiro’s eyes had wandered, as if he was hesitating. Come to think of it, who was the leader in this party? I had a feeling it was Haruhiro, but I couldn’t be sure. A party with no leader. That’s what they looked like. Could it be...

Was the healer who died their leader...?

If so—if that was what happened, that was about the worst possible outcome. No, it was the worst.

This job scares me. It’s too scary.

Even as I thought that, I would do my job without letting it show. That was my policy, but it was really hard this time. The way Haruhiro stuttered when he said, “L-Let’s go,” honestly left me feeling pretty gloomy. How exactly did these kids hunt? I didn’t want to think about it. I just hoped they understood the most basic theory. I wasn’t asking for much, but my hopes were still shattered.

Though, not immediately. We all stalked the area, and Haruhiro at least seemed like a thief when he went out and scouted, but we didn’t find any suitable prey. Well, of course not. It seemed these kids had narrowed their aim to just groups of two goblins or less. But goblins weren’t stupid. They knew it was obviously safer to move in groups. There weren’t going to be that many goblins alone, or with just one other. In my experience, goblins in the Old City of Damuro generally traveled in groups of three or more. How could the party take down a group of three goblins? That was the first hurdle to hunting in the Old City, and everything started there, in a way.

Basically, these kids weren’t even standing at the starting line yet.

Still, if this kept up, we’d never be able to hunt, and that meant no income. Haruhiro seemed to have resolved himself. The target Haruhiro found for us just after noon was a group of three goblins.

In the ruins of a broken building, there was a goblin in chainmail with a short spear, and two goblins wearing clothing made of actual cloth, one of them carrying an ax, the other carrying a short sword. Haruhiro started to explain something resembling a strategy.

“First, Yume and Shihoru launch a preemptive strike on the spear gob. Me, Ranta, Yume and Merry will keep the ax gob and short sword gob busy, so Moguzo and Shihoru take out the spear gob. If it’s hard for the two of you, either Ranta or I will step in to help. Once the spear gob is taken out, this will be easy.”

“Hold on.”

It wasn’t like I hadn’t anticipated this. I’d suspected these kids didn’t know even the basic theory. They didn’t. That was all. But it was a shock. Did they not understand? This was why they lost their comrade.

“Why am I fighting goblins?”

“Huh... W-Was that not okay? Huh? Why not...?”

“I don’t go up front. I’m a priest, the reason should be obvious.”

“Hey...” Ranta started to snap, but composed himself, “...pal.”

“Pal?”

I was irritated. Not angry. There was no need to get angry. This was work.

For me, this is just a job. But what about you people? Are you okay with this?

Ranta hesitated, “...Y-You?” he corrected himself. He was the one who had gotten intimidated, but it seemed he didn’t like it. “No, it’s weird for me to address you like that... M-Merry!”

“Where’s my -san?”

“M-Merry...-san,” a vein was pulsing on Ranta’s temple, and his whole body was shaking.

What’s he so indignant about? Is he an idiot?

“N-Now listen, you priests carry that thing with you. That, uh, what’s it called? A priest’s staff? You’ve got one, right? That thing’s for whacking stuff with, right? Or is it just for show?”

“Yes. This is just for show.”

“Why you little...”

“Little?”

“M-Merry...-san, you, couldn’t you be a little more, you know, more... uh, I don’t know. Forget it. Just do whatever you want...”

“I’d do what I want without you telling me to, you realize?”

“Of course you would! Hahahaha! I figured as much! Dammit, what’s this bitch’s problem...?”

“Could you refrain from using such filthy words? They soil my ears.”

“I’m so sorry! My bad! If you really don’t like it, why not try some earplugs?”

“Why should I have to trouble myself like that?”

“A-Anyway...” Haruhiro said, scratching his neck as he stepped in to stop us fighting, “I understand what you’re saying. Merry will stand by in the rear until she’s needed. Um, maybe near Shihoru would be best. Shihoru’s a mage, so she doesn’t go up front. That should be fine... right?”

To stand by until I was needed. That was exactly the role of a priest. It looked like he finally got it. The mage girl. Shihoru, was it? I hadn’t even heard her name before. What was with these kids? They made me mad. If I got too irritated, it could affect my work.

“Sounds reasonable, I guess?”

“W-Well, we’ll go with that, then... Yume, Shihoru, please.”

When Haruhiro called their names, the mage girl and the hunter girl both silently nodded. The hunter girl’s name was apparently Yume.

Yume and Shihoru were blatantly angry. They must have really disliked me, because they wouldn’t even look me in the eye. Well, not that I cared.

The three boys may not have bothered to sufficiently explain to them why I was here. There were signs to suggest that was what had happened. If that was it, then it was hard to blame the two of them for being wary of me. I mean, normally you’d say something, right? I mean, wasn’t it obvious that the whole group should have talked it over first? Were they not communicating? They were beyond inexperienced; they were worse than amateurs, and they didn’t seem to get along that well, either. Seriously, what was going on here?

Haruhiro went ahead of the group with Yume and Shihoru following behind him. Then, when he approached the area in question, Shihoru prepared a spell on his signal, and Yume readied her bow. Shadow Beat, huh? Shihoru’s spell hit the spear goblin. That made the goblin drop its spear, but Yume’s arrow missed. It was a ranged weapon; she was bound to miss sometimes. But not like that.

“...That was just awful,” I muttered, and Yume jumped a bit as she gripped her bow tighter.

You focus too much when you’re loosing your arrow. It’s not my specialty, and I’m not your comrade, so I won’t tell you that, though. But I hope you realize it. Even if it’s hard to see your own faults.

“Don’t worry about it!” Haruhiro called out to Yume as he drew his dagger.

You have the presence of mind to reassure Yume, huh? That’s impressive, but it’s really not what you should be focusing on right now.

Moguzo and Ranta attacked the goblins. The ax gob and the short sword gob got in their way, and in that time the spear gob was scrambling to pick up its spear. Haruhiro performed a Backstab on the short sword gob. It was only a scratch. But the short sword gob became focused on him. Ranta was handling the ax gob. Moguzo went for the spear gob. Ahh, but the spear gob was faster. It got its short spear and stabbed at Moguzo. Moguzo did a good job of tucking his arms in and using his bastard sword to deflect the spear. He was pretty skillful for such a big guy. Yume pulled out a machete and charged. It looked like she was going to support Haruhiro. That was unusually daring for a female hunter. Diagonal Cross. The short sword gob jumped back and evaded it, but it was still a pretty good attack. Was Yume better at close combat?

“Ohm, rel, ect, vel, darsh...!”

Shihoru used Shadow Beat again. It looked like she was trying to support Moguzo, but the spear gob got out of the way. The shadow elemental that Shadow Beat launched was slow. It was hard to get it to hit without some preparation. But Shihoru’s aim was good. The spear gob was thrown a little off balance, so Moguzo immediately swung his bastard sword. It was too far, though. He caught nothing but air. He didn’t understand his striking distance. Had he never fought an enemy with a spear before?

Ranta was struggling against the ax gob. It wasn’t going well, but couldn’t he do something about the way he moved? There was too much waste. Was that just how dread knights were? I couldn’t believe that. The dread knights moved around a lot, but it was usually sharper. He looked like a frog flailing around in confusion.

Haruhiro and Yume had a 2-1 advantage. They’d be fine.

Moguzo was on the receiving end of a flurry of thrusts from the spear gob, and it had him recoiling. With his enemy using a spear, that was only going to make his situation worse, though. He just didn’t have enough experience. He didn’t know how to fight. If I were his comrade... No, even if I were his comrade, I wouldn’t be in a position to tell him to do this, or do that.

“Ow...!”

Ranta took a cut to his left thigh, and jumped back like a frog. Goblins were shorter than humans. He needed to be especially careful of attacks to his lower half, but he didn’t seem to know that.

“Yume, I’ll take care of this one, you take the ax gob!”

Haruhiro planned to have Yume help Ranta? He was watching, and the decision wasn’t too slow. But was it a good one? Did Ranta need support now?

“Merry, heal Ranta!”

“No,” I responded immediately.

“No?! Huh? Why not?!” Ranta protested.

“It’s not a wound that requires immediate treatment. Suck it up.”

“...Why you...!” Ranta took out his anger on the ax gob.

See? He was fine.

“Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit! Don’t get all conceited just because you’re a little, okay, very, attractive! This is bullshit! Bullshiiiiit...!”

“Aren’t you supposed to be in pain, Ranta?”

“I am in pain! Hatred...!”

Ranta swung his longsword downward diagonally at the ax gob. Well, with an attack that telegraphed, there was no way he was going to hit. It easily dodged.

“I’m gushing blood here, you know?! Of course it hurts! It hurts, goddammit...!”

The short sword gob swept Yume’s legs from under her, and she landed on her rump with a cry of surprise. For a moment, I almost sprang into action, but Haruhiro was there. There was no telling if the enemy had reinforcements coming, and I had to protect Shihoru. Besides, the goblins looked ready to flee.

“Why you...!” Haruhiro tried to put himself between the short sword gob and Yume. The short sword gob ran. It was fleeing. Along with the other gobs.

Haruhiro looked dumbfounded. Ranta was frustrated. Moguzo, Yume, and Shihoru seemed relieved.

“You’re all worn out.” I gave them my honest opinion. Maybe I shouldn’t have. But I couldn’t hold back. Haruhiro glared at me, but he didn’t retort. If he had said so much as a word in response, I’m sure I wouldn’t have been able to restrain myself any longer.

Good for all of you. You didn’t die. You got lucky this time. But if you keep on repeating this, you’ll pay for it eventually.

Not that it’s my problem. It has nothing to do with me. Because I’m not your comrade. You people probably don’t think of me as one, and neither do I.

I have one suggestion. Why don’t you quit? I don’t think you people can be volunteer soldiers. You’re not cut out for it. Though, it won’t be easy to find another lifestyle, either.

Alterna was a base for the Kingdom of Arabakia’s return to the frontier. It was just a fortress city. The Frontier Army was garrisoned there, and the volunteer soldiers supported them. The Frontier Army was a professional military, so it wasn’t easy to get in, and there were already enough people to do all of the other jobs. It cost more than just money to join the blacksmiths’, or the artificers’, or the merchants’ guilds, and they’d still make you do hard labor for a pittance of a wage. If you were a woman, you could work in the taverns, or other businesses of that sort, but even then it probably wasn’t an easy life. Basically, we had no choice but to be volunteer soldiers. You almost had to suspect there was some conspiracy to make it so things were that way.

We finished work for the day. I call it work, but our income was zero. I was in the red. That night, I didn’t go to Sherry’s Tavern, instead staying in my room.

Fortunately, the inn I was renting a room at had a proper bath. I could take a long, leisurely soak alone late at night, so I more or less always chose that time to do it. I had always been a night owl. I almost never went to bed early.

The bathwater was lukewarm. I needed to add more hot water to adjust the temperature. It was a pain, but I was used to it. If I could wash my body and hair, and then soak in a bath at just the right temperature, I could reset my feelings.

I was a volunteer soldier, so it wasn’t like I couldn’t handle going without a bath. But honestly, without this ritual I undertook at the inn, I’d have long since lost any kind of mental balance.

However, my ritual had one shortcoming. In the bath, I tried to empty my head, but it was difficult to achieve a state of nothingness. I sometimes thought about things I didn’t need to.

Will I go hunting with those children again tomorrow? The question weighed on me. My stomach hurt. Maybe I shouldn’t, I thought. I had never abandoned a job after accepting it before. But was there any need to insist on keeping it that way? Maybe it’s fine? I’ll quit. I was hesitant to do it without saying anything, though. I’d have to tell them myself. I can’t work with you people. I don’t want to die because you took me down with you.

You people want to die, right? That’s why you’re such a haphazard mess, right? If you want to die, then die. Don’t get me caught up in it. —No.

That couldn’t be right. If they wanted to die, they wouldn’t have brought in a priest like me. Those kids were doing their best, in their own way. They just weren’t good at it. They were probably suffering because, no matter what they did, it didn’t go well. That had to be frustrating, and painful. It was the same for us. Things were going smoothly, but we got tripped up, and we failed sometimes. We overcame that, and moved on. Because we were able to overcome things, we got cocky, and we made a fatal mistake.

Everyone makes mistakes. It can be a thin margin that decides if those mistakes are irreversible or not. We all learn from our mistakes. In order to avoid repeating them. You might even say that as long as we don’t die, we’ve gained the right to make our next mistake.

As long as those kids didn’t die, tomorrow would be better than today for them. They’d be able to handle the situation a little more. If they could just live through today and tomorrow.

I mumbled, “Let’s do some work,” and let my lips sink into the water. I wasn’t their comrade. But I could work. I would do my job as a priest. So that those kids could live to see tomorrow. Until those kids got tired of dealing with me, who could only work. Until then, I would do my job. That was all I had. There was nothing else left for me now.