Grimgal of Ashes and Illusion - Volume 16 - Chapter 1

1. She Was There

Deadhead Watching Keep was surrounded by walls on all sides, and the main keep itself had three watchtowers jutting out of it. Haruhiro had made his way inside one of them, climbing a spiral staircase.

According to Merry, Haruhiro and his party had once participated in an operation that captured Deadhead Watching Keep. Did that mean he had climbed up and down this spiral staircase before? He didn’t remember it at all, and the thought didn’t inspire any strong feelings in him. Since he was coming at this with a fresh perspective, that allowed him to focus on what he was seeing and hearing now, and any other hints. That was one way to look at it. It was probably best to think about it that way.

Not so much because that was a positive, optimistic way of seeing it, but more because he had to accept reality for what it was.

What the hell is going on here?

And, Why is this happening?

And, Just give me a break, already.

And, I’m getting sick of all of this.

Honestly, he couldn’t help feeling like that. He was human, after all. Of course he would.

But still, those were just feelings. Emotions that changed all of the time. They shifted. It wouldn’t do him any good to let himself be swayed by them.

After losing someone who was precious — probably incredibly precious to him — there was a hole left in his heart.

When he peered into that void, feelings of unbearable sadness and pain took hold of him.

Maybe I should just jump down that hole.

He even had stupid ideas like that. He was only human. He couldn’t help it.

That was why Haruhiro was doing his best to ignore that emptiness left in his heart. Whenever he accidentally glimpsed it, he subtly averted his eyes. He could not afford to stare into it.

When he reached the end of the spiral staircase, there was a round room. This was the top floor. The windows let him look out in all directions.

There wasn’t a person to be found in this room, or in any other room for that matter, and no inhuman creatures, either.

“I kind of expected it, but still...”

Not only were there no signs of life, there was no furniture, either. There were a handful of boxes and barrels lying over by the edge of the room. He checked them, just to be sure, but they were all empty.

There was what you might have called a hatch in the ceiling, close to the edge. It was a square door-like thing. Maybe it provided access to the roof? He wasn’t tall enough to reach it, though.

Haruhiro piled up the barrels and boxes and opened the hatch. There were iron rungs bolted into the sides of a narrow, vertical tube that was maybe a meter across. It seemed to come to a dead end, but there was likely another hatch or something similar up there.

He clambered up the ladder. The tube was less than two meters tall, though.

There was another hatch at the other end, as expected. When he pushed it open, it brought him out onto the roof.

From up there he could look over the surrounding plains and the forest to the south, and farther afield he could see Alterna and the Forbidden Tower that stood on the hill next to the town.

Deadhead Watching Keep had been held by the orcs until it was taken by the Kingdom of Arabakia’s Frontier Army and Volunteer Soldier Corps in a battle four or five years ago. Then, not long ago, around two months back, the orcs had reclaimed it.

This keep was six kilometers from Alterna. Only six kilometers.

The orcs, and by extension the Alliance of Kings, had never stopped monitoring their enemy, humanity. Though all they did was watch. Did they think humans were no significant threat, and that was why they never made any real moves against them? The fact that this was a long way from the orc and undead strongholds might have played into it, too. Near Alterna there were goblins in Damuro, and kobolds in the Cyrene Mines. The orcs deployed their soldiers to Deadhead Watching Keep and Riverside Iron Fortress. If the humans just stayed in Alterna, and made no concerted attempt to spread north, there was no need to commit a large force to exterminating them. Humanity was insignificant. Maybe that was how the orcs had viewed them.

There were three watchtowers. Someone had climbed up onto the neighboring tower.

No, not just someone, it was Neal, a scout in the Kingdom of Arabakia’s Expeditionary Force.

“Hey!”

Neal noticed Haruhiro and waved. What was he smiling for? It rubbed Haruhiro the wrong way. No, he couldn’t let it bug him. It was better not to let his emotions dictate how he dealt with the man.

“How were things on your end?” he asked Neal.

“Same as yours. Probably.”

“It looks like the keep’s an empty shell.”

“Even if we were to search every nook and cranny, we wouldn’t have much to show for the effort. Should we head back?”

“Yeah.”

The operation to retake Alterna had been carried out under the assumption that there were orcs at Deadhead Watching Keep. That had necessitated the town be secured as quickly as possible.

Close the north gate. Don’t let them in. They’d even formed plans for what to do in the event that orcs from Deadhead Watching Keep arrived during the mission.

But ultimately, the orcs never made a move.

More than that, the supposed orcish garrison that was supposed to be at Deadhead Watching Keep had vanished by the time the battle was over.

There was no sign of them from the outside, but intelligence had indicated there was a contingent of about five hundred orcs at the keep. That was a major threat, and one the Expeditionary Force could not afford to ignore. If they just assumed they were gone, but the orcs were actually lying in wait inside the fortress, set to attack when an opportunity came, it would be a serious problem.

In response to that, Haruhiro and Neal the scout were sent to Deadhead Watching Keep, but the orcs really were gone. They didn’t know where.

It was entirely possible they’d be ordered to find them. The thought of that made Haruhiro feel depressed. It wasn’t exactly that Haruhiro didn’t give a damn about the orcs, or that they were of no interest to him whatsoever, but he didn’t want to be separated from his comrades for so long. It was better if they could operate as a group. That was the feeling he had.

Jin Mogis.

The red-haired general was an ambitious one. He didn’t hesitate to do whatever it took to reach his goals. He’d take advantage of anyone he could. And when he was done with them, he’d have no trouble tossing them aside.

The world was a big place. Of course there were guys like that out there. That was fine. Haruhiro wasn’t about to tell him how to live his life.

There was just one problem.

The general was trying to use Haruhiro and his comrades. They were being taken advantage of now, at this very moment. Why was Haruhiro here with Neal, at Deadhead Watching Keep? He’d been sent. On the general’s order.

He climbed down from the watchtower, and met up with Neal outside.

“I’d heard the orcs were a tough race. Maybe they’re more cowardly than I thought.”

“I guess that depends on where they went. They may not have run away.”

“Well, they didn’t abandon their supplies, and it doesn’t look like they left in a rush. I guess they’re more organized than the goblins, huh?”

Neal was a nasty piece of work. But when he was in front of the general, he was beyond subservient.

According to him, on the other side of the Tenryu Mountains, in the south of the Kingdom of Arabakia’s mainland, they were fighting an intense war against barbarian tribes. Jin Mogis had fought the southern barbarians for more than ten years, and in recognition of his accomplishments he was given charge of a special unit known as the Black Hounds.

The Black Hounds’ primary task was not to fight barbarians. It was to capture deserters. Or to execute them. It may have been a necessary evil, required to maintain order in the military, but it was still repulsive.

Neal said he’d been in the Black Hounds. That meant the general had trained him. They didn’t act particularly close, though. Neal feared the general more than anyone. That’s what it seemed like.

“All right. Let’s get going, Haruhiro.”

Neal started walking. Haruhiro didn’t want to walk in front of him. But if he walked directly behind him, Neal would be wary. So Haruhiro trailed after him, but off to the side.

“Heh,” Neal loosened up his shoulders and chuckled quietly. Haruhiro didn’t have to respond, but he did without meaning to.

“...What is it?”

Neal glanced back at him.

“You’re good.”

His unshaven face twisted, the corners of his mouth turning upwards.

I shouldn’t engage with him. I don’t want to talk.

That was what Haruhiro thought, but Neal felt differently.

“I’ll bet your teacher was good, too. Taught you a bit of everything.”

What did he think was so funny, laughing like that? There was nothing humorous about it. Why was he laughing? It wasn’t funny at all.

Haruhiro took relaxed breaths, trying not to disrupt his gait. He saw what was going on here. Neal was trying to get a rise out of him. What was so fun about that? What was the point of it? Haruhiro couldn’t understand, but he also wasn’t Neal. He was a totally different person. Thank goodness. Though scouts and thieves were similar, that was the only thing the two of them had in common. It was obvious why he didn’t understand it.

They crossed the barren plains into the forest.

Neal came to a stop.

“Still, it’s a shame.”

Not wanting to walk in front of Neal, Haruhiro was forced to stop, too.

He didn’t ask what. Haruhiro had no intention of saying another word.

“She was a good woman.”

Neal’s face was turned half towards Haruhiro, seeking agreement.

“Right?” He spread his arms wide. “It’s such a waste. If she was gonna die, I should’ve screwed her, even if that meant I had to take her by force. Maybe then I’d be a bit sentimental about it. Might even’ve cried. You might not think so, but I’m—”

Stay cool, stay cool, Haruhiro thought to himself.

Barbara-sensei would have shrugged it off with ease. Not that he really knew that. Haruhiro didn’t know Barbara-sensei that well.

He didn’t remember her, after all.

He’d forgotten.

And that really bothered him.

Like a dam breaking, the feelings he had been trying to suppress burst forth, and he moved with explosive speed. It only took an instant.

Haruhiro slipped past Neal, and got behind him. Before the other could react, he’d planted his heel in the back of the scout’s knee. He’d caught him almost completely by surprise. Not many people could resist a strong blow to the back of the knee. He wrapped his arms around Neal’s neck as the man stumbled, and put him in a rear naked choke.

Haruhiro could rapidly render him unconscious. He could even kill him.

If he’d had a weapon in his hand, what might he have done instead? Haruhiro probably would have killed Neal rather than just choking him.

He didn’t murder him immediately. His reason kicked in at the last moment.

“Sorry.”

Haruhiro released Neal before the man could start struggling.

“I let the blood rush to my head there, and it just... happened.”

Haruhiro pushed Neal away, and backed off. He repeatedly rubbed his face with his hand and arm.

He’d gotten mad, and nearly done something irreversible. Was this another aspect of him? He’d have to be more careful in the future.

“Why you...”

Neal glared at Haruhiro, and placed his hand on the hilt of his dagger. There was a pulsing vein on his forehead. The anger was misplaced, but Haruhiro still had to deal with it.

“Nah, man. You’re the one who started this. Barbara-sensei was my... I dunno, my teacher, I guess?”

“Teacher my ass. You two had something going on between you, I’ll bet.”

“I don’t care if you believe me, but no, we didn’t.”

We probably didn’t, he thought.

Haruhiro didn’t remember, so he couldn’t be completely certain that nothing had ever happened between them.

I feel like there was nothing. There shouldn’t have been. There wasn’t... right?

Whether there was or wasn’t, it made no difference now.

Barbara-sensei was gone.

Dead.

Honestly, he couldn’t help but think, Why now? Why here?

He felt a pain deep in his nose, and his eyes were getting hot.

How could he let himself cry in front of Neal? This was the worst.

“...Please. Just stop. Don’t say anything else about Barbara-sensei...”

Haruhiro looked down. Am I going to cry? he wondered, but apparently not. He was sad. It made him want to cry. But for whatever reason, he couldn’t.

“It’s not like you just lost your mom,” Neal spat and then started walking.

Neal, who unlike Haruhiro was born in Grimgar, had parents. No, Haruhiro and his group must have had parents, too. They just had no recollection of them.

Was Neal’s mother alive and well? Haruhiro had a feeling she might have already passed away.

Even a guy like Neal had to have felt sad when he lost his mother. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have brought it up as a comparison.

“My mom, huh?”

Haruhiro followed Neal, a grim smile on his face.

It hurt.

It hurt so bad he wanted to cry, but all he could do was smile.

If Haruhiro’d told her, “You’re like a mother to me,” how would Barbara-sensei have reacted?

Would she have gotten angry and said “I’m not that old”?

No, she wasn’t his mom. Not quite a big sister, either. Barbara-sensei was Barbara-sensei.

Haruhiro didn’t have a lot of memories of her taking care of him, or teaching him things. So why did he miss her so badly despite that?

He’d avenged her with his own hands, and he still couldn’t believe she was gone. No, he just didn’t want to accept it.

But accept it or not, she was lost to him.

Forever.

Even now that her body and soul had vanished, the feeling of how she had been taken from him lingered.

The gravity of that fact might diminish slowly with time.

But for now, it weighed heavily on Haruhiro.