Grimgal of Ashes and Illusion - Volume 18 - Chapter 8

8. For Now

That he was able to rejoin the group in only a day had to be considered good luck.

The Frontier Army’s delegation had lost four horses. However, Bikki Sans had incredibly stayed mounted through the whole debacle, and Itsukushima, Yume, and Setora’s horses hadn’t gone far, so they were able to catch them. Neal the scout, who had run off on his own, came back too. The most important thing was that they hadn’t lost anyone. They’d been really lucky.

“This is on me. I might not have been paying the Quickwind Plains the respect they deserve,” Itsukushima apologized, reflecting on his failure. “I normally come to the plains by myself. I might have dogs with me, but since I’m the only person around I hardly ever let my guard down. Maintaining maximum awareness of my surroundings is a must. But this time...”

People can’t help but feel more confident in a group. Three people will behave like they’re a group of ten, and ten people will act with the audacity of a hundred. It’s how humans are. That was Itsukushima’s view, and though it may have been a little extreme, Bikki Sans nodded repeatedly in agreement.

“When humans are born and raised in a town of stone, the more solid walls and buildings we construct, the bigger we mistakenly think we are. We tend to forget that once we take one step out of our towns, we’re weak creatures with little ability to defend ourselves. We need to be more humble.”

Neal was ignoring all this talk, looking fed up with it, but perhaps it was fortunate that a man like Bikki Sans had been chosen as chief delegate. If the leader of the delegation had been incompetent or had a horrible personality, you could bet that nothing good would have come of it. Neal was unquestionably a piece of shit, but Bikki Sans was decent. Just knowing that alone was pretty comforting.

The delegation continued their advance across the Quickwind Plains, now with even greater caution than before. It looked like there were a lot of gangly giants in the area around the Crown Mountains. Maybe that was one of the places they lived. Itsukushima didn’t know, so there was no way to be sure, but it was probably best, for the time being, if the delegation were to give them a wide berth, diverting toward the northeast as they headed for the Iroto.

“For the time being” was the key phrase here. Should a problem arise, it would be too late to act at that point. If anything felt off, if anyone had a bad premonition, they needed to share it and discuss. If a change of plans was required, then they couldn’t hesitate.

Itsukushima said it was incredibly rare to run into danger while operating on the Quickwind Plains alone. That was because he would always make avoiding danger his highest priority, and never had any qualms about changing course.

However, operating in a group with a fixed destination, it wasn’t so easy to do that. On this expedition, they were trying to take the shortest possible route to the Kurogane Mountain Range. Following the optimal routes didn’t afford them much room for deviation, so that made it difficult to respond flexibly to emerging threats.

Bikki Sans ordered Itsukushima to act as more of a leader than a guide, making it official that Itsukushima and his experienced wolf-dog, Poochie, would be the ones choosing the route they took, and the rest of the party just had to follow them.

It took three days of travel before they reached the north side of the Crown Mountains. No day passed without them spotting a gangly giant in the distance, but Itsukushima changed direction as necessary to avoid getting any closer. They managed not to agitate the giants that way.

From there, the delegation advanced in a northeasterly direction. After about a day and a half, they started to see more groves of trees and hills covered in shrubbery. The ground wasn’t level, making it hard to see far, but they could tell that the woodlands stretched out to the east and northeast. Itsukushima said the Iroto wasn’t far now. There were no gangly giants anywhere to be seen and it was about time they bedded down for the night.

“How’s it look?” Bikki Sans asked Itsukushima. Since the giant’s attack, Bikki Sans had only been riding his mount occasionally. It and the other horses were primarily being used to carry luggage now. Neal was the only one who stayed on horseback, constantly looking down on all of them.

“Seems fine to me,” Itsukushima said with a nod. “Let’s get a fire going and camp here for today. We’ll finally reach the Iroto tomorrow.”

“Aw, yeah!” Ranta said, jumping for joy. “It’s campfire time! Seriously! Seriously, seriously! I’ve been missing a good fire! Fire is righteous! No, it’s evil! Praise Skullhell!”

Haruhiro’s party went around gathering kindling, then started a fire under the trees where Itsukushima told them to. Yume and Poochie went out and caught some big fat plains mice as well as a long-tailed fox with a spectacle pattern around its eyes in a little over an hour of hunting. Itsukushima and Yume butchered them with great skill, offering a part of their catch to the White God Elhit, then cooked the rest. They only had a little salt and herbs to season the meat, but they gave everyone a bit of everything, even the somewhat bitter offal, and it was all delicious.

Once he was finished eating, Bikki Sans started looking after their five horses. He’d brought a brush with him on this trip. Whenever he found time, he’d brush the horses, talk to them, and touch their bodies all over, checking for anything that might be wrong. He probably loved horses so much he couldn’t help himself. It seemed the horses reciprocated that affection.

“Horses sure are cute, huh?” Kuzaku went over and said to him.

Bikki Sans broke into a grin so wide you’d think that the compliment had been meant for him. His distinctive unibrow gave him a rather unique smile. It looked a bit comical, but also showed how good-natured he was.

“You get it, huh? The more affection you show them, the more horses’ll love you back. Unlike people. They’re truly adorable creatures.”

“I see what you mean. That makes sense... I mean, they’ve got such lovable faces. Like those cute eyes.”

“These eyes could never lie to you, right?”

“Ohhh, yeah, I get you. They do feel that way. These beady eyes’d never tell a lie.”

“I’ve looked after more horses than you can count. Some of them were temperamental, some of them were difficult, and some of them were stubborn. But I haven’t met one horse that ever lied to me.”

“Hmm. So that’s how it is. Horses don’t lie, huh? Good to know.”

“I’m just getting a feeling here...” Ranta said as he crouched near the fire. He had a half-smile on his face. “That guy must’ve either been tricked by a woman or put through absolute hell by someone, and lost his faith in humanity, don’t you think?”

“He’s an oddball,” Neal, who was standing a short distance from the fire, said with a smirk. “Rumor is he screws the horses.”

Ranta just glanced at Neal, but didn’t say anything. Neal might have thought he’d just told a funny joke, but it was a bit too vulgar.

“What gives, asshole...?” Neal said, clicking his tongue at the lack of response. He might have been about to head off somewhere, but ultimately he decided against it, instead sitting down with his back to a nearby tree.

“Ahhh! Hey, hey, Merry-chan, Setoran!”

Yume took Merry and Setora by the arms, pulling them close while saying things like, “Come on,” and, “What’s the harm?” The three women were sitting in front of the fire, arms linked. Setora seemed a little put out by this, but was apparently willing to tolerate it. Merry, meanwhile, looked like she didn’t mind at all.

“I’m going to go patrol. You all go to sleep or whatever,” Itsukushima said, moving away from the fire with Poochie.

Bikki Sans came back to the fire with Kuzaku, who had been helping him take care of the horses.

“Man, horses’re so cute. I could really get into them.”

“You’ve got potential,” Bikki said, slapping Kuzaku’s back. Kuzaku seemed genuinely pleased.

“Whoa! You mean it?”

“If you train diligently, you’ll make a good groom.”

“Well, I dunno that I want to train for it, and I’m not really looking to become one, though.”

“A good groom can become a good rider.”

“Oh! Now that has some appeal to it.”

“Listen, you...” Ranta seemed like he was about to say something, but he just shrugged and rolled over onto his side instead. “I’m gonna go to sleep. Wake me if something happens.”

“For the first watch—” Bikki Sans started to say, but Haruhiro raised his hand before he could name anyone.

“I’ll do it. We’ll take shifts from there. Itsukushima-san is out patrolling, so I think that should be fine.”

“That sounds about right,” Bikki said, satisfied with the arrangement, and took two blankets out of the luggage. He spread one out on the ground, then laid the other over it, with a pack as a pillow. He crawled between the blankets, and turned his unibrowed face toward Haruhiro and the others.

“Good night.”

Once Haruhiro and the others had each said good night to him, Bikki Sans nodded and closed his eyes. He knew what he was doing. The man was nothing if not meticulous.

“The rest of us oughta be gettin’ to sleep too, huh? Watch out for us, okay, Haru-kun?”

Yume, Merry, and Setora all went to sleep next to each other.

Merry seemed to have gotten a little better. Haruhiro was relieved to see that. He felt like he’d been putting off addressing the problem all this time, so maybe he shouldn’t have been taking things so easy. But what was he supposed to do? Not just about Merry. He also had to find a way to get Shihoru back. Haruhiro was thinking about these things, but honestly, he didn’t have the foggiest idea how he was going to solve either problem.

Kuzaku let out a big yawn next to Haruhiro. His eyelids were looking pretty heavy.

“Go to sleep,” Haruhiro told him.

“Mm, yeah,” Kuzaku replied, sounding like he was half asleep already.

Neal was sitting against the tree still, hanging his head. He hadn’t moved in a while, so maybe he was actually sleeping. Being a scout, he was probably used to sleeping in odd positions.

“Hey, Haruhiro,” Kuzaku said with another big yawn.

Haruhiro stared into the fire as he asked, “What?”

“You remembered everything, right?”

“Yeah... I guess?”

“Glad it worked out this way.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a good thing, I guess. I was just kinda thinking...”

“Yeah.”

“Like, rather than me remembering, and you not, it’s better that you remember, and I don’t, you know?”

“Maybe... You could be right.”

“I definitely am. So that’s why I’m glad it worked out this way.”

“Just go to sleep.”

“Yeah. I’ll do that.” Kuzaku got up, took two or three steps away from the fire, then collapsed like he’d run out of juice. He was already snoring.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me...”

It was kind of exasperating, but this simple, childish side of Kuzaku—maybe you could call it straightforward, if you were being nice—had been a great support to Haruhiro. He even felt like it had saved him before.

Now that he thought about it, Haruhiro tended to be hesitant about everything, not wanting to stand at the front, or above others. Despite that, he’d been able to come all this way thinking of himself as the group’s leader. It might well be that Kuzaku had been a major factor in that, second only to Haruhiro’s desire to protect his comrades.

Whatever the case, Kuzaku had absolute faith in Haruhiro and supported him. Despite standing a full head taller than Haruhiro, Kuzaku was always looking up to the thief. Kuzaku was the only one who would always act as a follower around Haruhiro, no matter what happened. To Kuzaku, he was more experienced—a leader and an older brother figure—someone he had to respect.

“You weirdo...” Haruhiro murmured, looking back to the fire. It was getting pretty low. He fed it some more dried branches.

Kuzaku had feelings for Merry. There was a time Haruhiro had even suspected they might be in an intimate relationship. It had made him jealous and depressed. Yep, that was a thing that’d happened.

Itsukushima and Poochie returned, but headed out again after letting Haruhiro know nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

Night here was totally different from out in the middle of the Quickwind Plains, that was for sure. There was no wind, for one thing. It wasn’t that chilly either. There was no sense that vicious predators were lurking on the other side of the darkness. Lots of bugs were chirping, but it felt quiet. Obviously, he still couldn’t let his guard down. He knew that, but he was starting to get sleepy.

Merry woke and came over to the fire. She sat down next to Haruhiro quietly.

“Were you able to get some sleep?” Haruhiro asked and she nodded.

“Yes.”

“Oh, good.”

“Should I take over for you?”

“Ah...” Haruhiro rubbed his chin. “Nah, I’m still good.”

“I see.”

“Hnnn.”

Merry hesitated a moment. “I’m sorry.”

“Huh? What for?”

Merry just shook her head, declining to elaborate.

Someone sighed. It wasn’t Haruhiro or Merry.

It was Neal.

“For the love of... What the hell is this shit?” Neal muttered as he walked over and sat down next to the fire.

Haruhiro and Merry looked at one another. What the hell is this shit? should have been their line.

Neal sighed again. He clicked his tongue, then sighed a third time. To top it all off, he spat on the ground.

“You’re in the way.”

“What?” Haruhiro wasn’t the type to snap easily, but obviously he was going to get mad now. What was wrong with this guy?

“I’m trying to say...” Neal tore up some grass and threw it. “You’re in my way, so go take a walk or something. I’ll keep watch for you. I’m not gonna be able to sleep right anyway.”

He was apparently trying to be considerate of them. It took some time before Haruhiro understood that. Why would Neal go and do that? What was he being considerate of? Haruhiro kind of got it and kind of didn’t. But it wasn’t totally incomprehensible.

Haruhiro looked around the area, not really for any specific reason. Ranta was sitting up a bit, which startled him a little. The dread knight silently gestured with his chin. Like he was saying, Go on.

Haruhiro wanted to think, Stop trying to be cool when you’re just Ranta, but he couldn’t.

“Okay, just for a bit...”

When Haruhiro stood up, Merry followed suit. With nowhere in particular to go, they decided to check on the horses, which were still calm, thanks to Bikki Sans.

Haruhiro couldn’t help stealing glimpses at Merry’s face.

“It’s okay,” Merry said, smiling as she stroked a horse’s mane. “I’m me right now.”

Haruhiro hadn’t thought for a second that the Merry he was with wasn’t Merry. That said, going out of his way to tell her he hadn’t suspected otherwise kind of seemed like the wrong thing to do.

“I can tell,” Haruhiro said, petting a horse too. “I dunno how, but I just kinda get it.”

“I see,” Merry murmured quietly. What was that supposed to mean? Haruhiro didn’t really know. He’d just said he got it, but he didn’t get this, not one bit.

Haruhiro looked up at the night sky. “Moon sure is bright tonight...”

Merry looked up too. The profile of her face was distinctly visible in the moonlight. Her eyes narrowed slightly. “It sure is.”

The next thing he knew, Haruhiro found he was staring at Merry.

He got all flustered as she turned to look at him.

“How about we go for a walk?” he suggested, his voice rising shrilly at the end. It wasn’t particularly funny, but Merry smiled a bit.

“Okay.”

“Watch your feet. It’s dark.” Those were just the first words that came to his mind.

Merry nodded. Then, a moment later, she looked down.

She might have been checking to see if she could see the ground. No matter how big and clearly visible the red moon was in the sky, no matter how many countless stars were shining without twinkling, the darkness was deep here on the Quickwind Plains. Merry took a step forward, but must have stepped on a rock or something because she stumbled, even if it was just a little.

Haruhiro instinctively grabbed her arm and supported her.

“Thanks,” Merry whispered, her voice incredibly close.

“Your hand.” Now this was a surprise. He hadn’t expected himself to say that. Without waiting for her reply, he moved the hand holding her arm down. He never would have thought he had it in him. Haruhiro held Merry’s hand.

Merry looked down and nodded. Then she gripped his hand in return.

The two of them walked through the darkness, hand in hand. Haruhiro couldn’t navigate by the stars the way Itsukushima or Yume could, but he could see their campfire in the distance, so there was no risk of getting lost.

The footing here was solid, and there was a small hill that looked like it would be easy enough to climb. He saw some trees growing at the crest. Haruhiro led Merry by the hand and began walking up the hill. Getting to the top was as easy as he’d expected. It was a bit more breezy up there.

“You’re not cold?” Haruhiro asked, and Merry shook her head. “Okay then.”

It was times like this that made him resent how poor a talker he was. He wished that, even if it was just once, he could be like Ranta and ramble on for hours when he felt like it.

“Inside me...”

Ultimately, Haruhiro stayed silent until Merry started talking by herself.

“Inside...you?”

“There’s someone...something inside me that’s not me. You must already know that, though.”

Haruhiro tightened his grip on Merry’s hand a little.

“Yeah.”

“It...” Merry said, referring to the thing inside her. “It’s not always trying to push me aside and come out... I don’t know how to describe it. It’s not me. But it’s not entirely someone else. I feel it. It’s always there, existing. Watching, or pretending not to watch. There are times I think it’s trying to help. But it may not be... There’s several people in there.”

“It’s...not just one person?”

“No.” Merry shook her head, then nodded. “It’s multiple people. I’m sure they were all individuals at one point.”

“Is Jessie...one of them?”

“Yeah.”

“‘He’s not here.’”

Not Merry, but the thing inside her had told Haruhiro that.

“Right.” Merry nodded. “Jessie’s memories were broken.”

“When we came back to Grimgar, the master of the Forbidden Tower gave us some kind of drug. Were you...Jessie then?”

“I ran away. I fled into myself. I didn’t want to come out.”

“Is that why you don’t remember Parano very well?”

“It’s rather vague, so I only have a hazy sense of what went on.”

“Jessie’s gone...”

There were multiple people inside Merry. Haruhiro had witnessed the contents of Jessie being poured into her. Jessie hadn’t been one person either. He’d had multiple others inside him too. Merry had inherited them.

Some person, or some thing, had to be the originator. Let’s call them A. A went inside B. At that point, A was also inside B.

Next, B entered C. Now C had both A and B inside them.

Was it okay to ask about this? Haruhiro hesitated for quite a while, but he ultimately decided to go ahead. “How many of them are there? Do you know?”

Merry didn’t answer immediately. Instead she said, “Would you mind if I sat down?”

“Of course not.”

Haruhiro found a dry rock that looked good and sat on it with Merry. He never even considered letting go of her. As they sat hand in hand, their shoulders naturally ended up touching.

“The ones I know distinctly are...a woman—a volunteer soldier. She had a lover. And comrades... All of them died. She was the last one left. Nearly dead herself... And then she stopped breathing. Her name was Ageha.”

“Was she...uh, the one before Jessie?”

“I think so. Before her was...a mage. He was a volunteer soldier too. Yasuma... He was learning from a wizard in the mage’s guild, Sarai. If I remember, Shihoru’s wizard was called Sarai too.”

“He’s not from that far in the past, then.”

“Sarai joined the guild at a young age, and went on to lead them. I think it must have been twenty, thirty years ago that Yasuma was apprenticing under him.”

Before that had been a man from the Hidden Village, surprisingly. His name was Itsunaga. He broke the code of his people, and was exiled with his mother at a young age. After that, his mother passed away, and he’d been left all alone. He held a deep grudge against the villagers, and had wandered for a long time to many disparate places.

He kept himself alive by working as a bandit, and also as an assassin, but he who lives by the sword dies by the sword. After failing to kill the leader of a band of thieves, he ended up with others seeking his life. He ran, and he ran, and eventually he got into a stupid fight that left him mortally wounded. As he lay dying, an orc appeared before him.

Diha Gatt.

That was the orc who’d revived Itsunaga.

“I don’t know much about Diha Gatt. He doesn’t come out much. He seems to have traveled all over, though.”

Haruhiro counted them off on his fingers.

Merry.

Jessie.

Ageha.

Yasuma.

Itsunaga.

Diha Gatt.

Six people.

“Is that...everyone?”

The question in Haruhiro’s mind now was, Who was that? In front of the Forbidden Tower, it had spoken to Haruhiro out of compassion for Merry, telling him that she was not responsible for this. She did not choose it. It had followed that up by also saying this:

“Nor was it I who chose her.”

Normally, he would have assumed it was Jessie speaking. He was the one who’d revived her, after all. But Jessie was gone. So who was “I” in this case?

This is just a vague sense I get, but the way it talked makes me think it wasn’t a woman. It probably wasn’t Ageha. Was it the mage Yasuma, then? Was it Itsunaga of the Hidden Village? Or maybe the orc, Diha Gatt?

“Everyone...” Merry mumbled. “No... It’s not.”

“There’s still more?”

“I...think so.”

Merry hung her head, shuddering. It looked like this was hard for her. She gritted her teeth, breathing only through her nose. I want to do something for her, Haruhiro felt strongly. But what could he do? Haruhiro was holding Merry’s left hand in his right. He placed his other hand over the top of hers too. Then Haruhiro let go with his right. He felt nervous, but he put his now empty hand around her back, or rather her waist. Haruhiro began to doubt whether he was doing this for Merry’s sake or because he wanted it himself. He couldn’t deny it completely. But Merry’s mouth opened and she exhaled. He felt her relax a little.

“A rat,” Merry said.

“A rat?”

“Yes... I don’t know much about him. But...I think, probably, he was a rat. Inside...a rat.”

“Who was inside a rat?”

“It was...” Merry’s breathing grew ragged. Haruhiro rubbed her back.

“You don’t need to force yourself.”

“I mustn’t...go back...any farther.”

“Huh?”

“Mustn’t look... Mustn’t hear... It’s better not to know... I shouldn’t know... Something’s...trying...to stop me...”

Merry kept repeating herself.

“I mustn’t go back any farther.”

She repeated it again and again.

“I mustn’t go back any farther... I mustn’t go back any farther... I mustn’t go back any farther... I mustn’t go back any farther. I mustn’t go back any farther. I mustn’t go back any farther mustn’t go back any farther mustn’t go back any farther mustn’t go back any farther mustn’t go back any farther mustn’t go back any farther mustn’t go back any farther mustn’t go back any farther mustn’t go back any farther—”

Merry repeated that mantra faster and faster. How did she not get tongue-tied? It was a mystery. And obviously not one Haruhiro had time to be puzzling over right now.

“Stop it, Merry. That’s enough. This isn’t working. You don’t need to keep thinking about this. You clearly shouldn’t. Merry. Merry.”

“No. No. No. No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no...!”

Merry shook her head around, messing up her hair. Haruhiro was terrified. This wasn’t necessarily the fear of the unknown. He had no idea what, or who, lay beyond the point Merry was talking about. In that sense, it was an unknown to him. But Haruhiro’s fear was of something more concrete. If this continued, Merry might end up like before. That was his worry. Basically, that she might be unable to maintain her sense of self. The result would be that she would retreat, or sink away, and that other “I” would emerge again in her place.

“Merry.”

Haruhiro grabbed Merry’s shoulders tight, turning her body toward his. Merry reacted to his touch as if she disliked it, but it might have been reflexive. Even so, Haruhiro refused to let go.

“Merry, look at me. Merry. Merry. Merry!”

“Haru...”

“That’s right. It’s Haruhiro. Merry, you know me, right? Look at me.”

Merry nodded a few times, her jaw quivering.

“Breathe in... Breathe out. Gently. Yeah. Breathe in... And out.”

Merry adjusted her breathing as Haruhiro instructed. It seemed to help her to calm down somewhat.

“So long as I keep it together, that thing won’t come out. It’s probably up to me.”

“That’s not true,” Haruhiro countered instantly.

Merry blinked at him two or three times. “Huh...?”

“It’s not, Merry. You have us. You have me.”

“I have...you.”

“Yeah. This isn’t all on you. We won’t make you carry the burden all alone. Me, I’m not the same person as I was back when I first invited you to be our comrade. It may be weird for me to be pointing it out myself, but I think I’ve changed a lot. I’m not as unreliable as I used to be.”

“I’ve never thought you were unreliable.”

“Well, you’re welcome to rely on me more. I want you to. Listen, Merry...”

“Okay.”

“I owe you an apology. For letting you die, and for bringing you back afterward. I decided that on my own, without asking.”

“Yeah, but...”

“Listen.”

“Okay.”

“But I still don’t regret it. No matter what it took, I wanted you to come back. I couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing you again. I want to be with you. I know we’ll have to part someday. No matter how precious something is, we always lose it in the end.”

“Yes. I suppose...that’s something we know all too well.”

“Yeah. But still. I want to be with you. Even if it’s just for one minute, or one second, longer. I’d do anything for another moment with you. That’s just how important you are to me.”

Had Haruhiro meant to say all this to her face?

“Because I love you, Merry.”

Haruhiro was shocked when those words left his mouth. But for all his surprise, there was a part of him that wasn’t really losing its head over this. He even thought, Yeah, go figure. Haruhiro’s feelings for Merry had been beyond clear for a long time now. Provided she wasn’t unbelievably dense, she knew by now without him saying anything.

Haruhiro had been harboring feelings for Merry for quite some time. By this point, he wasn’t sure if it was her beautiful face, the kindness hidden behind her thorny exterior, or her straightforward sincerity that he’d fallen for. Whatever it was, the more they were together, the more important Merry had become to Haruhiro.

Even when Mimori and Setora had made their romantic intentions clear, Haruhiro’s heart had never wavered. Not one bit. He had great affection for both of them as fellow human beings. But he felt that that was something entirely different. Haruhiro loved Merry. From the bottom of his heart. There was no way he could love anyone else when he already loved her so much.

“I really love you. Everything, everything about you. I don’t think my feelings will ever change. No, I know they won’t.”

“Haru.” Merry closed her eyes. Tears streamed from both of them. She might have been trying to hold them back. But they wouldn’t be stopped.

“I...love you too. I love you, Haru.”

“I’ll never...” Haruhiro held Merry close to him. “Let go of you again.”

Merry wasn’t petite. But when he held her like this, she seemed incredibly delicate. Merry was so soft it was mind-numbing. Beyond that, though, there was a definite weight to her, so it wasn’t like she was going to crumble apart. As Haruhiro hugged Merry tight, a sigh escaped her lips next to his ear. Merry hugged Haruhiro back. Then she nuzzled up to him like a cat, rubbing her head against Haruhiro’s cheek and jaw. It felt so fulfilling. He was already satisfied enough. There was an impatience there too. He couldn’t just stay still, holding her like this. Haruhiro kept stirring, and Merry did too. Soon enough, their cheeks touched.

Merry’s cheeks were wet with tears.

If he turned his face a little, it felt like something would happen.

But he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t possibly, and yet that’s exactly what Haruhiro did.

A slight turn of his face and Haruhiro’s lips brushed, however faintly, against something incredibly, exceptionally soft.

I should pull away, he thought.

Honestly, he was hesitant.

He didn’t even know how he shook free of his indecision.

Haruhiro pressed his lips against Merry’s.

If you put it into words, all it was was a mouth touching another mouth, so why did it feel like this? What was this sensation?

I think I love Merry.

I love her so much that my chest could burst, and my body might fall to pieces.

Merry’s the only one who could sew my chest back together, reconnect all my broken pieces.

Because she’s so dear to me.

Merry pulled her face away. Their lips parted. But only for a moment. Merry immediately pushed her lips against his of her own accord.

Haruhiro couldn’t tell who ended the kiss, or how. He didn’t remember.

Whatever happened, they were still holding one another. They’d been doing so all this time, so he’d gotten pretty used to it. They were both getting good at hugging each other in a way that minimized the space between them.

“I love you,” Merry said. It felt like he was dreaming. But Haruhiro knew that this was no dream. “Haru. I love you. Don’t let go of me.”