Grimgal of Ashes and Illusion - Volume 7 - Chapter 11

11. A Work in Progress

They could find themselves faced with a life-or-death crisis anywhere. If they made one misstep, it would be a catastrophe. There were countless times when that had been true. It would even be fair to call it a daily occurrence.

Haruhiro was lying down, gazing into the campfire. Wrapped in a blanket made of some mystery material that he had bought from the flattened egg with arms that owned the clothing and bag shop, and using his bag as a pillow, he was pretty comfortable.

He was tired and starting to drift off, but not fully asleep yet. This sort of half-and-half state wasn’t so bad. It was one luxury he could enjoy. One he couldn’t savor without having first secured his safety.

His comrades were all already asleep. While he listened to each of them either breathing shallowly or snoring, he thought idly to himself, We all managed to make it through another day. That’s nice. Everything else aside, it’s amazing to have a tomorrow.

Yume and Merry were asleep, entwined in one another’s arms. It seemed when Yume went to sleep, she would snuggle up to anyone who was nearby. Like she was longing for the warmth of another, maybe? Merry didn’t seem to mind. Tonight, though, Shihoru was a little ways away from the two of them.

Suddenly, Shihoru got up. “Haruhiro-kun? Are you... awake?”

“...Whuh?” Haruhiro pushed himself up a bit, supporting himself with his elbows. “Uh, yeah.”

“There was something I wanted to... talk to you about. Is that okay?”

“...You want to talk? Sure. Yeah, of course we can talk.”

It would be a bit awkward to do it where they were, so they walked a ways along the moat of Well Village, then crouched down side-by-side.

“So, what’s up?” Haruhiro asked. “You know, it’s kind of weird, crouching like this...”

“...Yeah. Maybe. Uh... There’re two things. The first is about what happened during the day...” Shihoru stopped, as if it was hard to talk about. “It might not be my place to say this... but, you know, it’s just... really been bothering me...”

“...Sure,” Haruhiro said. “I’ll hear you out. Talk to me.”

“Haruhiro... You don’t value yourself enough, I think.”

“Do... I? Huh? Is that how it looks?”

“It does,” Shihoru told him. “If it came to it, you’d try to sacrifice yourself... right?”

“Maybe? Hmm. I don’t plan on it, though... You know?”

“I wish you’d stop that.” Shihoru looked downwards, her shoulders trembling. “I’m sorry, I don’t know if I should even be saying this... but it reminds me of Manato. I don’t want you... to die on us.”

“...Yeah.” Haruhiro rubbed his forehead. “Well, I don’t want to die, either. I mean it.”

“Then... take better care of yourself, please.”

“It’s not that I don’t value myself...” Haruhiro pinched the inner corners of his eyes. He needed to press down on them pretty hard. That was how he felt. “I probably just value everyone else more. I mean, without you guys, I couldn’t do anything. Like, the motivation to go on living? I don’t think I could find that. So, if, for instance, I had to choose between you or me, I’d probably choose to help you survive. It’s not that I’d mean to do it. It’d be just instinctual, I think. A snap decision.”

“If only one of us could survive... Haruhiro-kun, I’d rather it be you.”

“It’s a real dilemma, huh,” Haruhiro said.

“What if it was between you and Ranta-kun? Which would you choose?”

“Ranta,” Haruhiro answered without hesitating, then was taken aback by it. “...Whoa. Seriously? This is Ranta we’re talking about. I don’t know that I like this...”

“...I’m glad.”

“Huh? F-For what?”

“That you’re... our leader,” Shihoru said. “Our comrade. ...And friend.”

“...Yeah, you’re making me want to dive into the moat right now.”

Shihoru laughed, so Haruhiro was able to laugh, too. He was glad that Shihoru was his comrade, and his friend. He felt that way from the bottom of his heart.

“So, what was the other thing?” Haruhiro asked.

“The second thing was...” Shihoru closed her eyes, placed her hand over her chest, and took a deep breath. What was she trying to do? Shihoru was trying to do something. He could tell that much, at least.

The air was tense. Haruhiro held his breath and waited.

Shihoru opened her eyes. “Elementals... come...”

“Whoa!” Haruhiro fell back on his rump in surprise.

Right in front of Shihoru’s face, the was a whirling vortex of some sort. It was small. He wouldn’t have called it pea-sized, but it was thumb-sized. It didn’t have anything he’d call a concrete shape or form. There was a whirling vortex there, so he knew something had to be there.

Shihoru reached out with her right hand. She let it sit there in her palm.

“Float,” Shihoru ordered, and it floated. “Fall,” she said, and it descended back into her palm.

Shihoru repeated that raising and lowering process a number of times, with a degree of focus that would’ve been noticeably bizarre, even at a glance.

It wouldn’t have been an exaggeration to call her possessed. Shihoru was grinding her teeth. Her eyes were unblinking. Her hair swayed restlessly. As he watched her, Haruhiro got goosebumps.

“...Release,” Shihoru said, forcing the word out.

The thing suddenly let out strange noises and began to change. Like it was being pushed open from inside—it came out. This dark purple thing that was somewhere between a light and a haze appeared. No, it was struggling to appear.

It was trying to be born. That was what it looked like. That was because, depending entirely on how you looked at it, it was star-shaped, or human-shaped even, and it looked like it was kicking and struggling with both its legs and both its arms. But then it suddenly ran out of strength... and disappeared with a poof.

“...No good.” Shihoru slumped her shoulders in disappointment. “I’ve tried it a number of times, but... I just can’t get it to work.”

“To work? What—” Haruhiro rubbed his throat. He’d tried to swallow, but his mouth was dry. “...What did you do? Shihoru... Was that magic? No, but there was no chant... You didn’t draw elemental sigils, either...”

“What Gogh-san said... Do you remember it? He said, ‘We set loose an elemental, then activated an alternate power. They won’t teach you this stuff at the guild’...”

“Ohh,” Haruhiro said. “...Vaguely, but yeah.”

“I’ve been thinking about that ever since,” Shihoru said. “In the guild, we learn there are elementals in the world, magical creatures you can’t normally see with your eyes. You could say that what I learned to do there was to tame those elementals, and to use magic by subordinating them to my will.”

“Honestly, I doubt I really understand, but go on.”

“For a while now, there’s one thing I’ve had my doubts about.”

“Err, what’s that?”

“Even in sweltering hot weather, you can call ice elementals and use Kanon ice magic,” said Shihoru. “Even in the middle of the day, there’s no effect on your ability to use Darsh shadow magic.”

“So, elementals are just elementals, and the real—the material world? The heat in it? And, like, light, and shadows, and stuff, too? They don’t interact directly with that... Is that it? Sort of?”

“But, the thing is, with magic you can freeze things, make them explode, and more,” said Shihoru. “So, I wondered if it’s not that they don’t interact at all... maybe. I was thinking that was strange.”

“Uh, sorry? I’m not confident I can keep up with this, but—So, what you just did, it wasn’t magic... Is that it?”

“I tried working under the theory that elementals are just elementals,” said Shihoru. “Arve, Kanon, Falz, Darsh... I thought maybe those were just something humans came up with on their own, and not the true form of the elementals. That was closer to the sense I had of them, too.”

“Magic they won’t teach you at the guild, huh...”

“I want to get better at using magic,” Shihoru said. “Everyone’s always protecting me, so I want to be able to lend them my strength.”

“No, you already are strong, you know that?”

“...Not enough, I think. But, I mean, there’s no guild in this place, right?”

“Yeah... no,” Haruhiro said. “Not a chance.”

“If I can’t gain new spells... new powers without being taught... I can’t change. So... I wanted to do something about it by myself.”

You’re amazing. It was the one thing Haruhiro could think of to say. Shihoru was truly amazing. Haruhiro was moved.

If Barbara-sensei’s not here, I’ll have to come up with something new on my own.

Had there been even a single time he had thought that? It had never even crossed his mind.

“But...” Shihoru hung her head, frowning. “There’s a thing about it that worries me. It makes me feel uncomfortable, you could say. In a way, this is like... rejecting how I’ve used magic up until now. I think it might have an effect on the magic I’ve learned from the guild, too.”

“Um, so... You’re undecided on whether to keep pushing ahead with it... is that it?”

“...Right.”

“It’ll be fine,” he assured her.

I mean, not that I’d know, but still...

Haruhiro was no mage. Even if he were, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to tell her anything definite. It might be irresponsible to reassure her so easily. Still, he wanted to nudge her forward, you know? He wanted to support Shihoru, who was working so hard. He thought he ought to, and it wasn’t as if he couldn’t help.

“Listen, if anything goes wrong, I’ll be there to step in and back you up,” said Haruhiro. “We all will be. It’s gonna be fine. I mean, having a goal can help motivate you. I’m sure that probably plays into it, too. I mean, this would be your own original magic, right? I wanna see it. Yeah, I’m sure it would be good for the party, too.”

“...Thanks.”

“No, no, no. I should thank you. I’ve got my energy back now. I don’t know about magic, but from here on, if anything comes up, let’s talk about it, okay? If you’re okay with talking to me, I’ll be all ears.”

“Yeah,” Shihoru said. “I’ll do that.”

“You will? Magic they won’t teach you at the guild, huh? I’ll bet it’s not limited to magic. I’ll do some thinking myself, too.”

“You’re a good leader,” Shihoru said.

“Huh?”

“You are, Haruhiro-kun.” Shihoru gave him an uncharacteristic grin. “You’re the best leader we could ask for... you know that?”

“...Heh heh.” Haruhiro couldn’t help but grin, so he covered the bottom half of his face with one hand. “C-Cut that out, would you? You’re gonna give me the wrong impression.”

“That wouldn’t happen... right? Not with you, Haruhiro-kun.”

“You think? I dunno... I’m trying to keep it from happening. I’m being careful about that, honestly. Like, there are times I get carried away. Because it’s scary.”

“That’s why we’re able to trust you.”

“Are you trying to compliment me to death?” Haruhiro asked. “It feels like it, you know? You’re making me feel ticklish...”

“Sorry.” Shihoru looked to the moat, taking a short breath. “It’s just... I wanted to tell you what I was thinking. I have to convey things as much as I can. I don’t want... to be left with regrets again.”

Haruhiro suddenly found himself unable to speak. He wanted to agree with her, so he nodded.

Side-by-side at the edge of the moat, for a short while, they crouched there together in silence.

It’s kind of mysterious, he thought. This silence isn’t awkward at all. That’s because it’s Shihoru, huh. If I was with Merry, it might not go like this.

That was when it happened.

“Haruhiro-kun... do you like Merry?”

“Huhh...?!” He pitched forward, nearly falling into the moat.

After that, obviously, Haruhiro desperately denied her suspicions. It turned out that Shihoru didn’t have much reason to believe he did, and she seemed to accept it when he told her he didn’t, but Haruhiro was going to have to be careful not to do anything that would invite misunderstandings in the future.

A misunderstanding? he thought. Was it really? I wonder...