Grimgal of Ashes and Illusion - Volume 9 - Chapter 9

9. That’s What I Decided

She woke up.

Tsuga, the priest with the buzz cut, was crouching down right next to her, stroking his chin.

When Tsuga had suggested, Why not rest a bit? it had occurred to her that if she pushed herself too hard, she might actually end up causing more trouble for him, so she had laid down, and then immediately fallen asleep.

That had been closer to dawn than to midnight. It wasn’t noon yet. It was probably early in the morning. She hadn’t gotten much in the way of sleep, but had he seen her face while she was sleeping? That embarrassed her, and Shihoru looked away, pulling on her bangs as she got up.

“Um... Just now, did you hear something?”

“Yeah. I did hear it.”

“Any idea what that sound that might be...?”

“Nope, not the foggiest,” said Tsuga. “Sounded like some sort of creature, though.”

“I thought it sounded awfully loud...?”

“But it was pretty far away.”

“Do you think it’s okay?”

“I wonder.” Tsuga cocked his head to the side and let out a short yawn. “I’m not that good at living in the wild.”

“...Huh? But you’re a volunteer soldier.”

“Yeah, but only because I have to be. Because of the people I associate with, you could say. If it were just me on my own, I wouldn’t be doing this. If I hadn’t happened to enlist at the same time as Rock, and we hadn’t paired up, I’d probably have long since given up on it. When Rock’s around, it’s never boring, and I’d say the reason I’m continuing is because I don’t get bored.”

“That’s your motivation, or rather... your reason. I see.”

“Well, yeah.” Tsuga searched through his pack which was at his side. “How about you?”

“For me...” Shihoru hugged her staff tight. “This was the only thing I could do. I can’t imagine there were any other options. So, basically, it just sort of worked out like this. I went with the flow, and it took me to where I am today.”

“Still, if I had quit, who knows?” Tsuga shrugged. “There are guys like that occasionally. One took up a trade; another started a business in the free city of Vele. There was a guy who went to the mainland of the Kingdom of Arabakia, too. Wonder what he’s doing now. Did he make it there?”

“...You know a lot of people.”

“Because we’ve been all over the place. Well, it’s Rock, you know. Because of the kind of guy he is... what is it, a person’s vibe? Not many people’s match his. If they don’t feel right, Rock’s quick to give up on them. I’m not picky, so I get along fairly well with anyone I’ve worked with, even if it was just once, and any time I meet them, I’ll talk about what they’re doing, or what they’ve done.”

“...I see.”

This person was a competent priest. But he really was normal. So normal that it made him weird for a volunteer soldier.

There were apparently volunteer soldiers who only worked alone. Some like Lala and Nono only worked in pairs, too. That said, the vast majority of volunteer soldiers formed parties of five or six, so it was a hard life for those who couldn’t work in groups.

Working in a party was similar to working in a group like, for instance, a military unit, but also different. If tens, hundreds, or more people were going to act or fight together, there needed to be a certain amount of discipline maintained. Frivolity, incaution, rashness—those were all things that could disrupt that order. The way Shihoru saw it, if the commander was logical, intelligent, and bold, the soldier only needed to be loyal and able to endure.

The commander gave the right orders, and the soldiers followed them. That was all they had to do. In fact, that was optimal.

In the case of volunteer soldiers, that wasn’t necessarily true. There was a certain level of basic cooperation and sociability needed to keep the party intact, but after that, the individual members’ individual personalities and abilities did the talking. The volunteer soldiers had to adapt to many different environments, and had to be able to deal with every situation imaginable. Many of the most capable volunteer soldiers wouldn’t make for good soldiers of the more traditional variety.

Even a poor volunteer soldier like Shihoru was confronted with situations where she had to make her own decisions and overcome them with her own power. Without realizing it, she had picked up the habit of thinking things through for herself, in case the worst should happen. If she couldn’t, she might die. Or let one of her comrades die instead.

This was something she had felt for a long time now, but volunteer soldiers tended to be very unique. It might be that the really unique ones were more likely to survive. But was that really all there was to it? Didn’t living as a volunteer soldier draw out those quirks?

When she thought about it, her days as a volunteer solider had been absurd. Losing those she cared about, nearly dying herself, seeing nothing but unfamiliar things, and going to places she didn’t know. It had been frightening, but also fun.

There might have been more days than not when she’d thought she might not live to see the next one. It wasn’t like she’d been in constant fear of death. But though she wasn’t ready to die, death was around her at all times. She didn’t want to have regrets. The one thing she didn’t want was to meet her end feeling regret.

Everyone else must feel the same. Because they could never know when their lives might end, they wanted to kill as little of themselves as they could while they were alive, at least.

There were times when patience was necessary. But they didn’t want to spend all their time restraining themselves. Wouldn’t that just feel stupid?

They were alive. Because, unlike those who had died, they were still alive.

I want to live true to myself, until the day I die.

That was probably why the volunteer soldiers tended to go their own way. They charged down their own paths with the limited time they had.

But it was strange.

Even if Shihoru weren’t a volunteer soldier, even if she were working in a cafeteria in Alterna, the truth was, nothing would change. Even if she didn’t go outside, she might be killed when the orcs raided, or she might get caught in an accident and die in a way she never expected. She might come down with an incurable disease. In the end, death would come, and her life would be over.

Even if she was doing dangerous things on a daily basis, that didn’t necessarily mean she would die early, and some who tried to live as safely and quietly as possible still didn’t live long lives. Even so, if she had lived normally, this thought likely would never have occurred to Shihoru.

If I don’t live true to myself, even if it’s just for a day or two, that would be such a waste.

Even if Tsuga lived an ordinary life, not as a volunteer soldier, maybe he wouldn’t change all that much. That was kind of how Shihoru felt.

Maybe that was really weird. Maybe Tsuga was actually not normal. There were people like this.

I... need to find who I am.

She wanted to be true to herself. But what did that mean? When she thought about it, there was nothing that she could say represented her. She was still inexperienced, as a volunteer soldier and as a person.

Could she mature?

Would she be able to live that long?

Shihoru shuddered and gulped. “...Tsuga-san!”

“Yeah.” Tsuga was taking it easy, holding his knees close, and looked nothing if not calm. That said, his face was turned up, and he was looking back and forth slowly. “Looks like something’s there.”

“Looks like...? Don’t you mean there definitely is?”

“Think it’s a bird?”

“...Those cries don’t sound like it.”

“Maybe it’s a real big bird.”

“Do you have any in mind?”

“Nope. But...” Tsuga rubbed his buzz cut hair. How did it feel? Shihoru was just a little interested. Tsuga’s attention seemed to be caught on something else. “...Now that I think about it, it’s not foggy today. This is kind of a first for us, since coming into Thousand Valley.”

“...I don’t think good weather is a bad thing.”

“That would be the normal way to feel, yeah. It’s just that, speaking from experience, unusual happenings tend to overlap with one another. What is it, I wonder? It’s like, the ground hardens after it rains, and that’s good, but when it rains in the desert, it turns into a massive storm. There’s lightning, and hail, and then it starts raining arrows and spears, too. I’ve been through a lot of things like that. Oh, there it is again...”

Far off, something cried out, Pigyahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

It was ominous, and it grated on the ears.

“Um...” Shihoru said.

“What?”

“I was just thinking... Is it safe for us to be sitting here?”

“I wonder. Honestly, I have no idea.”

“Tsuga...”

“Huh? Did I just get addressed without an honorific?”

“I think you must have imagined it...”

“I heard it, though.” Tsuga blinked, and looked around the area. “There it is again.”

Pigyahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

This was the quietest it had sounded yet. Did that mean it was farther away?

Shihoru sighed. It was too soon for relief, but at least the threat didn’t seem to be bearing down on them.

“Listen, I just wanted to say...” Tsuga got up and stretched. “I’m not taking this lightly, either. But just acting tense isn’t enough. If you relax, you’ll be able to respond better, and you’ll make fewer mistakes, too.”

“Relaxing... I might not be so good at that...”

“Yeah. I’m sure you’re not. Even when you were asleep, you were curled into a ball, after all.”

“Please, don’t just arbitrarily decide to watch me.”

“I was awake with nothing better to do.”

“Well... sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize over every little thing, you know?”

“...I won’t apologize anymore, then.”

“Okay,” said Tsuga. “I mean, I can see you’re being humble like that to try to avoid being blamed for things. That might be unconscious, though.”

“Th-That’s awfully blunt...”

“If you think something, you have to say it then, or you may never get the chance. Have you never felt like that before?”

Shihoru tried to respond, but she found herself unable to speak, and only a sigh escaped.

That was when it happened.

In an instant, it became dark.

A shadow. Something was passing overhead. It had to be that shadow. They heard the sound of it cutting through the wind, too.

Shihoru and Tsuga looked up at the same time. They were in a small, open space. The area around them was green with trees, grass, and moss. Green, green, green, as far as the eye could see. The sky was very clear. Not a cloud to be seen.

“Something flew by, just now, right?” she asked hesitantly.

“Probably, yeah.” Tsuga shouldered his pack, picking up the club that was beside him. “It seemed dangerous, so let’s scram. Think we can make it?”

He said that like it was someone else’s problem. Shihoru didn’t want to waste the time to call him on it, though, so she stood up vigorously. Tsuga seemed undecided on which direction to flee in. Shihoru couldn’t decide, either.

At a glance, there was nothing nearby that would give them cover against the sky. It didn’t seem they could do any better than hiding in the shadows of the trees. No, even that...

“Ah!” Shihoru clutched her staff and crouched down. If she didn’t, she’d be blown away. That, or mown down. She didn’t shut her eyes. Shihoru saw it.

Blue. It was a blue creature with wings. It had suddenly swooped down from the sky. Did that mean it was a bird? She didn’t know. But it felt like something else.

Big. It was massive. Were those feet? There were five hooked claws on the end of them. Those two hand-like feet were pointed their way as it came at them.

Tsuga held his club. “A dragon!” he shouted as he jumped in front of Shihoru.

A dragon. That was a type of dragon? Like the fire dragon in Darunggar? If so, they clearly stood no chance against it.

“Sto—”

“Hah!” Tsuga swung his club with both hands. Was he trying to hit the incoming winged, blue dragon?

His club probably hit the dragon’s feet somewhere. But it didn’t care. It grabbed Tsuga tightly in its right foot, and went past to the right of Shihoru. Shihoru nearly tripped, but she managed to steady herself somehow. When she turned around, the dragon had Tsuga pressed to the ground with its right foot, and was stretching its neck out to try and chomp on him.

“Ahh! Urgh!” Tsuga was struggling wildly. It hadn’t gotten him yet. He was alive.

“Dark!” Before she could think I want to save him, Shihoru had already summoned Dark the elemental. Even without orders, Dark took starfish form and flew towards the dragon.

No, she realized.

That wasn’t good enough.

A little impact wasn’t even going to shake that dragon.

“Spread out!”

Dark scattered into thousands of pieces. He diffused, enveloping the area around the dragon.

This was Dark in mist form. Dark Mist.

The dragon cried Pigyahhh! and raised its head, swinging it violently in all directions. That wasn’t going to be enough to shake off Dark. The dragon suddenly couldn’t see anything, and that had it badly confused. Hawks, eagles, and other such birds of prey searched for their prey from a high altitude, so they had very good eyesight. In exchange for that, they had to become reliant on it. This dragon probably was the same. The dragon was so confused, it accidentally loosened its grip on Tsuga. He escaped immediately.

The dragon cried, Pigyahhh, Pigyahhhhh, flapping its wings and wandering around in confusion.

Tsuga crawled and rolled away, and once he had some distance, it looked like he was healing himself with light magic. There were times when a heavily wounded priest couldn’t focus well enough to cast magic, and they couldn’t heal themselves as a result. Would Tsuga be okay? Even if it concerned her, she wouldn’t worry.

Shihoru focused on maintaining Dark Mist. How far could she spread Dark Mist? To what degree could she move him? Shihoru didn’t have a grasp of that yet.

No. This line of thinking was a mistake. It was up to Shihoru, but Dark could spread as far as she wanted. She could move him, too.

Don’t put limits on it, she told herself. They’ll turn into restrictions.

She started sweating.

Her vision was shaking.

Shihoru gritted her teeth. Not yet. She could keep going. If she started to think she couldn’t, at that moment, it would be over.

The dragon started running and flapping its wings. Did it plan to fly?

“Sorry!” Tsuga shouted.

The moment she heard Tsuga’s voice, she lost focus. Immediately after that, the dragon jumped up, and Dark Mist scattered and disappeared in an instant.

“We’re getting out of here!” Tsuga grabbed her arm, and pulled her along.

Shihoru stumbled, and fell into Tsuga. Tsuga was covered in blood, but his wounds all looked healed, and he lifted Shihoru up as he took off running.

“Well, doesn’t that just beat all? Never expected something like that...” he commented.

“S-So—” Shihoru was about to apologize, but then she caught herself and stopped short. “Th-That was dangerous, you know! You’re so reckless!”

“You should’ve made a break for it while I was getting eaten!”

“I-I couldn’t! I won’t do a thing like that...”

“Well, I’d hold it against you if you did, though.” Tsuga glanced overhead. “I’d kind of hoped, after that, it’d give up on us and let us go...”

Shihoru didn’t want to look up. But she had to see it for herself. No matter if it was frightening, and no matter if she really, really didn’t want to, she had to take these things on herself.

She didn’t want to leave it to others anymore.