Jinsei Reset Button - Chapter 1.6

Chapter 1: One Morning, After Opening My Eyes

Part 6

Jiriririririririri!

My alarm clock wasn’t a digital one; rather, it had a metallic bell chime and a round clock face, with two silver bells on top.

This alarm clock jolted my heart and brain awake.

As I lay on top of my bed, I could see the blue sky from the gaps between the curtains.

Blue as the sky was, I felt my mood cloud over, spirits plummeting.

I had an unpleasant dream.

Some weird girl had appeared, and replayed yesterday’s cringe-worthy events in black and white.

I couldn’t help but resist as hard as I could in front of that screen. However, it had continued to play.

Man, why did I have to think so much about something that I never want to remember again?

And because of that, my day started out terribly.

Strangely, though I usually one to savor the comfort of the futon just one more second, last night I was so unsettled that I had tossed and turned all night.

It’s today already…

Just as it dawned for everyone else, the day dawned for me. Even for someone like me who shit his pants in class…

The first order of business was to find an excuse to take the day off from school.

I mean, of course I would call in absent the day after shitting myself in class, but I needed some kind of official leave. If I went to school people would definitely call me the Pooman - well, they would call me the Pooman even if I didn’t attend, but being called that directly, seeing people snicker at me out of the corner of my eye, and having people look at me like I was some dirty object was something I couldn’t stand.

Well, that’s right.

I was something they couldn’t stand.

I, who was striving to be perfect, had become the pinnacle of imperfection, the Pooman. That was too paradoxical―one of them had to go.

Either the fact that I had shit my pants had to go, or the me who had shit my pants had to go…

While mulling over those thoughts, I flipped over onto my back and faced the ceiling.

I didn’t think about it too deeply, but at some point, I noticed a small box floating in the space between me and the ceiling.

The hexahedron rotated in midair, alternating between tilting and straightening itself.

I stared at the cube without touching it, almost forgetting to blink.

Hmmm.

Close your eyes. Count to 3. Open.

Still floating.

This time, count to 10.

Still floating, rotating.

I remembered. The dream that I had had last night reconstructed itself in my head. It was all real. In that monochrome-dyed world, I had received a button from a girl named Maki-chan. Oh yeah, didn’t she tell me to yell out my wish? And that my life would go as I pleased.

―Will you wish? Or will you not?

she’d asked.

And I had answered.

I’ll make a wish!

I want to redo it all!

As if trying to grasp my vividly recalled memories, I reached out with both my hands to capture the object before me. The instant my fingertips brushed against the box, it dropped onto the bed. Reflexively, I made to catch it, only to lose my balance and tumble from the bed.

I crawled toward the bed and took the box in my hand.

It was a small enough to fit in my palm. It felt too dense to be plastic, too light to be metal.

―Will you wish? Or will you not?

The words “Go ask her what to do” echoed in my head. Do you have something you wish for? Or do you not?

I wrapped my hands around the box, and thought of my wish. As the wish formed clearly in my head, I could feel my hands getting warmer. I opened them up, and saw that the cube had changed its shape. The box part was somewhat thinner, there there was now a red button on the top. It was probably―no, definitely―the button.

If I push this button―

If I…

Hm?

Did Maki-chan even say what would happen if I pressed the button? Wait, wait. Did I even ask how to use it?

Ah, but at that time she had said,

“Yell out your wish, Yuuto.”

My wish? The thing I had wished for back then?

Maki-chan!

I called out to her silently. You know, since it was morning and all, and if my parents heard me they’d certainly think of it as weird…

I didn’t feel even a hint of a response that time, so I called again, softly, out loud.

“Maki-chan…”

No reply. Was she ignoring me?

“Maki-chan!”

What the hell’s with that, just leaving a button and disappearing, and not showing up when I call for her in my time of need? Besides that, where’s my user’s manual? What about my customer service?

I’ll press it and see what happens…

Now this was the most intuitive interface I’d ever seen. When faced with a small round button rising from its base, the most basic human reflex is to press it. I don’t have the stats to back it up, but I’m sure it’s true.

On the other hand, what if it were a self-destruct switch? That would certainly be a troublesome way to grant my wish for myself to disappear. I wonder if it would start blaring sirens and a countdown if I were to press it.

Maki-chan had asked me, “Do you have a strong wish?”

―You could redo your life.

Is that true, I wondered.

Could people’s strong wishes be granted simply at the push of a button?

I mean, with humans, even when there is absolutely nothing they can do, even when their lives are screwed up beyond possible repair, the fact there there is no such thing as a button that can reset your life is a given.

Of course, if this were indeed that sort of button, I would not hesitate in the slightest. After all, I was already screwed up beyond repair; whatever happened to me now, there was no way I could fall further than I already had…

I placed my finger on the button.

―Do you have a strong wish?

I have it right here.

―Your life will go as you please.

I certainly hope so.

―Switching out Yuuto’s memories.

I had been making a fool of myself, trapping myself in the past. Better to face forward―to live facing no direction but forward.

For my future.

For the sake of my perfect and tidy future, I would use this button.

What exactly would happen when I pushed it?

There was only one way to find out―

Boom!

I had the feeling that I was blurry. Like I had been in an earthquake…no, like that time I watched a 3D movie without the glasses…

Another big wave shook me. It really was an earthquake!

I lay down on my stomach. My surroundings continued to shake. Everything was unstable. I had no idea what was going on.

I looked for a place where the bookshelves wouldn’t fall on me. Was the the bed safe? As I looked up, I became aware of a feeling of discomfort, if I could even call it that.

My room itself was shaking. In the way that my bookshelves had no chance of falling. There was no possibility that the bed would slide, or that the things on my desk would go flying. My room, and everything inside of it, wavered back and forth. Except for me.

The room started rumbling.

Gradually the oscillations became stronger, and as they did, I was thrown off balance.

What is this? ―Time and space itself…?

The foundation of the room disappeared, and I was promptly flung out from “reality”.

A blinding light surrounded all the matter that had been there before, which then dissolved into grains of light moving farther and farther from me. The light rotated once around me, and reverted to its former state. it was like being told “farewell” and “welcome back” at the same time. I felt both unease and relief. And then unease again.

Where did I come from?

Where should I look to?

Everything was flowing by. ―Flowing away.

I had been whisked away from my reality, and would probably land in a new one soon.

There were still no shadows. That proved that I still hadn’t actually landed anywhere yet. I was not yet a resident of this reality.

The world continued to waver. It still wasn’t “definite”.

While I mulled over the situation, Maki-chan’s voice resounded far above me.

―That button has the power to reset your life. Wonderful, is it not?

Eh?

―So, this is the start of a perfect New Game.

With this one step forward, the world would be defined. A new world to start a new game.

―Something like that.

My heart was firm.

The wavering stopped abruptly, and then―

◆

Jiriririririririri!

My alarm clock wasn’t a digital one; rather, it had a metallic bell chime and a round clock face, with two silver bells on top.

This alarm clock jolted my heart and brain awake.

Seconds later, I was struck with intense vertigo. Though I knew that I had just now been lying down asleep, an inability to distinguish vertical from horizontal washed over me and receded, like a wave.

At that moment, my head cleared, and I was slowly filled with a sense of discomfort.

―Right. I had pushed the button.

I leapt from the bed and checked my clock and calendar. It was class observation day.

Did I…go back in time?

No, perhaps I had unconsciously changed the date on the clock and calendar.

I plugged the charger into the wireless notebook on my desk and opened up a news site. The date was the same.

I had returned to the morning of that day!

It all felt very unreal. Aside from the date on the calendar, it felt like any other morning.

But the fact of the matter was that I had gone back in time.

Was it because of that wish of mine? Maki-chan had told me that she would switch out my memories and all that, but it didn’t seem like I had forgotten anything or that there was anything wrong with my head at all.

Well, that was no difficult matter to ascertain.

I changed clothes and went down to the kitchen for breakfast. My mom was there,

“I’m going today.”

Hearing these words for the second time made me set aside my disbelief. If this were merely an elaborate ruse planned by everyone to trick me, then well, I had no choice but to wish to redo that horrific day again.

Still, even as I went to school, and sat in class, I was torn between acceptance and doubt, until, at lunchtime―

“Hashidate, c’mere.”

A group huddled in the corner by the window called me over.

Ah, here it is. This is where it all started.

I gave a reply and moved toward the window.

“Try drinking this, it’s really gross.”
“No thanks.”
“C’mon, just one little sip.”
“Nope.”

I snatched the bottle from my friend’s hand and chucked it out the window. I could hear what sounded like a teacher’s angry voice from down below, and people ducking for cover.

Not my problem.

And with that, I had thrown away the starting point of that horrible day. Thanks to that reset button.

I went back to my seat and began preparations for math class.

“Hashidate, lend me your notebook,”

demanded my friend, and grabbed my notebook. I thought, I have questions to prepare for, so even though it’s a bother, I’ll deny you coldly so you know who’s in charge here. Before I could, he said,

“Sorry, but I’ll be borrowing this.”

and went back to his seat.

Lunch ended, and class began. At the next break, I went to retrieve my notebook, but the culprit was nowhere to be found. I secretly riffled through his desk, but it wasn’t there either.

Class started.

When my math teacher entered the classroom, my parents, who’d been waiting in the hallway, came in.

“For the next problem…Hashidate-kun.”

I have no notebook!

Just as I decided, there’s nothing I can do about it, so I’ll just think on the spot, I noticed something important.

“Oh, that’s right!”

“What’s the matter, Hashidate?”

Ignoring the suspicious look the teacher was giving me, I took the button from my bag.

Simple, isn’t it. I should just reset.

If I mess up just a little, all I have to do is redo it.

―I want to go back to lunch break!

I wished in my head, and pressed the reset button.

I arrived once again at lunch break.

Clutching the notebook I took from my desk, I dashed off to the restroom.

I’ll just stay here until the bell rings. And study while I’m at it.

I went back to the classroom when the bell rang, went through fifth period again, and came back at lunch to hide in the restroom.

When I heard the bell ring, I headed back to the classroom. My math teaher was already there, and my parents were lining up at the back entrace.

“What’s the matter, Hashidate?”
“Sorry, I went to the restroom for a bit.”
“With your notebook, I see. Splendid. I’ll have to let you answer the first question.”

I opened up my notebook, and went up to the blackboard to answer the question. I’d studied, so it was just a matter of transcribing the answer.

“I’m finished.”
“Correct, well done.”

Clear.

I had cleared the New Game that Maki-chan had set up for me.

Was that how it was. Fail, and redo. Redo over and over again, until I get it right, and continue. Within the endless possibilities, just pick the success story. I could get on the path of a perfect life, one like my brother’s. I had the means to do it.

With this “Life Reset Button” in hand, I might as well be invincible.

◆

Sugita Natsuki was the one girl who had been my classmate all the way from elementary school until now. Depending on how you saw it, you could call her my childhood friend.

In my childhood days, it wasn’t uncommon for boys and girls to play together, but even with that in mind, she was special to me.

When we entered middle school, though we were in the same classes, we started drifting apart. Girls had friend groups with only girls; there was no longer space for me in her life.

This was also when the boys started to see their female classmates as members of the opposite sex, so at outdoor education class, we talked about who was cute, who had the biggest breasts, and so on.

“As for me, well, Sugita’s my type of girl,”

I remember someone saying.

She had been pretty popular with the boys. I mean, she wasn’t the absolute most gorgeous girl in our grade, but from what I saw, things were going pretty well for her. In terms of how much she stood out among the others, I’d say she was about the second most noticed. Furthermore, as the leader of her group of girl friends, a lot of people went to her for advice.

I think that ever since I acquired the Life Reset Button, I had become a lot more confident. That came as no surprise. If I failed, I could just reset. Even if I encountered an unfavorable situation, I could act with confidence, prepared to reset at a moment’s notice.

After seeing others repeat their own mistakes, the thought that I, too, once repeated mistakes, made my skin crawl. I had had my share of failures up till now, but I could reset whenever I wished. In terms of just the end results, I had become someone whose life was devoid of failure.

That was where I differed from everyone else.

Take for example, Sugita Natsuki, who was standing in English class at this moment, holding a printout in her exhausted hands.

She was reading aloud, tripping over her words; unusual, for a girl whose English was normally impeccable. It was completely understandable, though, given that she had just received the printout, not to mention that it included a huge amount of new vocabulary. If only she had read ahead in the textbook beforehand, she wouldn’t have to stumble over the vocab now.

Upon seeing her falteringly read the English aloud, and then falteringly translate it into Japanese, I let out a sigh.

There was no choice.

Sugita Natsuki was special.

I reached into my bag stealthily, so as not to be seen by the others, and groped for the button.

―Reset. The world wavered.

I returned to last night.

At first I thought about calling Natsuki’s house, but I didn’t want to make too big a deal of it. I probably had Natsuki’s number in my phone. Last year, at outdoor education, I was in the same group as her, and when we went mountain hiking the whole group had exchanged contact info in case anyone ran into a bad situation.

Texting was a safe bet.

“It’s me, Hashidate. I have a feeling that English is going to be pretty challenging tomorrow, so I think it would be best to practice up to a few pages ahead.”

A plain message, but it would do.

The reply came immediately.

“Wait, how can you tell? Not to mention, why do you have my number?” 
“Don’t you remember, everyone exchanged numbers at outdoor ed last year.”
“Oh yeah, huh. In case of emergencies, wasn’t it.”
“Not like there was any need.”
“Sure wasn’t. We’re off track! Back to talking about tomorrow’s English class! How do you know? Did you hear it in the staff room?”
“I feel like…the teacher will make us read from a printout instead of the textbook”
“That it, huh? Maybe he will…but why did you have to text me about it?”
“I feel like he’ll call on you”
“Why”
“You’re the call-on-able type”
“How rude”
“I was kidding”
“You’re interesting”
“Am not”
“That was a compliment. And you’re calmer than you used to be”

Calmer, huh.

“I can’t deny it.”
“See, the way you replied just now was interesting too. Anyway, thanks, good night”
“Okay”

She ended it by saying “good night”. Geez, this girl. 
…nah, she had always seemed to me like the type who would do that.

Sugita Natsuki had never made a show of the fact that she was someone the class revolved around. She always talked normally with boys.

Anyway, there was nothing more I could do to help her here. In order to exert any influence outside of my own direct actions, I would need more time.

I closed my cellphone and drifted off to sleep.

The next day in English class, as I predicted, Natsuki was selected. I wondered if she had come prepared. Sure enough, she gave us a splended reading of the material, with perfect pronunciation on even the most difficult vocabulary.

The class, surprised at the unexpected printout given to us, was even more surprised at the fluidity with which Natsuki read the passage.

Except for me.

At lunch, Natsuki came up to me.

“Your prediction came true, huh.”
“Hm. Not a prediction, per se.”
“There it is again, that composed attitude!”
“Can’t deny it.”

We both laughed. I was relieved to see that I was comfortable enough talking with Natsuki for us to laugh like fools together.

From that day on, the friendship between Natsuki and I became closer and closer.

“Hey, Hashidate,”

asked Natsuki one day. Since we had known each other since elementary school, and lived near each other, we would ocassionally walk home together.

“Where are you going to high school?”
“Kurihara East High School.”

I answered without a second’s hesitation. Normally, with a school so hard to get into, I wouldn’t be sure if I would be able to get in at all, but here I could just use the reset button until I got accepted.

“That’s impressive. I still haven’t decided. The teacher told me that based on my grades, I’d be a good fit for Karima High.”
“That’s pretty impressive too.”
“Don’t give me that ‘pretty’ impressive crap.”
“My bad.”
“What should I do? Ah, it’s so hard to choose between schools…”
“You can say that again.”

I pretended to ponder for a moment, then spoke up.

“I think it’s fine to choose based on where your friends are going. After all, studying with your best friends is the most fun.”
“Yeah.”
“Furthermore, the entrance exams for high schools are all different, so it’s probably a good idea study for exams with people aiming for the same school as you are.”
“Ah, then maybe I should try for Kurihara East?”
“Eh?”
“Hm?”

I’d said “best friends”, right? Then…does it? Does it mean that to Natsuki, I hold a special position as one of her best friends?

Is that it? Is that true?

How good of a friend is a “best” friend?

Maybe so good of a friend that, with the impetus of trying to get into the same high school together, she wanted for us to get closer?

My heartbeat quickened.

What should I do, what should I do. This is the first time I’ve felt like this.

Reset? ―No, that would be bad. Really bad.

No choice but to continue. No resetting.

We walked on in silence.

Her pace was slower than mine, so I consciously slowed my own to match hers. The scraping of my shoes against asphalt rang out intermittently. Perhaps because they could sense the intentions of humans, the sparrows on the telephone wires above all flew off as a flock.

It was Natsuki who broke the silence.

“Wanna study together?”
“…sure.”
“Thanks.”

I thought, the rest of my middle school days are gonna be bliss.

◆

Turns out, with the reset button’s help, my middle school days really were full of bliss.

Not long after acquiring the button, I had taken it upon myself to find out as much about its capabilities as I could.

Firstly, although I had used it almost 100 times up to that point, the button seemed not to be counting the number of times I pressed it. At least, there wasn’t any markings of the sort on the box as far as I could tell, nor was there any sort of countdown-style noise emitted whenever I pressed the button. I was supposedly having my memories “switched out”, but I hadn’t seemed to have forgotten anything, and nor did I encounter any situations where I couldn’t recall something. Perhaps if there were such an effect, it occurred where I wouldn’t notice. Anyway, although it wasn’t like I freed myself of all reservations, recently I had been resetting without hesitation.

Still, I knew better than to go around resetting at random. Whenever I reset, I took into account the “law of cause and effect”―the law saying the all events have a cause. Even if I reset, if the cause remained unchanged, the effects would still occur.

For example, one time, I was hit by a soccer ball kicked by one of the players on the soccer team. His unapologetic manner made me seethe, but since I hadn’t dodged the ball, I was the uncool one here. So I reset, and settled myself elsewhere; however, the ball came flying by again. But I had punished that guy by stalling him in the hall beforehand and making him late to practice; furthermore, that time I managed to dodge the ball. It was all a pain in the ass, but that was what it took to dodge the law of cause and effect.

Whenever I reset, I had to understand how to make things go my way.

It was always best to have a goal clear in my mind. To go back to a certain point in my life, I had to wish for it strongly while pressing the button. Wishing so clearly and consciously took a bit of practice to get used to, but now I could return to any point in the past that I wanted to.

Whilst I made audacious resets, I kept those points where important decisions had been made. This was my strategy for a “perfect” life.

◆

And so, the high school entrance exams approached.

Because of the fact that I was always with Shuu, combined with the “Wanna study together?” from Natsuki, the three of use often studied for entrance exams together.

Shuu offered up his place, and since we had nowhere else to go, we took him up on it.

“Fujiyoshi, what about your parents?”

Shuu answered Natsuki’s inquiry curtly and readily.

“They don’t get along. Besides, my mother has work, and my father doesn’t come home often.”

He said it like it was no serious matter, so at the time Natsuki and I hadn’t noticed the gravity of the situation at hand, but when dinner time rolled around and still no one had come home, we felt kind of bad.

“Hey, shall I make dinner?”
“Wait, how about we go out for dinner somewhere?”
“Don’t bother, leave it to me.”

There were plenty of ingredients stocked up in the fridge, so from the looks of it, Shuu was used to cooking for himself. Natsuki took some out and quickly whipped up a meal for the three of us.

“I wish I could do that.”
“This way we really look like a family.”

Natsuki let out a laugh as she said that. Since I had known her for so long, I knew that she wasn’t one to neglect others in need.

As the three of us gathered around Natsuki’s creation and dug in, the conversation shifted to our future plans. Why we talked about such an immature subject, I don’t know, but I think the three of us there, in the home of the boy whose parents never came home, felt like we were somehow tied to the same fate.

Or perhaps, tied to the same future. The same life.

I spoke up:

“I have a big brother, and I want to be perfect like him.”
“It’s good to have a goal in mind,”

Shuu affirmed my aspirations concisely.

“Is your big brother really that perfect?”
“Yeah.”

I replied immediately, as it was obvious to me.

“More than being perfect, he surpasses everything. I have never seen him do wrong.”
“But Hashidate, unexpectedly, you do everything perfectly too.”

True. That’s only because I reset whenever I’m about to fail. Naturally, that was something I couldn’t disclose to Natsuki.

“Hey, Sugita, what do you want to do when you’re older?”
“I think I want to be a nursery school worker.”
“Oh, like a teacher in a nursery school?”
“Yup. Since I like working with kids, and besides, I can’t imagine myself ever working behind a desk at some big company.”
“But I think you would do well even in a corporate environment. Since you’re popular and all.”
“Nuh-uh. Oh, that’d be so nice, working at a small nursery school and taking care of little kids all day.”

I tried imagining her working in a nursery school. It was easy to picture her at a small nursery school, helping with little tasks and serving food in small pieces.

“I think Sugita would make the perfect nursery school worker.”

I knew “perfect nursery school worker” was kind of a weird thing to say, but it was true; I thought Natsuki’s dream was perfect for her.

“C’mon, don’t say that. But I’m really glad you think so,”

she laughed, while hitting my shoulder.

Shuu broke in:

“Hey, for studying, I think we should rotate between our homes. How ‘bout it?”

Natsuki, flustered, quickly refused, “No, I’ll have to pass.”

“Why?”
“It’s obvious. You’re guys, you can’t come into a girl’s room.”
“That can’t possibly be the only reason.”

It was a common excuse, so Shuu accepted it without question, but I, who had known her since grade school, knew the truth. Natsuki loved superheroes, and had mountains of those transforming action figures in her room.

Even in middle school, this fact probably hadn’t changed. So she would never invite classmates―especially male ones―into her room.

We discussed our aspirations late into the night, so Natsuki and I returned home long past curfew, and were scolded harshly by our parents.