[ They shouldn't be able to move an unconscious person very far without a car. Judging from that, the abandoned factory where I'm imprisoned in should be somewhere near the school. ]
As I pulled my blanket over myself and clasped my knees in my room, I received Inaba's 'Sentiment Transmission' again.
Based on it and the ones I received before, I came to know that Inaba was in danger.
In a situation like this, what would I do?
If I were the ideal me, I would make haste to save her.
If I were the awful me, I would stand back, with the mindset that someone else would save her.
If I were a normal person, I would call the police... No, that wouldn't do. I only had vague information, the police would most likely not do anything.
In that case, I could only ask people I knew for help. Ah, if it were me, perhaps I could get some privilege through Fujishima Maiko?
I came up with all kinds of possible action, yet I was unable to decide on which one to take.
In the end, my action was the same as what the worst me would take.
In other words, I was an awful person.
Worthless.
I knew I must confront it one way or another, yet I chose to run away in the end.
I couldn't help but wondered, why did it end up like this?
How would one live, that one would encounter something so absurd like this?
Enough already.
Stupid.
Everything was so stupid.
My life was just too bizarre.
My life was a bit unique compared with others' to begin with (even though I wouldn't call it a misfortune). As if it wasn't enough commitment for me already, I had this nonsensical entity, «Heartseed», coming out of nowhere before me.
My life was turned completely upside down.
Due to these 'abnormal' phenomena, my 'present' was changed drastically.
There is no way to undo the past, nor to return things to the way they were. That I agreed.
Which was why I tried to accept my past, and use them as my stepping stone forward, yet...
I was sucked into yet an even more abnormal world. How could I possibly make it out of this?
I hated it. I felt tired. I wanted to give up, wanted it to stop, wanted to stop trying, wanted everything to come to an end——
[ We'll save her! ] [ We must save her. ] [ We have to save her! ]
Taichi, Yui, and Aoki's 'Sentiment Transmission' came to me.
This was the first time where three among us triggered the phenomenon at the same time. Did this mean the three of them were carrying such powerful sentiment at the same time?
That feeling... It was so passionate that it felt mesmerizing. It felt bright, beautiful, and pure.
Receiving such an overwhelming amount of sentiments, for a moment, I thought they would gush out.
What an odd feeling, I mused.
I clasped myself tighter in order not to let these sentiments flow away.
In my blanket, in this darkness surrounding me, I felt I could see the light.
——We might have unknowingly expected too much from you, but if you were going to perfectly... splendidly answer to those expectations, and thus been overexerting yourself, you're just... being stupid, aren't you!?
We were under the influence of the 'Sentiment Transmission' phenomenon.
It's going to be tricky this time, I thought back when it began. I believed I had to overcome it flawlessly. Not to mention, during this phenomenon, the others would be able to see through my heart. Thinking that my depressing side, which was much different than the ideal me, would be exposed in front of them completely, I became afraid. And soon after, I lost my way completely.
——You... are just a dualist who had been dividing everything into 'can do it' and 'can't do it' categories!
I must make it perfect, I must succeed——I had always believed it that way. I could not afford to fail. I had already failed miserably before, so I had been forcing an 'Everything must be handled perfectly' outlook on myself, to the point where it became an obsession. I had been hanging on to a meaningless perfectionism, forcing myself to choose sides. Perhaps that was how I had been keeping up the display of my ideal self.
——Who the hell do you think you are? Why are you acting like some sort of main heroine, huh?
Inaba was right. How arrogant could I be? Saying that I lost sight of my real self, putting on a tragic look, and complaining that I couldn't stand these horrifying phenomena. After all, I was not the only one being tormented by «Heartseed». The other four from the CRC had suffered just as much as I had.
——Nobody cares how you want to do it or what you want to become okay? STUUUUUUUUUUUPID——————!!!
Ahh, I couldn't deny it at all. Why did I think I was being anticipated? In the end, I was merely expecting too much from myself, was I not? And when I overburdened myself, I snapped and took my anger upon the others. How irresponsible could I get?
So clumsy. I was clumsy. I was this clumsy, yet I set such a high ideal for myself.
In the end, I merely lacked confidence in my natural self. I lost track of myself. My perception of things became hazy, so I tagged everything with a value, drew lines between things, attempting to judge everything. Success or failure? Ideal or reality? Truth or lies?
——It's your own fucking life, live it however the hell you like——!!!
——Think about what's truly important to you!!!
I kept over thinking things. I kept stressing over meaningless things. I kept obsessing myself over doing things perfectly or not doing things at all, and had eventually lost sight of what was truly important to me.
In the end, I was the one beyond help.
However, even then, even if I was worthless, even if I was far from ideal...
——Even then, I still like Nagase Iori.
Even then, I was recognized.
I fueled myself with that feeling, and urged myself to confront my 'self'.
What had I done wrong? What had I mistaken?
Was my goal to play my perfect self?
No, not at all.
Whether I could play my 'self' perfectly was merely a result.
Of course, it would be nice if I could play it perfectly, but it couldn't possibly be my goal.
It was only simple.
I simply wanted to live according to my own will. That had always been the true goal of my life, was it not?
What did I want to do?
What did I want to become?
These were my goal, right?
Even should I fail, even should there be the potential to fail, if I didn't try to achieve what I desired, then what was the point of my life?
How did I not understand this before? What was I, stupid? I was stupid right? I was so freaking stupid! However, it no longer mattered.
Stop thinking, I prompted myself.
Then, what did I want to do?
Feel it.
Just feel it.
Before I realised it, I had already tossed my blanket aside.
I stood up.
The sunlight beamed onto through the window, embracing me in a pure, white world.
I squinted my eyes, allowing the pure, white world around me to return to its usual color.
My feet guided me to the door.
Aside from the clothes I was already wearing, I sprinted out of my house without taking anything.
I unlocked, and hopped on my bicycle that was parked at the parking lot.
Deducing the location with the information I'd received from 'Sentiment Transmission,' I raced my bike forward.
It no longer mattered.
Theory or common sense or lesson or truth or normal or abnormal or standpoint or ideal or whatever, no longer mattered.
I threw all those shackles away, exposing my raw, leafless self.
Simply following my feelings.
Nagase Iori would become Nagase Iori.
——Live more freely.
Ever since my fifth father, who had passed away from illness during the spring of my third year in middle school, had left those words to me, for the first time in my life I felt I had understood their meaning.
□■□■□
This wasn't going to work, my phone calls weren't going through at all. I pedaled my bike as quickly as I could. I had no choice, I had to find her myself.
The way I belted through the streets earned me a few strange looks from people around. I probably shouldn't be thinking this, but I felt exhilarated.
After a bit of exhaustive searching, I finally found what looked to be the abandoned factory I was looking for. There weren't many abandoned factories near the school, so I had a hunch that this would be the place.
I didn't bother to secure my bike. I hopped off and left it aside.
I wiped my sweat off my face and searched for a place where I could peep into the factory's interior.
And then, I managed to find one: There was a broken window high up on one of the walls, and under it were a few old lockers. I climbed on top of them and peeped through the window.
I could see someone moving in the right front of me. They were fairly near to where I was, thus I could see them clearly.
Bingo!
Inaba's hands and feet were tied up, her mouth was sealed with a strip of duct tape, and herself lying on the ground.
I couldn't help but to think "You gotta be kidding me, I've only ever seen this on TV and mangas." It was too shocking for me, it took me a bit of effort to adjust to this reality.
I peered around the area.
There were five nasty-looking men, as well as... Setouchi Kaoru.
Seeing that Setouchi was involved in this, I felt an unpleasant spike in my heart.
Setouchi had a dispute with me. However, it was hard to imagine that she had a dispute with Inaba as well. This could only mean that Inaba was implicated by me.
I stopped peeping through the window, and leaned my back against the wall.
Rather than feeling enraged, I felt disgusted. I wanted to throw up, I wanted to scream, but I covered my mouth and forced myself to hold it in.
This can't be, this can't be, this can't be, this can't be... I cried in the bottom of my heart.
What was happening? What was going on? I did not know, but it was all my fault. There was no doubt about it.
Tears began to flow.
The heat dissipated from my body, and my legs stiffened.
Why was I so easily shaken? I felt distasteful at myself.
As I finally managed to get myself breathing properly again, I heard sounds of conversation from inside the factory.
"...This is... going too far. This is no joking matter..."
Setouchi said. One of the men responded:
"What were we supposed to do? She's the one who came biting at us! Besides, weren't you the one who started this whole mess? You asked us to screw up their club presentation materials!"
Ah... Just as I thought. Setouchi was responsible for ravaging the club room. I was sure of it since the beginning.
"...That's because... everyone told me to do it... I couldn't help it..."
That and, Setouchi... she's indeed... No, that's not important right now.
"Don't pass the buck to the others!"
"Ah!"
Sounds of Setouchi screaming and things colliding came from the inside. I quickly peeped back through the window. Setouchi was lying on the ground.
"Oh dear, he just beat up a girl."
The other men jeered.
Judging from what I had seen so far, this did not seem to be planned, but rather an unexpected development. For a moment, I had this thought that these people did not kidnap Inaba to threaten her, hence it wasn't completely my fault. That fact that I was thinking of self-preservation even at this point disgusted me from the bottom of my gut. Anyway, since this was an unexpected development, plus the presence of someone who could lose control from anger, anything could happen from this point on.
What should I do?
They had five men, one girl... even though the girl, Setouchi, might not be much of a fighting asset.
But I had only myself: a weak, helpless girl.
I had no weapon, no strategy, nor I had a strong physique or courage.
What should I do? What could I do?
What should I do? My mind was blank. I could not think.
Suddenly, a loud, metallic bang that sounded like someone smashing through iron rang from the factory.
My heart jumped, and I reflexively retreated from the window.
Puff... puff... I gasped and clutched my chest. It's alright, calm down, they shouldn't have noticed me yet, I told myself. I peeped through the window into the interior again, and moved my eyes towards the factory entrance.
Then I saw them. Taichi, Yui, and Aoki, still in their uniform, were standing at the entrance.
They did not bring anything, all empty handed. They did not seem to have any plan either. They merely stood there boldly.
...As I was thinking that, Yui kicked at Taichi and said "You numbskull! Why did you charge right in without checking inside!?" She was really loud, even I could hear her from all the way outside.
The three's sudden intrusion surprised Inaba's kidnappers.
"Who the hell are you!?" "Who let you come in here!?"
Funny they complained when they themselves were trespassing as well. Setouchi, on the other hand, frantically retreated to the corner.
Even though they didn't seem to have a plan, Taichi and the others were not intimidated in the least, and took a firm step forward.
The three of them went to save Inaba, yet I was not there among them. If I went now... No, it was already too late for that. I could only watch from the side.
Perhaps they had realised that the intruders were just three high-schoolers, the five vicious-looking men quickly recovered their composure. One of them headed towards Taichi's group.
"Oi oi, we're busy here! You want a piece of me huh?" The man bellowed with a nasty voice, and...
He was sent through the air by Taichi and Aoki.
The two threw a punch with perfect synchrony, and seemed to have nailed him in the vital. The man collapsed on the floor.
I was in awe at their relentless demeanour.
Up until that point, I had never imagined Taichi or Aoki hitting someone.
This meant that they were very angry... Of course, this was only one of the reasons.
But more importantly, they both wanted to save Inaba.
Through 'Sentiment Transmission', I was able to tell how strong and pure their feelings were.
They did not consider any logic, nor did they consider any odds.
They merely followed their 'feelings', that they wanted to do it.
I clenched my fists.
I, too. I felt the same too. My feelings would not be any worse than theirs...
Yet... I could not bring myself into that space. I was deeply disappointed at my cowardice.
Perhaps they were as shocked as I was, the remaining four men stood dumbfounded. But soon, they roared "You bastard, look what you've done!" "You fuckers picking a fight!?" and approached Taichi's group with a furious look on their faces.
One of them picked up what seemed to be an iron bar——However, the outcome had already been decided.
Yui dived among her enemies.
Since I was watching from the high grounds, I was able to see Yui's moves clearly; but for those men, it was as though Yui was flash stepping.
Yui's chestnut-brown hair danced in the air.
The men collapsed one by one.
One down... Two down...
Yui's battle dance was so elegant, one couldn't help but to gasp in awe.
One of the men tried to dive at her, but missed. He then tried to attack her with the iron bar, but still missed.
Three down... Four down.
Before I realised it, Yui had already defeated four men.
Amazing.
Truly amazing.
The outcome was clear. There was no need to verify.
There was no room for me to take part in.
I was unable to be the lead character or the support character. I was merely an outsider.
Even without me, the Cultural Research Club could persist with just the four of them.
"They're gonna wake up soon, hurry."
Yui prompted Taichi and Aoki.
""T-That was awesome!""
"This isn't the time for that... Inaba!"
Yui headed towards the bound Inaba's side.
However, perhaps the battle was too one-sided... It had left an opening.
One of the men that Yui knocked out got up from the ground.
Ah——
If only I could shout and alert them, yet my throat refused to produce any sound. I had completely deteriorated into a bystander.
The man reached for his pocket.
"Eh?"
Yui noticed the man's movement, but she was one step too late.
The man rushed towards Inaba, who was still bound...
And put a knife against her neck.
He shrieked hysterically. He had completely lost it.
I caught a glimpse of Inaba's eyes, her pupils widened in fear.
"W—Wait, stop!" "It's dangerous!" "Put down the knife! Don't do anything stupid!"
Taichi and the others, terrorized, tried to reason with him, but the man had no intention of listening.
"Back off! If you make a move, there's no telling of what would happen!"
The man bellowed, his eyes emitted a dangerous glow.
"O-Okay... I understand, so calm down, okay?"
Taichi said with a softer voice than before in order not to provoke the man. Of course, Taichi and the others did not move.
My body quivered uncontrollably.
What was happening?
What was this scenario? Even if it was a prank by fate, it felt too far-fetched.
The situation was dire.
Right now, there was only one person who was free to act——the person whose name was Nagase Iori.
I was a bystander, but before I realised it, I had suddenly become the lead character and the only one who could save everyone.
If I were the ideal me, I would not hesitate and rush in to save them.
If I were the awful me, I would submit to cowardice and flee the scene.
If I were a normal person... would I call the police? But if the police came, would it further provoke the man?
Ahh, an idea suddenly came to me.
I could just do that!
If I were the ideal, strong-willed me, I should be able to do it.
It was a reckless idea that would appear extremely pretentious, and require a nerve of steel.
If I pulled it off, I would be able to save Inaba.
But... the current me, the me who had lost all confidence, the me who had given up everything, the weak me... Would I be able to do it?
Could I do it? Or could I not?
Would I be able to handle it perfectly? Or would I not?
——SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT!!!
I cursed myself with the foulest vulgarity I could think of.
That was not the point! I prompted myself. Think about what you want to do!
As long as 'I wish to do it,' then no matter how painful, how tired I was, or how likely I would fail, I would not give up. Even when I was completely covered in dirt and bruises, I would continue to march on forward!
There was no need to question myself about things like ideals, reality or normal.
What do I truly want to do?
The next moment, I jumped down from the lockers. I walked around and arrived at the entrance, and rushed in without hesitation.
"Who the heck is it this time!?"
The man shrieked, but I calmly approached him.
"Nagase!" "Iori~" "Iori-chan!"
Taichi, Yui, and Aoki called out my name. Inaba, her mouth sealed, also called out to me with her eyes.
"What, are you one of them fuckers too?"
"Ah... Uh..."
I just realised a serious problem.
It was all fine and dandy for me to dive headstrong into the fray in order to seek what was truly important as well as instigate my confidence, but I might have gone overboard... and messed up the procedure of my plan.
This is not funny. This has got to be the worst joke ever.
Even stupidity had standard! Even if I was trying to change my methods, this was overboard.
However, I could no longer retreat.
I remained as casual as possible, wearing a cold and jeering smile, and took the first chance to speak:
"Oh my... I was just thinking that, you look troubled, don't you?"
...Ugh, I've really screwed up the procedure. I really, really should have planned the script more carefully.
Everyone appeared puzzled. I couldn't blame them though.
"This doesn't look good for you. Want me to lend you a hand?"
I said to the man.
"Huh?"
"Well, you can stick your knife at her all day long, but what are you gonna do after that? You're still stuck in here, no?"
Send it out send it out send it out.
I conversed with the man while praying in my heart. Since I could no longer use the phone for this plan, there was only one way to do this. I could only bet on this uncertain factor. Ahhhh, why did it end up like this? It was so stupid.
"I'm saying, do you want me lend you a hand, and get you out of this?"
I skillfully adjusted the angle of my face relative to his view, leaving him a mysterious impression of me.
I believed I could manage.
Believed in my most hated yet favorite 'acting skill'.
"...Huh?"
My proposal seemed to have caught the man completely by surprise, startling him.
"...What's going on... Nagase?"
Taichi asked with a puzzled look on his face.
Taichi, don't feel so puzzled! Even though it was me who messed up the plan!
I moved my eyes around slightly. Setouchi was still shrinking at the corner. She was probably too confused to move, so I decided to leave her alone for now.
I lowered the pitch of my voice, and said in a unique tone:
"I've got a few scores against these guys, so I want to help you. The enemy of your enemy is your friend, why don't you think it that way?"
This man would surely like the idea of 'The enemy of your enemy is your friend.'
Its sharpness had been dulled lately, but my 'ability to see through what other people like,' told me that he would like those kind of lines.
"The enemy of my enemy is my friend... I see."
The man grinned.
He fell for it. He really believed it. Why is this becoming more and more like one of those delinquent mangas? Do they even work in reality? By the way can you stop trying to look cool with that knife? I couldn't help but to jab in the back of my head.
"Iori... What are you saying!?" Yui cried at me.
Yui, you don't need to fall for it! Even though it simply means my act was convincing enough to fool my friends.
I wanted to hint them with my eye... but the man was watching. I couldn't risk it.
Send it out send it out send it out send it out.
"Okay, what should we do then? Honestly, I don't want this to get any messier either. Speaking of which, those fellas on the ground, they should be getting up soon... Ah, that's right. Wake them up, will ye."
The man gave me an order. Under this development, I could not refuse him.
There's no time, hurry up and send it out. My 'acting skill' was successful, I just need one more step. After that it's all up to those who are much better than me.
"Iori-chan, what are you doing!?" Aoki seemed shocked as well.
"...Stop calling me like I'm your buddy okay?"
I responded with an extremely cold, rejecting attitude.
...No, stop it, don't look so sad at me like that.
I approached one of the man on the ground. There wasn't much time left, I was already next to the man.
Please! Let it trigger already, let it trigger, let it trigger, let it trigger...
...Goddammit it's not like you'd lose out just to let the phenomenon trigger this once «Heartseed»!!!
[ Now's the chance! Save Inaban! ]
Ahh, finally.
If I were to follow the proper procedure, I should have let them know this at the beginning. I finally managed to send the message out.
A 'Sentiment Transmission' that was transmitted to all four of the others.
Taichi, Yui, and Aoki's eyes changed.
Yes, that's the plan... but don't write it all on your face!
Now that my plan was conveyed to the others, I would only need to concentrate on gripping the man's attention.
If I was to use the position of the unconscious man and myself as the basis, Taichi's group were being locked at a little left of my front, and the man with the knife and Inaba were located at the wall deeper into the room. The three point rightly formed a triangle image.
The man with the knife had his attention on me, but he would be able to see any movement from Taichi's group from the corner of his view. There wasn't enough opening to disarm him yet. I needed to make him focus more attention on me.
What else could I do...
"Oi, hurry up."
The man seemed to be getting impatient. If I acted too slowly, I might raise suspicion.
I knelt and peeked at the unconscious man's face. He seemed to be waking up soon.
Anyway, let's give him a quick slap—— Ah!
An idea came to me.
Yes, this could work.
I would be going all out, but it wouldn't matter. I had to do it. It was the only way to achieve my objective.
I pushed my face towards the man's.
Slowly, and slowly. In order to get the knife-wielding man's interest, I moved slowly.
I aimed my lips at the coordinate where they would touch with the man's should I move further.
I moved slowly, steadily, dramatically. I could feel the other man's intense focus on me.
I lifted one side of my hair to my ears in an erotic posture.
...Are we there yet? Crap, no matter how slow I could try, if I keep this up I'm going to touch. Crap, don't tell me I'm going to be... giving my real first to... Crap, should I wait? Would he suspect me? Crap, I'm gonna——
"Hseee!!!"
"Guh!?"
I immediately pulled my face back far away from the man before me.
Yui kicked the other man's knife out of his hand, and threw another kick at his face, knocking him out.
Taichi swiftly picked up the knife, cut off the rope that was binding Inaba, and tore the duct tape off her mouth.
Such smooth movements! Amazing, they were strong, really strong indeed.
This was the Cultural Research Club of Yamaboshi High.
"Taichi!"
As soon as she regained freedom, Inaba embraced Taichi tightly. Although he was a little embarrassed, Taichi too happily embraced Inaba back. Seeing them embracing each other, I felt it was a very nice 'Happy End' scene. I thought they looked really nice together.
Thank goodness. It didn't end in tragedy, thank goodness.
The moment I thought that, a string in me, the string that had been holding my emotion together, suddenly snapped.
"Ahh... Uuuu..."
Tears began to stream from my eyes. I backed away from the unconscious man, and sank on the ground.
"...Enough already... I've had enough already! This is scary! I hate it I hate it I hate it! I'm so scared, scared, scared, scared!"
I began crying like a baby, giving up my ideal self, as well as the the feeling that drove me to meet expectations.
"I'm scared to death!"
After shamelessly confessing my feelings, I felt my heart a little lighter.
I showed such a pitiful side of myself, yet it felt unusually pleasant.
I sniffed, and wiped my tears.
Now that I thought about it, I had never said or acted irresponsibly ever since I was little; I had always been a polite, good girl. Could it be that I'd been pushing myself since then?
"Iori!"
Yui jumped at me.
She hugged me tightly. It felt really warm.
"I heard from Inaba... We've been unknowingly anticipating Iori to be an amazing person, and you've been pushing yourself to meet our anticipations. I'm really sorry!"
"You don't need to feel sorry, Yui. It was my decision to do it after all..."
"Even so, I'm sorry! And, and! I was lost when you asked me this before, but no matter what Iori becomes, I still love you! I really really love you! I know Iori isn't a bad person at all! And... Uh... Anyway, I love you love you love you love you very much~~"
Yui started cuddling her head on me.
"Mhm... Thank you. I love Yui too, but this... is too tight..."
I said, and stopped Yui from cuddling me. And then, Aoki said to me:
"Iori-chan! Er, how should I say it... Anyway, everything will be alright!"
Aoki said and gave me a thumbs up.
Sheesh.
This man would always understand what was truly important, and the true nature of things.
Suddenly, a sound of camera shutter came, and I turned my head around. Inaba was taking pictures of the area with her phone. What was she planning to do?
After a while, Inaba was done with taking pictures.
"Anyway, let's get out of here... You should come with us too, Setouchi."
Taichi said to the rest of us, as well as Setouchi, who was trembling in the corner.
□■□■□
Both I and Setouchi were not in our uniforms, so we couldn't head for the school. Therefore, we decided to look for a quiet place to talk instead. After a bit of walking, we managed to find ourselves an empty area along the river bank path. There was a bench and a fountain, and was a good spot to rest while strolling.
"Maybe we should head somewhere else further... Then again this is the opposite direction from the park, we should be fine, should we...?" Inaba murmured.
We began inquiring Setouchi for details, as we all wanted to know how it came to this. We let her sit on the bench, and the five of us from CRC surrounded her.
Inaba threatened her "You goddamn better come clean with us, you hear me!!!?" Though I thought even if Inaba didn't say that, Setouchi would most likely confess everything anyway. Setouchi seemed extremely exhausted. There were dark circles under her eyes. Her brown hair was completely disheveled.
I was mostly right about it.
Setouchi liked Shiroyama Shouto of class 1C and the Jazz Band. She was going to confess to him during Valentine's day, but couldn't pick up the courage to do it. Then she heard about my coldly rejecting Shiroyama's confession, and was extremely upset.
Combining with my provocation and my sudden change in attitude, she began to pick on me. And then there were those delinquent friends of hers fanning the flame to amuse themselves. Soon, Setouchi found herself no longer able to stop.
In the end, in order to provoke me, as well as for the Jazz Band... for Shiroyama, she asked those men to sabotage the CRC's club room.
"...I'm sorry."
As she had confessed everything, Setouchi apologized weakly. She contracted her body, as though she would fade any minute.
"Then, what are you gonna do?"
Inaba inquired me. It seemed she wanted to leave the decision to me..
I stood in front of Setouchi.
Truth to be told, I was in the wrong too. I didn't want to put all the blame on her.
However, even then, even if I was wrong, Setouchi had gone too far.
She picked on me solely because I rejected the guy she liked. She got the others who had nothing to do with this involved, Inaba was even beaten in the head for this. Not to mention, the materials for our club presentation were completely destroyed beyond restoration.
She did all these irresponsible things only because of anger and hatred.
Even if I disregard her victimizing of me, I still couldn't forgive her for involving the others.
I really wanted to unleash all my searing anger on her and make her regret everything she had done. I wanted to yell at her, swear at her, and burn the same amount of pain she had inflicted on us onto her soul——I had never felt this angry before.
The others were watching me from the side.
What should I do?
If I were the ideal me, would I say it couldn't be helped and generously forgive her?
If I were the awful me, would I vent all my anger directly at her?
If I were a normal person... If I were a normal person?
Inaba's words reechoed in my mind.
——Why do you have to pick sides!?
But, weren't things divided into 'normal' and 'not normal' to begin with?
——You think people are gonna be interested in observing you? Can you be any more narcissistic!?
But, if I weren't normal, wouldn't I attract attention?
——It's your own fucking life, live it however the hell you like——!!!
But, to be normal...
What was normal?
Ahh, finally... I finally... Crap, my eyes were all watery. Were these tears of joy? This could be one of the reasons. Was it because I realised how stupid I was for not noticing it all these times? This could be another reason.
I had been binding myself with meaningless standards.
Normal people would do this——I had been worrying myself over this all the time.
Which was why I had been dividing things into 'This is more ideal than normal' and 'This is worse than normal', and using these as my principle, and thus trapping myself in a forever looping cycle of choice as though I was acting.
I reminisced my life.
When my mother divorced, I met a new father for the first time. He was a man who would resort to violence whenever he got drunk.
Therefore, I tried to act as a good, obedient girl to appease that man.
And then, my mother divorced again, and remarried again.
I was only a little girl back then, but I had already felt the need to get along with my new father. Therefore, I tried to act as the good girl in that man's eyes.
It had been that way ever since.
Ever, ever, and ever.
No matter who I interacted with, I had always been trying to act as a good girl.
This was the main reason I was stressing myself like an idiot before.
My notion of 'must act as a good girl,' as I grew up, had become 'must adapt to my social circle.' In other words, I began to make comparisons in search for a 'basis', obsessing myself with the question of 'what is normal.'
To keep myself above normal.
To make myself better than normal.
If at all possible, to become more superb, more perfect.
If I stopped reminding myself to act as a good girl, then I'd be unable to become the person that everyone anticipated. I had always believed it that way.
I had no confidence in my original self. I was unsure. I compared myself with those around me, in hopes of finding a standard called 'normal,' and contemplated on what kind of ideal image I should be maintain.
I pretended that I didn't care, but in actuality I had been worrying about how others would see me the whole time.
I had called out on Inaba for that reason before, but as it turned out I was not much different than her. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Even though our causes were somewhat different, but our worrying about how others would see us were the same. Ahh, how embarrassing.
It shouldn't have mattered at all.
It's your own fucking life, live it however the hell you like——!!!
Yeah, Inaba was completely right.
Meanwhile, Setouchi peeked at me with a puzzled look.
I realised that I must have stood still for a very long time, completely forgetting the situation before me.
...
I was too happy, my anger had completely disappeared into the air.
...What should I do then? If I don't do something, I won't be able to end this properly.
Whatever~ I'll just stop thinking, I prompted myself. I let my feeling guide me.
——Is that okay?
My common sense and rationality asked me.
——Yup, that's okay!
I answered determinedly, shaking off my shackles.
"Clench your teeth!"
I hadn't spoke with this cheerful voice for a long time.
I could see the shock on Setouchi, Taichi, Inaba, Yui and Aoki's faces.
Aha~ What's this? I feel so happy.
But of course, I wasn't exactly feeling happy for what I was about to do next.
It was more like, the shift in my mood was too great, which was why I was told that I was too dramatic, and that I was emotionally unstable. Then again, I couldn't help it. I had been feeling pretty depressed lately, but now I felt absolutely ecstatic. You have a problem with that?
Nagase Iori was such a person.
"Clenched your teeth?"
"Eh... Eh?"
Although puzzled, Setouchi closed her eyes anyway, her lips pressed tightly together.
"Here I goooooooo——!!!"
Using every last ounce of strength I could muster, I slapped Setouchi across her face with my palm!
My palm felt the impact... Ow, it hurts! At the same time, Setouchi flew from the bench and went rolling on the ground.
Setouchi stopped rolling, and became motionless.
She remained motionless.
"Ah... Eh? Did I hit too hard?"
"...Oi, that wasn't a slap, that was more like a palm strike, no?" "...That was a flawless straight palm strike." "...Such force." "...I wouldn't be surprised if she gets a concussion from it."
The others seemed intimidated.
T-That's because I've never actually slapped people before! I didn't know how to adjust my strength okay! Ow... My palm still stings...
Ah, Setouchi moved a little.
"A-Are you okay? I'm sorry, I hit too hard!"
I rushed to her side, and lifted Setouchi.
"Uu... It hurts... Uuuu..."
Setouchi held her hand against her left cheek and cried chokingly.
"I'm sorry... I'm really sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."
I was worried earlier that, what if she got mad from it, but it seemed my worry was unnecessary.
She had indeed realised her mistake, and regretted over what she had done.
This feeling was conveyed.
There was no need for phenomena like 'Sentiment Transmission'.
"I'm sorry."
I crouched and said quietly to her, my eyes looking into Setouchi's.
"By the way, that slap just now, was for everyone else but me. Don't worry about mine."
"Eh?"
Setouchi appeared shocked.
"Ahaha, surprised? Well, truth to be told, I was in the wrong too. So I guess we're even now. There you have it... Will you forgive me?"
"I don't have any rights to say forgive or not... It was all my fault to begin with..."
Setouchi replied sobbingly and shook her head.
I decided to tell her what I had noticed during this conflict.
"Can I ask you something? Whenever I see you, Setouchi-san, I would have this 'Could it be?' hunch."
Setouchi Kaoru dyed her hair and wore a earrings, and was always hanging around delinquents putting on a delinquent demeanour, but...
"Setouchi-san, you're actually a good girl at heart right?"
"Eh?"
Setouchi, seemingly confused, froze at my statement.
"Why did you force yourself to become a delinquent?"
Upon hearing my question, Setouchi's already teary eyes shed a couple more tears.
"That... That was because... I... The guy I liked before... I was... trying to appeal him... So I..."
With just that, I had completely understood.
She changed herself in order to appeal the other, and in the end, she was no longer able to stop.
Even though we were of different type, but judging by 'being bound by unnecessary restrictions, not being able to become what you truly want to be', I and her were one of a kind.
Perhaps it was exactly because we both were one of a kind, that we disliked each other, rejected each other.
Clearly, that was not what we were supposed to be doing.
We were companions; dense companions in being unable to become what we wished, unable to display the perfect selves. If we could work together, even when we are completely covered in dirt and bruises, we would simply continue to march on forward, because working alone, relying on oneself alone like that is in fact, extremely difficult.
Actually, would it be too late to begin now? Could I still make up with my own power?
"Hey, Setouchi-san, what kind of person would you like to become? How would you like to live?"
"...Eh? Uh..."
"Ah, sorry, I supposed it was a bit sudden and sounded a little abstract... Let's see... Okay! I think that, Setouchi-san, the you at the moment, seem to be pushing yourself... like doing things you didn't want to do at all. So, I want to know what kind of person you really wanted become and things that you really wanted to do."
Setouchi, whose face was completely soaked in tears, was completely dumbfounded.
Say, how many times have I seen Setouchi looking so shocked today again? Random thoughts like that emerged in my mind... Not that I could help it.
But, she looks really cute like that.
"I... I can't... Someone like me..."
Setouchi murmured in a weak, nervous voice, and lowered her head without finishing her sentence.
"You can try tell me! Don't be shy! You can do it!"
I tried to act a little more passionate.
"Eh?"
Aha~ Her reaction is really cute indeed.
"...I...I... really... I know it doesn't suit me, but I wanted to work harder and participate in club activities, or join the student council... and... with Shiroyama-san..."
Ah... I see, I thought. She really was a good girl, a girl who wholeheartedly wanted to pursue her love. It was probably something I could never do myself.
However, that was how Setouchi wanted to live. It was a life that was different than mine.
"Then, why don't you go for it? Why are you giving up without even trying, and being all wiggly and venting on others? ...That being said, I'm not that much better myself, yet I'm lecturing you like this. Sorry!"
I decided to apologize first and anyway. After all, those words were also for myself. It was my personal monodrama, okay?
Setouchi was so shocked that her tears stopped flowing, wearing a utterly confused look on her face.
I spoke once again:
"Ah, Setouchi-san. Why don't we become friends?"
I, Nagase Iori, wished to do that.
Companions who were similar, would definitely be able become good friends.
As I told her that, I stood up and turned around.
Inaba Himeko, Kiriyama Yui, Aoki Yoshifumi, and... Yaegashi Taichi. They were all welcoming me with the brightest smile on their face.
Sheesh, I thought. What's with these people?
They were too nice.
So wonderfully nice, they were impeccable.
I felt so happy, I almost cried.
What should I say?
How should I act?
If I were the ideal me, if I were the awful me, if I were the normal me——I waved goodbye to my tag-and-compare methods of life.
"Thank you all! Nagase Iori is now back in action! I've caused so much trouble for everybody, I'm really sorry!"
I felt it was important. More importantly, I wanted to do it. Hence, I apologized and performed dogeza[1] on the spot.
That was how it ended. We had gone through many things, and there were many things we had to deal with afterwards, but this entire commotion had finally come to its end...
——It should have been that way.
However, we'd never thought that one of those men who kidnapped Inaba would coincidentally passed by.
He was still carrying the iron bar from the abandoned factory.
We were careless.
The man bellowed and charged at Inaba.
Taichi, who tried to protect Inaba, stepped in between them.
A loud, ominous Clank echoed through the air.
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