Chapter 4
May There Be an End to This Useless Battle!
1
I rushed to the main square.
Megumin, Aqua, and I were all lightly armored and were able to get there quickly; Darkness, with her heavy equipment, brought up the rear.
“I knew it. Him again.”
A number of adventurers had already gathered by the time we arrived.
A crowd of novices carefully kept their distance from the gate proper, where he stood.
That’s right—the Demon King’s general. The Dullahan.
I noticed how pale the other adventurers looked, but it wasn’t until I glanced behind the Dullahan that I understood.
This time, he wasn’t alone.
A horde of monsters—Knights in decaying armor—backed him up. Look too hard at what was inside their armor, and you’d probably lose your lunch or be permanently traumatized… In between the battered plates and behind the creaking visors, you could catch glimpses of rotting corpses.
It didn’t take an adventurer to tell that these were the undead.
When the Dullahan spied Megumin and me, he burst out:
“Why haven’t you come to my castle, you miscreants?!”
I stepped out in front of Megumin, covering her with my body, and said:
“Umm… Why should we? And who’s a miscreant? We haven’t set off one explosion since you asked us to stop. Why’re you so upset?”
At that, the Dullahan raised the object in his left hand and almost flung it to the ground, before he remembered that it was his own head. He hurriedly pulled it back next to him.
“You haven’t set off a single explosion, have you? Not one magical blast? Ridiculous! Your insane Crimson friend has come by every single day!”
“Huh?”
I looked at Megumin.
She looked away.
“You went to his castle? I told you not to go, and you still went?!”
“O-o-o-o-o-owww! That hurts! D-do not misunderstand, Kazuma—let me explain! I used to be able to get by just setting off an explosion in an empty field. B-but now that I have tasted the joy of exploding a castle, I need to cast my spell on something huge and hard…!”
“I know what it means when you get all fidgety! And anyway, you can’t move after you cast Explosion. Which means…you must have had an accomplice. Now, who was it…?”
Aqua saw me tugging on Megumin’s cheek and suddenly averted her eyes.
I took a deep breath.
“Was it youuuu?!”
“Yaaaah! We just wanted to get him back for keeping us from finding any good quests! He’s the reason I spend every day being screamed at by the shopkeeper!”
Excuse me, but I think that’s because you do terrible work.
As I caught a fleeing Aqua by the back of her collar, the Dullahan continued speaking:
“What angers me most is not that you insist on your puny pyrotechnics—but that you have no desire to help your friend! Before I was unjustly put to death and transformed by my anger into the monster you see before you, I was a Knight. And as a Knight, I tell you—to abandon that Crusader, who selflessly shielded you from my curse with her own body, trading her life for yours, the very image of Knighthood…”
At that moment, Darkness finally ran up to my side, her heavy armor clattering as she moved.
Her face was red from the Dullahan’s praises. Their eyes met.
“H…hey.”
Darkness waved, almost apologetically, at the Dullahan.
“…Wh…whaaaaa…?!”
The Dullahan screeched.
His expression was hidden behind his helmet, but I assumed his face showed plain shock.
“Aww, what is it? Are you surprised to see Darkness alive and well? Even though it’s been more than a week? Were you waiting for us in your little castle this whole time? Never knowing that I broke the curse on Darkness, like, five minutes after you left? Pffft! That’s rich! That’s too much!”
Aqua pointed at the Dullahan, gripped by gales of laughter.
I didn’t need to see the Dullahan’s face—his shoulders were trembling. He was hopping mad.
But Aqua had broken the curse, after all, and why should we wander right into his trap for no reason?
“Do you understand who you’re dealing with, you impudent knave? If I wanted to, I could wipe out every adventurer in this town, put all its inhabitants to the sword! Don’t think I’ll look the other way forever! My immortal body knows no fatigue. You would be as chicks before the wolf—you could not so much as touch me!”
Aqua’s taunting had obviously pushed the Dullahan to the breaking point; the anger veritably rolled off him.
Before he could make a move, though, Aqua thrust out her right hand and shouted: “You won’t look the other way?! What about me? You’ve got some nerve, causing all this trouble! Now, go back where you came from, monster—Turn Undead!!”
A white light flew from Aqua’s hand.
The Dullahan, though, made no move to escape—just watched Aqua as though her magic meant nothing to him.
I guess that’s the kind of confidence you have when you’re one of the Demon King’s generals.
The white light emanating from Aqua began to surround the Dullahan…
“Did you suppose the servants of the Demon King went into battle without taking measures against Priests? You fool! Not only I but every Undead Knight with me is resistant to holy magic by the grace of His Majesty, the Devil Kiiii—aaaggh!”
Wherever the light touched him, black smoke began to rise.
But even though he was smoking and shaking, his confidence shattered, the Dullahan held his ground.
“I don’t understand, Kazuma!” Aqua cried. “It’s not working!”
I don’t know. I would’ve said it seemed to be working pretty well, what with the tortured scream and all.
“Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh! This is why you shouldn’t interrupt, girl. I am Beldia—Dullahan and general of the Demon King! His Majesty specially blessed my armor, and when combined with my own power, it makes me impervious to your silly Turn Undead! …Impervious, all right? Say, Priest, what level are you, anyway? Are you really a beginner? This is the starter town, isn’t it?”
He tilted the hand holding his head just a bit. I guess it was supposed to look inquisitive.
“…Well, never mind. I came here to investigate when our soothsayer babbled something about a great light that fell near this town… But it’s too much trouble. We’d do better just to wipe this place off the map.”
Seriously? I’d heard childhood bullies say less awful things. Still clutching his head in his left hand, Beldia raised his right hand high.
“Hmph! I need not even bother myself with you lot. Minions! Rain hell upon these disrespectful dogs!”
“Hey! He’s running scared because Aqua’s magic actually worked on him! He’s gonna get to safety and leave his underlings to fight us!”
“Th-th-that’s not true at all! This was my plan from the start! H-how dare you insinuate that a general of the Demon King would act out of cowardice?! You don’t get to go straight to the boss battle. First you fight the minions, then you fight the boss! That’s how things have worked since time immemori—”
“Sacred Turn Undead!!”
“Eyyyyaaarrrghh!” Beldia’s rant turned into a scream as Aqua’s magic hit him.
A circle formed at his feet, and a white light lanced up from it into the sky.
Smoke began to billow from Beldia; he threw himself to the ground and began to roll around as though his armor were on fire.
“Wh-what do we do, Kazuma?! I knew something was weird! My magic doesn’t work at all on him!”
I really think “eyargh!” means it’s working.
Then again, Turn Undead usually worked in one go.
It might mean…
“Wh-why, you—! Let me finish for once! Very well—minions!”
Still smoking here and there, Beldia raised his right hand.
“Destroy this town. And everyone in it!”
He brought down his hand.
2
Undead Knights.
They were a top class of zombie, and though their armor might not have looked like much, they wore it well. These monsters were more than enough to terrorize novice adventurers.
“Oh no! A Priest! Call a Priest!”
“Somebody go to the Eris Church and get all the holy water you can!”
The adventurers’ panicked cries rang out as the Undead Knights advanced into the city.
Adventurers lined up to face the monsters.
And Beldia watched it all, laughing…
“Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! I shall enjoy listening to your cries of despair! Your…cries—”
A shout from the crowd had interrupted his merriment.
“Yiiiikes! Why are you all coming after me?! I’m a goddess! My life isn’t supposed to be this hard!”
“Aww, not fair! My life isn’t hard! Why not attack me?!”
That would be Aqua, shouting some most un-goddess-like things, and Darkness, exclaiming in envy.
The Knights hadn’t moved toward the townspeople but, for some reason, were heading relentlessly for Aqua.
“N-no, you fools! Don’t get distracted by one Priest! There are other adventurers right there, you know! Townspeople! Let’s get a bloodbath going here!” Beldia sounded more than a little dismayed.
Maybe his mindless undead minions were naturally drawn to Aqua, who was a goddess and could bring them salvation.
It was just a theory. But it was also irrelevant. The point was, now was our chance!
“Hey, Megumin! Think you can land an explosion right in the middle of those Undead Knights?”
“What?! But we are in town—think of the collateral damage!”
Then it happened.
“Sir Kazumaaaa! Great Kazumaaaa!”
Aqua was dashing toward me, a horde of Undead Knights right behind her.
Wha—?!
“You idiot! Stop! Stay back! If you turn around, I’ll treat you to dinner tonight!”
“I’ll treat you—just do something about these undead! They’re not normal! My Turn Undead skill doesn’t make them disappear!”
Dammit. Was this what Beldia had meant by the grace of the Demon King?
No…wait. Wait just a second.
“Megumin! Get outside the gate and start chanting!”
“What? Y-yes, sir!”
With that, I ran for the gate myself, Aqua and the monsters hot on my heels. I made sure to run right by the few Undead Knights who were fighting other adventurers, hoping to add as many as possible to our collection…
Then…
“Kazuma, pleeeease! The Knights? The undead ones? They’re right behind me!”
I looked back and saw a massive army of Beldia’s servants following us.
Aqua and I passed the town gate. Then the Knights went through. And then…
“Megumin, now!”
At my signal, Megumin held up her staff, red eyes flashing.
“A better moment I could not have dreamed! My thanks, Kazuma, my deepest thanks! …My name is Megumin! First among the spell-casters of the Crimson Magic Clan! Master of explosive magics! O Beldia, general of the Demon King, behold my power! Explosion!!”
The blast from Megumin’s beloved spell landed smack in the center of the crowd of zombies.
3
The magical blast left a vast crater immediately outside the town gate. There was no sign of any of the Undead Knights.
Everyone was struck dumb by the power of the spell.
“Heh-heh-heh,” came Megumin’s triumphant voice. “It seems the sight of my power has silenced you all… Ha-ha-ha… If I may say so, that was tremendously…satisfying…”
“Need a ride?”
“Y-yes, please.”
Nearby, Megumin was collapsed face-first on the ground.
I hefted her onto my back.
“Ptooie! Yuck! It’s like I’ve got sand in my mouth…”
Aqua had been closest to the Knights. Now she walked along spitting little particles out of her mouth. The force of the blast had kicked up plenty of dirt.
Through the smoke that was still billowing out of the crater, we could hear the adventurers in the town give a cheer.
“Yahoo! Way to go, you crazy kid!”
“That crazy Crimson Magic Clan girl did it!”
“She’s as crazy as her name is weird, but she sure comes through when it counts! You can call me a fan!”
I could feel Megumin squirming at the town’s approbation.
“Excuse me. Could you please carry me over that way? I wish to dispatch those people with an explosion.”
“You’re all out of spells for today. Anyway, you did a really good job. You should be proud of yourself. Stick out your chest and enjoy a break… You’ve earned it.”
At that, Megumin settled against me, mollified.
Something soft pressed against my back…
Something…soft…?
I guess she was sticking out her chest like I’d suggested, but you could hardly tell.
…Well, that’s jailbait for you, I guess.
“Crimson Magic Clan members have extremely high Intelligence,” Megumin said suddenly from behind me. “Shall I guess what you are thinking now, Kazuma?”
“I was just thinking, I didn’t know you were so svelte under all that armor.”
I was patronizing her, and she knew it. For a second, I thought she was going to choke me.
But Beldia was there, at the town gate, looking at us.
More precisely, looking at Megumin, riding on my back.
Gradually, his shoulders began to tremble.
We had destroyed all his undead servants. It was only natural that he’d be mad.
…Or not.
“Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Excellent! Wonderful! I never imagined this starter town might be home to someone who could actually defeat all my underlings! Then…I shall now keep my promise!”
…Wait a second.
Hold it right there—!
“I shall face you in battle myself!”
With that, Beldia drew a massive sword and leaped at us.
4
Faster than Beldia could reach us, several adventurers moved to defend us, surrounding him with weapons in hand.
Beldia took in the situation and then, head in one hand and blade in the other, shrugged easily.
“Hmm? I’m most interested in them, but… Heh-heh. I see. Should one of you perchance topple me, no doubt there will be a significant reward to be had. Very well! You adventurers dream of getting rich quick? Well, come and earn it!”
The adventurers surrounding him grew excited at the Dullahan’s mention of a quick buck.
One guy, a warrior if I had to guess, called out to those around him: “I don’t care how strong he is, he ain’t got eyes in the back of his head! Circle up, everyone, and we’ll all hit him at once!”
Welp. What a death flag.
“Hey!” I shouted to the cannon fodder. “This is the Demon King’s general we’re talking about here! You think he’ll fall for a trick like that?”
Even as I spoke, I started to raise my own sword to help them…
…and stopped. Think! I’m pretty much the weakest possible character. If I took a swing at him, what would happen?
The important thing now was to get Megumin somewhere safe…
And then what?
Megumin was out of MP. Aqua’s magic wasn’t doing the trick.
Maybe the best plan would be for all of us to just run like hell.
As I was having that thought, the warrior was moving to attack Beldia in earnest.
“I don’t have to kill him! I just have to buy us some time! The town’s ace must have heard the urgent announcement—he’ll be coming! If we can hold out till he gets here, that’ll be it—general of the Demon King or no! Come on, everyone, he must have a blind spot! Let’s come from everywhere at once!”
Faced with the bellowing warrior, Beldia took his head in his hand and…tossed it into the air?
The town’s ace?
Who could that be? Presumably some famous, powerful adventurer…
Beldia’s head floated above the fray, drifting until it faced straight down toward the ground.
I saw it and froze.
So did everyone else—everyone watching seemed to have realized at the same time.
“Stop! Stay ba—”
We called out, tried to stop the nameless adventurers.
Beldia answered the oncoming circle of fighters as if he could see everywhere at once.
“Huh?” I heard an adventurer gasp as he was cut down.
I wondered who he was.
Having stopped all his attackers, Beldia changed his grip on his sword from one hand to two…
…and in the blink of an eye, he cut down all the adventurers who’d come at him.
People who’d been alive seconds before were suddenly gone, blank-eyed and limp.
It was outrageous. It was unbearable. It was a reminder that this world was all too real.
The sound of men crumpling.
Beldia listened gleefully, then raised one hand. Its outstretched palm caught his head neatly.
It seemed as if he’d hardly broken a sweat murdering an entire crowd of adventurers.
“Who’s next?” he said easily.
The remaining adventurers quailed at the words.
But one girl’s voice rang out:
“Y-you big bully! Just wait till Mitsurugi gets here! He’ll take you out in one hit!”
………What?
My heart almost stopped.
Mitsurugi? The guy whose magic sword I’d taken and then sold? That Mitsurugi?
“Right!” another voice cried. “Just hold on! When that boy and his magic blade get here, not even the Demon King’s general will be able to—”
“Beldia, was it? We may be a starter town, but we’ve got a few powerful friends of our own!”
Oh crap. Oh crap.
The only person in this town besides Mitsurugi who had a chance against Beldia was Aqua, and she was ignoring the Dullahan completely. For some reason, she was scurrying from one of the fallen adventurers to the next, placing her hands on the bodies.
Maybe she was doing what a goddess does, trying to offer them a prayer on their way into the afterlife.
Beldia stood lazily, observing his handiwork. Heavily armored adventurers lay dead at his feet, and now no one would challenge him…
“Oh-ho? Do you seek to be my next victim?”
Beldia held his head in his left hand, his great sword in his right.
He held the head out on his palm to inspect Darkness, who’d moved to cover Megumin and me.
With the two of us behind her and her sword at the ready, Darkness was not the weird pervert who caused me so much trouble. She was a Crusader I would be proud to be seen with anywhere.
Beldia had seen just how powerful Aqua and Megumin were. He probably assumed Darkness had something up her sleeve, too.
He stood across from her, not moving.
Darkness’s white armor shone in the sunlight, in stark contrast to Beldia’s pitch-black plate.
The adventurers who’d attacked him earlier had all been armored, too. But the Demon King’s general had cut through their armor like paper. Darkness prided herself on being tougher than anyone—but would it be enough to withstand his attacks?
Darkness seemed to understand that I was fighting with myself about whether to stop her—she said bravely to me:
“Don’t worry, Kazuma. I can take a hit better than anyone. And skills affect weapons and armor as well. No denying Beldia has an excellent sword. But a sword alone isn’t enough to cut through armor the way he did. It looks to me like Beldia’s specialized in attack skills. So we’ll just have to see which is better. His attack…or my defense!”
Actually, she seemed unusually prepared to attack, herself.
“Give it up! It’s not just attack—he has serious Evasion, too. Did you see how he dodged all those opponents? You can’t hit a target that’s standing still! What are you gonna do?”
Darkness’s gaze didn’t waver from Beldia as I spoke.
“As a Paladin…as one whose vocation is to protect…there is one thing on which I will never bend. Let me do this.”
I had no idea what she was talking about—but I guess even Darkness had her own reason to keep fighting.
As I stood there, silent, Darkness hefted her great sword and lunged at Beldia.
“Oh-ho! A feisty one! I was once a Knight—what better opponent could I have than a Paladin? Have at you, then!” And Beldia prepared to meet her.
He looked at the huge blade Darkness held and dropped into a low, evasive stance, as if afraid to take a blow from her sword.
Darkness leaned in with the blade as if she was going to slam into him with her entire body weight…
…and rammed her sword into the ground a few centimeters from Beldia. Maybe she’d misjudged the distance?
“…Huh?” Beldia said flatly.
He stared in surprise at Darkness. All the other adventurers in the square wore the same expression.
…Geez! Can’t she even hit someone standing still?!
She might have been my party member, but I mean—gosh. I’d heard of amateurs who swung their swords so recklessly, they ended up chopping off their own foot. But this?
Darkness, for her part, didn’t seem the least bit chagrined, but simply took a step forward and reset her stance, holding out the sword to one side.
Her cheeks were the tiniest bit red, betraying a hint of embarrassment at missing her mark after all that buildup.
Maybe she had the right angle—because Beldia settled even deeper into his stance, ready to evade.
“Such a disappointment. Enough… Now…,” he said, sounding almost bored. Then he casually let loose a single strike at Darkness, down and across from shoulder to hip.
“Now, then…who’s…next? What?”
No doubt he assumed he’d taken her out. But Beldia’s sword simply dragged along Darkness’s armor. The only results were a scratch and an earsplitting noise.
Darkness stepped back, putting some distance between them.
“Aww, man! M-my brand-new armor…!” She groaned as she looked at the huge gouge, then glared at Beldia.
It was a deep cut, but not deep enough to reach Darkness underneath the armor.
In other words…
“Wh-what are you?! You take my blow and are not cloven… That armor must be a master’s work. And yet…even if it was, still… Your Arch-priest, your explosive Arch-wizard… The lot of you are…”
While Beldia was busy muttering to himself, I slipped in among the other adventurers. I passed Megumin to one of them, then turned and shouted: “Darkness! You can withstand his attacks! I’m coming—leave the offense to me!”
Darkness nodded, not looking away from Beldia. “All right. But I have a request—help me get one blow against this monster!”
I shouted back that I understood. Then I turned to the nearby adventurers. “All spell-casters!”
My words seemed to bring everyone back to themselves. Everyone who knew any spells began furiously preparing their magic. Everyone who didn’t started looking for something they could help with.
We were in a fight with one of the Demon King’s generals, here.
A major enemy had shown up at our doorstep. There was no reason we should let him go home unscathed.
But Beldia had planted his sword in the ground and was pointing his empty right hand at one chanting spell-caster after another.
“In one week’s time! All of you! Shall die!!”
He placed his death curse on all the mages at once. And one by one, cowed by the realization that they were going to die, each of them stopped chanting.
Other spell-casters who’d been preparing to get in on the fight took one look at their cursed colleagues and quietly refrained from casting any spells.
Stinking Dullahan! That was a dirty trick!
“Now, how about a real test?”
As Beldia shouted, he flung his head up in the air again.
…I wonder if we could get an archer to shoot down that head?
I was still working my way through that thought when Beldia grabbed his sword with both hands and charged at Darkness.
His helmet was looking down at the ground, just like the last time. It must have let him see the entire battlefield—air reconnaissance, so to speak.
It eliminated his blind spots, made it easy to guess where his opponents would dodge.
From behind me, Megumin gave an anguished cry.
“K-Kazuma! Darkness is…!”
I looked around the square. Almost every adventurer in town was there.
Some of them I knew. There was the person who’d taught me the weaknesses of some monsters.
One girl had drawn a bow but was holding back the shot, afraid she might hit Darkness instead of Beldia. She was the one who’d introduced me to Neroid.
The older guy who’d teased me at the Guild Hall for not drinking alcohol. He held a spear and was trying to circle around behind Beldia.
If Darkness fell, Beldia really might kill all these people. Just on a whim.
Darkness… Darkness herself seemed to know it. She’d turned the flat of her huge blade outward, toward the oncoming foe. She stood without moving, like a shield.
Hit me, her stance seemed to say. Except on my head. I’m not wearing a helmet.
“I like the lively ones!” Beldia cried. “How about this, then?!” He grasped his sword in both hands and unleashed blow after blow, more than any mortal could have made.
One, two, three, four…!
Soon it was ten strikes, then more. Each one made a grating sound of metal on metal and left a mark on Darkness’s armor.
Any one of those strikes would have cut down an average adventurer. But Darkness weathered them all without flinching.
A few strands of her golden hair, caught by the blade, danced into the air.
Beldia let up for a moment to catch his head as it came tumbling back out of the sky. He made an appreciative noise at Darkness’s durability, then gave a one-handed swing of his sword.
The magic-users stood, watching Darkness endure.
They were pale from shock…
…but as if finally resolved, they began to chant again.
I felt something warm dribble down my cheek.
I wiped at it with my hand. It was…
“Darkness, you’re hurt! Stand down—you’ve done enough! We’ll all scatter, come up with a new plan!”
I could see blood dripping from her cheeks, from the gouges in her armor.
In spite of my urging, though, she didn’t back down.
“A Crusader will never abandon her place when there are lives at stake!” she said. “That alone is absolute. A-and—!”
She sure knew how to talk a good game. Her cheeks grew redder and redder as she tried to play it up, too…
“A-and this Dullahan kn-knows what he’s doing! He’s planning to chip away at my armor until there’s only one piece left—he’s going to humiliate me by leaving me here—not even totally exposed—he’ll leave me just covered enough to inflame the imaginations of all and sundry…!”
“Say what?”
Beldia froze for an instant at Darkness’s outrageous suggestion. As I quietly started to prepare some magic, I also began to abuse our resident pervert. I guess a degenerate leopard couldn’t change its spots, even at a time like this.
“Hey, ever heard of choosing a time and place more carefully? You’re the perviest perv who ever perved!”
Darkness began to tremble a little at my words.
“Erk…! K-Kazuma! Speak for yourself! I have my hands full here being beaten up in public by a Dullahan! If you start abusing me, too…! A-are you and this Dullahan secretly in league together?!”
“Whaaat?!”
“As if, you perv! Create Water!”
At my shout, water appeared over the combatants’ heads. It came down as fast as if I’d emptied a bucket over them.
Darkness was soaked from head to toe. And Beldia…Beldia was trying desperately to avoid the water.
…?
What’s he so worried about?
Darkness, dripping, turned red and muttered, “An ambush… N-not bad, Kazuma, not bad at all. But you really should learn to pick your moment…”
“Th-this isn’t some sick game, you nut! It’s this! Freeze!”
I intoned some basic magic to freeze water. By itself, it didn’t do much. But on wet ground…
Beldia gave a start. “Oh-ho! You’ve frozen my feet as a little obstacle, have you? I see you think Evasion is my only strength. How wrong you are!”
I jumped toward the ice-legged Dullahan, ready to deploy my real skill.
That’s right. The one I’d used on Mitsurugi. My most powerful weapon!
“I just needed to slow you down! I’ll have your sword now, Dullahan—Steal!”
I slammed into him with my skill, my random-item-grabbing Steal ability.
Spells and skills were ubiquitous in this world. They drew on MP, which everyone had, rather than HP.
Aqua once told me that there used to be lots of people on Earth, too, who could use magic. We’d just forgotten how.
And by using more MP, you could increase the power of your skills or spells, as well as their success rate.
I’d managed to literally freeze Beldia in place. I had him right where I wanted him, a sitting duck for my ultimate ability…!
“Not bad, boy. No doubt you were quite sure it would work. But I am the Demon King’s general. Remember the difference in our levels. If you were more powerful or I less, I might have been in trouble. But as it is…”
…My skill had had no effect on Beldia at all.
He pointed at me.
…Well, this was no good. I guess I should’ve known Steal wouldn’t work on one of the Demon King’s own generals.
Before Beldia could curse me, though, there was a shout.
“Hands off my friend!”
Darkness had none of her usual cool; her anger was obvious. As she shouted, she threw aside her huge sword, a weapon she couldn’t hit anything with anyway, and launched herself at Beldia in a massive body slam.
Beldia might have been stuck to the ground, but he still dodged her easily, and with time to spare, he adjusted his grip on his sword.
Darkness had thrown away her sword to try that body blow.
She had nothing to defend herself with.
Before I knew it, I was shouting.
“Thieves, help me! Maybe it’s a one-in-ten-thousand chance, but if even one of us can get that sword away from him, we win! Everyone who can use Steal, come with me!”
Maybe there was someone out there with a higher level or better Luck than mine.
Thieves appeared at my side one after another, silently, thanks to their Ambush skills.
“Steal!” we exclaimed together.
But none of our attempts did anything.
Beldia didn’t even seem to notice us. Instead, he was taking a stance, facing the defenseless Darkness… And then he tossed his head up in the air again.
“Oh, no!”
A collective groan went up from the gathered adventurers.
We all knew the head in the air was the prelude to his crushing two-handed rain of blows.
“…Hrk…!”
Darkness gave a small squeak.
No, no, no, no, no!
What was I supposed to do?!
I didn’t have any special abilities. No hidden talents.
There was nothing I could show off or be proud of. And certainly no skills that would help us now.
All I had was better-than-average Luck.
And a knowledge of video games built up over a lifetime.
It was all those days I’d spent playing games instead of doing anything productive that had brought me here. I’d been thrilled to find myself in a real fantasy world. Was I going to have to stand by helplessly and watch it all be destroyed?
“Darkness! Kazuma, Darkness is—!”
I could hear Megumin shouting from behind me.
Think! Think back to your RPGs. You’re up against a Dullahan. What’s his weakness?
If I’d ever had what you could call a specialty, it was that in PVP matches online, I could immediately pick out which attack or strategy would annoy my opponent most.
Look at him. Observe him.
…Why did he try to run away from the water I made?
…
Running water.
High Undead and vampires were weak to it.
What about Dullahans?
“I have enjoyed this, Crusader! As a former Knight, I am grateful to the Dark Gods and the Demon King that I was able to try myself against you! And now…”
He made to attack her in earnest…
“Create Water!!”
“?!”
Beldia stopped where he was, coming up short of attacking Darkness.
He didn’t make even a single sword stroke, only caught his head as it came down.
“Kazuma, I… I’m trying to have a serious battle here…”
Darkness was even wetter than before, and she did not look happy about it.
Under other circumstances, I might have apologized. Not now.
Instead, I bellowed:
“Waaaaterrrrr!”
5
“Create Water! Create Water! Create Water!!”
“Hrrgh! Yargh!”
At my direction, spell-casters all over the square began chanting.
Even with buckets of water spilling over his head, Beldia kept dodging our downpours.
Damn! We’d finally figured out his weakness, but we couldn’t hit him!
I could see the other magic-users growing fatigued. At this rate, we’d all run out of MP before we ever landed a drop on Beldia.
That was when I heard it.
“Hey, what’s going on here? Why are you all having a water fight with the Demon King’s general? Here I am actually working for once, and I come back to find you playing games? What kind of idiot are you, Kazuma?”
Sometimes I could just smack her.
Aqua had reappeared from wherever she’d gone and was now trotting through the crowd with her ridiculous complaining as the rest of us desperately cast water magic.
“Water—! His weakness is water! You may just barely qualify at the very bottom of the scale, but you are a water goddess, aren’t you? A goddess, right? Even if you’re a dumb one? Well, how about some damn water already?!”
“You know, you are in for some divine retribution one of these days, you ingrate! I’m not just barely qualified or at the very bottom of the scale or dumb or anything—I’m a bona fide celestial being! Water? You want water? Ha! I could make a flood that would put your little dribbles to shame! But you have to apologize for calling me all those mean things!”
Could she really do that?
Well, why wasn’t she doing it already?!
“I’ll apologize a million times if you want—later! If you’ve got a flood in you, then let it out, you useless goddess!”
“Waaaaah! How can you call me a useless goddess? Just you watch! I’ll show you what a goddess is good for!”
I’d put out the bait, and she’d swallowed it.
Aqua took a step forward.
A mist began to swirl around her.
…Huh?
“You poor fools! You think your little cloudbursts could ever—Hmm?”
Beldia stopped dead when he saw Aqua.
That’s a Demon King general for you: I guess he could tell that whatever Aqua was doing was bad news.
Then again, all the spell-casters nearby were warily looking at her, too.
Aqua was muttering to herself, oblivious to the looks of everyone around her.
“O my followers in this world…”
The mist around her began to bead into droplets of water.
I could feel each of them take in a bit of magic.
“…Aqua, goddess of water, commands you…”
…I had a bad feeling about this. Something about the way the air all around us seemed to tremble.
It reminded me of the feeling in the air just before Megumin let off an explosion.
Meaning Aqua had something just as powerful, and just as dangerous, up her sleeve…!
Beldia obviously had the same sense of foreboding I did.
Without a moment’s hesitation, he turned his back on Aqua and began to run.
…But he stopped when he saw Darkness in front of him.
Aqua brought her hands together.
“Sacred Create Water!!”
And then the floodgates opened.
6
When Aqua said flood, she wasn’t kidding.
“N-no! Wait!”
“Yaaagh! W-waaaterrrr!”
The waves crashed down on not just Beldia, but Darkness and the other adventurers nearby. They reached Megumin and me and even Aqua, fresh off her chant.
“Hrgh! Grg—! I-I’m drowning—!”
“Megumin! Megumiiin! Grab on to me! You’ll get washed away!”
Everyone was getting caught in the deluge.
The waves crashed down in front of the town gate with a massive spray, then began to run into Axel.
When the water finally receded, the ground was covered with toppled adventurers. And…
“Wh—pfft—what were you fools thinking?! Y-you idiots! You—you foolish idiots!”
…there was Beldia, unsteadily hefting himself up from the ground.
Frankly, I pretty much agreed with him. But now wasn’t the time.
This was our chance, our best—
“This is our chance! Our best shot at taking him down! My amazing display of magical prowess has weakened him—! Now go, Kazuma! Finish him off! Quick! Go already!”
Why, that stinking useless…
I made a mental note to Steal her so much, she’d break down crying from shame in front of everybody. But that would come later. For now, I raised my hand toward Beldia…
“Your weapon’s mine, for real this time. Take this!”
“Do your worst! Even in my weakened state, I would hardly succumb to some amateur’s Steal technique!”
As he shouted at me, he lobbed his head into the air one more time, gripping his great sword with both hands and projecting the most intimidating picture he could manage.
He was a general of the Demon King to the last. We’d hit him right in his weak spot, and somehow I was the one whose knees were trembling.
He might have been a general. He was also my target.
“Steal!!”
I put every ounce of strength into my technique.
Instantly, I felt something hard and cold; a solid weight filled my hands.
I did it! I thought. And of course, thinking that would set off another event flag.
“Ohhh…”
The adventurers around me gave a collective despairing moan.
I looked at Beldia. He was still holding his sword.
I braced myself for his brutal cut attack…
…but it never came. He just stood there.
………?
Silence fell over the befuddled crowd.
Then, we heard a voice, small and afraid.
“U-uhm…”
It was Beldia’s voice. And it was trembling.
“Could I… Could I have my head back, please…?”
The voice was coming from the weight in my hands.
……………
“Hey, everyone!” I said. “Ever heard of soccer? It’s a game where you move the ball using only your feet!”
I gave Beldia’s head a kick toward the crowd of adventurers.
“Yaaargh! H-hey, stop that!”
The tumbling head immediately became nothing more than a toy for the men and women who’d been cowed by it moments before.
“Haaa-ha-ha-ha! I like this game!”
“Hey, over here! Pass it to me!”
“Yaaagh! Stoppit! That hurts! Stop!”
The Dullahan’s body, thoroughly blind, stood stupefied with the sword in its hands.
“Hey, Darkness! You said you wanted a shot at him, right?”
I picked up the sword she’d dropped and took it over to where Darkness stood sopping wet, breathing hard and dripping blood from a variety of wounds. She raised the blade and took a stance facing Beldia’s body.
I gestured to Aqua to join us.
She came over, still wringing out her Feather Dress.
Darkness raised her sword high—
“This! Is for all those I cared for whom you killed! Only one blow—for them all!”
She brought it down hard.
“Graaaaghh!”
I could hear Beldia’s muffled scream from inside the crowd of newly minted soccer players.
Darkness might not be very precise, but she was very strong. Beldia’s black chest plate cracked down the middle.
I recalled Beldia saying something about that armor being specially blessed by the Demon King.
“All right, Aqua. You take care of the rest.”
“You got it!”
Beldia’s armor was shattered; the flood had left him weak. Aqua stretched out her hand.
“Sacred Turn Undead!”
“W-waiiiii—eyaaarrrrgghhh!”
We heard Beldia’s head bellow, over by some adventurer’s foot.
This time, it worked.
A white light enveloped Beldia’s body, and gradually the light and the body faded and vanished.
The head went with it, raising a groan from the adventurers, who’d apparently been having fun learning to play soccer.
That was how we got rid of one of the Demon King’s generals. But we never did learn why he’d come to the area…
7
The triumphant shouts of the crowd welled up around us. Darkness, wounds and all, lowered herself to one knee at the spot where the Dullahan’s body had stood, her eyes closed as if in prayer.
Megumin called out to her hesitantly:
“Darkness, what are you doing?”
She answered without opening her eyes, as if talking to herself.
“…I’m praying. Dullahans are former Knights, driven to undeath by their rage when they are unjustly executed. I doubt he wanted to become a monster. I know we were enemies, but he deserves a prayer, at least…”
“I see…,” murmured Megumin, but Darkness went on:
“There was Sedol, who spread ridiculous rumors that I was over-muscled under this armor, because he was angry that I’d beaten him at arm wrestling. Haines, who used to mock me on hot days: Hey, Darkness, why don’t you fan me with that huge sword of yours? Don’t worry—I’m not afraid you’ll hit me or anything! Garil, who demanded to know why I would throw myself into a horde of monsters when I’d been in his party just one day. The Dullahan killed all of them. When I think about it, they were a bunch of good-for-nothings. But I…I can’t quite bring myself to hate them.”
“Um, I—I see,” Megumin said. “T-tell you what. I’ll listen to the whole story at the Guild Hall. Shall we go back?” Darkness didn’t seem to hear Megumin’s hurried attempt to change the subject. Eyes still closed, she murmured gently:
“I wish I could see them again… I wish we could share just one drink together…”
“W-wow …”
From behind her came a chorus of confused voices. Darkness started. Standing there were three embarrassed-looking men.
The three who Beldia had cut down.
Finally, one of them said apologetically:
“H-hey, I…I’m sorry. For a lot of stuff. We didn’t know you felt…that way…”
“Y-yeah. I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’ta spread those rumors about you over a little arm-wrestling contest. Tell you what—next round’s on me.”
“I…I didn’t know you were embarrassed about not being able to hit anything. I’m sorry, three.”
Darkness was still kneeling in prayer, her eyes closed, but as the men apologized one after another, her cheeks grew redder and redder.
And here came Aqua to spoil the moment.
“How do you like that, Darkness? When you’re as powerful as I am, a little death isn’t enough to stop you! Aren’t you happy? Now you can have a drink with your friends!”
I didn’t suppose she had any sense she’d done anything wrong.
Darkness, however, realizing the men had heard everything she’d just said, sat down, covered her blushing face with both hands, and began to cry.
“Hey, hey,” I said as brightly as I could. “This is great, right? C’mon, go get a drink!”
Darkness muttered through her hands:
“…Please kill me…”
“Aww, c’mon,” I said. “You love it when people humiliate you! Hey, enjoy it—I could keep this up for days!”
Shoulders shaking, she groaned, “This is not the sort of humiliation I prefer!”
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