3.1 - There's No Point Dwelling On Past Misfortunes
Once Wakaba and the others leave, the mood in the room is nothing short of dismal.
Kudo, who I imagine would usually be the one to rally the troops, has been slumped in her chair ever since Wakaba said we can’t go back to Earth.
I don’t know what life was like in the elf village, but the impression I’ve gotten so far is that they were probably just barely getting by here, with Kudo as their de facto leader.
And now, their leader’s heart is broken.
In an already uncertain and frightening situation, seeing the person they normally rely on in a state of despair is probably weighing on them even more heavily.
“I want to go back to Japan.”
I’m sure every last reincarnation has had that thought at least once.
I know I’ve thought it plenty of times.
The civilization in this world is far less developed than in modern Japan, enough so that it often feels inconvenient.
Most of all, I want to see my family again, who I was separated from by my own death.
So the thought inevitably follows.
“I wish I could go back to Japan…”
I was born into the privileged life of a prince of a major kingdom, and even I had that thought.
I’m sure the others who were less lucky felt that way even more strongly.
One look at Kudo is enough to tell me that much.
She and the others were imprisoned here in the elf village, a life without any freedom.
I guess it’s only natural that they would all want to go back to Japan.
“Shino…”
Fei breaks the silence, calling out to Kusama in a low voice.
I’d forgotten that she used to call him “Shino” and often sent him running errands for her.
But back then it was a somewhat fond nickname, while now it sounds almost threatening.
“Wh-what is it?”
“Is there really no way to go back to Japan?”
At that, Kudo looks up as if snapping back to reality.
“Those three were acting rather odd back there, don’t you think? They must be hiding something, right? And if there was really no possible way to go back, I bet they never would’ve mentioned it in the first place.”
At Fei’s confident declaration, all eyes in the room fall on Kusama.
Kusama wriggles nervously under all their accusatory glares, eliciting a scowl from Ogi, who’s still tied up with him.
“I don’t know! I don’t know anything! I swear! Promise! Cross my heart and hope to die!”
Judging by his frantic face, I think he’s telling the truth.
But Kudo rushes over to him as if unable to give up on that sliver of hope, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him.
“Please, if you know anything, you have to tell us! I’m begging you!”
“I told you, I don’t know anything! If we could go back, I’d wanna go back and read the next volumes of my comics, too!”
That seems like a stupid reason for wanting to go back to Japan, but his tone is earnest.
Although I think he’s more upset about the pressure Kudo is putting on him than missing out on his comics.
“Calm down, class rep. Kusama says he doesn’t know anything, okay? Give him some space.”
Tagawa gently pulls Kudo away from Kusama, trying to calm her.
“I’m sure you wouldn’t understand, since you were on the outside! How do you think we felt being trapped in here all our lives while you were out having fun adventures?!”
I never would have expected Kudo to shout something so harsh.
“’Scuse me?”
But it looks like she struck a nerve with Tagawa.
“Fun adventures? Like when my family was all murdered, and I kept fighting until I coughed up blood so I could avenge them? You call that fun?!”
Oh no!
“Tagawa! Get ahold of yourself!”
I run over to Tagawa and grab his arms, pinning them down from behind.
If I didn’t do something, it looked like he was about to throw a punch at Kudo.
Kusama has also escaped from his bonds again somehow and is standing in front of Kudo to protect her.
“Ah…”
Standing behind him, Kudo is so overwhelmed that she turns pale and falls to her knees.
I think it’s more than just the threat from Tagawa that has her shaken up.
“…Sorry, I lost my cool. I’m fine now. Could you let go?”
Calming his ragged breath, Tagawa seems to let the rage drain out of him and regain his composure.
I decide to trust him and let go of his arms.
After a quick glance at Kudo, Tagawa silently turns on his heel and heads up the stairs, leaving the room.
“I… I’m sorry…”
Kudo murmurs a quiet apology to Tagawa, who’s no longer around to hear it.
She stays slumped on the floor, unable to stand up.
Her body is shaking, and I hear her starting to sob.
The mood in the room gets even heavier.
I do think Kudo was in the wrong.
I didn’t know about Tagawa’s past either, but it was still insensitive to say something like that without any idea of what he’d been fighting through.
It looks like Kudo is not the only one who was shocked by his words; the other boys who mentioned wanting to be an adventurer look uncomfortable, too.
It’s Kudo’s fault for accidentally upsetting Tagawa, even if she didn’t know any better.
But still, I can’t say I’m angry with her.
“There’s no point arguing over who had it better or what might have been…”
Without thinking, I find myself repeating Kyouya’s words from earlier.
At the time, I got angry over what he said next, but maybe he was right about that much.
We’ve all walked different paths in our lives here.
It’s only natural that we’d have different experiences, good and bad.
There’s no point dwelling on our past misfortunes.
No matter what we do, we can’t alter the past.
We have to focus on the future instead.
“Class rep. Remember, we’ve died once already.”
We all died and were reborn into this world.
That past isn’t going to chance.
“We’re dead. All of us here now are different from the people we were in our past lives, even if we brought those memories with us. We’ve been reborn. That means we’ve changed.”
Our old class rep looks up at me, her face still red from crying.
Her expression looks confused and a little annoyed that I’m suddenly rambling about something we already know.
“Even if we could go back to Japan, we’re different people now. We’d have no home to go back to.”
That takes her breath away.
I’m sure she understood that idea logically.
She just didn’t want to admit it to herself.
Most of us don’t look like our former selves at all.
Katia, for instance, is even a different gender.
We’re totally different people.
If we went to Japan in these bodies, we’d have nowhere to return to.
We’re residents of this world now, not that one.
“Let’s think about the future instead. What do you want to do? What can we do?”
Even as I say it, I find myself doubting if there’s anything I can do at all.
So far, I haven’t been able to do anything.
I don’t even know how to carry on in Julius’s stead at this point.
What am I supposed to do from now on?
“Hah! Now there’s a big hero’s speech for ya.”
Just as I start to get lost in my own head, someone opens the door and steps inside.
“Hugo…”
It’s the same man who led the imperial army to attack the elf village.
“Don’t call me by that goddamn name. My name is Natsume Kengo.”
Hugo, or rather Natsume, walks in with obvious displeasure on his face and plops down in the seat Tagawa was occupying before.
“Natsume, what do you think you’re doing here?”
While I hesitate over how to approach him, Fei starts in with open hostility.
“Hey, c’mon, where’s my warm welcome?”
“As if you have any right to that.”
Fei circles behind Natsume as she speaks, probably so that she can take him down immediately if he tries anything funny.
“What’s the big deal? I’m doin’ you all a favor, showin’ up so you can laugh in my face.”
There’s something strange about that statement.
Fei seems as taken aback as I am, looking at him doubtfully.
It’s then that I finally notice that Natsume’s eyes look lackluster and hollow.
I’ve never seen him like this—his eyes were always glinting intensely before.
“Go on, laugh. I got played for a fool, then got my ass beat by you of all people. So much for all my stupid swagger, huh?”
Natsume snorts scornfully at himself.
I’m at a loss for words.
He’s completely changed from before.
“…Wow, what happened to you?”
Fei sounds perturbed by Natsume’s attitude adjustment, too.
“…I just don’t give a shit anymore.” He sounds exhausted. “No, I never gave a shit in the first place. Yamada, you were just sayin’ that we already died once, yeah?”
“Right.”
He heard that?
“Well, you’re damn right. We’re all dead men walkin’. But you accepted that and started to live your second life for real. I couldn’t accept it, so I got rotten to my core. That’s all there is to it.”
I stare, dumbfounded.
I never thought I’d hear Natsume speak that way about himself.
After all, Natsume was always full of himself and looking down on other people.
Not to mention he was overconfident, always assumed he was in the right, and did whatever he wanted.
How did he end up like this…?
“Hang on, Natsume. Are you trying to say that everything you’ve done all this time was just because you were in denial, or something?”
“You hit the nail on the head.”
Fei, who had a stronger connection with Natsume in our previous lives than I did, expresses her thoughts frankly, while I’m still sitting in confusion.
You’re kidding me…right? He was in denial?
Part of me refuses to believe it, while part of me thinks it makes perfect sense. Conflicting emotions swirl in my chest.
The reason I can almost accept it is that Hugo in this life was just too different from the Natsume in our old lives.
The old Natsume was a pretty energetic guy. He could be a little tone-deaf at times, but he wasn’t a terrible person.
I was never his biggest fan even then, but I didn’t think he was a bad guy—I just found his intense energy to be a little too much.
Honestly, I think my dislike of him was one-sided.
But in this world, Natsume transformed into a tyrant.
Back in Japan, he did have a slight tendency to steamroll over other people’s opinions at times, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as in this life.
And he definitely wasn’t the kind of person who would actually try to kill someone.
When we were reborn, he changed.
I sensed that much even before he attacked me.
So in a way, it makes more sense to assume there was some reason behind that change.
But it’s hard to accept that the reason was that he was in denial.
Can you blame me for not entirely believing it?
I mean, he almost killed me.
On top of that, he used his power to brainwash people like Katia, Sue, and Yuri, and killed my father the king to plunge the kingdom into chaos.
The reason we came here in the first place is because we heard that Natsume was going to lead the imperial army in an attack on the elf village.
As it turns out, Natsume was just being used by the demon army, but that doesn’t absolve him of all his evil deeds.
And his reason is because he was in despair?
“You’ve got to be…kidding…!”
My father was killed for a reason that stupid?!
Sue was brainwashed into killing him…
And Yuri was brainwashed to attack the elf village with the imperial army…
Not to mention all the other people he’s trampled. Does he realize what he’s done?
Does he know how many people have been hurt or worse because of him?!
And we’re supposed to accept that his reasoning is that he was “in denial”?!
I almost punch him in a blind rage, but I manage to stop myself just in time when I remember my exchanges with Kyouya and Tagawa.
After I lectured Kyouya and stopped Tagawa from acting out of anger, it seems wrong for me to strike someone now.
Instead, I take a deep breath and let it out along with my fury.
“What, you’re not gonna hit me? What a wuss.”
“…Just to be clear, it’s not that I forgive you. I’ll make sure you pay for all your wrongdoings. But punching you now wouldn’t resolve any of that. It would only make me feel a little better.”
“So what’s the problem? You might as well do it, even just for yourself.”
I guess he really doesn’t care about anything anymore…
The old Natsume never would’ve given someone permission to punch him in a million years.
“Nah. I won’t.”
If I punish him with violence now, I’d be negating everything I said to Kyouya before.
“Heh. Such a damn softy.”
When Natsume smirks at me, I feel an almost murderous rage, but I resist it.
“Fine, then. I’ll do it your way. Gimme whatever kinda punishment you want.”
That might sound noble, but I doubt it means he actually feels bad about what he’s done.
He really just doesn’t care anymore.
Maybe not even whether he lives or dies.
If I said I was going to kill him, I get the feeling he’d go along with it.
“Hey, this is just a hunch, but…were you brainwashed, too, by any chance?”
While I’m glowering at Natsume, Fei suddenly speaks up.
What is she talking about?
Brainwashing is basically Natsume’s specialty, thanks to his Envy skill.
How could he have been brainwashed himself?
I didn’t see any such status conditions when I checked his stats before, either. It doesn’t quite add up.
“It’s just, I saw something weird. During yesterday’s battle, when Wakaba grabbed your head, something that looked like a tiny spider came out of your ear.”
Hearing that gives me a little shiver.
Even Natsume puts a hand to his ear and looks a little pale.
“Uh, yeah. I think you’re probably right. My ear? Holy shit. I knew something was messing with my head, but it came out of my ear…? There was physically something in there? Gross…”
Natsume digs his finger into his ear as he speaks.
I doubt that would be enough to get anything out of there, but it’s probably just an instinctive reaction.
I can’t say I blame him.
If someone told me there was something in my ear, I’d probably try to do the same, even knowing it wouldn’t work.
But if that’s true, does that mean all Natsume’s actions were because he was being controlled by someone else?
In that case…
“Listen, even if I was bein’ controlled, I don’t want your goddamn pity. Got it?”
“No, but…”
“When I tried to off ya that first time, I wasn’t under anyone’s control yet. And even when I was, I still wanted to kill you of my own free will. That’s no lie.”
Hearing that shocks me even more than I expected.
My former classmate really wanted to kill me that badly, whether he was being controlled or not?
“So you’re saying being ‘in denial’ is your entire selfish reason for being such a brute?”
“You got that right.”
“And the fact that you’re here taking responsibility for that now is only because now that you’re not brainwashed, you don’t care about anything anymore?”
“Did I stutter?”
“Hmm. I see, I see.”
With that, Fei takes Natsume by the shoulders from behind and turns him to face her.
Then…
“Hmph!”
“Nguh?!”
…she punches him in the gut.
Natsume clutches his stomach and tumbles out of the chair onto the floor.
“Ahh. That’s better!”
What was I holding back for, then…?
Fei went ahead and punished him with violence anyway.
“Y-you…”
“Now, now, what’s the problem? You said yourself that we could punch you. Just consider this one of your many punishments to come.”
After frowning nonstop all this time, Fei gives her brightest smile of the day.
“All right, I’ve made up my mind. You’re going to be our slave until the day you die. No matter what we do to you, you’re not allowed to complain. Sound fair?”
“Whoa…”
Is she out of her mind?
“…Yeah, sure.”
And he’s agreeing to it?!
…Maybe Natsume does actually feel a little guilty about everything he’s put us through.
“Are you good with that, too, Yuri?”
“Huh?”
At Fei’s words, I turn around to find Yuri walking in, accompanied by a girl in the white robes of the demon army.
I didn’t even notice her.
Since I didn’t notice Natsume’s approach either, it seems like I’m not being alert enough about my surroundings.
“Oh, um, yes. To be honest, I was rather hoping for something more brutal, but if he’s to experience a fate worse than death every day, over and over… Hee-hee… Ho-ho-ho-ho!”
“Y-Yuri? Are you feeling okay?”
“Yes, of course. Perfectly fine. Why shouldn’t I be?”
Though her lips are curved upward, her smile doesn’t reach her eyes.
“Want to give him a punch for now?”
Fei drags Natsume up from the floor and forces him back into his seat, offering him to Yuri.
“Oh, yes.”
Before the words have even left her mouth, Yuri steps in close to Natsume and hits him hard in the stomach.
“Oogh?!”
Natsume tumbles back to the ground.
This is a fairly tame punishment, considering everything he’s done, but I bet it’s still rough on him both physically and mentally to take a public beating in front of his former classmates.
“You want a turn, Katia?”
“No, I’m all set, thanks…”
Katia shakes her head, looking a little disturbed.
Since she’s also one of Natsume’s brainwashing victims, she has every right to punish him along with the others.
But I guess she’s not in the mood to pile on to this already alarming scene of violence.
There’s even blood coming out of Natsume’s mouth…
The fact that he took this much damage in spite of his high stats means that Fei and Yuri must have both hit him with just about all their strength.
All the reincarnations who lived in the elf village, where they were never exposed to violence, look especially horrified.
I’m guessing the reason they’re not speaking up in spite of their alarm is that I explained to them beforehand what Natsume did.
Even the boys who were good friends with Natsume are standing by and letting it happen.
It’s at this point that I finally realize I was being too pushy about my opinion earlier, criticizing Wakaba and the others much too harshly.
I can even understand why Negishi—or I guess it’s Sophia now—silenced me so unsympathetically.
I really am an idiot.
It’s like I can’t do anything right.
I should be grateful to Wakaba for cutting the meeting off for today, before things could get any more emotionally charged, in order to give us all time to think.
“We’d better get a few in for Sue’s sake, too.”
Fei’s chipper voice reminds me that I still have to ask Natsume about Sue.
It didn’t seem like she came with the imperial army for the attack on the elf village.
I’ve got to find out if he knows what she’s doing now.
“Natsume, where is Sue? What is she doing?”
“Oh yeah, her.”
Grimacing, Natsume drags himself up and returns to his chair.
“You know she’s workin’ with Wakaba and them, right? Far as I know, she ain’t even brainwashed—she’s helpin’ ’em of her own accord.”
“Excuse me?”
“We both know that’s not true.”
Fei furrows her brow dangerously, and I glare at Natsume, too.
When she attacked our father, I clearly saw in Sue’s status condition that she was being brainwashed by Natsume.
Is he really trying to talk his way out of that now?
“No, seriously. The only time I brainwashed her was when she killed the king. I called it off after that, too.”
“…What does that mean?”
“Weren’t you listenin’? Your little sister is workin’ with those guys of her own free will. The only reason I brainwashed her for that part was ’cause Wakaba ordered me—said she probably wouldn’t kill her own damn dad otherwise. I swear, I didn’t brainwash her other than that.”
I exchange glances with Katia and Fei.
They look just as confused as I am.
Would Natsume really bother to lie at this point?
Whether he’d stand to gain anything from it or not, he certainly doesn’t seem like he’s lying.
It sounds to me like he’s telling the honest truth.
“Maybe she was being directly controlled by Wakaba like Natsume?”
Katia suggests a plausible explanation.
“What do you think?”
“Beats me. I didn’t even know myself that I was being controlled until it was over. I got no way of knowin’ whether it was happenin’ to her, too, or not.”
“Right, that makes sense.”
“But if ya ask me, I don’t think it was.”
“Why not?”
“I told ya she was workin’ with them of her own free will, but it was more like she was bein’ threatened into it.”
“Threatened?”
That surprises me.
Were Wakaba and the others threatening Sue to make her help them?
“Yep. Like, ‘You wouldn’t want anything to happen to him, would you?’”
He points at me as he speaks.
“Me?”
“Damn right. Wakaba and her crew have had their eyes on you for ages now.”
“But why…?”
At first, I find it hard to believe.
But then, when I think about it, it does make sense in some ways.
Sue had been acting a bit strangely since we started attending the academy. Most of the major incidents have been far more recent, like the kingdom coup that was staged using Natsume and the conspiracy with the Word of God church, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they had been planning those things for years now.
In fact, I don’t see how they could’ve pulled all this off without several years of preparation.
But even then, I still don’t understand why Wakaba and the others would be focused on me specifically.
Because I’m the hero?
No, that only happened relatively recently.
Assuming that Wakaba’s people were already working behind the scenes before then, Julius must have still been alive at the time.
…Is it because I’m Julius’s brother, then?
Were they thinking of using me as a hostage to deal with Julius or something?
Then maybe that’s how they threatened Sue?
…It sounds reasonable enough, but it’s only a theory.
The only way to find out the truth would be to either ask Sue or confront Wakaba and the rest directly.
“Either way, is Sue all right?”
I put that line of questioning aside for now to make sure that Sue isn’t in any danger.
“Yep. I thought for sure she’d follow us all the way here, but they sent her off somewhere else right before we left. I dunno where, though.”
I turn toward Yuri.
She was likely with Sue for a while, like Natsume.
“I’m sorry. I’m afraid I don’t know where dear little Sue is, either…”
“Gotcha…”
Sounds like I’ll have to ask Wakaba where Sue is, too.
“I guess we’ve still got a lot of questions to ask Wakaba and the others.”
“Yeah. We’ve gotta talk things out more with them.”
“Talk things out, huh…?”
As Katia and I nod at each other, Natsume groans meaningfully.
He looks deeply unimpressed as he stares at the two of us.
“What?”
“Oh, nothin’. I was just thinkin’ how pathetic it is that I lost to such a bunch of gutless wimps.”
“Hmph!”
“Guh?!”
The second Natsume insults us, Fei’s fist comes down hard on his head.
She must have held back a little bit this time, at least, since he doesn’t go falling out of his chair again.
“I’d watch how you speak to us if I were you, okay?”
Even as Fei glares down at him, Natsume doesn’t complain.
It’s clear that he was serious about accepting any punishment.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask him.
“…You people don’t seriously think it’s all over now, do you?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I accidentally repeat the same question.
“I’m talkin’ about Wakaba and them.”
The slight listlessness he’s been wearing leaves Natsume’s face as he stares seriously into my face.
“Don’t you get it? Or are ya just too chicken to face the truth? You’re the damn hero, and they’re the demon army. Remember?”
Right…
I don’t know what to say.
Maybe Natsume’s right that I’ve been avoiding the truth.
Demons are the natural enemies of humans.
And Wakaba is the person who killed Julius, too.
“You really think they’re just gonna say ‘okay, bye’ and go back to the demon territory now that they’ve destroyed the elves?”
Silence falls. Nobody has a word to say in response to Natsume.
“I got no idea what their endgame is exactly, ’cause I was nothin’ more than a pawn to them. But they’re up to somethin’, that’s for damn sure. For one thing, they were gatherin’ up people with all the Seven Deadly Sins and Seven Heavenly Virtues skills. Apparently, they need something called ‘keys.’ I already gave mine to ’em, not that I knew what it was anyway.”
“Keys?”
“Yep. And before you ask, I have no idea how they’re gonna use ’em. But for what it’s worth, in case you couldn’t tell, they know a lot of secrets about this world. A hell of a lot more than we do, I’d bet.”
He’s certainly right about that.
After all, I only just learned about the real nature of Taboo today.
Oh, right, I should tell the rest of them about it.
…Although I’m a little scared of how Yuri will react.
“Actually, about that…I’m guessing Wakaba and the others are getting their information from the Taboo skill.”
“Taboo?”
Just as I expected, the first to react to my words is Yuri.
Her church, the Word of God, has always executed anyone who acquires the Taboo skill, no questions asked.
But once I maxed out Taboo, I understood why.
“The truth is, my Taboo skill reached its max level. Because the price for using my Mercy skill is that the Taboo skill levels up.”
Yuri’s eyes flash wide open.
“When it maxed out, it gave me a bunch of information…about the origins of this world.”
I hold up a hand to stop Yuri from protesting as I continue.
“Information?”
“Yeah. Most of which backed up what Wakaba was saying.”
Katia nods, then looks at Yuri as she voices her doubts. “But if that’s what it does, then why was the Word of God religion executing anyone with the Taboo skill?”
“Because…”
Should I really say this out loud?
I hesitate for a moment, but I’m sure Wakaba and the others would confirm it anyway if anyone asked.
“The reason this world is on the verge of destruction isn’t just because of the elves. If anything, the people who lived here were just as much to blame.”
Then I explain the information I learned from Taboo.
About how the people of this planet used up something called MA energy and drained the world of its life force.
And how to make up for it, they’ve been reborn in this same world over and over, with the power of the skills and stats they earned in each lifetime taken from them to be used toward rebuilding the planet.
“I see. So that’s why the church went after people with the Taboo skill…”
“It’s basically confronting the people of this world with their own past sins. I’m guessing they were taking measures to keep the truth from spreading around.”
“So that means the Word of God church knows about the truth behind Taboo and was working with Wakaba’s side as well?”
“Probably. Natsume, did you use your brainwashing on the Word of God?”
“Nope.”
“That settles it, then. Am I right?”
I look at Ogi and Kusama, who are still tied up.
“Uh… Yeah, pretty much?” Kusama looks resigned.
“Huh? What? Wait…”
Yuri seems increasingly alarmed as she looks between us.
She’s always believed in the Word of God.
It must be overwhelming for her to find those doctrines and ideals suddenly turned on their heads.
Since she was so devoted to her religion, it might be hard for her to accept this.
Maybe I shouldn’t have revealed it to her right after being freed from Natsume’s brainwashing, when she’s probably still mentally and emotionally vulnerable.
“Let’s stop talking about this for today. I think we probably all need some time to process everything and get our thoughts in order.”
It’s not just Yuri: Kudo and the others probably all want time to think, too.
We need time to sort through our feelings.
“We’ll hear the rest of the story from Wakaba and the others starting tomorrow. What are they going to do next? We won’t know whether we’re with them or against them unless we find out their plans first.”
I don’t know what Wakaba and her side are trying to do.
I get the impression that she’ll stop at nothing to achieve her goals—she even brainwashed Natsume.
What is it that she wants to accomplish so badly that she’s willing to go that far?
We have to find out.
Her objective, and her plan for achieving it.
I can understand why they wanted to wipe out the elves.
But she did it by sacrificing the imperial army soldiers in the process.
Not only that, but my father the king was killed, and the kingdom is still in utter chaos.
And before that, there were many other losses at the hands of the demon army.
Including my brother Julius…
The actions of Wakaba’s side are accompanied by far too many losses.
If their next move is going to lead to even more lives lost…
No matter how noble the ultimate goal might be, I…
But…what can I even do about it?
“Atone.”
The curse that’s been repeating in my head all this time seems to grow even louder.
Whenever my will gets weaker, it starts to take over.
“Atone.”
Stop it!
What am I supposed to atone for?
What did I, or any of us, ever do wrong?!
“Shun?”
Noticing my distress, Katia calls out to me with a worried expression.
“I’m okay. I was just…thinking about what I’m supposed to do next, too.”
It isn’t a lie.
I really don’t have any idea what to do now.
Everything’s gotten so complicated, to the point where I feel like my thoughts are puzzle pieces I can’t seem to put together.
Although maybe it would be more accurate to say I feel like I’ve lost my way.
I’ve always tried to do what I thought was the right thing.
But did any of it even matter?
My brother Julius died, my father was killed in front of my eyes, Sue was forced to kill him by Natsume, and the kingdom has fallen.
I came to the elf village to stop Natsume, but in the end, I was knocked out before I could do anything. Then it turned out that Natsume was being used by Wakaba all along.
Huge waves have been set into motion, and I had no idea.
I thought I was acting of my own volition all this time, but now it’s starting to seem like I was just being swept along by those waves.
What am I supposed to do now?
Is there even anything I can do, up against Wakaba and her allies?
It certainly doesn’t feel like it.
Even earlier, all I could do was hit the floor without putting up any real resistance.
“Atone.”
I shake my head rapidly, trying to stave off the curse and my own fears alike.
The voice isn’t going to stop echoing.
But all I can do is pretend not to hear it.
“Shun. Are you sure you’re all right? You look pale.”
“Yeah, I think I’m still feeling a little under the weather. I’m going to head back to the room to rest a bit more. Then I can settle down and think about what to do next.”
I try to reassure Katia, then start walking toward the stairs.
Did my response come out all right?
The Taboo curse seems to have my emotions running high.
I’m sure I could have handled that exchange with Kyouya more peacefully, too.
Kyouya must have had his own reasons and hardships, too, but I just got worked up and yelled my opinions at him.
I hope we can sit down together and talk things out properly sometime soon.
But that chance never came.
The world was moving far more quickly than I realized, without a moment to spare for thought.
As if everything keeps rolling downhill, getting worse and worse.
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