Kyou kara Ma no Tsuku Jiyuugyou! - Volume 13.5 - Chapter 1

The Maou's Harem

Having a close parent-child relationship only lasts for a short time, for the ten or so years before middle school.

Shibuya "Jennifer" Miko - autobiography

In My Life, I Regret Nothing (to be continued)

If what my predecessor says is true, then Greta and I only have two or three years left in our harmonious father-daughter relationship.

On top of that, as a father, I'm always away on business because of my supernatural powers. Because of this, I don't have the time to spend with her, doing "I love Daddy more than anyone in the world!" things.

That's why I've decided to try my best to do family activities with her. They're also the types of activities that a ten year old girl would be able to do in school as well as with her family.

Like hiking, rookie competitions, going to the beach, kohaku[1] song battles, lighting fireworks, camping in the fall, Christmas... Christmas, that's not necessary, is it? Actually, the two worlds' religious beliefs are different.

And then there's an activity that sports people aren't very good at: the cultural festival[2]. Greta's still an elementary school student. The cultural festival should just be a school festival.

I also have experience with these kinds of activities. Things like the whole class putting on a play or singing in the auditorium, or a scavenger hunt in a classroom, are like a deluxe edition way of learning through observation.

After entering high school, the school will become a replica of a shopping district, and the goal will also turn into getting dates. However, in elementary school, the goals are still very pure. Whether they like it or not, most of the guests are the kids' guardians. That is to say, the main purpose of this activity is to show off your daily school life and study achievements to Mom and Dad.

It's really too much. You lose so much face that you start to wonder why in the world there would be an activity like this.

Especially in elementary school, fourth grade. That year was the worst. My role in the play was Cedar Pollen #1, but my parents were running on V8 engines in the auditorium, shouting with all their might, "Yuu-chan! Yuu-chan!"

Faced with these kinds of conditions, I'd rather accept the torture of a thousand bat swings. If it wasn't for the fact that I was a strong, healthy child who got full attendance awards, then I would have faked sick to get out of the performance.

But, as the saying goes, no matter how good you think you are, there's always someone out there that's better, so always strive for the best.

As I'm remembering my humiliation at the festival, relieved that it's over, Greta runs over to find me with an innocent smile on her face, and offers an even more brutal proposition.

"Parent-child musical...?"

"Yeah."

"That's where the guardians and children listen to a musical together...right?"

Sitting on my knee with her face towards me, Greta shakes her head.

"Although I don't think it's likely...is it an activity where the guardians and children stand on stage together?"

"Yes."

"Then that means it's Greta and...me?"

"Yes!"

What are you saying--?

"Wait a minute, wait a minute! Greta, no matter if it's a school festival or a publisher's conference, isn't the point of it to let kids show their growth in front of their parents? It shouldn't be for the parents to show off their singing ability!"

"No, Yuuri. This is to show the child's growth, and also to show off the parents' growth."

So even guardians have to prove themselves?

Her slightly long reddish brown hair shakes as Greta's eyes shine and she says, "That's what Conrad said."

Damn you, Lord Weller.

Lord Conrart Weller, having lived for a while in the West on Earth, sometimes teaches Greta some random things.

Activities where parents have to participate are extremely rare in Japanese elementary schools. He was probably wandering around America or England to come across such an activity.

Of course, he could have been in Canada or Mexico or Portugal or Argentina or the Xinjiang Uyghur Autonomous Region.

"But Greta, Shin Makoku doesn't have musicals!"

"No problem, Conrad already taught me what a 'musical' is."

Damn you, Lord Weller!

Because of numerous coincidences, this young girl became my daughter. She cheerfully waves her darkly tanned arms and starts to list the songs she wants to perform.

"Yuuri, listen-- Greta thinks the song Warlock's Delivery Service[3] is pretty good, but Anissina says men wouldn't know any magic--? So I said, 'then lets do the more challenging Phantom of the Kabuki'[4], but after Günter heard the story, he cried and said, 'That's too depressing!'"

"Uh...Greta, I find it really hard to stop talking when I have something to say, but when it comes to musicals..."

"Right, and then, I thought that even if the lead wasn't the female student in Constantine: Supernatural Prodigy[5], it would be okay. But this time Conrad said that this work comes from the demon world, and then he said the Courtesan King[6] would be more suited for an adult audience and asked me what I thought--? I never thought choosing a program for the performance would be so hard."

"Ah-- Greta, actually...for musicals I'm a little..."

"However!"

Slender arms wrapped around my neck, Greta's forehead is pressed to my shoulder. Her hair gives off a nice floral scent, like sunny grasslands and flowers in full bloom.

"Actually, it doesn't matter what the song is; Greta likes them all. As long as I can perform the musical together with Daddy, I'll sing anything!"

No!

Endlessly troubled, my eyebrows take on the shape of the character 'eight'[7] as I'm screaming within my heart.

I have no musical talent I have no musical talent I have no musical talent. Ah--!

Actually, I don't hate musicals. During the compulsory education years[8], my grades in music class were average, not good and not bad. Listening to classical music doesn't give me headaches. In middle school, I went with friends to sing karaoke. Also, I've never drawn horns on a picture of Beethoven or put nose hairs on Bach.

But no matter how hard I work, I have no musical talent. I don't understand how people who were just talking normally can have the ability to burst into song and dance.

Similarly, merging singing with background music and a plot to create an artistic performance, opera, is totally beyond me.

It's like the theory I use in my everyday life, "baseball players use baseball to decide victory or defeat".

Music with music, reciting lines with reciting lines. Let's take the different forms of performance and split them very clearly. Wouldn't that be great for both sides?

"I say... Greta, musicals aren't bad, but aren't regular dramas also very interesting? Like I'll be a king, and you can be a princess. Ah, that's not right. That would be the same as our current status. Anyway, musicals are a little..."

"Why?"

I should just tell her the truth: "Your father can't do musicals".

If I obey my daughter's wishes now, there will definitely be endless trouble later on.

However, if I take this time to firmly tell her that school festivals have to have regular plays, then Daddy can continue on to play Cedar Pollen #2.

In order to prevent her from becoming an arrogant and stubborn girl, childhood education is important.

For children to be spoiled too much, to grow up in an environment where they're not taught reality, is not a good thing.

My brother is the best example of this. He's always been a genius, leading him to think that, even though he's obviously a resident of Saitama Prefecture, he's going to be the governor of Tokyo.

In conclusion, always giving in to a child's requests is not good for the child's education.

As long as I insist that "we're not performing a musical", Greta will give up on it. Earthquakes, thunder, blacksmith Father...! No, Father is not a blacksmith. It should be that fires and fathers are both things to be feared.[9]

"Listen well, Greta. I don't want to perform a mu..."

"Can't wait can't wait can't wait--! It's Greta's first time singing and dancing on stage! Oh right, Yuuri, what does it feel like? Will it be really nerve-wracking? But, even if it is, Greta won't be afraid!"

Greta puts both of her hands on my shoulders, looking at me as I tilt my head down to meet her gaze. Her reddish brown eyes filled with enthusiasm, she looks at me shyly.

"Because I'll be together with Daddy!"

Thud!

The first Shin Makoku school festival is huge and magnificent.

For me, I had hoped to invite only a few close friends and relatives to the event.

I had no idea that, at Lord Weller's suggestion, it would become a public performance with all the families with young children in the capital coming one after another to participate.

An event like this has probably never been held before, so seats in the auditorium sold out quickly.

It's not only Mazoku who are performing.

Right now, carrying his fall purchases, Hyscliff approaches with one foot forward. Along with his beloved daughter Beatrice, they are guest performers of a song in Sir and I[10], called "Monkey, Do You Dance?" On the stage, he carries his head, shiny with sweat, with a dancer's poise, earning him hearty applause from the audience.

Some people are watching the von Voltaire family's private secretary, Miss Anpurin[11], as she sobs while listening to West Inch Story[12]. What on earth has moved her so much?

Günter is obviously not a family member, but he's partnered up with Rinji von Wincott, performing a scene in "Snow Günter, Chrysanthemum Günter".

The whole audience is weeping, moved to tears by the tale of Snow Günter, who has been mistreated by a cruel master, and Chrysanthemum Günter, the silent protector hiding in the shadows of the trees (one person playing two parts).

If such a scene were to occur on Earth, there would definitely be a lot of "The entire nation is moved! Extremely thrilling!" reviews.

"Apologies for the wait, ladies and gentlemen. This happy occasion, Shin Makoku's first 'Singing Dancing Family Party', has finally arrived at the last performance. The last act will be our Maou, His Majesty Yuuri, His Excellency Wolfram von Bielefelt, and Princess Greta in a musical filled with love and courage and excitement-- 'Through Wisconsin'[13] from 'Alien vs. Predator'! Please, Your Majesty, Your Highness the Princess, show us your talent!"

At Günter's Shinjuku[14] theatre style announcement, the three of us leap up onto the stage.

"Attack intelligently, Predator!"

"Use strength in numbers to decide victory, Alien!"

"Humans are so troublesome!"

"Your skin seems very hard, Predator!"

"More goo, Alien!"

"To outer space for a big fight!"

Although the selection is one that, if asked, "Is this really a musical?" I wouldn't know how to respond, this is our lead actress Greta's wish, so there's nothing to be done about it.

I have no idea where she knows Alien from. Unexpectedly, she asked me with a worshipful expression, "Who's stronger, Sigourney Weaver[15] or Anissina?"

I really hope my answer doesn't affect her "list of people I want to be".

The only person who knows about "Predator" is me.

Therefore, writing the lines and music, the instructions, stage effects, model designs, research, etc., everything was done by me.

Even though I was Robert Rodriguez[16] for this challenge, in the end I came to fully understand that I have no talent for these things.

Sure enough, the whole audience is getting up and booing.

I tried my best to hold back on the cruel feeling in the lyrics, but it looks like the guardians of the children aren't very pleased.

I can only see the audience all get up out of their seats at once, roaring up at the ceiling like animals, even cupping both hands around their mouths to yell.

This scene does not look like applause. For us, the father-daughter pairs who are obviously just amateurs, but who gave it our all in this performance, this is really brutal treatment.

"I had no idea the entire audience would get up and boo at us..."

"It's really unexpected..." Wolfram says.

He's standing by Greta and I, who are feeling dejected.

Because he's wearing a helmet, his voice is muffled.

"It seems as if everyone is quite moved. That's the 'I want to pass on this feeling to His Majesty Shinou' gesture."

"What did you say? That's called being moved? I thought they wanted a refund! It looks like you can relax, Greta! Our performance seems to have been a success!"

"Really? Scary... Ha-- I thought we were doomed!"

I pick Greta up, rushing back on to the stage, where the audience is shouting for an encore. The audience smiles and points at us, saying, "Your Majesty, behind you! Look behind you!"

It turns out that we're being chased by Predator.

Backstage, there are fresh flowers everywhere.

The small green room is filled with bouquets of various kinds of brightly colored flowers, and also with the flowers' sweet fragrance.

"So pretty--"

"These are all for Greta, huh."

"Really? Then can I bring them all back home? Can I put these flowers in my room?"

"We'll get someone to help move them later."

I was preparing to stroke her soft curls, but the little girl's attention has already flown to the pile of gifts.

I'm sweating all over because I'm dressed in a costume that almost covers my entire body. It's very difficult just taking off the alien's rubber headpiece.

As my face hits the open air, the warm sweat quickly dripping down from my hair, I finally realize how difficult it is to play the part of the monster.

The next time I go to the Tokyo Dome, I won't look to shake hands with actor playing the hero. Instead, I'll shake hands with the villain.

"Haa--"

"What is it, Yuuri? You look really tired."

Wolfram has only removed the upper half of his costume. Even though he's been singing and dancing, he still looks relaxed.

Of course, that's also to be expected. After all, being the greatest hunter in the universe, Predator's outfit must be much lighter than Alien's.

"We've only moved a little and you're already covered in sweat. It's obvious that your regular exercise regimen is inadequate."

"My training, should be, more than, what, you do. Wasn't it just that your part was easier?"

"What? You're blaming our roles? Whose swordsmanship is better?"

"Predator should be better."

"Since it's like that, then it's only right that I play this part."

"What you've said isn't wrong, but you..."

"The candidate for The Crimson Goddess."[17]

Lord Wolfram von Bielefelt, in the short time that he was on stage, was skilled in three areas of performance. Not only were his movements smooth, but his temperament was perfect and he even had the talent to draw in the audience's attention.

There's only one thing I didn't like about his performance as Predator. As I'm about to point this out--

"May I come in?"

Knocking on the door a few times, Lord Weller peeks in.

"Conrad!"

Greta rushes over and pulls him into the room.

Conrad first praises today's leading actress, then looks over at the half-dressed actors and says, "Your Majesty's performance was also wonderful. The auditorium was filled with an intensity of feeling."

"Thank you for your words of praise... but Conrad, hear me out! I've been completely deceived! This guy is obviously a blond bombshell bishounen! Why doesn't he have a clear and high boy's voice, but is instead really mature and manly sounding?!"

"Well, was Your Majesty anticipating a high voiced alien? I'm sorry, I don't have Predator's data, and didn't know what his voice was like."

Predator's data?[18] The way he said it was ingenious. I'm unable to tell if it's a cold joke or not. However, Lord Weller continues to show his cheerful smile and says, "Don't you think that having a manlier voice gives more of a 'Predator is here!'[19] feeling?"

"Waaah--! I'm pretending not to hear it!"

There's no need to keep saying it!

"However, I regret that I'm not just here to joke around. Please come in; no one's going to be angry."

Unreadable Conrad looks at me, whose pain never ends, with his head lowered. He pushes the door open and calls in a small shadow.

The boy lifts up his head, his strawberry blond hair bobbing with this movement.

He looks to be about Greta's age, but if he's Mazoku, his real age will be more than that.

His appearance is neat; he's not wearing any accessories. At a glance, I can tell that he's not one of the aristocratic or wealthy children who were performing in the auditorium.

"Who is he?" Greta stands on her tiptoes to ask.

Hearing others ask about him, the boy blushes in embarrassment and clears his throat.

"That..."

"He's a very enthusiastic fan. His name is Pachiri. He was listening to the performance through the back wall."

"That...p-performance was wonderful!"

The boy forcefully interrupts Conrad and presents the thing he was hiding behind his back.

"For Her Highness the princess!"

It's a white flower that can be found anywhere in the courtyard. Although it's smaller than the flowers that fill up the room backstage, it's actually quite delicate and beautiful.

Seeing how the gift was given with sincerity, the leading actress is overjoyed.

"Why don't you put it in her hair?"

Knowing very well how little girls think, Lord Weller says these words with a professional smile.

"Un."

Pachiri, fingers shaking uncontrollably, puts the flower into the reddish brown hair.

"Look, look! Isn't it pretty--?"

Greta walks back over to us with the white flower in her hair, slightly embarrassed.

She's very pretty, really very pretty.

Daughter, your two daddies' feelings are very complex.

Wolf is gripping the shotgun prop very tightly. A vein is throbbing in his temples, almost completely ruining his pretty boy appearance.

Perhaps Pachiri gained some courage after giving her the flower. He probably wants to win over the fathers, so this time he directs his speech toward us. He might be using a little too much effort, because he's stuttering a bit.

"The song, was great! I heard that Your Majesty personally wrote it. I've never heard it before. It's really, really, really, really good."

"Thanks."

Wolf and I raised our right hands at the same time.

Because we went into Daddy Mode at the exact same time, our response was quite cold.

"Since the song was so great, I memorized all of it. I really memorized all of it! When I'm out in the schoolyard, I'll definitely sing it to the younger kids!"

Then he closes his eyes, lifts his chin up a little, and starts singing a part from the song's climax.

It's the "more goo, Alien" part.

"Humans are so troublesome! To outer space for a big fight!"

I was preparing to apologize for writing such idiotic lyrics, but his beautiful singing has rendered me speechless.

This is the beautiful tenor that I've been waiting for, the angelic sound that won't lose to the Vienna Boys' Choir.

I think I can see wings behind Pachiri's back.

Just listening to him makes my emotions flow with the song.

If he were to sing of his heart's sorrow, the audience would fall under that influence; if he were to sing a happy song, my heart would also be filled with happiness. That's the type of feeling his singing gives.

"That was surprisingly great! It's amazing how you have such a beautiful voice! You sang really well!"

"Eh... Your praise is too much. I'm not... I'm not that good."

"Don't be so modest. What do you mean, 'not that good'? Have you gotten professional training? After having an instructor, your singing is outstanding."

"That is, may I ask... What does an 'instructor' instruct? My teacher is just the headmistress."

"Headmistress... I get it; you're a student at a famous music conservatory, right? So that means you're either going to sing operas or musicals? Damn, it's too bad this country doesn't have a place like Broadway. I'd go with you and sign you up for it right away."

"Your Majesty."

I'm really excited, and Conrad has to calm me down before he can correct me.

"Pachiri hasn't had any special music lessons. He lives in the orphanage just outside the castle walls. I remember that all the children there are looked after by the headmistress alone."

"Orphanage?"

"Yes."

"If it's an orphanage, then your teacher is like a family member... So that's how it is. No wonder you aren't studying at a conservatory. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have blurted out those wild guesses."

I'm so thoughtless. My mood just went from high and excited all the way down to the bottom of a valley. To the two children, I'm just an embarrassing guardian.

Greta keeps looking over at the boy and me, then asks Pachiri with a slightly stiff tone, "Your dad and mom aren't here anymore?"

"That's right."

He awkwardly grips his hands behind his back.

"Since you don't have any family, are you lonely?"

"No."

He tilts his head, then repeats his response. "No. I have lots of friends at the orphanage, and there are also lots of kids who are younger than me. We get along really well, just like real siblings. The headmistress says we're actually very lucky, and I think so, too. She said that during the war, no one was willing to help orphans. But kids born after the war have things to eat and a place to live. Also, starting this year, we're getting a lot more money from the government, so there's even time to teach the younger kids how to read. The headmistress is happy, and I'm happy."

Pachiri delivers these words all with one breath until his face turns red, then he looks at me with shining eyes.

"Thank you, Your Majesty!"

"Ah, I haven't done anything..."

I'm the one who should feel embarrassed. I stare down at the floor, but there's only my brown, goo-covered feet in that direction.

I did look over the budget request once, and made a big fuss over looking after the people's standards of living and education. I also made an unreasonable decree: "It's fine if we don't paint the walls with gold leaf. Use that money to establish a compulsory education system."

But the person who calculated the expenses, raised funds, and carried out the writing and implementation of the detailed policy wasn't me.

It was Lord von Voltaire and Lord von Kleist.

The person accepting your heartfelt thanks right now is a man who only knows how to make a big fuss. Knowing this makes it impossible for me not to lower my head in shame.

If I'd known earlier that I'd be too ashamed to show my face, then I wouldn't have used the excuse of being "unfamiliar with government administration" to push all the work onto my aides back then. At the very least, it's only right that I should be the one to complete my own proposals.

The boy hasn't noticed my regret. He's talking with Greta and Wolfram about "family" things, even proudly talking about his "siblings".

"A few years ago, our work kept us busier than our studies. I never thought we'd have time every day to learn writing and math. The older kids, like me, are also sometimes responsible for teaching the younger kids. They learn really fast; they're really smart."

"You said 'work'. What did you do?" Greta, who has never left the castle, asks. Lord Weller responds to Greta's question in his place.

"In order to receive government funds for operation, the orphanage makes bread and cheese and other long-lasting rations for the soldiers, and they regularly deliver these to the castle. Pachiri was pushing his cart on the way back to the orphanage. Fortunately, he passed by the theatre."

"We just make dried meat and fish, and there are also foods like dried vegetables that return to their normal size after soaking in water. The headmistress is the one who makes the preserved food... I think Your Majesty...hasn't seen this type of food before?"

"I know about it. It's similar to dried mackerel and frozen dehydrated cabbage, right? I've not only seem them, but I've also eaten them before."

"Really?"

Then I suddenly saw the light. The things that I've eaten might not have been made here, but every time I open a cup of instant ramen it's just like the foods he describes.

"They're really convenient."

As soon as I think of pouring hot water on the vegetables, as well as on the miso soup and the noodles, my suppressed hunger involuntarily makes itself known. I didn't even eat lunch before the performance.

Because Greta was leaning her whole body against me, I didn't notice that she had turned her head around to look at me unhappily.

"...Hate them." She stomps her foot as she scornfully says, "Greta hates dried vegetables and meat the most!"

"Hey, you can't say that." I quickly grab her shoulder, but it's too late and she can't take back her words.

"Is that so?" Pachiri is suddenly depressed. He lowers his head like a withered flower.

She would normally never say such cruel words. What kind of bad experience did Greta have?

Well, I can't verify it now. I have to hurry to pull the topic back.

"But you're really great! You're so young, and you're already working and studying at the same time. Since you're so talented, would you like to try for a scholarship to enter a specialty school? I bet your grades in music are really good."

"Grades?"

The boy asks me as if it's his first time hearing the noun. Now I realize that our conversation is never going to match up.

"I was referring to the grades you get in school. If they're not bad, then it's possible for the school authorities to write you letters of recommendation. Uh...your teacher, and in the music class..."

Wolfram shifts a bit.

Though I don't know why, his face is getting more and more disgusted.

Conrad saw his restless little brother, and started speaking to resolve my problem.

"He hasn't had any music lessons."

"Whoa, he hasn't?"

"Only children of wealthy merchants and the nobility receive higher education. They are the only ones who will have lessons in artistic subjects. Schools for ordinary children would not have the fine arts in their curriculum."

"Right-- I didn't know that."

So they don't have things like Japanese elementary and middle schools, where students have choir practice. They don't learn "Little Brown Jug" or "Neko Funjatta"[20].

"Language and math are more important."

"That's true, but... This way, won't it influence the what's it called... the knowledge, strength, quantity, and quality of art education?"

It's true that language and math have practical applications and are very important, but I looked at a newspaper recently, and it had an article that said, "childhood music education has a large influence in promoting brain development". And also, also...

"Get over here."

"It hurts! Ow, ow! Stop it, Wolfram!"

Perhaps the more I say, the angrier he gets. Driven beyond the limits of his patience, Wolfram angrily grabs my ear and drags me to the corner of the room.

"Don't do that; it really hurts!"

"Listen clearly, Yuuri. Even if you're cracking jokes in front of the commoners, there's a limit!"

"When was I joking?"

"Didn't you just say it? That you want to let him study music? What a joke. Are you going to be just like before, doing whatever you feel like, and establishing another troublesome system?"

"I haven't just done whatever I felt like. The way you speak of it is out of line," I mutter in disappointment.

I thought I did well; I didn't think the proposal would be so easily dismissed by other people.

"Listen up. If it wasn't for the fact that the new king wanted to establish an elementary school, the commoners wouldn't even need to accept any education. It's enough that children loitering around the street corners learn the vocational skills necessary for work. Those who don't want to inherit the family property, or those who truly want to receive education, can join the military academy. The people have always been living like this, and there haven't been any problems. It's only you who's been saying, 'compulsory education, compulsory education'. That's the only reason we're giving away free education to the children too young for employment!"

"What you say may be true."

The atmosphere is getting weirder and weirder.

It's not only his expression. Even his eyes, which are usually emerald green, have become a dark green, indicating that he's about to explode with rage.

"Just building the school and hiring teachers cost a lot of money! You said even the villages should be places where one can receive primary education, isn't that right? Moreover, the entire nation has to carry this out together. Do you have any idea how much stress you put on my older brother? All of this is because you're such a strong advocate of letting the commoners learn how to read, learn how to write, and raise their computational capabilities!"

"Wolf..."

"And now it's like this. It's not enough to let the commoners learn language and math, but now you want to let them learn art which they can't apply to their daily lives? Learning to sing can come from listening to the parents sing. Dancing can be acquired naturally by participating in rites and ceremonies. Do you really think it's necessary to use national funds to let those below us learn these things?"

"Wolf!"

"What? Are you thinking of refuting this?"

Of course I am.

I was just introspecting on how I shouldn't make other people work on my policies. In order not to make the same mistake again, I thought I needed to look into this more, and present the proposal only after I had prepared a plan that I could personally see carried out.

So I now have a rebuttal, even if it's only aimed at admonishing him for his way of thinking.

I hold up both hands in front of my chest, trying my best to keep my emotions in check.

"Your view seems full of discrimination."

"What did you say? When was I being discriminatory?"

"All right, all right, you can stop the lover's spat now!"

My most beloved daughter changes the topic away from the explosive situation just in time. But what "lover's spat"?

"You're wrong, Greta. We weren't fighting."

Who was it? Who taught my daughter such a strange noun?

"That... I'm sorry."

When I turned back, I discovered Pachiri standing by the doorway with his face drained of color.

"I'm really sorry. If it was something I said that was disrespectful...then..."

Lord Weller kneels down, putting them at just the right height to meet eye to eye, and comforts him in a gentle voice.

I only see the kid lightly nod in response, but tears keep streaming down his cheeks.

As soon as Wolfram and I see this scene, we hurry to comfort him as well.

"Ah! You've misunderstood, Pachiri! You haven't said anything disrespectful!"

"That's right, I must thank you for giving the flower to Greta!"

We're not even mad about the intimate behavior you showed toward our precious daughter. That's right, there's nothing for us to be angry about.

"Thank you for coming to see our performance. Next time, if we have another school festival, we'll prepare a seat for you in the audience."

When the red-eyed boy nodded happily--

"Your Majesty--!"

"Oh, no. It's Günter."

From the far end of the hall, Lord von Kleist and the spectators scream together.

Presumably, his beautiful gray hair is now moving parallel with the ground as he charges over at a fierce speed.

"He must be done with his managerial duties by now. This sucks. If he finds me, he'll definitely harass me with a hug, caress my face, cover my whole body with Günter juice."

And that's not all it takes to settle things.

I'll also be forced to listen to him praise His Majesty the Maou's beauty and intelligence, and this will take at least two hours!

His praise makes me so embarrassed that I could die. For me, speaking of those things is like torture.

"Your Majesty, if you want to leave before Günter catches you..." Conrad, who understands the way I think, winks at me and points to the door, saying, "Then you'll have to quickly take off the costume."

"Okay, I'll get it off in ten seconds! Greta, help me pull."

"Un!"

Pachiri lifts his head. Even his speaking voice is a high boy's voice. "I know a shortcut that leads to the castle!"

"That's great. Then we'll have to trouble you to show us the way. Thank you, Pachiri."

"No, it's nothing."

Less than a minute later, Lord von Kleist arrives in the backstage room where we fled in a hurry.

"Ah! This is bad! He's shed his shell, the outer covering! How, Your Majesty? How have you become a molted shell?"

According to the news I received afterward, Günter was not the only person in the green room at the time.

A creature with eight eyes was in the flowers, gleaming eyes filled with envy, watching our motions from beginning to end.

The horrible sounds echo through the castle halls. It happened after I, who steadfastly keeps to an early to bed, early to rise schedule, had fallen into a deep sleep.

"Hoot! Ding! Dong! Huuuooorrrreeengooooohh!"

I wake up scared and jump up, wanting to cry. It's like the frighting yells of a wild beast. "Ah, what's the matter? What strange sound was that? Was it a baboon, or has Tarzan come?"

"The noise is coming from Greta's room!" Wolfram's voice almost makes me roll off the bed in shock.

"Greta's room?"

There are only two reactions for this. Rolling off the bed represents the angry and frightened response, "What did you say? My precious daughter is in serious trouble right now!" Adding a little bit of suspicion, it was like the sound of a dying Hibagon[21]. Was that really Greta's voice?

But as I run up to Greta's room out of breath, I'm faced with an unexpected development.

"Are you okay, Gr..."

I can't even get out the first syllable of her name.

The entire room is in a miserable condition, like the set of a horror movie.

I haven't even had time to finish the sentence, "Are you okay, Greta?" before I see her body, dressed in light blue pajamas. Her arms are crossed in front of her as she stands on the bed with an extremely self-satisfied expression. She's panting, but no matter how I look at it, she doesn't seem to have been attacked.

"What are you doing... No, what happened here?"

My hand is resting on the open door. I've already been scared stiff.

Wolfram's nightgown almost slipped off.

"It was a spider! A giant spider was attacking!"

"No, wait a minute, it could also have been a moth larva. They'll also spit a huge, scary ball of silk at people."

In front of me is an area that looks like an alien's nesting ground. All around, the walls are covered in web-like silk.

Coming down from all four corners of the ceiling are also prey covered in tenacious hanging strands of silk. That should be the food for the baby aliens.

"F-food?"

"Ah! Yuuri, Wolf!"

Oh no, we've been found!

No, that's not right. It's just that Greta spotted us and jumped down from the bed. And she even thumped her perfect little head on my belly.

"Aww...s-super cute. No, no, now's not the time to talk about that. Greta, where did this stuff come from? It was thieves who actually dared to sneak into a little girl's room in the middle of the night! As a father, I could wring their their necks three times and it wouldn't be enough! Are you okay, Greta? Are you hurt? How much stuff did we lose? Oh! What happened to this room's guard?"

"There hasn't been a report of an invasion... Ah!"

Conrad hurries over with several soldiers in tow. Upon seeing the terrible condition of the room, he couldn't help but marvel at it.

"It has an artistic feel to it. Did Greta make this trap?"

"Trap?"

Hearing Conrad's praise, Greta lightly jumps back on the bed.

"Aren't I really fierce? Awesome! As long as they meet the Trap Girl Greta, all evil people will end up with the same fate!"

"Trap...Girl...Gre... Wait a minute. Greta. Explain from the beginning. What's this about a Trap Girl Greta? Daddy doesn't remember raising such a child!"

"It's because..."

The ten year old girl puffs out her cheeks resentfully. She grabs my hand and starts explaining nonstop.

"Because Greta doesn't have magic. I can't become the Poison Lady like Anissina! But traps don't need magic, so I thought I'd better become Trap Girl Greta!"

"In the future, please don't decide to do something so scary all by yourself, okay?"

Anissina... Why does it have something to do with Lady Anissina again?

"I heard that."

As if hearing my innermost thoughts, Lady Anissina von Karbelnikoff nimbly steps forward. "What happened? The agonizing cries[22] made the psychology lab's 'Sympathy-kun' react with excessive sympathy, and it even filled up with tears. Ah!"

The Red Devil who strikes fear into the hearts of Shin Makoku's men, the Poison Lady Anissina, lifts up the corners of her beautiful lips into a confident smile.

"It was a great trap. You must have looked through my collection of books, A Woman's Trap, Awful Demonic Silk Threads for Trapping Men, At the End of Love and Desire There Awaits a Billionaire? Or Steamy Hell? Isn't that right?"

"No way, the title and the contents are too different..."

No matter what time it is, Anissina always appears full of energy.

Her sky blue eyes are always shining with knowledge and curiosity. With her hands are clasped in front, she stands leaning back with her head tilted up, which makes her petite figure look very dignified. Her red hair rests at her back, and she's also wearing what looks to be a very warm long dress.

To her, this isn't sleepwear, but rather an outfit for late night experimentation.

"Anyway, who are these people? Since no one has stormed the castle, they must be people from within the castle!"

Wolfram unsheathes his sword, grips it tightly, and slices down one of the bundles hanging in the middle of the room. He's wearing a cream colored nightgown and holding a longsword; that type of appearance totally doesn't match up. This time, the body, which I doubt is human, has started to struggle.

"Ack--"

"Why don't you let them down, Greta. They can't fight back in this condition."

After hearing me speak, Greta immediately begins to look embarrassed. She hunches in a bit and says, "But Greta is a novice Trap Girl. I don't know how to release the prey yet."

She isn't even done speaking when Anissina takes up a large pair of shears and cuts down the webs. Each captured prey lets out a muffled thump as it falls to the ground. I guess there's no need for a special technique.

The guards finally get the hint and start following her lead. I only see four of the things fall to the ground one after another.

Only as they removed the trap covering the entire bodies are we able to get a look at the faces.

"I've never seen these guys before. Wolfram, you recognize them?"

"I don't recall..."

"Outsiders don't never have no kindness. Bah! Bah! Bah!"

One of the four people spits out his mouthful of silk, and it's only with great difficulty that he can get out these words for everyone to hear. In the blink of an eye, he had evolved from prey to a human being.

"It's no surprise that you don't recognize us. It's because we've always been hiding in Blood Pledge Castle, so we haven't had any contact with the outside world."

The intruder who was speaking seems to have finally noticed me standing with Greta. At once, he peels off the rest of the trap stuck to his body.

"Your Majesty! Ah, Your Majesty the new king! How can this be? I never meant for you to meet me while I was wrapped up like an eggroll! Ah, please don't look. I beg of you not to look upon this ugly caterpillar!"

He's crying as his body sways with pain, and then he molts out of his covering.

As for the other three still lying on the ground, they also start to wriggle similarly while shedding their skin.

The four muscular, half-naked men struggle to get out of the trap. Their hair colors are gold, platinum, brown, and purple, respectively, but their uniforms are all the same.

No, their clothes are too stupid to be called uniforms.

Because their uniforms...are just huge muscles, white poofy pants, and little bow ties.

Also, their skin is unnaturally glossy.

"If I had known our prey were muscular... and half-naked men wearing bow ties, I would have left them all rolled up."

"No, Greta! Don't look or you'll hurt your eyes!"

The four men don't pay any attention to Wolfram and me. They start getting into position to introduce themselves.

Once the four of them are lined up properly, it looks like the letter N, and it seems as if each person's spot has already been predetermined.

The leader, the one wearing a light yellow bow tie, snaps his fingers and they all start marching in place. Presumably, that was their secret signal.

In my mind, I give them the caption, "And now for today's musical number."

"Our wonderful bodies, reborn under the desert sky, are made to please His Majesty the Maou. We devote our lives to His Majesty. If not us, then who?!"

"Chungachungachungachung--"

"Shout to the heavens, to Earth, to man, and summon me. With hard work and skill, I will protect His Majesty the Maou's good fortune."

"The five of us together are the 'Crazy Hunky Manservant Corps?'!"

Ending it in the form of a question seems inadequate.

For all of them, after they finished speaking their lines, there would also be a huge explosion.

The air in the room is really bad now.

"By the way, the fifth member is out because he pulled a muscle."

"We asked him to rest up and take care... Wait, why am I talking about him? That has nothing to do with introducing myself!"

"Ah-- Really, it's pointless to keep speaking. Quickly, round them all up and throw them in jail!" Wolfram, who was already angry at having to get out of bed, got even angrier than me.

"P-please wait, wait! We beg of you to listen to our story!"

"In that case, don't talk about whatever corps, just state your name and rank. Also, no more choreographed movements. Unless you love your own muscles that much? Or you're deliberately trying to provoke me into feeling inferior, therefore forcing me to punish you, huh?"

"Nonononono, no it's not like that! It's really not like that!"

The man with the yellow bow tie waves his hands in denial; his dark gold hair gently shakes along with it.

All of them have mushroom hair. Strangely, I care very much about this.

"We came from deep within Blood Pledge Castle, from behind a rarely used corridor, to greet the new His Majesty the Maou. We also came because we are proud of the faces and bodies of the 'Crazy Hunky Manservant Corps?'. We embrace the idea of 'Perhaps We're Very Handsome?' so we took on this name."

The brunet with the blue bow tie adds, "I'm Blue Crazy Hunk Glenn!"

Ta da!

The man with the light blond hair and red bow tie says, "I myself am Red Crazy Hunk Monore!"

Ta da da da--! We just told you not to do those explosive poses. Anyway, there's this small matter of no importance, but I found out that this man's nipples are crooked.

Next is the man with the orange bow tie. "Oh, it's Ou's turn! Ou is a Crazy Hunk!"

I really want to say, "There's no way that there could be a guy speaking Kansai-ben[23] in a fantasy world!" Leaving that aside, the thing that's making me feel uneasy about them is that their names aren't unified at all.

Last is their polite leader. He pulls at his yellow bow tie and says, "And I am the exploding mayonnaise blossom, Mayo. Yes, Your Majesty, the weather's getting warmer and warmer. Soon, it will be Your Majesty's season."

Mayo, who's in the lead, seems to want to direct the rest of them.

"Today, in order to show off our performance skills, we have come from far away to Her Highness the Princess's room. Peroperopero!"

As soon as he finishes speaking, he places his hand next to his mouth and an endless stream of playing cards comes flying out.

Greta quickly dodges to the side, giving a response appropriate for a young girl. "Eew-- Gross!"

"I wanted to use that new magic to please everyone..."

Honestly, I feel really awkward.

Because I've already seen that kind of stuff on television, and anyway, Lady Anissina could probably come up with magic that's a lot more frightening.

Wolfram has managed to suppress his anger at having been woken up, and is preparing to return to sleep in his standing position.

The guys keep trying to flex their muscles into making everybody applaud. Although they're not scaring anyone, they're not getting the applause they want.

I tilt my head in confusion, and discover that the always calm and collected Lord Weller unexpectedly has his mouth half open in surprise.

"C-Conrad?"

It looks like I'll have to change my previous evaluation of him.

"Awooawooawoo, didn't everyone think that was interesting? What was that? It was magic, magnificent magic!"

Apparently, within the 'Crazy Hunky Manservant Corps?', the performance duties are relegated only to the one with the cream-colored bow tie, Mayo. The other three are just there to stand behind him while flexing their muscles and singing "la la la~", probably in an attempt to provide background music.

At this time, Mayo gave a great big cheer and brought his hands together in a clap. "Come on, Mayo. Come on, Mayo... Come on, Mayo!"

I'm only able to see a small flame burst out before the whole room is filled with beige-colored smoke.

As the smog gradually dissipates, I see that there's still a gray body left stuck on the ceiling from the Trap Girl's masterpiece, and it's wriggling.

"Aaaah!"

"Hey, what....ah!"

Greta shouts loudly; I'm so scared that I shout, too.

Wrapped up in many layers of silk are three gigantic spiders.

Its abdomen is about as big as a man's head, and with its eight bristly legs, it nimbly scuttles into the corner.

I desperately hold onto Greta, who's standing on the bed, reaching out to touch them. After all, they're basketball-sized spiders. No matter what, she can't just casually touch them.

"Stop, Greta! It's dangerous to reach out like that. What if you get bitten?"

"How could they bite me? They're not poisonous, they're bat bristle crabs."

"Bat bristle...uh, crabs? That's not right. No matter how you look at them, aren't they super huge wolf spiders?"

"No way. It's a bat bristle crab. It's really rare to see them outside of the forest. So amazing--! Where did these come from?"

Finally succeeding with his difficult performance, the man with the bow tie smiles brightly at the princess. "I haven't used any secret techniques or tricks. Because it's wonderful magic."

"But the other three people have disappeared. It really makes you wonder." Lady Anissina's callous voice frightens Mayo until he's trembling uncontrollably.

Conrad and I also have a bad feeling about this, so we look all around the room.

I can't find them. They were just here, Red, Blue, and Orange, and now there's no sign of them.

"Mayo, you wouldn't have used alchem...wah!"

"Yuuri, that phrase is never to be spoken!"

Wolfram, who had dozed off, suddenly wakes up to slam his hand over my mouth. He probably was choked awake by the smoke.

"Nonononono, Your Majesty, Your Excellency, this isn't anything dangerous. Actually, our performance is thought up specifically to please Your Majesty the Maou. We've practiced many times to be able to use this skill. It isn't anything that should worry you."

However, the sound of the brass bed frame breaking interrupts Mayo's speech.

With her long, fiery red hair thrown over her shoulder, Anissina crosses her hands over her chest. She straightens her back minutely and levels a fearless smile at the man with the bow tie. "Stop it with the idle chatter."

Lady Anissina kicks the wall behind her with the heel of her sharp-toed boots, and it immediately smashed through and made a hole in the wall. I had originally planned to pretend not to see that, but the impact shakes up to the ceiling and the bat bristle crabs fall down one by one.

"Well."

Astonishingly, as soon as those gray things touched the floor, they vanished, leaving only a bunch of men in poofy pants writhing on the ground.

Could it be that we all just saw an illusion?

"I hadn't thought that you would use smoke to induce collective hypnosis. That's rather arrogant. Looks like you have some experience with poisonous substances, huh."

Only when I heard "poisonous substances" did I notice that my throat suddenly hurt a lot, and I feel like I want to cough, but I can't.

"Don't worry, everyone! It's just part of the equipment to develop the magic!"

The mad scientist, Lady Anissina von Karbelnikoff, pulls out a piece of flag-like cloth that was tucked into her chest. She swings it around, making a 'patapata' sound.

"I just have to use this magic air purifier, 'Forever Clean Machine'[24], and it will put the smoke to good use as well as dispel the collective hypnosis. What's wrong, Mayo? You can only fool an average toxicologist. In the end, you won't be able to compare to me, the Poison Lady, who has studied this to the point of perfection."

"Ha, haha-- Of course."

Seeing their leader horribly defeated(?) in front of their eyes, the three other guys sit down and begin to sob.

With victory all hers, the insufferably arrogant Lady Anissina waves her flag while interrogating the men. "You said that you were from deep within Blood Pledge Castle, from behind a corridor that few people ever visit?"

They nod.

"So this group of crazy men..."

They nod.

"Is from the Maou Oku?"

Ta da da da--! This is really an appropriate opportunity for a choreographed explosion.

Maou Oku... What a strange name. Although I'm supposed to be the master of Blood Pledge Castle, I only know about as much as Greta. There are many things I don't know here, and also many names of places I'm only hearing for the first time.

"Conrad, what's the Maou Oku?" I don't want anyone else to find out about my ignorance, so I whisper, but unfortunately I don't get the desired result.

"Actually, I'm not very clear on that, either. I think...Günter would know about it."

"Ah, Günter would know. Anyway, what happened to Günter? It's really weird. Something this big is happening, and Günter's always foaming at the mouth to catch up to us, but he isn't here."

Lady Anissina, who was waving her flag with pride, suddenly looks like she's just remembered something and puts her finger to her lip. "Oh, oops! How could I be so forgetful? I left Lord von Voltaire tied up on the merman exercise machine, 'Little Carp-kun' and ran over here. It's about time I went back to let him out, otherwise if he uses it for too long, he might sprain his hips from all the twisting and shaking."

What's this "Maou Oku"?

It's for the Maou to seek entertainment and cure his weariness, because although he holds an incomparably high position, he cannot leave the castle. At times, it's also to satisfy his nightly passions, and because it's located deep within Blood Pledge Castle, outsiders cannot enter. It's a secret place; a midnight garden exclusively for the Maou.

Besides the Maou, no one else can enter. In addition, it's said that the people who take care of the place all wholeheartedly adore His Majesty the Maou and have pledged their body and mind to him.

Mayo clasps his hands over his stomach and says as if he's in a dream, "It's heaven on earth, the Maou Oku."

"But the thing is, no matter how much I hear it, it still sounds like some sort of job."[25]

Greta lies down with her head on my knee. She's fallen asleep.

Lady Anissina rushes back from attending to her magical exercise machine. "That takes care of it. If the Maou is out prowling the streets every night, playing until dawn, that would cause many problems. That's why this exclusive playground for the Maou was established. In other words, this ōoku where the Maou doesn't have to worry about selecting a companion."

(Meanwhile, it looked like Gwendal really had sprained his hip. Lady Anissina smiled and said, "But don't worry, I have this special machine that will cure you, 'Sparkling Fish'[26].)

"Ōoku... In Japanese, that would be '大奥'... That is to say, it's a HAREM?[27] Wait a minute? The Maou definitely has a harem? In other words, this 'Maou Oku' place is filled with the beautiful women that past Maous have gathered? Or were they really picky?"

Thinking about that, my entire mind is overwhelmed by sexy daydreams.

I never thought that the scenarios in my older brother's favorite bishoujo games would be reenacted in Blood Pledge Castle.

Girls in various outfits from different time periods, all looking after the Maou. There's a girl in a swimsuit, and one in a sailor fuku.

Ah! I'm the Maou! Rejoice! Yeah, it's good to be the Maou. I really want to shout out, "Long live the Maou's harem!" and then run around in celebration on the roof of the castle.

On the other hand, the two people who know the secret about their mother are crouched in a corner, looking very sorrowful.

They're having a long talk right now; holding a meeting between brothers.

Even if they feel bad being surrounded by these muscular guys, there's no need to get so depressed, is there?

"Mayo, what do you guys do in this 'Maou Oku'?"

"Since we're entertainers, we sing and dance, put on plays and perform magic, etc. Our job is to continuously improve each aspect of performance in order to please Your Majesty the Maou. Yes, yes. Also, musicals such as the one you performed today with Her Highness the Princess are also our specialty."

"To... To outer space for a big fight..." Greta talks in her sleep as she sprawls over my knee.

"If it's to the Maou's liking, we will learn to perform it no matter what. That is our duty. Actually, the Maou's Ōoku is a place for Your Majesty when you are weary from official duties."

"So it's like a place to relax, wind down?"

The four men nod, their mushroom heads swaying in tandem. Tomorrow night I'm definitely going to have dreams about mushrooms.

"But..." The mushrooms lower their heads all at once. "But since that first day, the Maou has not come in."

"Could it be that we've become tiresome?"

"I fear it's due to the success of her Free and Easy Quest for Love," Anissina says as she inspects the wall, collecting pieces of the broken stones around the vicinity of the hole-- The hole that she obviously created.

The four mushroom men get into a formation with their hands on their knees. "No matter what, we performers must maintain our beautiful appearances. Otherwise, our guest Your Majesty the Maou won't support us, and we would be rehearsing for nothing if we could never take the stage. For performers like us, it would be a fate worse than death."

So they're dissatisfied with never getting to go on stage?

If I think of it as waiting for baseball season to begin...

It's really very painful.

But even though I'm a huge fan, and I'll feel really impatient, it's got to be a lot more painful for the players themselves.

"After asking about the situation outside, we heard that the previous Maou had abdicated, and Your Majesty had taken office. Therefore, we decided to invite the new king to the Maou Oku."

"Un!"

"That's why we crossed the deserted corridor! We only wished to meet the new His Majesty the Maou!"

"Un, un!"

The responses are getting more and more powerful.

"We hoped that Your Majesty would come see the performance that we worked so hard to rehearse; we awaited Your Majesty's decision concerning the Maou oku. So we first slipped into Her Highness the Princess's room. We recreated the musical from this morning, hoping that we would please Her Highness the Princess enough that she would introduce us to Your Majesty. It was for this reason that we wore our finest costumes, these pure white poofy pants!"

I don't agree with their fashion sense.

"The poofy pants don't have enough impact on their own."

"Yeah! Uh...what? What are you saying, Anissina? I was really scared!"

"But Your Majesty, what if they weren't wearing poofy pants? What if, while on stage, they were wearing thong underwear just like Your Majesty's? Please take a moment to imagine it."

I try to imagine what they would look like in thong underwear.

"Arrest them immediately!"

So much destructive power.

They walk through the dimly lit halls in a line.

Because I accepted Mayo and his friends' request, I'll be going to visit the Maou Oku for the first time since ascending to the throne.

I left Greta asleep on her bed since she's not allowed to stay up late. However, I have no idea what they decided on in the meeting between brothers because Conrad and Wolfram didn't explain anything to me before they both started following me.

That place is supposed to be for the Maou only and no one else is permitted to enter, but since they're both sons of the former Maou, I'm sure it'll be okay. As for Anissina, her proposal was, "As long as we don't provoke 'Harem-sama[28]', there shouldn't be a problem".

Harem-sama... should be the steward of the whole place.

I'm not a little kid anymore, so of course I know how to show respect to authority figures.

The corridors we pass through are narrow and dim, but not dangerous. We arrive at the entrance to the Maou Oku. The entrance is just a regular door; no one would expect that there's some sort of garden behind that door.

With firm resolve, I nod to my friends and push open the door.

In the midst of the torrents of sound and light, all I can see is a horde of musclemen wearing different colored poofy pants and bow ties, the "official uniform". They all speak in one voice, calling out to me, "Welcome, Your Majesty! We are honored by your presence! Demonic Musclemen, Demonic Musclemen!"

In an instant, it's like the ground beneath me has suddenly vanished

and I'm falling. And my blood pressure drops quickly as the blood drains

out of my face, fingertips, and brain.

"So... So that's what it is..."

So the Maou Oku was an abbreviation for Demonic Musclemen...?[29]

Because my daughter's growing up, I decided to hold the first ever 'Shin Makoku Singing Dancing Family Party' to deepen our bond. It was a success, but the night the curtain fell, we woke up when we heard terrible screaming coming from Greta's room.

When we rushed over to the scene, we saw a bunch of suspicious musclemen in puffy white pants and colorful bow ties.

They introduced themselves as the 'Crazy Hunky Manservant Corps?' while tilting their heads to the side as if they were unsure. They said that they came from the depths of Blood Pledge Castle, from a little known area called the 'Maou Oku', and they were here to reclaim the Maou's attention.

I'm their reluctant master, and I never expected there to be a department in the castle I hadn't heard of before. How did this happen?

So I thought, "I have to check this out right away. I'll observe them before deciding how to deal with them." That's what a Maou would do.

But honestly speaking, I was certain that "Maou Oku = Ōoku = beautiful women the likes of which men can only dream of, all together in a HAREM!" I got carried away with the sexy fantasies and couldn't see the truth at all.

I only discovered it after I'd happily stepped into the room. It was a forest of muscles as far as the eye could see. ...No, it was a dizzying, infinite conga line of muscles.

It turns out that the previous Maou's idea of a harem wasn't having a group of lovely ladies to take care of Her Majesty, but that the Maou Oku was actually an abbreviation for Magical Musclemen.

Can we (mostly me) have our spirits lifted enough by their performance to come to the rescue of the Maou Oku and its strangely dressed inhabitants?

"At the very least, that uniform has got to go."

We enter through the main doors and went down the hall to the theatre. All the staff members are courteous and wearing ties.

The self-proclaimed best bank employee in the world, abbreviated "Super Banker" - that is, my dad - once said, "Wearing a tie is great. Working men become one with their ties, focusing all their drive on job ahead." But the thing is, from the bartender to the card dealer to the security guard, everyone here is topless.

Smiles, sparkling white teeth, topless but for their ties… you'd never see this in a modern banquet.

"At, at least it's better than bunny ears--"

"What's wrong, Yuuri? This should be like the costume for the national sport called sumo in the world you grew up in, which you've surely seen many times before?"

"There are no neckties in sumo!"

Those enthusiastic guys forcefully lead us into the theatre's only box seat to watch the musclemen show.

There's only one set of spectators now, but this theatre looks to be about the same size as NHK Hall[30]. Moreover, they seem to be moving around less than the musical; the first actors on stage are standing like muscle sticks.

Little girls and old ladies, all with killer abs. Also, as they near the emotional climax, the crew at once start to perform a jiggling-muscles song number.

They have me unwittingly humming along with the catchy melody:

"Muscle, muscle, muscle, muscles are, the, best--"

"Yuuri, are you in trouble? You've been brainwashed!" Wolfram, who had been stifling his yawns to watch the show with me, smacks my forehead several times.

Close call - I almost turned into a muscle groupie.

The opera ended, and they continued with another musical performance.

As "El Bimbo" started playing, they turn their vertical muscles into horizontal muscles, and then a little hairless animal, "Lucky-chan", climbed over their huge pecs.

Since they're half naked, there's nowhere to hide any props. From this perspective, it's like they're making magic without any tricks.

It's miracle-working, just beauty from purely physical techniques. They used a fantastic mirage to have a white tiger come out of its cage, and then subdued it with their bare hands. As far as white animals go, a lion is good enough[31].

I take advantage of the break in the program to poke Conrad in the side. He knows more about American culture than I do, though I'm the one who was born on Earth.

"I've never lived there, but doesn't this sort of feel like we're in Las Vegas?"

"It's missing the slot machines."

"I've never seen one of their shows, but doesn't this kind of feel like Takarazuka[32]?"

"I think there's a difference in gender... Apologies for my lack of diligence."

"Then what analogy should I use here?"

"I suppose it should be regarded as Your Majesty's exclusive playground." Lord Weller looks depressed. Maybe it's because it's the work of his own mother that's cropped up now and is giving him a major headache.

"But there's no baseball field here, and no scoreboard. We can't even round the bases."

"Because everything here was designed to cater to the tastes of your predecessor."

That is to say, everything here matches up with the interests of the previous Maou, Her Majesty Cecilie von Spitzweg.

This means that, from the golden walls to the dark red carpeting, and even the railings on the stairs covered in gemstones, all of it was decorated according to the previous Maou's wishes?

I can't help feeling a sense of foreboding.

"Does this mean that Cheri-sama likes musclemen?" I look over at Wolfram, who had just been sleeping and was preparing go back to sleep again. It seems like he's really not suited for tasks that involve staying up all night. "It can't be. Even though they say clothes can make the man, they won't completely alter a person."

But even though Wolf is a lot like his mother, I can't deny the possibility that his father could be a really buff man. Maybe in a few years, so fast that I'll be left in the dust, he'll have evolved into a muscleman...

At this point, a man in a light yellow bow tie, Mayonnaise Fried Calamari, also known as Mayo, stealthily pressed close to me while I was muttering to myself.

"Our passionately welcoming performance, how does it suit the new His Majesty the Maou?"

"It-- has something of a dream-like quality… Oh!"

With tearful eyes and fingers intertwined beneath a strong chin, he lifts his head to look at me in the pose of a big dog pretending to be a puppy.

To see the star performer put forth such an expression, who am I to say something negative?

"Um, ah-- It was exciting… I think it was rather exciting… It could be considered exciting… But Mayo, let's not talk about our impressions just yet. First, I have something I want to confirm with you. Are there only musclemen like yourselves here?"

"You mean to say…" Mayo raises one perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

"What I mean is, all I've seen up until now has been a bunch of muscles tumbling around… Sorry, I mean it's all men; there are no women around. From a certain perspective, wouldn't it be common sense that, in a musical not set during a war, there should be one or two softer female roles? So I wanted to ask if there were any cute little sisters or handsome ladies or any sexy women coming forth."

"Ah!" The man in the light yellow bow tie claps his hands once. He flashes a smile, blindingly white teeth glinting in the light. "If you're looking for a more handsome crossdresser, we have plenty of them here. Their physiques are a bit less than ours, but surely they can use their faces to make up for the lack… So is that how it is, that Your Majesty the new king prefers someone with a more natural charisma?"

"Eh? You're mistaken; I don't like crossdressers, I like real women."

He gently caresses his chin with a finger, "hmms" to himself while continuously nodding, and completely ignores my words.

"I truly regret that this point has completely slipped my mind. I shall immediately make an announcement calling for a nationwide search for pretty boys."

"Whoa! Don't do that! Seriously, please don't ever do such a thing!"

It looks like he's still ignoring me and is ready to put his plan into action. I try to grab Mayo's arm to block him, but because his oiled body is so slick, he slips out of my grasp-- The fact that he's made himself so slick and shiny is also worth noting.

But thinking back on what Mayo just said, it's obviously that my previous train of thought was wrong. The reason why the group is solely composed of beautiful men must be because theirs is an art that strictly prohibits women from joining.

Thinking about it more carefully, since the previous Maou was Cheri-sama, of course she wouldn't have women in her harem. Instead, it's chock full of men from all across the country.

It's just a fact of life.

I was confused by my fantasies of what a harem should be, and had such unrealistic expectations. I even dreamed that, on arriving here, I would finally be able to leave behind this life without women.

"I should have figured this out sooner…"

Wolfram, half asleep, lifts his head to look at me and mumbles:

"Yuuri, your eyes look dead."

"Wolf, let him be. His Majesty has just taken a step up the ladder to adulthood."

I watch as the older brother keeps the younger brother in check on my behalf. But then again, his thoughts are somewhat different from mine.

"He's in the process of deciding how to refit the Maou Oku so that it reflects his own tastes…"

"I'm not, I'm not really making any plans?"

The second son of the Maou Oku's previous master puts forth an unexpected expression, his mouth forming into a surprised O.

In desperation, I wave my right hand in front of my face. "A dissolution--! It'll simply be dissolved!"

"Y-your Majesty, what did you just say?" Mayo's face contorts into an expression of exaggerated surprise. It looks like his jaw was about to fall off.

"I said dissolved. The Maou Oku that Cheri-sama created is henceforth disbanded. Starting today, you all are now free to leave this cloistered place."

The other members of the Maou Oku, having just finished their performance, wipe off their sweat and start coming this way.

Each and every one of them has an expression brimming with satisfaction at having done a successful show.

I stand up from the luxurious box seat and clap three times to get their attention. I raise my voice so that the ones in back can also hear me, and I say as if I'm a famous director:

"Everyone, your acting was wonderful. So far, I've seen the most brilliant of performances, thank you. Though the happy memories ended too quickly, I've really appreciated being able to witness your great performances. Don't you agree, Wolf? Right, Conrad?"

"Ah? Yes."

"That's absolutely correct."

Hearing nothing but full praise from the audience, the performers raise their fists and shout out their joy.

I'm an idiot when it comes to art, but I still jumped in with a review of your performance - really sorry about that.

"And there's also something else I'd like to tell everyone: thank you all for your dedicated service to the Maou; it's been tough on you!"

Conrad frowns a little as he lifts his head to look at me. It seems like he wants to say something, but he's hesitating.

"In order to commend you for your contribution, I intend to forever preserve this corner of Blood Pledge Castle as the Maou Oku Theatre. However, the previous Maou who brought you all here isn't in the country right now. She's out traveling the world on a quest for free love. So from today on, this troupe is dissolved, and all your duties have been lifted!"

The men suddenly go pale. They start whispering to each other in confusion.

"There's no mistress for you to look after anymore, so you can all go home now!"

"Wait! Please wait, Your Majesty!"

Mayo can't hide the uncertainty in his heart, and he doesn't know how best to handle the situation, but he figures he should speak up anyway. As the representative of the Maou Oku, he cannot take this in silence.

"You're dissolving us? We're truly being dissolved? Th-that is, His Majesty the new king has no interest in us at all? This… h-how can this be… They were hand-picked by Her Majesty the previous Maou? They're all among the handsomest men from across the land?"

"What you say is true… Indeed, they're all very handsome men--"

Stop it, fantasies. Hello, cruel world.

I never thought that I would have such poor luck with the ladies that even my harem of hand-picked beauties would turn into a troupe of singing, dancing musclemen.

"But, you see, I'm also a man. I'm unable to see your performances as a relaxing getaway."

In an instant, Mayo's expression turns to one of sorrow, like he'd just lost his seven cute children[33] and is about to cry. "Is that why you have not enjoyed yourself?"

"That's not it. I had a great time watching, how could I not have enjoyed it? And I understand that your art is one that allows only men. There are some traditional performance arts that do things this way, like Kabuki, or Noh, or the ballet group that my mom buys tickets to every year - they're like that, too. It's just, in a sense, this is supposed to be my personal amusement park or nightlife paradise, except it's not. It's really very different."

Countless pairs of eyes are glued to their new master as his arms and legs gesture in ever more excited movements. How many people are there in this troupe?

"The most important thing is, what Cheri-sama wants in a playmate is different from what I want. Eh… Do you know what I mean? That person's always saying 'I think there's a man who likes me--' but for me, I'd hope for there to be girls who will like me. On top of that, I've never been a person who likes the nightlife. Or, more precisely, I should say that I'm usually too tired after baseball practice to do anything other than sleep in the evenings."

To my side, Wolfram abruptly nods in his sleep.

"So that's why I have no need for the Maou Oku. To keep you all here would be to forever have you rehearsing without a chance to perform. Isn't that meaningless?"

A memory of how I was two years ago suddenly flashes in my mind.

Always hoping that there would be a chance for me to be called in to play as a pinch hitter while remaining benched at every game, I practiced batting every day to prepare for a chance that I didn't know would ever come.

But I never did get to set foot in the field, nor did I ever get the opportunity to accept the crowd's applause.

"Isn't that meaningless?"

Since it's like that, what's needed is a change in the environment. A new world where one can continue to work hard. Doing this is also out of consideration for them. Perhaps there's another place with a baseball team that needs me; perhaps there's another place where people welcome you with pats on the back.

I was looking to the sky as I thought this, but now I shift back to see the puzzled expressions on the Magical Musclemen before me.

"What? You can go home now. And once you've gone back, you can start a new life. It's also okay if you want to stay here. If you're willing, you can join a new theatrical group and continue to perform. You're free to choose without obeying any government officials… That's not - I mean, you don't have to put up with any bullying or court politics to keep the king's favor."

I don't know if there's any bullying going on here. I think my speech is getting mixed up with the feel of historical dramas about imperial concubines.

"But, that-- Your Majesty…" blue bow tie Glenn finally says. The tone of his voice makes it sound like he needs to go to the bathroom, but is being forced to hold it in. "Even if you asked us to leave, we have no hometowns to return to."

"Ah, aren't you all from this country?"

"That's not what he means, Your Majesty." Conrad, who had been silent for a long while, says in a low and steady voice, "In order to work at the Maou Oku, these men have all received specialized higher education, learning skills that will please the Maou. Just removing their posts will not solve their behavior - that they will still be accustomed to acting in this exaggerated, eye-catching manner. I'm afraid they won't be able to lead normal lives among the general populace."

With what his sympathetic tone implied, the naked bow ties were filled with remorse. They lower their heads and remain silent.

But what is this so-called "specialized higher education" supposed to be?

I'm really want to know, but then I think it'll turn out to be something I actually didn't want to know. But then I also think that it'd be better if I knew, since it might come in handy later.

"Do you still want to fire them?"

"Fire…! Well, what do you want me to do instead?"

And here I thought Conrad was going to help me, when it was the opposite.

He's made me lose a lot of the energy I had before.

"We beg Your Majesty to reconsider!"

"Waaah!" Puffy pants and bow ties are surrounding me, all of them kneeling and begging with their hands clasped together. Their muscular shoulders, oiled as they are, still shine with a fearsome light.

"If you have even the slightest thread of pity for us, please keep us on, let us stay within the castle walls!

"D-do I have to keep you hired? Why don't you try joining another theatre group?" I look around and couldn't help but be overwhelmed at the scene, filled to bursting with handsome musclemen. "So many people… Won't it be hard?"

Their well-developed muscles are topped with sweat and oil, flashing across their skin. I've been thinking for a while now that it's strange. Just how many people are there?

Wolfram, who had been dozing off to the side, suddenly pushes up from his chair.

"Whaaa-- What's that flashing, why's the whole ground flashing!"

"Because their beauty oil dripped off and flowed over here. Careful, Wolf, you shouldn't fall asleep right after looking at this kind of thing! You'll definitely have nightmares."

"I wasn't sleeping! Caught in this kind of situation, how could it be possible to sleep!"

The third son, whose face was prettier than those of the Maou Oku, said this while tightly squeezing my hands, his expression appearing especially serious.

"And also, I, too, approve of the dissolution of this organization. What you said about 'not looking for men', you said it very well! Atta wimp, Yuuri."

"I can't tell if you're praising me or insulting me, but I want to clear something up. I never said I wasn't looking for men, just that I don't enjoy the nightlife. I don't enjoy the nightlife!"

His palm feels warmer than usual, maybe because of the excited atmosphere. The previous Maou's son shouts like he has the sun running through his veins and he's about to explode.

"Who cares! In any case, this kind of disgraceful organization ought to be dissolved as quickly as possible. Mother is so unbearable, her pleasure seeking has gone too far! Has she even thought of what her status means to the nation? To go as far as to waste national funds on such useless things… Yuuri, what is it? Why do you look so weird?"

Surprisingly, he supports my proposal, making me feel somewhat touched. It's probably that this has already showed up in my facial expression.

Oh my god! How surprising that Lord Wolfram von Bielefelt would actually say those words.

Wolfram, who I keep saying is a willful brat, unexpectedly had negative things to say about his mother, Her Majesty the former Queen.

"I think this is a really tough situation. This must be the first time you've openly criticized Cheri-sama, right? Have you brothers come to that conclusion together?"

"No."

Unexpectedly, Lord Weller shakes his head. It looks like the brothers' negotiations failed.

So Wolfram supports my decision; Conrad is against it.

Well I didn't see that one coming.

Having not yet come to a decision regarding the fate of the Maou Oku, it wouldn't do to just chase them out and end the negotiations that way. However, I feel as if I want to purposely keep avoiding that talk.

Who taught those musclemen to beg in such a frightening way.

They start to weep, lament the awfulness of this world, and they all kneel together.

"If Your Majesty has the least bit of pity for us, please keep us hired, let us stay within the castle walls! Please take pity on us--!"

"Please take pity on us!"

A whole colony of able-bodied adults flattering, charming, and begging the newly crowned wimp king. It must look hilarious to others. Having been unsettled by their groveling attitudes, I unconsciously mutter, "I'm sympathetic to you. Will you be happy now?"

"What?"

But I can't act coldly to them with their big, watery puppy eyes.

"Nothing, it's really nothing. I was just thinking for a bit, that although there's no need for nightlife entertainment within castle, and that won't change, it doesn't mean I have to undermine your existence. I'll think carefully on how to deal with this situation when I go back."

"Oh, such benevolent and heartfelt words! Thank you, thank you so much, Your Majesty!"

"No need for thanks, this is my job-- Letting everyone live a comfortable life is my job."

Mayo adjusts his bow tie, then "Ta da!" he shoots out a finger. Red bow tie and blue bow tie exit from the side of the main doors to send in two round objects.

"It may be but an insignificant gift, but Your Majesty is welcome to choose a souvenir."

Two pots of the same size and shape. If there weren't sheets of paper pasted on them, it would have been impossible to tell them apart.

One sheet is red, and the other, which looks about to peel off, is blue.

Short sentences are written on them in flowing calligraphy. They wouldn't be curses, would they?

"Should I choose the red one or the blue one… Seems like I've heard that phrase before. Did you want me to pick one of the two?"

Mayo, his face full of smiles, nods in response.

Since it's a souvenir, it should be a "pretty good item". However, seeing how they've been placed by either side of the entrance, the feeling is like that of guardian lions warding off evil spirits[34].

"These have been preserved from when the Maou Oku was completed, and were given to us to guard. According to Cheri-sama, they are unique among the world's valuables."

"Okay-- I like blue, so I'll just pick this one with the blue paper on it… Oh, wait a sec! If I open this, it won't pour out white smoke and turn me into an old man, centuries pass in the blink of an eye, that type of thing?"

Wolfram unconsciously keeps his distance from the pot. Lord Weller can't help but smile as he says, "Your Majesty, how could that be? It's not like in the story of Urashima Taro[35]."

"Conrad... Are you the reincarnation of Dave Spector[36]?"

Speaking of Dave Spector, he's still alive and well.

That's how things came to be, that right now, in front of me is a brown pot with a diameter of about twenty centimeters.

The measurements are just about right for an ordinary family to use it for pickling plums. There are cracks on the upper part, and covered with a water-blue cloth tied tightly with a cord.

"It wouldn't really be pickled plums inside, would it?"

I hum the muscle song that's been stuck in my head as I pace around the souvenir.

It's very lightweight, and it there aren't any sounds coming from within.

Wolfram doesn't care that it's morning already; he's still sleeping. Conrad's getting tea, so I'm the only one in the living room with the pot, staring at it with one eye squinted.

People always say not to eat things if you don't know where they came from, but this is in Blood Pledge Castle, and it's something that was from Cheri-sama's loyal servants in the Maou Oku. It's probably not poisoned?

Setting that thought aside for now, I'm not even sure there's actually food inside. Even though it does look like there are tasty pickled plums in there, I'll be fine as long as I don't eat them, right?

I can't stop myself from slowly untying the cord and lifting the cloth covering.

It doesn't smell like pickled plums.

It also lacks any sort of moldy odor even though it hasn't been opened for a long time. There's no odor at all.

"Did I pick the wrong one?"

I think to myself for a moment, "So the red one was the grand prize?" as I move to take a peek inside--

"KA-KA-KA-KA-KA!!"

"Aaah!"

A distorted sphere flies out along with the sound of a taiko drum. When it hits my face, it feels like a deflated rubber ball.

It doesn't hurt, but it scares me so much that I tip over my chair and fall to the ground.

"Yuuri?"

Lord Weller just returned from the kitchen and he doesn't even have time to set down the teapot before he rushes to my side.

As for that rubber ball, it keeps bouncing from wall to wall. It flies around the room like an automatic squash ball.

It's so fast that I can't follow it with my eyes; all I can see are blue lines.

All of a sudden it hits the ceiling and comes straight down at me.

I scramble away to protect myself.

"Conra... Wow, I feel... I feel like I'm... Ahhh--!"

The thing turned too quickly and hit the chair, but then it rebounded and now it's crawling into my...my...!

"There's something in my pants!"

"Calm down, please calm down!"

In order to prevent me from struggling, Conrad wraps both hands tightly around my leg. Because of this, my back is plastered to the ice-cold floor.

"Shh-- Please stay still for a moment."

He wants me to stay still, but that weird ball is inside my clothes, twisting around! I'm scared and I'm disgusted and I can't calm down.

I want to take off my pants right away and toss them into a washing machine. But that warm rubber ball has suddenly lost its elasticity. Now it's stopped in the vicinity of my right knee.

It doesn't feel like rubber anymore. Now it's like slime stuck to my leg.

"Uh, I think... It stopped on my leg."

"You don't need to say anything."

"I think... It's stuck to my knee."

Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but Lord Weller's expression looks very serious.

"I'll help you confirm it. Are you ready? I'm going to roll up your pants."

He carefully pulls up the pant leg. I'm not brave enough to look, so all I can do is look up at the ceiling. What the hell is on my right leg?

"Lord Weller?"

There's no response. It's the same with that thing; as soon as it attached to my leg, it stopped moving.

"Conrad?"

"Your Majesty..."

His reply is mixed with a sigh. With my right leg half-exposed to the cold air, I'm getting goosebumps.

"Calling me 'Your Majesty' again, it's r-really unbearable. D-don't call me that. You're the one who named me... Has something bad happened?"

"I think it's better if you don't look..." With these words, Conrad lifts his head with a heavy expression. "On your knee, there's a Thomas the Tank Engine."

"What--?"

As I sit up, my neck and shoulders crack painfully, but the reason my face is so pale isn't because of the pain. It has more to do with the impact of what I'm seeing.

There's a round blue thing in the middle of my right knee. And this thing, it has, it has a face. A face!

"Wah! And it's smiling! It can't be. Is it a face? Is it really a face? What the hell is this! Conrad, what is this thing?"

"As I said, it's a Thomas the Tank Engine..."

"I think it looks more like the blue drum in Taiko no Tatsujin[37], doesn't it? Its eyes are all round and it has that smiley face. Was the blue one Wada Don, or was it Wada Katsu?"

Now is definitely not the time to go, "Wow! What a nice shiny blue color!" in an attempt to escape reality.

"Why is Wada Katsu on my knee?"

"I think this is called a 'facial tumor'. I was too careless; I should not have left you alone."

Lord Weller puts his hand to his forehead, as if he's blaming himself for having committed a mistake. Once again, I fall backward. The back of my head hits the stone floor. I've pretty much calmed down now.

"I never expected a facial tumor would be hiding in the souvenir."

"It was my fault for opening it. I'm sorry; this was a result of my actions."

"No, the ones at fault are the musclemen who dared present such dangerous goods to the king. If we let Günter know, they'll be punished severely and it'll be over."

It can't be that the red one was the grand prize, and this is the "thanks for your patronage"? It's just like in the story, "The Tongue-Cut Sparrow[38]". Because I took the "thanks for your patronage", there was a monster inside.

"But luckily it's in a place that I can hide under my clothes. That way no one has to find out before I'm cured. But... even if it was on my neck, it would be all right."

Conrad gives me a pained smile and then lets go of my leg.

"It's actually something that children like. It's very cute."

Save me, Fat Controller[39].

Unfortunately, our plan to hide this ailment has failed because of a certain person who can't ever mind her own business.

Because of the Red Demoness.

She kicks down the door at full power. She even has in her hands two thin golden rods bent into 90 degree angles, and points them at me, making me tremble.

"Aha! This is the room, this is the room! Behold, this maryoku-powered detector, 'Dowsing-kun' is reacting strongly! It's here, it must be here? It's here, isn't it?"

"Good morning, Lady Anissina."

Lady Anissina von Karbelnikoff lifts her chin to regard me with her clear blue eyes. "Ah, Your Majesty." Then she slowly shifts her line of sight downwards to the new face stuck to my knee. "Ah, it's Pot-sama."

"You know this thing?"

"Of course I know."

She sets down the strange metal rods and, with an expression of astonishment, crosses her arms over her chest. She taps the stone floors with the sharp point of a shoe.

"Haven't I warned you before? Beware of 'Pot-sama'!"

Isn't "Harem-sama" supposed to be the harem's steward?[40]

"We'll use the drying method," Lady von Karbelnikoff says while sitting beside us and elegantly sipping at her tea. We're anxious even as we eat breakfast, constantly worrying about how to deal with the facial tumor.

Also sitting next to her is Greta, who's desperately trying to imitate her.

"If we dry it out, there should be no problem. All we have to do is remove the moisture content from the thing attached to His Majesty. As it dries, it will naturally fall off."

"Haa-- Lady Anissina, please don't be so straightforward. What you're saying is that we just have to use a maryoku powered blow-dryer?"

"No, no, we can't use that. If we blow a little cold air on it, Pot-sama will jump inside. Actually, Blue Pot-sama is very afraid of cold, so it's drawn to warm places. It will slowly make its way towards warmth."

Jump inside. Jump inside where? It can't mean in my thigh or crotch, can it? Without realizing it, I reach out and grip the tablecloth. Just thinking about it is making my hair stand up on end. Conrad is also feeling quite uncomfortable. Conrad, I forbid you from making a cold joke right now.

"What~? Yuuri, is there a puppy in your pants?"

Because we didn't want to scare her, we haven't told Greta about the facial tumor. Sitting between the Poison Lady she idolizes and her most beloved (I wish) father, she happily stuffs her mouth full of fresh-baked bread.

"Greta, you're not a little kid anymore. How could there be a puppy in my pants? It would be great if it were a puppy... Wait, how do you know about this, Anissina?"

She set down the teacup and raised her chin. "Because I invented it."

Gwendal's tragic cry of "Please don't invent such things!" rings through my mind.

"Back then, Cheri-sama said, 'Oh-- Anissina, I'd love it if you could create a guardian that won't let anyone into the Maou Oku~'," Anissina says as she clasps her elbows to her chest, wriggling her body back and forth in imitation. "So I accepted the commission."

It's probably true. If it was Cheri-sama, there's a strong possibility that something like this happened. No wonder they were placed near that unused corridor.

"That being the case, Lady Anissina must have an antidote, right? There's got to be a powerful antidote that can get this Wada Katsu off of my body!"

"Yuuri, is Wada Katsu the name of the puppy? Greta thinks Kishiwada[41] sounds better than Wada Katsu--"

Please stop trying to name it. Lady Karbelnikoff narrows her eyes at me, and as she sees that I'm trying to cover it up, she lets out a knowing smile and says, "Of course there's an antidote. To be more accurate, I should say that there used to be one. Once applied to the affected area, Pot-sama would quickly become freeze-dried. Then it would fall off; that was the miracle cure, 'Pot Spot Remover'. I regret to say that my supplies of 'Pot Spot Remover' were stolen during the war because it was also an effective treatment for foot blisters."

Lord Weller lifts his head to regard the ceiling, looking like he has a secret.

"Well, how about I create a new antidote? No, Your Majesty, there's no need for hesitation! Creating medication with a similar effect will be a piece of cake for me." Lady Anissina von Karbelnikoff flipped her red hair and held up two pale fingers. "Just give me twenty days!"

That's a really long time. Greta, who doesn't even know what's going on, starts to worship her again. Danger! It appears that she has a tendency to become addicted to Poison Ladies.

"That's no good, Anissina. I can't wait that long."

Conrad can't stand to watch anymore; he can't help but intervene. "If he has to live with it for twenty days, Yuuri might develop feelings for it and wouldn't want it to leave."

"The facial tumor? I'll develop feelings for the facial tumor? No way, absolutely no way!"

They're not listening to the host's objections.

"Oh, I see. It is rather cute."

"It's not cute, it's not cute at all!"

"What? The puppy? Is it the puppy?"

"Your Majesty, though you are kind-hearted, you must not go too far."

"Never mind that, can you people not listen to me at all--!"

The three are silent at once, in a "Then we'll listen to you," sort of atmosphere.

"Listen to me, Greta, there is no..." As I take a deep breath, preparing to clarify things with her, I hear five rapid knocks on the door. "Puppy... Who's there?"

I've just been interrupted. It's Günter's subordinate, Dacascos, politely knocking at the door. Conrad stands up from his seat.

"What have you come here for, so early in the morning? His Majesty is still having breakfast."

"I'm so sorry, but I'm actually here for Your Excellency."

"Looking for me?"

Dacascos gingerly rubs his bald head, fingers sliding over his scalp. "Yes. I can't find His Excellency Günter and His Excellency Gwendal. I can't report back until I've gotten them to sign this form for army provisions. Has someone ordered the soldiers to carry more preserved foods? The child doing the deliveries has been waiting since yesterday, but the person in charge has just gotten sick and is laid up in bed."

Although I know where Lord von Voltaire is, I can't talk about that here.

Unless I want to make an enemy of the woman sitting here, calmly sipping her tea, then I really can't say anything more.

"Ordered more... I remember now; it was the dehydrated vegetables. They're being sent here for the new recruits who are going to be training to deal with shipwrecks."

Greta leaned forward as soon as she heard the words 'dehydrated vegetables'. "Is Pachiri still here? Those dried veggies were sent by Pachiri, right?"

I know I've heard that name before, but I can't remember who it is.

It was just yesterday, but it feels like so long ago.

Who's Pachiri? Greta's friend?

"Greta said very impolite things to Pachiri. I said that I hated dried vegetables the most, but those dried vegetables were made from hard work by Pachiri and the headmistress and everyone at the orphanage. I said that I hated them...so I have to apologize to him!"

She's barely ten years old. She has no idea that the adults around her are aware of her feelings. Although the words that she blurted out really hurt the other kid, they'll both be able to make up.

"Dacascos, can I go look for Pachiri?"

I've got it! I slam my hand onto the table and the teacups shake; the spoons clank.

"Yeah, Pachiri! The preserved food!"

"Your Majesty?"

Lord Weller, his hands holding the document, is surprised. Greta is anxiously fiddling with her hands while Anissina raises her beautiful eyebrows.

He's the kid we met backstage yesterday, who put the white flower in our star actress' hair. He said he was at Blood Pledge Castle to deliver army rations, and that he happened to come across the auditorium on his way back.

"Conrad, it's that rapid freeze-drying method! FREEZE DRY! We heard what Pachiri said about the head of the orphanage being an expert in preserving foods, so can't we just use their drying method to peel this thing off? Let's go find the food preservation expert. Be happy, Greta! Today we're going to have a picnic outside of the castle!"

"Really--?"

This is great. Hold on, facial tumor. I'll ask the headmistress to personally turn you into jerky. And then when you're just a large scab, you'll fall off by yourself.

When we head down to visit the boy, light is flashing off his strawberry blond hair as he shakes his head back and forth. He seems very interested in the man on the cargo pallet.

Of course, this is also only natural.

Like a deflated ball, the person sitting on the back of Pachiri's delivery carriage is none other than Mayo of the Maou Oku. He's hugging the brown pot set atop his knees, and his head droops as if in mourning. Even the muscles he's so proud of seem to have been affected by his depression.

It was because he didn't know "Pot-sama" was a Karbelnikoff trap that he treated it as a gift worthy of sending to his master.

This time I've really poked through a super-deep basket.[42]

It's a far cry from trying to promote the Maou Oku. He's lucky he's not being charged for attempted assassination.

Personally, I'm not that angry at him, but from just a while ago, he's been shouting that he should cut his abs as repentance. But… Your abs are already cut. As he sighed for the 49th time, his pale yellow bow tie drooped and quivered along with him.

The problem is that, no matter how sad he is or how much he regrets his actions, just one look at the way he's dressed makes him seem insincere.

"May I ask… Your Majesty, is Mr. Mayo always naked?"

"He has a special fondness for white pants."

It's more tactful to say that they would have trouble integrating into society due to their exaggerated mannerisms. The rude way to say it is that it has to do with the way they dress.

The boy, not understanding the situation, is full of admiration as he says, "He gives the feeling of being a very unique individual."

I don't think he'd be able to imagine that I've already been surrounded by hundreds of those exact same unique individuals, or that I tried to get them jobs.

They were also the ones responsible for my suffering this unspeakable thing on my body that I now have to secretly find help for.

"Anyway… Pachiri, your headmistress is good at drying foods, and can even flash-freeze them?"

"It shouldn't be a problem. The headmistress is an expert in this field. Even before she became the headmistress of the orphanage, they called her a 'withered old woman', and the villagers all fear and respect her very much. They say that if he even taps you with a single finger, you'll shrivel up."

"That's great! Seems like she'd be able to dry up the Thomas the Tank Engine on my right knee."

It doesn't hurt or itch at all, and actually it's not too inconvenient a thing.

However, I know that it has a tendency to move inward because it's afraid of the cold, so it'd be best to get rid of it now.

Greta, sitting behind Conrad, asks me, "Can we go there?"

"Of course we can… Hey, Greta! Careful!"

"Don't worry--"

Without hearing the rest of her reply, I see that she's already leapt from my horse's back and into the carriage. Finding her balance, she crawls into the spot beside the driver's seat. At first they had some misgivings about each other, but pretty soon it felt like they were friends. Greta twines a finger into Pachiri's curls as she says, "It smells like vegetables in the back."

"Not like meat? It was dried meats back there just now."

"Un."

She lets out another "un", nods her head and bites her lips. "About that… Pachiri, I'm sorry."

Pachiri stares at her as if in shock, like not even in his dreams could he imagine that a princess would apologize to him.

"What for?"

"Because I said 'dried vegetables are the worst'! I'm so sorry. Wasn't it something the orphanage worked very hard to make? But then I blurted out something so rude, so I'm really sorry."

Pachiri tilts his head a little and says, "Greta, before…"

Just then, when she spoke while hugging her knees, there was a slight trembling in her voice. I'm at a loss for what to do, thinking that she might be crying, but it turns out that my worry is unnecessary because she quickly becomes cheerful-sounding again.

"Before, all I had to eat were dried vegetables and meats. Because those were the only foods I could get hold of. So I started to hate them because they're hard and have no flavor. And they also make me think of the times when I had no one by my side, when there was only darkness around me, and everything was only ever about the stones."

"Your Highness the princess has had a dark past?" her new friend asks. He doesn't understand what happened to her.

I'm also surprised, and I mutter to myself, "Really? How long did you live like that?"

But there's just one thing I truly want to ask.

Greta, right now you…

She flings her auburn hair back with a shake of the head, straightens out her knees and sticks her legs out.

"But things are different now! I can eat lots of different kinds of foods. If I eat dried vegetables now, I'll definitely think they're great. Because I'm not feeling lonely anymore."

The boy blinks a few times, staring at Greta's shoulder that's about to touch his own. It's like he can't believe this child could have had such a painful past. He continues to show his pure smile and says, "Are you saying that just to make me feel better?"

"As if! Greta is now Yuuri's child, but it's not like I'm one of those sheltered ladies who's never seen the outside world! It's true that all I had to eat in the past were dried vegetables and meats, and maybe some rats - it's not a big deal."

Greta, upon discovering that Pachiri doesn't believe her, is able to make her horrid past out to be a joke. She's truly a cheerful child.

I want to hug her tightly to myself. If there were no people around, that's what I would do.

"When you bite them, they make crunching sounds."

"You just eat them dry? That's not right; you're not a soldier. They're supposed to be soaked in water first, and then seasoned before eating. Even on the battlefield it's the same deal. If you want, I could teach you. I know how to make them taste really good. If you want to get them soft, it's faster with boiling water."

Pachiri says this all in one breath, then lowers his head and laughs. His slim shoulders shake along with the laughter.

"That Your Highness the princess can gnaw on dried vegetables… You weren't playing a space-food game?"

"Why would I?"

"Because wasn't it in the lyrics? It said that on one side was the ultimate warrior, and the other side gnawed on space-food. Though I don't know what it was they were gnawing on."

Maybe Pachiri thought singing it would be faster than explaining. He lifts his eyes to the sky and starts to sing the song that he heard not so long ago.

"Humans are so troublesome! To outer space for a big fight!"

No matter how many times I hear it, the lyrics still sound so stupid to me. However, his singing voice is as beautiful as before. This heavenly boy's treble is his innate gift.

Even though I think it's best not to interrupt the kids' conversation as the third wheel, I still can't help but praise him. "That was great, perfectly done! I think your singing voice is beautiful! It's just like an angel's; so much that I think you'll sprout wings!"

"Thank you for the kind words, Your Majesty. But only kotsuhizoku have wings."

"A-although it's the word of Your Majesty…"

Pachiri jumps and almost lets go of the reins upon hearing Mayo of the Maou Oku suddenly enter the conversation; I was also almost thrown off my horse. He was just sitting there, head lowered and sighing continuously as he hugged the pot, and then he suddenly springs up to say what?

"He still cannot be considered perfect."

Using the defense of "Because he's still a child?" won't work with this man, who is also one of Shin Makoku's leading performance artists. He wears a very solemn expression as he sits, flexing his muscles. Don't you feel cold only wearing those puffy pants?

"As he sang 'To outer space for a big fight!', the last note was unstable. I was also unable to see into his heart, and so was not emotionally moved. To put it another way, he wasn't into the role."

"You don't have to be so harsh to a child…"

"No, Your Majesty. He should improve himself!" He looks unwilling to compromise. "You should try singing the last note straight instead of sliding into it."

The man dressed in only puffy pants and a bow tie is giving Pachiri directions. It'd be hard not to be scared.

However, even though Pachiri is at a bit of a loss, he listens to the instructions and sings it once again. The muscleman immediately smiles.

"That's it-- Great, just like that!" Mayo pats the boy's back to show his praise. If the patting continues, that slender body will be sent flying.

I think to myself that I ought to stop this, but as I extend my right hand--

"This time I'll teach you how to express emotions. Remember this simple exercise. Anyone can do it."

"Anyone?"

"That's right. Don't worry, you're sure to be able to learn this right away."

Hearing this, the boy's eyes flash with curiosity. Perhaps because he wants to learn it quickly, he turns his whole body around to glance behind him.

I pull back the hand that had been about to stop Mayo, and use it instead to grab hold of the blue-colored reins, slowly pulling up even with Lord Weller's horse. Because I want to take advantage of this time while I still remember, I tell him the things that just crossed my mind.

"Don't you think Mayo's well-suited for being a teacher?"

"A teacher?" Conrad looks at me with a tiny wrinkling of his brow. He hesitates, and doesn't speak further.

However, his lips and facial muscles relax, and I know he's smiling. That's his "I knew it" expression.

"Of course, provided that he wears actual clothes."

Mayo, crawling over the distance to the coachman's seat, presents Pachiri with another problem.

"Why do they go to outer space for a big fight? If you can describe the situation clearly, as well as put your all into understanding the feelings, you will most definitely be able to move others. Why do you want to send your troops to outer space?"

"Why…" Pachiri removes one hand from the reins to scratch his ear. He's probably never considered this problem before. "I just think, if they were to fight so fiercely on the ground, it would involve a lot more people, so it's too dangerous. Because on the ground… there's Her Highness the princess and His Majesty."

The temporary instructor, a proud expression on his face, lifts up a finger and wags it. He's happy to the point of almost leering at the people around him.

"Then I invite you to sing a new song."

"Eh? I can't do something like that!"

"You can! You just need to use your feelings for Her Highness the princess; put into words how you see her in your heart. It's because there's an important person here that you would think to move the battle to outer space, so you let those feelings pour over your mind and sing it out. Try it!"

The boy's cheeks light up in a faint blush, and after saying a few words he begins to sing. However, because of the wind kicking up, we're unable to hear the lyrics.

Still, it's enough for Greta, who sits at his side.

She suddenly reaches out with both her delicate hands to pull Pachiri tightly to her. There's simply no way for us to interfere.

The boy is red all the way down his neck now.

I don't know whether I should look shocked or if I should sigh, because there's no time for me to even utter a sound. In my mind, the passage of time is flowing off by itself; it keeps showing the events of what might happen a few days later.

We'll arrive at Pachiri's home, Pot-sama will be removed, and I will immediately return to the castle.

After that--

Don't you think he'd make a great teacher?

The performers of the Maou Oku will be invited to become teachers of the arts, going to schools all across the country. Their salary will be the same as before, so there will be no need to worry about the budget.

I don't know if this is a good idea, and maybe someone will object, and it will still be a problem to decide where to send each person. Basically, it's not something that's so easily done.

It would also be worrisome if things advanced too smoothly. After all, this is a proposal from me, who's an amateur when it comes to politics and public policy.

But I still wish to be the one to make this happen, and to be there to see the results with my own eyes.

Greta, laughing along with the boy, turns her head to me. "Yuuri, listen! Pachiri…"

I pretend that I'm not the type of father to worry about little things; I lift up my right hand to wave back.

Until the time when that issue is settled… No, even if it's never settled, I'm going to tell Wolfram that my daughter has embraced a man that's not her father, and then the two of us will have a pity party together. We'll be so idiotically depressed that it'll surprise Greta.

It's okay if we're laughed at for being childish.

References:

1. Kohaku Uta Gassen, the "red and white song battle" is a special New Years program that airs on NHK. Popular music artists are invited to the show and divided into red and white teams, which compete against each other.
2. Bunkasai (文化祭) - Japanese schools (junior high schools, high schools, and universities) hold an annual festival where students can show off what they've done over the year. There are also fun activities, food, dances, plays, etc.
3. 魔男の宅急便 - A reference to Kiki's Delivery Service, which is Witch's Delivery Service (魔女の宅急便) in Japanese, but with female (女) changed to male (男). "Witch" and "warlock" both have the first character 魔 which is also the first character of Maou.
4. A reference to the Phantom of the Opera. Kabuki is a type of stylized classical Japanese dance-drama.
5. A reference to the movie Constantine, in which the female lead is a supernatural investigator. "Investigator" (しゅさ) sounds similar to "prodigy" (しゅうさい).
6. A footnote in the Chinese version says that 'courtesan' sounds like 'lion king' as in the movie The Lion King. The archaic word for courtesan that was used in the Chinese version, 花魁, could also mean...prostitute. I could be way off track and maybe something has been lost in translation, but there is a word in both languages for prostitute, 私娼 (ししょう), which sounds eerily similar to 'lion king' in Japanese. (Suitable for an adult audience? Is Conrad being a perv?)
7. Eight - 八
8. In Japan, education is compulsory up until high school. It is not required by law to go to high school.
9. Yuuri messes up a proverb. It should be "earthquakes, thunder, fires, fathers" (地震雷火事親父) which compares the traditional Japanese father with other things that are generally feared. Fires (火事) sounds like blacksmithing (鍛治).
10. Reference to "The King and I". In previous novels, Yuuri has made other connections between Hyscliff and the King of Siam.
11. Apparently, Gwendal has a secretary. I think she's named after food, like the maids. An-purin (あんプリン) is short for anko purin, or red bean jam pudding.
12. Reference to "West Side Story". The word "side" (サイド) sounds like "an inch of land" (すんど).
13. Possible reference to the song, "On, Wisconsin", the state song of Wisconsin, and also the song of the University of Wisconsin.
14. Shinjuku is one of the busiest wards in Tokyo, known for having many theatres.
15. The actress who played Lieutenant Ellen Ripley, the main protagonist of the Alien series.
16. Filmmaker known for producing low-budget films. He's considered an icon for modern independent filmmakers.
17. In the shoujo series Glass Mask, "The Crimson Goddess" is the legendary lead role in a play of the same name.
18. In Japanese, "Predator's data" is romanized to something like "puredeta no deta".
19. This time it's "puredeta deta", with the second "deta" being 出た, the past tense of "to come out".
20. Neko Funjatta, translated as "I stepped on a cat", and also known as Der Flohwalzer, or the Flea Waltz. It's popular in Japan as an easy piano duet.
21. Hibagon is the Japanese Bigfoot or Yeti. It's said to resemble a gorilla, and has supposedly been spotted near Mount Hiba in Hiroshima prefecture.
22. "Abikyokan" is a four-character idiom composed of the names of two of the Buddhist hells. 阿鼻地獄 - Avici, the lowest level of hell. 大叫喚地獄 - Raurava, the hell of great wailing. The idiom can mean "agonizing cries" and "pandemonium", or it can actually refer to the two hells. I took the non-literal meaning.
23. Kansai-ben refers to a group of Japanese dialects from the Kansai region, most notably the Osaka dialect. It's often used in comedy routines or in pop culture to denote a person who is somewhat outside of the norm.
24. A parody of the Cosmo-Cleaner D in the anime Space Battleship Yamato.
25. Possibly a play on words with the ou oku part sounding like 大蔵, which means "Minister of Finance".
26. In the Chinese version, this is another pun. The previous machine that caused the sprain was a "merman exercise machine" - merman is written with the characters for fish and person, thus the "fish" in this new machine. "Sprain" is 闪, but "sparkling" is 闪闪. I don't know if the original Japanese pun was similar.
27. 大奥 translates as "harem", but refers to a place within a palace where the harem resides, not the people that form a harem. It is also roughly equivalent to "concubine's quarters". The title of this story in Japanese is "㋮王奥" which would be romanized to something like "maou oku", with "oku" being short for 大奥 (ōoku). Yuuri deduces that "Maou Oku" is therefore short for "Maou's ōoku" aka "Maou's Harem".
28. Here, I believe Anissina uses another word for harem, 後 (ko), short for 後宮 (kokyu), lit. a palace's back/inner chambers. This will be important for a later pun/misunderstanding.
29. The pun is in "demonic musclemen", which (working backwards from Chinese to Japanese) I'm assuming is something like 魔性のキン肉マン, or MAshOU no kinniKUman.
30. NHK Hall is where the annual Kōhaku Uta Gassen is held.
31. Referring to either Kimba the White Lion, or Leo, the mascot of the Saitama Seibu Lions baseball team.
32. Takarazuka - an all-female performance troupe.
33. A reference to the lyrics of a Japanese children's song, Nanatsu no Ko (七つの子), "Seven Baby Crows", where a mother crow cries for her seven cute children.
34. Guardian lions are common statues placed by entrances as symbols of protection and prosperity. The original reference was to a specific type of guardian lion, the Okinawan Shisa.
35. In the legend of Urashima Taro, the titular character rescues a turtle and is invited to a beautiful palace under the sea. The turtle turns out to be a princess who, when he asks to return to land, gives him a box which she tells him not to open. He opens it anyway, when he finds out that 3 days underwater was 300 years on land. White smoke comes pouring out that turns him into an old man, because inside the box was his old age.
36. Dave Spector - a foreign celebrity in Japan (AKA the token white guy you sometimes see in Japanese films). In this case, Yuuri is saying that Conrad is a non-Japanese person who knows a lot about Japanese culture.
37. Taiko no Tatsujin - a series of rhythm games played with a controller that resembles a taiko drum. One game has been released in North America as Taiko: Drum Master. The mascots are two drums, Don and Katsu. Don is the orange-faced drum; Katsu is the blue-faced drum. There's also a ridiculously cute anime...
38. The Tongue-Cut Sparrow is a Japanese folktale with a moral about the consequences of greed. In brief, a sparrow offers an old man a choice of two baskets. The old man chooses the lighter one that will be easier to carry back. Upon opening the basket, he discovers many riches inside. His greedy wife decides to visit the sparrow as well, and she chooses the heavy basket. When she opens it, monsters come out and chase her.
39. "Fat Controller" is a nickname for Sir Topham Hatt, the head of the railway in The Railway Series, of which Thomas the Tank Engine is a character.
40. Anissina warned Yuuri about the pot in part 1, but Yuuri misunderstood. "Pot" (壺), and "back" (後) in this case as in a palace's back chambers, can both be read as ko.
41. Kishiwada - a city in Osaka.
42. Again, referring to "The Tongue-Cut Sparrow" and the basket full of monsters.