Log Horizon - Volume 11 - Chapter 5.4

4 
“Yeah, yeah. Your knees are quaking over there, hero! Are you even trying? An old grandma carrying her Chihuahua in Central Park puts a little more effort into this stuff, y’know?” 
“Hold your tongue!” 
Elias raised his sword, which seemed so massive one got the illusion it was the mountain itself, and put more strength into his left leg, which had been on the verge of shaking. It was frustrating, but Leonardo’s comment had been right on the mark: Even a newborn fawn would probably have walked a bit better. 
He swung his great fairy sword, Crystal Stream, less as if he were bringing it down than as if its weight was pulling his center of gravity. 
Elias felt resistance, as though he were surrounded by water, and grimaced. With every moment, that resistance bound him more firmly, and even though all he was doing was swinging his sword down, it felt as if he were moving through lead. As a result, Elias’s attack turned into something as childish as a little kid’s make-believe swing, and it shaved away half of half of 1 percent of Leonardo’s HP. 
Leonardo’s expression was fierce and bright, but he was covered with mud and dust, and he looked as if he’d reached the acme of exhaustion. Elias’s attacks seemed to shove him, rather than cut him. Leonardo put on a fearless smile and tried to shrug it off, but his feet tangled up, and he stumbled. 
“I’m seeing zero damage, Blademancer.” 
“Look at your own HP, Frog-Man!” 
Gasping and panting as he yelled back, Elias stabbed his two-handed sword into the rock. He couldn’t stand properly, either, and he leaned on the sword, catching his breath. 
Leonardo’s HP was down to nearly nothing. 
Even though they were both muddy, if you only looked at the numbers, Elias’s overwhelming victory seemed assured. However, that fact was superficial. To shave his HP down to this level from 25 percent, Elias had spent over an hour attacking. Ordinarily, this sort of damage wouldn’t even have taken thirty seconds to inflict, but he’d mustered up all his strength and pared it away with soul-searing determination. 
Up until the point his HP was down to 10 percent, he’d been able to fight with passion. 
After that, each single percentage point was as hard as digging his way through a massive steel rock with his bare hands, and by now, the only thing that kept him moving was sheer pride. 
Elias was losing track of why he was here, and he stood there on just one thought, as if desperately clinging to a rock in the middle of a raging torrent: the idea that he had to overcome the curse. 
His movements were clearly going downhill, and the decline in his own motor abilities made him want to cover his eyes. The fairy curse that kept him from lowering his combat opponent’s HP below 25 percent of its maximum ruthlessly restricted his actions. 
He didn’t know why, but he seemed to have overcome that restriction. At present, he’d cornered Leonardo to the point where he was right on the edge. However, the curse hadn’t been lifted. That was clear from the handicap constricting around him. 
Leonardo was single-mindedly taking Elias’s attacks. 
It probably wasn’t an easy trial. Adventurers who had acquired sophisticated fighting techniques had instincts that made them avoid attacks half-unconsciously. Leonardo was negating that, using only his will. 
Elias’s magic sword and its swirling streams of water could cleave a boulder in two. That was what he was leaving himself open to. He was probably shot through with the sort of ferocious pain that would make him have to clamp down on his terror. 
Even Elias knew these things. 
They’d fought several hundred exchanges in this extreme environment, where damage was attenuated. That was enough times for them to have communicated what was in their hearts. 
“Hey, hero. Elias. How long have you had your mind back?” 
“…” 
Elias was at a loss for words. 
As Leonardo had said, at this point, he could barely feel that mental cloudiness. 
From time to time, pain ran through his head, but his memories of having been taken in by a female monster named Enchantress Youren, and of having turned his blade on his companions, were vivid. 
Even if he had been manipulated, the very fact of that manipulation was guilt and humiliation enough to sear him to the core. On top of that, the manipulation hadn’t been all; the words that had spilled out of Elias had been the sense of inferiority that smoldered inside him, which made it even more painful. 
In extreme terms, the fact that he hadn’t been able to stop fighting was simply due to his pride. 
You could even say he’d been fascinated by the damage he was continuing to inflict beyond 25 percent. 
However, now that Leonardo had seen through him, Elias let go of the battle he’d continued to fight and hung his head. 
“Leonardo…” 
“It’s fine; I don’t care. Quit looking like that.” 
Leonardo threw out his chest as he spoke, even though he was covered in damage, then walked unsteadily up to Elias and stuck a fist into his cheek. 
It was a parody of a punch. 
He hadn’t put his back into it; he’d folded his thumb into the clenched fist he’d raised, and frankly speaking, it marked him as an obvious amateur. However, Elias didn’t even have the strength to evade that whack, and he took it clumsily, staggered two or three steps, and fell. His physical responses were too dulled to even let him fall safely, and he landed on his face on the rocks. He was ridiculous, and it made him smile thinly. 
 

“How d’ya like that?” 
“How…am I sup…posed to…?” 
Elias lay on the rocks like a wooden doll. Realizing he didn’t even have the strength to get to his feet, he gave up and managed, with great difficulty, to roll onto his back. 
His whole body felt as hot as if it had been burned, and in that sense, the cool floor of the limestone cave was comfortable. It seemed as though this heat was his foolish self, and the land was gently reproaching him for it. 
“It was a terrible punch… You looked like an amateur.” 
“Huhn.” 
Even he thought the words were terribly spiteful. 
Even though he’d caused him so much trouble, even though he’d actually targeted his life, even though he himself was the only one to blame, Elias couldn’t even apologize meekly. In the end, even now, the fairy curse still bound him. Not only had he attacked Leonardo without so much as letting him argue, he hadn’t managed to complete that attack. His guilt at having done him harm and a feeling of inferiority over not having been able to fully accomplish that harm were fighting inside him. 
A feeling of inferiority about the curse and regret that scorched him like heavy oil still bound Elias in the depths of the darkness. 
It was true he’d been deceived by Enchantress Youren, but Elias knew that wasn’t the whole reason. As proof, even when the mania had died down, the bad feelings that prickled like a festering wound wouldn’t go away. 
Moving very cautiously, as if he was being careful of his joints, Leonardo sat down cross-legged on the rock near Elias, then heaved a big sigh. In terms of HP, he was far closer to “death” than Elias. 
Elias had about 10 percent remaining, but Leonardo was below 2 percent. His condition could have been described as “at death’s door.” 
Naturally, HP was an indicator of the strength to endure injuries and damage, and it had nothing to do with stamina or accumulated fatigue. For that reason, the pair’s exhaustion wasn’t directly due to HP, but even if that was the case, at this point, when they were both at their limits, there was hardly any difference between them. 
“Why did you go along with something this foolish?” Elias asked. 
If Leonardo had felt like it, he could have ended Elias’s life a hundred times. That last 10 percent of his HP had been a distance of thousands of miles to Elias, but Elias’s HP couldn’t have been that way for Leonardo. 
He probably wouldn’t have been able to manage it in one attack, but he should have been able to tear him up by the roots in the space of two breaths. Leonardo had held his weapons at the ready at first, but ultimately, he’d sheathed them in order to keep Elias company in his desperation. 
It had been an incomprehensible act, the meaning of which was unclear. 
In response to that question, Leonardo’s eyes widened a bit, and he shrugged his shoulders with a sigh. His attitude was teasing, as if to say, What kind of dim-witted lines are you spouting? 
Elias was struck with shame. He hadn’t thought himself wise, but it was likely that he was deeply foolish. 
This affair had left Elias thoroughly disgusted with himself. Up until now, people had flattered him, calling him the Ancients’ hero and the strongest knight, and he’d gotten full of himself. Now he was filled with the desire to burn that self to the ground. He couldn’t rescue his comrades, and he couldn’t save the People of the Earth. He felt he had no value, and his existence seemed like an irredeemable crime. 
However, what Leonardo said to him was something he hadn’t anticipated at all. 
“That ‘fairy curse’ thing is broken already, right?” 
Dumbfounded, Elias forgot both the pain and his fatigue and bolted upright, then protested through the awful pain that resulted: “That’s not true—!” …Even if most of the line only came out as a groan. 
“My HP went below 25 percent, and you kept chipping away at it.” 
Come to think of it, he might be able to say that the curse had partially eased. 

However, it wasn’t that simple. After all, Leonardo didn’t know anything. 
Even as he realized that the objection itself was an arrogant thought that patronized his comrade, Elias’s heart couldn’t stop trying to justify itself. Even he thought it cowardly and base, but his warped and nearly crushed soul seem to be looking for an escape route, and it was liable to cling to even these lame excuses. 
“With speed like that, I really couldn’t overtake you… I accomplished nothing!” 
For that reason, he couldn’t look Leonardo in the eyes; he averted his own gaze and shouted loudly. 
It was exactly the sort of deceptive attitude a cornered failure would take. 
“I see.” 
Leonardo didn’t seem bothered by Elias’s bluff. 
The light that shone in from some vague source was already the madder red that announced the end of the day, alerting them to the arrival of the indigo veil. 
In the cave that had lost the light and was slowly growing darker, illuminated by a strange glow like residual battle heat from their magic items, the two of them sat quietly. 
Elias didn’t know what he should do, and there was nothing he could say. 
“—And anyway, was that what you wanted, to kill somebody? You want to kill, so you want to get rid of the curse that keeps you from killing?” 
“…What?” 
As far as the words went, Elias understood Leonardo’s question, but he couldn’t quite grasp its meaning. He didn’t know what Leonardo was asking. 
Do I want to kill someone? 
Do I want to kill Leonardo, for example? 
No, not at all. 
I don’t think I do. 
In that case, why was I trying to rid myself of this curse? 
In order to protect my companions, and the people. 
Something had gotten oddly twisted. 
Managing to lean his upper body back against a boulder, Elias stared at the palms of his hands. They were bloodied and covered in wounds. The seemed unfamiliar to him, filthy like that. 
Even if someone had explained it to him, he wouldn’t have known what was going on. Possibly because of the lingering heat of the fight, he couldn’t figure out what Leonardo was trying to say. He was irritated by his clumsiness, but his whole body was exhausted, and it wouldn’t let him do as he pleased. 
“I’ve never met any, but do fairies do stuff like that? Why did they order you to do something like that? And anyway, is that actually a curse?” 
“Not…a curse?” 
Elias mulled the words over, slowly, and when he understood them, he looked at Leonardo as if he’d been stung. 
It was a possibility he’d never even considered. 
The fairy curse was a part of him. He’d felt as if it was a component he was used to and couldn’t cut away, and he hadn’t even been conscious of it. 
Then what in the world was this handicap? 
Was he saying that this thing, which had bound Elias and forced him to taste despair and loss, wasn’t a curse? 
“Right. Comic fans like me don’t call stuff like that curses. —It’s your oath, in solid form. Elias, it’s not that you can’t kill. I know that. You don’t want to kill anybody, no matter who they are, so you kept that oath inside you. It’s not just monsters. People of the Earth and Adventurers and Ancients, too.” 
Those weren’t words. 
The things that were issuing from Leonardo’s mouth were definitely not words. 
They were something from a higher dimension, something quiet, yet infused with immense energy. 
Without being conscious of it, Elias tensed up, eyes widening, and waited to hear what would come next. 
“Remember red-nosed Princess Rubience. That day, you should have been able to flatten all her mercenaries and make a run for it. There was enough of a strength difference for you to pull it off. But you chose to become a hostage, without fighting. Elias Hackblade didn’t fail to kill because he lost out to a curse. He didn’t want to kill, so he didn’t.” 
He was right. 
When had he lost sight of that? 
The remark pierced Elias like a divine revelation. 
He hadn’t wanted to kill. 
He’d chosen a path that was more difficult, rather than salvation gained by crushing someone and killing them. 
Hadn’t Elias studied fairy swordsmanship because he thought it held enough power to resolve situations without killing his opponent? 
What Elias found in Leonardo’s words were the tracks of his own resolve, the path he’d walked when he was young. He’d forgotten it entirely, had assumed it had never been there, but when he turned and looked, there it was, stretching from his own feet back into the past. 
The heat that flowed down through him made it impossible for him to raise his head. 
“I know that. I read your story…straight from you. That’s why I’ve got your back.” 
“Ahh… Ah, agh, ghk…” 
Before he knew it, Elias was crying. 
He sniffled pathetically. 
The “strongest Ancient” was sobbing openly. 
If that was true, then what an error he’d committed! 
If that was true, what a roundabout way he’d traveled! 
However, that remorse wasn’t like the torment that had plagued him up until a moment ago. 
It was a harsh, cutting pain, but it was the pain of the acceptance he needed in order to keep walking, making these footprints continue into the future. 
“What you’ve got there is a geas, a vow. It’s your power, which you got in order to accomplish something… It’s not a curse; don’t hate on yourself like that.” 
Dazzling light flooded from Elias’s left arm, becoming a spreading vortex of rainbow radiance. It plunged through the rock, soaked into the earth, healed the broken trees, healed the small, wounded mountain animals, then rose to the horizon of the sky, gazing up at the morning star in the lingering light. 
The curse had been a frail, fleeting thing. 
It had been more like a string made from twisted paper than an iron chain, something so fragile it could be destroyed just by doubting it. 
Elias had hated his shackles. He’d seen them as a curse that bound him—but that was precisely what had made them a curse. They had absorbed his envy and resentment, had grown endlessly obese, and had become a black blight. 
However, those shackles had also been a binding oath. 
Illuminated by Leonardo’s morning sun, the curdled darkness cleared. 
Seen in the light, it wasn’t a grudge that would hurt Elias. 
Just now, he’d been released from it. 
He’d retaken his vow, the pride he’d had all along.