Love Hina - Volume 1 - Chapter 1.1

PART I:

CHAPTER I: NO WET TOWELS! 

I had a dream. The kind of dream you might hesitate to tell others about. 
Tama, the Hinata House’s pet turtle (some might say resident) clung to me. He citing, and then he slithered . . . all over my body. 
“Whoa, whoa, stop!” I cried. “That tickles, Tama!” 
But he ignored me and continued on his journey, releasing some sort of squishy substance as he moved. The tickling sensations turned into something more . . . um . . . serious. As Tama slipped past my armpit and slid down my side, I thought, No, don’t go, stay there and do the squishy-squishy like that ... Oh well. It was weird, but it felt kinda good, and this was just a dream, okay? 
 
 
Tama kept moving, slithering across my chest, my stomach, and down toward . . . well . . . there. I was lost! 
Please don t go down there! If this continued, I’d get labeled as the only guy in the world who ever got off on a hot springs turtle. I pictured my name, Keitaro Urashima, in the Guinness Book of World Records under “Weirdest Crazed Sex Fiend.” 
Now, all I had to do was move away from Tama, but I couldn’t make myself budge. Tama kept crawling lower, and I started getting a little hot. I convinced myself that it was only because Tama’s squishy substance was heating up. When Tama’s nose was just about to touch me—wait, this is getting gross, right? 
Hey, I thought of a stupid pun: “The hot springs turtle was about to touch my hot turtle!” I pictured that as the front-page headline of tomorrow’s paper. 
“Tama, no!” I pleaded, yanking the waistband of my pajamas back. But it wasn’t Tama down there after all—it was Naru! 

Naru Narusegawa was an eighteen-year-old girl, two grades younger than me. She was way cute, with long brown hair (a few strands of her bangs stuck out like little antennae; she was so adorable!) and big brown eyes, plus she had a majorly hot body. Also, she was extremely smart. She ranked number one in Japan for the National (Allege Entrance Preparatory Exam—but for some odd reason, she failed the actual entrance exam on her first try. 

My feelings for Naru were . . . well, secondary, really, because, at the moment, instead of Tama slithering around in my pants, there was a pint-sized Naru down there! 
She smiled up at me and said, “Myu!” 
 
I woke instantly, and then cursed myself for missing out on what could have been a damn good dream. I was so shocked by the teensy Naru in my pants, that I hadn’t really taken a good look at her, but now I remembered, she was naked! 
Maybe I can see her again if I go back to sleep, I reasoned. But then, I felt a distinctly odd sensation. There really was something crawling all over my body! 
 
Whatever it was, it felt both painful and ticklish at the same time. 
“Am I still dreaming?” I mumbled. 
But no—I looked up at the ceiling panels and saw some light leak through the cracks. I lived in Room 204, the manager’s room, and Naru’s room was right above mine. There was a giant hole in the ceiling, always had been, and when she moved in, Naru patched it up with wooden boards, but sometimes, late at night, I could see her lamps’ light filter through the cracks. Those times, it felt like we were the only people in the whole world, and that made me happy. 
So, the fact that I could see the ceiling in such detail and remember all that about Naru, I figured I had to be awake. But what the hell was crawling around my back and calves? 
Finally, I peered down and noticed a bulge in my futon. Well, naturally—that dream was kind of exciting. Unfortunately, this bulge was too big for that. While I was thinking about bulges, the crawling sensation turned into scratching. It felt like someone was plucking the fine hairs off my legs! 
  
“Ouch!” I yelled. I tucked up my legs and winced. 
Then, I heard girls’ voices: “Oh no, he’s awake!” 
“Almost there! We need to go up!” 
I recognized those voices! I watched with something akin to horror as the bulges in my futon grew. “What are you doing?!” 
I ripped back the covers and saw two girls, each one holding magnifying glasses, infrared scopes, duct tape (with some of my freshly plucked hairs attached), a laptop computer, and various other gadgets. They clung to my legs. 
“Suu? Sara?” I called. “What are you doing in here?” 
Suu Kaolla and Sara MacDougall were Hinata House residents. Of course, they didn’t room together. Sara lived by herself on the second floor of the Hinata teashop, in fact. At the moment, it was well past midnight, so I couldn’t fathom what they were doing here. 

“Suu, you’re not sleepwalking, are you?” I asked. 
Suu was a light sleepwalker, and without (her roommate) Motoko Aoyamas supervision, she could sometimes wander into other people’s rooms and fall asleep there. 
The mischievous duo seemed reluctant to spill the beans, but finally Sara said, “We were actually . . .” 
“Actually, what?” I pressed. 
“We came to yobai. ” 
I stared blankly at them. I was trying to make sense of Suu’s Japanese (she had a very thick accent). Possible kanji combinations of the word yobai could mean good multiple, four times, drunk-crawl (were they crawling around because they were drunk?) . . . And then the final meaning for yobai—to have sex—flashed through my mind like a giant, blinking, neon sign. 
“What?” I screeched. 
“No! We were really trying to—mmphmmt!” 
Sara quickly covered Suu’s mouth and hissed, “Don’t tell him, stupid! Just say we’re here to yobai.” 
When Sara eventually pulled her hand away, Suu immediately asked, “Does a yobai taste good?” 
 

Sara grimaced. “Forget it. Just use that thing while I distract him!” 
“Roger!” Suu agreed. 
They whispered to each other. I couldn’t make it out. I was too busy thinking about yobai. Suu was still in junior high, and Sara was in elementary school. There had to be a misunderstanding. They probably didn’t even know what yobai really meant, the silly girls. I mean, Suu always said she really liked me, and even though Sara punched and kicked me all the time, that was just her way of letting me know she cared. Whatever they were doing to my legs probably caused me to have that erotic dream, but, honestly, I couldn’t really have feelings for girls their age (although, admittedly, Suu’s arms, legs, and breasts were developing nicely). 

But I knew better than to even go there or think that! I mean, sure, it was entirely possible that I’d never be approached this way by another girl in my entire life . . . and Sara was from the open-minded United States . . . and Suu was from somewhere south . . . maybe these girls were more sexually aggressive than Japanese girls? I mean, if they both pounced on me and I accidentally responded to their seduction, it wouldn’t be my fault, right? 

Suddenly, arms wrapped around me. Sara clung to me! 
I could feel the blood drain from my face. I twitched and mumbled to myself, “Stay strong. Stay strong.” 
“Hey, he’s saying something,” she said to Suu. “His eyes are glazing over.” 
“Sara, the secret weapon is all set up!” 
“Oh! Ready, set, go!” 
Suu pulled out an odd machine with a doki (a large ceramic piece) that twirled around. (She was always inventing cockamamie machines.) She released it, but the ceramic piece kept twirling. It headed straight for me, going GWOM-GWOM-GWOM. 
Was yobai supposed to involve machines? If that contraption machine hit me, I had a feeling it would hurt. 
“Hey, this thing’s safe, right?” Sara asked, worried. 
 
“He’ll just pass out,” Suu replied. 
I won’t just lose consciousness , I thought, TV */*>/ “Eeeek!” I shrieked. 
CRUNCH! 
Naru lifted up the wooden boards, jumped down the hole, and crushed the machine with a flying kick. The whirling doki machine sprawled along the tatami mat, little pieces bouncing over her feet. 
“Oh, no! My invention,” Suu said wistfully. 
“Forget about the invention!” Naru said, frowning. “Sara? Suu? What are you two doing here so late at night?” 
The girls solemnly bowed their heads. That was a tad strange, because they usually didn’t calm down when Naru scolded them. 
“Oh, thank God, Naru!” I said, relieved. I stood up and brushed some debris off my shoulders. “I was about to get killed!” 
Naru just glared at me. I looked down and realized why—my pajama pants were halfway down! 
She raked me with her gaze. “So that’s what’s going on.” 
 
 
“Wait, you’re getting it all wrong,” I blurted out. (This is what always happens.) “Look, I was just about to get killed—” 
“So you dragged two girls into your room,” she interrupted, “pulled your pants down, and turned on some strange machine! I see how it is!” 
“Na-Na-Narusegawa ...” I stuttered. 
“I’ve had enough of you!” And then, W7/TM/Naru lashed out with her Naru Punch—a killer right hook that broke the speed of sound and sent me soaring through the sky. “Pervert!” 
The next thing I knew, I flew so high up into the air that the Hinata House looked like a distant star. 
 
 
The Hinata House had a hallway that connected the south side to the north, where the baths were. It was the end of August (much too hot to concentrate on our studies) so we had agreed to take a swim in the outdoor pool to try and cool down. 
I tried to explain to Naru once again what had happened last night. This time, she actually listened, and when I was done, she just said, “What a strange story.” 
She took off her glasses (she only ever wore them to study) and smiled. She looked fabulous no matter what she wore, but when she took her glasses off, I thought she was stunning. I considered all the Hinata House girls my friends, but Naru was special. She was the cutest, and we got along well (when she wasn’t punching me) but that wasn’t the only reason she was special to me. 
Anyway, it was really important to me that Naru didn’t get the wrong idea about me. I didn’t want to be cast as the villain all over again. And Naru, well, she was always really quick to judge me, instantly assuming the worst. “Keitaro is up to no good again,” she’d say, and then dish me up a Naru Punch or a Naru Kick or, my personal favorite, a Naru Backhand. 
Part I / Chapter I 
I honestly believe that Naru was just trying to keep the peace. But she didn’t really trust me. The last time we went to the beach, we seemed to have such a good time together. But last night, she looked at me like I was some sort of disgusting maniac. I just don’t get girls. 
I did my best to tell her my side of the story, but she still had some questions. 
“If Sara and Suu wanted to mess with you, they would have come in and barreled straight at you, right?” 
Barreled was right. But Suu’s Flying Knee Kick and Sara’s infamous ambushes had me sporting bruises and scratches year-round. 
“And if the girls were really messing with you,” she continued, “they would have just come out and said so. 
I think they might be hiding something.” 
Naru stared at me. I couldn’t help but think of the dream last night, when the pint-sized N;iru sucked on my body with her soft tongue, and slithered . . . 
 
 
“Oh, not here, Naru, everyone can see ...” I murmured, lost in dreamland. 
“What?” she asked. “Are you even listening to me?” 
I shook my head, banishing that particular fantasy, and nodded furiously. “But, other than messing with me, why else would they come to my room?” I scratched my head. “Maybe they really did want to sleep with me.” 
Naru folded her arms and raised one eyebrow. “You think you’re such a stud, huh?” 
I blushed. “Sorry.” 
“Did they do something to you?” 
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “They were using infrared scopes, so maybe they were looking for something. They plucked my leg hairs, so, I dunno, maybe they were trying to make a clone? I wouldn’t put it past Suu, that’s for sure.” 
Naru laughed. “Why would they want to clone a perverted freak like you?” 
I bristled. “What are you so worried about anyway? It’s not like you care,” I said. 
Suu and Sara always played tricks on me. This was the first time it ever turned me on, though. It was just weird to hive Naru so obsessed with the subject. 
Her expression hardened. I wondered if I’d said something wrong. She started walking, and I followed, trying to think of something to say. 
“Just how far are you gonna go?” she asked, spinning around. 
“Huh?” We’d reached the entrance to the Hinata House’s main bath. It was for women only. (But as manager, I have to clean it, mind you.) 

“Ah ha ha, I thought we’d do a few laps together, you know.” 
Naru ignored my joke and disappeared into the changing room. 
I worried I had made her mad, but, hey, it wouldn’t have been the first time. 
 
A set of stairs led up to the men’s bath. Actually, it wasn’t a men’s bath, but a small, old drying room (used to air out futon mattresses from the north tower) that had a little wooden tub, barely big enough for one person. 
From here, you could almost make out the main bath, which had big, beautiful rocks and waterfalls and reflecting pools, but most of the view was blocked by large trees. Once, when I was trying to get a peek, I leaned too far off the edge of the balcony and fell. Why am I telling you that? 
The reason the men’s bath is banished so far away from the main bath is simply because I’m the only man around. I moved here over a year ago, when my parents stopped financially supporting me (I’d just failed the Todai entrance exam for the third time). I was flat broke, so I rolled into Grandma’s Inn. I’d had fond childhood memories of the place, and I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. 
But when I dropped by, Grandma Hinata wasn’t in. She was on vacation, traveling the world in search of new love. The old Hinata Inn transformed into the Hinata House, which became an all-girls dormitory. 
My aunt, Haruka, ran the Hinata teashop, and she’d told me then about the plight of the Hinata House. The place was in desperate need of a manager. It so happens, I was in desperate need of a place to live. So out of great sympathy for the girls’ plight, I agreed to become the resident manager. 
Hey, it’s a paying job and a place to stay, and I’m surrounded by beautiful young ladies. The only bad thing is, and I’m not making excuses, but . . . the girls here loved to party, and that really cut into my study time. Oh, it’s not like I was ever invited to the parties or anything, but being surrounded by a bunch of loud, happy, gorgeous girls is kinda distracting. 

Once again, I failed to get into Todai. I didn’t just fail; I flunked. Somehow, Naru managed to flunk too. So we both had to study for an extra year. A whole year. Sometimes I wondered if the little girl who I’d made the promise to even existed, or if she was a figment of my imagination. But, it didn’t matter so much anymore. Getting the chance to go to Todai with Naru was fast becoming my secret desire. 

Of course, if I ever said that to Naru, she’d say she wasn’t studying just to go to college with me, and then she’d probably punch me. 
I couldn’t tell if she liked me or hated me, half the time. And why was she so stuck on whatever Suu and Sara were up to? “Gosh, I really don’t get girls,” I blurted out. 
“Want me to teach you, pal?” said a sultry voice. 
I jumped up. I knew that voice. 
It was Mitsune Konno, but everyone called her Kitsune (fox) because she was so foxy. She placed her hands on the tub and peered over the edge at me. “Oh, you’re so naughty, you’ll get me all wet!” 
She was only a year older than Naru. They’d known each other since elementary school. They were polar opposites. Naru was a perfectionist, a very serious honor student, and a modest girl. Kitsune loved men, dirty jokes, alcohol and gambling. Plus, she was a total free loader. 
Once I had remarked on how she and Naru were totally different, and Kitsune had commented that they were both similar in that they had killer bodies. 

It was true; they were hot. But Naru was nice, and Kitsune was nasty (the kind that keeps you awake and leaves you frustrated). 
Naru’s moods were easier to gauge—she yelled or cried openly. I never could figure out Kitsune. I had no idea what she was doing here, and it made me nervous. 
“Kitsune . . . th-th-this is the mens bath,” I stammered. 
“I know that,” she whispered. “I thought I’d scrub your back for you.” 
She raked me with her gaze. She’d probably rake me with her tongue, if I wasn’t careful. I stood up—then covered my privates and ducked back down into the bath. 
We stared eye to eye. Kitsune batted her eyelashes. 
“What’s up, Kitsune?” 
“Nothing. I just can’t hold back anymore.” She stood up and stripped off her tee shirt. Her breasts almost bounced out of her bra. “My clothes are all wet. But if I take off my bottoms, I’ll be naked.” 
“W-w-wait! Please don’t do that!” I panicked. 
She smiled. “Will you let me scrub your back?” 
“Um. Okay?” 
As soon as I saw Kitsune strip down to her underwear, the lower half of my body got excited. I felt flushed and dizzy. 
“I can stay in the tub, right?” I asked. I wasn’t about to get out just to get scrubbed down. 
“My, my, already?” she murmured. “Oh well.” She chuckled at my predicament, then grabbed a washcloth and started to scrub my shoulders. 
“Um, Kitsune?” 
She didn’t reply. I could feel her hot breath on the back of my neck. It shivered down my spine and gave me goose bumps. Originally, my arousal had been kept in check because I was nervous, but now . . . I shuddered. 
Kitsune was very pleased with herself. And had to be excited as well, she was breathing so heavily. Was it possible that a girl could get aroused just from the sight of my naked back? Her breath felt like a long fingernail stroking up my spine; it drove me wild! 
“Can you stand up?” Kitsune’s voice sounded so . . . normal. 
“Its already up.” 
“What a lame joke,” she said. “Just stand up!” She grabbed me under my armpits and hauled me to my feet. 
“Oh, its embarrassing!” I covered myself, but Kitsune just squatted down, her face almost brushing against my butt. I mean, I’m talking just a few millimeters of space between us, here! 
I turned my head, and saw she wasn’t aroused in the slightest bit. 
“Kitsune, what are you looking at?” 
She startled and hastily looked up. “What do you mean?” 
“You’re looking at me so hard. Do I have a mole or something there?” 
She gasped. “I don’t see any, but... I can tell your fortune by reading moles!” 
I just stood there, very confused. “Uh huh.” 
“Let me read your future for you, Keitaro,” she said. “Turn around, show me your front.” 
“Wait! Front, as in . . . front?” I gulped. I started babbling. 
She just whipped me around. “Don’t worry. Just let me look.” 
“But I’m naked,” I whined. 
“I can’t see your moles with your clothes on, silly! I already said, I can’t hold back anymore!” 
Just then, I heard the voice of a goddess. (My goddess, at least.) 
“Kitsune, is that you?” Naru called. 
“Yeah!” Kitsune called back. 
I felt faint. Naru walked into the men’s bath and my goddess transformed into a demon from hell. “What the hell. . . ? Keitaro, you dirty little weasel!” 
“No! No, Narusegawa, I—” 
Kitsune tried to make a hasty exit, but Naru stood in the entrance (wearing nothing but a towel, I might add). 
“What are you doing here?” Naru asked Kitsune. “Did Keitaro drag you in here?” 
Kitsune hid behind the tub, using me as a human shield. I wobbled a bit. 
Naru covered her eyes and screeched. “You freak! Don’t show me that dirty thing!” 
I frowned. “Dirty? I’m in the bathtub, for crying out loud!” 
“Don’t get near me, you pervert!” Naru’s face turned bright red. She grabbed the lip of the tub and pushed it over. 
KER-SPLASH! 
The tub flipped. Water poured down onto the lawn below, taking me along with it.