Chapter Twelve
That very night, I had casually napped and then rushed to catch the last flight back to T City. I stayed up until daybreak, bracing myself to wake Cheng Yi Chen up.
Drowsy-eyed and in his disheveled night clothes, he opened the door for me and told me that, because Shu Nian fell ill, Ke Luo had left first thing in the morning once more, taking the earliest flight to S City.
I was at a loss for words. I bitterly laughed. I should have known. I run after him, and he circles around Shu Nian.
Sometimes I couldn’t help but think that maybe I lost because I was too strong.
I would always survive. My skin was thick. I suffer severely once, and I instantly make a comeback after a moment’s rest.
I never thought that a man’s perseverance and strength were anything bad, so I followed Lu Feng’s example. But now I had to admit that men can rely on weakness to win.
As soon as Shu Nian fell ill, the first thing Ke Luo did was drop everything and rush to his side. If I had fallen critically ill that day, who knew whether Ke Luo would abandon old grudges and turn around to take care of me.
Yet I’d worked hard all my life to take good care of my health. I was strong and fit. Apart from occasionally catching a coughing cold, I’d never even experienced a toothache.
Having come to this point, I was still hung up over Ke Luo. It was inevitable that I’d be ridiculed by others.
But it’s rare in one’s lifetime to be obsessed with one person. When truly coming upon it, who can let go?
I was too old to break free from it.
Even if I forced myself into his hands, Ke Luo was to me precisely how Shu Nian was to Ke Luo. No matter how clearly aware I was of it, I could never free myself from it.
As a result, my words turned out to be a prophecy that very day. I had abdominal pains. I had probably eaten something bad. I sat on the toilet and “couldn’t relieve myself.” The entire night, I was engaged in vomiting and released so much that I almost had a rectal prolapse.
I was tormented until the middle of the night. Worn out and lacking the strength to relieve myself—though there was nothing to release—with a breath still left in me, I struggled to climb into bed and collapsed from exhaustion.
Yet, in the end, soon after, I woke up in pain once more. I felt my stomach pain intensify. My heart cried out that this was far from good. If this continues, don’t tell me it’s impossible to ever be relieved of it.
I was in so much pain that I couldn’t stand straight. I knew I should call someone. I quit hesitating at once and dialed Ke Luo’s number.
This time he actually answered. Hearing the rustle from my end, he probably felt something was amiss and asked, “Uncle Lee? What’s wrong?”
Something stirred in me. I struggled to speak, “I don’t feel well. Will you come see me?”
Ke Luo paused. He seemed to be hesitating. “I’m sorry. I’m in S City. Shu Nian is ill, and I’m keeping him company.”
Although I was gritting my teeth in pain, I still didn’t forget to negotiate with him, “Doesn’t he have Xie Yan accompanying him?”
“I’m sorry,” he sincerely dismissed me, “Uncle Lee, you should hurry to the hospital.”
“…” I had asked for rejection. Embarrassed, I felt like I was blindly copying others and making myself look foolish—learning from Shu Nian to use some illness as a bargaining chip.
“Okay, then I’ll do so now.”
“Sorry.”
After hanging up, the sharp pain I had suppressed rendered me speechless. Cold sweat dripped from my forehead. At my wit’s end, like all sick people without assistance, I shivered with cold as I desperately struggled to call the emergency number.
To call an ambulance because of a bad stomach, even if the officer blamed me for making a fuss about nothing, it couldn’t be helped. I led a solitary life. If by any chance I died, no one would know of my stench-emitting corpse. I had to particularly cherish life.
It wasn’t until I was sent to the emergency room that I realized calling for an ambulance was the right thing to do. I had an acute appendicitis along with food poisoning. I would very likely have ascended to heaven in the apartment that evening had I not severed that troublesome appendix.
The thought of having vigorously lived my life and to have kicked the bucket from an appendix would have been a little too ridiculous.
After the operation, I lay on the hospital bed in a trance, seeming to be awake yet not awake. The anesthetic effect passed. I lightly coughed, and the area where I had been operated on ached dully.
The dusk light streamed through the window. Like an old man whose day was approaching the end, I sighed.
Sometimes I wished I was heterosexual. At this age, perhaps I would have automatically settled down with a family. Even without a wife, there would always be one or two illegitimate child, which wouldn’t be so bad compared to being all alone like this.
I passed the time not eating nor drinking, bored to death. I didn’t eat anything until I heard my stomach growled. One scoop after another I ate the bland, tasteless congee, and fell asleep soon after.
If it was Shu Nian, Ke Luo would probably have kept watch all day and night with his considerate words and gentle smiles. I tried every possible way to sleep. I had tried to set myself in Shu Nian’s place, deluding myself into thinking I was loved by Ke Luo, yet I couldn’t entirely imagine so.
Even fantasizing was a failure, so I was only able to listlessly sleep away.
When I woke up from my slumber, I saw Lin Jing’s dozing face.
To my surprise, someone had come see me. It was really unexpected. After being stunned for quite a while, I had some mixed feelings. “Hey!”
Startled, Lin Jing abruptly opened his eyes. “You scared me to death, like the sudden rise of the living dead.”
“You even brought such a tacky fruit basket!”
“It’s good enough to have something to eat. You’re so picky!”
I lashed out, “I just had my appendix cut. How can I eat a peach now?!”
“Alright, there’s the soup Uncle Chen cooked for you. You can always have that.”
Cheng Yi Chen’s homemade food was pretty good. I held the bowl and sipped the soup. “How did you know I was hospitalized?”
“Ke Luo told me.”
“Huh?” I almost spilled the bowl of soup on my face. “He came?”
“Yeah, it was him who bought the bouquet of flowers. It’s tackier than my fruit basket, right? You kept sleeping, and he couldn’t wait for you to wake up any longer, so he asked me to help look after you.”
As if struck by lightning, I hastily asked, “Where’s he now?”
“He hurried to S City again.” Lin Jing openly ate the apple he had brought for me. He sighed and said, “That frequent flyer. But don’t worry, I’ll take care of you. Ke Luo gave me two limited edition games. And seeing as I’ve been entrusted by someone, I have to let Uncle Chen raise you nice and plump…”
“Hey, what’s with that expression of yours?” Lin Jing stared at me. “Is that a smile? …oy, you didn’t damage your nerves when they cut your appendix, did you?”
For a short while, I couldn’t clearly say what I was feeling. When I didn’t carry any hope, I’d suddenly see a tiny faint ray of light.
“You stinking brat, you actually accepted a bribe to take care of me? Was your conscience eaten by a dog?”
“Eh? I’ve wanted them for so long.” Lin Jing grinned. “Since he agreed to give them, if I didn’t accept them, it would have been a waste. Don’t be like this, Lee. Getting angry will burst open your wound…”
***
Eventually I couldn’t stand it any longer. I called Ke Luo.
“Hello, Uncle Lee?” His tone was no longer harsh. Just hearing his voice made my back weak. “Is your health better?”
“It’s fine. Thanks a lot for the flowers.”
“It’s a matter of course.” The noise from the background faded. He seemed to have gone to a quieter area. “You have to rest well. Don’t randomly eat things.”
“Ke Luo...”
I was just about to say more when I heard him say, “Uncle Lee, I have something to attend to. I’ll give you a call another time.”
For the next couple of days, I would be so tense whenever the phone rang. I’d have a strong hunch that it would be Ke Luo, yet the callers would just end up as Lin Jing, a few of my drinking buddies, and automated telemarketers.
Over time, I realized that there was no need to hold out hope. The bouquet Ke Luo had sent and the words he’d said, even though he was courteous and considerate, they were full of gentleness that was particularly for the sick. But now I finally realized it was only perfunctory. I’d often act the same way to others.
There was no news of Shu Nian as well.
Of course, I wasn’t waiting for news of him. I knew he wouldn’t have any memories of me.
It’s just that the only remaining relative I had in this world had completely forgotten about me.
***
I went back to working at the company again.
Now that Ke Luo was absent-minded and Lu Feng was wound up in family matters, the company was in need of manpower. Regardless of whether Lu Feng was actually informed of me being a traitor or not, since he didn’t pursue the matter, I just seized the opening. I always adapted to the circumstance.
I struggled to earn a paycheck even though I felt my spirit repeatedly dampened. Not having a retirement place yet wasn’t entirely bad for now. It’s better than eating oneself out of house and home.
Maybe I’ll spend the rest of my life working for the pair of father and son.
Since there were too many things that needed Ke Luo’s signature, I met with him again.
His affairs and love wounds were none of my business. But, no matter how unrelated the brat’s life or death was, I couldn’t allow the company to go bankrupt. Otherwise who would I look to for my paycheck? And what would I eat for my next meal?
Upon seeing his appearance, I was truly startled. In ten days time, he became pale and haggard: his eyes weary and his skin lacked luster. I couldn’t help but rub my chin and think that if I had first met him like this, I probably wouldn’t have fallen for him.
“What’s the matter?” Unable to hold back, I still shot my mouth off and asked him.
Ke Luo had his head lowered as he scribbled his signature on large piles of paperwork. “Shu Nian’s ill.”
Once he started to speak, his voice came out hoarse. It had lost its sweet sound. I didn’t know whether I should rejoice. If the pretty boy’s frame of mind wilted, losing its appeal, wouldn’t I be liberated from him soon?
I sighed. “I know his health is bad, but don’t worry too much. Nothing is incurable.”
Ke Luo quickly flipped over documents, a bit of a hurry.
From my angle, I could see that his hair grew longer. His bangs nearly covered his eyes. I had a slight urge to reach out and help him brush them aside.
“Of course it’s curable. It’s not as if it’s a fatal illness. It’s only leukemia.”
He had said it so fast that I almost didn’t catch what he’d said.
When I reacted, an explosion went off in my ears and my mind went blank. Shock along with an inexplicable fear engulfed me.
For several seconds, I couldn’t utter a word. I could only hear the rustling of papers amidst the silence.
“Such a huge matter…why didn’t you tell me sooner?” My mouth was slightly dry.
“Why do I have to tell you? If I had told you, would you have cared? Even if I tell the whole world, what good would it do? I won’t have others look at him with pity. Don’t keep revolving around this topic when you see him. Telling him day and night how much longer he has left to live. When he’ll die, how he’ll die…”
The tip of the pen suddenly tore a large hole in the document. Ke Luo’s tolerance seemed to be at its limit. “He’s already endured enough. I don’t want anybody to look at him as if he’s on death’s bed…”
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