Majo no Tabitabi - Volume 11 - Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

The Case of the Blood-Drenched Diner

“Kyaaaaaahhh!”

A shriek echoed through a restaurant in a certain city. And yet not a single person inside had any reaction to the woman’s sorrowful wailing.

It happened while all the lights in the restaurant were off, just as a cake was being carried over to a couple seated next to the window. Lively music accompanied the event.

There was a warm round of applause for the happy couple. They were celebrating their one-year anniversary at a fancy restaurant. The restaurant’s status as one of the top three in the country was subject to some debate, though. It was sheer coincidence that each person in the restaurant—myself included—was present for the couple’s happy moment. Nonetheless, the spirited applause felt genuine.

Because everyone in the restaurant was caught up in the moment, we all—myself included—assumed the woman’s shriek was one of unbridled joy.

However, there was definitely something off about it…

…Because the shriek had not come from the window seat where the cake had been delivered. It came from deeper inside the restaurant.

The cake was placed on the couple’s table, the candle flames dancing to the music, and after a warm round of applause, the lights in the restaurant were turned back on.

In contrast to the celebration of the two people by the window, I sensed something disturbing was taking place in the back of the restaurant. So I turned around to look, after-dinner teacup in my hand.

“Is this for real…?”

I got goose bumps.

What I saw shocked me so much, I nearly dropped my cup.

The back of the restaurant had been transformed into a gruesome scene, far removed from the momentous occasion up front.

Lying on the floor was a beautiful young woman. Her white dress was splattered with red, and an expanding pool of the same color was slowly soaking into the very expensive-looking carpet of the three-star restaurant, utterly ruining it.

That was when it finally dawned on us.

We had a very messy situation on our hands…

“Someone wrapped their arms around me from behind and touched my boobs!” blurted the woman who had been lying on the floor as she sat up.

“……”

Yes, the woman was alive and well.

Being molested by a stranger in the dark seemed to have caused her incredible distress, for the woman’s lips were pressed stiffly together, her cheeks were puffed out, and her made-up face was red with rage.

The angry woman at the center of the red-soaked clothes and carpet was a bizarre sight, to say the least, and all the people in the restaurant gathered around her. Of course, I was no exception.

It was around that time I realized the red liquid dripping from the woman wasn’t actually blood.

“…That smells strong.”

It was alcohol.

Looking carefully, I saw a wine bottle lying on the carpet. It reeked of booze.

“Hey! Someone just called me smelly! Even though I’m the victim here!”

The woman burst into tears.

Who on earth could have been guilty of making such a statement, without a shred of consideration for the victim?

That’s right, it was me.

“Is that red wine all over you?”

With a cool expression on my face, as if I hadn’t just put my foot in my mouth, I stepped out of the circle of noisy onlookers crowded around the woman. I crouched down, and when I touched the stain that was spreading across the carpet, the red liquid stuck to my fingertips.

When I sniffed it, as expected, it had the scent of wine.

“Of course it’s wine! You can tell just by looking! Who do you take me for?!”

“Um, this is the first time we’ve met, so…”

I don’t even know her name, so I’ll call her Wine Lady for now. Y’know, since she’s covered in it.

Now, let’s establish the facts.

Immediately after the lights in this swanky restaurant were lowered for the celebration, a woman’s scream rang out, and when the lights came back up, a woman covered in red wine (Wine Lady) was lying on the floor. And to make matters worse, the woman claims that her chest was fondled while the lights were out.

I see, I see.

“Smells like foul play…,” an employee behind me mumbled, wearing a somewhat bemused expression.

I can’t smell anything but wine.

“This is terrible…” One man in the circle surrounding the woman furrowed his brow. He was the owner of the restaurant. “This carpet is a priceless antique. I have no choice but to seek restitution now that it is so badly soiled…”

Now that’s a problem.

“This is terrible…” Just then, another man spoke up from the crowd of people surrounding the woman. “Our anniversary date was ruined by this commotion… Why don’t you waive the fee for the cake, and we’ll call it even?”

How dare you try to take advantage of this disturbance?

“This is terrible…” A third person spoke up. It was a sweaty man with a body like a barrel. “The dinner I’d been so eagerly anticipating finally arrived, but now I’m glued to the crime scene, and I worry my food will get cold…”

Then why don’t you just go eat it…?

Sadly, all the men around Wine Lady seemed wholly incompetent.

“How cruel! Men are always like this! They only ever think about themselves! Ugh, I hate men!” the woman cried as she launched into broad condemnation.

And then…

“Well, well. This reeks of foul play. Wouldn’t you agree, my dear Assistant?”

“I would, Professor.”

From out of nowhere, two voices rang out. One was the very calm voice of an adult woman. The other was the soft voice of a child—at least, I think it was a kid. For some reason, the two voices sort of sounded like they were coming from the same person.

The voices resembled each other very closely, almost like one person was playing the roles of two different people.

When I turned around to look, I saw a young woman standing a short distance from the ring of people encircling Wine Lady.

“…………”

She looked to be in her mid-twenties. A hunting cap was perched on top of her light brown hair, and she was wearing an extremely long trench coat. She was dressed up to look just like a detective, and for some reason, she had a puppet over each hand.

Her light red eyes darted left to right as she repeatedly made the puppets face each other and act out little scenarios.

“The culprit is here among us.”

“They sure are, Professor.”

“I shall assume the role of investigator.”

I was irritated, and the other spectators were confused. Without glancing toward or paying attention to those around her, the girl dressed as a detective flapped her puppets’ mouths open and closed.

“By the way, Professor, what does foul play smell like?”

“Like red wine, I suppose.”

Between the chattering puppets, the detective was wearing a rather elated expression.

“…………”

Great, another weirdo…

“Heh-heh-heh… How about a kiss, dear Assistant?”

“Ah, we mustn’t, Professor. Not here…”

“…………”

Yep, this was definitely annoying.

The young woman looked absolutely ridiculous, but apparently she was rather well-known, and several people in the restaurant started to make a fuss.

“Ah…that’s…!”

“It’s her…! The Puppet Detective!”

“I can’t believe she’s here in this restaurant…!”

So she’s known as the Puppet Detective?

“Is she really that famous?” I pushed my way in among several people who were talking noisily so that I could listen in on their conversation.

The gossiping people nodded together.

“Yeah… I’ve only heard rumors about her, but…apparently she reasons her way through cases by making her hand puppets talk to each other.”

That’s a pretty odd quirk.

“By the way, her powers of deduction aren’t anything to write home about. I’d say the most impactful thing about her is her outfit.”

Well, that was mean…

“And to be honest, her look is so cheap that she took first place in the Detectives with Sloppy Character Designs rankings.”

In the what rankings?

“That reminds me, she also took first place in the Detectives with Creepy Fetishes rankings, because she gets uncomfortably handsy with the young ladies.”

I’m sorry, the what rankings?!

“In short, she’s your garden-variety creep.”

There we go.

That was the POV of an expert on the subject.

Sounds like she’s nothing but a creep…

Meanwhile, the detective who was having her name dragged through the mud didn’t seem to be the least bit interested in solving the case, even though she looked the part. She was still playing with her puppets, so as I handed Wine Lady a towel, I made a proposal to the owner.

“Would you like me to magically put the wine that’s been soaked into the dress and the carpet back where it came from?”

If the woman’s chest had been groped in the dark, then there was no doubt the culprit was among us, but before we could deal with that, we had to deal with Wine Lady, who was still soaked in wine.

We couldn’t just leave her like that. She was letting out these adorable little sneezes, which meant she had probably already caught a chill from being in wet clothes.

You’ll get sick if you don’t dry off, you know?

“Wait. Miss Witch, could I ask you to hold off for a little while?”

Behind the restaurant owner, the detective was forcing the puppets on her hands into a furious embrace. They were crumpled together.

“Mwah!”

“Oh, Professor, you mustn’t!”

That doesn’t look like any kiss I’ve ever seen…

“…Wait. But what for?” I ignored the bizarre spectacle on view behind the owner.

“From the look of it, the wine that spilled from the bottle soiled this lady and the carpet on the floor. I think I ought to get the person responsible to pay for the damages,” he replied.

Oh, I see.

“We should preserve the crime scene so we can investigate, is that what you’re saying?”

“Assistant, my darling Assistant!” the professor puppet proclaimed.

“Professor, I love you…!” the assistant puppet replied.

“Yes, that’s exactly it,” the owner said. “For now, just in case, let’s leave all the food and drinks on the other tables right where they are until we solve this case. We don’t know where we might find a clue that’ll lead us to the culprit.”

“If that’s what you think is best, that’s what we’ll do,” I agreed. “But…won’t that leave her in soaking-wet clothes?”

“Assistant…”

“Professor…”

“Yes, well, I’ll have her change into one of the restaurant’s spare uniforms instead.”

“I see… So then you want me to use magic to restore her clothes and the carpet after we solve the case, is that right?”

“Assistant…!”

“Professor…!”

“Is that possible, Lady Witch?”

“Yeah, sure… It’s just that the more time passes, the more rapidly the magical energy dissipates, so we need to start resolving this situation as quickly as possible, or it may be too late.”

“Assistant!”

“Professor!”

“Oh my, is that so…? In that case, we must seek out the culprit immediately.”

“Assistant!”

“Professor!”

“Assistant!”

“Professor!”

“……”

“……”

“Assista—”

“What’s going on over there?!”

I finally lashed out at the girl, who was still making the puppets on her hands embrace. However, in response to me glaring daggers at her, she not only looked slightly proud of herself but proceeded to brush me off with a nonsensical statement: “A lovers’ chat…I suppose?”

So I take it that you have no intention of solving this case?

“How about doing the job you’re all dressed up for? You are a detective, aren’t you?” I said, somewhat nonchalantly.

“Oh!” She smiled broadly. “So you’ve gleaned my true identity. Good work.”

“It wasn’t that hard, considering how you’re dressed…”

Actually, didn’t you give yourself away earlier? Weren’t you going to “assume the role of investigator”?

“You seem to have a rather keen eye for observation. Perhaps I’ll appoint you to be my assistant.”

“What are you talking about all of a sudden?”

“Ah, but the Professor on my right hand already has her Assistant here on my left hand, so things will get a little confusing if you’re called assistant, too. In that case, you can be my sidekick.”

“Seriously, what are you talking about?”

“By the way, Sidekick, did you finish your conversation with the owner?”

Oh, so I guess the idea of me helping you is a done deal already?

Well, if the question is whether or not I finished talking to him, I guess I did.

“…First of all, to keep damages to a minimum, it sounds like we must solve the case with the utmost haste.”

I mean, I wasn’t the one who spilled the wine, so I wouldn’t mind sitting back with a cool look on my face as if nothing happened, but according to what the owner said, it seems like the restaurant is on lockdown until the culprit is found, so until we reach a solution, I guess I’m stuck here.

What we need here is swift and skillful crime-solving.

“I get the picture. That means it’s time for me to step in, isn’t it?”

“Have you figured out who the culprit is?”

“Heh-heh-heh.”

“You haven’t, have you?” I turned to her with an unamused expression.

Flapping the mouth of the puppet on her right hand (aka the Professor), the detective lowered her voice somewhat.

“Honestly, I just got back from the bathroom, so I don’t really know what’s going on,” the puppet said.

“The biggest question is that of suspects and the like, right?”

“Which is why we’ll start interviewing witnesses now. Sidekick, I want you to back me up. Don’t worry. Once we get that information, we’ll sort this out quickly,” the detective said, the expression on her face brimming with mysterious confidence.

Of course, I was planning to refuse. I intended to politely turn her down, to hit her with a no. I couldn’t think of any job more bothersome.

However…

“I, too, am requesting your help.”

Jumping in along with the detective was the owner of the restaurant, who had been standing right next to me, listening intently to our conversation.

“Would you come with me for a moment?” the owner asked. He led me over to a corner of the restaurant and spoke in a very low whisper, even though there was no one around us.

“I want to make sure things don’t get any more serious than they are now. You see, there’s some debate as to whether this restaurant ranks among the top three in the country, so…”

“…Mm.”

“And honestly, I’m also worried about relying on that strange woman…”

“……”

It would probably cause trouble for the business if their sales dropped because the restaurant was a crime scene. The fact that the owner was so eager to bring the incident to a close quietly told me that his intention was to extract a fine from the culprit and bring the curtain down on the whole affair.

The owner brought his mouth close to my ear and mumbled so that no one else could hear, “If I can get you to solve this thing, I’ll waive your bill for this evening. I’m also prepared to pay you a little reward.”

Oh?

“And I’d be happy to offer you loaves of our signature bread as thanks.”

Seriously?

“How about it?”

“I swear to you I will catch the criminal!”

Standing before the restaurant owner, wearing a wide smile, was someone possessed of a greedy heart.

Who on earth could it have been?

That’s right, it’s me (for the second time today).

And so…

After making this secret arrangement with the owner, I walked back over to the detective with an innocent look on my face.

“Well then, Detective, let’s find this culprit, shall we?”

Suddenly, I was eager to get to work.

“I knew I could count on my sidekick.”

“So what do you need me to do?”

“Sidekick, you know how I have the Professor on my right hand and her Assistant on my left hand?”

“Huh? Yes.”

“Basically, you’ll be doing the same job as them.”

“Oh, absolutely not.”

At any rate, that’s how our joint search for the culprit began.

But in a criminal investigation, there are certain set things that ought to be done first.

I fitted a puppet that I just happened to have with me onto my right hand and flapped its mouth open and closed.

“All right, let’s start with the interviews, shall we, Detective?” asked the falsetto voice.

…………

The detective turned an extremely cold eye on me.

“What are you doing?” she demanded.

Hmm? What do you mean?

“Didn’t you know? It’s all the rage in this country right now.”

“And I’m none too pleased about it. It’s the very essence of foolishness to think you can gain popularity by making up some cheap character.”

“Do you hear yourself?” I replied.

“You’re sorely mistaken if you think you can stand out as a character just by putting on a puppet!”

“Oh my! There’s no helping it, you know. They say birds of a feather flock together,” came the high-pitched response.

“Knock it off!”

Well, since I’d gone to the trouble of getting it out, I kept the puppet on my hand while I investigated the incident as the assistant—no, the sidekick—to the detective.

“Now there are two weirdos…”

The owner of the restaurant seemed to be rather stressed out, but I didn’t pay him any mind.

I wanted to hear from Wine Lady, the victim of the crime, first. But following the restaurant owner’s suggestion, she had disappeared into the back in order to borrow one of the restaurant’s spare uniforms. So, while we were waiting, we decided to hear from the eyewitnesses one by one.

“I believe I’m the one who first uncovered the crime.”

First up was a member of the restaurant staff.

Actually, it was misleading to say he had been the one to first discover the crime, since it had been committed in darkness, but I did recall that this staff member had rushed over to Wine Lady before anyone else. I also remembered that he had been the one to make the cryptic comment “Smells like foul play…” To put it simply, he was kind of a strange guy.

“It surprised me. Right after the lights came back on, I spotted her lying on the floor. I mistook the wine soaking the carpet for blood, and I remember panicking.”

“I see.” The detective nodded. She had a hand over her mouth and seemed to be deep in thought about something. Incidentally, that hand still had a puppet on it, so it looked like she had a puppet going to town on her lips. I couldn’t help but wonder how she was conducting herself like this with a straight face.

The staff member’s testimony generally agreed with my understanding of the situation, and I sensed nothing particularly out of place, but the detective didn’t seem to think so.

“It’s strange.” She narrowed her eyes. “Did you see exactly what caused her to fall?”

“Huh? I’m not sure how to answer that… She just happened to fall, I guess…?”

“In other words, what you’re saying is…you just happened to be standing in a spot where you could see her, and when the lights came on, you saw that she just happened to be lying on the floor—”

“Y-yeah. That’s right…?”

“And coincidences like that just happen, do they…?”

Sure they do.

Perhaps she had a skeptical nature, for the detective then just narrowed her eyes and muttered, “Do they, though? Sounds fishy…”

It may be a common trope in mystery novels to have the first person on the scene turn out to be the culprit, but in this case, he didn’t seem like anything more than an upstanding employee who really did discover the incident first. I felt pity for the man and urged the detective, “Let’s listen to what the other guests have to say.”

“He was a little suspicious, wasn’t he, Assistant?”

“He sure was, Professor.”

The detective was making her puppets talk to each other.

My puppet’s mouth also started flapping. “Now, now, wouldn’t it be premature to decide he’s the culprit?” it asked in its falsetto voice.

“Doesn’t that feel cheap?” I added, giving the Puppet Detective a pitying stare.

“How dare you say that?”

Well then, I suppose I must relay how the questioning of the second and subsequent witnesses went. Unfortunately, the crime had been committed in the dark, and moreover, everyone in the restaurant had been paying attention to the couple by the window, so it would be no exaggeration to say that we got basically no new information.

“Before I realized anything had happened, the woman was on the floor, and the sight of her gave me quite the fright. But I’m sorry, I was sitting here the whole time, so I can’t really offer any more information… I hope you catch the culprit soon.” The woman who had been spending her one-year anniversary in the booth by the window showed concern for Wine Lady.

What a good person.

“How could this terrible atrocity happen on our anniversary…?” Then there was the man who had been celebrating a year with his lover… He was already back in his seat, staring at the cake that was slowly getting stale. “It’s only right that they should waive the fee for the cake, at the very least, right? Though it’d be nice if I could get them to pay me some compensation while they’re at it.” His head seemed full of nothing but thoughts of money.

We finished interviewing the couple, but the detective had a peevish look on her face as her puppet chowed down on her mouth as usual.

“It’s strange…”

“Something on your mind?”

“I wonder what that woman sees in him…”

“I was wondering the same thing,” replied the falsetto voice as my right hand nodded along.

But that didn’t seem to have anything to do with the crime, so I dropped it.

Then we resumed our investigation.

“…It—it wasn’t me! She was already on the floor by the time I noticed her, and besides, I was eating my dinner when the lights went out. S-so it couldn’t have been me!”

There was nothing inherently unusual about the next man’s testimony, but a somewhat suspicious air hung over the halting and theatrical response given by the male customer with the barrel-shaped body who had been sitting alone in the corner of the restaurant.

In order to preserve the scene, no one had been allowed to touch the dishes on the tables. Consequently, the man had been involuntarily forced to postpone his meal and had been unsettled ever since. His gaze was primarily focused on his chicken, not us.

He didn’t seem to be someone who paid much attention to his own personal appearance. While we were talking to him, we were surrounded by the aromas of his cold chicken dinner and his body odor, which was strong enough to make us wrinkle our noses a little.

When the two of us were finally alone again, the detective grumbled to me with a puppet over her mouth, “That guy was kind of stinky, wasn’t he, Sidekick…?”

“He sure was.”

“Ewwwwwwwwwwww!” my right hand cried out in falsetto. Loudly.

In the end, our witness interviews didn’t yield any results.

A few minutes later, the unfortunate female customer who had been groped in the dark and then drenched in wine, also known as Wine Lady, came back into the dining room.

She reappeared just as the detective was shoving her puppets at my shoulder and cheek out of boredom, making them bite at me while she said things like “Sidekick, give us a kiss! Come on…” and just as my right hand was responding in falsetto with things like “Don’t touch me! I’ll kill you!” as it viciously slapped the Puppet Detective’s cheeks.

“Achoo!”

Wine Lady let out an adorable sneeze. She was dressed in the restaurant’s uniform, a blouse and black skirt with an apron. She trotted over to us. “Miss Detective, have you found the culprit?”

The smell of freshly washed clothes and the faintly lingering scent of wine hung lightly on her.

“This person smells lovely, doesn’t she, Sidekick?” The detective brought her face close to the nape of Wine Lady’s neck and sniffed.

“Ohhh, does she now?”

The scent of wine had permeated the air around the woman.

I don’t particularly care for this scent, you know?

“Ah, wait, what are you—? Stop that!”

The pitiful Wine Lady suddenly flushed crimson and fiddled with her hair. Then she told us what had happened in the darkness in detail.

“I get angry just thinking about it.”

The victim’s testimony confirmed what we’d already heard several times before—the crime had taken place in the dark.

The woman had been gazing at the flickering light of the candles as she sipped her wine, offering half-hearted applause to the couple celebrating their one-year anniversary.

That was when she sensed something out of place on her chest.

…! I’m being fondled! Help, someone’s touching me!

The woman said she had, without a doubt, felt a hand that had reached out from behind her grab firmly onto her right breast. There was no affection in the touch, no emotion at all. It was a crude act of lust-driven assault.

She was furious over the fact that some stranger would take advantage of the joyous moment and commit such a despicable act.

I won’t let you get away with this!

Surrendering herself to the rage that boiled in her chest, the woman retaliated against the despicable criminal. At once, she gripped her wine glass and splashed its contents on the criminal behind her.

The hand that had been groping her pulled away, but that was not enough to settle Wine Lady’s anger. She tightly grasped a wine bottle sitting on the table and swung it around, trying to hit the groper, who she knew must be there in the darkness.

The wild swing of the wine bottle threw the woman off balance, and she fell down to the floor beside her table.

Then the lights came back on.

And we all knew what had happened after that.

The woman lying in the puddle of red wine that was pooling like blood lifted her head and screamed, “Someone wrapped their arms around me from behind and touched my boobs!”

And here we were.

That was the full story of the incident.

After hearing her out, the detective put on the same peevish expression as before and, giving her voice over to the puppet, said, “Something’s not quite clear.”

“…………”

Her explanation just now seemed perfectly satisfactory to me.

“What part isn’t clear?” I asked, cocking my head along with the puppet on my right hand.

The detective took a hard look at Wine Lady and asked a crazy question. “In what way were you fondled?”

“What?!” Wine Lady raised her voice just as wildly when she answered.

Seriously, what are you saying?

“I can’t really tell what happened in the dark just from your explanation. Let’s reenact it once to set the scene.”

How can you say that with such a serious look on your face?

“A r-reenactment…?” Wine Lady was obviously flustered. “Y-you want to do it here?”

“Yes. This being the scene of the crime and all.”

“Um, but…”

“If I’m not mistaken, you said the culprit groped your chest from behind, is that right?”

The detective, who had immediately taken up a position behind Wine Lady, placed both her hands on the woman’s shoulders, brought her mouth close to the woman’s ear, and said, “Like this, maybe?” Her mysterious enthusiasm left no room for doubt.

“Huh? Y-yeah…just like that…” Wine Lady was casually assaulted yet again.

“And it was in this condition that you suffered the harassment?”

If you’re asking about harassment, I think she’s suffering through it right now.

“From this position…I was groped…”

“In what way?”

“Um, well…”

“If I remember correctly, you said it was your right breast that was fondled, correct? Which means that, from this position, the culprit must have extended their right hand and stretched it out toward your chest. I’ll just go ahead and—”

“W-wait!”

“What’s the matter?”

“…I want you to turn the lights off.”

What the heck did I just watch?

“Ewwwwwwwwwwww!” my right hand whined in falsetto at the over-the-top spectacle. Loudly.

But the two people before me must have been in their own little world, because they paid no attention to me glaring at them, or to anything else.

I can’t watch this.

That was when I inserted myself between them and forced them apart. “Let’s stop right there.”

“Ah…” Wine Lady looked back at the detective reluctantly, with a somewhat mournful expression.

“How cruel!” the detective earnestly objected.

What about this is cruel?

“Need I remind you to do the job you’re all dressed up for?”

It’s the second time today I’ve had to use that line.

“What? I’m reenacting the crime right now, aren’t I?”

So you’re telling me you always conduct your investigations that way? Your investigative techniques are painting a very clear picture as to why people think you’re creepy…

Perhaps because she was upset that her work had been interrupted, the Puppet Detective pouted and fidgeted as she put her puppets together mouth to mouth.

Ah, I’ve seen that kiss before.

“So did you learn anything from your little demonstration?”

“Mm.”

She nodded, full of confidence.

And she said—

“She has the same type of scent to her that I do.”

I see, I see.

“In short, it’s safe to say we got nothing out of it?”

“How cruel!”

“Assistant, it seems like this case will remain unsolved, doesn’t it?”

“Indeed it does, Professor. I’m not sure whether or not we should just go ahead and give up on this one.”

After we were more or less finished with our interviews, the Puppet Detective held a conversation between her two puppets.

In short, all hope seems lost. We’ll never catch the culprit at this rate… Wait, huh?

“That’s kind of a problem for me. If we quit now, I won’t get my reward.”

Do some detecting, Detective.

“It really is unfortunate, but there was always a chance of this outcome since the crime was committed in the dark.” She shrugged. “We’ve got no clues, and the motive is unclear. As it stands, there are no conclusions that can be drawn. Oh, what a lost cause!”

She shrugged again. I’m sure it was just my imagination that she actually appeared to have zero interest in detective work from the moment she appeared on the scene.

But I was still in a bind.

Well then, let’s see what my right hand thinks about all this.

“The culprit probably made an impulsive and reckless attack,” said the falsetto voice.

“Oh-hoh. So you’re saying that an impulsive urge was the motive behind the crime?”

“That’s right. Because the victim was so pretty. When pretty people are around, some people feel compelled to force themselves upon them,” replied my right hand in falsetto.

“I see.” I turned around to face the Puppet Detective. “So the criminal was frustrated.”

The Puppet Detective, meanwhile, had turned a very cold eye on me. “…Doesn’t that feel cheap?”

“How dare you say that?”

“But it’s quite a good deduction to reason that someone who was frustrated would be our culprit. Surely someone who wasn’t frustrated would never touch a woman’s body without consent.”

“But I think that’s a motive anyone could come up with on the spot.”

“But, Miss Witch, I’d like you to take a look around the restaurant.”

The Puppet Detective turned toward the dining room as she flapped the mouths on both her hands.

There were all sorts of people there. The couple in the window seats who were supposed to be celebrating their anniversary. The fat man who was dripping with sweat from having to postpone his meal. The restaurant employee who was himself playing detective. And plenty of other people besides.

Let’s see now, are there any bad people in this crowd who might put their hands on a woman out of frustration?

“There aren’t, huh?”

The detective asserted, “There isn’t a single suspicious person in here. Just as I thought, this investigation is over.”

The detective shrugged again, looking disappointed.

Are you sure about that?

“I’ve spotted the culprit, though.”

Maybe you’ve got bad eyes, Detective?

The puppet on my right hand cocked her head.

“Huh…? What do you mean?” The detective stared at me.

What do you mean, what do I mean?

“Well, I’m saying that in hanging around the restaurant this long, it was simple to clock the criminal’s objective. I’ve already figured out who our culprit is.”

“…………Excuse me?”

“Could I get you to gather up everybody in the restaurant right away, Detective?”

I had a feeling I had reversed our roles without realizing it, but I set that aside for the time being.

I said:

“Allow me to resolve this incident right away.”

To that end, I and the puppet on my right hand presented our deductions in front of the customers and staff whom the detective had assembled.

“The things I know about this sequence of events are probably not all that different from what you all know. The crime was committed in the dark, where the victim, this woman, had her chest groped. No one saw the culprit, and the only thing left behind at the scene of the crime was a pool of wine. Is that right?”

I flapped my right hand open and closed. “No mistakes there,” came the falsetto response.

The room got noisy.

“What was that?”

“She’s a lousy puppeteer…”

“That’s just her falsetto…”

“It’s really high…”

“No, wait! Her mouth isn’t moving! As far as that goes, she’s pretty good!”

“But it’s still a falsetto.”

“It’s too high-pitched; I couldn’t understand it.”

…………

I flapped my right hand again.

“I believe the culprit is among us,” came the falsetto voice.

“That’s awful…”

“So high-pitched…”

“Wait, sorry. I couldn’t understand that at all. What did you say?”

…………

I quietly removed the puppet from my right hand.

Immediately after I did so, the Assistant puppet was plopped down on my shoulder.

I turned to look behind me and saw the detective watching me with very sorrowful eyes as she threw out some kind words. “Well…um…chin up?” By the way, the assistant puppet was chewing on my shoulder.

Stop that.

You shouldn’t do things like that to people who aren’t used to it.

Once I was released from the puppet’s grip, I said in my own voice, “Actually, I’ve figured out who the culprit is.”

Let’s review the crime.

In the restaurant with the lights turned out, the criminal committed the despicable act of groping Wine Lady’s chest. But there was something strange about this incident from the start.

“The victim, Wine Lady—”

“Um, hang on. Who’s Wine Lady?”

The jab came from none other than Wine Lady herself. But I ignored her.

“As soon as the lights came on, we saw that the woman who was the victim of this crime was already covered in wine. Isn’t that right, Wine Lady?”

“Um…listen, who is Wine Lady—?”

“Isn’t that right? Wine Lady?”

“Uh…? Sure, yes…”

I forced my way forward.

But I didn’t even need her to answer; it was so obvious from the state of the crime scene that Wine Lady had been covered in wine from the start. The spot where it happened was such a disaster that we had all mistaken the wine for a puddle of blood.

“Her body was so wet with wine that she had to temporarily change her clothes.”

That’s why she’s currently wearing clothes borrowed from the restaurant.

By the way…

“Given that fact, there’s an extremely high possibility that the same damage would have been done to our culprit as well.”

“Hmm?” The detective wheeled around to face me. The puppets on her hands were kissing. “Oh, sorry. What?”

You’re playing around in the middle of reasoning this out…

“I’m saying it’s strange that our culprit isn’t soaked in wine.”

“Oh? Uh, yeah. It…sure is?”

She nodded ambiguously.

So I take it you haven’t been listening to me from the start? Well, whatever.

Allow me to continue.

“But no matter how many interviews we conducted around the restaurant, there was no one who was soaked in wine. This is immediately clear if you’ll all just have a little look at one another. Not a single person here is covered in wine. Isn’t that right, Detective?”

“Yes, that’s true.” She and both her puppets nodded along with boastful expressions. “In other words, this case will remain unsolv—”

“Not at all. What are you talking about?”

Seriously, what are you saying?

I squinted at her and said, “It means the person who committed this crime probably concealed themselves immediately after getting covered in wine and only reentered the room later.”

There were no customers who had been missing since the lights came back on, and any missing staff would have been reasonably suspected. The culprit had to have snuck back inside the restaurant.

But their body would have been covered in wine. If they had come back in like that, everyone would have known they were the culprit.

In which case…

“I believe our culprit is probably someone who fled to another part of the restaurant immediately after they touched Wine Lady’s chest—specifically, they escaped to the area near the restrooms. Isn’t that right, Detective?”

“Huh?” The detective had a look of blank amazement on her face.

I walked slowly but steadily toward her.

“And I believe that in order to cast suspicion away from themselves, our culprit probably pretended to do some detective work to try to fool the rest of us. Isn’t that right, Detective?”

“…Huh?”

“And in pretending to investigate the crime to a certain extent, the culprit probably planned to say something like, ‘It seems like this case will remain unsolved’ and then make their escape. Isn’t that right, Detective?”

“…Um?”

“But I think that no matter how hard they pretended to investigate, and no matter how they tried to fool us, once the culprit was soaked in wine, the scent clung to their body. Isn’t that right, Detective?”

“…Sidekick?”

“Detective. By the way…”

Then I brought my face close to the nape of the detective’s neck and took a deep breath in and out.

I stared at her with a wide grin.

I had wondered about her from the start.

“Smells like foul play…”

I detected a scent on her that could not possibly be covered up.

The smell of foul play.

Or rather, the smell of red wine.

Sure enough, the scent I picked up from the detective was the same scent that surrounded Wine Lady.

Considering that the real reason she’d taken it upon herself to play detective was so that she could muddy the waters around her own crime, it made sense that despite her appearance, the Puppet Detective hadn’t offered a single deduction.

My line of reasoning was apparently in large part correct, because before too long, the detective made a confession.

“Normally, I do make my living doing detective work, but…”

She had a very, very faraway look in her eyes.

“But recently, I’ve been feeling a little frustrated…”

She confessed that much and then let herself be persuaded by the owner to be taken into the back of the restaurant.

“F-frustrated… Unbelievable…”

Wine Lady, the victim, on the other hand, stared at her attacker and for some reason let out a yearning sigh as her cheeks flushed crimson.

I heard the rest of this after the fact, but apparently the detective kept saying nonsensical things like “It wasn’t that I wanted to touch your boobs. I just wanted to kiss you a little bit” and “Whenever I see cute girls, I just…you know…” She put the restaurant owner in a particularly tight spot.

I was stunned by what had happened, and my right hand let out an exasperated sigh. “That was really a terrible incident, wasn’t it?” asked the falsetto voice.

That was how the spectacle in the three-star restaurant came to a close—with misconduct on the part of the detective herself.

By the way, once the incident was over, I used a spell to revert the stains that clung to the carpet and to Wine Lady’s clothes.

The owner of the restaurant had told me he wanted to settle the matter quietly, and it was easy for me to fix things with magic, so doing so was no problem.

But the owner couldn’t forget that the crime the detective committed had resulted in a lot of trouble for his restaurant. No matter how badly he might have wanted to settle things quietly, there was no way he could let her go without punishment.

Apparently, the detective was firmly scolded by the owner of the restaurant in a separate room, then ordered to pay a moderate nuisance fee.

But unfortunately, she didn’t have the funds to cover it.

So what happened as a result was…

“My apologies for the wait. Here is your after-dinner tea…”

…she ended up working at the restaurant for a little while.

Dressed in uniform, the detective set a cup of black tea down on my table and bowed deeply.

“T-take your time and enjoy…”

She was serving customers with a very, very bitter look on her face.

Out of concern, allow me to offer you one bit of advice.

“You ought to smile a little more when you’re taking care of customers, you know.”

“So I’ve been told, but…I don’t really have what it takes for manual labor…” The detective sighed heavily. “And I feel a certain someone constantly staring at me…” She was looking a little pale.

I took a quick look behind her and realized that Wine Lady was looking in our direction from a distant table.

Apparently, the detective had been working in the restaurant every day since the incident to pay off her debt, and according to what she said, Wine Lady had been showing up day after day.

“I think she likes you.”

“Yeah, but she’s laying it on a little thick, and I don’t know what to do…”

“You got what you wanted. Isn’t that wonderful?” a falsetto voice chimed in.

My goodness, listen to what my right hand is saying! That’s a pretty spiteful tone she’s taking.

“I like to pursue, not be pursued. I’m a detective, after all.”

“Detectives don’t grope people’s chests in the dark.”

“I wasn’t trying to touch her boobs. I just wanted to kiss her!”

“…Either way, you’re a real creep, you know that?”

As for what happened after that, the detective told me that Wine Lady’s fervent pining continued daily, and it was way more exhausting than the work she was doing to repay her debt.

My, what a luxurious problem to have.

“Well, surely it’s not that bad—not if you think of it as gaining one more crazy fan.”

“But I’d rather gain fans through my detective work…”

“You’re only in this predicament because you surrendered to your desires and committed a crime in the dark.”

“Uuugh…,” she sighed and lamented, “Why the heck do these things happen to me…?”

Don’t ask me.

The detective herself had invited all of this with her actions. There was no more to be said.

So I looked up at the detective from my seat, as I enjoyed my after-dinner tea, and I raised my right hand.

“Oh my! There’s no helping it, you know,” it said in falsetto. “They say that birds of a feather flock together.”

I heard this after the fact, but apparently the Puppet Detective went on to take first place in the Creepy Idols with Equally Creepy Fans rankings.

Birds of a feather, truly.