Monster no Goshujin-sama - Volume 3 - Chapter 31

Monster no Goshujin-sama: Volume 3 Chapter 31: Unentrusted Feelings (Real)

Translator: Ai-sama
Editor: iwCJ

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~Lily’s PoV~

“……Eh?”

A small murmur escaped my lips.

“Eh?”

And then, once again.
My inner turmoil came out honestly in my voice, shaking the dark world.

The girl in front of me stared at me as if she was observing me.

“Wai, wait a second”

What did I hear just now?
Think back again, and check if you misheard.

No matter how I thought back to it, that wasn’t the case.
Indeed, she had said “I refuse.”

“What’s wrong?”

I was at my wit’s end.

In exchange for my own existence, I would bring Mizushima Miho back into this world.

For her, this surely couldn’t have been a bad deal.
There was no reason for her to refuse.

For me, who had concluded so, this situation was unexpectedly good.

I, who had just made my resolve, was dumbfounded.

“Even if you ask me why, well”

When she saw me like this, “Mizushima Miho” made an awkward smile.

Then, she spoke the words that overturned my basic assumption.

“To begin with……I’m not Mizushima Miho”
“Eh……”

My mind went blank once again.
The girl spoke to me in a matter-of-fact tone.

“What’s so surprising? Mizushima Miho already died a long time ago. Isn’t it natural for her to be nowhere to be found?”
“Bu, but……But!”

I somehow recovered from my daze and replied.

“You’re surely existing right here, aren’t you!?”
“Uーn. You don’t have to mind me at this point”

The girl who listened to my appeal tilted her head as her blue-ish white flames swayed.

“I’m…..right, that. I’m just something like the wreckage after all”
“Wr, ‘wreckage’ you say……”
“Wreckage is just wreckage you know. I’m just something that was left behind by mistake, not something retained from the original. That’s different from Mizushima Miho, right?”

Even though it was about herself, she spoke flatly.

An uninterested expression. A blunt tone.
I was clear that she meant it.

“Besides……”

With a sudden reversal, the girl had a somewhat malicious smile on her lips.

“‘You’ll be able to use your ability as a transferee if you have my feelings,’ you said, I wonder, is that so? Nee, Slime-san who’s nothing but a fake Mizushima Miho?”

Her tone seemed somewhat teasing.

“Everything about you is fake, isn’t it? Then, even if I obtain your feelings, I wonder, wouldn’t I still be unable to manifest my ability? After all, even the feelings you hold for your precious Master are shallow fakes, aren’t they?”
“Th-…….”

Almost reflexively, the words came out of my mouth.

“That’s not true!”
“Right~?”

The girl beamed a smile at me.

“If that’s the case, then you shouldn’t disappear”

It was a very beautiful and gentle expression, one that had the power to take away my objections.

“You’re not a deteriorated copy of Mizushima Miho, you know. Because there are plenty of things there that are yours alone, after all”

The fingertip that was gently thrust out, pointed to the center of my chest.

“‘What in the world am I?’ ‘Where am I?’ That’s what you’ve been asking yourself. But you know, those feelings, are proof that you definitely exist here”

“So,” she said.
The girl spoke in a lively tone.

“It’s impossible for me, who’s nothing more than simple wreckage, to devour you. Rather……you have to devour me. If you want to save Majima-kun”
“If I want to save Master……?”
“Un”

As I directed a look of doubt towards her, the girl replied with a carefree smile, and told me so.

“I mean, by doing so, you’ll be able to obtain Mizushima Miho’s ability as a transferee after all”
“Wha-……”

I was at a loss for words.

That, was a possibility that I had long ago given up on.
It was something that I couldn’t give up on, so I continued to try, but in the end, up until now, I was unable to get it.

When I was told that it could happen, I couldn’t just believe it so easily.

“Wh, what do you mean? In the first place, I’m……”
“A fake, so you can’t handle a unique ability? ……Uun. That’s not true”

The girl shook her head.

“I’m sure that Mana-chan has pointed this out to you before”
“Katou-san?”

The girl nodded at me, who was confused by her unexpected words.

“‘The Mimic Slime’s mimicry ability comes with deterioration, but, in that case, the deterioration should mean that it isn’t [can’t be done] but instead [can be done but imperfectly]’–is what she said. You remember, right?”
“That’s…….”

Indeed, that was what she had said.

The girl peered into my hesitant face.

“Could it be that you forgot?”
“That’s not it, but……”
“You never really thought about it?”
“……”

I couldn’t deny it.

The possibility that it wasn’t due to the limits of my mimicry ability as a Mimic Slime, but rather another reason, did exist.
Now that she mentioned it, I had never seriously considered that possibility.

It was at this moment, that I realized what I was doing for the first time.
I could only say that I was careless.

Had I overlooked that possibility?
No. As I had even said earlier, I hadn’t forgotten about it. In fact, I even recalled a glimpse of it today.

However, I had only recalled it, and then stopped.
I didn’t go any deeper with my thoughts.

I didn’t even want to think about it.

If so, then…….

“…….I had unconsciously, abandoned thinking about it?”
“Well, I guess it can’t be helped can it?”

The girl of wreckage dressed in blue-ish white flames shook her head at me, who was stunned.

“For you, the fact that you’re a fake is the heaviest thing of all. It isn’t strange that you would search for the reason from there.”

She said comfortingly.

“An inferiority complex isn’t something easy to overcome”
“……If so, then what’s the actual reason?”

I lowered my eyebrows.

“Katou-san’s point was that I should be able to mimic the [aptitude to manifest a cheat power] that Mizushima Miho had as a transferee. However, in reality, I couldn’t.”

Feeling miserable, I inquired.

“If there’s some other reason, then what could it be?”
“Like I said, it’s your inferiority complex.”
“Eh……?”

I felt like I had been caught off guard, and stared at the face of the girl of double exposed blue-ish white light.

Because she returned her answer so very easily, her words didn’t smoothly meld into my awareness.

“In, inferiority complex……?”
“Yup. It isn’t easy to overcome, it’s something that unconsciously binds your mind.”

The girl of wreckage said with an easy-to-understand tone.

“In a way, I don’t think that your feelings aren’t strong enough.”
“Then, you mean that my inferiority complex is unconsciously obstructing the activation of my power?”
“See. A warrior is a person who unconsciously holds close the groundless conviction that ‘I am special’ right? It’s the same as that.
“……If groundless confidence leads to strength, then it wouldn’t be strange for grounded distrust to suppress strength as well, no?”
“I see.”

The girl nodded her head.

“Groundless confidence isn’t always a bad thing, you know? Such recklessness is like one of the privileges of children. Conversely, declaring that you know your place is fine, but still, if you go too far, you might miss out on your potential.”
“That……the current me?”

For myself, who’s a monster that is nothing but an imitation, an inferiority complex.1
Aah. It’s just as she said, in my chest, the feeling that I’m not worthy of standing at Master’s side has always, always lurked.

That night I spent at Fort Tillia, even when I overcame the anxiety that I would one day be unable to stand by Master’s side, I still couldn’t wipe away the complex I had of myself.

It has come and finally become an obstacle standing in my way.
That’s what this is, I see.

“I’m here as nothing but wreckage, but half of the reason for that is because of that part of you, you know?”

At the voice of the girl, I raised my gaze, which had unknowingly fallen.

“You held an inferiority complex towards the real Mizushima Miho. Because, she was a human. You felt that you weren’t the one who should be next to Majima-kun, because you were a monster. You were jealous and envious, there was no way you could like such a person……So, deep down, you unconsciously rejected the existence known as Mizushima Miho. As a result, what remained was the wreckage that is me.”

The girl who called herself wreckage placed her hand on her chest.

“Otherwise, I, just like any other soul, would have melted into you without leaving any form, right? So to speak, I’m something like ‘leftovers’ you see.”

She giggled jokingly.

“It’s the same reason why you couldn’t mimic Mizushima Miho’s unique ability, you know. You were trying to somehow get closer to Mizushima Miho through trial and error. But, at the same time, you rejected the existence known as Mizushima Miho from the depths of your heart that even you yourself couldn’t grasp. Since that’s the case, don’t you think that it’s natural that you can’t use her ability?”

Saying that, this time she extended the hand on her chest towards me.

“That’s why, you see, you have to eat me, the ‘leftovers.’ Because, simply put, I, the wreckage, am something like a symbol of your rejection of the existence known as Mizushima Miho.”
“……”

I couldn’t sense any lies in the words spoken to me.
The instinctive part of me also affirmed her words.

“There’s nothing complicated about it. Just put what should originally be there back to where it belongs. When I melt into you and disappear, your mimicry will be complete.”

I looked down to the outstretched hand.

If I take this hand, I will obtain a means to save Master.
With just that, I will obtain that which I’ve wanted so much.

There was no reason to hesitate.

“……I understand.”

I too, reached out my hand towards the girl.
The red flame wrapped around my arm stretched out into the darkness.

The blue-ish white flames of the girl who called herself wreckage were the lights illuminating my target.

Her blue-ish white flames quietly swayed, simply waiting for the moment she would be engulfed……

“……What’s wrong?”

A curious voice shook the darkness.

“……”

I had stopped my outstretched hand.

Not even I myself knew the reason why.
There should have been nothing to hesitate about, and yet, my hand didn’t move, as if it were frozen.

Something……I felt as if I was overlooking something.
I mustn’t overlook it, no matter what it is.

It was that belief that had stopped my body just barely in time.

I raised my gaze, which had fallen, and looked at the face of the girl in front of me.
What I saw there was a gentle smile.

It was the expression of a person who had carved some kind of resolution deep in her heart.

“Ah”

I let out a small cry.

In the back of my head, I heard the clicking sound of puzzle pieces falling into place.

I found myself pulling away from her outstretched hand.

The girl looked a bit surprised at my motion.

I tightly grasped my pulled back hand on my chest.
I had to confirm something no matter what.

“……I want to ask just one question.”

I slowly opened my mouth.

“Earlier, you said that ‘Half of the reason I’ve remained like this is due to your inferiority complex,’ correct?”
“What does that matter?”

I asked the girl who tilted her head.

“Then, what about “the other half””?
“――”

The girl froze like she had been caught off guard.
Convinced by her reaction, I continued.

“The inferiority complex that I held towards the real Mizushima Miho rejected her existence. Because of that, you, the wreckage……the “leftovers”, was left behind like this. That was what you said, yes?”
“U, un. Yes, but…”
“However, if that was it, then it would be a little strange, would it not? I mean, my mimicry ability requires me, first and foremost, to devour. Devouring Mizushima Miho, mimicking her, loving Master……and then, finally, I was able to be jealous of her.”

If I were to put it simply……the timeline was wrong.

“The moment she’s devoured, I wouldn’t be able to become jealous of her. If so, I would have never rejected Mizushima Miho. You being created as “leftovers” also wouldn’t happen.”
“……”
“It would be strange if there wasn’t some other reason for this.”

The “other reason” that the girl didn’t dare to speak of.
There was no mistake that that was the “other half of the reason” that the girl in front of me had earlier inadvertently mentioned.

“Couldn’t you please tell me about it?”

I asked, stepping in.

Thereupon, the girl withdrew her outstretched hand.

“Uーn”

A small, lamenting groan went up.

“That was a bit of a slip of the tongue, huh”

The pouting girl’s expression looked somehow embarrassed.
She scratched her cheek the the hand she pulled back, perhaps as a gesture to cover up her embarrassment.

“Hey, um. That’s, well, is not saying it no good?”
“It’s something necessary after all.”

I stared back straight into her eyes.

“……”

The same face as mine turned to the side, averting her eyes.
I didn’t look away.

Then, a few seconds.

“……It’s because this is what your Master wished for.”

Perhaps realizing that they would be getting nowhere like that, the girl gave a sigh of resignation and replied.

“Majima-kun you see, wished ‘I want to clear away Mizushima Miho’s regrets.’ That’s why she didn’t disappear right away. That’s all there is to it.”

A shy smile appeared on the side profile of the girl who said that.

“I see.”

As I stared at her side profile, I also let out a sigh.

“I knew it.”

Her answer was exactly what I had expected.

It was only natural that I could predict what had happened.
Because, in the first place, the one who had answered Master’s unconscious wish to “clear away Mizushima Miho’s regrets,” was none other than me.

I could vividly recall the events of that day when I devoured Mizushima Miho’s corpse.

I will never forget the night I spent in that mountain hut.

I connected with Master.
I accepted him for the first time, and we made love.

However, at that time, I wasn’t the only one who connected with him.

That was why she remained here like this.
And, that was also the very reason why she was trying to disappear like this.

When I realized this, my mind had naturally made itself up.

“I will not eat you.”
“Heh……?”

The girl who named herself as wreckage turned back around and looked at me.

“Wh, why……?”

I looked back at her, who seemed dumbfounded, and answered.

“Because you are trying to do the same thing as me.”

Once you noticed it, it was easy enough to figure out.

Up until now, I had hardly felt Mizushima Miho within me.
However, that wasn’t because she had disappeared, but rather because she had simply retreated into the depths within me.

When I thought about it like that, I couldn’t help but think of something.
All this time up until now, she had been inside me.

Why had such a girl gone out of her way to appear like this?

That was obvious.

“You appeared before me like this in order to protect Master, right?”

She was disappearing for the sake of he who she had once connected with, saved, and loved.

Yes. She was just like me in every way.
That was why I could also understand her inner thoughts.

“You have feelings for Master inside you as well, don’t you?”
“……-”
“If you are willing to even disappear for the sake of those feelings, then even if you are nothing more than wreckage, those feelings will never be wreckage.”

The breathtaken girl and covered her mouth with her hands.
In this dark space, I couldn’t distinguish the complexion of the girl made up of blue-ish white flames, but I imagine she was probably blushing madly.

Feeling that her behavior was cute, I continued.

“Just because you’re only ‘wreckage’ doesn’t mean that you can disappear like it doesn’t matter.”

I returned almost exactly the very words she had sent me back to her, who was trying to do the same thing as me.

“……What’s with that. Were you trying to get payback?”
“I wonder.”

Lowering her eyebrows, she unexpectedly spoke as if sulking, and smiled faintly.
In the first place, was the girl in front of me truly nothing but the wreckage of Mizushima Miho?

I thought “what if,” but I didn’t really know.
It didn’t matter at all at this point.

“Thanks to you, I’ve remembered something important. I am Master’s kin, and I love him, so, I can’t be someone that he wouldn’t be proud of.”

That was something that the girl in front of me had pointed out.

What in the world am I? Where am I?
I lost sight of myself like that, but what I could be proud of as my own was surely in my heart.

“I’ve, you see, always seen Master from up close. Be it his moments of weakness, or of struggling, or his figure as he overcame them.”

Just thinking about him, or talking about him out loud, makes my heart flutter.
That’s how much I like him.

I’m in love with him. I love him.
That’s why I strongly wish to become worthy of him.

“No matter how far I go, I will always be an unsightly monster. I can’t become human. I have a complex towards that self, and now, it’s become an obstacle standing in my way. Since that’s the case, I must overcome it, properly.”

Just like how Master once overcame his trauma.
That, was what it meant to become someone worthy of Master.

For that, there was no such thing as finding an easy way out.

“I will not devour you.”

I declared once again.

The subject of my inferiority complex as a fake, is the real her. Or rather, her wreckage.
If she were to disappear, the problem would surely disappear as well.

However, that wouldn’t be fundamentally the same as overcoming my complex.

“Having said that, it’s not the same as saying I will be devoured either.”

If I myself, fully bound by my inferiority complex as being nothing other than an unsightly fake, were to disappear, then the problem would also be erased.
But, this was also still a far cry from the essence.

“It’s not about which of us is disappearing. In order for us both to remain, I just have to accept your existence.”

To her who didn’t disappear, to Master who didn’t wish for her to disappear, I thanked them from the bottom of my heart.
Thanks to them, I’m able to overcome my inferiority complex.

If I hadn’t been able to face the real her like this, I might have kept my inferiority complex my entire life.
I might have never been able to become someone worthy of Master.

I will accept her existence head on.
That was also my way of accepting that I myself am an unsightly monster.

“This is my choice.”

I reached out my hand to the girl in front of me.

“……Are you really sure?”

The girl mumbled.

She, who labeled herself as wreckage.
She must’ve never even dreamed that things would end up like this.

I was reflected in her wavering eyes.

In her eyes, I, who had become red flames, might’ve looked like a guiding light.

Her figure was truly similar to mine.
No. Is it rather that I’m like her?

That too didn’t really matter anymore.

“Is it alright, if I come along with you?”

She asked timidly while slowly and quietly raising her hand.

I met my own hand with that hand.

Our fingers intertwined.
Blue and red flames merged.

Closing the distance, I brought my forehead to hers.

“Ah……”
“Let’s go. Master is waiting.”

Soul and soul intertwined.
Surely, that mixing by all means shouldn’t have been possible.

The red and blue lights met without consuming one another.

And so, the newly born violet flame began to illuminate the endless darkness with a radiance stronger than ever before.

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I don’t really know why “inferiority complex” is put in the sentence after the comma. (紛い物でしかないモンスターとしての自分に対する、劣等感。)