Mushoku Tensei (LN) - Volume 22 - Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

The Naughtiest Kid

A FEW DAYS LATER I went to the Kingdom of Asura. When I asked Orsted about the situation in the King Dragon Realm, he’d coughed up the name of the culprit without batting an eye. 

All according to my predictions. Although actually, I’d simply remembered a report that had come to Orsted about it. So. I went to the Asura Kingdom, alone, to settle things with the mastermind once and for all.

To get to them, I turned to Luke, who was a bit like the prime minister of the Asura Kingdom. Once I explained what was going on he gave me the location along with directions for how to get there. Connections do come in handy once in a while.

Okay, well, Luke was my cousin, so this was more like having a big brother I could ask to help me out. When I said so to Luke, he blushed a tiny bit. 

Jeez, stop that. I’m sorry, but you know I’m into women…

The mastermind was in one of the most heavily guarded places in the Asura Kingdom, but with the travel permit Luke obtained for me, I was able to traipse across regions forbidden even to the highest ranking foreign dignitaries. The security was as heavy as I’d heard. I passed a whole host of checkpoints along the way, but eventually, I arrived at the mastermind’s lair.

There I was, in the very heart of Asura’s Palace…outside the queen’s chambers.

In front of the ornately embellished door stood a huge man. He wore sparkly gold armor, and his battle-axe was planted on the floor before him. A doorkeeper. His whole deal just screamed “doorkeeper.” He had to be about twice as broad as me, and that wasn’t fat. You could tell from the way he held himself that he was padded by a thick layer of muscle. The good kind, too. He was muscly on the inside, not just the outside. His core was ripped. People with ripped core muscles even stand differently. Eris was the same. Even the way they stand looks more solid.

Of my wives, by the way, the one with the weakest core is Roxy. That’s why she’s always falling over. But that’s not important right now.

“Well, hello there!” I said. “Hope you don’t mind if I just pop on in.” I slipped past the big guy and was heading for the royal chambers, when…

Clomp, clomp.

He stomped over to plant himself in my way. 

“Huh?” I tried to go right, and he moved right. I tried to go left, and he moved left. He had me totally blocked off. “So, um, do you think you could let me in?” I tried.

“No. No one tell me about you,” he replied. I tried flashing him the permit—which was just the Asuran coat of arms, but he wasn’t having it. 

I mean okay, I didn’t get an appointment, but come on. 

Come to think of it, this doorkeeper hadn’t been here when I’d come by not so long ago. Was he new? He had to be. I’d never seen him before, and he didn’t know who I was. He was almost certainly a new hire. Honestly, Arieluke, what are you even teaching your newbies?

“Look, new guy,” I tried again. “You’d better get out of the way or you’re going to piss me off. I’ve got permission to be here, all right?”

“No. It night. Now, only Lord Luke, Lady Sylphie, or Lady Sylphie’s husband go in.”

What’s that? You have taught him how to behave! Very impressive, very impressive. So the problem is just that he doesn’t know what I look like. 

“Is that right?” I said brightly. “I should have said—so sorry. I’m Sylphie’s husband. My name is Rudeus Greyrat. You can go ahead and let me—”

“No. No proof.”

Proof? Come on, how am I supposed to prove it?!

Would a photo of Sylphie and me being all smoochy do it? Except—too bad!—there aren’t any photos in this world! Maybe if I brought Lucie, the physical manifestation of my and Sylphie’s love…would that count? It was a moot point, since she was back at home. All I had in my pocket was the holy idol.

“Um, proof,” I said. As I hesitated, the big guy pointed his battle-axe at me.

“You suspicious.”

“Whoa, hold up,” I babbled, “I’m sorry okay so just hold on for five seconds and let’s stay calm and talk about this like gentlemen!” Hell, the blade on the thing was as big as my head. It looked like it weighed fifty kilos. He could just drop it, let gravity do the work, and squish me flat. 

Well, right now, I had the Magic Armor on. I was fairly sure I wouldn’t insta-die. Still, I didn’t want to get in a fight if I could help it.

I’m Ariel’s boss, and you’re her lackey. There’s no need for us to fight. Love and peace, man.

“I am doorkeeper. You do not pass.”

“Hmmm…”

What was I supposed to do now? This guy’s total lack of flexibility was getting to be a problem. If I went back to Luke’s office and dragged him up here, he’d sort it out in a flash, but he’d looked really busy… I casually attempted to evade Mr. Doorman, first left, then right, but he intercepted me easily. I could really feel his determination to bar my passage under absolutely any circumstances.

“Can I do whatever else I want so long as I don’t go past you?”

Mr. Doorkeeper looked a bit confused, but grunted in assent and said, “Yes.”

Sorry, dude, I am actually going in.

“Hey, Aaariel! Come and plaaay!” I yelled. Maybe I couldn’t get my body through, but my voice? I could squeeze that past him, no sweat. Did you ever see such ingenuity? You thought Odysseus was the trickster? Please. It’s Rudeus you’ve got to look out for! 

Mr. Doorkeeper started, looking too confused to act. Not long after, the door opened. Out came a maid I knew well. Ariel’s lady-in-waiting. What was she called again? I remembered hearing she’d started at the same time as Lilia. 

“Lord Rudeus, whatever is the matter?” she asked.

“I came to request an audience with Her Majesty Queen Ariel, but this gentleman is reluctant to let me in.” 

The maid’s eyes narrowed in anger. “M-my apologies!” she stuttered, then turned to the doorkeeper. “Dohga! This gentleman is permitted! Let him through at once!” But the door guard shook his head.

“No. No one tell me. He has weapons. It night. Can’t do it.”

“Dohga, this is Sir Rudeus!” she tried again. “Come now, I know you were told you can let him through at any time.”

“No. No proof.”

“I’m telling you…” she said, exasperated, but I guess he didn’t trust the maid either yet.

This new guy—Dohga was his name, apparently—was a tough nut to crack. A kid like this was probably well suited to guarding the queen’s room, though. He didn’t seem like the type to be turned by gold or anything.

“Dohga,” came a refined voice from behind the door. The kind of voice that charmed everyone who heard it. Dohga visibly jumped. “That gentleman is Sylphie’s husband. You are to let him pass at any time.”

Ariel sounded a little ticked off, which made Mr. Doorkeeper twitch again. He hurried away from the door, then went down on one knee, grunting deferentially.

Can I go through now? I’m going, okay? We good? Stepping gingerly on my tiptoes, never taking my eyes off the battle-axe, I crept into Ariel’s chambers.

Ariel looked like she’d just gotten out of the bath. She’d changed into something casual, and a lady-in-waiting was combing her hair.

“Welcome, Lord Rudeus. I must say, it’s rather indelicate to impose yourself upon an unmarried woman in the middle of the night like this, don’t you think?”

“Um, true. Sorry about that. It was kind of urgent.”

“Well, this is a matter between you and me, after all… Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to keep what commences between us a secret from Sylphie.”

“Hey. There’s no need for secrets; nothing’s going to happen. And besides, I’m the one who reports back to Sylphie.”

“Really? How disappointing,” Ariel said. She came back to this joke from time to time. It was to check whether I’d cheat. Whether I’d betray Sylphie.

And what are you gonna do if I actually give into the temptation, huh? Speaking of temptation…maybe because she was just out of the bath, she smelled really good. I’d never felt that way about Ariel before. She always presented herself so flawlessly, but something about her now seemed more human—that must have been it.

Agh, don’t even think about it! Damnit, Goddess, give me strength!

I took a big whiff of the idol to try and clear my head. Apparently, my vow of chastity had left me with some pent-up energy. 

“I see you are a man of taste, Sir Rudeus,” Ariel remarked.

“This isn’t taste, it’s my faith. Now, could we maybe clear the others out of here? Um, not that I’m going to do anything. I just don’t want people to see.”

Ariel didn’t respond. She merely clapped her hands and said, “You may go,” dismissing the maid.

It felt a bit like I’d pushed away the ladder to safety. But now we could talk, at least.

“Okay. So, Ariel…”

“Yes.”

“The one behind it all…is you. Right?”

“Yes. That’s correct… Though, you’ll have to be more specific. You could be talking about a lot of things.”

Um… Well, okay. I guess Ariel is queen. 

Working for the good of your country probably meant getting your hands dirty.

“Do you happen to have proof that I am guilty of whatever it is you claim?” Ariel inquired.

“There’s no point playing dumb! I’ve already got all the evidence I need!” I cried, getting into character.

Right away, the door banged open. I whirled around and saw Dohga standing there, battle-axe in hand. He walked into the room then made a beeline for me, raising his axe… 

Whoa whoa whoa, j-just, just hold up a second…!

“Stand down, please, Dohga,” Ariel said.

“But Your Majesty. He threatened you.”

“No one is threatening me. It was a joke.”

Dohga gave a reluctant grunt.

“Don’t come in again unless you hear me scream,” Ariel finished. Dohga grunted again, then trudged back to the entrance. He looked downtrodden after being told off.

It was kind of cute.

“My apologies,” Ariel said when he was gone. “He’s very rigid…”

“I got a little carried away with the bit.”

“Personally, I like it when you joke around. The palace doesn’t keep a fool.”

Har har. All righty, I’ll train up a clown and bring them along next time. Someone who’s good for protection, not just laughs. The kind of guy who’ll drag your enemies into the sewers and dispose of them.

“What were you talking about?” Ariel asked, sitting up straight. It looked like she was taking this seriously.

“The three countries invading the King Dragon Realm’s vassal state.”

“Okay. What about them?” She spoke like it was so obvious that she didn’t have to say it outright. 

But then, it was.

I’d checked with Orsted, and confirmed that the three countries invading the King Dragon Realm’s vassal state were being supported behind the scenes by none other than the Asuran Kingdom. Or rather, Orsted had received a report to that effect. It basically said, Hey, I want to use these three countries to invade this vassal state of the King Dragon Realm. That cool? I’d read it myself.

Only, the Asuran Kingdom wasn’t interested in conquering the vassal state, or expanding its territory. That wasn’t what this was about. The point was to wear down the King Dragon Realm—pure harassment, plain and simple. Also, the reason consumer prices were rising in the King Dragon Realm was thanks to the Asuran Kingdom ever so slightly increasing its tax on imports and traded goods.

“Would you mind stopping the invasion?” I asked. “It’d help me with some negotiations with the King Dragon Realm.”

“Of course,” Ariel replied.

She picked up a pen and scribbled something on a piece of paper in front of her. Then she took what had to be the royal seal, stamped and folded the paper, sealed it, and then finally handed it to me.

“Give this to Luke, and it should end the invasion a few days later. Use it whenever you feel like it.”

“Hahah!” I crowed, taking it with gratitude.

I had a bargaining chip now. Friendship is important, but so is power.

“Oh, right. The other thing was, I wondered if you’d let me use the Asuran embassy in the King Dragon Realm? Predictably, it turns out people don’t respect the ‘Right Hand of the Dragon God.’”

“Permission granted. I’ll see that it’s arranged,” Ariel said.

She clapped her hands again and the lady-in-waiting from earlier came in. Ariel whispered something, and the other woman nodded before leaving again.

“The embassy has everything on hand, but please let the ambassador know if you need anything.”

“Thank you for all of this.”

“Not at all,” Ariel said, looking at me doe-eyed. It was sexy. I didn’t like it.

“Is this why you raised me to this position?” she asked.

“No—I mean, that’s what Sir Orsted wanted, but I just wanted to make Sylphie happy.”

“Heh heh. I ought to thank Sylphie, then.”

“Hahaha. We’re both going to be indebted to Sylphie forever, aren’t we?”

We chuckled some more together. Heh heh, ahahaha. It was fun talking to Ariel like we were plotting something dastardly. I mean, we could basically do anything.

“I’m sorry about Dohga before, by the way,” she said.

“Oh, Mr. Doorkeeper?”

“He’s a very reliable doorkeeper, but he is a little inflexible.”

I had to wonder what “reliable” here meant for a doorkeeper, but a big hulk like that did seem like the ideal choice to stand guard at an entrance. It was that or be a baseball catcher. With a body like that, he was sure to make a first-rate batter too.

“Forgive him this time. I’ll make sure he’s more careful in future.”

“Not at all, I can’t fault a young person who’s dedicated to his job. Please don’t fire him or anything for this.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

I didn’t know if he was young inside that armor, but no reason to split hairs. 

“Right, then. It wouldn’t be proper to linger in the bedroom of an unmarried woman, so I’ll be on my way.”

“Goodness, surely you wouldn’t appear without warning in a lady’s room, make demands of her, and then simply wander off?”

“I’m a perfect gentleman,” I said indignantly. “Sylphie doesn’t have to be ashamed of her husband.”

“You could at least give me the rundown of the situation,” Ariel said pointedly.

“Oh. Right.”

I’d sent her the news of what happened in Millis via contact tablet, but some things were better said in person, as I’d written myself. Anyway, I gave her the rundown on what happened in Millis and what I’d been doing since then.

“…In conclusion, it looks like I’m going to have to fight Geese. I’m gathering my forces now.”

“I see…” Ariel said. “I’m presently gathering my own forces as well. When the time comes, I’d be happy to lend them to you.”

“What are you gathering forces for?” I asked.

“I could be murdered in my bed at any time, so I’m building a private army. I’m sure as far as Sir Orsted is concerned, the stronger his allies are, the better?”

“No arguments there,” I agreed.

Huh… She’s really good at this.

Ever since Ariel became queen, she’d taken to her duties like a fish to water. She didn’t need anyone to tell her what to do; she knew what she wanted, and she was always moving towards it. And her strides were a lot longer than mine. 

Becoming queen wasn’t the final goal for her. There was plenty left on her bucket list. She wouldn’t run out of goals until the day she died, nor stop striving to achieve them.

Man. I could probably learn something from that. I wonder if I could borrow her boots for a bit and try to walk a few miles in them.

I wasn’t going to ask, though. If I did, she’d hand them over way too eagerly—I bet she’d toss in her stockings for free.

“Y’know, you’re a bit scary, Ariel.”

“Oh, dear. Truly?”

“I feel if you ever saw me at my weakest, you’d betray us.”

“You wound me. After all that I owe you, the very idea…! If you’re worried, though, I could tell you one of my weaknesses?”

“What? No! There’s no need to go that far. I was just reminded that you’re always on the hunt for an advantage, that’s all.”

“I’m also a woman who acts on her feelings,” Ariel said, pouting. Then, as though something had occurred to her, she pressed a finger to her lips. “But there’s an entertaining thought.”

“What?”

“Well, if I had a child I could name it Rudeus Junior. Wouldn’t that be fun?”

“Wha—?! Please don’t.”

Nothing could be more suspicious! I imagined Sylphie looking at me, her eyes cold, and Luke with shocked disbelief all over his face. If she said anything outright, I could brush it off as a joke, but quietly naming a child after me was basically declaring that the kid was mine. It wouldn’t matter how much I insisted that Ariel and I weren’t involved. Everyone would draw their own mistaken conclusions.

That’s not funny at all. That’s an epic betrayal! Not of Orsted, but of me and Sylphie.

“Um, actually, I was talking about betraying Sir Orsted. Not just me.”

“You know, I was there when the Water God Reida was killed. Do you really think I could betray you after that terrifying experience?”

The death of Water God Reida… She was right. That had been terrifying. 

Reida was overwhelmingly powerful. We’d been pinned down—even Perugius. Then Orsted showed up in the ballroom, fended off all her attacks, and knocked her out with a single knife-hand strike. He didn’t do it that way because it favored his strength, or because it was the technique he knew best. He killed her that way because it was convenient. If I were a figure of note, the thought of meeting a similar fate would make my blood run cold. Death could come at any moment, no matter who tried to protect you… Like a horror movie, right?

“I don’t genuinely think you’ll betray us,” I reassured Ariel. “Just in case though, watch out for anyone who shows up saying they received advice in a dream.”

“I will. But you needn’t be concerned about me. I’ve really come to appreciate just how much this throne is worth.”

“Doesn’t that mean I should worry if it looks like you might lose it?”

“I’m offering my favors to the servant of the big scary Dragon God for that very reason.”

“We’ll gladly take whatever you’ve got.”

She chuckled. “I’m counting on you to help me cling pathetically to my throne, should it come to that. Okay?”

I suppose I could lend a hand.

Although, according to Orsted, Ariel’s regime would last until Ariel herself died.

“Speaking of clinging,” I said, “the other day, Roxy’s daughter Lala was…” We chatted about everyday stuff for another hour or so, then with that, I left the queen’s chambers.

I stepped out to find myself face to face with several knights. Dohga, plus three others. They were standing there as if they’d been waiting for me. It spooked me a bit, frankly. I thought I was about to be dragged off into the bowels of the castle and shaken down. They all looked seriously intimidating.

The scariest-looking one was someone I knew though, which changed everything.

“Been a while, Ghislaine,” I said.

“Yeah,” she replied, nodding solemnly like she always did, but I could tell from the way her tail was wagging that she was pleased to see me again. She wore golden armor, but unlike the full-body plating of the two men standing beside her, her light armor only covered the most crucial spots—the bare minimum. Let me be honest here—it looked badass. The gold of the armor complemented her brown skin beautifully, and she looked tough as hell. She was giving major S-tier character vibes.

Bet Paul would have laughed his head off at how dumb she looks, though.

“Sorry, guess I kept you waiting. I’ll be on my way…” I tried to leave, but she grabbed my hair.

“Wait.”

“Was there something you needed?”

“Is Eris well?”

“Can you imagine her otherwise?”

“No.”

“Yes, she’s doing great. Same as always.”

“Good…”

We had lots to catch up on, but Ghislaine was on duty right now. I mean, she was here outside the queen’s chambers in the middle of the night all decked out in that sparkly armor. It had to be some emergency. Better not to get in their way.

“As much as I’d like to catch up, I gotta get going. I’m sure you’re busy too—”

“No, um, wait,” she mumbled.

What’s that? Mind speaking a bit clearer?

“Luke told me that you’d be here.”

“Oh, you’ve got business with me? What is it?”

You know I’ll do anything you ask, Ghislaine. Well, depending. I’m a bit busy with other stuff right now. It might have to wait till later if it’s super involved.

“Nothing serious. He said he wanted to see you.”

Who said? I wondered. Then I looked at the two guys beside her. They both looked like totally ordinary middle-aged men. One was on the short side, his blond hair flecked with white. The other, unusually, had black hair. I placed both of them somewhere in their late forties, perhaps as old as fifty, and they carried themselves with the dignified air of seasoned warriors. The blond one stepped forward.

“’Tis an honor to meet you. My name is Sylvester Ifrit. I defend this castle as captain of the palace guard, and I place myself at your service.”

“I’m Rudeus Greyrat, a friend of the queen, through Her Majesty’s beneficence. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

If he was captain of the palace guard, that made him the most important knight in the whole of the Kingdom of Asura. That explained the shiny gold armor. Except, wait, everyone here was wearing the same armor.

“You are too modest; I hear you are an old friend of Her Majesty’s,” said Sylvester.

“In truth, it’s my wife who’s the old friend.”

“Lady Sylphiette, I believe. Such ethereal and delicate beauty, combined with unyielding strength.”

“Just so. You know her well.”

A+ description, no notes.

“Anyway, it’s all thanks to my wife that I’m able to impose upon Her Majesty.”

“You may claim as much, but I am told you played a leading role in deciding the struggle for the throne…”

Struggle for the throne. That made it sound like there’d been a fair fight between all the different castles and we’d come out on top.

“Aw, y’know… I mean, I was only acting on my boss’s orders. The one who really ought to get the credit is my master, the Dragon God Orsted.”

“I see you are loyal as well.”

Can you call this loyalty? Doubt it, to be honest. 

Whatever. Hopefully, through little things like this, I could grow Orsted’s authority.

“Had it not been for you, I would never have been promoted this far,” Sylvester went on.

“Yeah?”

“At the end of the day, I’m the son of poor, middling-rank nobles and nothing more. Thanks to this position, however, I’ve been able to put even my youngest son through school.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” I said. When I heard “captain of the royal guard,” I’d assumed he was from one of Asura’s most important noble families. Apparently not. Ariel believed in meritocracy and had been elevating talent. This guy had to be one of her hires.

…Hold on a second, if this guy’s captain of the royal guard, how incredible must he be? He might be a useful friend to make.

“Uh, feel free to call me if you need any advice with your son,” I said.

“Sorry?” he said, confused, but then brightened. “Oh! Hahaha. You’re just as funny as they said. No fear there. My boy’s talented, just like his father.”

“Talented people still have their own worries and run into trouble.”

“True,” he agreed. “I’ll bear that in mind.”

With that, I turned to the next guy who was decked out in his own set of gold armor. Sylvester, Ghislaine, Dohga, and this guy—with all of them sparkling away it made the room seem weirdly bright.

“And, uh, you are?” I asked.

The black-haired man met my eyes, then let out a “hah!” of laughter. I laughed too. I’m a firm believer in a smile as the first step to good communication. Smiles will save the world.

“It’s an honor to meet you. My name is Rudeus Greyrat.”

The man stared hard at me. He ran his eyes all the way from the top of my head down to the tip of my toes. He walked around to look at me from behind too. He had the air of someone sizing up a rare animal; it felt startlingly familiar. That’s right, he reminded me of Kishirika. Which meant this guy probably had a demon eye.

“What?” I said.

“Nothing, nothing. It’s very rare that I get a look at a servant of the esteemed Dragon God, that is all.”

“It’s true that there aren’t all that many of us.”

“I imagine so.” He talked like someone who’d met Orsted before.

“Uh, by the way, your name was…?”

“Oh, how rude of me,” he said. “I am…” Then he froze, and clamped his mouth shut. He let out another brisk bark of laughter and shot me a sidelong glance. “I’m afraid it’s not yet time for you to know my name,” he said abruptly. Unlike before, his voice was now unnecessarily dramatic. “You shall know it when the time is right. My name, my identity…”

With that, the black-haired, middle-aged man turned and strode away. There was even something about how he walked that looked like amateur theatrics.

“What’s his deal?” I asked Ghislaine.

She looked troubled. “It was his idea. He wanted to meet you.”

Uh, seriously, what was his problem? Did he never grow out of his edgy teen phase?

“Damnit, Chandle,” she muttered after her departed colleague. “Rudeus is my old teacher, you tool.”

His name was Chandle, got it. As it happened, Sir Sylvester confirmed immediately that the black-haired man’s name was Chandle von Grandeur, and he was captain of Asura’s Golden Knights. 

I really had no idea what his deal was. Still… Hah. I had a funny feeling I’d run into him again.

I guess we’ll make our first introductions the second time we meet. The line probably would have been funny if I’d thought of it at the time, but I settled for thinking it to myself.