Mushoku Tensei (LN) - Volume 3 - Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

The Con Artist Who Claimed to Be a God 

I was dreaming. 

In this dream, I was soaring through the air, holding Eris in my arms. My mind was hazy, but somehow I knew that I was flying . The world around me was a constantly changing blur of shapes and colors. I rocketed through the air like a soundwave or particle of light, my body randomly bouncing in different directions. 

I didn’t know why this was happening. But I was certain of one thing: no matter what I tried, I was going to lose speed eventually, and plunge to the ground. 

So I concentrated. I looked at the ever-shifting scenery below us, trying to find a relatively safe place to land. 

Why did I feel the need to do this? Good question. Something inside me was just screaming that I had to, if I wanted to survive. 

Still, we were going way too fast. It was like staring into the reels of a slot machine, except everything was moving much, much faster. Focusing more intently, I gathered magical energy into my eyes…and for just a moment, we suddenly slowed down. 

Oh crap. I’m gonna fall. 

Panic welled in my chest, but I could now see the land below me clearly. I needed to find a field. Falling into the sea or smashing into a mountain wouldn’t be good. Forests were obviously dangerous, but if I managed to aim for a field… 

I forced myself downward, hoping for the best. Our velocity slowed rapidly as I plunged toward a reddish-brown stretch of earth. 

An instant later, I lost consciousness. 

*** 

When I opened my eyes, I found myself in a pure white void. I immediately knew this wasn’t real. It had to be some sort of lucid dream. Yet, for some reason, my body felt oddly heavy. 

“…Huh?” 

I looked down at myself, and my eyes went wide. I was back in the old, familiar form I’d spent thirty-four years in. 

At the sight of it, memories of my previous life came flooding back. I was the same bitter, vile, insecure, and selfish piece of trash I’d always been. The ten years I spent as Rudeus suddenly felt like nothing more than a dream. 

A crushing wave of disappointment washed over me. I’d reverted to my pathetic, former self, and I found that fact all too easy to accept. 

So it really was just a dream, huh…? 

As dreams go, it lasted an awfully long time. But at the end of the day, it was too good to be true. I’d been born into a loving family, and managed to get friendly with some very cute girls. Not a bad ten years by any means. I’d wanted to enjoy that life a little more, though. 

Oh well. Guess it’s over now. 

I could feel the memories of my time as Rudeus beginning to fade. Once you’ve woken up, even the best of dreams melt away in no time. 

Had I really expected anything different? Please. A smooth, happy life like that was never in the cards for a guy like me. 

*** 

Eventually, I noticed that a weirdo had appeared in front of me. The individual in question had a blank, white face, marked only by a big, wide grin. 

Maybe blank wasn’t the right word. I just couldn’t make out any distinguishing features. When I looked at any specific part of that face, it slipped instantly out of my memory; my mind refused to form an image of the larger whole. It almost felt as if this…person, was being blurred out by a pixelated mosaic. 

Still, I somehow sensed that I was dealing with someone calm and patient. 

“Hey there. Nice to meet you, Rudeus.” 

Hm. I’d been so busy feeling sorry for myself, and now I had some weird, censored-porno guy chatting me up. 

Actually, that voice was pretty ambiguous. Could be a guy or a girl. Let’s go with girl! That would make the pixelated thing feel kind of sexy, right? 

“Hello? Can you hear me?” 

Oh. Yeah. Sure. Hi there, nice to meet you. 

“Excellent. Nice to see you’re so polite.” 

I didn’t actually speak out loud, but it seems like my friend here heard my thoughts just fine. Might as well keep communicating this way. 

“Wow. Nothing fazes you, does it?” 

That’s not true at all. 

“Ehehe. Don’t be so modest!” 

So anyway. You’re…who or what, exactly? 

“Can’t you see that much for yourself?” 

I can’t see much of anything with that mosaic. Uh, are you the Mighty Sperman or something? 

“The Mighty Sperman? Who’s that? Does he look like me?” 

Oh, totally. He’s a big blurry mess of pixels, just like you. 

“Hmm. So there’s someone like me in your world too…” 

Well, no. Not really. 

“What? Okay, let’s just move on. I’m a god. The Man-God, specifically.” 

Uh-huh. The Man-God. Right. 

“You don’t sound too impressed, I have to say.” 

Uhm…just wondering why a god would be wasting time chatting with me, I guess. Isn’t it a little late for you to be showing up anyway? The god’s supposed to make his appearance way back in the first chapter, right? 

“The first chapter…? What do you mean?” 

Never mind, it’s nothing. Please, go right on ahead. 

“All right. Anyway, I’ve been keeping an eye on you for some time now. You’ve been living quite the interesting life!” 

Peeping’s always lots of fun, isn’t it? 

“Oh, it’s been a joy. And that’s why I decided to take care of you.” 

You’re taking care of me? Gee, thanks. Talk about condescending… What am I, your pet? 

“Come now, there’s no need to be so hostile! I’m only talking to you because I saw you were in some real trouble.” 

Well, that’s a red flag. Anybody who pops up offering to fix all your problems when you’re struggling is a conman. 

“No, no. I’m on your side, friend.” 

Hah! Now we’re friends? Don’t make me laugh. 

I met a few people like you in my old life, buddy. People who slithered up to me and said, “Just try your best,” or, “I’ll look out for you.” They were all liars. They didn’t really give a damn. They assumed everything would automatically work out once they lured me out of my room. None of them understood the source of the problem. Everything you say reminds me of them. I’ll never trust you. 

“Goodness, that’s a problem. Hmm… Why don’t I just offer you a little advice then?” 

Advice, huh…? 

“That’s right. Feel free to ignore it completely, if you want.” 

Right. Got it. So that’s your angle. I had plenty of that last time as well. People loved giving me advice. Thought they could feed me a bunch of feel-good self-help crap and get me focused on something other than my own misery. Seriously, talk about missing the point. What good is positive thinking going to do me now? I’m way past the stage where my emotional state’s going to make a difference. Getting optimistic only sets me up for more pain down the line. 

I mean, this right here’s a case in point! Why even let me dream, damn it? Alternate reality my ass! I got all into this second chance at life, then you just pull the carpet out from under me? Did you have to be so damn sadistic?! 

“Wait a second. I think you’re misunderstanding things. I want to help you with your current life, not your old one.” 

…Hm? Why do I look like this then? 

“That’s your astral form. It’s distinct from your actual body.” 

My…astral form…? 

“Right. You’re perfectly fine physically, of course.” 

So, this is only a dream? When I wake up, I won’t find myself back in this crappy body? 

“Exactly. Since you’re dreaming at the moment, you’ll be back to normal once you wake up. Feel better now?” 

Phew. Okay. So this is all just some weird dream… 

“Well, it’s not just a dream. I’m speaking directly into your mind right now. Hard to believe your mental image of yourself is so different from your body…” 

Telepathy, huh? Well, all right. But what do you actually want with me? Do you plan to send me back to my old world? Since I don’t belong here or whatever? 

“Don’t be ridiculous. I couldn’t send you anywhere outside the Six-Faced World, obviously.” 

Hmph. Maybe that’s obvious to you, but I’m totally in the dark here. 

“A very reasonable point.” 

Wait a minute though. If you can’t send me back… you can’t be the one who reincarnated me in this world, right? 

“True. Reincarnation isn’t really my department anyway. That’s the specialty of a certain wicked Dragon God.” 

Hrm. We’ve got an evil dragon, too, huh…? 

“Anyway, do you want my advice or not?” 

…No thanks. 

“Huh?! Why not?“ 

I don’t know what’s going on here, but you’re obviously a shady character. That means I’m better off ignoring you completely. 

“Aw. Do I really seem that shady?” 

Oh hell yes. You couldn’t act more like a conman if you tried. Reminds me of those scammers I used to run into playing MMOs. The instant you let yourself get into a conversation, they were already messing with your head. 

“I’m not a conman! I won’t even ask you to follow my advice, okay?” 

That’s just another part of your strategy. 

“Come oooon! Trust me!” 

You’re awfully whiny for a deity. Look. It’s not like I even worship you, whoever you are. The only god I care about is the one who actually made the miracle of my reincarnation happen. Why would I trust some other guy who pops into my head and says all sorts of weird crap? Oh, and people who talk about “trust” are always liars. Words of wisdom from one of my favorite books. 

“C’mon, don’t be so stubborn. Just give me one little chance.” 

Now you just sound like a loser ex-boyfriend trying to get back with the girl who dumped him. Look, buddy. How many prayers do you think I said in my former life? You never came to the rescue back then. Not even once, right up until the day I died. Why offer me advice now? 

“I’m not from your old world, remember? I’m a god of this world, and I’m saying that I’ll help you out from now on.” 

Right. And I’m saying I can’t trust you. Talk is cheap. If you want me to believe you, show me a miracle or something. 

“This doesn’t count as a miracle? How many people do you know can communicate with you through your dreams?” 

What’s so special about a little communication? Anybody can do that. You just write a letter or whatever. 

“Well, true enough. But is that really a good reason for you to ignore me? At this rate, you’re going to die.” 

…I am? Why? 

“The Demon Continent is a rather harsh place. For one, there isn’t much of anything to eat. For another, it’s absolutely swarming with monsters, especially compared to the Central Continent. And I know you can speak the language, but things work rather differently here. Are you really confident you can survive?” 

The Demon Continent? What? Hold on. You mean that huge lump of land way out on the edge of the world? Why would I be way the heck out there? 

“You got caught up in a huge magical disaster. You ended up being teleported here.” 

A magical disaster…? Are you talking about that light I saw? 

“That’s right.” 

So that was some sort of teleportation spell. Hmm. 

…Wait, I’m not the only one who got hit by that thing. I wonder if everyone else back in Fittoa is all right. Buena Village is pretty far away from Roa, so it’s probably fine… but I’m still worried about my family. 

…You have any insight on that, buddy? 

“Would you really believe my answer either way? You don’t even want to listen to my advice.” 

Good point. You’d probably lie just for the fun of it. 

“All I’m going to say is that everyone’s praying for your safety. They all want you to make it back alive.” 

Well…sure. Of course they would. 

“Hmmm. You really believe that? Isn’t there a part of you that thinks…they might glad to have seen the last of you?” 

…Yeah, I’d be lying if I said the thought hadn’t crossed my mind. By the end of my last life, nobody cared if I lived or died. And I’ve still got some self-esteem issues stemming from that. 

“Well, people care about you in this world. You’d better make it back to them in one piece.” 

Yep. You’re right. 

“I won’t make any guarantees, but I think you’ll stand a very good chance of getting back alive if you do follow my advice.” 

Wait. Before we get to that, I want to know why you’re doing this. Why do you care so much about me? 

“Heavens, you’re persistent… I just think things will be more fun if you stay alive, okay? Is that not good enough?” 

People who only care about having fun tend to be total scumbags, you know. 

“Is that how things were in your last life?” 

Pretty much. I knew a few guys like that, and they all loved making other people dance like puppets for their own amusement. 

“Hm. Well, I do enjoy a bit of puppetry now and again. I can’t deny that.” 

And what could possibly be so “fun” about watching me anyway? 

“Maybe that wasn’t the right choice of words. You’re very…interesting, that’s all. I hardly ever get the chance to see someone from an entirely different world! I’d like to help you meet all sorts of people and see what comes of it.” 

Great. So I’m the pet monkey and you’re giving me some vague instructions to see if I can reach my goal. That sound about right? 

“ Sigh… Look here. You haven’t forgotten my original question, have you?” 

What original question? 

“Let me repeat myself then. Are you confident you can survive here? Stranded in a dangerous, unfamiliar land?” 

…No. Not really. 

“Then maybe you’d be better off hearing me out. Like I said before, it’s up to you if you want to follow my suggestions.” 

All right. Fine. I get it. Go ahead, give me advice if you really want to. What was the point of this whole long-winded conversation anyway? You could’ve just told me what to do and saved us both a headache. 

“Yes, yes. Now listen carefully, young Rudeus. Soon after you awake, you’ll see a man. Rely on him, and do what you can to help him.” 

As these brief and final words echoed through the void, the blurred-out god abruptly disappeared.