The Ex-Couple Visits Family (4)
First Kiss Manifesto
In what could only be described as a folly of youth, I had a so-called boyfriend during the eighth and ninth grade. I really enjoyed our time as a couple. That’s right, I wasn’t going to skirt around the truth anymore. I was done being stubborn. The days I spent as Mizuto Irido’s girlfriend—specifically before summer break—were most likely some of the happiest days of my life.
The best day of our relationship wasn’t Christmas, nor was it Valentine’s Day—it wasn’t any sort of holiday. It was just another school day. As usual, we left the classroom separately so we could meet up outside of school to walk home together.
We’d already been dating for a bit, so holding hands wasn’t embarrassing anymore. However, I was nervous about taking the next step in our relationship: kissing. I’d looked on the internet the night before to find out when it was normal for couples to have their first kiss. The search produced varying results. Some said after a certain number of dates, while others said after a certain number of months. The variance in data made it kind of hard for me to determine when exactly the best time was. I couldn’t get all the different answers out of my head.
I glanced at my boyfriend as we continued walking, hand in hand. It was about time, wasn’t it? Though the exact timing differed among various stories and recountings that I’d read online, we’d mostly gone through the generally agreed-upon prerequisites. We could kiss now...couldn’t we?
Suddenly, I started to get nervous. We’d walked this way home so many times by now I should’ve been comfortable. I started freaking out. Were my hands too sweaty? Was I squeezing too tight? I was worried that he might’ve caught onto what I was thinking about, but at the same time, I hoped he would notice and make the first move.
I may have been naive back then, but not enough to believe that Mizuto Irido would be the one to initiate our first kiss. Which meant I had to take the lead. But...how was I supposed to do that?
I hadn’t realized that we’d reached the spot where we’d go our separate ways in the time that I’d agonized over this. Usually, I wouldn’t be upset about leaving each other because I knew we could still talk over the phone. Plus, we’d see each other at school the next day. But...
“Okay, see you tomorrow.” Irido-kun waved at me and turned to leave.
Without thinking, I quickly grabbed his arm.
“Hm?” Irido-kun turned to look at me, confused.
And so, I stared. I stared and I stared at him, because that’s all I could do. I prayed that he’d pick up on what I wanted. At the end of it all, I shut my eyes and lifted my chin, leaving myself to his mercy. If he’d ignored this obvious of a hint, I’d have had no choice but to die on the spot. I’d pretty much burned my bridge of retreat. The only way was forward.
My heart was beating out of my chest. My body had stiffened so much that it felt like I’d become a statue. Though it’d only been a few seconds, it felt like an eternity. Why did I shut my eyes?! If I’d at least kept my eyes open, I could’ve seen his reaction. But I just knew that if I opened my eyes, everything would fall apart. Argh, what should I do?! You’re still here, right, Irido-kun? This is your arm I’m holding, right?! You’re still alive, right? You aren’t leaving me by myse—
And just as I thought that, I felt a soft sensation on my lips. All the stiffness in my body melted away. My heart calmed down. Warmth spread across my body as blood once again coursed through it. And then our teeth made contact, prompting us to move our mouths away from each other.
I finally opened my eyes to the face of my boyfriend, tinged red with both embarrassment and the setting sun.
“It’s...” I felt a calm, comfortable warmth run up my face. “It’s harder than I thought,” I said, hiding my mouth with my hand. I tried to laugh to hide my shame.
“We’ll work on it,” he said with a gentle smile.
That moment was the happiest I’ve ever felt in my life. Thinking about the future and how we’d share more and more of these moments together filled me with so much joy. I started wondering if it was okay for me to be so happy. I felt so light, like I was floating on air.
When I got back home, I changed my phone’s passcode to that day’s date. I’d had a feeling that those days would continue forever...even if they didn’t. Everything—good or bad— comes to an end. In a sense, this was symbolic of who I was as a person—someone who relied on others to make the first move. That part of me was precisely why Yume Ayai was alone that fateful summer festival.
Yume Irido
“Lookin’ cool, Yume-chan!” Madoka-san excitedly circled around me like a vulture, carefully examining every last inch of me. “You’re slender. It’s like you were born to wear traditional Japanese clothes. You’re perfect! The spitting image of a traditional Japanese beauty! We should get you in Taisho clothes next! I’ll get them for you!”
“N-No, that’s perfectly all right. A yukata’s enough for me.” I recoiled a bit from her. The level of excitement she had right now was a little off-putting.
I looked at myself and couldn’t help but remember the yukata I’d worn on my first date with Mizuto. It had been dark blue, but this time, Madoka-san had steered me away from those cold tones. I was wearing a much flashier white yukata with a red flower pattern.
“You’re even prettier than the fireworks! Ah, what have I done? Now the fireworks are ruined. Everyone’s gonna be looking at you!”
“Um... Are you making fun of me?”
“What?! No, I’m being serious right now!” Madoka-san frowned as if I’d insulted her.
Unlike me, she had on a dark blue yukata, the color of the night. Apparently, she’d intentionally chosen a contrasting color to mine.
“All righty, let’s get goin’! Mizuto-kun’s waitin’!”
“What does he have to do with anything?”
“Okay, okay. No matter what you say, I wanna see his reaction!”
She hurried me out the door before I could refuse. There was a car waiting for us outside the gate. Since the festival was in the city, Mineaki-ojisan had volunteered to drive us...and have a date with mom while he was at it.
Mizuto and Chikuma-kun were already waiting by the gate. They turned around to look at us as we approached. Madoka-san pushed me in front of her and peeked over my shoulder to see Mizuto’s reaction.
“Whaddya think? Beautiful, isn’t she?” Madoka-san grinned.
Mizuto looked at me with his usual dispassionate eyes, appraising my yukata while wearing a gray yukata himself...
“Can...”
“Hm?” Madoka-san shot me a confused look, but I paid her no intention and continued.
“Can I take your picture?!” I asked, tottering over to him. He looks so good in it! Who is that?! He was born to wear Japanese clothes! His slender body and slanted shoulders, and the overall line of his body perfectly displayed the simplicity of the yukata. I needed to document this. I need this on my phone!
“I’m kinda creeped out, so no.” Mizuto glared at me as I took a step forward.
“Why?! What’s creepy? Are you saying you in your yukata’s creepy?! Because it’s not. You look hotter than anyone in the world right now! I don’t care who you are—don’t you dare make fun of the way you look in that yukata!”
“I’m saying you’re creepy! How the hell does your mind work?!”
This blasphemous fool! I’m gonna take a picture, permission or not! As I pulled out my phone, I had a feeling that Madoka-san was wryly smiling.
“And you call me creepy...?” she said.
“We’ll go park the car.”
“Be careful, kids!”
Mom and Mineaki-ojisan dropped us off and headed to the almost full parking lot. As they drove away, I scanned the area.
“There are so many people...”
“Crazy, isn’t it? Like a hundred times more people than the population of the town we’re staying in,” Madoka-san said.
There had been a lot of people around the station the last time we were here, since there were plenty of stores to visit. Even so, there hadn’t been nearly as many people as there were now. There was a literal sea of people here; taking even one step in any direction meant running into someone. Where did they all come from?
“The festival here’s pretty famous—I mean, not Gion Festival famous, but there’s a good number of people who come out here just for this,” Madoka-san continued.
“There are fireworks at this festival, right? Are they that special?” I asked, curiously.
“Oh yeah, they’re definitely worth the trip. Plus, the shrines around here make a killing.”
“Why’s that?”
Madoka-san snickered. “Relationship luck,” she said through a teasing grin.
“Uh... Well, I don’t need any luck in romance.”
“Whaddya mean? They’re for all sorts of relationships, not just romantic ones. Funny how your mind jumped to that conclusion, though. Anyone particular in mind? Come on, you can tell me.”
“Ugh...” She was starting to get on my nerves.
“Well, anyway, as you can guess, the festival’s a big date spot. Don’t feel pressured to stop by the shrine or anything, though. Enjoy the day in your own way.” Madoka-san stuck her hand out to Chikuma-kun and he obediently took it. “It’d be bad if we got separated, y’know?” She flashed a look at me and Mizuto after saying that. She wasn’t even trying to be subtle.
Mizuto exhaled slightly. “We’re not kids. On the off chance we get separated, we can just head ho—”
But I grabbed his hand before he could finish that thought. He looked down at my hand and then back to me.
“What’s the big idea?”
“It’s my duty as the older sister to make sure that you don’t get lost. Isn’t that right, Madoka-san?”
“Precisely!”
The two of us laughed at our inside joke. I’m done being stubborn over trivial things like this, Mizuto-kun.
“Fine, I’ll hold your hand. Happy?” He sheepishly averted his gaze.
“Yes. Good boy.”
“Shut up...”
I giggled as we began walking shoulder to shoulder. My mind felt so clear after crying my eyes out in front of him yesterday. There wasn’t anything weighing me down. I felt like I was able to interact with him more easily than before. If I removed the label of “ex” from him, he was just a fun-to-tease, sulky individual with poor communication skills.
I made sure to keep my eyes on Madoka-san as she led us towards our destination. “Why did you come today?” I asked curiously. “You hate crowds.”
“Who doesn’t? Anyway, Madoka-san drags me here every year without fail, so I’ve just given up on fighting her.”
“Uh-huh...” You sure you didn’t come because you wanted to see my yukata? As much as I wanted to ask him that, I decided against it. The mere idea of yukatas and festivals weighed heavily on my mind.
I remembered the painful memories from that fateful summer festival back in the ninth grade. Because of a fight we’d had before it, our relationship had gotten messed up, and we ended up spending our entire summer break without making even a single plan together. Even so, I’d dressed up in my yukata and gone to the summer festival, praying that he’d show up.
After all, it was the anniversary of our first date. I clung on to the sliver of hope that he’d come to the festival on his own and find me. At the end of my hope was nothing but despair. No matter how long I waited, I was alone at the festival from start to finish. He most likely had no clue that any of this had happened.
That was my last memory of wearing a yukata at a summer festival—loneliness, helplessness, and the crushing realization that we were over. Even though I’d been able to push those unresolved feelings down, the pain of it left a scar on me—one that I’d bear for the rest of my life.
As we followed the crowd of people, we ended up at the brightly lit path to the shrine. Various food stalls lined up on either side of the path had takoyaki, cotton candy, cucumber on a stick, chocolate bananas, okonomiyaki, cucumber on a stick, yakisoba, fried chicken, cucumber, cucumber, cucumber...
“Why’s there so much cucumber?”
“Yeah, it’s like this every year. There’s always a lot.” Madoka-san laughed.
There were a ton of stalls that had rows of cucumbers that had been seasoned and pierced with a stick. There were as many of these stalls as there were of the more traditionally popular ones like takoyaki and yakisoba. Is there really that much of a demand?
“Anything you guys wanna eat?” Madoka-san asked. “I’ve secured funds from grandma, so lemme know.”
“These stalls are obviously overpriced. Makes me want to go to a convenience store instead,” I commented.
“Don’t worry about it! There aren’t many convenience stores around here. You can thank us being out in the boonies for that.” Madoka-san snickered.
So she isn’t going to deny that the stuff here’s overpriced? But thinking about this a different way, it was the same logic as the pricing at coffee shops—you paid for the atmosphere. Plus, the takoyaki you bought at these stalls had to be different from the ones you could buy at food courts, right?
“If you don’t know what to get, how about I take you to my friend’s spot? I hope they’re here, at least.”
“Your friend? Don’t you only come here once a year? How did you make a friend like that? Are they local?” I asked, absolutely confused.
“Remember this well. That’s what a real socialite looks like,” Mizuto said.
“You make it sound like I’m not a real socialite.”
“Yeah, you’re not.”
“Stop saying that!”
“Hiding the truth doesn’t make it any less true.”
Says the person whose entire high school life’s strategy is to hide the truth!
Madoka-san eventually led us to a certain stand.
“Wassup? Glad to see you’re back!” she called out to the owner of the stand.
“Oh, Madoka-chan! You’re looking great as always!”
“Thanks!” She giggled.
She’d led us to an older guy with dark skin. I was pretty sure he was Indian, but I couldn’t tell if his accent was genuine or not. I noticed that he was stirring a big pot of curry. Actually, he was such a walking stereotype that it was kinda suspicious.
“Here, try my tandoori chicken curry. You’ll love it!”
Chikuma-kun reached his small hand out to give the man money for the food.
“Oh hey, Chikuma-kun! Thanks! My curry’s even better than the kind you can get in India!”
Chikuma-kun seemed completely unfazed as he took the plate of tandoori chicken curry. I guess he was used to this.
“I guess it is a unique opportunity...” I said.
“’Kay! Two more!” Madoka-san called out.
“You got it!”
She didn’t even ask Mizuto before ordering his portion, but it didn’t seem like he cared too much. Before I knew it, a plate of tandoori chicken curry was in front of me. I had to be careful not to get my yukata dirty. I cautiously loaded my mouth with the food and was immediately met with the taste of chicken and spices.
“It’s...really good,” I said.
“I know, right?! He makes good stuff even though he’s kinda sus,” Madoka-san excitedly agreed.
“Me? Suspicious? Oh, you and your jokes.”
So Madoka-san and I had the same impression. Meanwhile, Mizuto was silently and expressionlessly stuffing his face with the tandoori chicken. I had absolutely no clue what was going through his mind.
“Taste good?”
“I guess...”
“You guess? Is it good or not?”
He clammed up. He must’ve really hated me asking him.
“Aw, Chikuma, your mouth is a mess. Stay still. I’ll wipe you clean.”
“I can do i— Mmff.” Chikuma-kun got out a few words before Madoka-san began wiping his mouth with a tissue. He must’ve been embarrassed because he was resisting her. This reminded me of when I’d wiped his mouth at the barbecue. Just as I began to space out, I felt Madoka-san flashing another look at me. My eyes widened and I spun around to look at Mizuto’s mouth, which had some curry around it.
“Mizuto—” As soon as I turned around, tissue ready in my hand, Mizuto wiped his mouth clean with his finger. Dammit! I couldn’t believe I’d missed my chance. I’d done it at the barbecue, so why not now?!
“What’re you playing at?” he asked.
“If I do the same thing as Madoka-san, that makes me the older sibling, right?”
“Hell no.”
“It does!”
I’d been an only child until recently, so I was still kind of figuring out what it meant to have a sibling. But as long as I followed Madoka-san’s lead, I could easily become like an older sister. By mimicking her, I’d naturally end up being recognized as the elder sibling. I had a leg up on Mizuto since he didn’t have an example to learn from. Heh heh, my strategy is flawless.
Madoka-san’s snickering brought me out of my thoughts. “Interesting...”
We were currently walking the remainder of the path, which was hard due to the sheer number of people. I could barely see where we were going.
“Oh, look, Chikuma! A shooting range! Wanna play?” Madoka-san asked.
Chikuma-kun’s eyes lit up when he saw the prizes. On one of the shelves, there was a game, which was, of course, positioned in a way that it’d be hard to knock down.
“Y-Yeah...” Chikuma-kun replied.
“All righty! Let’s get the top prize together!” Madoka-san said, paying the fee and handing Chikuma-kun the air rifle.
He bent over to aim at the game. The barrel of the gun shook as he took aim. He most likely wasn’t strong enough to hold it steady. Just as I was thinking that there was no way that he was going to hit the prize, Madoka-san intervened.
“Aw, jeez. You gotta hold it better,” Madoka-san chuckled. She circled behind him and reached around to help support his arms.
“I-I can do it by myself...”
“Don’t be shy! Steady...”
A-Are siblings allowed to be so close to each other? Her boobs are pressed up right against him. He can definitely feel her breath against his ear. But maybe it’s not a big deal because they’re siblings...
Pop! Chikuma-kun took a shot but unfortunately missed his target.
“Aw, that sucks. We’re not gonna get anywhere like this... Mizuto-kun, you’re up!”
Mizuto’s eye twitched.
“Get revenge for Chikuma! Yume-chan’ll back you up. You can count on her as your big sister.” As soon as I saw Madoka-san’s face, I knew she’d set me up. She must’ve heard me talking about doing the same things as she did.
“Fine. I’ll give it a shot.”
Has he not caught on? He paid the fee and got the rifle. Maybe he actually wanted to make Chikuma-kun feel better. He leaned over to position the gun and I froze.
“What’s the matter, Yume-chan?” Madoka-san whispered in my ear. “You gotta help out your little brother.”
“Y-Yeah, but...”
“Hm, what’s so embarrassing about hugging your little brother? It’s no big deal, right?”
I-I didn’t realize Madoka-san was this much of a bully! I had no escape. The only option left to me was to do what Madoka-san had done. I approached Mizuto from behind. At first, I wasn’t sure if I could use the same excuse as she had, but he was just as much of a string bean as Chikuma-kun, so he wasn’t able to hold the gun steady. There was no way he could hit the game like this and get revenge for Chikuma-kun. Oh... He really is doing this for Chikuma-kun. I finally found my resolve and reached from behind to support his arms.
“Wha— Hey!”
“D-Don’t look at me. L-Look at the target!” I forced him to face forward. I slowly reached out and placed my hands on his wrists. They’re so thin, but I can still feel muscle. They really are different from a girl’s... I wondered if he’d have the same sort of thoughts. Would he think that I felt different than a guy?
“Aren’t you a little too far to the right?”
“Not at all.”
“You’re crooked!”
“Ugh, fine. This good?”
“Now you’re too far to the left!”
After squabbling with each other, we finally agreed on a direction. All that was left to do was pull the trigger, but...I felt my arms shaking. It’d taken everything I had to make sure that my body—mainly my chest—didn’t come into contact with his back while I gripped his wrists. It’d taken longer than I’d expected to agree on an angle, so I could feel myself losing strength.
“Okay...” Mizuto held his breath and was about to pull the trigger when my arms gave out.
“Ah!”
Allow me to preface this before going any further. As middle schoolers, we’d kissed during the peak of our horniness. But even so, first base was as far as we’d gone. Touching...being touched... Those weren’t things we ever did!
My elbow bent and my body leaned forward and his shoulders came in contact with my chest.
Mizuto’s body immediately jumped a little and the gun went off, completely missing the target.
“Aw...” Madoka-san mumbled, disappointed.
We’d missed, and it was completely my fault. But then, I heard the sound of something else being hit. We’d ended up shooting the white rabbit plushie right below the game that Chikuma-kun wanted.
“Oh, nice shot!” the guy running the stall said. “Here ya go.” He exchanged the gun in Mizuto’s hand for the plushie.
The two of us silently stared at the plushie that looked like some sort of mascot.
“Did you do that on purpose?” Mizuto asked.
“O-Of course not! My arms got tired, and—”
“Okay. I’m glad my stepsister isn’t a slut.”
“A-A what?! Wh-What about you? I felt you react! Barely anything happened! You should already be used to it with Higashira-san!”
“That’s different.”
“Huh?”
“Higashira clings to me without thinking too much about it, but you absolutely freak out. Calm down!”
“Y-You make it sound like I’m not as used to guys as she is! Maybe you’re just too sensitive, you closet perv!”
“Okay, you two. If you’re gonna argue, do it somewhere you won’t bother the other customers.” Madoka-san pushed us away from the stall and off the path, where many people were hanging out and eating.
I glanced at Mizuto, who was holding the plushie. “It really doesn’t suit you...”
“Ugh, it’s always something with you. Can’t you keep some thoughts to yourself?”
“Heh, what’s the matter? You know, now that I look at it, the plushie makes you seem a little more approachable. Maybe you should take it with you everywhere you go.”
“Like hell I will. I’m just carrying it. What do I look like? A certain young girl with darkness in her heart, carrying around a rabbit plushie everywhere?”
I have no clue what he’s referencing. At any rate, the idea of Mizuto with this plushie in his room was a great image. It totally didn’t suit him. If Higashira-san saw this in his room, I could only imagine what she’d say. “Huh? Are you trying to go for the gap moe angle? Aren’t you being a little too ham-fisted with it? Gap moe isn’t even that big of a thing right now.”
I noticed that Chikuma-kun was staring at it. Oh, right, wasn’t the entire point to get revenge for Chikuma-kun? But would a boy be happy getting a cute plushie like that?
“Hm?” Mizuto noticed Chikuma-kun’s gaze on the plushie. “Oh, I see,” he muttered. “Here.” With that, he shoved the plushie into Chikuma-kun’s arms.
He reflexively accepted it and blinked in confusion. “U-Uh...”
“I don’t need it. Take it,” Mizuto said curtly.
Chikuma-kun gripped the plushie. “Th-Thank you...”
It looks good with Chikuma-kun. He was already a cute kid, so adding the plushie to the mix really added to it. Plus, the way he was smiling made it obvious that he wanted it.
“How’d you know?” I whispered to Mizuto.
“It’s from a game.”
“Huh? Really?”
“Pokémon. I’ve seen him play the games.”
Oh, that sounds right, now that I think about it. I looked at the euphoric Chikuma-kun and then at my surly little stepbrother.
“Despite how quiet you are, you’re surprisingly observant.”
“I’m sure he’s got it pretty rough with a personality like that.”
Mizuto wasn’t shy, but he wasn’t good in groups. Both of us felt a kinship with Chikuma-kun. Mizuto’d been just as worried about him as I. He should’ve just sat down and talked to Chikuma-kun. I wondered how he’d react if he found out that Chikuma-kun looked up to him.
“You’re even awkward when you act like an older brother, you know that?”
“What do you mean ‘even’? When have I ever been awkward?”
“You’re giving me even more reason to not let you be my older brother.”
“It’s a hell of a lot better than you being my older sister.”
He really couldn’t play nice. He could stand to learn a thing or two from Chikuma-kun. Watching him “angrily” snort and look away made me giggle.
After taking a break, Madoka-san took us around the stalls again. We ate some takoyaki and cotton candy, tried goldfish scooping, and got our futures read at an automated fortune teller. It must’ve been broken, because it told me that my romantic future looked great.
We slowly made our way to the shrine. Apparently, it was open to people who wanted to pray. I wasn’t exactly interested in that, but I would’ve loved the opportunity to give the god of relationships a good smack in the face if at all possible. We weren’t here for that, though. We were going to see the fireworks. The shrine was pretty crowded, so it was probably best to find and secure a spot as soon as possible. With that in mind, I turned to Madoka-san.
“What time are the fireworks?” I asked her.
“They should be around eight,” Madoka-san said as she rolled a lollipop around in her mouth. “It’s okay, though. I asked for help securing a spot.”
“Who’d you ask?”
“Our family.”
I followed her gaze, and I saw our parents talking with someone in front of what appeared to be the shrine’s office. They really looked like they were on a date.
“Who are they talking to? I asked.”
“Mm, I dunno. I feel like I know that old lady. I used to be a sort of celebrity in our hometown, so I hung out with the adults a lot,” Madoka-san replied.
Did that mean that mom was greeting an acquaintance? Or did she just happen to run into someone and was having a conversation? Should I be with her?
“Oh, Yume! Mizuto-kun!” Mom waved at us.
I immediately let go of Mizuto’s hand as the four of us walked towards her. It would’ve been too annoying if I’d kept it up in front of our parents.
“Perfect timing! Kedouin-san, this is my daughter, Yume.”
“Oh, you have such an adorable daughter! Your yukata suits you very well. It’s rare for youngsters to look good in a yukata.”
“Thank you. Nice to meet you...” She hadn’t really been properly introduced to me, so I could only really guess that she was some woman from a rich family. She had the aura of a celebrity.
“I’m jealous. With a daughter like that, you’ll never have to worry about her getting married. Not like my granddaughter who’s already thirty. Who knows what she’s doing...”
“Thirty’s still young! Don’t worry!” Madoka-san said, casually entering the conversation with this stranger.
She’s so brave...or maybe insensitive. From the bottom of my heart, I truly wished I could even have a shred of her personality.
“Looks like Mizuto-kun has more to his family than just his father now,” Kedouin-san said with a warm smile while looking at me. “I’d only really heard things from Natsume, so I was a little worried. I know your new environment might still take some getting used to, but please look after Mizuto-kun.”
“Okay...” I nodded.
I felt weird. It was as if she saw Mizuto as some kind of pitiful being that couldn’t live without the support of another. That was nothing like the guy I knew. The Mizuto Irido I knew purposely distanced himself from others and took care of things by himself. I’d never thought of him as pitiful even once. Were we really talking about the same person?
“The Tanesato family has secured a good place to watch the fireworks from. Follow me,” the woman said.
“Thanks as always,” Mineaki-ojisan said.
“What do you four want to do?” mom asked. “There’s still some time before the fireworks start.”
I looked back, and it was only then that I realized Mizuto wasn’t there. It was as if he’d faded into the crowd.
“Uh...”
He hadn’t run away, nor was he avoiding us. He’d really faded away. It was as if he’d disappeared from this world without a trace.
“Ugh, he disappeared again.” Madoka-san furrowed her brow. “Why does he always go off and disappear right before the fireworks start?”
Just then, the events of the past few days played back in my head.
On the first day here, Mizuto had been thanked by Mineaki-ojisan before leaving the dinner. I understood why that was now. He’d been thanked for sticking around. Mizuto was uncomfortable being there, and his dad knew that.
On the second day, Mizuto made absolutely no effort to participate in the barbecue. He kept himself immersed in his book—he didn’t so much as look up. It was only after I interacted with him that he started to loosen up a bit.
On the third day, he was obviously put in a bad mood after seeing me talking to Chikuma-kun. He was acting almost the same way as a kid who’d had his toy taken away. It wasn’t as if he resented or blamed Chikuma-kun, though.
And then today, I saw that Mizuto wasn’t necessarily ignoring his relatives. If anything, he was watching them closely. If he hadn’t been, there’s no way that he would’ve known to give Chikuma-kun the plushie.
I continued to remember other things. I remembered his expressionless face as he’d sat in front of the altar on Mother’s Day. I remembered Higashira-san fearing that she’d lose her place in Mizuto’s heart. I remembered the reason he rejected Higashira-san—the fact that he only had the capacity to truly face one person, and that seat was already filled.
And then I remembered our phone conversation.
“Ayai... Never mind... My phone’s about to die,” he’d said.
Back then, I’d lamented the fact that he could’ve just charged his phone...but what if he’d been in a place where he couldn’t readily charge his phone? I checked the time on my phone. It was August 12th, 7:26 p.m.
Oh. Oh, that’s right. I get it. I get it now. I hadn’t known back then, but I did now. It’d taken me two years, but now I understood that he went back to his dad’s hometown every year and to this summer festival.
“How I wish you’d stopped me.” The words of his great-grandfather flashed through my head.
I’d seen so many different sides of Mizuto Irido. I’d seen him as a classmate, as a boyfriend, and as my stepbrother. They were all different pieces of a puzzle that were only now coming together to form a picture of this guy that I thought I knew. I wouldn’t have known him like this just by being his girlfriend.
People’s natures are set in stone. There was nothing he could’ve done to change who he was. Everything he was and would become followed a natural trajectory. That’s what others understood and expected from him. Even he’d admit it. The person known as Mizuto Irido was completed, but he had reservations about that. He’d fought against it. The girl known as Yume Ayai had been his only way to fight. Against what? Against the trap that a higher power had set—fate.
“I...” That’s why the following words came out of my mouth. “I’ll be right back.” As a person who’d also been at the mercy of a higher power, I didn’t have a choice.
“Hm? Okay, be safe,” Madoka-san said before lightly chuckling.
The time he’d called me was still in my call history.
Mizuto Irido
As long as I could remember, I hadn’t felt anything. No matter what I did, I felt like an outsider. No matter what I saw, it looked fake. What people knew as life, I felt was just something on the other side of a monitor. This wasn’t me trying to mimic No Longer Human—I just really had no feelings.
When my classmates would be happy, sad, or mad, I couldn’t empathize whatsoever. None of their feelings resonated with me. Probably because I knew that they were saying the same empty words that I’d heard time and time again.
“Thank goodness you were born healthy.”
“You must be so sad without your mother. You poor thing.”
I’d heard these words over and over and over and over again. Like I gave a damn. I really didn’t. What about me made you say that? Was I doing something out of the ordinary? I’m breathing, just like you. Why are you praising me? Why do you have to see me as some kind of charity case?
I couldn’t understand. A hole opened inside me because I couldn’t understand. Everything I saw and heard got sucked into it. The only things that ever felt real were the books I read.
I’ll never forget the first time I read my great-grandfather’s The Siberian Dancer Girl. The words weren’t in color. There weren’t any pictures, but even still, it felt like a movie was playing before my eyes. I could vividly see the emotions and characters.
Even though I couldn’t resonate with anyone in real life, after interacting with the world of words, I finally felt as though my heart was filled. The Dancing Girl taught me the weakness of people. Rashomon taught me the ego of people. Sangetsuki taught me the pride of people. And then Kokoro taught me about the souls of people.
For me, fiction was turning into truth. The world I’d been reading about was becoming more real than the world I lived in. If anything, reality felt like fiction. So even when I met Yume Ayai, it felt like I was just going through the motions. Talking to her was honestly nothing more than a whim.
Even when I continued to meet her in the library, it felt like I was watching myself through a monitor. Things only changed when we had our first date at the summer festival. That klutz got lost and bawled to me over the phone. I was annoyed to my core. I couldn’t believe that such a weak person existed. It was like she couldn’t even breathe if there wasn’t someone holding her hand. I was sure that if I abandoned her, she’d keep crying in some dark place that nobody knew about.
That’s when I thought, “Oh, how pitiful.” It was only then that I finally realized what exactly I was looking at. Ayai was clumsy, weak, and dependent. I knew that from the beginning, but it was just information. It was just like when I was reading— No, this feeling burned inside me even more intensely. That was you, Ayai.
The only person I ever felt was real was you. Sure, it might’ve just been a temporary lapse of judgment—an illusion caused by my brain. I knew that now that everything was over. But even so...why could I still feel the heat from the feelings I had back then inside me?
All we’d done was go back to how we used to be. There was nothing burdensome left. So...why can’t I move on?!
Yume Irido
Let me be up-front for a moment: I had absolutely no evidence to support the following actions. All I had was a feeling, which pushed me to break from the sea of people and walk this path a little ways off of the main temple walkway.
At the very least, even if it did lead into the forest, it was still stone-paved, so it wasn’t too difficult to follow while wearing traditional Japanese sandals. I saw a small shrine. It was so dark that I could barely see anything around me. I couldn’t believe that there was a festival not even that far away with how dark it was.
There may have been some stone lanterns, but they didn’t look like they’d been used in forever. The moonlight illuminated the shrine grounds, which were about as big as a basketball court.
The path led into the grounds and ended at the shrine, where Mizuto Irido sat halfway up the stairs. He wasn’t doing anything in particular—just vacantly staring into the starry sky. I knew I had to do something to catch his attention, so I made sure to step a little harder against the stone to assert my presence.
“You must really like dark places.” My comment was filled with my usual sarcastic tone. “You’re like the reincarnation of a green bean. Not only do you like the shade, but you’re just as lanky and weak. You can’t even hold a toy gun without your arms shaking.”
Mizuto’s eyes fell from the sky and onto me. His brow was furrowed. Yes, look at me. You can shun me. You can hate me. I’m not your girlfriend anymore.
“Did you really come all this way just to annoy me? Wanna throw more shade on how I’m just a lonely bastard who can’t even fit in with his relatives?”
“Of course not. I already knew that about you. What good would it do to rehash that? Talk about a waste of time.”
“Hmph.”
I slowly took step after step towards him, getting close enough that I could hear his breathing. I could smell him. I could sense his warmth.
I didn’t think it was a miracle that he’d been born despite his mother’s weak constitution. It was her own effort. Kana Irido had given everything she had in order to give birth to him. Why should he be praised for what she’d done? In the same way, I didn’t think he should be pitied for not having a mother while growing up.
I might’ve been pitiable because I didn’t have a dad around, but that’s because I actually knew him. I’d lived in a house with both my parents, and it hurt losing him. I knew the pain of losing a parent, but he didn’t. He’d grown up without a mother from the start.
People pitying him for not having a mother was just them forcing their values onto him. It was the same as people being condescending and pitying people who’d never been in love before. All they’re doing is forcing what they know onto others because they pity them.
When people told him how “happy” they were for him and how they “felt bad” for him, he didn’t understand at all. These weren’t feelings that originated with him; he didn’t view himself like that at all. If there was an observer effect—similar to the one in quantum mechanics—that affected personalities, it’d make sense that a void in him would’ve been created. One that was formed by people perceiving him as a pitiable child who had no mother.
His words replayed in my head. “Even so, I read it all. It was the first story I’d ever read from cover to cover by myself.”
As a certain author once said, “I believe that writing and reading novels is our one way of protesting against the fact that we only live once.”
He was right. It was a form of protest. Just as I’d admired the great fictional detectives who’d come up with amazing deductions without even batting an eye, Mizuto was enticed by the lives of different people to protest the fact that people saw him as pitiful.
Mizuto Irido didn’t have anything. He borrowed from others to fill the void inside him. Not knowing his mom wasn’t pitiable, sad, or lonely. Not having anything in the first place meant that he had nothing to lose. But then he did gain something, and he lost that too. That was probably the only thing that someone could pity him for. Isn’t that right, Mizuto? After all, the love he’d lost was standing right in front of him.
“Two years ago...” I started as I got closer to him, “we had our first date at a summer festival. I got lost and cried to you over the phone.”
“Huh...?” Mizuto looked confused, but I stayed calm and continued. I wasn’t scared to talk anymore.
“A few days later I got a call from you at night. Do you remember?” The wind started blowing, rustling the leaves in the trees around us. “I do. I remember in the background, there was the soft sound of trees swaying in the wind. You called me when you were here...didn’t you?” That’d been the only home visit during which he’d called someone. “You...” I began giggling in a way I never would’ve been able to two years ago. “You really liked me, didn’t you?”
I’d always thought that I’d been the one to confess to him, but that wasn’t true. He’d always spent his time alone. The very fact that he openly invited me to spend time with him was almost like a confession. If that didn’t count, I didn’t know what did.
Mizuto didn’t say a word. He turned his head, his facial expression unchanging. I glanced at my phone to check the time. She said eight o’clock, right? I sat down next to Mizuto, less than a foot away from him. This was the appropriate distance for now.
“Do you remember the first day we went to school after we started dating?” I asked again, looking at the stars. “I was so embarrassed, and we ended up going in separately. What would’ve happened if we’d walked together into the classroom? Do you think anything would’ve changed?”
He didn’t respond, so I continued. “Do you remember how on our date I wore a miniskirt? I was feeling really insecure because you hadn’t really reacted at all, but right as we were about to go our separate ways for the day, you told me not to expose myself so much? I couldn’t help but think you were surprisingly cuter than I’d thought.”
Still no response.
“Do you remember when your class was playing soccer during gym class? I got to find out just how inept my boyfriend was at sports. I was a little disappointed at first, but in the end, I felt closer to you because we shared that ineptitude.”
Still no response.
“Do you remember studying for midterms together? We flirted with each other whenever we saw the opportunity. I don’t think we were able to retain any of the information we learned. I think that might’ve been around the time I saved the eraser you gave me.”
Memory after memory surfaced, but he still didn’t respond once. These weren’t memories that’d been forced onto me. These weren’t memories of anyone else. These were memories that we’d made together.
“I think it was in November that I got sick and you came to visit me. Now that I think about it, you probably just wanted to see me in my pajamas. You really are such a closet perv.”
Still no response.
“Oh, and then there was that time we were studying for finals. I was determined to stay focused so I could beat you. That’s why I chose a public library so that we’d be on our best behavior, but...I couldn’t hold back and... God, there was something really wrong with me back then. I might’ve still been a kid, but I can’t believe I risked being seen by someone and...”
Still no response.
“We had a Christmas date just like most couples do, but I was too shy to give you your present during the date. You came all the way over to my house that night... Honestly, I was really happy.”
Still no response.
“And during spring break, you invited me to your room. God, I was so nervous! But you looked completely fine, and in the end, you didn’t even make a move on me...even though you had every intention to. Thinking back, I can’t believe you lusted after me. I know I’m kinda shooting myself in the foot, but my proportions back then weren’t all that attractive.”
Still no response.
“Oh, and then there were all the times we went to secondhand bookstores or sat next to each other and secretly passed notes. That really made my heart race.”
Still no response.
“Do you remember when we had our first kiss?” I did. How could I forget the incredibly blissful feelings I felt on that day we were walking home? I’d never forget. I looked at him. He continued to stare at the starry expanse, but his lips began to move.
“October 27th,” he said slowly. “Exactly two months after we started dating.”
“So you do remember. Thought as much.”
“Was it that obvious?”
“I knew after you unlocked my phone at the river.”
“You shouldn’t use dates as passwords.”
“You say that, but the fact that you were able to pull that up immediately means that you must’ve used it too at some point.”
Mizuto was apparently pleading the fifth, but his silence might as well have been an answer.
“It really was exactly two months after we started dating, huh?” I continued. “In the moment, I thought that if I let that chance go, I wouldn’t have another one until the following month, so I panicked a little.”
“And here I thought that you were being influenced by all the dubious information you’d been getting from magazines and internet forums.”
“Uh... W-Well, sure, I might have used them—but just as references, okay?!”
“Uh-huh, but knowing you, if you didn’t have those kinds of manuals to follow, you never would have been able to do anything as bold as that.”
“Sue me! Sorry that I need manuals to function! You should be praising your girlfriend for having taken the initiative!”
“Oh yeah, I’m so proud of you. I bet you practiced your kissing face a lot too.”
“Wha— H-How did you know?”
“It was so obvious. There was no way you’d get it so perfect on your first try.”
“Shut up! I get a lot of things right on my first try!”
“Yeah, and I’m always there to cover your ass so that things don’t fall apart.”
“What do you want, a cookie? A real guy would keep these things to himself.”
“Why should I care about acting like a ‘real guy’ in front of you?”
“True... There’s no merit for you, and it’s not like you could get me any more disillusioned with you than I already am.”
“That’s my line.”
We kept talking to each other clearly and without pause. These were our words—nobody else’s.
“I wanna set the record straight about the time you were wearing a miniskirt, though,” he said.
“Oh, the time that you were acting really pathetic and possessive?”
“Listen, all I was trying to say was that miniskirts didn’t suit you!”
“Uh-huh. Sure. Says the guy who forced his way into my house to see me in pajamas.”
“No, that time I was just checking up on you as your boyfriend.”
“Really? So whenever I feel like you’re stealing glances at me in my pajamas nowadays—that’s all in my head?”
“Yeah, it is. You’re really so full of it. I see you in your pajamas every day. I don’t care about that anymore.”
“‘Anymore’?! I knew it! You did want to see me in my pajamas back then! You closet perv!”
“Not true.”
“Sheesh, having a wuss for a boyfriend was really such a struggle. Thanks to that, I lost the chance for my first time.”
“It wouldn’t have worked out anyway, not with how tense you were from nerves. Nothing was getting in that day.”
“H-How dare you! You can’t say that!”
Our conversation really had no substance; it was the same kind of insubstantial conversation classmates or family members would have. How long had it taken for us to get like this? How long had it taken him?
“So...”
“What?”
“Why did you go out with me?” Finally, I was able to ask the question I’d been meaning to for two years.
Mizuto paused before answering. “True. It didn’t have to be you. I could’ve easily ended up dating someone else.”
“Excuse me?!”
“I just sorta went with the flow—it was a coincidence. If I’d met Higashira first, I doubt I would’ve ever gone out with you.”
“True...” He had a point. If he’d met Higashira-san before me, there wouldn’t have been any chance for me to come between them.
“But you were the one that I met,” he said, his voice clear. “It might’ve been nothing more than you beating someone else to the punch, but that’s the reason I said yes. Satisfied?”
“Sure...” I’d gotten to him first merely by chance. It’d been chance that I beat anyone else to the punch. It was fine—not a problem. After all, what was chance if not another way to say fate? “It’s about time.”
“Hm?”
“For your wish from two years ago to come true.” For me, it was more like one year ago, since he hadn’t come to the last summer festival.
He’d been the one to find me when I got lost during our aquarium date in April, but this time, I was the one who found him. I was sure that Yume Irido had surpassed Yume Ayai.
Just as the clock struck eight, the night sky was lit up by fireworks. The next moment, a thunderous boom shook our bodies. Our faces were illuminated by a myriad of colors. The fireworks were a lot louder than I’d expected. So this is Mizuto’s secret hideout. He came here every year, unbeknownst to anyone else, to watch the grand display of fireworks. But unfortunately for him, this wasn’t just his secret spot anymore.
“We’re finally able to see them together,” I teased.
He was a complete enigma. Stubborn to a fault, annoying, and a grade-A pain in my ass. If I didn’t put in the effort to try and read between the lines, I’d be completely lost. He didn’t express any emotions, nor did he say what he was feeling out loud. I really couldn’t believe that he’d ever had a girlfriend. No wonder his relationship hadn’t lasted very long. If anything, it was impressive that it had gone on for a whole year and a half. If it wasn’t for the fact that we were family now, I highly doubted that I’d voluntarily be anywhere near him.
But it was thanks to this opportunity that we’d been reunited and I was able to see this side of him. I heard a sound that vanished with the whistling of the fireworks. The flashes of light illuminated his expression. If I hadn’t been here, I’d never have known. If I hadn’t been sitting next to him—not even a foot of space between us—I would never have seen the teardrop rolling down his face.
I began to remember all the times that I’d broken down crying in front of him. In all the time that I’d spent with him, though, I’d never once seen him cry. Nor had I ever felt like this before. My heart wasn’t pounding out of my chest. I wasn’t feeling so elated that it was like I was floating. I wasn’t so nervous that my body tensed up. My face wasn’t flushed or anything. I felt calm but warm—as if someone was hugging me.
I could feel something inside me. It was a basic instinct of humans—desire. I needed to confirm it. Fireworks didn’t last that long. As soon as they burst in the sky, they disappeared and returned our surroundings to darkness, making it hard to see his face, even though he was right next to me.
The past me might not have been able to do this, but I could. “Look at me...”
“Hm?”
I saw his head turn towards me. You can’t be this defenseless. If you let your guard down this easily, you’re going to be eaten up. Are you okay with that? I held Mizuto’s head in place with my hands.
“Wai—”
I’m not going to let you finish your sentence. It’s okay. Even if it’s dark, I know exactly where your lips are. In the next moment, I was met with a familiar sensation. My head was tilted slightly to the right. I wasn’t going to be as clumsy this time and let our teeth slam into each other. There wasn’t a need to move our faces away from each other every three seconds. I don’t want you to run away.
Four seconds: I wanted to get back the time we’d lost.
Five seconds: All the time from last year when you stopped contacting me until now.
Six seconds: August, September, October.
Seven seconds: Our birthdays, Christmas, New Year’s.
Eight seconds: Valentine’s Day, White Day, our graduation ceremony.
Nine seconds: We became stepsiblings.
Ten seconds: We’re supposed to be exes, but we’ve been going around in circles.
I slowly moved my face away from his. I’d gone through all the time we should have had together until now. All that was left was the here and now.
My heart wasn’t racing. I was satisfied. I’d gotten back the time we’d lost. The unresolved feelings I’d had were gone. My eyes had adapted to the darkness. I could easily see Mizuto and his surprised expression. Yeah, you should be surprised. You should be confused. You should be stressed-out.
To you, our relationship might have just been a mess of unresolved feelings. To you, it might have just been a past relationship, but that’s okay. You can play down the past as much as you want. But here’s the thing... No matter how much you might have loved Yume Ayai, Yume Irido will win your heart.
That’s what this kiss meant. I kissed you—not as Yume Ayai but as Yume Irido. My first kiss as her was a declaration of war against the person you cited when you rejected Higashira-san. She might have been occupying that one seat in your heart, but I was determined to steal it away from her.
I giggled and stood up and looked behind me at the shrine. Mizuto was still frozen in place. I can’t believe I’ve fallen for the same guy twice. This was a trap that’d been set by a higher power—it was destiny. I kinda wanted to curse out that higher power, but at the same time, I was a little thankful.
“Let’s go back, Mizuto,” I said, extending my hand to him.
He blinked in a daze before putting his fingers to his lips.
“Huh? But...”
“Hurry up! Our parents are gonna be worried!”
I pulled Mizuto to his feet. I thought I heard the grass rustle, but I was too occupied by Mizuto. It wasn’t every day I got to see him this flustered.
“Oh, there you two are!” Madoka-san said from the front of the shrine’s office. Chikuma-kun was behind her. For some reason, there were leaves on the hem of his yukata.
“Phew. I’m glad that the two of you didn’t get lost too.”
“Huh? ‘Too’?”
“Oh yeah, Chikuma was lost until a little while a— Ow!”
In a rare display of rebellion, Chikuma-kun began pounding on her back. He was usually so well-behaved, this was surprising.
“What’s wrong, Chikuma?” Madoka-san asked him, confused. Whatever it was, it didn’t seem like he was going to give it up. Madoka-san looked at me and then Mizuto.
She walked towards me. “Did it all work out?” she asked, whispering in my ear.
“At the very least, I think I’ve taken the first step,” I whispered back.
“Oh, great! Hit me up if you ever need more advice! I’m rootin’ for ya!”
Right as she said this, Chikuma-kun kicked her in the calf.
“Ow! Seriously, what’s going on with you, Chikuma? Are you in your rebellious phase or something?” Madoka-san exclaimed.
Chikuma-kun looked first at me, then Mizuto, before hanging his head and pursing his lips. What was going on? Did something bad happen?
“Uh... Wait. Really?” It seemed that something had clicked in Madoka-san after looking at him.
He began rubbing his eyes with his sleeves, still not looking up.
“Well, what can I say? Sorry, kid...” Madoka-san was a real sister to be able to understand what was going on with Chikuma-kun without him saying anything. She hugged him and patted him on the back.
“It’s okay Chikuma. These kinds of experiences will make you into a better man. You won’t turn out like my loser boyfriend!” She chuckled, comforting the quietly crying Chikuma-kun.
“What do you think happened? Why is he crying?” I whispered in Mizuto’s ear.
“No clue...”
Apparently, we had a long way to go before becoming true siblings, but that worked for me.
◇
Saying goodbye to everyone was a quick and simple affair.
“Bye, now! Can’t wait to see you all again! Come on. You too, Chikuma.”
“...”
“How long are you gonna sulk for?” Madoka-san asked. “If you don’t say something now, you’re gonna regret it. Don’t you wanna stay in contact?”
Before getting into their car, Chikuma-kun was ushered forward by Madoka-san until he stood in front of me. He glanced at my face and then immediately looked away. He repeated this over and over again until finally...
“U-Um...” he started.
“Yes? What is it?”
“Can I... Can I still ask you for advice...?”
He must’ve wanted to get advice from a fellow shy person, so of course, I already knew my answer.
“Of course! Message me whenever!”
Chikuma-kun’s face turned red. “Th-Thank you very much!” he said in a surprisingly loud voice. He bowed his head and ran back to Madoka-san.
“Good job! You shouldn’t get your hopes up, though. It’s just gonna hurt more later.”
Chikuma-kun groaned as if he was in pain.
“S-Sorry! The pain’s still fresh. I’ll stop teasing you for a bit, okay?”
The two of them got in the car and drove off to the station. After paying our respects to the Tanesato graves, we also got ready to leave.
“Thanks so much for coming out, Yume-chan! Please take good care of Mizuto,” Natsume-san said, beaming at me.
“He’s a lot stronger than you think. He’d be fine even if I wasn’t around,” I said, smiling back at her.
“Oh, is that so?”
“Still, I’ll take good care of him. He gets lonely surprisingly easily,” I responded in a low voice, ensuring that he couldn’t hear.
“You’ve put my mind at ease.” Natsume-san grinned.
I walked to the car where Mizuto was standing.
“What were you talking to her about?” he asked suspiciously.
“What do you think?” I asked, tilting my head and looking right at him.
Mizuto took a step back. “Okay... There’s something wrong with you. Did something inside you snap or something?”
“There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m acting perfectly normal. Maybe your information’s outdated.”
“Huh?”
“We’re ready to leave, kids,” Mineaki-ojisan called from the car.
I reached for the car door, but right before I did, I turned around and faced my ex, my stepbrother, and the person I was currently in love with.
“You don’t have to worry about me. We’re stepsiblings, Mizuto-kun,” I said with a very sarcastic smile.
“Right... Of course we are, Yume-san.”
The past was the past. We’d never get back the happiness we’d shared when we were dating, but that didn’t mean that this was the end of our story. If anything, this was like an announcement for a new book in our series. What was going to happen? Well, we’d just have to wait and see.
Isana Higashira
When I returned to the living room, Mizuto-kun was fast asleep on the couch. Hm? Why is he asleep? I tilted my head as I recollected the events of the day. I’d visited his home in order to watch Your Name together. After the film ended, his eyelids had certainly seemed heavy; however, I could have sworn that he’d chosen Yume-san’s thighs as his pillow. Now, where exactly had she disappeared to?
I tilted my head again and approached the couch. As I peered down at Mizuto-kun, deep in his peaceful slumber, I was reminded of a certain story—that of Snow White, who succumbed to the poison of the evil witch and fell into a deep slumber. Only the kiss of the prince could free her from the spell. Hm... If that’s the case, then... If I kiss Mizuto-kun, he’ll immediately wake up.
I’d once been warned by Yume-san not to so easily indulge in my impulses; however, she was nowhere to be seen. I was but a vehicle without any brakes. You can’t be this defenseless. If you let your guard down this easily, you’re going to be eaten up. Are you okay with that?
He certainly wasn’t inviting me to do this, was he? Perhaps because he was the one who’d rejected me, he was too embarrassed to say it outright, so his only resort was to dole out indirect hints, nudging me to take action.
I’m fully aware that I’m making up an excuse to cover for the fact that I’m unable to restrain myself. In all fairness, though, how was I supposed to show any restraint? His lips seemed so thin and soft. They were as beautiful as a girl’s. No matter how wrong I knew I was, my face felt as if it was being sucked in.
I felt his soft breath against my face. My heart was beating so quickly, it felt like it could explode at any second. I may have been even more nervous than when I’d confessed to him. Please praise me, Mizuto-kun. Praise me for having enough restraint not to use my tongue. Also, if I may be so impudent as to ask, please don’t open your eyes for just another second. As long as you don’t, I will be able to have my first kiss...
“Just kidding!” I deleted what I’d written on my tablet after quickly getting embarrassed.
I exhaled and stared at the ceiling of my room. Hm... Writing about real people is quite embarrassing. I’d planned on following that scene up with a very hot and steamy situation, but...perhaps not.
I’d only begun writing this story because I’d believed I could get a grip on the feelings inside me revolving around what “could have been” that day. However, I realized now that this was not an avenue I could pursue. I was fully aware of how pathetic I was.
The truth was that I had returned to the living room when Yume-san wasn’t around. As soon as I tried to approach him to maybe kiss him though, I knew I couldn’t, even if it may have very well been my only chance at my first and last kiss. However, kissing a person while they’re unconscious is a crime.
I heavily exhaled. Can Mizuto-kun return from his family trip already? I miss you. Where are you? I cannot sleep; I cannot dream tonight. Perhaps I should refrain from referencing an older song like this because it made me seem older than I actually was. All of my many followers that I definitely had and were absolutely nonfictional would say that I was showing my age with this reference. However, could I really be blamed for older generations quoting it so much?!
“Mizuto-kun...” I gripped my pillow and rolled around on top of my bed.
Mizuto-kun was my friend. Whenever I thought of him, though, my heart would race. What should I talk to him about tomorrow? Should I ask him if he read that book yet? Whether he enjoyed it? I was fairly convinced that the feelings inside me were romantic, but I was at a loss. Why was it that the idea of being his girlfriend had lost its appeal, compared to when Minami-san and Yume-san were helping me? After all, was there really such a big difference between being a friend and a romantic companion?
Friends could spend time together, hang out, have fun, and be happy together. Friends didn’t break up like romantic partners. The only downside to friendship was that you could not engage in any lascivious activities. Although, there were certain types of friends that might still engage in them...
Regardless, I’d come to a realization. As apologetic to Yume-san and Minami-san I felt, I’d been enjoying myself much more as his friend than I had when trying to become his girlfriend. The road to enticing him to accept me as his romantic companion meant that I’d needed him to become infatuated with me. I’d have had to pretend to be someone he desired to go out with. He’d never see me for who I was. Continuing that pursuit would’ve been so tiring. I’d much rather keep things as they were. I was enjoying myself much more now, anyway.
I wasn’t nervous around him. I had no need to worry about not getting my makeup right, because Mizuto-kun didn’t care in the slightest. I had no need to worry about the gender barriers between us either. More than anything, I could act as I wanted to without holding back. I no longer had the pressure of confessing. I could just continue knowing that my love was one-sided.
I had no problem if he never ended up feeling the same way about me. After all, I was very much enjoying how things currently were—fantasizing, stealing glances at his face, and my heart racing uncontrollably. It was even fun to joke about my broken heart and see him get flustered. I had an endless supply of scenes with the guy I was interested in. Isn’t that fun?!
In all likelihood, I probably did not have a broken heart. This one-sided crush of mine was more than likely the form of love most suited to me. I was a true normie. If I could ask for one wish to be granted, I’d ask to stay Mizuto-kun’s friend forever. I wouldn’t mind if he got a girlfriend. If he did, I was sure that she’d be just as precious as he.
So, if I had one wish, I’d wish that this one-sided crush could last forever.
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