6
—Let’s try to find Reid’s book in Taygeta.
That was Subaru’s suggestion for the immediate problem in front of them: how to clear the second floor.
“…His book? …But we don’t have an inkling how?”
“Ha-ha, good one, Emilia-chan.”
“Subaru!”
Emilia’s cute cheeks flushed in anger at Subaru’s reaction. While still reveling in how adorable she could be, Subaru looked at the rest of the group.
“I think Reid’s book of the dead is probably going to be the fastest guide for how to clear the second floor. What do you think?”
“I asked this before, but how?” Emilia cocked her head. “I’m not against searching for a book. But we don’t know how to search for it. And…”
“…Is Reid Astrea’s book really in that archive?” Julius finished the thought.
Having drawn everyone’s gaze, Julius turned his eyes, framed by long eyelashes, upward. As if looking through to the second floor beyond the ceiling.
“It’s difficult to believe, but Reid Astrea, the great hero whose name was engraved in history, is waiting on the second floor for us to take on the challenge he has termed an examination. Reid Astrea is a man who lived four hundred years ago, and yet there is no doubt that the person waiting above is that very same person… But now there is reason to question his death.”
“Seeing how lively he is makes you question whether he actually died, right? I hadn’t really thought about that, but it’s a good question…”
In truth, the reason Subaru assumed he’d died was because of what they had said. If he hadn’t known the man’s backstory, he would never have believed that Reid was dead. He was brimming with way too much vitality for that. No dead guy was that energetic.
“I think it’s safe to ignore that line of thought. I can’t imagine anyone could live for hundreds of years, so he should just be dead. Right, Beatrice?”
“You cannot be so sure, I suppose. Despite appearances, Betty is four hundred years old.”
“And I’m around one hundred, I think?” Emilia said, chiming in.
“Same here. Considering when I came into being, I’m probably around four hundred years old? Though I haven’t been awake that long,” Echidna offered.
“Me too! Me too, Master! I’ve been waiting in vain for four hundred years! I was so lonely! I demand four hundred years’ worth of hugs!”
“That’s an awful lot of super-long-lived characters?! And you too, Emilia-chan?!”
He had been looking for confirmation, but what he got instead was an unexpected series of contradictions. He had not expected half the party to be centenarians. He had to mentally reset the group’s average age by more than a few decades. But in a way, it also made sense.
“R-right. Emilia-chan is a half-elf…that also explains her peerless beauty. Half-elves being long-lived and beautiful is a standard trope.”
“Umm, y-yeah… Are you not scared of half-elves without your memory?”
“I guess if we’re talking scary, then you are scary cute. Looks like that could kill for real. If I saw you with my guard down while waking up, I might go blind forever. Even now, my eyes are watering.”
“Mrgh…dummy…”
Emilia’s cheeks turned just a little bit red as she got mad at Subaru. The mood was starting to get a little weird, so he warned himself not to misunderstand her kindness.
Be still, my heart. Well, you don’t have to, I guess, but…
“Ha…on the other hand, you’re more of a relief, Beatrice. Like coming home for the holidays.”
“That’s not very satisfying…but you’re patting Betty’s head, so I’ll let it pass.”
His heart, which was racing because of Emilia, calmed down as he patted Beatrice. And she seemed satisfied with it, too, so two birds with one stone.
“If you don’t mind,” Echidna said while raising her hand. “I can understand Julius’s concern, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say Reid is dead. That’s just my impression from interacting with him, though.”
“Based on what?”
“First of all, like Natsuki said, I can’t imagine Reid Astrea is that long-lived a creature. He is definitely someone who defies logic in many ways, but he’s still a human. And second, his personality.”
“Personality? Like how he was really lively?”
“More uninhibited than lively. Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t imagine him patiently waiting here in this tower for four hundred years. I have to assume he’d be gone in three days,” Echidna said with a shrug.
Subaru and Emilia both understood what she meant. Judging by everyone’s reaction, that was a persuasive observation.
“Again, that’s just my impression of the man. Is that convincing enough for you, Julius?”
“I cannot help but agree. In truth, considering the way he behaves, he is not the sort of person who would be satisfied remaining in any one place for long. If there were a reason why he must remain here nonetheless, then it would be that the current him is bound to the tower’s examination…would be my guess.”
“He’s bound to the tower, huh.”
Subaru remembered the final scenes of the last loop as he listened to Echidna and Julius explain their theories.
Reid Astrea walking freely around the tower during the chaos, doing as he pleased. That didn’t feel like someone whose freedom was restricted. In fact, if it were not for his one lingering regret, he would definitely have just cheerfully walked away from the tower.
The reason he didn’t is…
“—? What is it? Something about me?”
“No…”
“Humph. I believe I still have eyes, ears, a nose, and a mouth on my face, but is there something abnormal?” Julius asked.
“Yeah, unlike Emilia-chan, you aren’t cute, so you don’t make the cut. But anyway…” Subaru turned the conversation back to Reid’s book. “So, if we’re all on the same page about him being a lively dead guy, then let’s get back to the topic. Taygeta is filled with books of the dead, right?”
“At present, that is our understanding,” Ram answered. “Those who read them experience the memories of the dead person… That much was confirmed by you and Julius. Unfortunately, you seem to have forgotten it, though.”
“I said I’m sorry already, so don’t keep holding a grudge over it. Anyway, that’s the focus here.”
Snapping his fingers, he pointed at Ram. Apparently not liking the gesture, Ram grabbed his fingers and twisted, giving him a sharp taste of pain.
Meanwhile, Beatrice softly raised her voice.
“Ah. So that’s what you mean!”
“You understand what he wants to say, Beatrice?” Emilia asked.
“Betty does. Ah, so that’s it. In other words, Subaru wants to use Reid’s book of the dead to reveal the best way to defeat him.”
“That’s right.” Subaru nodded while shaking his aching fingers.
“Ohhh.” Emilia’s purple eyes widened.
—They could use the book of the dead to figure out how to fight the legend.
Put simply, each person’s book of the dead contained their memories of their life, but it could also be thought of as a strategy guide explaining in detail how they died.
And as a veteran of death who had already been through it four times, Subaru knew firsthand it wasn’t easy to avoid the cause of your death.
“So, if we read his book of the dead, we can find out exactly how he died. It’s a great tool for solving his puzzle. In a roundabout sense, that might even be why the books of the dead are here.”
“I…hadn’t considered that.” Echidna’s eyes widened. “But now that you mention it, that is true. A dead person was intentionally set as the examiner, after all. It wouldn’t be strange if that was why Taygeta exists.”
“I mean, you don’t have to take it that seriously…”
When Echidna seemed more impressed than he expected, Subaru smiled awkwardly. It was one of those situations where it was hard to say if this was the intended path or a loophole.
“But one thing I can say for sure…whether it’s the old me or the me here and now: This is a plan I absolutely want to try.”
“…That makes sense, I suppose. There is no way you wouldn’t find this sort of loophole.”
“An unorthodox back door, rather than coming from the front. That is certainly something Barusu would try. I can believe it, too.”
“Mm-hmm. Subaru is really good at that sort of flimflam.”
“That’s a word you don’t hear much nowadays…” Subaru scratched his cheek a bit at their unwavering evaluation of the man named Subaru Natsuki, when Emilia’s eyes suddenly glimmered.
“—!”
He was surprised by how strong her reaction seemed to be, but she immediately pinched her cheek.
“Ugh, nope, nope. The person who’s struggling the most right now is Subaru. I have to get ahold of myself…”
“Lady Emilia, I understand how you must be feeling, but your cheek is getting red.”
Taking Emilia’s hand, Ram cautioned her.
For a while now, Emilia and Beatrice had been having some weirdly extreme reactions, but that was probably because they were sensing traces of the Subaru Natsuki they knew and loved.
Meili put her hand to her mouth when she heard what Subaru was thinking.
“…Right, last night, I saw you with lots of books spread out around you in Taygeta. Was that why?”
“Yesterday, huh…? Incidentally, could you tell how many books I read?”
“Ummm…I don’t know that much. Sorry.”
Sitting on Shaula’s lap, Meili scratched her head and looked down.
“Don’t worry about it.” Subaru waved his hand.
Using not his, but her memories—Meili’s memory that he experienced from her book of the dead—he came to the same conclusion.
“Many books, you say…? I should like to hope not, but you won’t wind up saying you ran out of space for your own memories from reading too many books of the dead, will you?”
“I sincerely hope not, but I can’t say for sure. You know, since I forgot!”
Julius shook his head wearily as Subaru proudly pointed to himself.
He had gotten pretty used to being generally defiant, but he also didn’t actually doubt that his memory loss was connected to the books. That is why, if they did find Reid’s book of the dead, he believed it should be him, and not anyone else, who read it. He had lost his memory already, so it wouldn’t be too crushing if he lost it again—Though I have too many important memories I can’t afford to lose now.
“ ”
Everything that had happened in the last loop and everything that had happened before that loop, too. And the things he had decided in his heart during this loop. His promise to Ram, and his vow to Meili.
He had only repeated a day or so four times, and he was already carrying armfuls of memories he wouldn’t allow himself to forget.
That was why memories were precious.
They aren’t something you can afford to forget.
“—Anyway, if Reid’s as big a legend as you all say, then that’s perfect. Someone who’s that big a hero would have stories of his great feats and failures passed down through the generations. So his defeat is just the price of his fame… That’s a new kind of weakness, isn’t it?”
“…I understand Barusu’s aim. And I accept it. That doesn’t mean I do not have any concerns, though,” Ram said.
“It’s worth trying, at least,” Echidna agreed. “However, even knowing that, I can’t help but feel reluctant to take on that massive archive.”
“That’s…true…”
Subaru totally understood their concerns.
If Taygeta really did cover every dead person in this world, it wouldn’t be hyperbolic to say there were as many books as there were stars in the sky. Singling out the one book they wanted was like looking for a needle in the desert.
But there was also a ray of hope. And the source of that hope was none other than Subaru’s memory loss.
“If my guess is right, and reading books of the dead is what caused me to lose my memory…then that would mean I read someone’s book of the dead.”
“Umm…yes, it would. With the books there, if the name isn’t someone you know, then for whatever reason, the information won’t come into your head.”
“…Barusu struck gold on a second book in that enormous library? Or possibly even more than that? That sort of luck…is impossible.”
“Yeah, I don’t think I’m that lucky, either!”
Considering everything he had been through, his spring of luck must have finally run dry. Or maybe he had used it all up with meeting them in this world.
“Either way, it wasn’t luck. Which would mean maybe I devised some kind of system. If we could figure that out, it would speed up searching for any books we want.”
“…What then? Given your current condition, even if we found a book of the dead with a name we know…,” Echidna admonished.
“I know. Reid is the priority here, and everything else comes second… But there are other books we would want to see if we knew how to find them.”
Subaru glanced at Meili. When she heard that, her lips trembled slightly.
“Mister, are you…?”
“I told you. I’m going to do everything in my power to raise you right. I’m not one to talk, but you’re really bad about asking for what you want.”
“ ”
Meili poked her fingers together and blushed.
Unfortunately for her, she couldn’t really hide things from Subaru. The whole reason she had seen Subaru in Taygeta last night was because she had been looking for a book of the dead there herself.
Finding the book she wants is just a little side quest.
“You’re really, really, really mean… Petra must be blind.”
“I keep hearing that name, but you’re really letting her have it…”
He couldn’t say whether it was just awkward embarrassment on Meili’s part or genuine insults, but either way, it was a cute, childish sort of resistance.
Interpreting Meili’s lack of objection as tacit agreement, he added a new goal to the Taygeta quest list and—
“I want to be clear here. I think we should go up to the Taygeta archive. Reading Reid’s book of the dead is the best thing we can do.”
“It’s ironic that Natsuki losing his memory would provide a basis for action. I can’t really see what sort of plan this actually entails, but only a fool makes excuses before trying.”
“Yes! Subaru’s right. If that’s what we need to get through this tower, then let’s do it!”
Echidna and Emilia both stood. Drawn by them, Beatrice and Ram, Meili and Shaula also rose. Subaru clapped his knees and stood and looked at Julius, who was slow to move.
“What is it? Do you have an objection?”
“…No, we do not have any other solution. I acknowledge your proposal makes sense.”
“But you still have reservations?”
“…This is merely my own problem. Pay it no heed.”
Slowly shaking his head, Julius stood.
Being told not to worry made it impossible for Subaru to actually not worry about it, so he felt more than a little concerned, but…
“I’ll save it for later. Also, book of the dead aside, how famous is Reid anyway? He seems like a wild dude.”
“For having lost your memories, it seems a lot has remained. I guess he left a strong impression… Reid Astrea is one of the three great heroes who defeated the Witch.”
“Sage Shaula, Holy Dragon Volcanica, and Sword Saint Reid…”
“Not me. Master’s the Sage.”
“By your logic, I’m a few hundred years old, too? I spent way too long between leaving the convenience store and waking up this morning…”
Taking Shaula’s words with a pinch—or perhaps a mountain—of salt, Subaru delved a bit more into the legend of Reid. Emilia and the others glanced at Julius. Noticing their intent, he touched his bangs.
“There is not enough time to go through all the legends that Reid Astrea left in various lands. The most famous are…the battle where he slayed one hundred dragons and his record of six thousand victories and no defeats in the arena on Gladiator Island. There are also odder ones, such as how he is said to have defeated a being called a demon god in a drinking competition.”
“They all sound really absurd, but having seen him…”
“It feels like they are not exaggerations. Indeed. Knowing his strength as I do, he is undoubtedly…no.”
“—?”
“To the best of my knowledge, most of his stories tell of his unreasonable achievements. I do not recall any records of his personality or of any normal, human sorts of failures or defeats.”
Brushing his hair aside, Julius concluded his impressive display of knowledge.
Subaru shuddered just a little bit at the fact that even the records said the man had never lost. It would make sense if the stories of his defeats simply hadn’t survived into the modern day, but what if he really never lost?
Subaru trembled at the thought of an entire life without ever experiencing defeat and at the fact that it seemed entirely possible if it was Reid.
“And with that, we made it.”
As the conversation dropped, they reached the room containing the stairway to Taygeta.
Up those stairs, an archive filled with books of the dead awaited them, but…
“—Ram, could I leave everyone else to you for a moment? I want to talk with Julius for a moment.”
“With Julius?”
Ram furrowed her brow at Subaru’s request.
Julius was surprised as well, but for the moment, he didn’t say anything. Ram’s pink eyes narrowed, peering into Subaru’s black eyes. After a brief moment, she sighed.
“Do not take too long. If we’ve all lost our memory like you by the time you make it up, it’ll be too late.”
“Don’t say scary things like that. I wouldn’t mind seeing if you were more gentle and refined after losing your memory, but…”
“I have no intention of forgetting anything else.”
“…Yeah. If you find a weird book, don’t get too close to it.”
Ram shrugged and led the rest of the group up the stairs.
He was reasonably confident that he could leave things in her capable hands. In that sense, he trusted Ram the most out of everyone in the party.
“Natsuki.”
The women followed Ram’s lead up the stairs to the next floor. Echidna, at the tail, called out to Subaru after putting her foot on the first step. Her blue-green eyes wavered slightly.
“Be gentle.”
With that, she slowly started up the stairs, too. Watching her leave, Subaru scratched his head.
She probably figured out why I kept Julius back.
When the two of them were alone at the bottom of the stairs, Julius broke the silence.
“So, what did you wish to discuss? If you have gone so far to distance Lady Emilia and the others, it must be quite pressing.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” Subaru answered evasively.
“That is a rather inarticulate response.”
“What I want to say is difficult to put in words. That’s all.”
Subaru made a mess of his black hair as Julius stood in front of him, back to the stairs.
The main reason for calling Julius out and leaving the others to search for the book was because there was clearly a way to take down Reid Astrea.
—During the end of the last loop, when it turned into a free-for-all in the tower, Reid’s one lingering regret was wanting a fight with Julius.
But Subaru couldn’t understand the reason. From what he had heard, Julius had fought Reid once before and been almost immediately defeated. I can get a loser fixating on the person who beat them, but the opposite is…
“Subaru?”
“Ah. What do you think of Reid? Do you like him?”
“…Is there a meaning in that question?”
“No, just a jab to lighten the mood. My real question is a little different. —Put it this way.” Subaru closed one eye. “Do you think you can win against Reid?”
“—!”
Julius’s yellow eyes widened. Seeing the unmistakable agitation in his gaze, Subaru took a short breath. On the one hand, this reaction was expected, but on the other, it also made him want to go Give me a break.
“Setting aside whether you recognize it yourself or not…it’s understandable that you might feel scared in a situation like this. Once you get a habit of losing, it’s hard to break it.”
“Subaru, what are you…?”
“Sorry. If I’m being honest, I think it would be best to take as long as possible to get you back on your feet again. I do. But we don’t have the time. You understand, right?”
Julius’s expression stiffened, and he caught his breath.
“We don’t have the time” has a different meaning for me than for him. But even so, we should feel this same sort of impatience. Or rather, Subaru had been forced to understand it.
It was something that the old Subaru Natsuki couldn’t have said out of concern for a man who was hurt and had not noticed his own unease.
—This Subaru Natsuki would do what the other Subaru Natsuki could not.
“I’ll be blunt, Julius. Because right now, I’m invincible.”
“Invincible…that’s a rather bold statement.”
“Nothing is holding me back, so I can make a big leap. I can’t keep watching you shrinking back when you look at me, when you look at Echidna, when you talk about Reid. I’m the type who can’t let things go, either, so I’m not one to talk, but ignoring all that for the moment, I’ll be blunt.”
“—I’m listening.”
Taking a deep breath, Julius adjusted his posture and looked right at Subaru.
Meeting his gaze head-on, Subaru continued.
“That is one thing, and this is another.”
Subaru spread his hands to the left and right.
“—What?”
Julius looked taken aback by his brazen statement.
“I get why you feel awkward when you look at me. The me up to today probably did something to you. Whatever he did hasn’t disappeared from the world, but it has disappeared from my head.”
“I…yes. That much is true. However, I…”
“Hear me out. Because of that, you and me, we’re going to have to build our relationship up from the beginning again. At least you and the current me have to do that. Forget past me for now.”
Julius couldn’t recover from the wave of turmoil that had swallowed him up, and that blunt reasoning wasn’t doing it for him.
It was a terribly forced logic. Subaru was decidedly not conveying all of what he wanted to say.
In truth, he was using the old Subaru Natsuki’s achievements and taking advantage of the influence they gave him over Emilia, Beatrice, Julius, and the rest of the party. Right now, he was asking for permission to use the good part of that influence and ignore the bad part.
Because—
“You’re the strongest person in our party. So you’re the one who’s going to have to duke it out with Reid. Even if we do find the strategy guide, we’re going to have to count on you for the actual fighting.”
Of course, part of it was that Reid had some sort of fixation with Julius and wanted to go at it with him. But even without that, Subaru had no intention of yielding on this point. Considering how Emilia had already made it through, there was no one else who could do it other than Julius.
“I can understand being scared. I can understand being bewildered. And I’m really sorry for whatever the past me did. But with all that in mind…I need you to focus up and fight.”
“…I have already lost to him twice.”
“I know. But win the next match.”
That was one more loss than Subaru had known about. But it didn’t matter anymore. It was just one more thing in the pile.
“The calculation gets messed up if you don’t win. I thought of a lot of different matchups in my head, but us guys have to do whatever we can before asking the girls to fight. That would be a disgrace for a knight.”
Subaru clenched his fist and held it out.
“—A disgrace. The current me is…a disgrace of a knight…,” Julius murmured softly, lowering his gaze.
Subaru had hit him with a stunning, bewildering, hurtful, gut-punching logic that grabbed Julius by the chest and shook him, leaving him adrift.
And at the end of it all, Julius’s mask of elegance cracked…
“As Ms. Ram said, it is difficult to believe that you have really lost your memories. Or are you just pretending to have lost your memory in order to encourage me after I lost my nerve?”
“At the cost of darkening Emilia-chan’s smile? Dumbass. I wouldn’t do something that roundabout! Besides, even if I didn’t do that, you wouldn’t run away. You’d fight for everyone.”
“That is…contradictory. You were just trying to steel my timid heart.”
“No. It’s not that. What you’re missing isn’t courage. You’ve got the courage right there.” Subaru took a step forward, pressing his fist against Julius’s chest. “What’s missing is determination. The will not to lose.”
Julius took a sharp breath.
“ ”
Subaru wasn’t lying.
He had seen it in the last loop. Julius had held on to his sword, even in that desperate situation with demon beasts and Reid all around him, entrusting things to Subaru without averting his eyes to the despair in front of him.
There was no other way to interpret that line except as him saying “Leave this place to me.”
He had said it in the direst of moments.
Leave Reid Astrea to me.
And that was the last of him Subaru saw.
So…
“…I didn’t see the end. And I don’t remember what happened before today. So I haven’t once seen you lose to Reid.”
Julius Juukulius had not lost. This knight, this man had never once lost in front of this Subaru Natsuki. So no matter what anyone else might say, Subaru Natsuki wouldn’t entrust this fight to anyone else. He would continue to expect Julius Juukulius to defeat Reid Astrea.
“I’m leaving Reid Astrea to you. You defeat the most dangerous enemy. In exchange, I…in my own way, I’ll do my best to take care of everything else.”
“ ”
“I can’t hear you, Julius. Answer your pal’s expectations.”
Subaru’s fist hit Julius’s chest again. The last time was for entrusting his expectations, this time it was for hammering home a powerful hope.
Julius touched his chest and let out a long, deep sigh.
“…How can you have such high expectations of me, if you’ve forgotten everything before today?”
“It’s…your image. The impression you give off. The way you look and talk and carry yourself. The things you have and your clothes, the way you eat and walk. Just the overall effect of everything.”
Unable to talk about what had happened during the last loop, Subaru clutched his own chest and struggled to answer.
By chance, Subaru and Julius both held a hand to their chests as they faced each other. Julius kept his hand on his chest while straightening his back and slowly bending at the waist.
It was a beautiful, natural bow, like a knight in a story.
“Impression, huh?”
“Y-yeah. The way you look, everything about you makes me feel that way.”
“I see… My appearance made you think that.”
Julius’s tone shifted as his head remained bowed.
Thus far, his tone had sounded like he had been forced to face something tender to the touch, but now just a faint trace of vitality returned. Some flexibility and warmth had taken root.
That was the impression Subaru had as Julius raised his head and looked forward.
And…
“Forgotten by the world, unable to confirm the existence of my own master, and then forgotten even by you, the only one who remembered me…I have been unsure of where I stand. However, even in this state, I have not lost everything that I strove for. That’s what you are saying.”
“I didn’t come close to being that classy, but that’s the gist of it.”
Julius had taken Subaru’s clumsy, not fully coherent words and given them a polished, intelligent form.
Subaru had thought he wouldn’t be able to convey 100 percent of what he wanted to say, but it felt like Julius had managed to come surprisingly close.
“It’s a bit abstract and kind of heavy on gut instinct, but it felt like the problem was a mental one, so I guess it worked?”
“Ha. Why are you timid now? Weren’t you supposed to be invincible?”
“I mean even after you grab the star, you’ll still die if you fall in a hole…”
Julius furrowed his brow at that indecipherable explanation, but he didn’t probe it further. When it came to that, from his interaction with the Subaru Natsuki of yesterday, he seemed to have an understanding that meaningless jokes could be ignored. What a weird understanding.
Either way…
“Feeling a bit more positive?”
“That’s hard to say. In essence, your words didn’t offer any solid advice and were mostly an appeal to emotion. And it’s not as though anything has changed dramatically.”
“You…”
“However…” Julius’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Subaru. And then his lips relaxed into a slight smile. “That is one thing, and this is another.”
And he ended the conversation with a turn of phrase that was rather unlike him.
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