CHAPTER 3
A DISEASE CALLED DESPAIR
1
—He’d been betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed. Betrayed.
“Rem, you idiot…!”
When Subaru read the letter accompanying the bag left for him, he spat in irrepressible rage.
He was sitting on a hard sofa in a lounge on the first floor of the inn. No one else was around. The reason for that was his prolonged, violent behavior. The innkeeper who’d led him to the lounge hadn’t even been able to look him in the eye when answering his questions.
A wise decision. That moment, anyone who appeared in Subaru’s line of sight was his enemy.
“And I thought…at least you understood me…!”
The letter was written completely in carefully penned I-script. Subaru, who was still learning the written language, couldn’t read anything except I-script characters. Rem had been considerate in that sense, but in light of her abandonment of him, that only shoved Subaru’s heart deeper into darkness.
The letter overflowed with concern for Subaru’s well-being, but so much sadness filled his head that he had no chance to realize that. He gleaned only one thought from reading the letter.
“Even you think I’m useless and powerless, Rem…”
His conversations at the Crusch residence, his dialogue with Rem the previous night, and Emilia’s lecture in the royal capital came rushing back to him. Words upon words piled on him in their voices, berating Subaru for his helplessness and incompetence. He’d brushed them all aside and seized the perfect opportunity to prove to them Subaru Natsuki’s value—or so he had thought. He’d thought that at least Rem believed he was worth something, yet…
“Yeah, I get it…! You’re tellin’ me that I’m dead weight, so you’re cutting me loose… And if I don’t believe you, you want me to look at how much I’ve been relying on you…!” Subaru spat, clenching his teeth as he rose to his feet.
The luggage and the allowance Rem had left were lined up on the table in the lounge. There was quite a lot of money in the sack. Apparently Roswaal had left a small fortune in Rem’s hands. With that much money at his disposal, Subaru wouldn’t have any trouble with daily necessities for quite some time. He knew that was exactly what Rem had in mind when she left it with him.
She underestimated him. Did she really think she could betray his trust, leave him with nothing but money, and expect him to meekly kneel and submit? There was no way he’d do as she pleased.
No, Subaru was coming up with all kinds of ways he could use money to break the stalemate.
“If I hire a dragon carriage and driver, I might be able to get to the mansion… That said…”
Rem had made careful preparations to trip up any such plans Subaru might have. According to the innkeeper, that village didn’t have any establishment that could lend a dragon coach. In addition, the appearance of the “fog” had thrown off the schedules of carriages that regularly connected the various villages.
There was no dragon coach at any price. No doubt Rem had begun planning everything out as soon as they’d lodged at that village inn the night before. It was as if she was laughing at Subaru’s paper-thin knowledge, politely smashing his options flat one by one…all to strand him in that village and stop him from returning to the mansion.
“Then I’ll just have to hoof it… That’s stupid. I don’t have a map, and I can’t deal with monsters.”
If bandits or demon beasts appeared, that chapter would be over. He’d seen world maps several times over, but he didn’t know the local lay of the land. Wandering around aimlessly would reduce his chances of arriving at the mansion to practically zero.
It was all a result of his own ignorance. Subaru’s lack of education and strength kept letting him down.
He had never anticipated having to deal with bandits and demon beasts to begin with.
The fact that he’d never carried even a single sword on him was proof of that. He’d had Wilhelm instruct him in the art, but he could do nothing with that training if he set out empty-handed.
Subaru hadn’t taken such normal, prudent measures because he was relying on Rem.
The price of an overnight stay at an inn was far less than the fare for a dragon carriage. Even if he had a small fortune, his inability to procure something of value made it worthless.
It was the cost of his lack of education, which was the direct result of Subaru’s letting numerous opportunities to study slip away.
“Well, I can’t help that now. I’ve gotta do what I can with what I have.”
Subaru himself was the root cause of the stalemate keeping him penned in. His knees bounced in annoyance as he tried to pretend he wasn’t well aware of that fact.
“So no hoofing it. I have to get a dragon carriage… There’s gotta be a way. Think.”
Subaru put a hand to his forehead, desperately reviewing everything he’d seen and heard in that world and everything he’d learned from the people in his original world, trying to come up with a plan.
“—”
He ran through every memory and shred of knowledge in his head, focusing all his body’s resources above his neckline. Then he looked at the possibilities that might exist for breaking out of his cage.
“This village…has no establishment that can lend a dragon car riage. The regularly scheduled carriages aren’t available…meaning…”
The village was now occupied by its original residents, travelers who’d arrived by regular carriage, and—
“Maybe there’s someone who came in on their own dragon carriage, like Rem and I did, who stopped over?”
If anyone were to enter and leave the village freely, they would have to have their own means of transportation. That very inn had stables for the use of its guests; his thought couldn’t be far off the mark.
“To have a dragon carriage you’d have to be rich… No, a merchant would be perfect. A merchant who hasn’t settled down is either working for someone else or a peddler going around with a horse-drawn wagon. That’s just basic.”
The lantern light of Subaru’s extinguished hopes began to flicker once more.
To find the right person, Subaru immediately went to the innkeeper and explained. At first, the innkeeper was reluctant, but he introduced several merchants, albeit with a strained expression.
“But most traveling merchants will be intent on shipping goods to their destination. I don’t know if any would be willing to take on someone as a passenger…”
“Well, I’ll give it a try anyway. Thank you very much for telling me about them.”
Thanking the considerate innkeeper, Subaru visited the traveling merchants one by one.
—But in line with the innkeeper’s concerns, negotiations proved very difficult. Just as he had claimed, they had little inclination to alter their travel routes, but the situation was far direr than that. Each and every one responded to Subaru’s suggestion the same way, shaking their heads.
“The Mathers dominion? Sorry, but I can’t go there now,” said a very scrawny man as he ended negotiations with Subaru.
He stood with his canopied dragon coach as his eyes lingered on Subaru with some sympathy.
“I hate to say this, but I don’t think I’ll be the only one saying no. In my case, though, it has to do with the cargo I’m carrying.”
“Cargo?”
“I’m transporting weapons, armor, and other metal wares. Rumor has it prices in the royal capital for this stuff are through the roof, so tomorrow I’m rushing there with my dragon carriage. My profits are on the line.”
The man patted the cargo in his dragon carriage as he spoke, gazing distantly in the direction of the setting sun. Then, when he saw the slump of Subaru’s shoulders, he adjusted the position of his bandanna and said, “There’re a lot of people who use this as a stopover to the royal capital like I do. That’s why this village is pretty well-off for its size. So there’re merchants who come in twos and threes but… They’ll probably all turn you down.”
“…Yeah. You’re the sixth one to say no.”
“That’s because every decent merchant is rushing to the royal capital with revenues on the mind. No way around it. After all, there’s the uproar over the royal selection. Everyone’s caught the scent of gold.”
“So that’s how it is, huh…”
The man’s reply and sober expression made Subaru frown as he surmised the reason for his successive failures—namely, he’d misread the merchants from a business perspective. It wasn’t the prospect of a temporary payday that was luring them to the royal capital but the sight of bigger, longer-term profits. For a trader to abandon such plans to accommodate Subaru would be nothing short of madness.
The merchant continued.
“On top of that, there’re all kinds of fishy rumors about the Mathers dominion flying around. Even if you find someone who’s not heading to the capital for profit, they probably still won’t go.”
“Fishy rumors…? Related to the royal selection, by any chance?”
“Groundless speculation, I think. There’s talk that one of the candidates is a half-demon and the lord of those lands is supporting her… But I haven’t heard the details of the election yet. Do you know anything?”
“…No, I don’t know much about it.”
Subaru lied on the spot because he didn’t want to be exposed as a related party, which would only make negotiations harder. But covering for Emilia’s lineage still left a strange feeling in his heart.
As Subaru grimaced like he’d swallowed a bitter pill, the man suddenly clapped his hands together.
“Oh, that’s right. I just remembered someone who might accept your proposal.”
“Seriously?! I was pretty much at the point of giving up and falling to the dark side here!”
“I’m not sure what you just said, but it’s true. Come on, I’ll introduce you.”
The man patted Subaru’s shoulder with an easygoing look and beckoned him forward. Subaru followed a little behind him until he pointed to a building across the road.
“I’m pretty sure he’s been there since last night. Wait here, I’ll call him over for you.”
The man left through the wide-open double doors as Subaru watched him go, looking up at the sign.
“…I feel like it probably says ‘Tavern’ or something…”
He had only moderate confidence, since the sign he was looking at was written in Ro-script, which he had only just begun to learn. The faint whiff of alcohol wafting from the entrance made Subaru about 89 percent sure he was right.
The energetic way the man headed in suggested the people inside would be troublesome.
“What is this person doing, glugging alcohol when he’s travel ing…? Doesn’t this world have laws against steering dragon carriages while under the influence…? Back in my world, you’d lose your license with one violation.”
Not that he was sure there were dragon carriage licenses to begin with. If the newcomer in question showed up looking drunk and dangerous, Subaru resolved to make a run for it and spend as much money as he needed to do so.
And just as Subaru hardened such tragic resolve, the man came back outside.
“Sorry for the wait. Here he is. Hey, Otto, introduce yourself.”
The man roughly dragged along a young man, practically tossing him forward as they approached. He had gray-colored hair and looked no more than a year or two older than Subaru, though he was a fair bit shorter. He had a slender and fairly symmetrical face.
Subaru deemed that, at the very least, this was not the drunkard he had feared.
“My name’s Subaru Natsuki. Sorry to drag you out here. I heard that you just might accept my request, so… Ughh! You stink! You totally reek of booze!”
His efforts to get negotiations started on the right foot were immediately short-circuited by the scent of alcohol wafting from the other party. The young man before him glowered sullenly, giving off a stench so strong that Subaru’s stomach was on the verge of emptying itself.
He might not look scary or dangerous, but he was a tottering drunkard nonetheless.
“Why hello, hic . Let me introduce myself. My name, hic , is Otto, hic .”
He hiccupped three times during his brief greeting.
His face red from drunkenness, the young man named Otto looked between Subaru and the other man.
“So what is it that y’wanted? Business? Was it business, hic ? My business is, hic , ah-ha-ha-ha, hic . It’s kind of a joke right now, hic .”
Finally, Otto squatted down and suddenly burst into laughter.
Subaru, sensing that was the sound of his hopes grinding to a halt, shot a hard glare toward the man who’d introduced them. On the receiving end of that gaze, the man quickly pointed back at Otto.
“Wait, wait! I didn’t deceive you!”
“If you actually meant for this to be an introduction, I’m seriously doubting your head’s screwed on straight. It’s not fun getting arrested for drunk driving. A student would get sent to the principal just for being in this state.”
Subaru had salivated at the prospect of finding a solution, and yet the man introduced to him was a drunkard.
The man sighed at Subaru’s words and roughly shook the squatting Otto’s shoulders.
“Otto! Hey, get up, damn you! You’re the one who told me to introduce you to anyone who could turn your situation around! What, you’re going to let booze ruin it all?!”
“A way to turn things around—?!”
Otto’s ears quivered, while his eyes, dead until that point, completely changed. With the support of the man’s hand, he rose to his feet, as if his drunken state had never been.
“I have been most impolite. My name is Otto Suwen. I am a humble independent merchant, making his way in life as a traveling peddler.”
Otto faced Subaru and assumed an expression so crisp one could almost hear the snap to attention.
While Subaru was speechless at the instant turnaround, Otto examined him from head to toe.
“I see. It seems that he has a certain degree of status. He certainly has the makings of a good customer. Mr. Kety, thank you very much for introducing us.”
“Sure thing. You’ll be all right from here out, yes? I’ll get going, then. Don’t forget to keep your chin up. And you owe me one, Otto.”
Otto had brightened to the point one would doubt he’d ever been in his drinks, so Mr. Kety patted his chest with relief and departed.
Subaru watched the man who’d made the friendly gesture leave before turning back toward Otto. The young man had scrutinized him and acknowledged him as someone he could do business with.
Otto clapped his hands together, smiling broadly, and began, “Well then, let us talk business… What is it that my customer desires?”
Subaru’s breath caught, knowing he could not let him or that chance escape, and he got down to brass tacks.
“This is a bit of a far-out request to make, but…”
With that preamble, Subaru explained the situation, careful about what not to say. If Otto said no, he was finished. He spoke as naturally as he could despite his tension as he talked business. And then…
After Subaru gave him a simplified explanation of events, Otto thought about it a little, then nodded.
“Mm, I do not mind accepting that at all.”
Hearing his well-formed reply, seemingly coming from an entirely different person than the one brought before him, Subaru grabbed him with both hands in surprise and gave him a good, hard shake.
“Th-thank you! I see, you’ll do it! That would be a huge help! Seriously, a huge help!”
“Oww! Ow, ow, ow! D-don’t squeeze so hard! P-please wait, I’m glad that you are satisfied, but I have conditions, too!”
Otto freed his captured arms from the shaking and retreated a step from Subaru as he spoke.
The word conditions made Subaru tilt his head. Now that his hands were free, Otto gave a light wave.
“My dragon carriage is a resource for my business… Or rather, my lifeline. I cannot part with it lightly. Of course, this will be lending aid rather than formally loaning the carriage, particularly because there are many disquieting things happening in the Mathers lands at the moment.”
“That’s only natural. I won’t go as far as to say you can jack up the price, though.”
Subaru was a little worried that he’d be subject to price gouging. All he could offer was what he had on hand. If that wasn’t enough, he’d have to get the price cut somehow.
Seeing Subaru’s wariness, Otto gently loosened the corners of his mouth.
“I suppose not. Then for all the money you have here…yes?”
And so, Otto struck first in the negotiations, seizing the initiative as he thrust his conditions to the fore. No doubt he’d already deduced from Subaru’s demeanor how much money was in the bag. He pressed his strategy, firmly controlling the pace of negotiations to enhance his own profits even a little, just like a textbook merchant.
It was mouth versus mouth, tongue versus tongue. The battle had begun, a verbal clash pitting the speech and business acumen of both parties against each other—
Well, not quite.
“Is that okay? All right. I’ll hand this bag to you, then. Can we leave right away?”
Shock overcame Otto as Subaru readily handed him the whole bag. The weight of the purse made Otto swallow as he nervously looked at Subaru.
“Wha…? This isn’t how it goes!! Normally, both people lay out their demands and then start the negotiations to find common ground, don’t they?! It’s never this eas—”
“It’d be a waste of time, and I’m not going to win any verbal sparring matches anyway. There’s no meaning in fighting a pointless battle, and if what’s in that bag is enough, you’ll be granting my request regardless.”
If all the money he had on hand resolved everything, it was a bargain as far as Subaru was concerned.
Otto scowled at Subaru’s calm demeanor, probably wondering if he’d been too hasty.
“This is… Perchance I’ve been introduced to a very troublesome individual.”
“Relax. I don’t intend to cause you any trouble. Not on purpose, anyway.”
“Are you aware that the way you phrased that only makes me even more concerned?!”
Even Otto, a man he’d just met, was indignant at his exceedingly unconvincing statements. However, he sighed in apparent resignation and adjusted his grip on the bag in his hands.
“Understood. I presented my condition and you immediately accepted. I do have pride as a merchant, after all. Just allow me to see exactly how much money this… Ehh?! Wh-what is this fortune here?! What are you doing handing off something like this so ea…? Uaaagh.”
Checking the contents of the bag, Otto was so surprised at the amount of money that his nausea returned. As Otto squatted, Subaru stood behind him, clutching a fist as if he finally had hope in his hand.
So many obstacles had been placed in his path, but he’d overcome them all somehow. He still didn’t know the true nature of the obstacle blocking Emilia’s path, but if he stood at her side, he’d no doubt find out. And that was the kind of problem only Subaru could solve.
“Just wait. Soon…soon.”
The twisted smile on Subaru’s lips was plain for anyone to see.
That smile might have come over him from the thought of fulfilling his objective of saving Emilia. Perhaps it had another cause. Even he didn’t know, since he didn’t even realize he was smiling at all.
2
Subaru enjoyed the gentle rocking as he gazed at the rolling landscape.
The sky, on the verge of evening, was dyed orange; soon, night would fall. Normal travelers would be preparing to camp or lodge at a nearby village at that time of day.
It seemed that only the likes of Subaru and Otto would choose to set out when they did.
Otto said, “So the destination is in the Mathers domain, the marquis’s own mansion, on the condition that we ride right through half the night to shorten time as much as possible… I accepted it because a fee is a fee, but this is reckless, you understand?”
“I don’t wanna hear it from a guy who instantly changes his mind at the sight of money. Please. My future’s riding on this.”
“I’ll do my best. My own future is riding on this, too, after all.”
As Otto spoke, he guided the land dragon with the reins as it raced across the ground.
The dragon carriage Otto owned was a large, canopied vehicle for hauling freight, so his land dragon was correspondingly huge and powerful. Subaru was concerned that such an apparently heavy beast would lack in speed, but Otto had explained, “It makes up for that with endurance. This is an especially hardy species even among long-distance land dragons. It could run for three days straight without getting worn out.”
“You’d think running for three days straight would wear out the people riding it instead.”
“Two years ago, I had to do that to not let a particular business opportunity slip. Humans can go through a lot if they’re ready to risk death to achieve it. Having said that, I keeled over just after trade negotiations were over, and I hovered between life and death for about a week afterward…”
“Like you’re ready to risk death, huh.”
As Subaru watched the side of the merchant’s face, Otto looked toward him with a look that seemed to say, “What?” Subaru silently waved him off, averting his eyes to face forward as he put his elbows on his knees and his chin on his hands.
“I’m quite sorry, I never imagined I’d be carrying a passenger, so I never prepared proper seating for one,” Otto said.
“Hey, I’m the one who pushed for this, and I don’t mind a little pain in my butt. That blessing keeping the wind from tossing me around is more than enough for me.”
Otto’s dragon carriage, meant for the simple objective of hauling cargo from place to place, had no extra space for passengers to ride. Naturally, that left Subaru with no choice but to sit next to the other young man on the driver’s seat.
Otto continued, “If you get sleepy, it might be a little rough, but please use the wagon. I have to camp frequently myself, so I have a number of blankets on hand.”
“That’s very gracious of you… So since I don’t have to switch dragon carriages anymore, we can just leave Hanumas aside and keep on going, right?”
“That is correct. As a stopover, Hanumas is more affluent than Fleur, but I have plenty of food and water as it is. This is an urgent request, after all, so we’ll bypass it.”
No doubt he was very accustomed to traveling. Though they had set out on their journey without a plan, Otto didn’t show a single shred of concern as he kept his grip on the reins.
Otto himself had probably already traveled this route several times over. As Subaru watched the side of his face, he sensed a gravitas that belied the great similarity in their ages.
Subaru bit his tongue as he unwittingly compared the difference in experience and courage between them.
“Hey, why did you agree to this, anyway? I have no idea why you said yes.”
“Y-you just came right out and asked a very difficult question, Mr. Natsuki.”
From the side, Subaru saw a strained smile on Otto’s face, but the amiable atmosphere soon returned.
Since he had arrived here, Subaru had rarely been addressed by his family name.
Feeling a bit strange at being called that for the first time in forever, he realized that he’d thrown a fastball straight at something the other party didn’t really want to discuss.
“Well, can’t take it back now… Confess, and things will go easier for you.”
“Yes, Officer. I didn’t mean to do it, honest… Wait, why does this feel like I did something wrong?! I didn’t mean to do it; it was an accident!”
Otto followed up his exaggerated reaction to Subaru’s joking comment by slowly turning his head with a sullen look.
“The wagon behind us is filled to the brim with my cargo… What do you think is inside?”
“…Now that I’m looking at it, seems like vases or something. What, were you carrying artwork?”
“Close, but not quite. What I’m selling isn’t what’s outside but what’s on the inside. The pots are filled with high-quality oil. Originally, I planned to haul these to the northern nation of Gusteko, but…”
Otto’s shoulders slumped, his abject expression making plain that things had not gone as expected.
“I wonder if it is an effect of the royal selection? The path between Gusteko and Lugunica has been temporarily closed. I tried to plead my case that I couldn’t get my goods to market… But they ended up chasing me away with swords.”
In a country as cold as Gusteko, you should be able to make a killing selling oil, but it was more of a great wasteland than a market. To add insult to injury, Otto had sold off metal wares at fire-sale prices to buy the oil he could no longer trade.
As a result, he’d forfeited an excellent chance to sell metal wares on top of losing access to the market where he would have sold the oil instead. This was apparently why he’d drunk himself into a stupor.
“There’s no way I can sell a large amount of oil like this in Lugunica for a fair price, and if I sell it at bargain prices again, I’ll be bankrupt. And so, I was halfway to throwing my life away when you appeared, Mr. Natsuki.”
“And what I paid you makes up for your losses?”
“I can sell all this oil at any price and stay solvent. It will certainly let me keep working.”
Otto clapped his hands together to convey his earnest thanks to Subaru, but Subaru waved off the gesture. “Cut that out.”
He was equally grateful to Otto. If anything, Subaru’s feelings ran even stronger.
For a while, they went back and forth: “It’s all thanks to you,” “No, thanks to you,” “I’m here only because of you,” “Yeah, it’s fate that we both met,” and so on as their bond deepened.
Finally, their casual praises died off, and silence abruptly fell between them.
Subaru’s gaze shifted from the road they were galloping down to the plain, continuing as far as the eye could see, as he murmured, “Hey, Otto. Can’t we cut across this plain?”
Hearing Subaru’s suggestion, Otto slapped his knee as if it was the best joke he’d ever heard.
“My, my. That’s too much, even for a jest. When the fog falls on the plains, that’s where the White Whale appears. It is the most famous of all demon beasts… Should we meet it, our lives will be forfeit.”
“It’s that dangerous? No one tries to put it down?”
“No, because by avoiding the fog, you can also bypass the White Whale, so the damage is minimal. I imagine that is the real reason why it persists to this day.”
In other words, people had tried to subdue the beast and failed, with the damage sustained in the process discouraging further expeditions.
Complicated thoughts enveloped Subaru when he heard the words demon beasts . To him, a demon beast meant an Urugarum, like those he had encountered fairly recently—the same creatures that had gravely injured Subaru and perished at Roswaal’s hands. He had something of a history with them.
Subaru mused aloud, “White Whale…huh. So it’s shaped like a whale and white colored, then?”
“According to witnesses, at least. Apparently it is so enormous that no one has ever seen its full size, and those people were tossing anything and everything aside as they fled for their lives while it rampaged. A frightening story,” Otto concluded. He shut his mouth and would say nothing more. For a merchant like him, the White Whale was no doubt an odious being indeed, since its loitering on these plains for days on end would throw travel schedules into great disarray. Though he would be grateful if someone got rid of it, he had no intention of encountering it himself.
Perhaps Otto’s point of view was common to all merchants.
Subaru changed the subject.
“So how long is it going to take to get to the Mathers dominion at this pace?”
“Hmm, let’s see. Though night is coming, my land dragon has excellent night vision, and there’s no sign of any fog. Plus, I imagine there are no bandits willing to risk their lives by working near the plains right now, so…if things go well, tomorrow morning perhaps?”
After providing that answer, Otto glanced over at Subaru, who raised his eyebrows in response. Otto quickly played innocent, averting his eyes and going, “Ah, nothing.” He soon continued, though. “Our destination is…the mansion of Marquis Roswaal…isn’t it?”
“Yeah, that’s right.”
“The small fortune you paid me… Those clothes must be expensive… This is just between us, but who are you, Mr. Nats uki? Are you…involved with the marquis somehow?”
Subaru understood why Otto harbored such misgivings to the point of meekly raising his doubts. From the merchant’s point of view, Subaru’s identity was a complete mystery, and yet he’d pushed a small fortune into his hands and proposed they rush to the mansion at a time when the rumors swirling around the place were uniformly bad.
“That’s right. I’m involved with Roswaal…the marquis. You might have heard some strange rumors, but I don’t know what’s true or false yet. And I already told you, I don’t intend to cause you any trou—”
“No, no! I’m not worried about that at all! It’s just, uh…that… According to rumor, the good marquis is famous for his…eccentric interests… I was wondering if it is true?”
“…If what is true?”
Subaru inferred from Otto’s equivocation what he wished to ask. Even so, he concealed the hardness of his voice as best he could while prompting Otto to carry on.
“If the good marquis really is backing a young half-elf lady.”
“—”
Figures , thought Subaru, the inside of his chest sinking in dismay. The anxiety in Otto’s voice made it clear that he was nervous to learn the truth. Emilia’s birth was about to be slandered again. Subaru spoke quickly to head off his prejudice.
“Even if I told you no…you’d find out for yourself soon enough. It’s true. The candidate the marquis is supporting is a half-elf. But that girl’s nothing like you all think she…”
“Is that so—I’m so relieved.”
However, Otto’s reaction was not the one Subaru expected.
The merchant lowered his brows and put a hand to his chest in apparent relief. Realizing that Subaru was gaping at him in shock, he smiled awkwardly, visibly embarrassed.
“Ah, ahh… I’m sorry, getting worked up all by myself here. I mean, when I heard those rumors… She seemed an odd person to champion.”
“To champion… Emilia, you mean?”
“Ah, Lady Emilia is her name? Yes, well, you know. A half-elf would have had a hard life until now in various ways. For someone to rise from an unpleasant background and stand as a royal candidate… Yes, it’s very impressive.”
Otto’s eyes were distant as he watched the road, his voice quivering faintly.
Listening to the merchant’s reply, Subaru realized it had thrown him completely off guard. Complex emotions thrashed around in his chest, leaving him unsure of what to say.
Otto, unaware of the chaos in Subaru’s heart, rubbed his nose with a finger as he said, “These might be small concerns compared to those of someone like Lady Emilia, but I know what it’s like to be misunderstood… An odd point of sympathy, perhaps. I think becoming king will be very difficult, but if she tries hard, maybe… Well, I just wanted to ask.”
Otto cut things off there, since going any further would require him to speak more about himself.
Once again, Subaru found himself unable to say a word to Otto. He folded his arms and continued looking downward.
“—”
Normally, Otto’s words would have helped Subaru so much that he’d come right out and thank him.
Emilia had irrational obstacles blocking her path. However, even in a world filled with such problems, it didn’t mean that everyone hated her. Some people in that world, like Otto, would cheer for her when they learned about her background. To Emilia, that fact had to be the greatest silver lining of all.
It had to be, and yet…
“—”
For some reason, Subaru was unable either to communicate his gratitude to Otto or to keep down the incomprehensible aching in his own chest as the dragon carriage continued to sway.
3
“—Mr. Natsuki! Please wake up! We are finally entering the Mathers dominion!”
Subaru, curled up under a blanket in the wagon, opened his eyes as Otto called his name.
He hadn’t been able to sleep much. His head was still hazy when he poked it out of the curtain, and he was greeted by the rays of the morning sun, a line of mountains, and hope.
The sun had risen once again, pouring sunrays down among the mountains and making Subaru squint. In the half day and change that they had spent in their overnight journey, Subaru had arrived back at the Mathers dominion.
“Good job, Otto. Working like a horse while I was asleep like that…”
“Can you not say that as if I have no professionalism here?! More importantly, there is a village named Earlham near Marquis Mathers’s mansion, yes?”
Otto had a map spread across his lap, glaring at it and the road ahead as he asked the question. His eyes were a little bloodshot from the all-nighter, but fortunately, he didn’t seem worn out from it.
“It’s my second all-nighter in a row with some spirits in me in between, but I feel great! If we head straight forward we’ll reach the mansion after all! Fueh-heh-heh!”
“Are you really all right?! You didn’t take some weird drug to forget about being tired or something?!”
“Do not be concerned. Lugunica is a law-abiding country that bans medicines of that nature.”
Subaru warily watched Otto, who seemed to be straddling the line between lucidity and insanity, as his own heart lightened a little at having returned to the Mathers lands.
“I’d love to run straight there without a break, but we might pass by Rem along the way.”
“Nah, I don’t think so. She did have over half a day’s head start on us, after all. More importantly, Mr. Natsuki, shouldn’t you prepare yourself for returning to the mansion? You should comb your hair and so forth.”
Otto raised a hand as he spoke in a half-joking manner. Subaru was putting his hair back in order when his breath caught.
Now that the mansion was so close, right in front of his nose, all the things about a prospective reunion that Subaru had tried not to think about came rushing to him with a vengeance.
He thought it unlikely that she’d simply welcome him back with open arms.
After their parting of ways at the royal capital, he’d deliberately abandoned the half-finished treatment for his gate to return. Rem had surely arrived first, and ignoring her admonishments, too, meant he might have no allies at all.
But whatever they might think of him, even so—
“I came back to do what I have to do. I’m not ashamed of that at all. I’m not wrong about anything.”
He said it to justify it to himself or, perhaps, to make excuses to someone who wasn’t even there. He murmured similar things over and over as if they were the magic words that continued to sustain his spirit.
“—It’s for Emilia’s sake. She can’t get by if I’m not here.”
Such were the arguments that kept Subaru’s fragile mind from crumbling, somehow suppressing the words that would otherwise be ever-present in his memories.
They entered via the highway between the hills, traveling along the road at a safe speed. The road cut through the mountain forests ahead of them, with increasingly familiar scenery. At that pace, it would be less than an hour before they arrived at Roswaal’s mansion.
That was when the carriage’s wheels came to a screeching stop, and the land dragon let out a ferocious sound as it violently clawed at the ground.
“—?! H-hey, Otto?!”
The instant Subaru felt the carriage stop, the land dragon’s blessing must have cut out, since he keenly felt the full impact as the vehicle rocked to the side. Subaru yelped as he was suddenly jostled around inside.
“Otto! What was that just now?! We haven’t gotten there yet, have we? Why’d you stop all of a sudd—?”
Otto held the reins low as he spoke to Subaru without looking at him.
“—Mr. Natsuki. Can we make this as far as I proceed with you?”
For a moment, Subaru couldn’t process what had been said to him, but then he immediately grabbed Otto by his lapel and pulled him close.
“What do you mean? That wasn’t the deal! Damn you, we’ve come this far; don’t cut and run out on me midway. Stay with me until we get to—”
The end , Subaru was going to shout, but his breath caught when he saw that Otto’s face was as white as a ghost. He released the pale-faced merchant, who sat on the driver’s seat and hung his head.
“I am…very sorry. I had intended to remain with you until the end, Mr. Natsuki. Even so, I don’t have the courage to go any farther.”
“What are you going on about? What does this have to do with courage? Just a little farther and we’ll reach the mansion. It’s not like the road is bad. Otto, please!”
“Even if you beg me…I cannot. I don’t need the entire reward. I shall return half to you. Therefore, please allow me to pull out of our deal.”
Otto put his hand on the driver’s seat with a genuinely apologetic look toward Subaru, though still refusing to get into the details. Subaru couldn’t hide his bewilderment at the tragic look in Otto’s eyes.
“What is it, all of a sudden? Did something happen…?”
“My land dragon…is afraid. And it’s not only that. The area around us seems too quiet to me. This is why traveling merchants use land dragons. A land dragon’s instincts tell him about places he mustn’t approach!”
Otto’s hands trembled on top of his lap as he focused on his land dragon. When Subaru peered closer, the land dragon made quiet, ragged breaths as it awaited its master’s command. But the way it was snorting at the direction they were traveling announced loud and clear that it held danger for them. That behavior, and Otto’s trust for his own land dragon, explained where the merchant’s reaction had come from.
Asking Otto and the land dragon to accompany Subaru when none of them had any idea of what situation awaited them—it would have been too cruel to both.
“…Thanks for everything. Sorry to put you through something scary, Otto.”
“—Eh?”
Subaru heard a surprised voice behind him as he hopped off the driver’s seat down to the ground. The land dragon beside him looked back up at Otto, moving a foot around as it silently pled its case.
“I’ll head to the mansion on foot from here. Hey, I’ve come this far; it’s practically right in front of me. You’ve brought me far enough. Take all the money and go.”
“I cannot do such a… No, more importantly, Mr. Natsuki! You mustn’t go! Come back with me! Fog is approaching this place right now!”
“The White Whale’s gonna show up?”
“To a traveling merchant this is a black omen! When fog covers our destination, it is a matter of life and death for us… No, that doesn’t matter here! Anyway, please reconsi—”
“Sorry.”
Subaru wore a pained smile after Otto shouted his concern for him. He was far too much of a softy for the cutthroat, deceptive world of the merchant. He pondered the benevolent Otto’s suitability for his chosen trade as he walked away from the dragon carriage.
“Just like you’re weighing your life and money on your scales, I’m weighing my life and something I value just as much. Something worth that much to me is waiting just ahead.”
“Mr. Natsuki, please wait! L-let’s discuss this. We can talk it over!”
“I don’t blame you at all for turning back. I mean, if you know there’s danger, turning back is the right call. Knowing beforehand is enough for me.”
Now Subaru knew that the road ahead, as well as his destination, held enough danger to make even a land dragon afraid. But he had to hurry. He had to run forward.
The chance for Subaru to find the answer he sought surely awaited him there.
“—Mr. Natsuki!”
“Thank you.”
Otto’s voice held concern for Subaru until the very end. Leaving him behind, Subaru rushed full-tilt down the tree-lined highway. He headed for his destination, casting aside the man who had guided him without trying to overcharge.
The sights seemed almost familiar to him, but it was only a resemblance. Just how far did he have to go before arriving at Roswaal’s mansion? One way or another, running down the road would lead him there.
With the danger loud and clear and his destination right before his eyes, Subaru’s emotions ran wild inside him.
At any rate, he wanted to get there without a moment to lose. If he did, the painful, lingering emotions inside him would come to a head. He’d settle this, whether it turned out how he wanted it to be or not.
“…? The…hell?”
Subaru was running without a care—or rather, while suppressing his innumerable worldly worries—when he came to a halt.
It wasn’t because he’d arrived at his destination. The scenery remained unchanged, and it seemed to stretch on so much that he had to wonder just how far the highway continued, with the thick trees on both sides seeming to block all escape. He was out of breath, but he had yet to run out of endurance.
Why, then, had Subaru stopped? That was because—
“It’s…too quiet, isn’t it…?”
Subaru had paused because he sensed something was wrong. Unintentionally, he repeated what Otto had said earlier.
When he looked around, there was no change in his surroundings whatsoever. Compared to the rustling of leaves as the wind passed through, his own breath was quite noisy.
But that was all he heard. And to Subaru, who’d spent nearly two months in these lands, it felt wrong. The oppressive silence, without even the sounds of insects, was abnormal.
—And then, something suddenly appeared, slipping neatly into Subaru’s consciousness.
“Wh…what?!”
He recoiled a step, his throat tightening from shock. Without a sound, a person had appeared in front of him. Furthermore, the figure’s entire body was shrouded in black clothing, with something like a hood on, so that even the face of this complete stranger was concealed.
Furthermore, that wasn’t all that shocked him.
“This guy… No, these guys…!”
One after another, black figures emerged all around Subaru, as if they were responding to his confusion and his shifting gaze. In the blink of an eye, they numbered more than ten, surrounding Subaru as if mocking his efforts at caution.
“—”
Particularly abnormal was the insane quiet that continued even after the shadowy group’s appearance. They continued to watch Subaru in silence; he didn’t even hear any of them breathe.
There was no way they were friendly. That said, they hadn’t shown any hostility, either. The eerie figures left him tongue-tied, unable to even move a muscle. How did they stare at each other like that?
Feeling the pressure, Subaru felt like time was moving incredibly slowly. Then, that turbulent silence crumbled just as easily as it had begun.
“—”
All at once, the figures faced Subaru and reverently bowed their heads to him.
“—Ah?”
Subaru’s brain was unable to process the scene before him.
The incomprehensible band that had emerged was paying Subaru respect for reasons unknown, and leaving him behind in his confusion, they began sliding out of sight.
The wordless scene before Subaru’s eyes left him more dumbfounded than anything. Rather than do something to the frozen boy, the figures departed with silent footsteps.
It was probably the silence of their footsteps that had allowed them to slip through Subaru’s mental blind spot. But though he understood that much, he knew absolutely nothing else about them.
Subaru tossed aside any attempt to comprehend the figures, suppressing the worry churning around inside him as he continued to run. He focused on heading back to the mansion, as if doing so would shake off the fear and discomfort.
He didn’t understand who the figures were or what they were after, so he stopped trying to understand them. That was why he never noticed it.
Why he never noticed the fact that the unknown figures sliding out of his line of sight were headed in Otto’s direction.
Nor would Subaru reflect on this later. Not even once.
—His thoughts had stopped as he ran forward, as if he truly believed that it would save him.
4
Worry. Worry dominated his entire body to the point that he wanted to tear and scratch at it.
His feet moved forward. His heart was set on the future. The destination of his mind was ahead of him, and yet he felt like fear of those unknown figures was stalking him from behind.
His ears were ringing loudly. Nausea was rocking his head. He felt like every drop of blood in his body had turned into muddy water. The anxiety that tormented him was rapidly eclipsing everything within him, making the physical organ housing his formless heart feel like it was going to burst.
—Why did it have to be like this?
Everything seemed to be going well. Everything seemed to be going in the right direction.
It was just a twist of fate. It was merely the timing that had been thrown off.
He should’ve been able to do it. It should have been clear so that he could do it without hesitation. The stuff at the royal capital was just a bad dream, the result of simply pressing the buttons in the wrong order.
That was why he wanted to meet Emilia now. He knew what he had to do.
He just had to save her. She was in peril. It was his time, just like it had been before.
That’s how it’d always been. It’d be like that this time, too. Everything would turn out all right. Subaru would be redeemed in Emilia’s eyes. She’d accept that she was wrong, that it would work out only if Subaru was there with her. She would allow him to be at her side once more.
“Ha…ha…ha!”
He was out of breath. His lungs hurt. His overused limbs creaked. His body was crying out in pain.
But he couldn’t just stand there. If he did that, it would catch up with him. Something irrational was chasing him from behind.
“Shit… Shit, shit… Shit!”
He wanted to meet Emilia. He wanted her to smile at him. He wanted Rem to be nice to him. He wanted to stroke her head. He missed and adored Beatrice’s insults and Ram’s put-downs. Roswaal’s eccentricities and Puck’s making the world revolve around him put Subaru’s heart at ease.
—He wished he’d never left.
He’d headed to the royal capital, but the time he’d spent there, and the royal capital itself, was the root of all evil.
Reinhard. Felt. Old Man Rom. Ferris. Wilhelm. Julius. Anastasia. Al. Priscilla. The Council of Elders. The Knights. One after another they rose up in the back of his mind, all of them objects of hatred at that moment.
—Curse you. Suffer and die—painfully.
If it weren’t for them, Subaru would have never lost sight of himself. If he’d reconciled with Emilia, returning to live his days in peace, he would have obtained perfect happiness.
All of it had slipped out of his hands. That was why he was there to pick it all back up.
“Just a bit farther…and I’ll…be back there…!”
His lungs burned with agony. Subaru averted his eyes from the regrets forming cracks in his heart as he ran.
It was cursing everything, and trusting that what he desired lay beyond those damnable things, that was keeping him alive.
“—Aa.”
Subaru had been staring at the ground as he ran for all that time, and when he could hardly breathe anymore, he raised his head.
The scenery lining the road had begun to change from what he’d been seeing as he ran. The gaps between the trees were widening, and the natural traces of human labor appeared among them. When he caught sight of the rising slope of a familiar hill, a raspy voice of joy left Subaru’s mouth.
He could see white smoke rising above the tree line coming from the other side of the smoke.
Maybe it was from cooking, or maybe it was from boiling hot bathwater, but either way, steam was rising, produced by human hands.
The village. On the other side of that hill was Earlham Village, the one closest to the mansion.
“—Whe…w.”
Until that point, only the faces of the people at the mansion had graced the back of his mind, but now he imagined the villagers he had so dearly missed. They included the very pushy children and the astoundingly unguarded adults. These were the good people who had welcomed the trivial things Subaru had brought into this world without laughing them off as absurdities.
He missed their smiling faces so much that the memory of them almost made him cry.
He didn’t know why he had forgotten them. It was living proof that Subaru had been in this world. He had saved them. They might have been wiped out had it not been for him. It was Subaru’s feat. Was there any other result of his actions he could take that much pride in?
With the pillar that supported him right before him, Subaru’s steps quickened.
The dissipating white smoke nearly vanished in the wind. Subaru pressed on, as if fearful of that very thing. Someone was there. People who knew Subaru, people who knew his worth—they were definitely there.
That moment, it was enough. He wanted proof that someone cared for him, that someone had affection for him.
He ran. He sprinted up the hill. When he neared the crest of the slope, he could finally see the source of the white smoke. Subaru climbed up to the peak, using his sleeve to wipe off the sweat trickling down his brow, and cheerfully looked at the village.
—And then, the nightmare finally caught him.
5
When Subaru ran to the village entrance, his gaze shifted around to find the first citizen he could. That was when he frowned, sensing something was wrong.
The moment his legs stopped, the accumulated stress on his heart and lungs crashed down upon him. He gasped for breath over and over, coughing up spit, and strived to let his body recover as his eyes searched the area.
At first glance, he thought that nothing odd had occurred in the village.
The air that morning was very fresh, enough to snap a sleepy person awake.
It was such a clear and sunny day, and yet he couldn’t sense anyone in the village whatsoever.
Having been up so late, Subaru didn’t fully appreciate the fact that it was still very early in the morning, enough that people might still be asleep. He slumped his shoulders at the sleepyhead villagers and moved on, searching for the cause of the white smoke.
If he looked for the source, he’d surely stumble across someone.
“—”
But Subaru’s hopes were in vain. He didn’t come across a single face.
By the time he’d nearly reached whatever was burning, everyone was long gone.
What had once been a fire was still faintly smoldering, causing the smoke, but he couldn’t sense anyone’s presence.
That was when Subaru was haunted not by vague anxieties but by very tangible ones.
For reasons unrelated to fatigue, his breathing and heartbeat quickened. With his body reacting to that panic, Subaru banged on the door of a nearby house. There was no response.
When he rushed in, it was an empty shell. No one was home.
Maybe the whole family was out doing farm chores— No, he couldn’t dismiss the situation with a silly joke.
He rushed into the next house, searching for people. There were none. It, too, was unoccupied.
An amorphous chill came over him. Subaru, realizing that it greatly resembled what he’d felt when he met the figures in the forest, almost lost himself as he desperately kept searching for a human presence.
“—!”
He shouted enough for his voice to go hoarse, pounding on house after house, not caring that it was splitting his fingernails.
The result was nothing but silence. Subaru, all alone in the world, collapsed to the ground, powerless.
No matter how often he might encounter them, he couldn’t get accustomed to these incomprehensible situations. Naturally, the same went for senseless developments that he did understand.
Forsaken by all, prospects grim, all avenues of escape cut off. This was always Subaru Natsuki’s future.
“—”
Having lost count of how many sighs he’d made, Subaru made one more as he decided that further searching was meaningless. No matter how many times he looked around the village, he wouldn’t find anyone. There was no one left.
Subaru rose up, brushed off his butt, and tried not to slip on the muddy ground as he stepped forward. Though there was no trace of rain having fallen, there was mud everywhere. He’d lost his footing and tumbled several times over when he’d been running around the place. So Subaru avoided the mud, bypassed anything that might cause him to trip, and headed to the center of the village, the direction of the white smoke.
The fire that had caused the smoke was already out. The smoldering remnants were nearly extinguished. Subaru gently lowered his gaze, looking absentmindedly at the remains.
There was nothing odd to see, save for the charred corpse of the old man from which the white smoke was rising.
“—”
Subaru scratched his head, averting his mind from the sight as he walked toward the village exit. If there was no one inside the settlement, there was no point staying there. He had to hurry to the mansion.
He stepped around the carelessly strewn corpse of a young man, walking carefully so as not to slip on the bloody mud. He gave the bodies of the young couple, piled on each other, a wide berth, passing right beside the old woman lying faceup as he entered the village square.
Subaru searched for any signs of life among the numerous dead therein, seeking any salvation, anyone who might call his name.
But his hope went unfulfilled, for inactivity was all that remained.
Too many detours. He hadn’t fulfilled his original intention, and this was the result. He’d taken too much time, and futility was his reward. Everything in that place was in vain. There was nothing there that wasn’t, Subaru included.
“—”
Abandoning everything as futile, he dragged his feet in a daze as he crossed the village square. As he did so, his foot abruptly caught on something, sending the half-aware boy tumbling forward.
Groaning from the pain of landing on his shoulder, Subaru reflexively glared at what had snagged his foot.
—And so, he met Petra’s empty, unseeing eyes.
“AAAAaaaaaaa—!!”
6
He couldn’t escape.
Subaru cried and screamed until his trembling voice went hoarse, a flood of tears pouring down as he wrapped his arms around Petra’s remains, cast aside on the ground.
Warmth had long faded from the girl’s body. Rigor mortis had set in. The body of an unconscious person ought to have been heavy, but even considering Petra’s youth, her body was far too light.
That was probably because of all the blood that had flowed out of the gaping wound in her chest.
Petra had died with her eyes open and an expression of surprise. The only comfort to be found was that the absence of pain or suffering on her face meant that she’d died instantly when her heart was impaled. After all, there was no reason for her to die with a gaping hole in her chest and then suffer in agony on top of that.
Subaru laid Petra’s corpse upon the ground and covered her with his track jacket, the only funeral he could provide her. He’d tried to close her eyes, but with her body already stiff, he couldn’t grant her even that small mercy.
Praying that Petra would rest in peace, Subaru trembled as he turned his back to her— He continued to avert his eyes from the hellish scene the familiar village had become.
The cause of the white smoke was Muraosa’s charred body. The young men had no doubt fought with the swords they had. There were weapons and farm implements scattered about, with the blood of the slain villagers drenching the bare earth around them.
Death had befallen the village. It had all been over long before Subaru arrived.
Far too late, Subaru was now the only person to bear witness to the results of the tragedy befalling that place. He offered up both his hands, as if pleading for someone, anyone to take them.
What happened?
What had happened? What terrible, horrible thing had occurred? Who had violated the village in a merciless slaughter of its innocent denizens, trampling upon their dignity even in death?
No one still breathed. Not a single person was left alive.
A memory of days long forgotten arose in the form of a carefree voice.
“Oh, Master Subaru. Good morning to you. Here to play with the children again?”
He remembered the brash, noisy, fond, and very pushy voices of the young children.
“Subaru’s here!” “Subaru came!” “Subaru’s all alone!”
One girl had pretentions of adulthood as she made a cheeky promise about the future.
“Eh-eh-eh, Subaru’s the one who saved my life, so when I’m bigger, I’m going to return the favor.”
He couldn’t see her face anymore. His track jacket now covered it.
No one was left. His memories had been trampled underfoot, shredded, discarded, lost.
It wasn’t sinking in. Liquid was pouring from every cavity in his face. Whether it was tears, snot, or drool, he had lost the will to hold it back as it continued to sully his face.
“—Aaa.”
Then, as Subaru wallowed disgracefully, practically drowning in tears, he came to grasp something far too late. He finally understood the obvious.
There was no reason for the senseless tragedy to have stopped at the village’s edge.
“—”
A chill worse than any that had come before shot through Subaru’s entire body.
Since Subaru had fallen into that world, he had overcome mortal crises several times over.
Even then, he had never known fear and despair as he did in that moment.
—The despair that, somewhere beyond his reach, the people precious to him had been taken away.
His teeth chattered to their very roots. His eyes, painful from too much crying, could see little, but he raised his limited field of vision to the sky. The clear blue ether seemed innocent in the face of the tragedy beneath it. And under that sky, the mansion awaited.
That place he’d wanted so much to return to, that he’d yearned for, the place practically right before his eyes, was now too frightening to contemplate.
But whatever had turned the village into hell surely hadn’t overlooked the mansion.
“—Ah, ahh.”
He was scared. He couldn’t help but be scared.
He didn’t want to think of the possibility that this “something” had torn through the mansion. He was afraid that if he thought it, let alone spoke it aloud, that would make it real.
He shook his head, casting off the fearful images. But though Subaru tried to drive them to the back of his mind, one of them obstinately held on, whispering in Subaru’s ear, refusing to be forgotten.
That was why Subaru clung to it, the lowest means for him to escape. If he could voice even the possibility, the chance that something had happened to her , then…
“Rem…? Rem…where are you…?”
It was the name of the girl who ought to have arrived before him, the girl who had cared for him, who had cuddled with him, who had affirmed him, and who had betrayed him in the end.
Subaru instinctively knew what it meant to call her name. And knowing this, Subaru had chosen to do it anyway.
In the name of worrying about Rem’s safety, he was fooling his heart with the most sordid of means.
“If Rem came back… She’d never sit back after that happened to the village…”
Excuses.
It was another excuse, spoken in a place where he stood alone, and it didn’t even fool him.
He was the worst. He was the lowest of the low.
He didn’t want to understand, but he did.
If he could voice the possibility that he’d lost the girl he cared for and the possibility his own heart could break, then why not offer up a sacrifice so that he wouldn’t have to?
Subaru told himself such lies so that he could pretend not to see his own overly unscrupulous heart.
He felt like the blue-haired girl’s pleasant smile, the warmth of her nestling against him, her voice that called Subaru’s name, were growing further, further away.
“That’s right… Rem… Rem can… Rem…”
Subaru began listlessly tottering along the road to the mansion. He dragged his feet, leaving Petra’s remains and the corpses of the villagers behind, covering his ears to block everything out.
He still didn’t know what awaited him. He thought both that he didn’t want to know and that he needed to know, but he didn’t have the courage to run to find out.
Subaru slowly, slowly climbed the upwardly sloping path, clinging to the girl’s name like she was the pillar supporting his heart as he walked toward the mansion.
—Rem was dead in the courtyard.
7
The courtyard he had seen on many a morning had turned into a hell unlike anything he’d ever seen.
The small but vivid flower bed had been trampled awry, and the trees standing around the mansion had been felled, snapped in half.
The green grass had been dyed black with blood, with the prostrate corpse joined by the remains of several black-robed figures. Each showed signs of being subjected to incredible violence, with few remaining relatively whole. The gruesome damage to the remains exceeded what he had seen in Earlham Village, no doubt evidence of the great rage behind the murder weapon that had turned these unfortunate victims into mincemeat.
The deadly tool that had wreaked such havoc upon them, a bloodstained iron ball, lay fallen among the dark figures in the center of the garden. The metal orb, linked to a handle via a chain, had smashed apart a number of foes, but in the midst of battle, its mistress had somehow relinquished her grip; it seemed to regret having been unable to fight alongside her to the very end.
And as for the demon who he presumed had wielded it one-handed in ferocious battle…
“—Rem.”
…She was long gone from that place.
In a corner of the courtyard, a short distance removed from the iron weapon, was Rem, her servant’s uniform dyed crimson red. The surface of the ground where she had fallen was drenched with a great quantity of blood that spoke of the heroism of her demise.
“—”
Looking at the large number of corpses besides Rem’s in the courtyard, he knew. She had fought. The fangs that had slaughtered the villagers had menaced the mansion with ill intent. She had battled hard to defeat a number of them, struggled while heavily wounded, and died.
“—”
What had the group of black figures been thinking in killing Rem?
Why? Why? Why, why, why, why, why?
What did they know about her? Rem tried her best, always worked hard, always took care of others, jumped to too many conclusions, was kind and gentle and stern to Subaru; when times were tough, she was on his side, but she’d left him behind; she loved her sister and hated herself, but she’d just begun to like herself a little more, and— Just when she’d stopped calling herself a substitute for her older sister, just when she’d begun to walk down her own path in life, she…
“…Rem.”
Though he called out to her, she made no response.
Though he shook her, her body had already gone cold and hard. He tried to stroke her soft hair several times over, but it clung to her forehead, sticky with blood.
Subaru didn’t even have the courage to turn her over and see the look on her face.
Maybe her expression was bitter, locked in place as she struggled against death to her final breath. Perhaps it was peaceful. He didn’t have the right to accept either.
After all, it was Subaru Natsuki who’d as good as killed her.
“—”
He left Rem, fallen with her arms wide to the sides, when he noticed the shed containing gardening tools.
Rem’s unnatural location. The shed that she seemed to be protecting. And the blood that had flowed out from under the closed door. Despite the scent of death, Subaru suppressed his nausea as he reached toward the shed.
With a creak , the door opened; the next instant, the scent of overflowing blood assaulted Subaru’s nostrils. He reflexively covered his mouth with his hands as he beheld the results of Rem’s attempt at defense.
—Not a single one of the children inside the shed was still alive.
Subaru fell down and pathetically crawled onto the grass, heaving the contents of his stomach upon the lawn. He thought that his overflowing tears and vomit would stop, but there was no apparent limit.
“Uh, fuggh…”
Rem had died to protect the children and failed.
He thought back to the villagers who’d apparently picked up arms and fought. They hadn’t run, either. The adults had stayed in the village so that the children could escape. The little ones had run to the manor, with Rem fighting heroically in the courtyard to protect them as they huddled in the closed shed, praying for salvation.
But their prayers were cruelly, mercilessly trampled on, and then their lives were taken from them as well.
“Hyeek.”
Abruptly, a cry in falsetto escaped his throat.
It wasn’t that anything had happened. It was simply that the forgotten terror had suddenly reared its ugly head once more.
Subaru had returned to the village and the mansion in the hope of finding someone who knew him. And yet, not a single living soul was left. Only the silent dead greeted Subaru.
He felt like those hollow, empty eyes were saying something to him. He felt like the blood-drenched tongues in their wide, gaping mouths were berating him. He felt like they hated him. He recalled the days they had spent sharing smiles with each other.
“No… No, no, no, no, no…!”
—Why are you alive?
—Why did we have to die instead?
“No… I didn’t… This isn’t what I wanted at…”
He’d had an ideal. He had dreamed of a hope.
When Subaru heard that Emilia had fallen into peril, he had thought it a blessing from heaven. Since she had lost all faith in him, he believed this was his chance to get back into her good graces. He’d believed he would save her from peril as he had done before, she would thank him, and they’d put their meager differences behind them to walk side by side, hand in hand.
He had disparaged the suffering, the danger, the tragedy that had occurred as nothing more than a means to that end. He had taken it lightly, believing he could fix anything, no matter what happened.
And if the cost of that was a vast number of dead bodies—
“It’s…not my fault… I-I didn’t…!”
Subaru shook his head, rose to his feet, averted his eyes from the shed, turned his back on Rem’s corpse, and ran toward the mansion. He cut through the courtyard, kicking in a window on the terrace and climbing through to intrude into the mansion. The dimly lit manor seemed to treat Subaru like an outsider as the soles of his shoes crushed fragments of glass. He began to run around the building, clinging obsessively to the search for another living soul.
“Someone, anyone, anyone, anyone, anyone, anyone, anyone, anyone, anyone…”
Just as when he had run from the village—no, even baser hopes continued flowing from him.
“It’s not my fault… It’s not my fault… It’s not my…fault…!”
—I didn’t want this to happen. So it’s not my fault.
He wanted someone to be alive so that they could agree. Or perhaps, the fact that someone had survived at all would be enough to affirm his claim. So Subaru kept searching for survivors.
He had to find one. If he couldn’t, he’d never be able to live with himself.
Now faced with the notion that his own, flippant thoughts had brought this tragedy about, there was no way that he could stay composed. To stop his mind from shattering, and to not have to bear the burden of the multitude of dead, he required a more tangible defense.
He violently thrust open the door of the nearest room, peering in to find it empty. Dejected, he moved to the next chamber. Checking whatever room was closest at hand, Subaru continued his search for the four people who ought to have been at the mansion: for Ram, for Beatrice, for Roswaal, and above all, for Emilia.
Subaru’s half-crying voice carried a heavy imprint of despair.
“Come on… Come on… I’m begging you… Help me… Help me, please…!!”
Normally, Subaru would have been able to easily reach Beatrice’s archive of forbidden books, even without trying. Yet when he needed to most, he was unable to find it no matter how hard he looked.
He wanted to hear invective from her sharp tongue almost more than air itself.
Subaru, dragging his feet along in unmanly fashion, still had tears rolling down his cheeks.
Distracted by sobbing breaths, Subaru continued to walk in search of the living, his own eyes like those of the dead.
—He found Ram’s body in the room at the end of the second floor.
Having seen so much death in such a short time, Subaru knew immediately that she was not asleep as she lay on the bed.
Her light skin had grown so pale that you could almost see through her. In contrast, her tongue stood out for being redder than normal. Unlike how her identical younger sister had passed away, Ram, adorned by the cosmetics of death, was lovely even after her passing. Subaru had always glibly said that she’d be cute if she only kept her mouth shut.
—But he’d never said that out of a desire to see her like this.
“Hgheee.”
Subaru felt like he heard a curse. The same curse upon Subaru’s life spoken by the dead in the village and the courtyard.
Subaru stumbled clumsily out of Ram’s bedroom and fled. He put his hands on the wall, slapping his uncooperative knees, and distanced himself as fast as he humanly could.
Closing his ears, shaking his head, Subaru arrived at the dance hall on that floor. He crawled on hands and knees, stumbling several times midway, and pathetically climbed up the stairs.
Ram was dead. That left three survivors. As if they had a mind of their own, his feet avoided the floor where Emilia’s room was and climbed to the top level toward the chamber at the center of the main wing.
This was Roswaal’s study. The thick double doors remained shut in silence, their formidable solemnity making them seem removed from the wickedness that had infested the rest of the mansion.
The doors weren’t locked. He stepped inside and looked all around, feeling half resigned to the possibility of finding Roswaal’s corpse slumped over the desk.
Rem was dead. Ram had passed away in the mansion. Subaru himself was no longer certain if he was really looking for survivors or to find the despair that would eradicate his last hope.
“—”
There was no one in the study.
There was no sign of anyone having broken into the room. The desk and the writing supplies on it were just like he remembered.
A slight feeling of relief took hold of Subaru, not only because he was unable to confirm that Roswaal was dead or alive but also because there would not be another casualty to weigh upon his battered conscience any further.
“—?”
No, he realized that his earlier feeling, that the room looked just like he’d remembered it, was off. There was actually one thing that was significantly different from his memory. Namely, the bookshelf wasn’t in the same location as usual.
“A secret…passage…?”
The bookshelf on the wall had slid well to the right, revealing the entrance to a dark corridor behind it. He timidly drew close and peered within, finding stairs spiraling downward.
A thought rose up in the back of Subaru’s mind. An emergency escape route.
As a marquis and lord of the land, it was no surprise that Roswaal had such measures in place for his own protection. It was the sort of thing he’d gleefully arrange beforehand.
The cold wind blowing through the secret passage suggested that it continued for quite a way down. He naturally imagined that the route was for safely escaping from the mansion itself.
“If so, then Emilia…”
Subaru took several deep breaths, hardened his resolve, and stepped into the escape route. When he touched the rather cold wall, he wondered what it must be made of; as he did so, it gave off a pale-blue glow that allowed him to see several meters ahead. Relying on the light, he kept one hand touching the wall as he carefully followed the steps downward, making sure not to slip.
Apparently the hidden passage went underground. When he reached the end of the stairs, the tunnel stretched forward in a straight line. The source of light didn’t change, leaving him relying solely on the radiance from the walls. But the feeling that he was really chasing after survivors was enough to support Subaru for the moment.
Whether he himself was dead or alive seemed ambiguous to him now.
“—Nn, oh?”
The wall he had been touching suddenly ended, leaving him abruptly groping into thin air.
Subaru unwittingly flailed forward and was greeted by a hall in the middle of the passage.
Really, it was more the size of a lounge than a hall. Smaller than a guest room, the space was supported by unevenly distributed pillars, so haphazard that he felt like the architect had a twisted mind.
Slipping past the annoying supports, Subaru sluggishly advanced. Ever since he’d gone underground, he’d felt like his limbs were stuffed with lead as languor dulled his movements. Even his thoughts were clouding; even his memories from mere seconds before seemed vague.
It was a hard battle to take even a single step at a time. His eyelids were heavy; both his shoulders felt like millstones holding him still. Even so, a combination of tenacity, hatred, sense of duty, and madness pushed Subaru’s body forward.
Threading between the pillars, he headed straight forward to see an iron door at the back of the room. When he reached it, the breeze slipping between the split at the center told him that the path continued ahead.
—What was I looking for, anyway?
He reached out with bloodless fingertips before his stagnant thoughts could produce an answer. Subaru opened and shut his mouth as he breathed hard, grasping the door for no reason other than his sense of responsibility.
“—Agauaa!”
Screaming in fierce pain, Subaru shook his right arm as if trying to tear it off. Touching the doorknob had left his entire hand in scalding pain. Subaru anticipated further agony as he lowered his eyes onto his right hand.
—He saw that it was missing its index finger.
“—Huh?”
Dumbfounded and astounded, Subaru lifted his hand before his eyes and spread it out. Now colored white, with cracked skin, it was missing its index finger from the knuckle. The middle finger and thumb were also missing their tips.
“—”
Slowly, his gaze returned to the door. Subaru’s finger was stuck to the door where he’d grabbed it.
More precisely, it had ripped his finger right off.
—Gotta get it back on, quick.
With only that incoherent thought in his head, Subaru reached out once more to take back the finger he’d lost. But lethargy afflicted his body even more than before; his thoughts reached his shoulder and elbow but not any further than that. Impatient that his arm would not move, Subaru tried to step toward the door, but the instant he did, his right foot shattered from the ankle down.
“—aaa!”
Subaru fell on his side, his voice trickling out of his throat though he was unable to form words. He didn’t know if he was screaming out of pain or in a futile struggle to live.
The instant he drew in breath to scream more, white frost filled the inside of his chest, and he could move no more.
His lungs convulsed. In a single moment, his ability to breathe came to an end. He made short, shallow gasps, but his lungs could not expand nor take in oxygen anymore. In that perilous state, Subaru’s eyes alone desperately shifted about.
He had very little feeling anywhere in his body. It was the second time he’d lost a leg, but the pain and sense of loss from its shattering were on a different level than mere severing. The right side of his torso, now the underside of him, was cracked in several places.
His tongue stopped trembling as white breath came over it. Only then did Subaru realize the truth.
His cheek was now in contact with the ground. If he moved his head, his flesh would probably crack and tear right off. He no longer felt any pain. He moved violently, tearing his right cheek and ear right off, but he didn’t care. He spent some time repositioning his body so that he was lying faceup. When he looked back at the upside down view of the little room, he understood.
Of course the pillars were in irregular locations. They weren’t pillars at all. No, they were pillars, but their function wasn’t to hold up a structure.
These were human pillars, men who had frozen over and died.
Subaru had wandered into the same white apocalypse, and his body would become a frozen statue like the other victims’. And it would happen very soon.
His breathing had already stopped.
His limited oxygen flowed to his brain, but in the world of absolute cold, which would end sooner, his brain functions or his life?
He understood nothing. He saw nothing.
From the tips of his fingers, the being called Subaru Natsuki was coming to an end, replaced by a fragment of ice.
Or perhaps it would have been more accurate to say it was no longer Subaru Natsuki there but a madman wearing his flesh?
Perhaps his mind had died long before, the moment he arrived in the village.
He lost all feeling in his lower body. He couldn’t see his arm anymore. It was strange that his brain was functioning at all. Where did one’s life reside? The brain or the heart?
There was no way that he would find the answer in that freezing world.
In the realm ruled by nothing but white, there was a frigid murmur.
“—You are far too late.”
And then…
—Subaru Natsuki shattered into tiny pieces, into white crystals, and vanished from the world.
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