CHAPTER 6
TO EACH THEIR VOWS
1
As she lay on the bed, her face was tranquil, enough to make someone think she was merely asleep.
When he looked at the lashes on the borders of her closed eyelids, he could absentmindedly think, Wow, it’s been a while. Her expression while awake was usually taut, but one could catch a true glimpse of her age on her face when she slept.
Now that he thought of it, he’d never once had a chance to see her sleeping face.
She was always waking up Subaru, always being strict with him, and only now did he realize just how lovely she looked when she let that hardness soften.
He’d seen her surprised face, her blushing face, her pouting face, her crying face, and the smiling face she showed him when they’d made up. He’d had so many chances to realize it before.
“—Rem.”
Rem was not sleeping in the maid uniform she usually wore. There was no flower adornment for her pretty blue hair. To a maid, those were armor for battle—now she needed those things no longer.
“So this is where you were.”
Subaru was idly spending his time in that quiet, unmoving room when someone spoke to him.
When he slowly turned around, he saw a woman standing at the room’s entrance wearing a light-purple dress. The woman had long, beautiful hair, and behaved with refined elegance as she walked over.
But there was a faint bewilderment to her gait, as if she sensed something awry that did not match the nobility she had been born with. And when she approached, that discordant feeling spread to Subaru as well.
“Is she…?”
“Nothing’s changed at all. It’s not like I can do anything, so I’m just sticking around. It’s kind of pathetic how I’m clinging to her like this…”
“I wonder if that might not…make her happy, somehow.”
As Subaru hung his head, the woman timidly offered words of consolation. But those words, which could not possibly put his mind at ease, made Subaru unwittingly glare at her.
“…I am sorry. It seems I went too far and offended you.”
“…I’m sorry, too. I’m just frustrated. Rem would be angry with me. She’d say, ‘Subaru, you must not take things out on other people’ or something.”
Subaru lowered his head to the apologetic woman, weakly smiling as he mimicked Rem’s manner of speech.
In the back of his mind, he could hear her voice saying those exact words. And yet her voice reached no one. There was no one to point out that Subaru’s act was nothing like the real thing.
Subaru’s hollow, farcical action made the woman before him don a pained look, covering her eyes. Without thinking, she shifted that right hand to her own left arm—holding it as if to support the freshly reattached limb.
Silence descended on the room, and Subaru shook his head, knowing he could not allow it to continue. When you’re feeling despondent, continued silence becomes comfortable, and it is easy to become apathetic and stop your legs. But that was not what the man Rem believed in ought to do.
“Did you…need something from me?”
“Yes. The others have assembled in the office for some kind of discussion. It would be good to have…uh…”
The woman looked like she’d been rescued by his prompting as she continued her words about the business he’d surmised. But halfway through those words, her cheeks awkwardly tensed. Seeing this, Subaru pointed to himself and spoke.
“I’m…Subaru Natsuki.”
“…I am sorry. Master Subaru Natsuki, is it? I shall properly remember. I am very sorry to have been so rude to you after all I have heard you have done for me.”
“It can’t be helped. There’s way too many things you have to keep track of right now, so don’t worry about it.”
The woman’s demeanor was genuinely apologetic—but the ill feeling from that very graceful, feminine behavior tore at his chest. He wasn’t rude enough to actually say that, though.
“Well, I’ll see you later, Rem.”
Turning his head back, Subaru gave the sleeping Rem a gentle pat on the head. Her chest faintly rose and fell; her body was warm to the touch. Her living, physical body was firmly present.
For her, lost to the memories of others, that was the only thing that remained.
“The office, you said. It’s bad to keep everyone waiting, so let’s go, I guess?”
“Yes, let us do so, Master Subaru Natsuki.”
The woman smiled charmingly as she addressed him by name. The fleeting femininity of the gesture really rubbed him the wrong way.
Recognizing his distaste, Subaru turned his face aside, making an amiable smile to conceal what truly lay in his heart as he spoke.
“Sorry to make you come all this way to get me…Crusch.”
He addressed her by name, even though she already seemed to be another person entirely.
2
It was all over by the time Subaru arrived back at the royal capital.
“Who’s Rem?”
Emilia had spoken those words to Subaru, turning her head to the side quizzically.
Perhaps, if the words and gesture had given the slightest hint of Emilia making a bad joke, Subaru would have followed suit and said something flippant in turn.
But Subaru had not seen even a single smidgen of such hope from Emilia’s demeanor, and as shock overtook Subaru, Emilia never broke into a Just kidding! no matter how long he waited.
It was the same for Petra and the other children. None of them remembered Rem.
Faced with that fact inside the dragon carriage, Subaru desperately had it race to the capital.
It can’t be. There has to be some mistake. That was what he believed.
After all, everything should have turned out all right. Subaru ought to have grabbed hold of the best possible outcome. He’d accomplished his objectives, protected the people precious to him, and overcome sadness and anguish, carrying on the struggle in spite of his heart being scarred many times over.
And yet—
“—”
When Subaru’s feet stepped into the office, the gazes of those already in the room gathered upon him. He imagined the uncomfortable feeling he got from them was damage wrought from the blame they harbored toward themselves.
The three people in the office were Emilia, Ferris, and Wilhelm. Adding the recent arrivals Subaru and Crusch, that made five people participating in the discussion.
“…Ah, I’m glad you’re back. Lady Crusch, sorry I made you run an errand.”
“Not at all. It’s quite all right, Master Ferr—”
“—Ferris is fine. We’ve been together far too long, it’ll make me feel lonely if you add Master or anything else at this point, meow. No labels, okay?”
Greeting Crusch upon her return, Ferris spun his words with a reassuring tone of voice. He’d stripped off his royal guard uniform in favor of a feminine outfit with a short skirt.
Led by Ferris’s hand, Crusch looked conflicted when she sat beside him and spoke.
“I cannot guarantee it will be like before, but I shall try, Ferris… Mm, Ferris.”
“You don’t need to rush. Ferri will always be your ally, always by your side. Besides, it feels like the current Lady Crusch has discovered a new way to be beautiful.”
Ferris held her hand just as he had always done with the more valiant Crusch before. Ferris’s behavior made Subaru harbor complicated feelings inside himself.
Even though Crusch had changed so much, Ferris’s approach to her had not. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how much melancholy Ferris was hiding underneath that smile.
“Subaru…”
Then, as Subaru stood still, Emilia shifted her considerate gaze toward him. The sorrowful gaze made Subaru’s breath catch; he sat beside her as if it was the only natural thing to do.
“It’s all right, Emilia. I’ve calmed down now—I’m all right.”
His voice sounded all right. He maintained his calm. But he could not meet Emilia’s gaze; he was so busy acting nonchalant that he didn’t notice his hands were shaking.
“—Now that Sir Subaru and Lady Crusch have returned, let us begin our discussion.”
In a low voice, Wilhelm spoke, cutting short the awkward silence about to fill the air.
It was rare for Wilhelm to lead a discussion. Ferris, deducing that this was the Sword Devil clumsily trying to be considerate, reluctantly took up the role of guiding the conversation and spoke.
“Well, let’s do as Old Man Wil said… First, how about we go over the situation again?”
With those words, they began to discuss the events that had occurred after the fall of the White Whale and the Archbishop of the Seven Deadly Sins of Sloth.
The situation that had befallen Rem, Crusch, and the expeditionary force members with them had been very simple.
Having split from Subaru and his group, Rem and the others were in the middle of returning to the royal capital with the head recovered from the defeated White Whale when they had come under attack by separate Witch Cultists. As a result, half of the expeditionary force had been slain during its return journey—and according to the tale, the Iron Fangs, instantly separating at the direction of their lieutenant, had managed to escape losses of their own.
“The Iron Fangs that had fled returned with reinforcements from the capital, but…the Archbishops of the Seven Deadly Sins were gone, and all that remained were the dead and…”
“…Those in circumstances similar to mine, yes?”
Crusch finished off Ferris’s words, furling her brow with chagrin. The anguish of the expression that came over her was doubtless caused by how helpless she felt inside. After all, she couldn’t help but feel like what they were talking about had happened to someone else—
“Their own memories erased…was it. You think this is the work of the Archbishops of the Seven Deadly Sins, too?”
“I’m all but certain of it. There’ve been all kinds of reports of people with memory damage long before Lady Crusch and the others. They stated that the victims’ memories had suddenly vanished, and even healing spells could not restore them. The cause had been unknown until now, but considering Sloth…”
“—There is surely no doubt this is the Authority of a Archbishop of the Seven Deadly Sins of the Witch Cult.”
Wilhelm crossed his arms as he nodded grimly. The old man had a grave look on his face as he shifted his blade-like gaze toward Crusch. The gaze made Crusch unintentionally cringe.
“No, Lady Crusch, you are blameless. I am very sorry to have frightened you.”
“…It is I who am sorry for being such a timid liege. Master Wilhelm, I have striven to remember you as well, but…”
A faint tremor of pain passed through the side of the aged swordsman’s face when Crusch called him Master Wilhelm. No doubt he felt responsibility as the shameful retainer causing the lord to which he had offered his sword to put on such a painful display. Subaru felt similar regret, for now he knew painfully well just how deep Wilhelm’s loyalty ran.
“We finally took care of Sloth, only to have other Archbishops of the Seven Deadly Sins appear right after. That’s just the worst, meow. Well, we knew the Witch Cult would make a fuss as soon as Lady Emilia entered the royal selection, though…”
“…So it really is…my fault…?”
Emilia cast her eyes down slightly when Ferris pointed the conversation her way. “I suppose it is,” said Ferris, agreeing with Emilia’s faint murmur without the slightest hesitation. “Lady Emilia is a half-elf, so there was no way the Witch Cult would let this go. After all, they went from their usual creepy quiet act to causing this huge ruckus, so it’s definitely linked to that.”
“These people…hurt others because they hate half-demons…?”
“Hatred is painting it too softly. They’re obsessed with exterminating Lady Emilia…with exterminating all half-elves. This was just…a fraction of it.”
“A fraction, and they did such terrible things. Subaru, do you—?”
Emilia’s voice shook as she called Subaru’s name; her words caught in her throat. However, when her eyes met his, the interrupted words were conveyed to him nonetheless. Emilia was probably going to ask him…
Subaru, do you hate me too…?
“—! This is ridiculous. Ferris, think more carefully about how you phrase things. Don’t say it like Emilia’s at fault. It’s those scumbags at fault through and through.”
Seeing Emilia racked by guilt, Subaru felt hurt by the implication and rose to defend her. He glared at Ferris, rebuking him for his barbed demeanor toward Emilia throughout.
“Don’t blame the wrong person. Hurting your allies by mistake doesn’t help anything.”
“Hmm, that sounds convincing when Subawu says it. Guess you have prior experience?”
“—!”
The sarcasm contained crystal clear malice toward Subaru. Hence Subaru grit his teeth and unwittingly began to get up. But a moment before he did so—
“Ferris—I cannot ignore what you have said just now. Apologize.”
Before Subaru could put strength into his knees, it was none other than Crusch who scolded Ferris.
Wearing her dress, Crusch, who was so frail until that moment, tightened her expression; she sternly rebuked her own knight for his rudeness, training a bold, sharp gaze upon him like the Crusch of old.
“As Master Subaru Natsuki has stated, it is clear who should bear the blame for this matter. Also, you have no standing to mock him for stating an opinion that is correct. You understand, yes?”
“…Yes, Lady Crusch.”
The current Crusch softened her stern speech slightly at the end. Her words and actions were very much like her, something that surprised Subaru.
Ferris, not yet able to hide the surprise on his own face, bowed his head toward Subaru and Emilia.
“Lady Emilia, I apologize for my rudeness. And Subawu, sorry, ’kay?”
“You litt— Nah, it’s fine. More importantly, let’s get back on track. I pretty much understand Crusch’s…memory-loss incident. That leaves Rem……the people wiped from other folks’ memories.”
Subaru responded to Ferris’s apology, farcical to the bitter end, by moving on to Rem’s situation, the main issue—or at least the main issue to him.
“Mind you, Rem’s not just some delusion on my part. She’s a…very important girl to me. We wouldn’t have beaten the White Whale without her, either.”
“Sir Subaru…”
Wilhelm, too, lowered his voice as Subaru rued the difference in how the memories had been consumed.
Unlike Crusch, who had lost her own memories, Rem had been erased from the memories of others. The memory damage of the attacked expeditionary force’s victims was split between those two symptoms. But where the latter case was concerned, Subaru and the others knew of similar previous cases.
“Like the effect of the White Whale’s mist, meow. The people erased by that mist are erased from everyone’s memories.”
“According to Sir Subaru’s information, the White Whale is associated with Gluttony. If that demon beast could do it, the Archbishops of the Seven Deadly Sins that attacked Lady Crusch and the others are connected to Gluttony as well.”
“So the Authority of an Archbishop of the Seven Deadly Sins…huh… Ferris, you’ve examined Rem’s body, I take it?”
Rem, sleeping in bed that very moment, had already had all her external injuries healed. When Subaru asked if Ferris had diagnosed anything other than external wounds, Ferris shook his head.
“To put it bluntly, I found nothing unusual—even though the result certainly is. The same goes for how the body continues to sleep, not waking no matter what anyone does. It’s Sleeping Princess symptoms through and through.”
“…What’d you say?”
Subaru raised an eyebrow at the abrupt metaphor. But in Ferris’s place, Emilia lifted up her face and spoke.
“I’ve heard of it before. Certainly the symptoms are sleeping and never waking up…aren’t they? Also, the people affected never hunger, nor do they age.”
“It is an illness rarely seen even in this large a kingdom. There have been various reports of people falling into a Sleeping Princess state, but I have never heard of any of them awakening. Besides the issue of disappearing from memory, the symptoms match.”
Wilhelm added to what Emilia had to say, but his voice sounded far more grounded in reality. Perhaps an acquaintance of his had fallen into a Sleeping Princess state.
Either way, nothing related to the Sleeping Princess condition, or Rem’s situation in general, was beyond the realm of speculation.
“So short of asking Gluttony, there’s no way to know the details. In the end, there’s no avoiding slamming into the Witch Cult again. I was prepared for that, though…”
Subaru glanced at the side of Emilia’s face as he verbally renewed his determination to oppose the Witch Cult.
The Cult’s obsession with half-elves would doubtless cast a shadow on Emilia’s path thereafter. Even without the Rem issue, they couldn’t avoid clashing again. Hence, in his own thoughts, he became even more resolved than before.
“So, Subawu, your side is planning to be all gung ho and face the Witch Cult, meow… I see.”
Ferris seemed tired somehow as he sighed.
And then—
“In that case, can we just…forget about that alliance agreement, meow?”
“—”
Ferris’s nonchalantly tossed words brought a silent chill to the air.
For a moment Subaru didn’t understand just what had been said. However, the instant comprehension caught up inside him, his insides grew hot with rage.
“What do you mean by that? How does what we were talking about lead to talk of scrapping the alliance?”
But despite his anger, Subaru asked the question in a calm voice that belied the burning in his chest. Ferris was not someone who would speak out of turn without a thought. At the very least, Subaru trusted that he would not do such a thing.
Subaru hadn’t shouted in anger, and Ferris put on a surprised look as he spoke.
“I said exactly what I meant. An alliance is formed out of mutual benefit…but the pros are now outweighed by the cons, right? So I thought that cooperating now is meaningless, meow.”
“What about the mining rights for the forest? Maybe you think that all debts are paid for helping with the White Whale and the Witch Cult, but…”
“—You’re telling us to cooperate even when the Witch Cult will keep going after Lady Emilia? Subawu, can you promise me that Lady Crusch won’t be hurt even more in the process?”
“Th-that’s…”
When Ferris asked him that, Subaru hesitated to continue. Seeing the drastic change in Crusch, he could not reject Ferris’s concern out of hand. After all, Subaru bore wounds at least as deep as his.
Accordingly, the task of telling Ferris he was wrong did not fall to Subaru.
“Ferris, I must disagree.”
Still sitting in his chair, Wilhelm glanced at the side of Ferris’s face as he spoke. Ferris glared at the Sword Devil for raising a dissenting voice from within.
“Why are you against this, Old Man Wil? With Gluttony attacking Lady Crusch like this, what’s the point of cooperating with Lady Emilia’s side any longer?”
“In doing so…an opportunity to avenge our liege against Gluttony shall surely come.”
“—! Are you saying that’s more important than Lady Crusch’s life?!”
Wilhelm, calm in his rebuttal to the end, caused Ferris’s emotions to finally explode. Ferris looked down at his own palm as he bit his lip in regret before he continued.
“If we involve ourselves with the Cult again, more things like this will happen. When that time comes, the current Lady Crusch won’t be able to defend herself—and I won’t be able to help her.”
“Ferris…”
Subaru understood that Ferris felt something close to hatred when he looked at his own pale fingers. Coming into contact with a small portion of that anger had made Subaru finally comprehend the feelings of remorse behind them.
Subaru harbored a sense of powerlessness just like the one tormenting Ferris.
Ferris hated himself for not having the strength to protect Crusch, someone so dear to his heart. Even his healing magic, purported to be among the best, was unable to aid Crusch as she was now—
“It must be very hard for Lady Crusch, too. Not being able to remember anything, understand anything…so she wouldn’t even think of fighting like this. Right? …Right?”
When Ferris looked back at Crusch, seemingly clinging to her, his expression crumbled. He lost the usual, everyday look he’d maintained until moments before, having hidden the frailty of that face, on the verge of tears at any moment, behind a paper-thin shell.
Everything he did, he did because he wished with all his heart not to let Crusch get hurt—
“When it comes to your memory, I’m sure I’ll manage to fix it somehow. Even if my magic is useless at the moment, I’ll figure it out eventually. So please, don’t do anything dangero—”
“Ferris, thank you for worrying about me.”
When Ferris pleaded with her, showing how he truly felt, Crusch smiled gently toward him.
However, what lay behind that smile was not the look of a liege acceding to her retainer’s request to pull back from danger. What lay behind it was firm will and resolve.
Faced with Ferris’s heartfelt plea, she still had the will to gently but strongly reject it, and the resolve to fight.
The memories inside her might have vanished, but the will of Crusch Karsten persisted.
Even Subaru could tell. There was no way that Ferris, her very own knight, could not.
Crusch put her own hand over Ferris’s shaking hand; then she firmly looked at Subaru and the others.
“There is still much I do not understand. I cannot remember a single thing about who I once was. I believe that you will all find contact with me to be bewildering… Even so, let me first thank all of you for holding me so dear.”
“Lady Cruuusch…”
“Ferris, I understand that your words are founded in genuine concern. I understand the path you wish to lead me down by the hand… To follow your words means to walk a path of safety…but…”
One by one, Crusch looked between Subaru and the others, finally gazing gently at Ferris, whose voice was tearful.
“I do not wish to know nothing, understand nothing, and simply be swept away. If a choice must be made, I want to make it on my own, and not do as others say—I intend to continue striving for that.”
Even without her memories, she still had the utmost respect for free will.
Perhaps a person’s will and character rested not in memories, but somewhere else. Crusch had lost her past, yet even so, Subaru couldn’t help but think that the Crusch he saw before him was strong.
Perhaps this was the soul that the old Crusch had once spoken about.
“—Uu, ngh, haafh!”
“Now that Lady Crusch has spoken, it would seem we do not desire to break off the alliance.”
“Correct. Lady Emilia, Master Subaru Natsuki, we have caused you a great deal of trouble.”
Ferris, who had broken into tears, was no longer in any state to continue the conversation. In his place, Wilhelm carried on, Crusch apologizing as she cradled Ferris in her arms.
“No, that’s all right… We are in no position to complain. We must reunite with Ram and those who evacuated to the Sanctuary and discuss things thoroughly with Roswaal.”
“You have my thanks. Master Subaru Natsuki, are you satisfied with this conclu—”
“—Yeah, it’s fine. Besides that, what’s happening with Anastasia and her people?”
Subaru agreed with Emilia and Crusch that they should uphold their alliance; at the end he invoked yet another name. This was the name of someone not participating in this final meeting, even though she was directly involved with both the White Whale and Sloth—for dealing with Anastasia Hoshin was a difficult issue for both camps.
“…Julius is one thing, but there’s no way Lady Anastasia won’t use this to her advantage, meow.”
Ferris sniffled, and his eyes were red as he murmured resentfully from within Crusch’s arms.
In point of fact, Crusch’s position in the royal selection—she had been deemed the most powerful royal candidate by the public—had been deeply shaken. That was an enormous issue, even compared to the honor of defeating the White Whale, and there was no way Anastasia would not exploit it.
“But she wants to share the credit for the White Whale, too, right? How about hiding what happened with Crusch?”
“That’s what…I was going to say. Subaru, can you…keep things secret until we decide how to deal with this? This is an extra condition for the alliance, okay…?”
Ferris said the last part rather quickly, as if trying to shoo Subaru away. Subaru almost felt like complaining about how self-serving he was, going from trying to erase the alliance to adding new conditions, but—
“Yeah, got it—since you asked with a crying face and all.”
That invective was probably fitting, given the relationship between Subaru and Ferris.
For Subaru knew painfully well how it felt to be powerless and consoled by the person most precious to you.
3
“Wilhelm, thanks a ton for the supporting fire earlier.”
With the conversation in the office complete, Subaru left the sobbing Ferris and the consoling Crusch behind as he flagged down Wilhelm in the corridor.
“No,” said the Sword Devil as he looked back, unable to conceal his fatigue from the string of battles as he continued, “It was nothing at all. If anything, I was of little help at critical junctures.”
“That’s not true at all. We couldn’t have beaten the White Whale without you, and after, there was no one I could trust to keep Emilia and the others safe more than you. I’m grateful, Wilhelm.”
It wasn’t that everything had gone off without a hitch. But these were Subaru’s true feelings.
However, Subaru’s gratitude made Wilhelm’s expression darken. He was the type of person who had a deep sense of duty and felt responsible when others got hurt. Subaru somehow managed to form a smile toward the all-too-kind Sword Devil.
“The situation hasn’t calmed down that much, but you’re going to visit your wife’s grave or something, right? It’s too early to relax, but you did avenge her, and that’s important, right?”
“—!”
Subaru’s words, an attempt to change the topic, made Wilhelm’s cheeks faintly stiffen. As the reaction made Subaru’s eyes go wide, his bewilderment was redoubled when Wilhelm did something even more surprising—he suddenly bowed his head deeply in Subaru’s direction.
“Sir Subaru, I must thank you again.”
“H-hey, hold on a sec! I’m seriously trying to thank you here, Wilhelm…”
“No, truly I must. Until now, I have not thought of you as my ally. At the very least, in stating we should continue the alliance with Lady Emilia, my viewpoint was founded upon my own personal reasons. After the fact, I am ashamed at my own audacity in hiding my true thoughts.”
Subaru, not understanding the reason for Wilhelm raking himself over the coals, could only watch as a question mark rose over his head.
In front of Subaru, Wilhelm abruptly pulled an arm out of the sleeve of his jacket. His left shoulder was bandaged; blood slowly oozed out of it that very moment.
“That looks painful. But Ferris should be able to heal a wound like…”
“This wound cannot be healed. It is an untreatable wound inflicted by the blade of one with the blessing of the grim reaper.”
“Untreatable… But, Wilhelm—!”
As Wilhelm shook his head with a grave look on his face, Subaru gaped at him in disbelief. Even Subaru could imagine the terror of a wound that would never close. If gradual blood loss was not stanched, it was the same as putting a countdown on a person’s life.
Subaru was racked with feelings of nervousness, but Wilhelm appeared quite calm.
“My life is not in any jeopardy from this.”
“There’s no way that it isn’t! What the hell can you do about a wound like…?”
“This is not a wound borne from the events of today or yesterday. It is an old wound from much longer ago that has simply reopened—and that fact weighs very heavily upon me.”
Subaru listened to Wilhelm speak in a quiet voice when he realized that his own body was shaking. The shaking had begun with his limbs, but at some point it had spread to even the roots of his teeth. Then he immediately realized the cause: the frighteningly dense aura of hostility given off by the Sword Devil before his eyes.
The Sword Devil continued in a quiet voice. “The power of a wound inflicted by the blessing of the grim reaper increases the closer the victim is to the one who carries the blessing. If they come near one another, even a closed wound will reopen… Such is the nature of the injury.”
“Then the one who gave that wound to you was close by…”
“The one who wounded my left shoulder is the previous Sword Saint.”
Those words made Subaru’s breath catch as he looked at Wilhelm.
A quiet fire was burning in the eyes with which he looked at Subaru. He continued, “This sword wound was opened by my wife, Theresia von Astrea. I must continue to pursue the Witch Cult in order to uncover the truth.”
4
He’d meant to walk without thinking of anything, but before he knew it, he’d once again ended up standing in front of the room where Rem slept.
His feet took him toward her whenever free time allowed it. He knew full well that he was just indulging himself, clinging to Rem as she continued to slumber.
“You told me to be strong, but…it’s like, now that you’re gone, Rem, I can’t find that strength anywhere.”
Morning, noon, or night, the sight of Rem lying there never changed.
She breathed in her sleep. Her heart continued to beat. But beyond those things, there was not even a single proper sign that she was alive. She was there, and yet she was not. By that time, Rem didn’t exist except in Subaru’s heart.
“—”
Subaru sat at Rem’s bedside, looking at her sleeping face as he thought back…
…and remembered when, in an effort to bring Rem back, he’d used a dagger to pierce his own throat.
He could not remember the exact instant in time. But the fact remained that he’d overcome various obstacles, grasping the best possible result for everyone with both hands—and hadn’t hesitated to throw it all away.
If it meant losing Rem, if it meant advancing into a future without her, he didn’t care how many times he had to fight Sloth, how many hells he had to go through…or so he had thought.
After the dagger punched through his throat, he felt himself fading in the face of blood, pain, passion, and loss— Then, when Subaru came to after Returning by Death, the sight of Rem sleeping in bed lay before him.
“…Shit. I never thought there’d be an auto-save just before committing suicide. That’s really messed up.”
Subaru, thinking that the change in restart points must have been some kind of mistake, tried to take his own life again. But when the paradox sank in that, even if he Returned by Death, he could not save Rem, he stopped his impulsive behavior; the dagger fell from Subaru’s hand as he crumpled to the floor.
Even if, via Return by Death, he somehow managed to return to the point before the decisive battle with Petelgeuse, Rem and the others would have already gone their separate way hours before—which meant that no matter what he did, there was no way catch up with Rem before they were attacked on the return journey.
And supposing, by some miracle, he had caught up to them, he had no plan for defeating new Archbishops of the Seven Deadly Sins. Besides, if he went back and left Petelgeuse to his own savage devices, it would mean losing Emilia.
If he tried to save Rem, he’d sacrifice Emilia; if he tried to save Emilia, he’d sacrifice Rem—without sacrificing one, he couldn’t even put his finger on the merest possibility of saving the other.
When Subaru realized the cruel choice facing him, he couldn’t even kill himself anymore.
And so he remained without a plan, doing nothing but lingering close to Rem in the time since—
“—So this is where you were.”
A voice, clear as a bell, abruptly reached Subaru from behind; his shoulders jumped as he looked back. There stood the girl precious to him gazing at him with a thin smile on her lips—a girl he’d left alone for the last several hours.
Even he wasn’t pathetic enough to say something like, What are you doing here? I’m busy.
“Emilia…? You need something?”
“Do I…need anything in particular to come? I’m supposed to be close to that girl…to Miss Rem, as well, right?”
“Miss Rem, huh?”
Emilia walked to the bed and peered at Rem from Subaru’s side. It felt odd hearing Emilia add an honorific to Rem’s name as she stroked her own silver hair.
“Ah, that’s right,” murmured Emilia in response to Subaru’s words. “I called her just by her name, didn’t I?”
“You were Roswaal’s guest, Emilia-tan. She’s Ram’s little sister, so no need to explain, right?”
“Mm, I understand that much. I mean, she looks just like Ram. There’s no way you could be wrong.”
The image of Ram was probably in the back of Emilia’s mind as she gazed at Rem’s sleeping face. The twin sisters were two peas in a pod. Aside from their hair and eye colors, facial expressions, and the sizes of their breasts, they looked exactly the same.
The very late realization that Ram had no doubt forgotten Rem as well tore deeply at Subaru’s chest.
“Subaru, you haven’t slept at all, have you? You really should rest a little.”
“I’m not tired, really. It’s not like I’m actually doing anything.”
“But you really want to do something, don’t you? If you keep your mind tense like that, your body will be the next to go. So please.”
The echo of her heartfelt plea finally made Subaru look in Emilia’s direction. When their gazes met, for the first time since she had entered the room, Subaru’s breath caught at the sullen look in her violet eyes.
Then he finally understood just why Emilia had come.
“I’m pretty pathetic, huh?”
“No, not at all. You’ve been a reeeally huge help to me. Really-really.”
Emilia shook her head at Subaru’s self-deprecation. From the beginning she’d been concerned about Subaru running himself ragged. With Subaru pushing himself too hard, she’d come to give him a gentle touch.
With Subaru seated in his chair, Emilia sat down herself; their gazes met as she earnestly tried to weave her words.
“I won’t say something like I’m sure it’ll all work out. I can’t promise such a thing. I want to understand your feelings, Subaru…but I don’t know anything about a girl I’ve forgotten, so if I say anything, I think it’ll just hurt you.”
“—”
“But I do know this—you can’t worry about Rem and shoulder that burden alone. Subaru, let me share that burden with you.”
“Emilia…”
Emilia’s surprising words made Subaru’s eyes widen in astonishment.
To Subaru, Emilia was truly speaking completely beyond his expectations.
“But you don’t even remember anything about her…”
“Is it wrong to want to do something, even if I don’t? She’s a precious-enough girl to you to give you such a sad face, isn’t she? Subaru, is it so strange that I want to help?”
“—”
“I want to help you in the same way that you helped me. If you’re hurt, I want to do something for you. That’s normal, isn’t it?”
He could trust those feelings and approach them without hesitation; that affection needed no doubts.
For the first time, Subaru’s stubbornness fell away, dissolved by the words Emilia had gone out of her way to speak. When he realized that, he thought himself a real idiot for having been so obstinate in the first place.
“…You really are something, Emilia-tan.”
“Really? I feel like you’re reeeally amazing, too, Subaru.”
“Nah, no way— I’m glad you’re here, Emilia.”
Emilia’s face went blank when Subaru slipped that last part in. Subaru made a strained smile at her demeanor, looking like she almost understood, but not quite. And when it dawned on Subaru that his lips were forming a smile, he finally realized…
—This was the first heartfelt emotion he’d experienced since he learned that Rem was asleep.
“Emilia, there’s something I’d like to ask of you…”
“What is it?”
“Can you turn around? I’m gonna cry a bit.”
“Mm-hmm, got it.”
Emilia asked nothing more, turning her back to Subaru as he had asked.
Her consideration was a relief to Subaru as his gaze fell to his own knees. He gave in to the emotions surging inside him; he sniffled, and tears fell.
As Rem continued to sleep before him, he’d wasted time, beating himself up over his own powerlessness. Emilia, too, was concerned for Rem, yet he’d never even noticed.
Because he was the only one who remembered Rem, he’d convinced himself that he was the only person concerned about her, and that only he could save her.
Subaru continued sniffling at his own stupidity.
And then…
“?”
In that quiet room, filled only with the sound of his own sobbing, Subaru’s throat caught from the abrupt sensation of warmth.
From behind, over the back of the chair, Emilia embraced Subaru, gently stroking his head.
“?”
She said nothing. She didn’t have to.
Saved by her simple act of kindness, Subaru stanched the flow of both his tears and his whining.
And then, in that moment, he made an oath.
“I’ll bring you back. Count on it, Rem.”
He had told her before.
He, the man she’d fallen in love with, would stand before her as the greatest hero of all.
Wasn’t he still only partway down that road?
“I’ll definitely… Your hero is definitely coming for you—just you wait.”
This was both a promise to himself, and his declaration of war against the enemy called fate.
Any who stood before Subaru Natsuki while doing evil, encroaching upon that which was not theirs to sully, would be pounded flat.
And it would be Subaru Natsuki who would do it.
“There’s no doubt—no doubt!!”
In the time starting from zero, losing someone precious like you…is unthinkable.
That’s why I’ll get them back.
The days lost. The time I spent walking with you. The time I wanted to spend walking with you.
I’ll bring them back again with my own two hands, so just wait, Rem…
<END>
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