Ryuuou no Oshigoto! - Volume 3 - Chapter 4

  THE PAIN OF VICTORY

Ai beat Mio during today’s Practice League playing with the upper player’s handicap.

That’s what the drenched and bawling Ai managed to say between sobs.

“…… Mio, she was acting strange before the match too …… and I’ve never played without my Lance before, and was confused but …… Mio, couldn’t keep up ……”

In the end, she said Mio lost because she shot herself in the foot too many times.

“Right after she said, I lost ……, Mio started crying her eyes out sitting in front of the board …… She’s never done that, I, I didn’t know what to do ……”

Mio held a higher rank in the Practice League when Ai joined. She also helped my apprentice get her bearings, feeling it was her duty as the experienced one.

Since she’d lost to Ai in an even match before, she probably knew that Ai was better than her.

Even still …… I doubt she expected to lose with a handicap on her side.

She must’ve figured it out. She had to know Ai was special. That her talent was on another level.

But losing to a girl her own age, one who started playing Shogi long after she did—like Ai—hurts like nothing else. Getting overtaken by her in the Practice League, then losing with a handicap …… I bet that’s so painful, she doesn’t want to play another round of Shogi. I can relate to that pain. I’ve felt it before.

No matter how strong your opponent is, losing hurts every time. That’s Shogi.

I don’t consider myself to be anywhere near the top Shogi players in terms of skill. I’m just a lucky guy who got hot at the right time and claimed a title. My skills are still at the bottom of the pro barrel … I’m well aware.

Even so. Even though I know.

Say I play against an absolute overlord like the Meijin, say I put up an epic fight: I’d still cry out in pain if I lost. That’s what Shogi is, so everyone fights with everything they’ve got. No matter what we do, we play to win every time.

Losing hurts, okay? It hurts really bad! It’s the single most painful, saddest feeling in the world!!

But right now, the one who just won the match, Ai …… is crying harder than she ever has after a loss, her face dark and dreary.

“I, I …… didn’t know that winning could hurt like this ……”

“Ai ……”

Here stands my soaking wet, sobbing nine-year-old apprentice.

A fourth-grade girl so kindhearted she regrets hurting her precious friend’s heart, and feels so much pain in her own it made her cry.

To that young girl, I say, “Would you lose for her?”

“Huh ……?”

“Would you throw the game for her when you have a handicap? Would you be satisfied losing on purpose, acting sad and upset just so that Mio would be happy?”

“N-No ……! I, I could never ……”

I’m sure she was expecting me to comfort her.

She expected that I, her Master, would be able to do something about the searing pain that won’t go away. She dragged her broken heart all the way to me, believing that I could fix it.

I wanted to give her a big hug.

I wanted to tell her to take a hot bath, wanted to say all the nice things I could, tell her: It’s not your fault, and wipe away her tears. It’d make me feel better too.

However, I kept her standing, soaking wet in the chilly doorway and said the harshest words I have ever said to her.

Because I believe that’s what I have to do as her Master.

“There’s nothing wrong with sympathy. People who don’t feel sympathy for the loser break down when they become one themselves.”

“……”

“But, Ai. There’s only one thing you should think about when you sit in front of a Shogi board. That’s squeezing every last bit of strength and skill you possess into every move: and win. Everything else is just a distraction. As your Master, I won’t allow you to think about anything else in front of a board.”

Back when I was feeling the same pain, Master said those exact words to me.

Now I say them in the exact same tone, the exact same way to Ai.

“If you’re a person who’s afraid to win, there’s no need to keep suffering like this. I’ll release you right here and now. Pack up your things and go back to where you came from!!”

“……!”

My words were so sharp that a fresh wave of tears started building in her eyes.

This isn’t some scare tactic. I’m serious.

“…… I knew someone just like you, back in the Sub League,” Mr. Oishi said gently after quietly waiting for me to finish.

“He had talent, talent like you wouldn’t believe. He and I were in the same year in school, and rivals as far back as I can remember. He had double … triple the talent I did, and everyone believed that he would turn professional just as strongly as that the sun would rise in the east tomorrow morning …… But, on the same day he became 3-dan, he quit the Sub League.”

“Why ……? He was so close–––.”

“This is what he told me: I love Shogi. But I hate using it to hurt people, to make them feel horrible. …… He studied like mad after that day and became a doctor, a pediatrician.”

Everyone knows this story in the Kansai Shogi world. That doctor took care of me and Big Sis whenever we got sick. He played Shogi with us too …… and always lost for us.

That’s one way to live your life.

Actually, that’s the more respectable way to live your life.

Shogi is nothing more than a game. It can’t do anything to help people. It does nothing to advance society. Quite the opposite, it wastes precious energy and produces nothing in return: worse than pointless.

But for us, Shogi is everything.

“To us, a life without Shogi isn’t worth living. There’s no point to it if we can’t play. And if Shogi is taken away from us, there’s nothing left. Shogi is all we need.”

With that in our hearts, we throw everything else away and fight.

Doesn’t matter if it’s the pros, Sub League, the Practice League or amateurs.

The people who believe that with all their hearts are true Shogi players.

“We can’t lose. It doesn’t matter who we’re playing. Then there’s no need to think about anything else. Am I right?”

“…… Yes!” Ai nods.

Trying to never shed another tear in front of her Master, to never cry out in pain again …… She clenches her little fists and bites down hard on her lip, eyes focused … all while trembling like a wet puppy.

Ai is determined to stay with me, to not give me a reason to throw her out. Her mind is set on winning.

But that does nothing to heal her bleeding heart.

We inflict wounds on each other’s hearts to get stronger. Our hearts get covered with scabs, but they’ll come back with thicker skin than ever before once they heal. Just like broken bones heal stronger than they were before the break, wounded hearts come back stronger than they used to be.

On the other hand, if a wounded heart takes another hit before it can heal …… it will shatter into pieces and their fighting spirit will never come back.

“Whew ……”

My face didn’t relax until my apprentice disappeared into the women’s changing room. Scolding is hard work …… 

But the real hard part is just getting started.

Mio is the grade schooler practice session leader. If Ai and Mio’s relationship falls apart, it’ll affect the other girls as well.

People who were too strong to begin with tend to strike out on their own once they start feeling jealousy and rejection coming their way. It takes a strong mind to fight that battle. I’d really hate to see Ai leave the group …… 

“…… She’s a good kid, that Ai,” said Mr. Oishi profoundly, coming back to the lobby after opening the baths early for Ai. It’s just the two of us again.

“She’s got a strong spirit and always tries her best. Kids like that go far. You don’t have to worry about her. It might be a while before she comes back to using Ranging Rook though ……”

Ai was practicing Ranging Rook here to get ready to be down a piece during Practice League matches, but she did a little too well and hurt her best friend with those skills.

That’ll be a vice, one that’ll probably clamp down on her potential for a while.

Shogi isn’t some simple game where you level up with experience every time you win. The way you win can weigh on your heart, and that weight can hold you back.

“Yoshitsune Kuruno is the head of the Practice League, right? He’ll know how to follow this up. He’s a Ranging Rooker too.”

True, it’s good to know that Kuruno-sensei will be there. But I don’t see what him playing Ranging Rook has anything to do with it …… 

“…… Yeah. I think Ai’ll be fine. The problem is–––.”

“The kid that got beat ……”

“…… It seems that Mio has been in a slump.”

I sigh as I think back on how she was acting upstairs not too long ago. If only I’d picked up on it that day …… 

“She was going against her usual style, trying to play anaguma. But rather than breaking out of her slump, trying to change things up just made it worse. It sure didn’t help that–––.”

“She was watching Ai get better every day, I bet. That kind of thing happens all the time.”

“You’re right about that. Happens all too often.”

This isn’t just a problem for children. Even in the pros, I’ve heard about players getting so hung up on a rival that’s too good and they end up tripping over their own feet.

Talent is like a typhoon.

In the very center where the person is, everything is quiet and calm. But anyone who happens to be nearby gets blown over …… 

“Yaichi, ever gone head-to-head with the Meijin ……?”

“Not yet. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad ……”

“Playing against him, it doesn’t matter if you win or lose. You will go into a slump. It’s always because he does something you would never try when he plays. It’s inspiring, so much so that you want to give it a go yourself and end up losing your balance trying to reach too far …… Do that enough times, and you learn.”

“Learn what ……?”

“That no matter what you try, you could never reach him.”

“……”

“It’s all well and good if you win because you get the feeling that things’ll work out even if you can’t reach that level. You won’t, but there’s still hope. Losing, on the other hand, it’s devastating. That last little sliver of hope gets crushed, and you can’t win against him again … ever. Even if some people win their first few matches, the vast majority keep losing against him because he poisons their spirits during battle.”

“Poison?”

“Yeah. Poison. The kind called despair and resignation. He’s been seeping that poison into our spirits, rotting our hopes and dreams from the inside.”

Rotting spirits, poison …… 

I feel like I just got a taste of what the Meijin can do. Mr. Oishi’s words carry a lot of weight because he’s experienced it himself. 

“The only thing you get out of losing is that miserable realization. No amount of losing Shogi matches will make you stronger. You get worse. If there’s part of you that still feels like you can win, that’s only because you haven’t played him yet. That’s all.”

“Thanks for the tip, but it’s still too early for me to think about playing against him. There’s no telling when it’ll happen.”

“That’s a lie.”

“……!”

“Natagiri is his training partner. The two of them are All-Rounders with a Static Rook playing style. Natagiri is basically Meijin-lite. And the main reason you wanted to pick up Ranging Rook wasn’t to prepare to face Natagiri or for placement matches.”

“………”

“To win against the Meijin, yeah? You’re anticipating that he’ll show up to challenge you in the Ryuo League. You’d better brace yourself. If you can’t win against Natagiri, your chances against the Meijin are a big fat zero … probably won’t win one victory off him.”

“…… Do you think, I can win? The way I am now? …… Against Mr. Natagiri.”

I didn’t ask about the Meijin because I already knew the answer.

“In terms of talent, you have a distinct advantage. Pretty sure I said it before, but Natagiri is the least talented professional I’ve ever met.”

“But, then how is it that he made it into A League?”

There are only ten players in A League. That’s all.

The best of the best, with only the Meijin above them.

I may be at the top of the Shogi world with the title of Ryuo, but in terms of rank, I’m near the bottom of C-2, tenth from last to be exact. Even if I were to somehow keep winning enough to advance into A League starting right now, it would take at least four years to get there. That’s how far they are above me.

Just like the way I looked down on him when we first played, I don’t think Mr. Natagiri is A League material either. Pretty much everyone in the Shogi world would agree that, if it weren’t for his research, he’d be nothing at all …… 

“Please, tell me Maestro. What’s Mr. Natagiri’s secret?”

“…… We were just talking about talent and effort, yeah? Remember what I said?”

“Of course. Everyone’s pushing themselves to their limit in the Sub League, so in the end it’s talent that determines who becomes a professional …… Or something like that?”

“That it was. Every single professional gave as much effort as they had to make it out of the Sub League. However, very few maintain that level of effort in the professional leagues.”

“So, Mr. Natagiri kept working that hard even after he left?”

“Nope. He tries even harder.”

“……!”

“He played Static Rook back in the Sub League, and only yagura style at that. He became an All-Rounder after joining the professional ranks. He took a lot of heat, everyone saying, Talentless people like you don’t deserve to imitate the Meijin, but that didn’t stop him …… Until one day his flawless understanding of every battle strategy caught the Meijin’s attention, when he chose him as a training partner.”

Mr. Oishi keeps going. His voice sounds like saying it out loud made him feel queasy.

“His level of grit isn’t human. It’s abnormal. No matter how many times you flatten him into dust, you prove that your talent is leagues ahead of his, he comes right back like a zombie: a stronger zombie too. That’s why I hate that guy. Because every time I look at him, it makes me feel like I’m slacking off.”

“……”

“As a training partner, Natagiri is constantly being poisoned by the Meijin’s talent. But rather than rot, he keeps getting stronger. He has the ability to acknowledge another person’s talent and then blend their playing style with his own. It’s all part of his research, taking their best attacks head-on and learning from his mistakes. That’s why he loves playing against good, talented players. Yaichi: think he has his eye on you?”

“…… Well, I kind of have that feeling ……”

Is that what that was? I think he had his eye on me in a different way but …… 

“Losing doesn’t scare Natagiri. It’s not that his Shogi is that strong, it’s his spirit. That’s why his research is so in-depth, his Shogi repertoire is so deep. He’s not your average researcher. He’s just as muddy and bone-headedly stubborn as the rest of us here in Kansai, a genuine Shogi player.”

A genuine …… Shogi player …… 

“You asked me what Natagiri’s secret was, yeah? There is no secret. He works harder than anyone else. He’s committed his life to Shogi, no joke. He is strong because he’s putting in more effort than anyone else. Only natural, don’t you think?”

Stronger, because he’s trying harder than anyone.

Sounds natural, but not many people can naturally do what he’s doing.

“That being said, the one thing that can overcome effort is talent. The fourth junior high school professional and youngest title holder in history …… It pisses me off, but your talent is the real deal. Seeing you pick up Ranging Rook firsthand, if there was any doubt before, it’s gone now.”

“……”

“Your talent against Natagiri’s effort. Looking at it objectively, I’d say that Natagiri has a slight edge on you but …… the match will come down to how much your Ranging Rook rattles him.”

My Ranging Rook …… is the key?

I may have learned from the Worldly Maestro, but my Ranging Rook is just a sharpened stick. Nothing compared to the tempered steel that Mr. Natagiri has forged.

However, I’ve decided to bet everything on my underdeveloped skills.

Nothing will happen if I don’t take that first step.

“…… By the way, Mr. Oishi. About what you were going to say before, about Asuka not being fit to play Shogi–––.”

“She’s too kind. A lot like Ai. The difference is that Ai has talent, Asuka does not.”

Mr. Oishi seems really hung up on talent, but there is a reason for it.

“There’s only one way to heal a broken heart. Winning. People with talent get better, so they’ll start winning again sooner or later. Without talent, however, people will just keep losing. That’s horrible, don’t you think? What’s wrong with a father protecting his daughter from that kind of torture?”

That’s not right. Part of me felt that way.

But I didn’t say a word against him. And something occurred to me.

If we had this conversation before I took an apprentice, I probably would’ve spoken up–––.