Seirei no Moribito - Volume 2 - Chapter 2.4

CHAPTER IV THE ERMINE RIDERS 

“How many times do I have to tell you? Never let down your guard! Never, never turn your back on an enemy, even if you think you’ve beaten him!” 
Balsa opened her eyes with a start. Jiguro? 
But she heard nothing more. A white blur hovered before her eyes, and she felt weights pressing against her chest and back. Gradually her mind cleared and she remembered where she was. She was lying on her side on a mountain in Musa territory, where she had fallen between the rocks. She still felt numb, but judging from the fact that she was alive, the poison had not been enough to kill her. 
With relief, she found that she could move her right arm, which was pinned beneath her. She squirmed and wriggled, gasping for breath, until she managed to sit up. Leaning back against the rock, she pulled her legs toward her and breathed deeply. 
The tops of the bumpy crags above her glowed white. The moon must have risen, she thought. But it was more than the moon; everything around her seemed unnaturally bright. Occasionally she heard the pitter-patter of a mouse or some other little creature running, and then the beating of owl wings in pursuit. Perhaps the poison in her veins had lent her this extraordinary perception. 
Now what am I going to do? She gazed at the strange moonlit world. When she was captured, she had intended to let Dom and Kahm take her to Yuguro. But she realized now that Yuguro would never risk being stripped of his mask as a hero. He would never give her a chance to defend herself, but would kill her first, finding some excuse to justify his actions. 
She knew from bitter experience that authority meant power. She might be skilled as a warrior, but she did not stand a chance against a man as influential as Yuguro. If one person could really make a difference, she, Jiguro, and her father would not have been forced to suffer. I guess all I can do is escape with my life…. 
She thought of the years she and Jiguro had spent on the run. To thwart Rogsam by escaping his clutches, to survive, was the only way to show defiance. What an insignificant life! A deep sadness rose inside her. Never to produce anything, never to create something, to live only to survive, like the rock mice that flee from the owl…. 
Just then she glimpsed a tiny flicker of light in the shadow of a boulder. A firefly? she wondered. But it was far too cold for fireflies, and they lived near water, not on the dry, craggy slopes. Suddenly it shot off, leaving a long trail of pale blue light in its wake. It bounced onto the top of one rock and then quickly flitted to another. 
She recalled a story her mother had told her when she was very young. Never go up the rocks when the moon is bright. That’s when the Titi Lan, the Ermine Riders, go hunting. The Titi Lan are small but fierce. If you disrupt their hunt, they’ll curse you and you’ll lose your mind. 
It can’t be, Balsa thought. Looking around, she noticed many other bright specks flitting here and there. She watched them intently, being careful not to give herself away. Ordinarily, it would have been too dark to see, but with the poison in her veins, the scene unfolded clearly, like something out of a dream. 
A small ermine stood across from her on top of a rock. The light of the moon gleamed like frost on its smooth fur. On its back sat a tiny little man. In his right hand, he held a slender spear, and in his left, a long-handled light. The handle, she realized, was actually a stem with a flower dangling from the end. Something inside the blossom glowed with a soft blue light. 
The ermine and its rider both lifted their faces and sniffed the air. Balsa prayed that they would not detect her scent. She saw them tense suddenly and watched as a beetle, drawn perhaps by the light, flew toward them. The little man’s spear pierced it faster than sight, but it was too big for him to handle. He struggled desperately to capture the flapping insect, which was almost half his size. 
Balsa heard the beat of wings and glanced up. An owl was diving straight for the Titi Lan. Without pausing to think, she grabbed a small stone that lay beneath her hand and threw it at the owl. It missed, but the startled bird veered upward. Alerted by the flapping of its wings, the Titi Lan and his mount disappeared under the boulder in a flash. 
Balsa heaved a sigh. Had that really happened, or was the poison making her hallucinate? By now, she was fairly sure she had a fever. Because she had sweated so much earlier, the chill of the night air pierced her all the more, and yet it would not do to light a fire. The cold was beginning to take its toll. She slid her back down the rock until she was lying on the ground. 
She dozed off, then woke suddenly, sensing something in the darkness. Still, however, she felt no danger. Opening her eyes slowly, she saw in front of her a blue light … and a very small face. 
A youth with white hair and red eyes was staring at her. He was so small, he could have fit inside her hand, but his face was perfectly proportioned. His clothes were made of grass fiber and insect wings. “Toh Lan, Big Hunter,” he greeted her in Kanbalese, in a voice that sounded like an insect chirping. Balsa blinked gently to show that she was listening, afraid that he would vanish if she spoke. 
“Thank you for saving my life. Now Titi Lan will repay you by saving your life.” His eyes strayed to the cut on her shoulder and then back to her face. “That smells of togal, the poison that the Toh Kal, the Big Brothers, use to fight eagles. They have the antidote. I’ll bring them to you.” 
Balsa shook her head slightly. In the quietest voice possible, she whispered, “I thank you for your kindness, but the Big Hunters are hunting me. Please don’t bring them.” 

Titi Lan smiled. “I didn’t say that I would bring the Big Hunters. I said I would bring the Big Brothers.” He stepped back a few paces. Putting his fingers to his mouth, he whistled sharply. A similar whistle sounded from the shadows, followed by another, and then another farther away, as if a messenger was running ahead. Shortly after, she heard a whistle that was louder than those of the Titi Lan, and then several footsteps. 
Through the haze of fever, she saw a face gazing at her. It belonged to an old man as small as a child. The Herder People, she thought. She remembered the young Herder boys with whom she used to play and climb the mountains as a child. 
She heard the old man say quietly, “Titi Lan, Ermine Rider, we came when we heard your whistle. But who’s this?” 
“I don’t know,” the Titi Lan responded. “But she saved my life when I was attacked by an owl, so I wish to save hers. She has been poisoned with togal. She said she’s being hunted.” 
Balsa felt a hand placed gently on her wound. “It smells of togal all right. And of iron. She must have been hit by a spear…. Chil Kal, Little Brother, we’ll take care of her. Go back to your hunt while the moon is still bright.” 
“Many thanks, Toh Kal! Long may your goats thrive and leap on the mountains.” 
His voice was the last thing Balsa remembered as she faded from consciousness. 
 
She was once again twenty-four years old, and Jiguro was dying. His face had grown thin and gaunt, wasted by illness. She found the sight of him hard to bear. It seemed so unfair that this man, who had sacrificed so much for her, should now be tormented by disease. His eyes were closed, and she whispered fervently in his ear, “I promise you, I’ll atone for my father’s sin. I’ll save the lives of eight men to make up for what he did. Please, rest easy.” 
He opened his eyes a crack and looked at Balsa. “It’s much harder to help people than to kill them,” he said. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, Balsa.” A smile touched his lips. “I’ll sink beneath the Yusa mountains, the mother range, and atone for my sins myself.” Grasping his hand, she closed her eyes and clenched her teeth. Jiguro returned her grip. 
“Balsa, I’ve been thinking while I was lying here dreaming. I’ve been asking myself whether I would have made a different choice at any point in my life.” She looked at him quickly and saw that his eyes were smiling. “And I came to the conclusion that I’d still choose the same path, even if I were given the chance to return to my youth and start all over again. I’ve always chosen the only road possible. So I have no regrets.” 
He clasped her hand more tightly still. “My one concern is that I couldn’t set you free. I couldn’t erase my own shadow from your heart.” 
Balsa put her other hand over his, wrapping it in both her hands. “That I will do myself.” 
Jiguro’s smile deepened. “You’ve always had an anger that burned deep inside you. It’s helped you, yet it’s also been a curse. If you can just get through to the other side of that anger, you’ll be more at peace.” 
 
Balsa dreamed again — this time that someone lifted her up and carried her underground. She heard many voices whispering and tasted bitter water. She swallowed, and as the liquid seeped through her, her body gradually relaxed. 
 
Far into the night, when all was silent and cold, Balsa regained consciousness briefly. Between the rocks, she glimpsed the sky, pale blue with the dawn. As she gazed at it, she felt her mind grow clear and empty. Maybe it’s time to break through my anger. Instead of running from the owl’s talons, she would run up them, and sink her teeth into the owl’s neck. Only then would it understand the rock rat’s pain. 
I have no noble reason. I just want to get even. That’s all. She smiled bitterly. She could see this now so clearly…. She would follow this meaningless but undeniable feeling to the very end and see what was on the other side. 
She fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.