Chapter 4 – Our Memories
1
They took the outbound Tokaido Line from Fujisawa Station, riding it about an hour west—roughly thirty-one miles. Silver cars with two stripes around them—one green, one orange—carried them through Kanagawa Prefecture to Shizuoka Prefecture’s Atami, a city famous for its hot springs.
It was now seven PM.
They needed to know.
What was happening to Mai?
Who could see her? Who still remembered her?
At first, they had believed these Adolescence Syndrome symptoms were centered strictly on Mai herself. The question now was the scale of this phenomenon making Mai suffer. How far did it reach?
On the way here, they’d gotten off the train at Chigasaki and Odawara Stations, but nobody had been able to see Mai.
Sakuta had asked a few people about her. “Huh?” “Who?” “Never heard of her.” “I don’t know the new kids.” No positive responses. When they reached Atami Station, he tried again but with no change.
It seemed everyone really had forgotten Mai Sakurajima. It was like they’d never known about her.
Mai watched them all without emotion. There wasn’t a single hint of surprise, grief, or fear in her calm that seemed like the undisturbed surface of a placid lake.
On the platform in Atami Station, Sakuta stared up at the electronic sign displaying the train schedule.
They had to change trains to go any farther, even though it was still the Tokaido Line. The train they’d taken here made its last stop at Atami.
He knew there was one bound for Shimada arriving at 7:11. He had no idea where that was or even what prefecture it was in. But from the map of the line, he knew it was farther west than Shizuoka. That was enough.
Six minutes until the train left. They had a little time.
“I’m gonna call my sister,” Sakuta said.
He ran over to the pay phone by the station shop. He inserted a coin and lifted the receiver. After punching in a number, he listened to it ring.
After a minute, it went to the answering machine.
“Kaede, it’s me.”
Kaede never answered calls from anyone but Sakuta, so he always had to talk through the answering machine first.
“Hello! This is Kaede.”
“Good, you’re still up.”
“It’s only seven!” Even without seeing her, he could tell she’d puffed out her cheeks. “What’s up?”
“Sorry. I’m not gonna make it home tonight.”
“Huh?”
“Had to go pretty far out for something.”
“Wh-what sort of thing?”
“Well…” He hesitated but decided he should ask her. “Kaede, you remember the girl who came over the other day? Mai Sakurajima?”
“First I’ve heard of it.”
She shot him down like it was nothing.
“……”
The next words wouldn’t come. He bit his lip, waiting for the roiling inside him to subside.
“Tell me, who is that?” Kaede asked, sounding jealous.
Sakuta barely heard her. Having someone he knew force him to face the truth was especially painful. Fumika Nanjou had been bad, too. This was far worse than having strangers say they’d never heard of Mai.
Memories they’d shared were really vanishing. That made it personal. It became far more real to him.
“Well, if you don’t remember, that’s fine,” he managed. “You’ll have to make do with the instant ramen in the kitchen cabinet for dinner. Eat any flavor you like. Make sure you feed Nasuno. And don’t forget to brush your teeth before bed. I’ll call again. Good night.”
“Uh, what? Wait—!”
The ten-yen coin he’d put in the phone ran out halfway through her yelp, and they were disconnected.
Plus, it was almost time for the train to arrive.
“Let’s go, Mai.”
“Yes, let’s.”
Sakuta and Mai boarded the train resting on platform two, bound for Shimada.
2
The train left Atami, skirting the Pacific coast as it headed farther west. They changed again at Shimada Station and Toyohashi Station, leaving Shizuoka for Aichi Prefecture. They traveled hundreds of miles, heading toward Gifu Prefecture.
As they went, Sakuta asked people from these places he’d never been to before about Mai, but he didn’t find a single person who knew Mai Sakurajima or even one who’d ever seen her.
Now they were rattling along on a train bound for Ogaki.
That was probably as far as they could investigate today. It would be after midnight by the time they arrived. Each stop left fewer passengers onboard.
The wheels emitted a grinding sound as they traveled along the rails. There was a gentle rattling that came from the vibrating joints. As the noise of the crowds thinned, the ambient sounds turned into lullabies.
A box seat meant for four emptied out, and Sakuta and Mai sat together on one side of it.
“Second-highest population in Gifu Prefecture, after Gifu City,” Mai suddenly said, staring at her phone’s screen.
“What is?”
There were barely any other passengers left in their car. Maybe three, seated some distance away. It felt like he and Mai were alone.
“Ogaki.”
“Oh.”
He could easily hear her, even when she spoke softly.
“It says they also have lots of groundwater.”
“Well, I’m always up for good water.”
“……”
“……”
When they fell silent, the sounds of the train filled the gap. It was too dark outside to enjoy any kind of view, but Mai still leaned her elbow on the little table beneath the window frame, staring at the strange lands passing beyond.
A good ten minutes went by without either saying a word.
“Hey, Sakuta…”
“What is it?”
“Can you see me?”
Her eyes, reflected in the windowpane, caught Sakuta’s profile.
“I can see you.”
“And hear me?”
“I can.”
“Do you remember me?”
“You’re Mai Sakurajima. A third-year student at Kanagawa’s own Minegahara High. A famous child actress who went on to do a whole lot more.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“As a result of her childhood celebrity, she’s become rather twisted and incapable of sharing her true feelings.”
“Who? Me?”
“You’re scared, but you’re trying to hide it.”
With that, Sakuta reached out and took her hand.
Mai raised her eyebrows, surprised. Her gaze dropped to their hands.
“I didn’t say you could hold my hand.”
“But I want to.”
“……”
“I feel like I deserve a little reward here.”
“…Then go ahead.”
Mai turned her gaze back to the window, but her fingers slid between his.
Like boyfriend and girlfriend.
A little bit embarrassing. A little bit thrilling.
“Don’t get used to it,” Mai said.
He was pretty sure she was blushing. But she was also getting a kick out of the look on his face.
Eventually, the announcer informed them the next stop was Ogaki. End of the line.
They held hands until the train stopped.
When they stepped onto the platform in Ogaki Station, it was 12:40 AM—a new day.
He asked an attendant about Mai, received a “Never heard of her,” and then they exited through the gates.
They picked the south exit at random, walked as far as the bus terminal, and stopped there. Sakuta had been worried it would be the sort of station with nothing around, but this seemed like it was in the heart of the city. There were buildings and businesses all over. It wouldn’t be too hard to find a place to stay.
Only question was where to spend the night. Alone, Sakuta would have used a manga café in lieu of a hotel, but he didn’t want to take Mai there. More importantly, that option went right out the window when Mai said “I really need a bath” as they stepped off the train.
Sakuta felt the same.
They’d spent a lot of time in the salt breeze on Shichirigahama, and he could definitely use a shower. His clothes felt sticky, and he was pretty sure they both smelled like salt.
He considered a few options but decided the safest bet was the business hotel across from the station.
He asked if they had rooms, and the man at the desk gave him a deeply suspicious glare. A totally normal reaction when a high school boy with no luggage wanted to rent a room in the middle of the night.
But he got through the check-in process just fine. He paid for the night in advance to avoid further suspicion.
Since the clerk couldn’t see Mai, there was no need to check her in. Sakuta turned to make sure she was fine with sharing a room, but she was already headed to the elevators.
The elevator was waiting for them, so they stepped inside and rode it to the sixth floor.
Their room was at the end of the hall. Room 601.
When Sakuta got stuck trying to figure out how to use a card key, Mai reached out and opened the door for him.
“You push it all the way in, then pull it out.”
Sakuta tried it himself. It just didn’t feel right. He didn’t get the sense that he had opened anything. But like Mai said, the door undeniably cracked open.
It was a single room. One bed. A dinky little table with a mirror. And a chair in front of that. There was also a nineteen-inch TV, a tiny refrigerator, and a pot.
This was the definition of cramped. The bed took up maybe 70 percent of the space.
When he said as much, Mai scoffed, saying, “This is typical.”
She sat down on the bed, used the remote to turn the TV on, then peeled off her boots. Legs swinging, she flipped through all the channels before turning it off.
Mai let herself fall backward onto the bed. She must have been exhausted. They’d spent the whole day sitting, but that had been more than enough to wear Sakuta out. His whole body felt weary.
“I’m gonna take a bath,” Mai announced, sitting up.
“Go right ahead.”
“No peeping.”
“Don’t worry. I get three meals worth on the sounds of the shower alone.”
“……”
Mai pointed silently at the door. A clear sign for him to leave.
“Allowing a younger boy to hear the sounds of your shower and writhe in agony is a pleasure reserved for the confident older woman.”
“F-fine! I knew that. Obviously.” Mai snorted like she’d always intended as much. “Just don’t do anything weird out here.”
“Weird how?”
He knew what she meant, of course.
“By weird, I mean weird! Don’t make me spell it out!”
She turned her back and headed into the bathroom. The door slammed behind her. He heard a loud click as she turned the lock.
“That was really cute.”
Eventually, he heard the shower start.
Listening to it with half an ear, Sakuta examined the room’s phone. It seemed like it could handle outbound calls.
He picked up the receiver and dialed his friend’s cell—the one number he had memorized.
Halfway through the third ring, a familiar voice came on the line.
“You know what time it is?” Yuuma asked, sounding sleepy.
“One sixteen AM.”
There was a clock built into the bed.
“I know!”
“Were you asleep?”
“Sound asleep! Practice and work wore me out.”
“This is an emergency. I need your help.”
“With what?”
“One question first—do you remember Mai Sakurajima?”
He didn’t have much hope. He’d asked dozens…maybe hundreds…of people about Mai without ever getting the answer he hoped for.
“Huh? Of course.”
“Yeah, figured you didn’t,” he replied, answering on reflex.
“What? Of course I do,” Yuuma insisted, still sounding sleepy.
Sakuta’s brain started spinning. What had Yuuma just said?
“Kunimi!”
“Ugh, why are you yelling?”
“You remember Mai Sakurajima?! The Mai Sakurajima?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
He didn’t know the reason. It made no sense. But Sakuta had finally found what he was looking for, in the way he least expected. Delight and surprise had his heart racing so fast it hurt.
“Is that it? Can I go back to sleep?”
“Wait. Gimme Futaba’s number.”
“Uh, sure…”
Yuuma was starting to wake up. Grumbling, he read out Rio Futaba’s cell phone number. Sakuta found a pad by the phone and scribbled it down.
“You’re gonna call her now, Sakuta?”
“That’s why I asked.”
“She’s gonna be pissed if you do.”
“Don’t worry. I would be, too.”
“Then, fine. You owe me lunch for this. Futaba, too.”
“Got it. Good night.”
“Yeah…night…”
Yuuma hung up.
Sakuta immediately dialed Rio’s number. She answered.
“This is Azusagawa,” he said.
“Do you know what time it is?” she complained grumpily. But she spoke clearly—maybe she was actually still up?
“One nineteen AM.”
“One twenty-one. Your clock is slow.”
“Oh, really?” You’d think a business hotel would get that right. “Got a minute? I need your advice on something.”
“You’ve got yourself in trouble again, right?”
“I dunno if it counts as trouble.”
“I can hear a shower running. Is that Sakurajima?”
“…How’d you know?”
That was way too on point. And something about it was bugging him.
“Your adorable sister wouldn’t be taking a shower this late. And I can tell from the caller ID you aren’t at home.”
As she spoke, he realized what was wrong.
“Futaba, you remember Sakurajima, too? You know her?”
He had to be sure.
“Why would I not know someone that famous? Are you a total idiot?”
“Something incredibly dumb is happening. That’s why I’m calling at such a stupid time.”
Rio sighed. “Okay. Well, if you’ve got something stupid to say, I’ll hear it out.”
Sakuta took around twenty minutes to fill Rio in on everything happening to Mai. He did his best to leave conjecture out of it, only reporting what he’d personally witnessed. Rio asked a few questions along the way but mostly just heard him out.
“…What do you think?” he asked when he was done.
There was a long silence.
“I see,” she said at last. There was a thoughtful sigh. “You and Sakurajima are way closer than I thought.”
“Is that all you got out of it?”
“I did not want to hear your love story.”
“I didn’t ask for help on that end of things!”
“You just spent twenty minutes boasting about it. At this time of night.”
“I wasn’t boasting!”
“Bragging, then.”
“Be reasonable!”
“This is inherently unreasonable,” Rio grumbled.
“Yeah, I know, but…think about it. Compared to me being with the Mai Sakurajima, people not seeing her and forgetting she even exists seems totally normal.”
“You can say that again.”
“Argh…”
He’d been joking, but Rio readily agreed.
“But like I said before, I don’t actually think Adolescence Syndrome is real.”
“I know. Because it isn’t logical, right?”
“Yes.”
But she didn’t accuse Sakuta of lying outright because he’d shown her the scars on his chest and told her about what happened to Kaede. Rio had said, “It may not be logical, but if I believe your story, it does explain some things.”
Naturally. Sakuta was telling the truth, after all. Kaede’s Adolescence Syndrome was a big part of why he’d left home and come to Minegahara High. Otherwise, he’d just have gone to his local school, never met Shouko Makinohara, never even known Minegahara High existed.
“So what do you expect from me?”
“I need your help figuring out why this is happening and finding a solution.”
“That’s a big ask, Azusagawa.”
“I’m desperate enough to ask anyway.”
“……”
“Uh, Futaba? You still there?”
“Kunimi once said…”
“Huh?”
Why was she bringing up Yuuma now?
“Your best trait is that you can say things like thank you, sorry, and help me.”
“I mean, it’s not like I say those things to anyone but the two of you.”
He was deflecting, embarrassed, and she just snorted dismissively.
“Fine,” she said. “I’ll try to think on it. Don’t expect much.”
“I’m expecting a lot!”
“Look…”
“Thank you. It’s a huge help.”
Honestly, Sakuta was scared. He couldn’t see a way out. He hadn’t been this scared since they were in the worst of Kaede’s Adolescence Syndrome. He had no idea where to even start fighting. And that was terrifying.
Maybe Sakuta would lose the ability to see Mai. To hear her voice. He might even forget she existed. That was the most terrifying thing of all.
“Will you be at school tomorrow?”
“We’re in Ogaki now, so…not in the morning, at least. Why?”
Rio wouldn’t ask his plans without good reason.
“Off the top of my head, school’s the only thing that connects you to Kunimi and me.”
“I see.”
“So I thought school might be the cause of it all.”
“…You might be right.”
Sakuta had just remembered something. Today—well, technically yesterday—shortly after he’d met up with Mai, they’d run into Tomoe Koga, the girl he’d met helping a lost child.
But there at the station, Tomoe had seen Mai just fine. So had her friends.
“Maybe coming out here was a waste of time…,” he said.
He filled Rio in on Tomoe and her friends.
“I wouldn’t call it a complete waste,” Rio said. “The information you gathered gives us a more accurate grasp of her situation. And that helped us establish the hypothesis that the root cause stems from the school.”
“Oh…well, that’s good. I probably won’t make it in before noon tomorrow, but I’ll be at school. Sorry for calling you in the middle of the night.”
“You’d better be.”
Rio yawned and hung up. Sakuta put the phone back on the cradle.
He realized he’d been standing up for no reason and sat down on the bed.
The shower had stopped. He’d been so focused on the call, he hadn’t noticed.
“Augh! Such a waste!” he murmured.
The door to the bathroom opened a crack. Mai poked her head out, a towel wrapped around it. He caught a glimpse of her shoulder, flushed from the bathwater, steam rising from it.
“Underwear!” she said.
“Huh?”
“I can wear the same clothes, but underwear and socks? Ew!”
“Should I wash them for you?”
“I’d rather die.”
“If it was your underwear, I wouldn’t care how filthy it was.”
“They’re not filthy!”
“Shame. That might be more valuable.”
“Stop with the sick fantasies!”
Mai took the towel off her head and threw it at Sakuta. It hit him right in the face. He’d been too busy staring at her glistening wet hair to dodge.
But not dodging had been the right choice. There was a sweet scent clinging to the towel—maybe the shampoo.
“Can I assume you’re totally naked right now?”
“I’ve got a bath towel on!”
“Ohhh!”
“Stop imagining it!”
“I’m free to imagine all I like.”
“Why are you such a sex fiend?!”
“How could I not get turned on when I’m sharing a hotel room with a girl as beautiful as you?”
“You’re blaming me for it?!”
“Even if I round down, at least half the fault lies with you.”
As he spoke, he stood up, checking his wallet.
“I’ll run to the convenience store and buy some underwear. I need a change myself.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’ve got enough.”
He showed her the meager contents of his wallet. Before leaving Fujisawa Station, he’d taken out all the money he’d earned at work. It was only fifty thousand yen or so, but that was more than enough to buy the five-hundred-yen underwear convenience stores carried.
“No, I mean…aren’t boys embarrassed by that sort of thing?”
“Mm? Oh, sure, I guess. I’m used to it, though.”
“You are?” Mai blinked, not sure what he meant.
“After buying stuff for my sister’s periods, I just stopped caring. I even started getting a kick out of the staff’s reactions.”
Since Kaede was a homebody who never went out, he had to buy her clothes and underwear.
“You’re the worst kind of customer.”
“I’ll be right back.”
“Wait, I’m coming.”
Mai pulled her head back and closed the door. She locked it again. She was really on her guard. No trust at all.
“I can handle it.”
“I’m afraid of what you’ll pick out.”
“It’s not like they have a wide selection.”
Convenience stores only carried the most basic of stuff.
“The very thought of putting on underwear a boy bought for me is gross!”
She must have been getting dressed in that tiny bathroom. He could hear her grunting slightly between words. That was pretty sexy, too.
After a while, he could hear a dryer running.
He was stuck waiting for over ten minutes before she emerged.
“Come on,” she said.
“Here we gooo.”
Sakuta and Mai left the hotel, taking the back door—mostly to avoid the front desk. A high school student traveling alone stood out like a sore thumb. No point in encouraging any more suspicion than Sakuta’d already drawn during check-in.
The fact that no one could see Mai was definitely a plus here. If they’d checked in as a couple, they’d have raised even more concerns, which might well have led to police involvement. Of course, if people could see her, they’d never have come all the way out here in the first place…
Sakuta looked up and down the street. Fifty yards down the road from the station was a brightly lit green sign—a convenience store.
They made that their destination.
This late at night, there were few people out and about. At first, neither of them spoke.
“It’s such a strange feeling,” Mai said at last. She had her hands clasped behind her back and seemed to be enjoying the sight of the sleeping town around her.
“What is?”
“Being in an unfamiliar city like this.”
Mai was deliberately making her heels click on the pavement like a marching soldier.
“I thought you traveled a lot, filming?”
“I didn’t go anywhere. I was taken.”
“Ahhh, I get that.”
He’d once traveled with his family all the way to Okinawa, much farther than Ogaki. And his junior high school trip had gone to Kyoto, a little farther out than here. And in elementary school, they’d gone to Nikko. He’d been to plenty of other places as part of school excursions, but none of those times felt like he’d gone there himself.
Like Mai said, he’d simply been taken there.
On some level, Sakuta was enjoying this trip, just like Mai. He’d probably felt a rush encountering a new experience as they hopped on the Tokaido Line at Fujisawa Station.
They’d picked the train with no set destination, just aiming to get as far as they could. Trying to find someone who could see Mai, someone who could remember her…
They’d come here themselves. They’d have to get back by themselves as well. That was stressful but also kind of fun.
It was like they were on an adventure together. Adolescence Syndrome aside, they had completely left their daily routine behind. And that sense of new was enjoyable.
“Whenever I wasn’t filming, I was trapped in a hotel. Even if I had never been to the location before, everyone who lived there knew me, so I didn’t want to walk around much.”
“Is that a brag?”
“You know it isn’t, but you ask anyway. Just craving attention?”
Her eyes were smiling. She saw right through him.
“You got me,” he admitted sheepishly.
“You’re like a little kid,” Mai snorted. “But I suppose the strangest thing about this is that I’m walking through this unknown town with a younger boy.”
“I certainly never thought I’d go someplace this far away with the Mai Sakurajima.”
“You should be honored.”
“It’s an honor I will never forget.”
Sakuta chose his words deliberately, fully aware of their meaning. It wasn’t a concept they could avoid. Mai was definitely vanishing from people’s memories.
“……”
Mai didn’t answer.
That made Sakuta want to emphasize the point again.
“I’ll never forget this.”
“……But if you do?”
“I’ll eat Pocky through my nose.”
“Don’t play with your food.”
“That was your idea!”
There was a smile on Mai’s lips, but that was all.
“Sakuta.”
“What?”
“You swear?”
“……”
“You really won’t forget me?”
Her eyes wavered. Like she was testing him.
“The image of your bunny-girl outfit is seared into my brain.”
Mai let out a long breath. “You still have the outfit, right?” she asked. It sounded like she was absolutely certain he did. It was true, so…
“Of course.”
“Then you’ve done horrifying things with it.”
“Not yet.”
“Throw it out when you get home.”
“Aww.”
“No protests!”
“I was hoping to get you to wear it again.”
“I don’t know how you can say that with a straight face.”
She seemed completely appalled.
Sakuta wasn’t giving up that easily. He kept staring at her.
“Well, maybe once,” she said, folding. There was only a little embarrassment in her voice. “To thank you for all of this.”
“No, thank you!”
“Fulfilling the sexual fantasies of a younger boy is nothing to me,” she said, though she wasn’t looking at him. It was too dark to be sure, but her face seemed pretty red.
“Well, first, we’ve got to get you some underwear.”
“I’m not letting you choose.”
They reached the store before the argument was settled.
The man behind the counter greeted Sakuta unenthusiastically. There were no customers. There was one other employee, seizing the chance to stock the candy aisle during a lull.
They found what they needed on a shelf near the door. Sakuta grabbed a basket and followed Mai over.
Socks, T-shirts, towels, stockings, and of course, the underwear and camisoles they were after.
He’d never really paid much attention before, but there was a better selection than he’d expected. Everything was folded up small in plastic cases, easy to grab and go.
The female underwear section consisted of panties and camisoles, sold separately. They came in S or M sizes, and the only colors available were black and pink.
Without a moment’s hesitation, Mai grabbed a pair of black panties and a matching camisole, dropping them in the basket. Then she added a pair of socks.
“Pink would be nice.”
“You’re not going to see them either way.”
“Shame. I’d love to.”
“Talk like an idiot, and you’ll become one.”
Mai stifled a yawn and headed for the beverage cases.
There seemed little point in insisting, so Sakuta grabbed a T-shirt, socks, and a pair of boxers for himself and followed her.
“Black works, too.”
“What did you say?”
“Never mind!”
Back at the hotel, they changed, then filled their bellies with rice balls and sandwiches. They’d eaten once on the way, but that had been over four hours ago—they’d both gotten pretty hungry since.
After that quick meal, Sakuta took a shower. When he emerged…
“Let’s go back first thing tomorrow,” he said.
Mai looked surprised to hear it. “Worried about your sister?” she asked.
“That, too. But I also found someone who remembers you.”
“…You did?”
“Both my friends at Minegahara High.”
“When did you…?”
“I called while you were in the shower.”
He glanced at the phone in the room.
“Calling this late could end a friendship.”
“I said sorry. It’ll be fine.”
“Such confidence.”
“If either of them did the same to me, I’d forgive it.”
“Let’s hope you’re right. But…oh. You weren’t the last person who remembers me.”
“Maybe the cause of this is at school.”
He couldn’t be sure. But it was the only lead he had. They had to place their hopes on it and act accordingly.
“Okay. Then let’s get some sleep.”
“Uh…so where should I sleep?”
Mai had already staked out a claim on the bed. She was wearing a bathrobe in lieu of pajamas. She looked up at him, not answering.
“The floor? The bathtub? I think the hotel will get mad if I sleep in the hall.”
She stared at him for another long minute, then glanced down at the single bed.
She thought for a long time.
Then she asked, “Promise not to do anything?”
“I swear,” he answered immediately.
“Liar.” Not an ounce of trust. “But I guess I’m the one who let you lure me into a hotel.”
“Don’t make it sound like I tricked you!”
“I’ll allow you to lie next to me. Only to sleep, mind.”
“Really?”
“Would you prefer the hall?”
“I’d love to sleep with you.”
Given the circumstances, that sounded like something else entirely.
“……”
It definitely seemed to arouse her suspicion. He hastily rephrased.
“I’d love to sleep next to you.”
“……Fine.”
Mai made room. Sakuta slipped into the space. The spot where she’d been sitting was still warm.
“……”
“……”
He tried to sleep. But…
“Sakuta…,” Mai said.
“Yes?”
“This is really cramped.”
The single bed was definitely not designed for two. Didn’t seem like they’d be able to move around in their sleep.
“Should I move?” he asked, turning toward her.
She did the same, and their eyes met. Her face was inches from his. Even in the dim light, he could almost count her eyelashes.
“Say something.”
“What?”
“Something fun.”
“That’s a high bar. Do you enjoy tormenting me?”
Sarcasm was his escape mechanism.
“Maybe,” she said, her expression unchanged.
“If you don’t enjoy it, why do you do it?”
“Because you enjoy me tormenting you.”
“And so you toy with me in full knowledge of that! You’re a born queen.”
“Your masochistic streak is so obvious that I have to offer you some small reward.”
“No man alive would be unmoved if a beautiful senpai tormented them.”
“Is that a compliment?”
“A glowing one.”
“Hmph.”
The conversation petered out.
Without their voices to fill the space, the only sounds were the noise of the air conditioner and the ventilation fan in the bathroom. No cars passed on the street outside. Nothing came from the neighboring rooms.
It was just the two of them.
Sakuta was alone with Mai in a tiny single room.
He made no effort to take his eyes off her.
Mai made no effort to take her eyes off him.
“……”
“……”
A long silence passed between them.
Occasional blinks. The sound of her breath.
With no warning, her lips parted.
“We should kiss,” she said.
He was surprised. But not rattled.
“Feeling frisky, Mai?”
“You’re an idiot.”
She didn’t get mad at his joke. She didn’t get flustered or look embarrassed, either. Her only reaction was to smile like it was funny.
“We should sleep. Good night.”
She turned over, facing away from him.
Her hair flowed down. He could see the nape of her neck. If he kept staring, he was sure he’d put his arms around her, so he turned over, too, lying back-to-back.
“Sakuta.”
“I thought we were sleeping?”
“If I started shaking like a leaf and, through my sobs, said, ‘I don’t want to disappear!’ what would you do?”
“I’d put my arms around you from behind and whisper, ‘It’ll be okay.’”
“Then I’ll never say it.”
“Not enough?”
“I feel like you’d just ‘accidentally’ grab my breasts.”
“What about your butt?”
“Obviously off-limits,” she said, like she was brushing off a pest. “……I’ve made up my mind to go back to work. I can’t disappear now.”
Her voice was barely above a whisper.
“That’s right.”
“I definitely want to do TV and movies. I’d love to try stage acting, too. I want to work with amazing directors, costars, staff. Do great work. Feel like I’m alive again.”
“Then it’s off to Hollywood!”
“Ha-ha, that would be nice.”
“I’d better get your autograph now.”
“They’re already worth quite a bit, you know.”
“I suppose they would be.”
“I really…can’t disappear now.”
“……”
“Not when I just got to know this sassy young boy who makes me actually look forward to school.”
“I won’t forget you.”
They lay back-to-back.
“……”
She didn’t answer.
“I promise I won’t forget you, Mai.”
“How can you be sure?”
Sakuta ignored the question.
“So we can kiss anytime. Doesn’t have to be now. We don’t have to rush. It doesn’t even have to be me. I know you can make it to Hollywood. You can do anything you want. I’m sure of it.”
Mai was silent for a moment.
“…You’re right,” she said. “Shame. You blew your one and only chance to take my first kiss.”
“You should have warned me!”
“Too late now.”
He could hear her giggling.
But it soon died down.
“Thank you,” she said. “For not giving up on me. Thank you.”
“……”
Sakuta didn’t answer. He was pretending to be asleep. If they talked any longer, he would definitely wind up with his arms around her.
After a while, her breathing slowed. Mai was asleep.
Sakuta tried to get to sleep himself. But he was too conscious of her lying next to him to sleep at all.
3
Sakuta never did drift off. He spent the hours until sunrise listening to the sound of Mai breathing next to him.
He definitely got turned on a few times. But no matter how hard he stared at her face, Mai never woke up. Getting all worked up alone made him feel like a dumb kid. Other times, the idea that he was the only one sweating over this was just depressing.
Drifting off to sleep would have been much better, but between her lying next to him and the fatigue of the long trip, his body was all tense, and he never even felt close to sleepy. There was a heat wriggling deep within him that spent the whole night messing with his head.
And after several wasted hours, the world outside the curtains grew bright.
Mai woke up at half past six, and they said good morning. Then they got ready to check out. But since they’d brought almost nothing with them, Sakuta was ready almost immediately.
Mai wasn’t as quick. She insisted on taking a bath first.
This took a full thirty minutes.
When she finally emerged, she insisted she still had to get ready, so he was forced out into the hall. Totally unfair.
To kill time, he went back to the convenience store to buy something for breakfast. He took his time…
When he got back, they each ate a cream bun and were finally able to check out. It was well past eight.
They walked back to Ogaki Station and hopped on a train. Now they just had to ride for a few hundred miles. But unlike the day before, they took the Shinkansen from Nagoya, making for a much faster trip back to Fujisawa Station.
Sakuta was back at home before noon. Hooray for bullet trains. They were unbelievably fast.
They both stopped off at home and met up outside thirty minutes later.
Mai was waiting out front in her uniform when Sakuta arrived, stifling a yawn.
“You look so out of it,” she said.
“You’re beautiful again today!”
“Your tie’s crooked. Hang on.”
She handed him her schoolbag and then reached for his collar, fixing his clothes.
“Never imagined we’d be acting like newlyweds so soon. Thank you.”
“Your face is stupid enough. No need to act the part.”
She snatched her bag back and stalked away.
“Ah! Wait!”
He ran after her, and they strolled side by side.
The streets he walked every day felt like old friends. If he didn’t know better, he would’ve sworn he’d been away a whole week.
Even though they’d only left the day before.
Less than that, since he’d been so late for their date. Even that was already turning into a distant memory.
As he mulled that over, he found himself yawning. Staying up all night had taken its toll. He felt ready to drift off at any moment.
“Huh? Didn’t you sleep?” Mai inquired, peering at his eyes. They must have been bloodshot.
“And who’s fault do you think that is?”
“You’re blaming me?”
“You wouldn’t let me sleep.”
“Too excited?
“More nervous than anything, really,” he admitted, yawning again.
“You can be cute sometimes,” Mai said.
“You, on the other hand, have nerves of steel! You were out like a light.”
“I’ve been all over the place for filming my whole life. I used to sleep in the break room between setups. And…”
She broke off, looking like a kid who’d just thought of a great prank.
“Sleeping next to you is no big deal at all.”
“Good news! Next time I’ll have to try a few things.”
“You don’t have the guts to try anything.”
When they reached school, it was lunchtime.
Most students had already finished eating and were relaxing. Some kids were playing on the basketball court, and their cries drifted across the schoolyard.
School was always like this, but it felt like ages since they’d last been here—like their first day back at school after spring or winter break.
As they changed into slippers at the entrance, Mai said, “I’m going to poke around.”
“I’ll drop in on Futaba. Oh, Futaba’s one of the friends who remembers you…”
“Is that a girl’s name? I’m amazed,” Mai said, stopping in her tracks.
“That’s her family name.”
Still a girl, though…
“Right. Well, see you later.”
Mai went off down the hall. Sakuta watched her go. She went past a group of girls carrying notebooks, a middle-aged geometry teacher wheeling a slide projector, and a group of girls gossiping excitedly about a hot guy on the basketball team.
None of them paid Mai any attention. None of them even looked at her.
This didn’t strike Sakuta as odd.
It was always like that.
That was what it was like for Mai here.
The natural reaction toward seeing a problem no one wanted to engage. Everyone pretended not to see her. Acted like she was part of the air around them.
And when everyone ignored her, the result looked exactly like people couldn’t see her at all. Minegahara students had treated her that way long before it started happening everywhere. Long before Sakuta had started attending this school.
Mai slipped through the crowds.
Just like she slipped through crowds affected by her Adolescence Syndrome.
“……”
It felt like fragments of understanding were piecing themselves together.
Like Sakuta was starting to see the shape of the root cause.
Rio’s idea that the heart of the issue lay at school definitely felt right.
“Azusagawa.”
Sakuta turned toward the voice and found Rio standing behind him, hands thrust in the pockets of her white lab coat.
When she saw him, she yawned. This made Sakuta yawn back.
“Bad news,” she said.
He braced himself.
“Everyone but me may have forgotten Sakurajima.”
“……?!”
His brow furrowed. That was bad news.
“At the very least, Kunimi doesn’t remember her.”
“Really?”
Rio wouldn’t make something like that up. This wasn’t a laughing matter, and Sakuta knew she wasn’t the type to joke about things like this in the first place.
But he couldn’t stop himself from asking. He desperately wanted it to not be true.
“When I mentioned her name, Kunimi was just confused. ‘Who was that again?’ he asked. I haven’t exactly asked anyone else, but…”
Sakuta looked around, searching for someone else to ask. The need for that soon passed, though.
Mai was running back toward the entrance. Out of breath, flustered—pale with fright.
When she caught her breath, she looked him in the eye.
“You can still see me?” she asked.
“Yes. Clear as daylight,” he said, nodding.
The tension drained from her face.
“Thank goodness…”
She sighed with relief.
But why?
Why could Sakuta and Rio see her but nobody else? Why had they forgotten Mai?
At the least, yesterday it wasn’t just the two of them. Yuuma, Tomoe Koga, and her friends had all been able to see Mai.
“Right, Tomoe Koga!”
Sakuta ran off alone, headed for the first-year classrooms.
He poked his head into each room on the first floor, finally locating Tomoe in the fourth room he tried. Class 1-4. She was with the same friends as the day before, eating lunch by the windows, their desks pushed together.
Sakuta went right over to her.
One of her friends saw him first and made a startled noise. They all turned to stare.
“Crap, the guy from…,” Tomoe said, then stopped herself.
Sakuta planted himself near their desks and asked, “Do you know Mai Sakurajima?”
Tomoe Koga and her friends all looked at one another and started whispering.
“What is this, Tomoe?”
“I—I don’t know!”
“Sakura…who?”
“Who the…?”
“You saw her yesterday at the Enoden Fujisawa Station,” he said.
They looked at one another again and then shook their heads.
“How do you not know her? She’s a famous actress!” Sakuta took a step forward. “Think about it! The really beautiful third-year… You met her!”
When he took another step closer, Tomoe looked frightened.
“You have to remember!” he demanded, putting his hands on her shoulders.
“I—I don’t know her!” she shouted, tears welling up in her eyes.
“Please!”
“Ow!”
He realized he was squeezing her shoulders.
“Stop it, Sakuta.” A voice in his ear. Mai’s hand on his wrist.
He slowly let go of Tomoe.
“Sorry,” he said. “I don’t know what got into me.”
“O-okay…”
“I’m really sorry. Excuse me.”
Apologizing again, Sakuta headed for the door, his feet heavy.
“Azusagawa,” Rio said. She’d trailed behind them and was beckoning him from down the hall.
“What?”
When Rio didn’t move, Sakuta left Mai’s side, moving over to Rio.
“I might have an idea,” Rio said, quietly, so only he could hear.
It looked like she was hesitant to say the rest.
“Tell me.”
“Azusagawa…did you sleep last night?”
That question was the start of her explanation.
After school that day, Sakuta and Mai went back to Fujisawa Station together and parted ways there.
Even at a time like this, Sakuta had a shift at the restaurant. He couldn’t exactly call in sick. “You should go,” Mai said.
He worked until nine, rubbing his tired eyes. On the way home, he stopped in the convenience store.
He did a circuit of the interior, scoping out the shelves.
He found the energy drinks on a rack near the registers, under the gelatin drinks.
They ranged in price from two hundred yen to the cost of a large beef bowl. He even found one that was over a thousand yen. He couldn’t tell what the difference was or what was in them.
He grabbed three at random, along with some caffeinated mint gum and tablets, then took it all to the counter.
It came out to just under two thousand yen. Between the round trip to Ogaki and the room at the business hotel, his wallet was feeling really light. There was almost nothing left in it.
But this was no time to get stingy.
He remembered Rio’s words.
“Azusagawa…did you sleep last night?”
“Not a wink,” he’d replied.
This was clearly what Rio had expected. “Neither did I,” she said.
“……”
Unsure what she meant, he waited for further details.
“I’m only working backward from the results, but I think that’s the reason. I wasn’t with Sakurajima or anything.”
“…No.”
“You remember how I told you about the Theory of Observation?”
“The Schrödinger’s cat thing?”
“I thought it was ridiculous at the time,” Rio said. She looked down the hall at Mai. It seemed like she was unsure how to act around Mai or if she should bring her into this at all. She was clearly rattled by the whole situation.
“Seeing it for myself… It’s scary.”
“Adolescence Syndrome?”
“No, before that even happened…the way the whole school treated her like air.”
“Yeah.”
“And the way I usually read the room, accepting that as the way things should be. I never even doubted it.”
“It works in the first place because nobody questions it. If anyone felt like they were doing something wrong, I’d hope the whole thing would fall apart.”
Knowing it was wrong, understanding how awful it was, realizing how pathetic they were being, grasping how crappy this behavior was…not that many people could do that and proudly say, “We’re ignoring our classmate!” Anyone who could was messed up.
Like the ringleader of the group that bullied Kaede. She’d totally been all, “What’s wrong with it?”
With Mai, the original cause lay with her. There was a moment where she chose to blend into the air, and those around her reacted to that, accepting it.
Her desire to disappear had turned her into air—but only after she started acting the part.
“But that’s exactly why the school is our best clue,” Rio said, as if reading his mind. “To Sakurajima, this school is the box, and she’s the cat inside.”
“……”
Nobody looked at Mai. Nobody tried to look. Mai was observed by no one, so her existence was indeterminate…and thus, she was disappearing. She wasn’t gone—but it was like she was. If no one could perceive her, it was the same as if she didn’t exist.
A chill ran down his spine.
He knew exactly what Rio was trying to say.
The cause was here at school, within the students’ collective consciousness. Their disinterest in her was now entirely unconscious. She didn’t even register in their minds. Rio was saying that these feelings—if they could even be called feelings—were the trigger that activated Mai’s Adolescence Syndrome.
How could you change people’s unconscious feelings? They weren’t even aware a problem existed. They didn’t think the problem was a problem. And there were nearly a thousand students like that at Minegahara High.
How could he turn their disinterest to interest?
“……”
It was like he was facing into the darkness, and it was about to swallow him whole.
This was the true nature of his fear. The true cause. The true form of the enemy Sakuta had to defeat. The air he couldn’t see but knew existed. The same air that, not too long ago, Sakuta had said was pointless to even try fighting against.
“But if the school is what started everything, why are people who have nothing to do with school unable to see Mai, either?”
“Maybe Sakurajima herself took what happened at school into the world outside.”
He had to admit that was possible, both when he first met her at the Shonandai Library or when she went alone to the Enoshima Aquarium. Mai had been acting like the air, and he’d felt like she was causing this herself.
But that wasn’t true now.
Mai no longer wanted to disappear. He could be sure of that. She’d made up her mind to go back to work, and while she’d made it sound like a joke…
She’d asked:
“If I started shaking like a leaf and, through my sobs, said, ‘I don’t want to disappear!’ what would you do?”
She’d said:
“Not when I just got to know this cheeky young boy who makes me actually look forward to school.”
She clearly meant both these things.
“Even if she didn’t spread it herself, this kind of behavior is infectious,” Rio said. “Everyone’s expected to obey unwritten rules, and information can reach the other side of the world in seconds. The world we live in makes it happen.”
If he tried to argue the point, he was sure he could find something. Rio herself knew there were all kinds of holes in her explanation. But part of him understood that was the nature of the times they lived in. And the benefits of it…came with drawbacks.
“……”
So Sakuta couldn’t find it in himself to argue. Frankly, at this point, Sakuta didn’t see the point in discussing just how the phenomenon had spread. The reality in front of them was all that mattered.
When he said nothing…
“Getting back on track…” Rio continued with the last part of her explanation. “If perception and observation are key, then I think it makes sense that sleep—where the consciousness is inactive—would be the trigger for losing these memories.”
While he was awake, he could still think about her. See her. But the moment he fell asleep, there was no way to be conscious of her. The ability to perceive her was naturally weakened. And while his consciousness was turned off, he would get infected by this anomaly.
“……”
He shivered, thinking about the night before. If he’d fallen asleep there, he might have already forgotten Mai…
He went home, chewing caffeinated gum. He also drank his first ever energy drink. A strange sweetness, clearly different from other sugary beverages. A bit of a medicinal aftertaste.
Sakuta hadn’t really hoped for much, but he felt the effects immediately. He was awake again, his mind clear.
“What are you drinking?” Kaede asked, seeing him throw the bottle in the recycling. It was already eleven. Kaede was normally in bed by now, and she looked really sleepy. Her eyes were half-closed. He was pretty sure the only reason she was still up and about was because he hadn’t come home the night before.
“I’m not sleeping till I make up for what I missed out on yesterday!” she’d said.
So he spent a bit of time talking to her. Mostly about books she’d read.
Kaede started out insisting she was going to stay up all night, but in the end, she and the cat were asleep on the couch before midnight.
Sakuta picked her up and carried her to her room. The interior was covered in books. The shelves were full, their contents spilling into stacks on the floor. He had to pick his way through them to the bed.
He laid her down, said, “Sleep tight,” pulled the covers over her, and turned out the light. He shut the door softly behind him.
Sakuta went to his room, tossing back a handful of mint tablets. His mouth and nose felt chilly.
He had something he had to take care of while his mind was still clear.
He sat down at his desk and opened a notebook. He wasn’t trying to study. Midterms started tomorrow, so he probably should have at least a little, but his grades were a secondary concern.
Right now, he had to prepare for the worst.
He tapped the end of his mechanical pencil twice and started writing.
Everything he remembered about the last three weeks. Everything since he first met Mai.
He wrote all night long.
May 6
I met a wild bunny girl.
She was a senpai from Minegahara High. The famous Mai Sakurajima.
This is the beginning. This is how we met. There’s no way I could ever forget it.
Even if you do forget—remember. You have to remember, future me.
4
Three days of midterms, and the first was already a disaster.
Not only had he not studied at all the night before, but it was his second straight all-nighter, and he couldn’t focus at all. The more he tried to think, the more his brain stalled out midquestion. His mind went blank, leaving him just sitting there staring at the answer sheet. His eyes registered it but nothing more.
After the test was over, Sakuta peeked into the classroom next door, looking for Rio Futaba. She even wore the white lab coat to class, so she was easy to find.
She saw him at the door, gathered her things, and joined him in the hall.
“Do you remember?” he asked, feeling tense.
“Huh? Remember what?” Rio said, baffled.
“Then never mind.”
“Well, I’ll be in the science room.”
“Cool.”
He waved, and Rio walked off, lab coat swaying. He hoped she would turn around and admit she was joking, but no such luck. She vanished up the stairs.
“Your hypothesis was correct,” he said.
By forgetting Mai, Rio had proved it.
Now Sakuta was the only one left.
Only Sakuta remembered Mai. Only he could hear her voice or see her.
“What a thrilling development!” he said, desperately trying to convert his fears into motivation.
The next day was May 28. The second day of midterms, and again, his results were unimpressive. But Sakuta was long past caring.
He was sleepy. Just sleepy.
Every time he blinked, he was tempted to just leave his eyes closed.
He hadn’t slept since their date on Sunday. It was now Wednesday. His fourth day without sleep.
Sakuta was well past his limit.
He was constantly nauseated. He had actually thrown up twice. Ever since, it had felt like there was something caught in his throat.
He was falling apart. His pulse felt erratic and far too strong. His complexion was awful. Yuuma had been worried on the train that morning. “You look like a zombie,” he’d said.
The one saving grace was that he’d already cleared his work schedule for midterms. There was definitely no way he could do a proper job in this condition.
His eyelids felt heavy. They refused to stay open. The light of the sun was brutal. No matter how hard he pinched his thighs, he didn’t seem to wake up. Nothing short of stabbing himself with a pencil got a reaction anymore.
“You seem tired,” Mai said on their way home.
She was still coming to school, even though only Sakuta could see her. “I’ve got nothing better to do,” she’d said. But he knew she had to be scared. Too scared to sit at home alone all day. Part of her must have been hoping, if she kept going to school, things might naturally go back to normal.
“I’m always like this during tests. Pulling all-nighters.”
“That’s what you get for not studying regularly.”
“You sound like a teacher.”
“Well, if you absolutely insist…”
“Mm?”
“I could help you study.”
“If we were in a room together, I’d just think about sex, so we’d better not.”
“……”
Mai gave him a shocked look. She clearly never expected him to refuse.
“A-ah. For the best, then,” she said.
“See you tomorrow.”
They parted ways outside their apartments.
Sakuta stepped onto the elevator and breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn’t told Mai he wasn’t sleeping. He knew if he did, she’d insist he stop going without sleep.
He didn’t want to worry her, and he’d already made up his mind to see this through—he didn’t want her feeling responsible for it.
At home, Sakuta sat in the living room, a physics book open in front of him. One he’d borrowed from Rio the day they got back from Ogaki. He was hoping it would give him a clue to resolve this.
It was an entry-level book on quantum theory. But even then, the difficulty level was so high, he just couldn’t process it. He was spending all day reading it instead of studying for midterms, but he could barely bring himself to turn the page.
The combination of sleepless eyelids and a physics book was deadly. Like a powerful sedative. He was keeping his flickering consciousness alive through sheer willpower, forcing his eyes to follow the words on the page.
He wanted to help Mai. That was all that drove him.
He spent an hour like this. Kaede was reading nearby, and her stomach started rumbling. Without a word, he stood up and started making dinner. They ate it together.
Sakuta looked across the table and realized Kaede was saying something. His eyes registered this, but he forgot to respond.
“……”
“Hello?”
“Oh, huh?”
He was too sleepy to think straight.
“Are you okay?”
“Midterms,” he said, unsure that excused it.
“Don’t try too hard.”
“Yeah, I know.”
But no matter how hard it was, Sakuta couldn’t sleep now.
If he did, he’d forget Mai.
Maybe there was a chance he wouldn’t, but the odds were stacked against him.
In which case, Sakuta couldn’t let himself sleep.
He and Kaede finished dinner, and he went out for a walk. He swung by the store again.
Sitting still after a meal was too dangerous. Even standing up, he was nodding off. He’d nearly fallen asleep standing on the Enoshima Electric Railway, his hand clutching one of the dangling handles. His legs had buckled, and he’d only clung to consciousness because his knees hit the businessman in the seat in front of him. It had been a very close call.
At the convenience store, he bought more energy drinks. From the large beef bowl price range. He’d been drinking too many of these, and the effects were steadily diminishing. Worse, the backlash was tremendous. Two or three hours after, he’d get even sleepier. But it was still better than nothing.
He left the shop, returning his wallet to his back pocket.
The wind brushed against his cheeks. Sakuta stopped in his tracks.
Someone was waiting for him.
A wave of panic shot through him, like he’d been caught pulling a prank.
A nasty, clammy sweat broke out.
“What’d you buy?” Mai asked. She was in street clothes, legs apart, arms folded.
He tried to pull an excuse out of his groggy mind, but nothing emerged. Lack of sleep had made him stupid.
“Uh…well…”
Mai came closer and snatched the bag away. She peeked inside. “I knew you weren’t sleeping,” she chided.
“……”
He’d thought he was getting away with it, but apparently not. He knew he looked obviously unwell. Yuuma and Kaede had both pointed it out. It would have been weird for Mai not to have noticed.
“You thought you could hide this?”
“I wanted to.”
“You’re an idiot! You can’t keep this up forever.”
“I couldn’t think of anything else.”
He sounded like a petulant child.
Sakuta knew this could only go on so long. Humans needed sleep to live. And this wasn’t going to solve the problem. But even knowing it might be a waste of time…this waste of time was Sakuta’s only option.
This crazy phenomenon was making Mai suffer. They still hadn’t found a way to stop it. They didn’t even know if there was a way to stop it.
But they had to keep looking. Sakuta couldn’t sleep until he did.
Even if he didn’t find a solution, he wasn’t about to simply give in and go to sleep.
He wanted to remember Mai for as many days as he possibly could. Each minute mattered. Every second he stayed awake was a second less where she was completely alone. All these sleepless nights had left his sluggish brain unable to think about anything else.
“Look how pale you are! You’re an idiot.”
“I entirely agree.”
“Let’s get you home.”
She returned the bag and headed back toward their apartments. Unable to think straight, Sakuta obediently followed her.
It was past eight when he got home.
Kaede must have been in the bath. He could hear her singing happily through the door. It was the jingle from a commercial for an electronics store. It wasn’t long, so she was looping pretty quick.
Sakuta turned in to his bedroom but got stuck in the door.
Mai was sitting on a cushion in the middle of the room, next to a low folding table she’d clearly set up herself.
“I thought if you went to a boy’s place at this time of day, it’d be like telling him he can do whatever he wants.”
“Eight is still in the clear.”
“Fine. But why are you here?”
“I thought I’d keep you company.”
“Romantically?”
“No. And you know that! I’m not letting you sleep tonight.”
“Sounds exciting.”
“If you start drifting off, I’ll slap you awake.”
“Wow, we’re going straight for the hard stuff.”
Mai seemed to be enjoying herself. How many slaps was she planning? He hoped this wasn’t becoming a new fetish.
“Come on, sit!” Mai insisted, patting the carpet.
He did as he was told.
“Where’s your textbook? Notes?”
“What are those for?”
“We still have one more day of midterms. I’ll help you study.”
“Engh… I’m good.”
He wouldn’t remember anything he studied in this condition. It would just make him sleepier.
“Were you the bookish type?” he asked.
“I was too busy working for most of my first year, but since the start of second year, I’ve never scored less than eight.”
Minegahara grades were on a ten-point scale. One being the lowest rating and ten the highest. So having all her grades eight or above was pretty impressive.
“What unexpected academic discipline.”
“I just study when I have the time.”
“Most people would goof off every chance they get.”
“Just focus! I am not all that matters to you.”
“You are now.”
Otherwise, he’d never be doing anything as grueling as forgoing sleep.
“Even if you do solve my problems, all you’ll have left is a disastrous pile of answer sheets.”
“Hearing something so logical is just making me sleepy.”
“You’re going to study.”
“I’m sooo not motivated.”
“Even with me as your private tutor?”
“If you wear the bunny-girl outfit, maybe I’ll feel motivated.”
“Are you like this with everyone, Sakuta?”
“I only talk like this to you, Mai.”
“Hardly a compliment.”
He yawned. The tears in the corners of his eyes stung.
“And if I put the bunny-girl outfit on, you’d think about nothing but sex. Then you’d learn nothing.”
“I didn’t think of that.”
He wasn’t thinking much at all. Sakuta was already just saying whatever popped into his head first.
“How about this?” Mai said. “If you score one hundred points on a test, I’ll give you a reward.”
This was a very enticing offer. He found himself leaning forward.
“Is this the legendary ‘I’ll do anything’ offer?”
“Sure, sure. ‘Anything,’” Mai said, clearly convinced it was impossible.
“I’ve got Math II and Modern Japanese tomorrow,” he said, checking the schedule. He was starting to feel a bit more alert. “I might be able to get one hundred on Math II.”
“What? Are you, like…smart?” Mai asked, horrified.
“Nah. I just do better with math.”
Which was exactly why he should abandon Japanese and focus on Math II. With Japanese, there were so many subjective or arbitrary ways to lose points that it was hard to aim for a perfect score. But with Math II, the answers were objective, and as long as he showed his work, he had a solid shot at avoiding any weird deductions. It seemed doable to get full marks.
He immediately opened his Math II textbook.
But Mai snatched it away.
“This was your idea! Why are you stopping me?”
“I might have said ‘anything,’ but I’m not actually going to do anything,” she said, scowling at him.
“I wouldn’t ask for anything crazy.”
“Really?”
“Nothing worse than ‘Join me in the bath.’”
“That’s already over the line.”
“Aww.”
“Th-that should be obvious!”
“Even if we wear swimsuits?”
“Swimsuits in the bathtub? Why would you even think of something that sketchy?!”
Her scornful look was like daggers. That definitely woke him up a bit.
“What about a lap pillow with you in the bunny-girl outfit?”
“Why do you seem to think that’s a more reasonable suggestion?”
He’d thought it was, but Mai did not seem to agree.
“How about that Kamakura date we never actually got around to?”
This suggestion was so tame by comparison, it totally caught her off guard.
“Fine, but…you sure that’s all you want?”
“You wanted something racier?”
“I didn’t say that!”
She reached out and pinched his cheek, hard.
“Ow! I’m awake!”
“You really do have a lot of nerve for your age.”
For the next two hours, she stayed with him, helping him study.
But it was all Modern Japanese. She refused to let him study Math II at all.
“‘There’s nobody around who can ensure your future.’ ‘Your future is not assured.’ Both words are pronounced hosho but have different kanji.”
“Professor, I’m sensing some spite in this problem.”
“Just write them down!” demanded Mai, tapping the notebook in front of him.
Sakuta wrote down two sets of kanji, the Chinese characters found in Japanese writing.
“So which pair is used for ‘Nobody can ensure your future’?”
“Well…”
He didn’t actually know the difference, so he let his finger hover over one of the pairs, watching Mai’s reaction, hoping he could deduce which was right from her expression.
But Mai was clearly onto his game.
She looked him right in the eye, smiling pleasantly. Even her eyes were smiling, which was all the more terrifying.
“You can also show me ‘Sakuta’s safety is not assured if he tries to cheat on another question.’”
“Sorry. I need a hint.”
“Ensure means making certain something happens, while assure means convincing someone it will.”
“Then ‘I can ensure Mai will have a happy future.’ And ‘We can be assured we’ll live happily ever after.’”
“Don’t change the sentences!” She rolled up the textbook and smacked him on the head. “It isn’t cute.”
Sounded like he got the answer right, at least. If he saw that on the test, he could probably get it again. Both the answer and Mai’s cross face were seared into his memory.
Mai kept giving him problems, and Sakuta kept studying kanji, feeling like he was playing a game.
But he couldn’t maintain that focus forever.
After they got through the section on homonyms, Sakuta stood up.
“I’ll get us some drinks,” he said. “Coffee okay? It’s just instant.”
“Mm.”
She was flipping through the kanji workbook, looking for another problem to give him.
He left her in his room, went to the kitchen, and started the kettle boiling.
While he waited, he glanced toward Kaede’s room. The lights were out. She must have been sound asleep.
He came back to his room with two mugs of instant coffee.
He put one in front of Mai.
“Milk and sugar?” she asked.
Sakuta’s whole goal had been to wake himself up, so he was taking it black and hadn’t thought to ask.
“I’ll go grab them.”
He came back with a sugar packet, some milk, and a spoon.
Mai was still looking through the kanji workbook.
“Here you go, Mai.”
“Thanks.”
She took the sugar and milk and poured them in her cup. She began slowly stirring.
These gestures struck him as distinctly feminine, and Sakuta savored the sight as he took a sip of coffee. Bitter black liquid hit his stomach. The heat of it felt like a relief.
“Your sister?”
“In bed.”
Kaede had popped in an hour earlier, seen Sakuta studying, and wished him luck.
“You’re an only child?” he asked. She seemed the type.
“No,” Mai said, cradling the mug with both hands.
“Oh?”
“After my father was free of my mother, he married again. Had a kid with her, so…a half sister.”
“She cute?”
“Not as cute as me,” Mai declared, like it was obvious.
“Wow, so harsh.”
His mind was starting to get bleary.
He felt dizzy. His eyelids were heavy.
“Would you like a girl who knows she’s cuter but goes around insisting other girls are cute anyway?”
“That does sound bad.”
“The worst.”
“But…your own sis—?”
He didn’t consciously trail off. The back half of the word just failed to emerge.
It felt like he was drifting away from his body.
Crap, he thought. But he couldn’t stop it.
He grabbed the edge of the table to support himself.
His eyes were already half-closed.
“Good. It worked.”
He lifted his eyes and saw Mai’s face. She was watching him gently, but there was a hint of fear behind it, and the edges of her eyes were glistening.
“Mai…what…?”
Her thin, beautiful fingers held something up.
A little bottle. The label read SLEEPING PILLS.
“Why…?” He could barely manage a whisper.
“Thank you for trying, Sakuta.”
“I can…still…”
He couldn’t even sit upright.
“You’ve done so much for me.”
“…No, I…”
“You’ve done enough.”
Her hand reached out and brushed his cheek. It felt warm. Comforting. And it tickled. But even that sensation was quickly fading away.
“No…I haven’t…”
He wasn’t sure the words were getting out.
“I started this whole thing alone. Even if you forget me, I’ll be fine.”
Mai herself was a blur now. Her hand was still on his cheek. Her fingers brushed against his ear.
“But thanks for everything.”
He hadn’t done anything worthy of her gratitude.
“And…I’m sorry.”
She hadn’t done anything requiring an apology.
“You can rest now.”
Her voice led the way. Sakuta’s eyes closed. His consciousness slipped into sleep.
“Good night, Sakuta.”
A deep, deep slumber…
Don’t worry.
Right now, you might feel sad and upset…
But in the morning, you won’t remember me or those feelings.
So relax and get some sleep.
I enjoyed these last few weeks.
Good-bye, Sakuta.
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