Seishun Buta Yarou Series - Volume 9 - Chapter 1.5

5

It was still light out as he left. All winter, the skies to the west had been turning red at this hour. They were a certain blue, heralding the turn of the seasons. Sakuta made the short hike to Shichirigahama Station.

The train pulled in just as he arrived, and he hopped aboard and took it back to Fujisawa.

Mingling with middle-aged sightseers, foreign tourists, students, and kids with knapsacks, he passed through the gates and headed across the bridge toward the JR station.

A twentysomething man was busking in the square outside the electronics store. A circle of students in uniform had formed around him. The high school girls walking in front of Sakuta were chatting about it.

“A Touko Kirishima cover?”

“He’s good.”

“Let’s stop and listen.”

They joined the group.

Touko Kirishima was an artist Mai had told him about. The next big thing, apparently. Did all her stuff on some video site. If she was getting covered on the street like this, she had definitely hit the big leagues.

But he had places to be, so he simply glanced at the busker in passing and moved on. He turned left at the electronics store and went down the stairs.

His path home led off to the right, but like Rio had implied, he had a date.

On the street below, he followed the road to the restaurant he worked at.

Inside, a cute waitress with fluffy short hair called out a greeting, but her smile wilted when she saw him.

“Oh, it’s just you, senpai.”

Tomoe Koga rolled her eyes at him. She was a year below him at school.

“I’m a customer today,” he said.

“I know. Your name wasn’t on the shift list.”

“……”

“D-don’t!”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t act like I was specifically checking your shifts. I just wondered who was working today!”

“I didn’t imply any of that.”

“But inside your head, you definitely made it weird.”

“Well, that’s just what teenage boys do.”

“Ugh, you’re so gross.”

He’d made a generalization, yet she blamed him alone. Giving him her most disgusted look.

“I just thought you were extra cute today, Koga.”

“Th-that, I’ll allow, but don’t say it out loud!”

“Then I won’t think it, either.”

“I said thinking’s okay!”

While they were going at it, the door behind him opened.

Another customer entered.

“Welcome! Table for one?” Tomoe asked, her smile back on.

“It’s now two,” Miwako Tomobe said, giving Sakuta a mischievous wink.

He told Tomoe this could be a while, so she found them an out-of-the-way seat by the windows.

They ordered drinks, and Miwako got some pancakes as well. While she ate, they chatted about Sakuta’s college plans and how Kaede was holding up. Basically just small talk.

Tomoe cleared away the empty plate, and they refilled their drinks, and then Sakuta got down to business.

“This is about our mother,” he began.

That was why he’d arranged for the two of them to meet.

“Your father didn’t tell me much, but…she’s institutionalized?”

“She’s in and out these days. Home recuperation. But still spending plenty of time at the hospital.”

He was being really vague because he didn’t know the details, either. His father was trying not to worry them. And Sakuta had been preoccupied with the two Kaedes.

“But apparently she’s on the mend.”

Which meant he had questions he needed to run by Miwako.

“Okay.”

“See, Mom said she wanted to see Kaede.”

He was pretty sure Miwako had figured out where this was going. When he finally put it out there, she nodded slowly.

“Ah.”

“And when Kaede heard, she said she wanted to see her. To go visit.”

“Yeah. That makes sense.”

“And I know it’s a good thing she feels that way, but…”

Sakuta was glad that Kaede wanted to see her mother. And that she’d said as much.

“But I’m just not sure it’s safe to do that.”

He felt that was a sad thing to admit, but no use hiding it from Miwako. This was why he was asking her advice, so bravado would just get in the way.

“You’re worried about Kaede?”

Seeing her mom again could well be quite a blow. Her condition wasn’t Kaede’s fault, but the bullying she’d been through had made their mother lose confidence in her parenting skills and started her breakdown. If she saw what their mother was like now, Kaede might feel responsible. And that might crush her.

She was finally able to go outside, go to school, and decide her own path in life… Sakuta didn’t want to see her closing herself off again.

He wanted Kaede to see their mother, to be able to visit her. But as much as he wanted her to move forward, the what-ifs kept his feet glued to the ground.

“You’re a classic big brother.”

“Mm?”

He almost spit his tea.

“You’re really playing the role to the hilt.”

“Meaning?”

Miwako didn’t answer. Instead, she simply put her thoughts on the subject in plain words.

“If you’re there for her, I’m sure Kaede will be okay.”

“……?”

That wasn’t a reason he was prepared to accept.

“Kaede’s worked out that you will always have her back, and that’ll get her through most things.”

“……”

It still didn’t feel right.

“You don’t believe me.”

He trusted Miwako and believed she meant what she said. She’d been there for Kaede all this time, patiently working with her. It was his own part in this that Sakuta had no faith in. And it was his part that Miwako was basing her confidence on.

“Should I list all the good things about you until you start feeling confident?”

“No thanks.”

That would just be torture.

He might not be on board with her logic, but he decided to trust her overall judgment. That was better than trying to prevent Kaede from seeing her mother.

“In which case, I think you should allow them to meet as long as your mother is up to it. Have you picked a date?”

“Working on it. I figured I should talk to you first, Ms. Tomobe.”

The idea of consulting Miwako had come up in the conversation with his father, and that had led directly to their meeting today.

“Mom hasn’t actually talked to her advisers about it, either, so we’re waiting on an answer from them.”

“Ah. Well, let’s hope it works out.”

Miwako gave him a warm smile. Her words were heartfelt.

And he finally felt like he understood what she was saying. He finally accepted it.

It wasn’t just Sakuta. Kaede had people around her who were there to worry and there to help. Miwako had her back, and so did Mai and Nodoka. Kotomi Kano had come over to visit, and that had helped. Having people like that gave Kaede the courage to keep going.

She’d been through her share of hardship, but she’d still managed to find things important to her. And that’s why she’d be fine.

Miwako finished off her tea. She put the empty cup down on the saucer and looked Sakuta in the eye.

“Are you okay?”

“……?”

“You don’t get why I’d be worried.”

That was more or less accurate.

“Rifts between family members in adolescence tend to play along gender lines. Mothers and daughters are particularly prone to it, so I’m not actually that concerned. But…you haven’t seen your mother in a long time, Sakuta.”

“Well…no.”

“Do you want to see her?”

“……”

Her question didn’t exactly come out of nowhere. They’d talked about his mother before. The answer shouldn’t have been this elusive.

But when she asked, Sakuta found himself weirdly reluctant. He tried to say yes, but the word stuck in his throat.

“…I might…be a little scared of it.”

When he dug down to the source of his reluctance, those words came out. Once he put his mind to it, his fears were hardly trivial. He could see them clearly now. He might have only just realized it, but this had been gnawing away at him for some time—and he wasn’t sure when.

It had been two long years.

If he saw his mother again, how would he begin?

Should he just be all, “Hey, long time no see,” or…would that be wildly inappropriate? He tried to imagine how he’d feel, how he’d act, what he’d do…and he didn’t know how it would turn out, what was right, or what he even wanted. He couldn’t form any clear picture of it.

“I just don’t know what to say. Kaede always talked to her more than I did. That’s true for Dad as well.”

“Tell me about your mother.”

“I mean…she’s like anyone else. I guess she’s pretty chill. She was a housewife and did a good job with the housework.”

Cooking three meals a day, cleaning all the rooms, doing everyone’s laundry… She had a lot on her plate, but Sakuta never really noticed any failings on her part.

Every now and then there’d be a pile of dirty laundry or takeout for dinner or instant ramen for lunch, but he’d never once heard her complain about having too much work. But doing all that work takes a toll, and there must have been days when she didn’t feel up to it.

When they’d moved out, he’d had to do it all himself, and…he understood that now.

“And…”

But he couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Even though they’d lived together for fifteen years before he’d moved to Fujisawa.

There should have been more.

“We so often don’t know our parents.”

“…I guess so.”

“Especially boys. You don’t know about your parents’ childhoods, when they first fell in love, what friends they have or had, or even how your parents met.”

“……”

Sakuta could only nod. He didn’t know any of that.

He felt pretty sure he’d talked to his father more since they started living apart. In junior high, all their interactions had been through his mother. “Your father said…” or “I told your father…”

And his conversations with his mother had mostly been answering whatever questions she asked. He’d never really been inclined to share what he’d done that day—but Kaede had.

Kaede had always been close to their mother, and closer to their dad than Sakuta had been. The three of them were a close-knit family.

It was weird. He was trying to remember any conversations he’d had with his mother, but nothing came to mind. They must have all been about such ordinary things that nothing had stuck.

“Good morning,” “Dinner’s ready,” “Thanks for cooking,” “I’ll be back late today,” “I’m off to school,” “I’m home,” “Bath’s ready,” “Bath’s free,” “Good night.”

They’d probably had more interactions than that, but all just part of the daily routine, and nothing that would catch in the nets of his mind.

And that’s why he had no clue what to do if he saw her again. He’d never really thought about how to talk to her. Their conversations had always been about regular, everyday stuff. And since that wasn’t an option, he was freaking out a bit. He’d never spoken to her under less than ordinary circumstances.

But realizing that felt like a weight had lifted off his chest.

“I’m glad I talked to you about this,” he said.

“Oh?”

Miwako blinked at him.

“It helped me figure out what’s going through my mind.”

“Well, if there’s anything bothering you, feel free to ask.”

“I’ll do that.”

Miwako sent him off with one last encouragement. “I hope Kaede gets to see her mother.”