She’s the Cutest… But We’re Just Friends! - Volume 1 - Chapter 1

Episode 001 - My Name, and Jun’s Real Name, Are Both Ridiculous 

Kai and Jun were two otaku peas in a pod, with many of the same interests. They also had a few complexes in common. 
Jun was the first to realize this. It happened a year ago on the day of the entrance ceremony. This is the story of the very first time Jun, enticed by MHW, came over to Kai’s house to hang out.

“I picked Asagi because I heard they didn’t care if you played video games or read manga at school,” said Jun. 
“Me too, me too!” 
They were on the way back to Kai’s house. Kai walked next to Jun, down a public road that ran through a residential area. 
“At my middle school, they didn’t even let you bring your cell phone!” 
“Same, same! Like, who even cares as long as you’re not using it in class?” 
“Right?! It made it really hard to get in touch with my mom whenever something happened. It sucked,” said Jun. 
“That’s so behind the times,” Kai agreed. “I remember being even more pissed when I read something online saying more and more schools are letting students have their phones on them.” 
“On the other hand, isn’t it crazy that Asagi lets us bring our Switches to class too?” 
“Yeah!” 
“I didn’t fully believe it,” Jun elaborated. “I was like, ‘The teachers really won’t confiscate them? If they took my Switch, I’d straight-up die.’” 
“I feel that. I was honestly pretty nervous up until homeroom started.” 
“I even nailed a sweet drift in Koopa Castle in front of the teacher, and they just let it slide!” 
“I hunted two Rathalos in class, and they didn’t get mad!” 
“It was freaking awesome! WAY more exciting than playing at home!!” 
“I feel free... or should I say, liberated as hell after being repressed all through middle school. I’m honestly impressed. Like, ‘Wow, is this what it’s like being in high school?’ I feel like I’m one step closer to being an adult.” 
“Exactly! That’s exactly it, Kai! You said it perfectly!” 
“O-Oh yeah?” he asked. 
Jun, deeply moved, suddenly grabbed Kai’s left arm and shook it like she was trying to yank his arm off. Even this mild bit of physical intimacy was a huge shock to an adolescent virgin like Kai. Not to mention just how gorgeous Jun was. It almost looks like we’ve been walking arm in arm...! he thought to himself, heart pounding wildly. No one was there to burst his bubble and tell him, “No, not really.” 
Afterwards, Jun composed herself and said, “But we should probably dial it back after tomorrow...” 
“Yeah, I feel kinda bad...” Kai admitted. “Everyone was sorta put off by it.” If they kept that up tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, they’d end up isolated from the rest of their new class. They wouldn’t make any friends. Definitely no bueno... 
He’d never been a loner by nature. He’d always had good friends, even before high school. Of course, he didn’t really feel the need to make a ton of friends in high school either. He wanted to be friends with people he got along with, people who shared his interests. 
As those thoughts were running through his mind, Jun asked him, “But I did make one friend right off the bat because of that, right?” 
She said this while looking into his face, walking right beside him. A bit embarrassed, she tried to play it off with an impish grin and said it teasingly. But she was still holding onto Kai’s arm the entire time. 
“W-Well, true that.” Kai was too embarrassed to come up with a slick response. He looked off in the other direction, but didn’t try to shake himself free from Jun’s tight grip. 
Then, thanks to Jun, he was able to confidently announce to his family:

“I’m hoooome! I brought a friend .”

He succeeded in scaring the crap out of his mother, who poked her head out of the kitchen and said, “WOW... you have a friend this cute?!” 
I’m more shocked than anybody here, he thought. He couldn’t help but find it a bit humorous. 
 
Kai had her wait a little bit while he cleaned up his mess, then invited her up to his room on the second floor. 
“Oh!” she exclaimed as she took a step inside. 
This startled Kai. He thought he’d hidden everything he didn’t want a girl to find. Did he miss something? “Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-What’s up?” he asked suspiciously. 
Jun then pointed up at the wall scroll on his ceiling and happily noted, “I’ve seen that anime too!” 
So she DIDN’T find the bad stuff... Kai heaved a sigh of relief. Then, he stared at the ceiling along with Jun. He had a The Ryuo’s Work is Never Done! scroll up then, back when the anime had just finished airing. 
“The art style is pretty different from the anime, though. Is this what it was based on?” she asked. 
“Yup,” he nodded. “It was a bonus that came with volume 7.” 
It was an illustration of all five girls drawn by the legendary Shirabi. Veeery moe. The age of every single one of the pajama-clad heroines was in the single digits... AKA loli characters. Others might worry about a girl seeing something like this, but Kai was already completely numb to it. He was an otaku. 
Jun didn’t seem to think anything of it either. In fact, she agreed: “Cute!” She was an otaku too. 
“By the way, which team are YOU on, Kai?” 
“Which ‘team’?” he asked. 
Her question made a bolt of lightning flash across the back of his mind. You’d think she was asking which character was his favorite, if she was looking at a picture of the five characters and asking a question. But Jun intentionally phrased it differently, hiding her actual intent. She was asking which of the double heroines named Ai he liked better, which the author Shiro Shiratori created as foils: Ai Hinatsuru or Ai Yashajin! 
Kai accurately grasped the finer points and context, and read between the lines of her question. “I’m Team Ten,” he answered confidently, referring to Ai Yashajin. This all happened in 0.8 seconds—lightning speed! 
“I know, right?! I’m Team Ten too~” 
“She has the most mature way of thinking even though she’s still just a kid. I thought the parts where she’s the one nitpicking the master were especially interesting. I wanna wife her. She can be kind of hopeless, but it really gets me right in the heart when she shows her weak side, like, clinging to Yaichi, I wanna wi—” As he gushed, overjoyed at having found a kindred spirit, he suddenly came back to his senses. 
Yeesh, I blurted out some really gross things just now, didn’t I?! His regret and anxiousness over saying something he shouldn’t have around a girl made his heart thump wildly in his chest. He broke out in a cold sweat. This was not the time and place to be struck through the heart by Ten’s cuteness. However— 
“I totally know what you mean! I just can’t when she refuses to ask for help right away~ She only does that because deep down she’s just a girl who wants to be recognized by the one she loves, and it makes me SOOO weepy~” Jun beamed as she nerded out, not disgusted in the slightest. 
He suddenly wanted to high-five her. With the care only a virgin would bother with, Kai gingerly gave her a high-five so he wouldn’t hurt a girl. Though they only touched for a split second, Kai noticed Jun’s palm was silky smooth. He stared at his palm and basked in the afterglow without a second thought. 
Then, Jun drifted over to his bookshelf. “Do you mind if I take a look?” she asked. 
“...Yeah, of course,” Kai consented with hesitation. 
Most of his collection wasn’t embarrassing for her to see, but—in the very middle—sat World’s End Harem and How to Build a Dungeon: Book of the Demon King, neither of which were 18+ but were definitely erotic. He’d drop dead if a girl found them. His life would be OVER. 
Please don’t find them...! he prayed. 
That very moment, he heard Jun let out a surprised “Ohhh!” and felt like his heart would leap out of his chest. “Wh-Wh-Wh-What’s up?” he asked yet again, in a very suspicious manner. 
Jun pulled out one of the books in his collection and turned around to him. “You’ve got shoujo manga?! You like shoujo?!” she exclaimed, her eyes glimmering as she thrust a volume of Our Precious Conversations at him. 
So she DIDN’T find World’s End Harem... Kai heaved a sigh of relief. He then joined Jun in front of the bookshelf. “I’ve loved the author ever since My Little Monster,” he said. 
“There’s going to be an MLM movie soon, right?!” Jun said excitedly. “I’ve been reading the original to prepare! Who’s your favorite character?!” 
“Hm, I think Asako might be my favorite out of everyone in MLM,” Kai replied. 
“Asako RULES! She’s super-duper pure and determined and she cares so much about her friends! It’s really noble of her to be so strong-willed because of how badly she’s been hurt before! I wish I could be her friend! No, wait, I wish I could marry her!!” she rattled on before coming back down to earth. Then she suddenly looked away. “Yikes, I bet you thought I was being creepy just now,” she said, fidgeting uneasily. 
“Noooo no no, I know what you mean! I TOTALLY get it! I love Sanae from Scum’s Wish too, but Asako has a different charm of her own!” he reassured her. 
His desperate appeal to let her know that she had nothing to be embarrassed about succeeded, and her face lit up again. “I mean, don’t you think it’s creepy for me to be reading shoujo manga even though I’m a dude?!” he asked. 
“That doesn’t matter! If it’s good, then who cares?!” Jun exclaimed. 
The two of them high-fived again. 
“I’ve only ever had guy friends, and none of them have ever wanted to talk with me about shoujo manga—” 
“Me too! I’ve been so lonely!” 
The two high-fived for a third time. 
“Even though you’re a girl, Jun?!” he asked incredulously. 
“My friends only read the mainstream stuff that gets made into movies,” said Jun. “I recommended the MLM author’s other manga and told them they were good, but all they said was, ‘Hmmm. Hmmm’! It kills me!” 
“It’d kill me too!” Even more high-fiving. 
“Oh, and even when I do talk to them about MLM, all they ever wanna do is talk about how cool the male characters are,” Jun continued. “They’re all like, ‘I wish I could get a hug from Haru!’ But when I say, ‘I wish I could smooch Asako,’ nobody gets it! They treat me like a huge weirdo! Same thing with every other manga!” 
“Personally, I would LOVE to marry one of the female classmates from OPC—the girl with the long black hair! I wish she would look my way!” 
“OH MY GOD! Kai, you understand!” 
Kai and Jun went back and forth ecstatically, high-fiving one after another so many times that halfway through, they ended up just high-fiving multiple times in a row. 
This was the first time they’d ever gotten this worked up over shoujo manga. It was a first for both of them. 
 

The world is so vast! Kai couldn’t help but think to himself. 
Who knew he’d ever have this many interests in common with someone? Who knew he’d ever get along this well with someone? And not somebody of the same sex—someone of the opposite sex! 
And what a miracle that of all the people in the whole wide world, he’d crossed paths with Jun! 
Kai was touched, deeply so. Surely, Jun felt the same. 
 
A short while after they’d calmed down, she and Kai remembered their original goal. They booted up the PS4 and prepared to play MHW. Jun tried to find somewhere appropriate to sit, when Kai suddenly realized: he didn’t even have any cushions to sit on in his room, much less a couch. The floor was bare wood—no carpet. “...I normally just use my bed as a couch,” he said, before sitting on the edge of the bed. “...So, uh, feel free.” 
As you might expect, Jun was hesitant at first. She’d learned to oppose sitting on a guy’s bed. But in the end she ended up decisively plopping down right next to him, as was her nature. 
On the other hand—far too late at this point—Kai was extremely flustered about having a girl sit on his bed. Much like her boobs, Jun’s butt was extraordinarily fine, perfectly shaped, and absolutely mesmerizing. And her butt was on his bed! ON HIS BED! 
Jun had also shortened her skirt, meaning that her pale thighs were exposed and right next to Kai. It was far too great of a temptation for an adolescent boy like Kai. The way she kept unconsciously pulling down the hem of her skirt to keep her underwear from showing was also indescribably arousing. He fought back the urge to gulp. 
S-Speaking of which, I guess this is the first time I’ve ever invited a girl to my room, isn’t it... 
It had completely slipped his mind thanks to him and Jun jabbering away right from the get-go. The more he carefully considered it, though, the more he realized how absurd the entire situation was. He didn’t want to think about it any further. The more he thought about it, the more aware of it he became. He’d get nervous. Hurry up and start already, MH! Why’s it taking his PS4 so long to just boot up?! 
Then—just as he was grappling with this internally—it happened.

“ Ashie , I bought some cake! Would you and your friend like to have some?” 
“JESUS, MOM, could you at least knock?!” 
His heart nearly leapt out of his chest thanks to his mother, who had suddenly opened the door and popped her head in. Not that they were doing anything to be ashamed of. It was just... a bit of a surprise attack when he’d been sitting there wondering to himself, Guess we ARE sitting pretty close... Is my mind in the gutter for even being aware of that? 
“I’ll have some cake later. We were right about to play a video game,” he told his mom. 
“Oh, were you now?” 
Kai stood up from the bed and shooed his displeased mother out of the room. He nearly returned to his original spot before realizing that this was the perfect opportunity to revisit how close he was sitting to Jun. No no no. Now that we’re friends, trying to be modest about it would be even weirder! 
He eventually ended up sitting down at about the same distance from her, his heart racing all the while. 
“ Ashie , is it true that you brought a super-cute friend over” 
“JESUS, SIS, could you at least knock?!” 
His heart nearly exploded thanks to his older sister, who had suddenly opened the door and popped her head in. Not that he was doing anything to be ashamed of! Not at all! 
“Man, she is a total cutie. Especially for somebody like you, Ashie!” his sister teased. 
“SIS... She’s not an exhibit,” he said, annoyed. “Scram, we’re gonna play MH.” 
“Yeesh, no need to get your panties in a wad. Trying to keep her all to yourself, you big studly man?” 
“Yeah yeah yeah, that’s what I’m doing, keeping her to myself.” Kai stood up from the bed and shooed his displeased sister out of the room. He and his sister were about two years apart. While they didn’t have a bad sibling relationship, it wasn’t particularly great either. 
He just realized: as he was flustered about inviting a girl to his room for the very first time, his family was also over the moon. They couldn’t help but be curious about the female friend he brought over (and a hottie, to boot!). 
“ Ashie , I picked up some sushi! Your friend can have some too, if she wants!” 
“Come ooooooon, Dad, that doesn’t mean you have to come home early from work!!!” 
What was WITH his family?! He shooed his father out of the room too, and then sat down on the bed, completely fed up. Fortunately, Jun seemed to be enjoying it and was giggling, not bothered by it in the slightest. 
“Sorry about all the big fuss...” he apologized. 
“Not at all,” Jun replied. “Your family is pretty close, huh?” 
“I’d really love to write ‘Good fences make good neighbors’ in my mom’s dictionary...” 
“Also, I’d love some sushi.” 
“Sure, go ahead and have some of that at least,” he said. “Besides, it’s already paid for.” 
“Also, Kai?” Jun asked. 
“What, Jun?” 
“What do they mean by ‘Ashie’?” 
Kai ignored her question. 
“Isn’t that odd? How come they call you ‘Ashie’ when your name is Kai?” Jun was relentless in her cross-examination. 
“AHHHHH, I can’t hear you!” 
“Should I be calling you ‘Ashie’ too?” He covered his ears with his hands and pretended like he couldn’t hear her, but she wouldn’t let up. 
I didn’t want her to know, if I could manage it... He resolved himself and decided to come clean, bitter about his outspoken family. 
“Do you know how to write my name?” Kai asked her. Since the entrance ceremony was today, she would’ve seen his name card on his desk along with the flowers if she’d been paying attention. 
“Nakamura, right?” 
“What about my first name?” 
“It’s spelled with the character ‘hai’ meaning ‘ashes,’ but pronounced ‘Kai,’ right?” Jun responded. “Even I know that spelling.” 
“That was a lie.” 
“Huh?” 
“I introduced myself to you and during homeroom as ‘Kai Nakamura,’ but I lied,” he said. 
“Huh? Huh?” 
“It’s actually pronounced differently.” 
“Huh? Huh? Huh?” Jun was completely taken by surprise that he was lying about how to pronounce his name. It was impossible not to be shocked by it, though. 
Despite how incredibly befuddled she sounded, Kai didn’t notice. He continued on. “My name is pronounced ‘Ash,’” he confessed in a monotonous, matter-of-fact way. 
For a moment, Jun couldn’t manage a reaction. “...What?” 
“It’s pronounced ‘Ash.’” 
“...” 
“Yeah, I know it’s a weird name. A real bizarre name. Laugh if you want to.” 
“But your mom and dad seem like such squares...” 
“They were pretty young though, right?” Kai pointed out. “They got married when they were students. Apparently they were a real chuuni couple who aspired to be a manga artist and an LN author. They hooked up, got knocked up, and that’s what they named me,” he explained at length in desperation. (His sister’s name, by the way, was Serena as in ‘serenade.’ Cringey, right?) “That’s why my family calls me ‘Ashie.’” 
Jun froze for a brief moment, perhaps in shock. Then, she pointed a trembling finger at him and asked, “So, ‘Ash Nakamura’?” 
“...Go ahead and laugh.” 
“Pfft—” 
“WOW, you’re actually going to laugh?!” 
“Laugh or don’t, which is it?!” Jun’s objection was valid, although he hoped she would’ve considered his fragile mental state! 
“...Well, because of that, I’d appreciate it if you pretended like you didn’t know,” he told her. “Keep calling me ‘Kai,’ please.” 
“Mm, you got it,” Jun agreed with relative ease. He figured she’d tease him a little more. “I’ll keep it a secret from the rest of the class too.” 
“Thanks.” That was the end of that conversation. Or at least, that’s what Kai thought when he thanked her. But then— 
Her graceful, long eyelashes quivered with sorrow. 
“What’s wrong?” Kai pressed her, to show he’d listen if she had something important to say. Eventually, Jun steeled herself before bashfully confiding in him. 
“...Do you know how to write my name?” 
“Huh. Well, uh...” He did remember it, because he saw it was spelled in an unusual way when he looked at the name card on her desk. Her name was written ‘Jun Miyakawa,’ with two kanji characters for her first name even though it was only one syllable. 
“It’s written with the character ‘jun’ meaning ‘pure’ twice, which you combine into one syllable and just pronounce ‘Jun,’ right?” he offered. “Unusual, but sophisticated and stylish.” 
“That was a lie.” 
“Wha?” 
“I introduced myself to everybody as Jun, but I lied,” she said. 
“...Yeah?” 
“Yeah.” 
“How is it actually pronounced?” 
“‘Pure pure.’” 
“...Wha?” 
“It’s spelled like ‘Junjun,’ but pronounced ‘Purepure’!” Jun yelled desperately. “Purepure... Purepure... Purepure...” echoed throughout the room. 
Holding back the urge to burst into laughter, Kai pointed a trembling finger at her and asked, “So, ‘Purepure Miyakawa’?” 
“Yeah, I know it’s a weird name. A real bizarre name.” 
“Were your parents aspiring to be manga artists or LN authors too?” 
“This otaku apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!” 
“What do they call you at home? ‘Pupu’?” he inquired. 
“I’d K-word my parents if they didn’t call me ‘Jun.’” 
“Hey, ‘Pupu’ can be yummy, like pupu platter.” 
“Did you say something, †Ash†?” 
“I’m sorry, it was nothing!” he apologized, throwing himself on his hands and knees. After holding that position for a while, Jun burst into laughter. 
“Pfft—” 
Kai laughed too, still on his hands and knees. Once he started, neither of them could stop. 
“Oh my god, this is crazy!” 
“Ohhhh my god!” 
“I can’t believe we both have freaking ridiculous names, too!” 
“And what’s so funny about that?” asked Kai, despite finding the whole thing incredibly funny. Jun was in stitches too, kicking both legs around in laughter. Her soft-looking thighs jiggled healthily and evocatively before his very eyes. ANYWHO... 
“Definitely keep it a secret from everybody else.” 
“I’ll definitely keep it on the down low.”

And that’s how their relationship began, one year ago. 
 
Now back to present day, a week and some change since the entrance ceremony for their second year of high school. Just like every other day, Jun came to hang out at Kai’s house once school was out. 
They were sitting next to each other on his bed, enjoying an online game on their two TVs and PS4s. It was a third-person shooter where players fought 15-vs-15 using tanks. Kai and Jun had formed a tag team called a “platoon,” and were on the same team. 
The match began. “This passive scouting spot is sick. I’ve got a full view of where the enemy is.” 
“Nice!!!” 
“Alright—got them right where we want ’em! Camp that spot!” 
“Aiming riiiight now~” 
“Watch! The enemies are gonna drop like flies, bwahaha!” 
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOBS!” 
The two were pretty pumped because the battle had been in their favor right from the opening gambit. Kai and Jun were on the very edge of their seats holding their gamepads. 
“Huh, something just hit me.” 
“You been spotted, Kai?” 
“Nah... My sixth sense’s not going off. This has gotta be somebody pre-firing!” 
“Your health bar’s going down pretty fast, huh, Kai?” 
“Crap, there’s a unicum on the enemy team?! Run, RUUUUN! They’re sweeping the floor with our Tier 5 asses. We got smurfed!!!” 
“WE’RE THE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOBS!” 
Now suddenly on the losing side, Jun and Kai’s faces were bright red as they clutched their controllers. But alas, their efforts were in vain—Kai’s Luchs was blasted to bits! Jun’s Pz. IV H was blown away too. 
“H-Holy shit...” 
“That w-was terrifying...” 
Kai and Jun sat there completely dumbfounded, still gripping their controllers even after they’d sadly been ejected. Proof of just how absorbed they’d been in the game. 
Because of that, they didn’t even realize that at some point, they’d pressed up against each other just like a couple watching a horror movie in terror. 
Gah... Kai could feel his pulse quicken. He was very aware of how squishy Jun’s arm felt. Even though guys tease their girlfriends for having little sticks for arms—and she just was all skin and bone—Jun’s arm was unbelievably plump and exquisitely soft. 
Gulp. Uh. What do I do now... 
To be completely honest, he wished they could stay pressed up against each other forever. It felt good. She was so squishy. And, it wasn’t like they were doing anything bad—he wasn’t massaging her boobs or anything like that. They were friends first and foremost. Wouldn’t it be way more hypersensitive of him to worry about every single little thing, like whether or not their arms and shoulders were touching? He oughta just take it in stride, right? 
The more he tried to build an argument for it in his head, the more devious it made him feel. What in the world was he supposed to do? 
I’ll leave it up to Jun! If Jun pulled away from him, so be it. 
But her face didn’t show a single ounce of unwillingness. In fact, she didn’t seem to mind sitting like this at all. Meaning, Kai was totally in the clear! Street smarts, 1-0! 
“Hey, Kai?” 
Being spoken to right as he was thinking these Extremely Devious and Shameful things made Kai nearly jump off the bed. “Y-Yes, whazzit?” he blurted out. His voice cracked, he came off way too polite, and to top it off, he’d also stumbled over his words. 
Whether or not she knew about the simple, boyish feelings running through his mind, Jun then asked, “Your arm stiffened up?” She squeezed Kai’s upper arm to see what it felt like, inching even closer to him. Holy moly. She was taking it a step further despite having no idea just how torn he was. Kai was all worried for nothing! 
“Like, did you get buffer?” 
“Say that again, Jun?” 
“Hm?” she asked. 
“Say I got ‘buffer’ one more time.” He’d just learned for the first time how happy it made him feel to hear a girl say those words. Not even guys know how a guy’s mind works. 
“Ew...” Jun’s face darkened, clearly saying, “We might be friends, BUT...” 
Kai felt bad. Then, he answered her question seriously. “Oh, I guess Fitness Boxing is starting to pay off!” he said, name-dropping an exercise game for the Switch he’d been really into recently. 
“You’re still playing that?” 
“It’s fun.” 
“I give up on that game! One session gave me muscle cramps!” Jun huffed. 
“I told you, it only hurts the first time!” 
“No filthy remarks allowed, then!” 
“No ‘reading into things too much’ allowed, then!” 
As they laughed together, Kai was reminded of the day he bought the game.

He played it with Jun first because it had a two-player mode. The game had a boxing theme and called for those movements, but the point was to keep the rhythm going by punching at the right time and doing evasive maneuvers. Though not particularly fun, it felt good to get their bodies moving. Jun and Kai got really into it and played against each other for about two hours. 
The next day, however, all those muscles Kai normally didn’t use screamed out in pain. His arms in particular hurt so bad they were practically numb. It went straight to Kai’s head. “Gotcha... The aching means I’m getting stronger...” 
Jun, on the other hand, felt differently. “This SUCKS! My whole body hurts! Don’t buy weird games Kai, you big dummy!” she chewed him out. Perhaps guys and girls just have different ways of seeing and feeling things. Or maybe only one of them was the dummy. 
End flashback.

“Well... Sorry, but I guess if you like it, Kai—I mean, it’s good you’re sticking with it, I suppose,” Jun shrugged. 
“Yup. You’re looking at a guy who’s done 10,000 punches in a single month.” 
“Suuure. And, well, guess there’s nothing wrong with getting in shape either,” she continued, still leaning against him. She smiled with her eyes and—seemingly off in a world of her own—caressed his forearm. Maybe his arms, toned from day after day of Fitness Boxing, felt nice to the touch just like Jun’s squishy forearms felt to him as a guy. 
N-No, we’re just friends though! 
Kai was on cloud nine despite his misgivings. Pressing his luck, he said, “If you ever find yourself in a fight with some thugs, I’ll step in and knock ’em out for you.” 
“You sure I can expect that from you?” 
“My bad, I got carried away,” Kai admitted. “I’m a chicken. Let’s just call the police together.” 
“Ahaha! You’re right. The most important thing is not getting hurt.” 
“Us otaku are pacifists!” he agreed. 
“We only man tanks in video ga—” Jun began to say. Right as they were beginning to settle down, the match she and Kai had retired from also finished up on their TV screens. Of course, the unicum on the enemy team had eight kills. Their team got crushed. 
“Alright, wanna have a review session?” 
“Sure!” 
Reviewing how you played was crucial to improving at the tank game World of Tanks. For this reason, Kai and Jun always checked the Battle Replays together, something players could view after the match had ended. Now to see how they fared... 
“You were missing a lot of shots, Jun,” Kai commented. “All my beautiful passive scouting down the drain!” 
“I blame you for all the bullets you sent flying off into God knows where!” 
“That’s why I told you to pick the T-34! I told you, have some faith in the Almighty Pom-Pom and the pro-Soviet bias.” 
“But weren’t you manning a German tank too, Kai?” 
“It’s my right to prefer the Luchs! It’s the strongest Tier 4 light tank!” 
“And I prefer the IV. I’d rather be with the Anglerfish Team.” 
“Alright alright, Girls und Panzer fangirl. WoT’s not all fun and games!” 
“Weren’t you the dingus who cried when we saw the GuP movie and told me, with your nose dripping snot everywhere, you were gonna start playing WoT?” 
“My nose wasn’t dripping!” 
Even though their shoulders were still pressed together, a dark mood began to fill the air. The nice vibe from before had all but disappeared. 
“...If you are gonna use a IV, then at least stop using the 10.5. You’ve got shit aim,” Kai said in a very nasty tone of voice. As soon as the words left his mouth, a thick, angry vein appeared on Jun’s temple. 
“EXCUSE me? YOU’RE the piece of shit bringing your own partner’s health down getting all trigger happy with the 10.5!” she fumed, shouldering him hard. 
I was just trash-talking. She’s ready to resort to violence! Kai thought to himself. She was in the mood for payback, times ten. 
“Alright, let’s try putting this to use in battle. Blast ’em away with our in-fighting!” he said jokingly, shouldering her back with about the same amount of force. “You’re pretty much my enemy at this point. You’re scaring me!” 
Jun countered back by giving Kai’s thigh a solid smack! 
“You keep saying, ‘I’m scared, I’m scared.’ And you’re a tanker?!” Kai continued, giving Jun’s thigh a solid smack back! 
...Wait, was that bare skin?! I touched her bare skin?! 
It’d completely escaped Kai’s mind that, unlike him, Jun wasn’t wearing any pants. He’d only hit her lightly in a joking way, but the feeling of smacking a bouncy flesh of a girl’s thigh with his bare hands filled his palm with an immoral ecstasy. The way her thigh jiggled from the impact was also erotic. 
But it snapped him back to reality. He realized how fruitless and ridiculous their steadily escalating argument had been. 
“Alright, guess we sh—” 
“Who are YOU kidding with this tanker crap when you don’t have the goddamn BALLS for it yourself?!” 
Jun was still angry. Her hand shot out and immediately grabbed him by the crotch. 
“URGHK.” A strange sound came out of Kai’s mouth. 
But that snapped Jun back to reality, too. Still holding onto Kai’s crotch, she stiffened, and her beautiful face reddened to an amusing degree. “I-I’m sorry,” she mumbled. 
“D-Don’t worry about it.” 
“I’ll l-let go right now.” 
“C-Could you please?” Things would get weird if she didn’t. 
“I’m really sorry,” said Jun. She faked a smile, and—still red from ear to ear—slowly, quietly moved her hand away from Kai’s crotch. Then she wiped her hand with a handkerchief. 
...I’m gonna cry! That hurt! Kai thought to himself, though he said nothing. True men weep on the inside. He looked back at the replay footage and said, “...There wasn’t much to learn from this round anyway.” 
“Yeah. That unicum absolutely creamed us.” 
“Upload the video somewhere.” 
“We’d be the butt of the joke if I did,” Jun pointed out. 
“...How about another then?” 
“Sure. This time we’ll be the ones making the jokes!” 
“Welp, I’ll be countin’ on you, partner.” 
“Leave it to me, partner.” 
They fist bumped. Then, Kai picked his gamepad back up and remade his platoon with Jun.

The game WoT took a long time to load before each match. Their basic strategy was to analyze both sides and predict how the battle might go. The screen showed thirty player usernames, including those on the enemy team, and the names of their tanks. 
Kai looked around when suddenly, his eyes landed on their names.

Selected tank: “Luchs.” Player username: “Ash.” 
Selected tank: “Pz. IV H.” Player username: “pure-pure.”

“I, uh—” 
“What?” Jun asked. Her lips were pursed cutely in concentration. “The match is about to start.” 
Kai ignored her and said, “I always had a complex about my name.” 
“...I did too.” 
“But now I don’t because I’ve got a friend. And now that I’ve got a friend here with me, it doesn’t feel like such a big deal. I’m not even scared of people laughing at me for it anymore.” 
“Same. Me too.” 
The two of them giggled at the same time like it was contagious. That change of attitude was precisely the reason why he and Jun were nicknaming themselves “Ash” and “pure-pure” on purpose now, without even batting an eye. 
He’d become a bit stronger, mentally. He’d gotten one step closer to being an adult. All because he’d met his best friend, someone who meant the world to him! 
“Speaking of which, Kai—” 
“What? The match is right about to start,” Kai said, warning her to focus. 
But Jun ignored him and said, “The whole class knows your name’s actually ‘Ash,’ Kai.” 
“Wh... What do you...” Kai was so mind blown, he put his gamepad down. Unfortunately, the match began, and his Luchs—which needed the momentum from the opening gambit—remained stalled at the starting position. The other players continued blazing across the map. 
“But it won’t faze you if they laugh ’cause you’ve got me, right?” 
“Alright then, guess I’ll leak your real name too, Jun!” 
“I’d die.” 
Then what was in store for Kai?!