Sword Art Online – Progressive - Volume 1 - Chapter 1.04

4 
FOR HER FIRST MEAL IN THREE OR POSSIBLY EVEN four days, Asuna chose a heel of the cheapest black bread the NPCs in town sold, as well as the free water available at the many fountains around the place. 
She’d never particularly enjoyed eating in real life, but the total emptiness of eating in this world was hard to describe. No matter how gorgeous the feast might appear, not a single grain of sugar or salt reached her real body. It seemed to her that they should have eliminated the concept of hunger and fullness altogether, but the virtual body craved food three times a day, and the pangs did not disappear unless virtual food was eaten. 
She’d learned how to shut out the feeling of hunger through sheer willpower while lurking in the dungeon, but there was no hiding the need once back in town. As an act of protest, she always chose the cheapest possible option, but it made her angry, in a way, that even the rough black bread eaten a scrap at a time actually tasted pretty good. 
Asuna was sitting on a simple wooden bench next to the fountain square at the center of Tolbana, chewing away with her hood pulled low. For only costing a single col, the bread was fairly large. Just as she’d finished half of it— 
“Pretty good, isn’t it?” came a voice from her right. Her fingers stopped in the act of ripping another piece free, and she threw a sharp glare in that direction. 
It was the man she’d just left behind at the town entrance a few minutes ago, the black-haired swordsman in the gray coat. The meddlesome stranger who’d somehow transported her unconscious body outside of the dungeon, keeping her journey going when it should have ended. 
Her cheeks suddenly grew hot at the thought. After all of her bold statements about dying, not only was she alive, but he’d seen her chowing down on a meal. Her entire being was wracked with shame, and she froze with the crescent of bread in her hands, uncertain of how to respond. 
The man eventually coughed politely and asked, “May I sit next to you?” 
Normally, she would silently stand up and leave without a second glance, but in this unfamiliar situation, she was at a loss. Taking Asuna’s lack of response as silent permission, he sat down on the far right corner of the bench and rummaged in his pocket, giving her as much space as possible. When his hand reappeared, it was holding a round, black object—a one-col roll of black bread. 
For an instant, Asuna forgot her shame and confusion and looked up at him in simple astonishment. 
If he was good enough to have reached that deep a spot in the labyrinth, and have such excellent equipment, this swordsman must have enough money to afford a full-course meal at a nice restaurant. Was he just a cheapskate? Or … 
“Do you really think that tastes good?” she asked, before she could stop herself. His eyebrows took on an expression of hurt dignity, and he nodded vigorously. 
“Of course. I’ve eaten one every day since I got to this town. Of course, I throw in a little wrinkle.” 
“Wrinkle …?” 
She tilted her head in confusion beneath the hood. Rather than explain out loud, the swordsman reached into his other pocket and produced a small porcelain jar. He set it down on the bench between them and said, “Use this on your bread.” 
For a moment, she wasn’t sure what he meant by “use it on the bread,” then realized that it was a common video game phrase. Use the key on the door, use the bottle on the spring, and so on. She reluctantly reached out and touched the lid of the jar with a fingertip. She selected “use” on the pop-up menu that appeared, and her finger started glowing purple, the signal for “target selection mode.” By touching the black bread in her left hand, the objects would interact. 
With a brief jingle, the bread was suddenly white, coated—no, covered—with a thick substance that appeared to be— 
“… Cream? Where did you get this?” 
“It was the reward for the ‘Revenge of the Cows’ quest in the last town. It takes a long time to beat, so I don’t think many people have bothered to finish it,” he said seriously, using the jar on his bread with a practiced motion. It must have been the last of the container, because the jar flashed, tinkled and disappeared. He opened his mouth wide and took a large bite of his cream-slathered bread. His chewing was so vigorous she could practically hear the sound effects, and Asuna realized that for the first time in ages, her stomach pangs were not an unpleasant pain, but the healthy sign of honest hunger. 
She took a hesitant bite of the creamy bread in her hand. Suddenly, the rough, dry bread she’d been eating had turned into a heavy, rustic cake. The cream was sweet and smooth, with a refreshing tartness like yogurt. Asuna took a few more rapturous bites, her cheeks packed full with a numbing sense of contentment. 
The next thing she knew, there was not a single crumb left of the item in her hands. She looked over with a start to see that she’d finished her food just two seconds before the swordsman. Overcome with shame again, she wanted to get up and run off but couldn’t bring herself to be so rude to the man who’d just treated her to a tasty meal. 

Breathing heavily, attempting to get her mind in order, Asuna finally managed to squeak out a polite response. 
“……… Thanks for the food.” 
“You’re welcome.” 
Done with his meal, the swordsman clapped his fingerless-gloved hands together and continued. “If you want to do that cow quest I mentioned, there’s a trick to it. If you’re efficient, you can beat it in just two hours.” 
“…” 
She couldn’t deny the temptation. With that yogurt cream, her cheap black bread turned into a proper feast. It was only an artificial satisfaction created by the game’s flavor modeling system, but she wanted it again—every day, if possible. 
But … 
Asuna looked down and quietly shook her head. “I’ll pass. I didn’t come to this town in order to eat good food.” 
“I see. Why, then?” 
While the swordsman’s voice wasn’t particularly melodious, there was a boyish inflection to it that was not displeasing to her ears in the least. It was perhaps this feature that led her to speak what was on her mind, something she hadn’t done with anyone else in this world. 
“So that … I can be myself. If I was going to just hide back in the first city and waste away, I’d rather be myself until the very last moment. Even if it means dying at the hands of a monster … I don’t want to let this game beat me. I won’t let it happen.” 
The fifteen years of Asuna Yuuki’s life had been a long series of battles. It started with the entrance exams to kindergarten and followed with an endless succession of tests big and small. She’d beaten them all. Losing in a single instance would mean that her life was no longer of any worth, and she’d successfully shouldered that pressure since the very start. 
But after fifteen years of winning, this test, Sword Art Online, would likely be the end of her. It was too mysterious to her, a culture steeped in foreign and unfamiliar rules, and it was not the kind of battle that could be won alone. 
The only means of victory was reaching the very top of the giant floating castle, a full hundred floors above, and beating the final enemy. But a month after the start of the game, one-fifth of the players were already gone, and most of them were experienced in the ways of these things. The forces left behind were too weak, and the path ahead was so very, very long… 
As though the faucet holding her innermost feelings had been opened the tiniest bit, the words trickled drop by drop out of her mouth. The confession came in fragments, pieces of logic that didn’t add up to full sentences, but the black-haired swordsman sat and listened in silence. When Asuna’s voice had died away in the evening breeze, he finally spoke. 
“… I’m sorry.” 
A few seconds later, Asuna skeptically wondered why he would say that. 
She’d only met him today. He had no reason to apologize to her. She peered to her right and saw that he was hunched over on the bench, his elbows on his knees. His lips shifted, and more faint words reached her ears. 
“I’m sorry … This current situation—the reason you feel so pressured—is my…” 
But she couldn’t make out the rest. The especially large windmill in the center of town started ringing its wind-powered clock bell. 
It was four o’clock, the time of the meeting. She looked up and saw that a large number of players had gathered across the fountain square. 
“Let’s go. You invited me to this meeting, after all,” Asuna said, getting to her feet. He nodded and slowly rose. What was he going to say? It ultimately didn’t matter, because she was never going to speak with him again, but the thought dug into her side like a tiny thorn. 
I want to know. I don’t want to know. Even Asuna didn’t know which desire was stronger.