8
WHO KNEW THAT JUST KEEPING MY GLANCE FROM drifting toward the bathroom door required such a difficult saving throw against temptation?
I was lying deep in the sofa, training all of my concentration on the copy of Argo’s First-Floor Boss Guidebook I’d received earlier that day. But no matter how many times my eyes passed over the simple, easy-to-read font, none of the contents stuck in my mind.
Well, it’s still better than it would be in real life.
Let’s say this was my house in Kawagoe, Saitama, and my mother and sister were away, and a female classmate of mine came in to take a bath for some reason. What would I do? The answer was obvious. I’d silently sneak out of the front door, hop onto my beloved mountain bike, and take off down Prefectural Route 51 toward Arakawa.
Instead, fortunately, I was upstairs in a large farmhouse on the outskirts of Tolbana on the first floor of the floating castle Aincrad, and I was not a geeky teenage MMO fanatic but Kirito the swordsman. As long as my body was this virtual avatar, nothing would happen to me, even after Asuna the fencer exited from the bathroom. Of course, there was always the possibility that this was a clever trap, and that while I was taking my bath, she’d empty the chest in this main room and disappear, but the most she’d find in there were some low-level ingredients from wimpy monsters. In fact, there was no need to take my turn after her. She’d emerge and I’d say, “Good luck tomorrow,” and send her on her way. The end.
I shook my head rapidly and was setting the guidebook down on the coffee table when I heard something.
There was a rhythmic sound at the door—to the hallway, not the bathroom—tap, tap-tap-tap. Someone was knocking, but it was not the farmer’s wife. That particular rhythm was the signature of someone else.
I leapt up with a start and nervously turned around to stare in the direction of the thick oak door and the person standing on the other side—Argo the Rat.
Out the south-facing window into the front yard, onto the donkey tied up outside the stable, then down the path through the forest and to the labyrinth, the thought occurred to me, however briefly. But riding mounts in SAO was an extremely difficult task. They would behave better as the Riding skill increased, but I didn’t have the slot space to waste on a hobby skill like that.
Instead, I hopped off the sofa and went to check on the bathroom. Lady Asuna would be in the midst of her luxurious bath right now. If Argo caught even a hint of this fact, there would be a new piece of information in her book of secrets: Kirito is the kind of man who entices a girl into his bedroom on their first meeting. I couldn’t possibly serve as a model for solo players if news like that got out.
But fortunately, all doors in this world were totally soundproof, with certain exceptions. As far as I knew, there were only three things that could travel through a door: shouts, knocks, and battle SFX. Normal conversations and the sounds of the bath would not leak through, even with an ear to the door.
So I could let someone into the room, and they would have no idea that anyone was bathing in the tub. And if the fencer happened to open the door while Argo was here—well, there was always that donkey.
The above thoughts flashed through my brain as quick as combat reactions, and I approached the hallway door, steeled myself, and opened it. Once I confirmed who it was, I gave her my prepared line. “Strange for you to come visit my room directly.”
Argo the Rat’s whisker-drawn face looked suspicious for a moment, then she shrugged.
“I guess. The client says I have to get an answer out of you before the end of the day.”
She strode comfortably across the room and thumped down into the exact spot on the sofa I’d just been using. I closed the door and turned to the tray in the corner to pour two glasses of fresh milk from the large pitcher there, very carefully keeping myself from glancing at the bathroom door as I returned to the sofa and set the milk on the table. Argo raised an eyebrow and smirked.
“Seems almost too considerate for you, Kii-boy. Slipped a little sleeping powder in there, didja?”
“You know that stuff doesn’t work on players. Even if it did, we’re inside town limits.”
Argo paused a moment to reflect, then admitted I had a point. She raised the glass and downed the entire thing in one swallow.
“That was good. Pretty high taste settings for being all-you-can-drink. Think you could bottle it up and sell it?”
“Unfortunately, it’s only valid for five minutes after leaving the building. Even worse, it doesn’t just disappear, it turns absolutely disgusting …”
“Ooh, I didn’t know that. Nothing scarier than free food.”
I kept praying that she’d get to the damn point, but there was no telling what would happen if she sensed my impatience. With a straight face, I picked up the guidebook I’d left on the table and smacked it.
“Speaking of free stuff, what about this? Now, I’m a happy customer of your work, but I was buying these books for five hundred col each. Then at yesterday’s meeting, Agil the axe-warrior says you’re giving them out for free?” I said sourly. She hissed with laughter.
“It was thanks to you and the other front-runners purchasing the first batch that I was able to make a second printing to distribute for free. But don’t worry, all the first printings have an authentic Argo signature inside.”
“… I see. Well, that’s a great reason to keep buying.”
This free distribution must have been Argo’s way of taking responsibility for her beta tester background. I wanted to open up and ask her about it directly, but even between us, there was an unspoken taboo about discussing the beta. Plus, as a former tester who’d never lifted a finger to help the player population, I didn’t have the right to ask.
Argo swung her brown curls and cut through the heavy silence.
“Welp, do you mind if I cut to the chase?”
Please, please, please, I silently screamed, nodding politely.
“As you can probably guess from the fact that I mentioned a client, this regards the potential buyer of your sword. If you accept today, the offer will be thirty-nine thousand, eight hundred col.”
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