Tania Clarke was the daughter of a typical merchant. Her family wasn’t wealthy, but they weren’t poor either. Surrounded by her father, mother and three sisters, she had an ordinary childhood as a girl in a peaceful and tranquil rural town.
The only thing about her that was different from the other girls was her admiration for Seekers.
It wasn’t uncommon for adolescent boys to aspire to become Seekers. Be it in rural towns or big cities, the sight of young boys playing at Seekers could be seen everywhere. Most gave up before they became adults, so it was like some form of measles.
On the other hand, it was unusual for girls to aspire to become Seekers. It couldn’t be said that there were no female Seekers, but they fundamentally couldn’t match men in terms of aptitude.
Even so, Tania wished to be a Seeker. The trigger for that was, same as the other boys, an admiration for a certain Seeker.
That said, the Seeker that Tania admired was a Seeker from quite an ancient time, and was practically a character in legend.
Called the heavenly shrine maiden, she was a Healer and together with a young man called the Brave(Yuusha)――sometimes called the Messiah, she accomplished many greats feats.
According to legend, she wedded the Brave and together with him, it seemed that they founded the Holy Kingdom of Rhodania――the present-day Republic of Rhodania.
It was far too old of a story, a founding legend to boot, and there were also many dubious and exaggerated parts, but Tania loved this story. She read the book again and again, so many times that she could recite it from memory.
But then, saying that the Brave『used Skills of all Jobs』was, as could be expected, far too overblown, and even as a child, she had smiled wryly at that.
At any rate, it would be no exaggeration to say that Tania's personality was shaped by this legend. At the age of ten, when she was discovered through the power of an Appraiser to have the Job of Healer, the same as the person she admired, it made her dance madly with joy.
Growing more and more devoted to Seekers, Tania joined the young boys who had been playing at Seekers since they were young and dreamed of becoming a Seeker. Even as the other girls played house or played with dolls, and even when they started to get hooked on fashion and stories of love――she had always been captivated by Seekers. Naturally, her family didn't look kindly on that, and scolded her so much that she was sick of hearing it. The other girls also mocked her as a tramp who only played with men.
The hardest part was the fact that the boys, who she had thought were friends and comrades, had started to look at Tania lecherously.
It would have been fine if they only ogled her, but the unnatural touching of her body increased and to cap it all off, she was almost assaulted by multiple people. She was able to defend herself against them somehow, but with that as the trigger, Tania became unable to trust anyone.
After that, Tania continued her training to become a Seeker alone, and when she reached the age of fifteen, she practically ran away from home and moved to the imperial capital.
Of course, living in the imperial capital wasn’t easy. She could attend the Seeker training school for free, but she had to earn her own daily living expenses. When school was out, she had no choice but to spend all of her time working part-time.
Even so, Tania felt fulfilled. She couldn't make friends, and had no time to play, but her efforts to reach her dream of becoming a Seeker weren’t hardships to her.
Above all, Tania’s talent was able to blossom thanks to the training school. She became an object of jealousy to her cohorts, but due to the fact that she had become stronger physically, she became less concerned about the words of others compared to before. In the first place, she didn’t have the time for things like that.
Eventually, her graduation drew near, and Tania, an outstanding Healer, was visited by many headhunters. There were even members of major clans among the headhunters, and the conditions presented were often appealing.
It wouldn’t be bad to accept their invitation and join a major clan. But a truly outstanding Seeker wasn’t one who joined an existing organization, but one that formed a new organization by their own hand.
Joining an organization meant being influenced by that organization. If she was aiming for the top as a Seeker――if she believed in her own potential, what she had to do was decided from the start.
The question was who to choose as the founding members. To Tania, there wasn’t anyone in her cohort that she could trust personally. There was the method of recruiting members, but she was hesitant to do it because of her past trauma――She was scared of others.
When she was hesitating over what to do, Tania met a certain boy. The name of this boy, who was unparalleled in his arrogance from the moment they met, was Noel Stollen.
Noel was aiming for the peak of all Seekers, and was gathering allies for that purpose. What surprised Tania was that he had already succeeded in recruiting Lloyd, who was the top student in the vanguard department of the training school. Tania, who saw great promise in Noel, asked him to let her join as an ally too.
After Tania had been allowed to join, Walter, who was a troublemaker but had definite ability, also become their ally after experiencing Noel’s『rough invitation』.
Thus, Blue Beyond was formed.
With a roster of excellent members, Blue Beyond succeeded in subjugating many Beasts despite being rookies. Also, they were also called big-eater rookies because of their attitude of always aiming for higher Ranks.
For Tania, every day was fun. She could feel that her dream was coming true. Above all, she felt the darkness that had been trapped inside her heart lifting. It was all thanks to Noel.
Noel neither curried favor nor flirted with anyone. Far from it, he was ready to devote his life only to aiming for the top at his young age.
He had a bad personality, but he was pure and also had no wicked thoughts. He trained rigorously every day without rest, and also continued to study about Seekers.
To Tania, who had become unable to trust anyone, that thorough, rational and stoic figure was unreservedly comforting.――She even found it beautiful.
For Tania, who had been alone the entire time, Noel was the first ally that she had obtained that she could trust from the bottom of her heart. Noel would definitely not betray Tania's expectations. That strong trust brought the ability to believe in others back to Tania.
Tania naturally started to be partial to Noel. He was younger, so she doted on him as if he was her real younger brother. She also took care of his food and belongings, and even made clothes for him. The stoic Noel didn’t like Tania's excessive meddling, but he was just like a cat that wasn’t used to people, and it was cute.
She thought that it would be nice if such fulfilling days continued forever.
But it wasn’t to be――
「I love Noel……」
It was sudden. When Tania was thinking back on the day’s events before going to bed at night as she usual did, as if she had received a divine revelation, Tania became aware of her own feelings.
For trust change to affection――and then to love was a natural development for people. It was precisely because he was the first ally that she could trust――It was precisely because she sympathized with him strongly as a comrade, the love that she had become aware of flared up in a flash.
Had Tania been the kind of woman who thought that being in love was a happy thing, she would likely have been in seventh heaven. Her love for Noel was more intense than any emotion that Tania had ever experienced, and was so strong that she could think of nothing else.
Unfortunately, to Tania, her love for Noel was an emotion that brought back her trauma. The fear from her childhood when the boys, who she had talked together about their dreams of becoming Seekers, had suddenly started trying to touch her sexually. The trauma came back vividly to her mind.
On top of that, the worst thing about it was that this time, Tania was going to be in the same position as those boys. This emotion was clearly a betrayal of Noel.
Tania thought that she ought to give up, and even if she confessed her feelings, Noel would definitely reject her. It was precisely because Noel was that way that she had been able to trust him.
Her dilemma was that the more she thought that it couldn’t be, the more she thought excessively of Noel as a lofty existence, and the stronger her feelings became. Controlled by her twisted emotions, Tania spiraled into severe self-loathing and vomited many times. She had been able to escape from the boys. But she would never be able to escape from herself……
Tania, who had become emotionally unstable, decided to refrain from getting involved with Noel. Even so, her love kept on deepening, and she ended up turning her suppressed feelings towards the other women who had affection for Noel.
When she was getting rid of those women behind Noel’s back, most of them listened once she had threatened them, but on occasion, there were also women who were defiant. Tania learned to settle things using violence for such occasions. Even though she was a Healer, she had means of attacking. There were few women who were a match for Tania, who was an excellent Healer. With only a light beating, every one of them had cried and begged for their lives.
The men who didn’t know anything said that Tania, who always had a smile and had a gentle demeanor, was like a holy maiden. But that was terribly off the mark. Tania was undoubtedly a wicked woman. Tania herself was more aware of that than anyone……
「Tania, won’t you go out with me?」
One day, Lloyd confessed his feelings to Tania. She had been aware of Lloyd’s affection for some time. Not just Lloyd’s, but Walter’s as well.
From her experience so far, she didn’t feel happy, and in spite of the fact that even Walter had held it in so as to not disturb the peace of the party, she couldn’t believe that Lloyd, the leader of all people, would confess to her. She even felt anger.
「Are you out of your mind? Aren’t you the leader? Think more of the party」
「Fufufu, do you, who resorts to violence behind other people’s back, have the right to say that?」
Tania felt as if the blood had drained from her body all at once.
「I know your secret. I wonder what Noel will think of it if he knew? For starters, you won’t be able to stay in the party」
「……Are you blackmailing me?」
Not just anger, her killing intent was boiling up. She had no intention of succumbing to blackmail, no matter who the other party was. Precisely because she had fallen into being a wicked woman, there was nothing she was afraid of.
「Don't get me wrong. I’m not blackmailing you」
Lloyd shook his head and sighed.
「You're doing things like that because you’ve fallen for Noel, am I right? But you should know that Noel will never respond to your feelings」
「You don’t have to tell me something like that……」
「In that case, why do you continue? You’re only hurting yourself constantly」
Tania had no answer. She only bit her lip and lowered her gaze.
「You’re tired and unable to make sound judgments. I’m……I’m also a little tired. The mounting pressure that comes from our repeated success is tough」
At Lloyd, who was whining, Tania put on a faint smile that could be taken as ridicule.
「If you can't stand the pressure, why not yield the position of leader to Noel?」
When Tania spoke like she was coldly brushing him off, Lloyd’s face twisted with obvious displeasure. It was a very ugly face that was unbecoming of the usually suave Lloyd.
「Noel is certainly excellent. But if I admit that he’s superior to me, I'll always be in his shadow. I’ll definitely be unable to stand something like that」
「What cheap pride……」
「You're a woman, so you don’t know anything about my feelings」
She thought that it was a self-centered excuse. Lloyd was thinking only of himself. However, inside Tania, sympathy for Lloyd began to grow.
「In short, I suppose you want someone to support you……」
「You too, right? If we support each other, it’ll also benefit the party. What we need the most is to proceed while facing forward. Being shackled by unnecessary feelings forever is the very opposite of doing right by Noel」
Lloyd was right. At this rate, everything would come to nothing.
「……To tell the truth, I don't like you that much」
「But better me than Walter, right?」
「Fufufu, what a terrible way of putting it……」
When she laughed dryly, Lloyd took Tania's hand.
「I've always loved you. Ever since the first time I saw you at the training school. That’s why, it’s fine even if it’s a lie at first. Won’t you come to love me?」
Lloyd looked at her with a sincere look on his face. Tania hesitated for a long while, but eventually gave a small nod. In life, sometimes compromise was needed.
「……Alright. I’ll try my best to grow to love you」
In this way, Tania and Lloyd became lovers. They greatly incurred Noel and Walter’s displeasure, but it was a small price to pay if they could preserve the party with this.
But to get straight to the point, things didn’t take a turn for the better.
Even after Tania and Lloyd became lovers, she couldn’t give herself to him. Now that they were lovers, what happened at night was important. And yet, she couldn’t stop hesitating over even kissing.
However hard she tried, the trauma of the past came rushing back, causing her to feel repulsed by Lloyd. More than anything, Noel’s face would haunt her and she simply couldn’t summon the will to do it.
She felt guilty towards Lloyd and apologized many times. The gentle Lloyd forgave Tania with a smile, but she knew that her continued rejection had hurt his pride even more.
From the point of view of an onlooker, they were a well-matched beautiful couple that anyone would envy. In fact, Lloyd and Tania cared for each other more than ever. They were the very image of a long-married couple. But inside Tania’s heart, there was only sympathy and guilt for Lloyd.
In time, Lloyd started to get hooked on gambling. Tania tried to stop Lloyd, but couldn't speak out forcefully because of her guilt. For that reason, she thought that she would go with him to the gambling dens and act as a brake for Lloyd.
That was a big mistake. Tania’s plan backfired and she ended up addicted to gambling as well.
And before they realized, they had reached the point of even embezzling the party funds――and in the end, became cornered to the extent that they had to run away under the cover of night.
Lloyd had said they would definitely get away, but Tania knew that it was impossible. Noel was relentless. He would likely never forgive traitors.
As expected, Lloyd and Tania were caught very easily. What Tania had not expected, was that Noel would be merciless beyond her imagination. Not only did he thoroughly denounce their crimes, they were even sold off as slaves.
Even Tania, who had been prepared to be condemned, couldn’t help being flustered by that. She inevitably begged for a chance to make amends, but Noel wouldn’t forgive her at all.
「The two of you are idiots」
The slave merchant, Finocchio, derided both of them inside the carriage.
「The two of you should have known that Noel is not right in the head. It’s crazy to do something like betray him when you should have obediently be his allies. Know your place」
She had no answer. Sobs escaped from Lloyd, who was beside her, the whole time. Tania also felt like crying, but she was exhausted because she had cursed Walter too much.
She had gotten emotional, but nevertheless, she had done something bad to Walter. In spite of the fact that he had done nothing wrong. In spite of the fact that it was entirely her own fault……
A buyer for Tania, who had fallen into being a slave, was found right away. He was an old billionaire, and he doted on Tania a lot. Almost as if she was his grandchild.
「You know, I also dreamed of becoming a Seeker back in the day」
The old billionaire said inside the mansion that he bought for Tania.
「But I wasn’t able to fulfill my dream. As the new head of the family, I had my responsibilities. I’ve no regrets about that. But when one’s remaining years grow short, one thinks about the things that might have been. Like if I had become a Seeker, I wonder how my life would have turned out」
That's why, said the old billionaire with a gentle smile on his wrinkled face.
「I want you to talk about the adventures that you’ve experienced so far」
「I was active as a Seeker for only a year, you know? I think that I’ll run out of things to talk about in no time」
「At best, I only have a few years or so left. Both my memory and ability to concentrate have declined. Just one year’s worth of stories or so is just right for me. Besides, I’m happy just being able to monopolize a beautiful storyteller like you」
「Understood, my master. If you’re fine with that……」
In any case, Tania didn’t have the power to refuse. After that, the old billionaire visited Tania's house from time to time and asked for stories of her time as a Seeker.
The old billionaire seemed sincerely happy. Seeing him listen to her stories with eyes shining like a boy’s, Tania also felt proud.
Not once did he ask for anything sexual from her. The most that he had asked for was to have his ears cleaned while resting his head on her lap. The relationship between the two of them was really similar to that of a grandfather and grandchild.
However, the kind old billionaire soon died of a heart attack. Having suffered from heart disease since a few years ago, it seemed that it was apparently an inevitable death.
Tania became free, leaving her with only the mansion that the old billionaire had bought and a vast inheritance. The old billionaire's family didn't say anything in particular. It seemed that the likes of the money given to Tania was small change compared to the old billionaire’s total wealth.
Tania, who was suddenly freed from everything, couldn’t help being at a loss at what to do. She would be able to do anything she put her mind to. But what should she do?
No matter how much alcohol she drank or dressed herself in expensive jewelry or fancy clothes, her heart was not satisfied at all.
However, Tania stopped on the verge of surrendering herself completely to despair. What stopped Tania was an article in a newspaper. In it, the exploits of that Noel, who had become the clan master of the clan called Wild Tempest, were written in detail.
Noel had made it big in a short period of time, and had now become the clan master of a clan that had the seat of Regalia within its reach. Almost as if the likes of Tania, Lloyd, and Walter hadn’t been there from the beginning, he was walking the path to hegemony along with his new allies.
She was happy. At the same time, and to the same degree, she was unable to forgive――
By rights, she should be the one beside Noel. Of course, the one who had caused everything to come to nothing was none other than herself. However, even though she knew that, she couldn’t hold back her tears at the reality that she had been completely erased from Noel’s life.
She brought it on herself, it was all her own fault. If she had been able to look at it pragmatically like that, how much of a salvation it would have been.
But Tania was unable to do that. The dark emotions swirling in her heart were hatred, sadness, anger, and――a curse called love that continued to bind Tania still.
She wished fervently to meet Noel. She knew that there was nothing she could do even if she met him. Even if she attacked him, she would only get the tables turned on her easily.
But she was okay with that. If Noel killed Tania, his hands would be soiled with her blood. For the rest of his life, he would bear the sin of killing his former ally.
No matter how excellent of a Seeker Noel was, he couldn’t erase the past. Even should it be a small scratch, she would have been able to engrave her existence into Noel.
If there was nothing she could do, if her existence had no value to Noel whatsoever, Tania was still okay with that. If anything, that was what she wished for fervently.
And Tania's wish came true without her having to scheme anything.
「Long time no see. ――Tania」
Before Tania’s eyes stood the man that she was still deeply in love with.
I remember thinking, “OMG, is Tania going to be the next member of Wild Tempest!!??” when I read this for the first time. It would fit wouldn’t it? A full chapter POV revealing that person’s past. So far, everyone who has that has become Noel’s ally. However, she is a former ally. Plus, author has said that he put her in specifically to match the manga, so that made me doubt it… However, author has said that Tania will definitely be in Part 4, so…… Which of course sucks for us now because the novel is on hiatus, but still, I look forward to what may happen.
Some people are likely thinking that Tania got off really easily. I think so too. But to me, it’s mostly Lloyd’s fault though I suppose he does deserve some sympathy as it’ll really suck to have a lover who can’t even kiss you. But just like Sky Winged Knights, Blue Beyond was a party that had fundamental issues that weren’t going away and would have torn them apart eventually…
And at the start, there is an interesting nugget about Rhodania and the Messiah, isn’t it? Now we know what Rhodania was trying to achieve with Johann.
Well, next time, it’s finally the actual conversation between Tania and Noel. Will they reconcile? Don’t miss it!
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