To My One and Only Childhood Friend
I can scarcely remember anything Himeno and I said to each other after our reunion. In fact, I can’t even remember how Himeno looked or acted. I was just so excited that I talked without thinking.
But it didn’t matter what the conversation was. For me to say something and Himeno to respond, that was all I needed.
It didn’t seem she had come to see the festival. She was here for work-related reasons, and her car happened to stall near the shrine, so she ended up passing through.
She dodged the question of what kind of work she did. All Himeno would tell me is that it was a “person-to-person” kind of job.
“I’d love to talk a little longer, but I have to get up early,” she said, itching to leave, so I invited her to go out drinking or whatnot sometime soon.
Alcohol’s no good, but sure, we can have a meal, Himeno agreed.
Promising to meet for dinner two days later, we parted.
I was so brimming with joy as to forget about Miyagi for a while.
“Well, that was nice,” Miyagi said. “I didn’t expect that to happen myself.”
“Me neither. Really seems too good to be true.”
“Yes. …I suppose sometimes it is true.”
I would be meeting Himeno again in two days. I needed to consider that the main event, so to speak.
I needed to make some preparations before that.
Back at the apartment, I crossed out the Himeno line on my Things to Do Before I Die, and once I was ready to go to bed, I told Miyagi.
“I’ve got kind of a strange request for you.”
“I don’t drink.”
“It’s not that. It’s about tomorrow. I want to be extra sure about meeting Himeno. Luckily, I’ve got two days, so I can use all tomorrow to prepare. And I want you to help prepare me.”
“Prepare you?”
“I know it’d be pointless to keep anything hidden from you, so I’m gonna be honest. In twenty years, I’ve never really interacted with a girl, ever. So if I just went into this Himeno thing, I know I’d probably bore her and mess up a lot. To hopefully cut down on that, I want to go to town tomorrow and rehearse.”
Miyagi’s face was stuck with a blank look for a few seconds.
“If I’m not mistaken… You want me to play the part of Ms. Himeno?”
“That’s right. Will you take it?”
“…Well, I don’t much mind, but I imagine there would be numerous problems…”
“Oh, you mean how I’m the only one who can see you?”
“Yes, that,” Miyagi confirmed.
“That’s no problem. Why should I care what people think of me? I’m using up all my embarrassment on what Himeno thinks of me anyway. Even if everybody else ridicules me, as long as Himeno likes me just a little, I’m satisfied with that.”
Miyagi looked stunned. “You change in a blink when it comes to Ms. Himeno, don’t you. …But there’s another problem. As you should be aware, I know very little about how women in my generation think. As such, I do not believe you can count on me to be a decent substitute. What may be pleasing to Ms. Himeno could be displeasing to me, what is boring to Ms. Himeno could be exciting to me, what is rude to Ms. Himeno could be polite to me - there could be many such discrepancies. Thus, looking at a sample of women around the age of 20…”
“You get humble in a blink when it comes to yourself, don’t you,” I interrupted. “It’s no problem. Far as I can see, you’re not that different from any other girls out there. Except for the part where you’re a little cuter.”
“…Well, if it’s no problem to you, then very well,” Miyagi nervously replied.
The next morning, I made a reservation at a salon and went into town to buy clothes and shoes. I couldn’t go meeting Himeno wearing my worn blue jeans and stained sneakers.
Finding a select shop that seemed to suit my tastes and following Miyagi’s suggestions, I bought a Fred Petty polo shirt, Chino pants, a belt to match, and then at a shoe store, chocolate-colored desert boots.
“I just don’t think you have to wear anything too fancy. As long as it comes off as being clean, that should be enough.”
“Can I interpret that as "good materials”?“, I asked.
"You’re free to interpret it however you want.”
“Got it. I’ll do that. Feels like I’m being criticized, though.”
“You don’t need to tell me every little thing.”
Once we were done shopping, we went to the salon quite a bit earlier than my appointment.
As Miyagi advised, I just explained “I’m going to meet someone important tomorrow.” The woman gave a complacent smile and passionately cut my hair, giving me a number of practical tips for my big day.
Donned in new clothes and with neatly-cut hair, I was without exaggeration like a different person. The gloomy hair and shabby shirt seemed to have more effect on my appearance than I thought.
Now that those were gone, I was like a fresh young guy out of a pop music video.
“Why, you seem almost like an entirely different person from yesterday prior,” Miyagi told me.
“Yeah, I don’t really look like a guy whose life is only worth 10,000 yen a year, huh?”
“Indeed. Almost as if you have the promise of a happy future.”
“Thanks. You look like a library fairy when you smile yourself.”
“…You’re rather chipper today, Mr. Kusunoki.”
“Seems so.”
“So what was that about a "library fairy”?“
"Just means a graceful and intelligent woman.”
“Please save that line for Ms. Himeno, will you?”
“But her virtues are a different beast. I’m talking about you, Miyagi.”
Her expression still intact, she lightly bowed her head. “Well, thanks. You and I are worth next to nothing as humans, at any rate. According to our reports.”
“Pretty strange,” I said.
We were in an Italian restaurant by the street, and naturally our conversation sounded like me talking to myself.
A middle-aged couple sitting nearby was sneaking glances at me and whispering with each other.
After our meal, we left the main street, went down some stairs on the side of a bridge, and walked along the river.
I was full of alcohol by then, so I held Miyagi’s hand all the while and swung it way back and forth as we walked. Miyagi looked concerned, and I continued to pull her along.
Others just saw me doing a weird walk, and I didn’t care. I could never be among honest people anyway.
So then I might as well resolve to make myself a weird guy. It’d be a lot easier.
Once Miyagi was getting used to holding my hand, she said with a clear face, “Now, drunk Kusunoki, try to think of me as Himeno and seduce me.”
I stopped and looked Miyagi right in the eye. “You appearing before me was the best thing that’s ever happened in my life. The worst was when you left my sight. …And depending on your reply now, I might have a new best or worst.”
“That was a pretty smooth delivery of such a roundabout pickup line. I’m impressed.”
“So how do you think Himeno would reply?”
“Ah, well, if it were Ms. Himeno,” Miyagi thought with her hand to her mouth. “…Perhaps she would say "What’s this nonsense of all a sudden?” and try to laugh it off.“
"Huh. What if it were Miyagi?”
“…I don’t catch your meaning.”
“Joking. Don’t worry about it,” I chuckled to myself.
“Are you really that kind of person, Mr. Kusunoki? The kind to joke.”
“Not sure myself. I don’t put much trust in words like "personality” or “disposition” or “character.” Those things all change depending on the situation. Looking at it in the long run, what changes people is what situations they get into. People put a lot of faith in consistency, but it’s something more superficial than most people think.“
"I wouldn’t have expected you of all people to say something like that.”
“Everyone likes to think they’re the exception when there’s a depressing statistic.”
Miyagi lightly sighed. “I suppose that is true,” she agreed.
When we got tired of walking, we hopped on a random bus. There were quite a few passengers, but I kept talking to Miyagi about my memories of Himeno regardless.
We changed buses and got off at a viewing platform, a famous date spot in the town. There were about ten couples holding each other and sneaking kisses, but I kept talking to Miyagi anyway.
Strangely, I didn’t feel too many eyes on me. Everyone was too busy with themselves.
“Himeno was there the first time I came here. The railing near the top of that spiral staircase is just the right height for a kid to want to get on top of. So Himeno tried to climb up, but I noticed a gap in the railing just as Himeno nearly fell all the way to the ground. If I hadn’t happened to be there to stop her, she just might have. She acts intellectual, but she can be a real goof too. It’s like, you just can’t leave her alone. I got a scratch in all the hurry reaching for her, but for that one day, she got unusually nice -”
Miyagi was giving me a concerned look as I was getting more talkative, as if brushing off her uneasiness.
She knew more than I did at that point. She had yet to tell me something crucial.
The viewing platform would have been an appropriate place to explain it, but she didn’t speak of it.
Maybe she thought she’d let me keep dreaming as long as I could.
The day came at last. It was a rainy afternoon, and the station was filled with people carrying umbrellas. Looking over the plaza from the second floor, umbrellas of all colors moved around as they pleased.
I waited in front of the bookstore until 5 PM, but ten minutes past 5, Himeno hadn’t showed up.
No hurry, I told myself. Everything’s congested because of the rain, and unlike me, she’s probably busy.
Even so, I was checking my watch three times every minute.
Twenty minutes passed that felt like an hour or two. Was I waiting in the wrong place? Was Himeno? She said in front of the bookstore, and this was the only bookstore here, so I didn’t see how.
After twenty-seven minutes, just as I was about to leave and look for Himeno, I saw her waving and walking toward me. I’d been starting to think her promise yesterday had just been a polite excuse for her to leave, so I was relieved beyond belief.
Even if Himeno hadn’t been someone I’d been waiting to see for a decade, I still would have said she radiated beauty that day.
Every curve that made her up seemed to be created with careful consideration. Nothing was too excessive; it was like every part of her knew its duty.
If I were someone who had no connection to her, I’d probably feel a pain in my chest with just one look. She’d leave a hole in my chest I was dying to fill.
“She’ll never be mine, will she. …So then isn’t my life pointless?”, I might even think.
So it was a lucky thing that I was the closest one to her out of all these people at the station. I was deeply happy about that.
“Bus was late because of the rain,” Himeno explained. “Sorry to make you wait. I’ll treat you to something.”
“No, allow me. I invited you this time, so forget about it for today.”
I realized that not only my appearance, but my voice had changed. It sounded about half an octave higher, and it had a surprisingly good sound to it, as if that were its inherent sound.
“Hmm. So you’re expecting a "next time”?“, she asked with an unconcerned yet scrutinizing look.
"Yeah. And next time, I’ll probably be expecting one after that.”
“Glad you’re being honest,” she giggled.
That’s definitely something Himeno would say, I whispered to myself. She hadn’t changed in ten years. She was still sarcastic, but still spoke with a hint of warmth.
We went through the tunnel, and when we reached the end and I opened my umbrella, Himeno swiftly snatched it from me and held it between us.
“You were always the one who forgot his umbrella, Kusunoki, so I reluctantly had to let you share mine.”
“That’s right,” I said, taking the umbrella back and holding it near Himeno. “So then wouldn’t it be good to reverse it from now on?”
“Aha.”
We walked together under one umbrella.
By the way, what were you doing there the other day?, Himeno asked.
Looking for you, Himeno, I replied.
Liar, Himeno said, shoving me in the shoulder.
It’s true, I said laughing.
I was thinking that things were going great.
I was telling Himeno my affection for her, and she was showing me her affection for me.
That’s what I believed, and I didn’t doubt it.
I didn’t really want to know what Himeno was thinking then, deep in her chest.
Now, how about we compare answers.
While I sat across from Himeno in the restaurant and talked with her, I made an unbelievable mistake.
To be exact, maybe it wasn’t really a mistake. If I were given countless chances to redo the scene, I would have made the same choice every time. There was no other choice.
On top of that, the reason why my choice was a “mistake” was not something that originated in that meeting, but something that had gradually taken form since much earlier.
Still. In time, I most definitely made a mistake.
But in any event, the results of that “mistake” came to save me.
And at the same time, I came to learn why Miyagi had tried to stop me from meeting Himeno.
After ordering, I smiled at Himeno, to show her my affection. She responded with the same.
Himeno took a sip of ice water from her glass and said, “I’d like to know what you’ve been up to all these years, Kusunoki.”
“I’d like to hear about you first,” I responded, but she insisted, “Let’s start with Kusunoki.”
I prefaced it with “Well, this isn’t going to be all that interesting,” then talked about my time in middle and high school. It really wasn’t of any interest.
How I gradually started slacking on my studies in the second year of middle school. How my perfect memory at ten years old rapidly worsened with each year.
How I went to the best high school in the area, but stopped studying in the middle, so I now went to a shockingly average college.
How I had to persuade my parents - who thought that there was no point in going to a college if it wasn’t famous - to pay to get me in, then had to pay for classes and expenditures myself.
And how I hadn’t touched a paintbrush since the winter when I was 17.
I was done in less than five minutes. There was hardly anything worth talking about in my life.
“Huh, so you gave up art. …That’s too bad. I liked your pictures, Kusunoki,” Himeno said. Big difference from this guy I know, I thought.
“You were drawing all the time. And you made such beautiful, breathtaking pictures like it was nothing. I was always jealous how I could never live up to that, you know.”
“You never told me anything like that then.”
“Because I was really antagonistic to you then. All my talents were in studying, so I didn’t want to admit your other talents. But… you probably never noticed, but sometimes I took your pictures home and stared at them, Kusunoki,” Himeno said, her eyes looking far away.
“Yeah, I was antagonistic too. We were about the same in academics, but the praise from adults always went to pretty Himeno. I thought it was unfair someone could be such a capable student and beautiful.”
“Nobody would’ve expected someone like her to drop out of high school,” Himeno casually let out.
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