Toradora! - Volume 6 - Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Ryuuji crouched with his bag on his lap in front of the school gate as he waited for Minori. She had been stopped by underclassmen from the softball club just as they were leaving the school. In front of Ryuuji’s eyes, girls who looked like first years parted to the left and right as they waved, “Bye bye!” “See you tomorrow!” 

Since he didn’t want to scare them for no reason, Ryuuji intentionally looked away. He wasn’t staring at them, he wasn’t looking like he had discovered prey, and he didn’t look like he was targeting them. Instead, he stared intently at his beautifully polished shoes.

Minori rushed out of the school gate under the twilight of the frost-colored sky.

“Sorry for making you wait! Off we go!”

“R-right.”

Her footsteps were light as she ran out of the school gates and swung her bag around. Ryuuji stood up and joined her side as though there were nothing to it. He knew that the smell of fresh peaches faintly wafting towards him as he drew near was from her hair. He knew that, and even though his heart was weighed down with worry over Kitamura’s unusual behavior, it still thumped hard and sincere just once. 

It was also because of his sincerity that Ryuuji could be alone together with Minori after school without acting like a fool. His legs didn’t so much as waver as he headed straight towards Kitamura’s house.

“It’s a bit of a walk, are you fine with that?”

“Yeah, I’m A-okay. So you know where his house is?”

“It’s past the bridge. It’s towards the high-speed railway in a neighborhood with a whole bunch of detached houses.”

“I see, it’s like its own little town. They live pretty close to me.”

Minori nodded to herself as she walked deliberately and restlessly onwards. She was going absurdly fast, and he was a little flustered as he jogged to catch up. He was still behind Minori and felt like she might leave him in the dust. Since he was following her, he decided to tell her what he had been waiting eagerly to say. He timidly reached out to her shoulder from behind.

“Wait a second! Hey…about lunch. Sorry. Sorry for not telling you about Kitamura.”

“Ueheh!”

The moment he touched her, it happened.

The strange shout seemed to have escaped from her throat at the same moment she unintentionally stumbled on an elevation change in the street. It wasn’t that she had tried to avoid Ryuuji’s hand and had jumped away. 

Minori stumbled for a moment, but she regained her balance on her own. Had she been Taiga, she would have fallen right down. But Minori wasn’t Taiga. Ryuuji was so surprised that he didn’t even offer her a hand. 

Hee hee hee. Minori laughed it off.

“Wow, that was a scare. That was close. Yeah, yeah, it’s fine. It’s not like there was anything else you could do. Yuri-sensei told you not to say anything, didn’t she?”

As Ryuuji nodded, she flashed him a peace sign.

“I’ve got nothing against that. It’s obvious you’re really worried about Kitamura-kun.”

It seemed she was broad-mindedly forgiving him about everything. She waited for Ryuuji and started walking again, but this time at a slower pace than before. They were now close enough to have a conversation.

“You could say that I’m not the type who can be flexible about things like that. I’m just not the type of person who can ignore something coming from a homeroom teacher and do whatever I feel like. I’ve never even turned in my homework late in my whole life.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. That’s who you are, Takasu-kun. You’re honest.”

“Well, someone else was even more honest than me and spilled the beans.”

“Aha ha ha, you mean Ahmin.”

Their faintly white, fog-like breath melted and disappeared into the chilling and darkening dusk. The same face had probably appeared in both their minds—You’re off to Yuusaku’s house? Whoa, the two of you alone together? Hmm, that seems suuuper fun. I’m so jealous of how close you are. It was Ami’s face as she finally went home, spewing poison. Her smile had looked more innocent than a fairy playing in an enchanted forest.

As he recalled it, his irritation returned. Ami’s behavior had grated on his nerves when she had done that—actually all the things she had done leading up to now that were related to Kitamura-kun grated on him.

“Seriously, what’s with her? Just a little while ago, she was all about pretending to be a leader and acting like she knew everything, like a real adult. This time around, she’s gotten rid of that goody-two-shoes fake personality and made her villainous debut.”

“What’s wrong with that? I like Ahmin all grown up, but I like Ahmin as a villain just as much.”

“And here we have another curiosity…”

Minori was Taiga’s friend, after all. Maybe Minori’s taste in women was just as manic. 

That was a stupid thought. He was the one who was in unrequited love with Minori and practically roommates with Taiga. From an outside perspective, his taste in women would have been equally strange.

When they reached the crossing where Minori would wait for Taiga and Ryuuji every morning, Ryuuji and Minori took a different direction for the first time ever, away from the Takasu house. The dead leaves on the Zelkova-lined sidewalk scattered in the blowing wind.

“Ahmin-san…”

He tried to steal a glance at Minori’s profile, but the cold wind that blew at that moment made him automatically close his eyes.

“…Must be super worried about Kitamura-kun. Just like us. She might even be more hurt than us.”

“Even though she was acting like that?!”

“That’s right. That’s what I think. Look, Ahmin has been working in the adult world. For a while now, at that.”

I guess, Ryuuji agreed, and as though she had been waiting for that, Minori continued. She was strangely calm, but her conviction was strong.

“Ahmin knows a lot more than us kids about the real world. Since they’ve been friends since childhood, she even knows things about Kitamura-kun that we don’t know. But no one else understands what she knows. She’s kind of being patient when everyone else around her is being childish. She’s not trying to pull the wool over our eyes. She’s even humoring us. What Ahmin is saying is logical to the point it’s scary, isn’t it? There aren’t many friends who would tell you the truth like that. Normal people would be afraid of having you hate them, or making things awkward, that they’d phrase everything so it sounded better, wouldn’t they?”

“Is that really a good thing? Don’t you think it’s just her bad personality?”

“No. Ahmin is a good person. She’s super good. That’s the only thing that’s for certain. Takasu-kun, you must know that, too.”

“Unfortunately, I don’t. Are you saying this even though you’ve seen how she really is? Are you still falling for the mask she’s got on even after all this time?”

“None of that stuff about a mask or what she’s really like is relevant. There is no fake Ahmin or real Ahmin. Ahmin is just Ahmin. I think Ahmin has her reasons, even when she says stuff that rubs people the wrong way like she did today.

“Actually,” she said, suddenly looking up at Ryuuji’s face.

Their eyes met, and Ryuuji knew the sincerity of Minori’s words.

“That’s what I hope it is. Sorry for saying this, but there’s a ton of stuff you don’t know either, right, Takasu-kun? Even though you want to be someone who knows, you aren’t. I want to think Ahmin really understands everything, even if she’s the only one. It’s kind of like, because of our immaturity, we can’t understand, but the fact that we can’t understand even though she wants us to is our saving grace… Ahh, I don’t know what I’m saying anymore!”

Minori suddenly averted her eyes. She held her tongue, turned around, and walked quickly in long strides. “Is Kitamura-kun’s house this way?” she muttered as she walked farther and farther away. Her ears were slightly red; it seemed her serious monologue had embarrassed her. Ryuuji’s heart was suddenly filled with passion—that was what he liked about her.

Her face, dyed vermillion from embarrassment, was cute. It wasn’t just that—he liked that she didn’t shy away from being earnest. It was these glances into how straightforward she was about life that made him fall in love with her over and over again.

Minori was kinder than anyone. She was sincere, and that made his blood run warm. She glowed with righteous power. She was like bright sunlight that could reach him even when he was in the pits of depression.

“Kushieda…how do I put this…you’re really kind.”

Though it wasn’t much, those words were the closest thing he could manage to being a shout from his very soul.

“Kind?!”

Her voice suddenly echoed. It was almost a shriek. Minori came to a jumping halt. She flipped around and looked up at Ryuuji. A passing pregnant woman who was coming back from shopping looked at Minori and Ryuuji with surprise as they faced each other in the middle of the street.

“No, that’s not true! I’m just so arrogant, I don’t know when to stop and—”

Minori’s face was neither happy nor angry as she wrung out a small whisper, “—It’s just…too hard…”

She didn’t give him time to ask what she really meant. She simply looked down. She even hunched forward.

“K-Kushieda?”

“…”

Minori stopped moving, as though she had frozen solid. Ryuuji hesitated over whether it was okay to touch her back. The palm of his hand loitered in the air, and the words that he should have said escaped him, drifting further and further away.

“Kushieda…hey, look. I said hey…”

Then there were several more seconds where he couldn’t do anything.

“No! Sorry! I’m passing on my turn! Nothing’s the matter, Joey Wheeler!”

When Minori finally raised her face, she was chuckling. Her laugh had a complexity to it, as though it contained both melancholy and embarrassment, but it was still a laugh.

“Well, really…lately there’s been a lot of…like, how should I put this…yeah. Sorry. There isn’t anything wrong. I’m completely fine! Sorry!”

“What’s going on with you?”

“Huh?”

He had hesitated over whether to say anything, but in the end he did.

“What’s with that complicated look on your face? I don’t get your reasoning… What are you sorry for? What are you saying that there’s been a lot of? Who’s Joey Wheeler?”

“Oh, sorr…wait, no, uhh…yeah…you’re right.”

“I don’t think our ‘saving grace’ really amounts to much. But…I want to understand you completely. It’s not like Kawashima has to be the one to understand you. Couldn’t it be me? Am I that useless? Am I not good enough? I’m immature just like you said, but…I want to understand. I even want to understand all this stuff.”

It was like he was trying to edge up to her.

It was like little by little, without her noticing, he was crawling along, trying to get closer to her.

Ryuuji quietly tried to close the distance. He meant what he said. He wanted her to reply with something. He didn’t want her to notice, but he wanted her to notice. In the moments he waited for her response, his lips grew dry, and he bit them as he endured. He didn’t want her to notice that his fingertips were going cold, so he stuck them deep into his pockets.

“I’m scared…”

That was all she said.

She pretended to rub her eyes to hide her face. He could only see the smile on her lips.

“Takasu-kun, you must think I’m so much better than I really am. But you’ll understand everything someday. If you understand me entirely, then I’m sure that—”

“We don’t have much time, do we?!”

Minori lifted her lowered face in surprise at Ryuuji’s sudden shout.

“Wasn’t that what Kawashima said? That’s true, too. Everything has a time limit. Our time will be up when we change classes or graduate or get to the end of our life spans. If we don’t do anything about it, we’ll end up cutting our time short at the point when ‘Takasu-kun didn’t understand because he was immature.’ Is that the point where you want to part ways? I’m not planning to always be immature. And it’s not like I think you’re a saint who doesn’t even go to the restroom, so lighten up.”

Lighten up because I like you, he added only to himself. No matter which Minori appeared before him, even if she were different from what he thought she was like, he would love her for all eternity. Though he couldn’t get into the frame of mind to tell her that. He had at least said the thing that he wanted to say and everything that he needed to say. 

…Wait a second.

Had he revealed too much? After saying all of that, Ryuuji was suddenly assaulted by the winds of cowardice. It was too late for regrets, but maybe he had been too rash. I said that, he thought. What do I do? He stood stock-still.

“Shimmer shimmer shimmer shimmer…”

“What…”

In the face of Minori’s glittering eccentricity, everything, from his regret to his delicate boyish heart, was transient and scattered to the winds.

Her hands were outstretched, and her face was overcome with the serenity of meditation, like a Buddha. Her eyes, half-closed, gazed as though she were admiring and caressing the people of three thousand realms. Minori had reached enlightenment in the middle of a street. The radiant and blinding aura that came from her entire body was made substantive as she vocalized it with her mouth, “Shimmer shimmer.” She balanced beautifully on the tips of her toes with a wide, triangular stance.

“You know what your words made me feel like just now, Takasu-kun? I’m about to ascend. Shimmer shimmer… I’m happy. That’s what I think, for real. If you know that’s what I think, that’s enough. And I think that I’ll just wait like this until someday, the day that you understand everything comes. …Shimmer shimmer shimmer…”

He was drawn right into Minori’s glittering world, but suddenly he stopped in his tracks. In the end, she was basically saying that she still couldn’t explain what was going on in her heart. But she was also saying that she might eventually be able to lend her heart to Ryuuji. That was what Minori wanted to tell him, behind her veil of eccentricity. 

Maybe he was just interpreting it in the way that suited him. But at the same time, radiant as she was, it was Minori’s fault for saying things in a way that could be interpreted like that.

What a great thing to look forward to. Ryuuji smiled in spite of himself.

“I’m okay with that for now. I said everything that I wanted to say. Actually, it’s like…someday, I want to actually know you. That’s enough for me, too.”

He said it quickly. Before his eyes, Minori’s face melted. She looked like a baby on the verge of crying or throwing a tantrum.

“…”

She still wasn’t saying anything, but her grimace simply turned into a full-out smile. The smile she turned on Ryuuji seemed genuinely happy and tender. Her lips quivered as though she had more to say, but Minori stopped. As though she were unable to say any more, she put her fist to her lips.

The words that should have come overflowing from her throat didn’t reach Ryuuji in the end. But he didn’t think that there was anything missing. This was fine for now. This way, Ryuuji could smile back at her.

Minori’s eyes, which had narrowed from her smile, quivered for just a moment as though they had found something flying in the air above Ryuuji’s head.

They were conscious of the delicate distance that was between them and felt like they were almost walking on air, but at the same time, whatever they did was visible from heaven. Eventually, they arrived at a neighborhood filled with large, old residences next to newly-built small houses. Once they reached the front of an old, but not very big, gray house with very little foliage, Ryuuji and Minori looked at each other awkwardly with dumbstruck faces. “Huh?”

When they pressed the doorbell under the doorplate that said ‘Kitamura’, no one came out. A brightly polished bike that should have been Kitamura’s older brother’s was in front of the house, and the rain shutters on the second floor were open. An electric bike with an insurance company sticker that Kitamura’s mother seemed to have borrowed from work had been left out. However, no matter how many times they pressed the doorbell, there was no sign of a response. 

“I wonder if they’re out? Hmm.”

Minori muttered and tried calling Kitamura on her cell phone. “No answer,” she said. She flipped her phone shut in the middle of the voicemail recording. Ryuuji’s chest suddenly froze over. As though chiding him for forgetting his friend in his glee, the wind slipped into his jacket and caressed his chest like cold hands. Taiga had borrowed his scarf that day, too.

***

“I’m home. Don’t leave the lock open. A lot of weird things have been happening lately. A pervert won’t care if you’ve got a kid in high school. Ahh, these bags are heavy. The cabbage was so cheap.”

He stepped in from the dark entryway. The time he spent preparing dinner was family time for him and Yasuko, without Taiga. It was quiet, and the only sound came from the television. 

Ryuuji was normally inattentive and a little talkative around this time. Still in his school uniform, he headed straight to the kitchen while still talking. He put down the cabbage that filled his ecobag (of his own making. He had simply sewn together fabric scraps he had bought at the flea market for fifty yen, but the bag was still pretty sturdy and could hold a lot. When he brought it to school once, it had started the girls from the craft club talking. He had ended up showing about fifteen of them how to make one after school one day. The Japanese pattern was nice, too!). He skillfully put the perishables away in the fridge. The two whole cabbages he had bought weighed down his hands again when he grabbed them.

“Yeah, I can’t believe I got real Gunma prefecture cabbages at this price. Sometimes even our local supermarket comes through. If you ask me why I went to the trouble, it’s because today was a mess. It was because Kitamura—yeah, that Kitamura—is rebelling. Can you believe it? He just suddenly comes in with his hair dyed blond. If you’re asking me whether it works for him, it definitely doesn’t! He looks super weird! But, look, that definitely has to be a sign or something. Anyway, I was worried, so I went all the way to his house and was going to talk to him, but he ended up not even being there. I’m beat. Seriously, that guy, he’s got everyone worried… I got all riled up and went on a shopping spree buying these cabbages… Ah, hey. When you use a cup, you’ve got to at least rinse it out. With all that sugary stuff you drink, it gets all sticky. Those hybrid fruit flies that don’t die in the cold are all stuck to it. This isn’t a flytrap. But I wonder where these flies come from. We’re pretty good about throwing out the trash in the house, so they shouldn’t have time to breed… Maybe they’re coming from the landlady’s? Well, she lives by herself and is getting on in years, but that old lady’s thorough, so I don’t think that she’s up to anything weird, but still these flies—”

“Flies can invade through the sewage lines. Well, you probably know that better than I do…”

“…”

Splash. The sponge grasped in Ryuuji’s hand, which he had been using to wash the glass, fell into the sink. The wasted soap melted into the water and disappeared into weak lather.

The person sitting in front of the table in the living room where the TV was on should have been Yasuko. Why is it that, out of all people, he thought, you’re here? 

He had lost his voice out of surprise. His heart raced, and he felt like every hair in every pore of his whole body was standing on end. There was just one corner of his mind that was strangely composed; it realized he wouldn’t even be able to yell if he actually ever were burglarized. He couldn’t even say anything to the person whom he had just been trying to find, much less a real burglar.

“I ran away from home. Sorry for being a burden.”

Ryuuji somehow raised his suds-covered hand. He could at least manage that. It was the only reaction he could accomplish and only when he focused all his willpower into it, at that.

The person in the living room was sitting with his legs folded under himself at the table. Just as he had that morning, he still had his dirty uniform on. The blond boy looking up at Ryuuji, who was standing in the kitchen, also raised his hand to match. 

Don’t you say, “Yo.” Ryuuji thought. Say where were you, or why didn’t you call us back, or everyone was worried, or what got into you, or—the overabundance of things he wanted to say were caught in a traffic jam inside his throat. It was at that moment that another voice came into the conversation.

“I’m home. ★ Oh, Ryuu-chan’s shoes are here. In which case…uwah, Ryuu-chan, welcome home~! Hey, hey, did you know I have news?! Kitamura-kun is at our house~! Right, he’s here, isn’t he? That’s why I went to Family Mart to buy him underwear. ★ And I ripped my last pair of stockings, so I went to get those, too! Huh? What’s wrong? You don’t seem too happy.”

She had unnaturally thin eyebrows, a childish, makeup-free face, and shabby striped pants from Uniqlo that also served as pajamas. She had appeared barefoot, wearing the top of Ryuuji’s tracksuit from his junior high days. Yasuko was laughing giddily. Then, as carefree as ever, she handed over the plastic bag that held Kitamura’s underwear. Kitamura, being Kitamura, was going on and on as he happily received the underwear, Thank you! Oh, these are great boxers! Ryuuji didn’t think this was the time for any of this. He had a mountain of things to say, and what had Kitamura said? What had that been about running away from home?

Running away…from home?!

Kitamura had run away from his home into Ryuuji’s!

And at dinnertime!

But he only had three portions of tonkatsu fried pork ready!

What was he going to do?!

He was in shocked silence. His mother seemed in a strangely good mood. She was fawning over her still flabbergasted son’s shoulder.

“You know, I promised to go eat yakiniku with Shizuyo-chan (Bishamon Heaven’s number two) before going to work. So I don’t need dinner today.”

“Y-you’re going to…yakiniku. Oh, in that case, we’re safe on tonkatsu… Actually, don’t people normally go to things like that after work? Shouldn’t you be going in the morning?”

“Nah, by the time I finish work, I’m out of it to the point that understanding Japanese is beyond me. And we kind of want to talk about how the boyfriend Shizuyo-chan was going to marry, who was supposed to be a thirty-year-old company president, turned out to be a seventeen-year-old job-hopper. I know, shocking, right? She was really down because their relationship might’ve been illegal, so I’m going to hear her out while I’m sober.”

“Is that something you can actually help her with by just talking with her?”

“I dunno. But it’s yakiniku. ★ First-class mouthwatering roast. ★ Fried fat. ★ It’s gonna be rejuvenating. ★”

So you just want a meal out of it, thought Ryuuji. Yasuko went into her own room, possibly to go change. Ryuuji, for the time being, gave Kitamura a floor cushion since his friend was still sitting on the tatami mat with his legs folded under him. 

Anyway, I guess I should put on some tea, he thought. Right then, a pale hand motioned for him past the sliding door. When he approached, Yasuko pulled her son into her room, closed the door, and spoke in a hushed voice.

“This is a secret, but I spoke with Kitamura-kun’s family already. Tomorrow is Saturday anyway. School’s not in, and I don’t have work, so I told him we’d take care of him here.”

“So he’s not really running away from home so much as—” 

“That’s right. He’s just spending the night. Actually, I had this…”

Yasuko rummaged around a chest that was scattered with makeup supplies and pulled a piece of paper from it. It was signed with neat handwriting. Strangely, it looked like an oath, and an authentic one at that.

We pledge that should either son from the Kitamura or Takasu families run away from home, that we will promptly inform the other of his whereabouts. 

Signed, Kitamura Keiko. Signed, Takasu Yasuko. 

“Oh ho… When did you make this?”

“Last year. We got Kitamura-kun’s mom her insurance, right? After that, we kind of got caught up in the mood, and the two of us made this pact. So, Ryuu-chan, if you ever plan on running away, you’ll be told on right away if you go to Kitamura-kun’s house. Be careful now.”

“How’s that trap going to work now that you’ve told me?”

“Ohh? What? Oh~! Right! No way, forget this ever happened!”

Leaving behind his mother, whose face had turned peach-colored as she wriggled and writhed around in her tracksuit, Ryuuji closed the sliding door. Despite himself, he looked around the immaculate room as though looking for the springs and screws that might have dropped from Yasuko’s head.

Maybe Kitamura thought that those sharp eyes were thinking over something or that the consultation between the mother and son had gone in some other direction.

“Takasu, um…sorry for coming here so suddenly without even letting you know in advance.”

Kitamura bowed apologetically, scratching his blond head. Ryuuji swung his head side to side sincerely and waved his hand.

“No, I don’t know what happened, but I was worried. I’m actually glad that you came to my house, even though it was a surprise.”

“Yasuko-san said to come in, so I took advantage…”

“Oh, that’s fine. You can take your time running away from home. Actually, let’s go hang out somewhere tomorrow. You must have a ton you want to talk about, right?”

“…”

The blond boy was silent for an awkward amount of time. It happened at that moment.

“I’m huuuuuuuuuungry! What’s today’s main course?!”

KABLAM! The door of the ramshackle house swung open. Today, too, she had come in making a grand entrance, brazenly opening the door as though she were trying to destroy the rental. She came in with her duplicate key just as usual and right on time, according to her alarm clock of a stomach. Ryuuji was no longer surprised by her shameless entrances, but Kitamura’s eyes went wide with surprise. 

This is going to be such a mess, Ryuuji thought, stealthily holding his breath as the haughty footsteps steadily approached. He wasn’t worried about Kitamura this time. Once she saw this scene, she might die. He’d be the one saddled with holding a wake at his house for her funeral.

“Hey, what kind of meat is it?! What kind of fish?! Tell me! What’s for today…”

“Oh, Aisaka?! Well, what a coincidence! What’s wrong? Are you running away from home, too?!”

She stood there imposingly.

She was bundled in a frilly, red-checked dress and a knit cardigan with a hood. The color of her face impressively went from white to blue, then to red and once again to blue, and finally to the overripe red-black of a tomato.

“…¿QUÉ?…!”

She had turned into a foreigner.

Taiga wailed something in an unknown language. Her whole body faltered as she spiraled out of control. Then she fell right over.

“Huh?! Aisaka?! Hey, Takasu, there’s something wrong with Aisaka!”

Taiga already looked like she was in trouble before Kitamura even pointed it out. In a fluster, Ryuuji approached her and tried to help her up.

“T-Taiga…hold it together! Live! Kitamura ran away from home! He’s staying over here tonight!”

He patted her cheek. Taiga was just barely holding on. Her eyelashes fluttered as she opened her eyes. She started to crawl away. Without saying a word, she put a hand on the wall, trembled as she stood up, and zombie-walked to the front door. He heard the door shut with a clack. 

Then, after five seconds, the seldom-used doorbell of the Takasu house went off. Gulp. Ryuuji swallowed and headed to the front door. It was useless. This wasn’t fooling anybody. She couldn’t pull the blinds on Kitamura. Even though he knew it was definitely futile, he still opened the door.

“Th-th-th-th-th-th-th—”

Taiga put a too-suspicious, mask-like smile on her face and stuttered.

“Th-thank you for inviting me today!”

“You…you’re welcome.”

Ryuuji guided her in; she put up a shaking hand as she saw Kitamura. 

“Oooooh my!” she said. “Wh-wh-wh-wh-what a coincidence, K-K-K-K-Kitamura-kun.”

“Yo, Aisaka! Nice seeing you again!”

She could never fool him by doing something like this, but Kitamura, who was overly broad-minded, or maybe just too easygoing, turned a grin to Taiga. Even though he was bright blond. Even though he had run away from home. Even though he had been treated to underwear.

Yasuko headed out to yakiniku and work, leaving the three kids behind. Ryuuji kept a sixteen-beat tempo as he chopped cabbage; the sound echoed through the kitchen. Quietly turning back, he snooped on the others and their faltering conversation in the living room.

“Come to think of it, you said you lived in the condo next door before. I didn’t know you lived by yourself.”

“Y-yeah. Ya-chan told me I could come over for dinner every day, so I’ve been taking advantage…”

“I see. It’s good for you that the Takasus live next door.”

“Y-yeah. Ahhh uh…”

“Oh, Inko-chan likes you quite a bit, too, Aisaka, licking your finger like that. Oh ho…what a daring tongue…”

Actually, it was only Taiga who was faltering. Kitamura was going to the pace of his own drum like normal. He watched happily as Taiga supplied Inko-chan with a piece of cabbage. They were both in oddly relaxed (though only in appearance) positions, lying on their bellies on the tatami with floor cushions folded up, holding them in the same way. They waved their legs lazily, holding their cheeks in their hands. The birdcage sat between them.

“But tatami is really nice. At my house, my grampa was tricked by a dealer a few years ago into remodeling all the Japanese rooms with really cheap-looking linoleum floors. I don’t have a room where I can lay around like this.”

“M-my house is all western style, too… Tatami really is nice…”

“Japanese-style rooms really bring you down to earth. It’s pretty sloppy, but I want to roll around like this at home, too.”

“We have the same opinion, don’t we…ehee hee.”

Though they were both Western-style rooms, Kitamura’s place and Taiga’s grand condo were probably pretty different in actuality. They were nodding along, so he didn’t correct them. Ryuuji faintly grinned at one corner of his mouth as he went back to shredding the cabbage. The knife went at a rhythm too elegant for the speed he was going at. Of course, he didn’t talk to the two on purpose. It was cute that Taiga was acting like a housebroken cat, and though Kitamura was blond, it seemed he was relaxed. It all looked like it was going well from the sidelines.

Maybe, if it went well—Ryuuji stabbed the blade into the cabbage’s core as his evil eyes burned with psychotic blue fire. It wasn’t that he was swearing to the god of death that he would chase the two to the final circles of hell and tear them into pieces even if they reincarnated—call it a lucky break, but coming to this point, Kitamura’s abnormal behavior seemed to be working out okay. Ryuuji’s worry hadn’t disappeared, but seeing him like this, Kitamura seemed in pretty good spirits. Something bad might have happened at the student council, but after running away from home for a day and putting up a little rebellion, that might be the end of it.

“Inko-chan’s slobbering everywhere trying to eat that cabbage. That’s nice, having a pet. They’re so cute.”

“Th-they’re cute…yeah. They are cute…maybe just a little…”

A happy laugh came from behind him. He would be grateful if there were more and more events that brought Kitamura and Taiga, and him and Minori closer. Ryuuji hummed unconsciously as he wrapped the core, which he had easily sliced through. Mottainai ♪. Mottainai ♪. Of course, he put the precious core in the fridge. The next day he would slice it up and use it for soup with some bacon. It would be a good soup base.

“Fwa ha ha!”

“Whoa! What are you doing? Go and keep Kitamura company over there.”

Taiga had come to cling to him like a child that had run from her family in embarrassment. Just when they were alone, and she could spend time with Kitamura, she was rolling up her sleeves. She looked giddy from her good mood.

“I’m going to help with something! Right, I’m good at washing, so that’s what I’ll do! What should I wash?!”

“You’re…good…at it?”

“Yeah! I am!”

It seemed her ulterior motive was to show Kitamura her good side. But Ryuuji wasn’t the type of sloppy guy who could let used cooking utensils pile up in the washing bucket. As he finished using them, he would also quickly wash them, wipe them down, and put them away. The only things he hadn’t done that for were things that he planned on using again soon.

Ryuuji wanted to question her claim that she was good at washing, but he grasped Taiga’s feelings. He whispered to her.

“Anyway, you want to impress him, right?”

“Yeah!”

She nodded with him and checked on Kitamura by stealthily turning back. Kitamura was lying on his side and watching Inko-chan, who was shaking all over from taking on the dregs of the cabbage. Good, Ryuuji thought. He made his voice carry.

“Okay, I’ll have Taiga help today, too! Make those really good fried eggs again!”

It wouldn’t be unusual to have eggs with tonkatsu, and moreover, he had already made the miso soup, and the only things he could think of that were easy enough for Taiga to make were fried eggs or boiled spinach, and he didn’t have spinach stocked. Taiga nodded and grandly announced, “I got it! I’m good at making eggs, right?! I’ll make them!”

“Oh, so you’re good at making fried eggs, Aisaka?” said Kitamura. “True skill becomes obvious with the simple things. And here I thought you were no good with household chores. That sure was rude of me! I’m looking forward to this!”

He turned a grin to her. 

“Ho ho, just you wait!” she answered, her tone honeymooner-sweet. 

This is good, Ryuuji thought. He had a sinister smile on his face, just like a wraith’s. He took three eggs from the refrigerator and handed them to Taiga. Oh, that’s not true, Taiga was saying to Kitamura as she wriggled out of embarrassment. Her cheeks reddened as she took the eggs. She said in a voice so small that only Ryuuji could hear: 

“And now what?”

“Hm?”

“I said, and now what? What am I supposed to do with these to make fried eggs?”

That was a surprise! He dropped the knife, which was covered in cabbage bits that had been cut needle-thin. He had thought even Taiga would be able to make eggs, but Ryuuji seemed to have underestimated her ineptitude.

“Sorry!”

“You can apologize for having Kitamura-kun at your house in the first place. Actually, why are you apologizing? Just tell me already. What am I supposed to do with these? Oh, and make sure Kitamura-kun doesn’t realize that you’re teaching me.”

Gulp. Ryuuji swallowed his breath. He would have to secretly teach this clumsy, idiotic tiger how to make eggs as he fried the tonkatsu. It came to him that this might end up being mission impossible, but he couldn’t retreat now that they had gotten to this point.

“Oh well…the fry pan. Take out the fry pan. You know what that is, right, the flat one?”

“I know that much.”

He put the cabbage into a strainer and put it to the side. He spread three roast pork pieces on the cutting board. He put the edge of the knife in the border between the fat and red meat, then started cutting.

“Break the eggs. You can use that bowl. D-do you know how to break them?”

“More or less. Do I put them all in the same bowl?”

“You can for this.”

He arranged the pork loin he had cut in a row and put a small amount of salt and pepper on them. Then, he scattered flour on them.

“Eek… I already made a mistake breaking the first one…”

He quickly took the bowl holding the broken yolk from beside him and took another egg out of the refrigerator.

“I’ll use this one for the tonkatsu. This is the last egg. If you mess this one up, then we don’t have any more.”

“Oh!”

Leaving fate to heaven, he beat the egg. He pulled out another vat and spread a large heaping of breadcrumbs into it that he had made from cutting apart leftover bread. When he checked from the side of his eye, Taiga had finished her mission of cracking the eggs and hadn’t broken the yolks of any of them. The eggs were floating in the bowl.

“Haah…haah…”

Beads of sweat were already forming on Taiga’s face, and they had only just begun. He covered the pork in egg and moved them to the vat of breadcrumbs.

“Turn on the stove and spread oil on the fry pan. Use that salad oil over there. Enough to cover the whole thing.”

“Haah…haah…”

“Don’t get too excited—calm down. That’s too strong! Turn it down, turn it down! Ahh, I was keeping such good care of that pan, too!”

“H-how?! Oh, like this?!”

She turned the knob to the right towards turning the flame up. Of course, the stove’s flame flared.

“The opposite way, you idiot! The opposite! Go the opposite way!”

“O-oh, the oil—the oil—” 

“Nevermind the oil, turn it the other way! The oil doesn’t matter!”

“Uwehh, but I already put in the oil!”

“Then it’s fine! Anyway, the flame! No! That’s the dial for a different one!”

“U-uuuuuw?! Wha?!”

“That’s right! That’s the right one! Spread the oil around! Spread it! Ahhhhh, don’t use wet chopsticks!”

“Wah, hot hot hot! What’s going on with this?!”

She had probably tried to mix the hot oil with the wet chopsticks that had been used to pick up the shredded cabbage. Of course, the liquid splattered out and Taiga jumped away in surprise. “YA IDIOT! Don’t leave the flame!” Ryuuji’s voice turned into that of a demonic teacher.

“You rotate the fry pan to get the oil to spread! Do it!”

“Eek! It’s hot, hooot! The oil’s still flying up everywhere!”

“That’s your own fault! Here, put in the eggs! Do it gently, gently!”

“Gyaah! It splattered again! Damn it, I’m gonna diiiiieee!”

“You won’t die! You lowered the flame, right?! Then get the lid, the lid! Then get a little bit of water ready! Put it in a cup and keep it ready in one hand!”

“A-a lid?! What lid?! Water?! Huh?! U-uhh, um uhhhhhhh th-the flame?! The flame… Whaaat?! W-water?! Wh-what do I do with the flame?!”

“The fry pan lid—what other lid would we use?! Whoooooaaaa! What did you do to the flaaaame?!”

“Uwaah! What is this?!”

Fwoosh! The flame of the stove flared again. The synapses in Taiga’s brain connected as her instincts when getting attacked by fire took charge. Fire = danger = turn it off = water, with that association game chain ♪, she gave forth the answer.

“I’ve got it! This is what the water is for!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo!”

In front of Ryuuji’s eyes as he yelled, the water that they only needed a little of in order to bake the eggs at the end went pouring over brim of the cup. It headed toward the fry pan where the egg was bubbling away from too much oil and too much heat.

“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”

“Whooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

SPLAAAAASH! It hit. The rising yellow smoke and liquid made an awful bursting sound. It seemed Taiga had put an ample amount of oil in the fry pan, enough to make a pillar of hellish flame made from oil and water.

Fwuooooooooooooaaaaaasssh!

The lid!

Ryuuji threw the chopsticks and the pork into the egg mixture and took the fry pan lid. As though to smother and crush the pillar of fire, he covered it. A spray of heat and an awful noise came at him from inside the iron lid, but he still didn’t let the lid leave his hands and turned off the stove. He waited several dozen seconds for the oxygen to burn off.

Several dozen seconds later, Kitamura spoke.

“H-hey. Takasu, Aisaka, are you okay?”

“…”

“…”

The kitchen returned to silence.

By the time Ryuuji noticed, Kitamura had come to stand behind them, looking worried. Ryuuji and Taiga were out of it as they stood silent and stock-still. They looked at each other.

“Whooooooooaaaa~!”

“Whooooooooaaaa~!”

They took each other’s hands and collapsed right to their knees onto the floor. Kitamura nodded several times as he also went to his knees and put a gentle but worried hand on each of their shoulders.

“Aisaka, you are great at making eggs! Yeah, that was amazing! It was like an illusion! The flame went up like fwoosh. It almost got to the ceiling… It was really amazing! You’re good at it! Amazing, amazing!”

“Haaaah haaaah!”

“Whoaaaaa!”

The panic and fear in Taiga’s scream and Ryuuji’s rare tears echoed through the Takasu house for a good five minutes. Regardless, the landlady couldn’t complain. The two of them had stopped the whole rental from burning down in a crisis…which they had caused.

There was takitate rice with seaweed and tofu miso soup, crunchy and juicy tonkatsu fried pork, a heaping pile of shredded cabbage, pickled radish from a deli he had taken a liking to lately, and…

“No! I feel a strong malicious aura coming from this!”

“What are you saying? You’re the one who made them.”

Accompanying them at the low table were the eggs, which gave off a smell of charcoal that would have made even the mother hen that laid them go mad. They were crispy and brown all over. The yolks were somehow simultaneously reduced to a fine powder and burnt on top. 

Kitamura was sitting across from them. It was already impossible to fix it. Taiga puffed out her cheeks and pulled the plate towards her.

“Okay, okay, fine. I’ll eat all of it, then you can’t complain, right? Now, put all the ketchup you can on it! Do it!”

“Don’t push yourself. You’ll get cancer if you eat this burned-to-a-crisp thing. Just eat the edible parts and throw out the rest. It’s such a waste, but if you get sick, that’ll be even worse in other ways. Kitamura, don’t worry about this and just eat the tonkatsu I fried. I’m digging in.”

Thanks for the food, they said, following Ryuuji’s lead. Taiga said it gloomily as Kitamura gave an invigorating cheer. Then the three of them took up their chopsticks. 

“What! Wait!”

“Wh-Whoa?!”

“You put your heart into making these for me, didn’t you, Aisaka? Thanks. You went to all that trouble, so I’m going to eat all of this. Even if you’re good at making something, sometimes it still ends up getting burnt.”

In front of the wide eyes of the two arsonists, Kitamura swiftly took the carbonized stuff on the plate. Though he (more or less) knew what happened, Kitamura still picked up the crispy eggs with his chopsticks and took a bite. He had a wry smile on.

“K-Kitamura-kun…you don’t have to! You can’t have more than that, you’ll get sick! I actually haven’t ever cooked anything before! Sorry for lying about being good at making them!”

“Aha ha! Now that I’ve tried them, they actually taste like eggs! They’re well done! Aha ha!”

He continued stuffing the burned eggs, which couldn’t have tasted good, right into his mouth. Kitamura smiled as though he were having the time of his life.

“R-Ryuuji, oh no…Kitamura’s broken…”

“Keep it together, Kitamura! I’ll get medicine for you right now!”

“No, no, no, I’m fine! I think I’m really lucky, actually. If you weren’t good at making them, they wouldn’t have been anything to scoff at. I’m super lucky for being able to eat a rare Aisaka-made meal.”

How cute.

Ryuuji, of course, wasn’t thinking about the blond boy’s carefree smile.

“Ehee…”

Taiga looked away, turning so pink even her earlobes spoke to her internal body temperature. Her eyes had narrowed into slits.

“R-really? Is it really, actually edible? Is it…”

“Yeah, it’s completely edible. You got the seasoning on the salt and pepper perfect, too.”

“Well, Ryuuji put in the salt and pepper…but but but…ehee hee…I see. I feel a little more confident. Next time maybe I’ll actually try to make it…for real. I thought I’d never be able to cook, but maybe I’ll seriously try to learn. Yeah, that’s right. I don’t want to be undependable forever…”

“If Takasu is your teacher, there’s no doubt you’ll do it. I’ll guarantee it.”

“Ehee hee hee hee hee…”

Ryuuji slurped his miso soup, watched the sort-of-happy duo, and avoided adding an unnecessary voice to the conversation. He suddenly felt nostalgic, recalling the intensely salty cookies Taiga had once made in home economics class and messed up trying to give them to Kitamura. In the end, the messed-up cookies had ended up in Ryuuji’s stomach. Actually, come to think of it, it had been the love letter destined for Kitamura that Taiga had accidentally given to Ryuuji that had started this strange living situation. The whole affair was ridiculous; Taiga even forgot to put the letter into the envelope.

Right, Ryuuji thought as he saw Taiga’s simpering smile, which was filled to the max with embarrassment. The thing that Taiga had wanted to give Kitamura had finally reached him. The messed-up eggs had reached the place they were meant to be from the start—Kitamura’s stomach.

“You made them to cheer me up because you were worried that I ran away, right? Really, thank you. You did cheer me up!”

He felt like the emotions in the room were going in a healthy but still slightly odd direction. Taiga’s smile, nonetheless, seemed to become even happier, and Kitamura finished the burnt eggs. He grinned and looked at Taiga. The two of them were in a good-enough-for-now state. If they were content for the time being in the same way that he was with Minori, then it was all fine.

He thought that he had been right earlier. Kitamura’s weird behavior was moving in a good direction. And, right, there’s also that—if he only knew why Kitamura had gone blond, it was possible he would be able to settle everything.

“Eat the tonkatsu, too. It’s the tonkatsu that has my love for you in it.”

“Oh, of course! But I need sauce! Where’s the lemon for the cabbage?”

“We’re the type who don’t put lemon on it.”

“Okay! When in Rome!”

Kitamura swiftly put the sauce on the fried tonkatsu and started with the edge where the flavorful fat was. “Hot, hot, hot, owaah! This is good!” Kitamura yelled in delight. Taiga was a little more elegant than usual but had already started stuffing herself with food. Seeing the current mood, Ryuuji asked a casual question.

“Make sure you have the miso soup, too. It’s good for you. Anyway, Kitamura, what’s with that hair?”

“Well…” Kitamura cut himself off to sip the miso soup. “I didn’t want to become the student council president.”

He said it swiftly. That was all he said, as though it were nothing.

“I-I see…”

“That’s all. If I have hair like this, no one’s going to expect that from me, right? Of course, my parents were livid when they saw it.”

Kitamura opened his mouth wide for another bite of the tonkatsu and said over and over, Hot hot, it’s good, it’s good! Ryuuji swallowed a little at the sight.

Really?

Did Kitamura really run from the classroom and turn into his imagined model of a “rebel” when the election was mentioned because he didn’t want to be president? Was that really the reason why he had fought with his parents and run away from home?

“Ehee hee! Isn’t that fine?! I think it’s fine if he doesn’t become student president if he doesn’t want to! It’s not like he has to be part of the student council, anyway! Dimhuahua was saying something like that, too!”

Though he wanted to question Kitamura, and felt strangely uneasy, he had to give in when faced with Taiga’s bright, oily smile and improving mood. It might just have been his imagination, but for some reason, the tonkatsu tasted strangely coarse to him.

***

“Ueeeeeeehhhhhhh…nnnnnnnnnnnnggggggghhhhh…I’m home…aaaaaaguh.”

Ryuuji was awakened by the sound of the front door opening.

According to the clock, it was half past three in the morning. Yasuko had come home. The sound of her throwing off her high heels echoed in the entrance, and he heard her footsteps as she stumbled to her room on her own. He thought she might be fine if he left her alone. He tried burrowing once more into his blankets.

“Unyaaaaaaah…”

“Gweh!”

That was the shriek of a woman who was not Yasuko. Ryuuji jumped awake.

He got out of bed in his bare feet and navigated the room’s corners around Kitamura, who was sound asleep on the floor where they had put out a futon. He headed to Yasuko’s room. When he turned on the light, he found the situation was exactly as he had imagined it.

“Fmaah…fmaah…hic…naagh.”

“I-It hurts! She smells like alcohol~!”

Uwah… Ryuuji rubbed his recently awakened eyes and scratched at his head.

Before going out, Yasuko had said this to Taiga: “We’re having friends stay over for once, so you can stay over tonight too, Taiga. ★ You can even put a futon out in my room and sleep there.” So, taking her at her word, Taiga had put out a visitor’s futon next to Yasuko’s and stayed the night.

“Don’t just watch, hurry up and help me! Uwww, the smell is making me drunk, too…”

“O-okay!”

Yasuko, drunk and reeling, had completely ignored her own laid out futon and apparently decided to dive into the futon where Taiga was sleeping. Taiga was wearing an oversized parka and sweats she had borrowed from Ryuuji. Yasuko’s bar-breath was dense enough to stupefy anyone through smell alone. She was laid out right on Taiga and the futon. She held Taiga’s small head and put her cheek against it, mumbling “Nfuu…” Taiga writhed from both the heat of the futon and the alcohol breath.

Ryuuji somehow pulled off the arms that encircled Taiga with a drunkard’s brute strength. Then he pulled Yasuko’s bottom half off Taiga. Taiga somehow crawled out from the futon and from below Yasuko’s completely exposed lace underwear and white butt. Yasuko sloppily stretched out her scantily-clad body.

“Aaater…Ryuu-nyan…I wanna waaaer…cwoold…”

Scritch scratch. Her long nails scratched at the valley of her soft, overflowing chest. Ryuuji, who wasn’t the type of son to ogle his own mother doing something like that, was flabbergasted. 

“Seriously! How careless can you be…”

Ryuuji yawned widely. Taiga, whose braided, sleeping hair was in messy disarray, seemed to have been infected by Ryuuji’s yawn. She also opened her mouth wide.

“Seriously…now I’m awake…fwah.”

Chomp. She bit on the too-long sleeve of the parka like a kid.

“So what was Ya-chan saying? Did you decode that?”

“‘Water, Ryuu-chan, water please, make it cold.’ Right?”

“Couldn’t expect less from her son… I want water, too. The barley tea you brewed is cold, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. I’m glad I made it before going to bed.”

Cold cold, they muttered as the two of them stifled their footsteps, relying solely on the light from Yasuko’s room to get to the kitchen. Taiga took out glasses and Ryuuji peeked into the fridge.

“Huh? The tea isn’t here… Actually, the pot isn’t even here…”

“Oh! This?”

What Taiga had found was the glass pot left next to the sink. It was empty save for the tea bag stuck to the bottom. In this case, the culprit was naturally…

“That Kitamura…he finished it off while we were asleep. Seriously, if he’d just put more water in, it would have been good for another lap. So this is what a jerk who lives comfortably with his parents is like… Ahh, he even used all the ice. Why would he use ice for something that’s been in the fridge? And he didn’t even make more…”

He sighed at the empty ice tray without realizing it. While they were still doing that, Yasuko called out again for “ater pwease.” The Brita water purifier was still full, but he didn’t feel that her drunkenness would be content with room temperature water.

“Oh well… I’m going to run out to the convenience store. It’s closer than the vending machine. Is there something you want?”

“Yogurt! Oh, no, pudding! No, a cream puff! …An éclair? Sweetened coffee? Ice cream? Uwah, what should I do? I can’t decide at all…”

“Just come with me…”

Ryuuji stuffed his wallet and keys into his sweats. Then he and Taiga stifled their footsteps as they put on their sandals (Taiga borrowed Yasuko’s). They were about to leave the house when Taiga spoke up.

“I’m kind of excited about leaving the house this late… Oh, right, right. Let’s invite Kitamura-kun, too.”

“Isn’t he sleeping?”

“Let’s at least ask him.”

Nodding together, the two of them returned to Ryuuji’s room.

“Ugh! This room smells like boy…”

“Shut up.”

They turned on just the desk light and crouched by Kitamura’s pillow. They could hear him breathe even as he slept with the blankets up to his mouth. Taiga bit on her sleeve and grinned happily.

“Oh ho ho… Kitamura-kun’s sleeping face…”

“You’ve lost sight of the goal, you perverted girl…”

As though they were playing a practical joke straight out of a reality TV show, they sneakily peeled away the blanket. Ryuuji regretted that Minori wasn’t there. She definitely would have equipped herself with a mic and helmet and done a, “Good morning!” for them. From inside the blanket Ryuuji peeled off, Kitamura’s face, which would have been handsome when he had his glasses off, appeared. He was breathing deeply in his sleep.

But then…

Ryuuji, and then Taiga, knew the reason why the container of barley tea had been empty. They understood why the ice had also disappeared. They went silent, unable to utter a single word or breathe a single breath.

Left by his pillow…no, what had probably dropped from his hand as he slept was melted ice water filling a plastic bag. It had dampened the tatami. He had probably done it over an hour ago to make sure no one would realize the strain he had put on his eyes. The barley tea was for the hydration he had lost.

Kitamura had been crying.

The towel Ryuuji had laid down for Kitamura was visibly wet. Even now, there were traces of the tears on his eyes and cheeks. The towel was against his mouth, and he was biting the edge of it. It was likely that just a short while ago, in the middle of the night when Ryuuji and Taiga had both been deep asleep, he had stifled everything but his tears to keep anyone from knowing.

In the street before dawn, only the sound of their footsteps echoed.

“It’s dangerous, so don’t go too far.”

“…”

A little behind Ryuuji, Taiga walked slowly, dragging her sandals at a speed that was even outpaced by her own white breath.

He had thought they had time until winter actually came, but of course, the air was ice cold in the middle of the night like this. The sidewalk was deserted. They were in a back street where even a stray cat was unlikely to cross their path. There wasn’t a single window with a light on. The residences left the two of them alone and lay quiet, fast asleep. In that silence, he called Taiga’s name.

“Taiga…”

Her head was still turned down, and she still seemed like she could stop walking at any moment. Her long hair, which was disheveled from sleep, fell over her cheeks like she was trying to hide them. He couldn’t see the expression on her pale face.

Ryuuji took several steps back. He grabbed the hanging sleeve of the too-long parka he had lent her. Taiga didn’t try to stop him.

“I…well…”

She finally stopped walking. 

“I… What was I so happy about? I was so excited… Aren’t I an idiot…”

He could only see the top of her head. Because of the cold, Taiga’s shoulders and her voice quivered. Her tone was quiet as it flowed into the night, filled with regret at her own foolishness.

“I didn’t even understand anything. I didn’t notice. I didn’t notice at all…that Kitamura-kun was suffering and sad. I couldn’t notice. I’m no good… I’m definitely…no good. I’m no good at all…”

“You’re not…”

“I am!”

A drop of liquid fell onto the tips of her sandaled foot, which was probably freezing and smarting from the cold. Ryuuji saw that. The tears that she hadn’t even spilled when her father failed her flowed now.

Up until that day, sadness had fallen on Taiga’s small form like rain. But Taiga’s heart had continued to hold the tears in, like tough soil. Now she had reached her limits, and the water she had been full of came blotting out, slowly and silently. The traces of the tears built up into clear circles on the asphalt.

“This isn’t okay…”

The intolerable sobbing echoed in the street before dawn. Ryuuji only held onto the empty sleeve, stood still, and continued to look at the white top of her head. It was the same for Ryuuji. He couldn’t start walking for the same reason.

The sleeve Ryuuji wasn’t holding onto covered her still-lowered face. Taiga rubbed it, stifling her voice, and writhed with pain. If you’re no good, Ryuuji thought, I’m no good either. His head felt like it was mostly far away. He didn’t have a way to comfort her. He continued to hold the sleeve of Taiga’s parka.

Come to think of it, hadn’t Ami said it? She had pointed at Kitamura and his bleached head and said “If that guy just so much as cries, someone will come saving him.” Ryuuji thought that was exactly the case. Kitamura was strange, serious, sincere, and kind—he was a good person with a lot of qualities people loved. He was “that kind of guy,” and because of that, Ryuuji and Taiga, who liked him, wanted to save him. No matter what he did, they wanted to help him. That was exactly as Ami had said. Ami was right to blame Kitamura for being spoiled. They wanted to spoil him out of love. Even if Kitamura was crying because he was aware of that love, there wasn’t anything that would change their wanting to save him.

But—now that Kitamura was crying, what could idiots who hadn’t even noticed it do?

Even if they wanted to help him, what could idiots who couldn’t even hear the sound of his crying do?

What could useless children without a single saving grace do?

He shivered. That had been their last lifeline.

Right as he was reaching a dangerous point, Ryuuji raised his face. He looked up into the dark sky that was still far from dawn. As though in concord with Taiga’s faint crying, the constellations that could be found in the polluted winter night of the street were blinking in and out apologetically.

“Taiga, it’s the Big Dipper, those seven stars. That’s Polaris. Orion.”

Look up and see for yourself… There was a song that went like that. Ryuuji hummed just one phrase of the melody and then stuck his hand into the sleeve of the parka he was holding. He held on to Taiga’s cold fingers.

As though surprised, Taiga finally raised her face. Her red nose, her wet eyelashes, and her beautiful face were lit by the streetlamps. She was a mess, but Ryuuji didn’t make fun of her right then. He only pointed at the night sky. If she were looking up, her tears wouldn’t fall.

Taiga, tough as she was, would start walking again. Her tears would fall at times, but she would still be fine.

Ryuuji knew that well. After watching her from the sidelines for several seasons, for countless mornings and nights, while she was smiling, busy, or sad, but never disheartened, even on that day, he knew. He believed in her.

“Which? Which one’s Orion?”

Blowing her nose, Taiga asked, and he answered right away.

“The three stars in a line, it’s that one, right.”

“Oh… I see. I found it.”

She looked up into the freezing sky. Taiga’s fingers gripped Ryuuji’s. She gave them a strong squeeze. Her face was still stained with tears, but he knew the strength had come back into Taiga’s heart. She just needed a little more time before she started walking.

“Didn’t we learn about how far away the stars were in elementary school?” she said.

“Yeah. They’re light-years away.”

“That means the light wouldn’t reach us in that number of years, right? The Orion constellation and North Star and stuff that we’re seeing now might already be dead and gone. If they exploded right now and disappeared, we wouldn’t know it for ten thousand years. The stars we’re looking at now that we believe are there…really might not exist anymore.”

Taiga gripped his fingers even tighter to make sure they were still there. It was as though she were shouting, I need to hold on tighter, it needs to be tighter, tighter, tighter, tighter! It needs to be even tighter! That’s how much it hurt.

“It’s like me and Kitamura-kun. What I’m seeing with my eyes isn’t real. In order to know the truth I can’t see, I need years, tens of thousands of years. I wonder how far away he is. I wonder what the distance between me and Kitamura-kun is.”

“You want to close the distance, right? Because you like him. So you want to understand him.”

“Yeah…”

Taiga didn’t nod as she answered, still looking up at the night sky. Ryuuji remained next to her and whispered as he looked up at the same stars.

“It’s the same for everyone, I’m sure. Everyone gets scared at how far away someone else is, but when they like them, they want to get closer and they both reach out to each other…”

Right. Just like they were now. They were touching each other’s skin in order to make sure the faint emotions in their hearts couldn’t be lost to the eyes. They were trying to feel every emotion together, whether it was happy or sad.

“You can only reach out to them with your heart. Let’s do what we can. Let’s go and do what we can…”

I’m scared, he remembered the mutter of a girl.

He also remembered the boy who cried in silence.

Then, while he was thinking of others, he thought about Taiga, whose fingertips he was holding now.

Understanding each other was something like a miracle. For two people to understand each other, and to love each other, was like an unbelievable miracle. All the couples in the world, the friends, the spouses, the children and parents, the siblings—they could all be thought of as miracles. Ryuuji quietly closed his eyes. 

It was another hundred more seconds until they could start walking towards the convenience store again.

It was ten thousand more seconds until morning.