Epilogue
“Ughhh, you’re so annoying! What? What did I do? What does it matter what I do? We’re inside a game! Let me do whatever I want!”
“And look where that got us! You went around causing trouble for everyone! And what was that crap anyway? Using hot guys as furniture? How stupid can you be?! I’d rather you were still wasting money on hosts!”
“Really? Well, I’d love to, Genya. Are you gonna pay for it? You had a part-time job, right?”
“Don’t be ridiculous! Are you, like, hell-bent on being the worst mother of all time? Just stop already! Just…stop!”
“Oh, shut up! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! You’re always like this, Genya! From the moment you popped out of me! ‘Waaah, waaah, waaah!’”
“‘Popped’?! Ewwwwww! And stop calling me by my real name!”
“What’s wrong with Genya? It’s a nice name! Ohhhh, I wish I could see him again… Genya number one… I wonder how he’s doing? Next time I’m at the club, I’ll have to buy him a bottle.”
“Taste the rage of this daughter you named after some dumb host!”
“I’ll pay that right back, you silly little girl! I’ll pound that flat chest of yours even flatter!”
“And I’ll kick your ass for those crappy genetiiiiiiiics!”
Wise raged out with demonic ferocity and attacked.
Meanwhile, the Queen of the Night, a.k.a. Wise’s mother, Kazuno, had dropped her transformation, returning to human form—she appeared to be a very ordinary housewife—and was fighting back with all her might.
They grabbed and headbutted one another, grinding their heads back and forth. Kazuno gained the advantage, forcing Wise down, and soon had her pinned, but…
“…Oh.”
“Mm? What? What now?”
“Um, well… It’s just… It smells like Mom, I thought.”
“Wh-where’d that come from, Genya? …Although, I suppose this odor does remind me that you’re my child as well.”
“Humph. I feel like that phrasing could be improved. You’re implying I stink!”
“Oh, you’d noticed? You reek of sweat.”
“So do you! You stink, mom! You smell like an old lady!”
“Take that back! You know I’m sensitive about that sort of thing!”
They went on like this a while more.
Masato and Shiraaase were watching from a distance.
“Well, it appears the emotional reunion scene has become something of a full-on brawl. I suppose one could consider them close, in a manner of speaking. What do you think?”
“Yeah… I mean, they say you only argue with those you’re close to. And as long as their fight doesn’t bother anyone around them, I guess it’s okay?”
That was another way to be parent and child, so maybe that was how it should be. Probably.
“So what’ll happen to Wise’s mother now?”
“We’ll have her log out and question her thoroughly.”
“And then a strict punishment?”
“We can’t overlook the use of the cheat tool. However, if she confesses to everything and is able to provide us with information that would benefit future administrative decisions, we could see our way to softening the punishment. Despite all this, it seems she is still a mother.”
“So then, um… What about Wise?”
“Participation in this game is fundamentally done in pairs of one parent and one child, so depending on Kazuno’s attitude, there is a danger that Wise will have her account suspended as well, but…”
Shiraaase glanced sideways, staring at the ring on Masato’s right ring finger.
“We aren’t cruel enough to tear two young people apart. Don’t worry. Frankly, if a new parent-child relationship happens to occur within the game, we would consider that an entirely positive result. However, we do ask that you stick to the laws concerning legally marriageable ages.”
“Hmm? Huh? What? You’ve lost me…”
“Well, that aside, you and Mamako certainly were the stars today. The power of your bond truly impressed us all. Well done.”
“Thanks. The aftereffects appear to be kinda severe, but…”
Masato glanced behind him.
“Mama! You’re glowing! Like the sun! It’s blinding!”
“Too bright? I’m sorry… I’m just so happy I could fight alongside Ma-kun… Goodness, my heart’s still pounding!”
Mamako shone even brighter. She was laughing about it with Porta, but A Mother’s Light, which she’d accidentally activated in her excitement, was now so dazzling it was literally impossible to make her out. The light blinded anyone who looked.
“I think you might need to adjust my mom’s skills a little.”
“Yes, perhaps so. I’ll file a report on our test players’ opinions. Anything else we should know?”
“Anything else… Hmm… Anything else…”
Masato tried to think, but all that emerged was a yawn. They’d restored his HP, but that didn’t make him any less tired.
“You seem rather fatigued. Masato, you and Mamako should return to your lodgings and get some rest. This screaming contest seems like it’s going to take a while longer, so go on ahead.”
“‘Screaming contest’? …But yeah, I think that’s best. Porta, you coming?”
“No! I can read the room! I wouldn’t get between you two now!”
He’d wanted her along precisely because he had grave concerns about the implications of being there along with his mother. He couldn’t bring himself to argue, though, with her pure intentions.
And Masato was no longer that opposed to the idea of spending time with Mamako.
“Well, Mom. Should we head on back?”
“Yes. We’re leaving, everyone! …Oh, right, Ma-kun. What shall we do when we get back? Hot springs? Dinner? Or would you rather sleep with me? Oops! ”
She got even brighter, somehow.
“Don’t get carried away. And stop glowing! Can we have udon for dinner?”
“Sure thing. Mommy will cook whatever you want! …Eh-heh-heh.”
“Wh-what’s that laugh for?”
“It’s been so long since you actually told me what you wanted to eat! At home, it was always ‘Whatever’ or ‘The usual.’ It made me so sad!”
“S-sorry…”
“But here you are saying what you’d like and talking to me so much! Mommy’s so happy… Sniffle…”
Tears welled up in her eyes.
“Wh-why are you crying?! That’s not something to cry about!”
“Hee-hee. You’re right. Mommy’s being weird and crying out of nowhere.”
“Sheesh. Sigh… I will never understand moms…”
“Maybe not. Maybe boys never do. But that’s okay. You don’t need to! As long as you know your mom is your mom, that’s enough.”
“…It is?”
“It is.”
As they chatted idly, Masato and Mamako found themselves naturally walking side by side.
The sight of them together was blinding in its own right.
The next day.
Masato’s party got ready to leave Maman Village, basking in the glowing smiles of the elder and the villagers.
“Thanks to your defeat of the Queen of the Night, our village is back to normal. The young men she had bewitched have regained their senses and returned to their homes. We cannot thank you enough. As a small token of our appreciation, we’d like you to accept this.”
The elder handed over a URL. Yes, that kind of URL. He held out a string of letters, numbers, and symbols.
“Um… What is this? Some sort of bug?”
“If you access this from your smartphone, you can download a coupon for a free night’s stay at any participating National Hot Springs Association resort. I hope you all enjoy!”
“A free stay!” Wise was super impressed!
“What a lovely gift!” Mamako swooned!
“Try to rein it in a bit. It ain’t that great.”
“But it is!” the elder insisted. “This is a wonderful reward. A test pilot for a program to have quest rewards be useful in the real world. Please accept it.”
“Whoa… Well, in that case, sure, I’ll take it… Porta, can you put this in the bag for me?”
“Yes! I’ll take care of it! I’ll place it in the party storage!”
Porta shoved the rod-shaped URL code into her bag. And so…
…they headed out.
It was a beautiful day. A pleasant breeze was blowing. The perfect day to seek a new adventure.
“…Um, so, Wise…”
“Mm? What?”
“Why are you here?”
“Hunh?! Why do you ask? Are you implying I’m a problem?!”
“No, not at all… Just, you were only with us because you had that fight with your mom and wanted to become my mom’s daughter to beat the game, right? But now you two have made up. So the reason you were with us is gone.”
“Oh, yeah… That’s true, but…”
“So I’d just assumed you and your mom would be logging out, and you’d go back to your life in the real world.”
“Uhhh, yeah, well… We did talk about it, but…I just felt like I wanted to be here a little longer. I mean, I finally have a chance for some proper adventures.”
Wise clasped her hands behind her back, fiddling with the ring on her right ring finger.
She herself wasn’t really conscious of the implications.
“So don’t try to kick me out of the party, okay? Besides, you totally need me. You need my amazing Sage powers!”
“We have an urgent need to raise your defense against getting your magic sealed and dying, then.”
“I—I know! I’m raising it!”
“Cool. Then let’s find this next adventure!”
They set out in search of a new adventure.
New adventure… An adventure?
“…Oh? Hey, Ma-kun…”
“Mm? What, Mom?”
“What should we be doing now?”
“What? What do you mean?”
Mamako just blinked at him. He glanced at Wise, but she just gave a “Don’t ask me” shrug. Porta looked blank. Even her blank expression seemed worth preserving forever. He could go without three—no, four and a half—meals on that look alone.
Just then, a giant screen materialized in the sky, and you-know-who appeared, as deadpan as ever. Eyes that never betrayed the slightest hint of anything but calm stared down at them.
“Good morning, everyone. I am the Shirase always lurking in the corner of your heart.”
“I’d like to kick her out of there.”
“You can try! But I must inform you I will just sneak back when you aren’t looking… That said, you were all a great help with this quest. In light of which, we have decided you are worthy of entrusting with our next task. Are you on board?”
“Another quest? Uh… Sure, why not?”
“Wait, Ma-kun! Mommy was just wondering if we shouldn’t leave this game soon. I mean, you have to go to school, don’t you?”
“…Erk…”
She might have a point there. How long had they been in the game? And he’d definitely missed a few days of school. If he missed too many more, he might not meet the required minimum attendance.
“You need not worry about that. Your participation here is at the behest of the Japanese government. The nation itself has invited you, and you are testing a special program at the government’s request. Not only are you exempt from attending school, but we’re also covering your income and looking after your home for you. We leave no stone unturned.”
“Oh my goodness! You are? Well, that’s a relief!”
“Talk about customer satisfaction! Japan’s really got our backs on this one.”
“We would like your continued help with problems—hereafter known as quests—that management is having trouble handling. Naturally, we will repay your efforts in kind. Heh-heh-heh.”
“You didn’t need to say that much…”
“Now that your concerns are alleviated, I can inform you of your next destination! As my name implies! …Ha!”
The giant Shirase in the sky glanced sideways, and a beam of light shot out of her eyes, showing the direction in which they should proceed.
“You really oughta do something about that presentation.”
“I am quite fond of it, myself!”
Well, if she was cool with it, whatever.
And thus…
“Well, everyone, let’s…”
“Well, everyone, let’s head out on our next quest! Yay!”
“Mom! I wanted to say that! …I’m the hero! I’m the party leader! Got that?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, dear. But the early bird catches the worm! Right?”
“Sheesh… All right, then.”
It didn’t really matter. Not worth complaining about every time. He could overlook this much.
“Then let’s go! Yay!”
“I’m coming, too! Yay!”
“Yeah, yeah, let’s do this.”
“Repeat after Mom, Ma-kun! An adventure with Mommy! Yay!”
“Okay, don’t push your luck, Mom.”
Mamako was waaaay too excited about this. Laughing at her, Masato started walking.
As he did, Masato remembered something:
If you went on an adventure with your mom, would you become closer?
Before coming here, he’d answered that question on a survey.
How would he answer it now?
“…Like, I kinda am? I guess.”
Not really that different from before the adventure began.
Masato set out after his mother, oblivious to the smile stretching across his face.
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