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Always and forevermore, Komachi Hikigaya wants a sister-in-law.
I think it was Sojun Ikkyuu who wrote the poem “Every New Year is a milestone in your journey to the underworld.”
A wise saying. Truly a wise saying. The wise thing about it is how it’s so, like, wise, man. The fact that his name literally means “taking a break” is another nugget of wisdom.
Nothing beats a holiday. That’s such a wonderful appellation, Godiego would be raving about what a beautiful name it is.
Most events for which people say “Happy this!” or “Happy that!”—and I don’t just mean New Year’s, but also birthdays and graduations and whatnot—aren’t actually that happy, since they involve the passage of time.
All the events celebrated in society are ultimately portents of the end. Getting one year older is a countdown to the end of your life, and it’s fair to say the celebration of graduation indicates a sort of expulsion. These days, when an idol group gets fired, they’ll even call it “graduation” to make it sound pretty. Once you start thinking that way, it’s no longer an auspicious occasion at all. The only happy or lucky thing going on here is my happy-go-lucky brain. Kya-ha! Lucky me! Time to have another normal year!
And so, on that note, I’d been enthusiastically committed to making like Sojun Ikkyuu and lazing New Year’s away. Don’t rush, don’t rush, a break here, a break there… But in spite of that, this purimiamu Japaniizu burando product automatically celebrates the Niuu Iyaa on its own, no mess, no fuss! Aw shucks, spewing gratuitous English like a shopping channel when I can’t actually speak English is sooo Japanese…
In the end, Komachi dragged me along for the traditional New Year’s visit to the shrine.
We met up with Yukinoshita and Yuigahama at Inage Sengen Shrine to do New Year’s-y stuff like drawing fortunes, and then we ran into Miura and her friends, so Yuigahama joined them, and Komachi said she’d forgotten to buy a protection charm and went back…
Long story short, after being abandoned, Yukinoshita and I headed straight home.
Although it wasn’t far at all and didn’t take that long—it was just a few stops on the train—each and every moment lingers so vividly in my memory. I don’t think I’ll be able to easily forget the timid pressure hanging on my sleeve at odd moments, or her small hand, lifted up just slightly for a wave when we parted ways.
And so my New Year’s finally came to a close.
After being swept along in the waves of shrinegoers (without being scolded from a distance), I ended the New Year’s-appropriate events smoothly, and I returned to my empty home.
My parents must have gone out somewhere. I started nodding off while in the kotatsu, the family cat in my arms, as I waited for Komachi’s return.
This is it… This is the right way to spend your New Year’s…
There’s no need at all to be bumping into girls first thing in the New Year and get your heart beating out of your chest. You’ve got to let Mr. Heart take a break in the New Year, too! Well, except that if he does, I’ll die.
A hard tk sound made me open my eyes. It seemed I’d actually fallen asleep while lazing in the kotatsu. When I jolted upright, Komachi was there, sitting at the corner diagonal from me, looking at me with displeasure. She pushed one of the mugs on the table over to me.
I accepted it with gratitude. “…Oh, thanks… Welcome home. You’re early.”
“That’s what Komachi would like to say, though…” A dispirited half smile crossed her face, and then she took a slurp of her coffee and casually leaned her weight on the kotatsu to ask, “…So, Bro. How was it?”
“Nothing much. Normal,” I answered carelessly, not sure what she was getting at.
Komachi waved a hand like, No way, no way. “Nah, nah. Normal? You’re not a middle schooler in a rebellious phase.”
“U-uh-huh… And neither are you, if you’re pointing that out…” If I may say so of my own sister, she tends to adopt strangely long-term views. Like, it’s kinda housewife-ish.
That’s what I was thinking when Komachi inclined herself forward and said something an auntie would say. “You and Yukino walked back together, right? Nothing happened?”
“If just walking back together was enough to cause an incident, I’d be worried what the world is coming to. What do you think they make elementary schoolers walk in groups these days for? You need more danger awareness.”
“Whoa, there it is. Don’t give me that, okay?” She sighed like she found our conversation entirely taxing, turning to the New Year’s TV show as if she was trying to remove me from her sight.
The annual New Year’s show was basically the same every year, showing happy scenes appropriate for the occasion, like couples who had just signed their marriage papers or babies who were born on the New Year.
“I wanted to get things cleaned up last year…but at this rate, maybe it won’t happen this year, either…” Komachi sighed.
“What? You mean spring cleaning?” I asked her.
“Yeah, I’m talking about my garbrother.”
“You’re not gonna be able to throw me out that easy. Everyone’s all about going green and recycling lately,” I quipped, though I admit it was not my best.
“How dare you…,” Komachi muttered scarily, like a certain young environmentalist.
Oh dear, what frightful use of language… Has she gone delinquent? I trembled in fear as I eyed Komachi.
But it seemed she was off on her own worrying about something else. “Ahhh… My big bro really is a garbro. Even if Komachi somehow managed to get him married, he might wreck it immediately and have to move back home, which would double the work for me…”
Komachi’s brother complex is reaching dangerous levels, if she’s thinking about her brother’s marriage before her own. Or maybe it’s my dignity as an older brother that’s reaching dangerous lows, for having my little sister worry about my marriage. I do feel like in this case, the smoothest course of action would be for us sketchy siblings to just get married instead—but legally speaking in this nation, that might be the most dangerous of all, so maybe we’ll have to pass on that. Damn you, rule of law!
As I was burning with the urge to revolt, Komachi was getting fired up about something else. “In Komachi terms, though, it’s not like there’s no candidates for sister-in-law…”
“Hey, cut it out? Please don’t come up with candidates for such personal stuff without the permission of the guy in question?”
“Komachi really does think the strongest sister candidate is…Yukino, I guess…”
She’s not listening. If I engage with this nonsense, my New Year’s will be wasted. I leaned toward the TV to end the conversation.
But then I got a poke-poke in my side. “Bro, are you listening? Komachi’s trying to have a serious talk.” My instincts as a big brother kicked in, and I automatically switched into listening mode. “If Yukino was my sister-in-law, you could become a househusband. Consider it in terms of your lifetime income.”
“Don’t just casually call my defeat on lifetime income before the game is over. You should imagine a brighter future for your brother.”
“This is bright, though. It’s so bright, Komachi can’t see anything, like Solar Flare. Which is why I can say it’s basically nothing.”
Apparently, I’ve been borrowing Tien Shinhan’s moves without even realizing it. So it’s that hard to see, huh…?
While my shoulders were quietly slumping, Komachi was raising a fist high in the air. “And besides, Komachi figures Yukino would support Komachi, too. So Komachi will do household chores instead of you, too! Isn’t that great, Bro?! Finally, the NEET lifestyle you always dreamed of!”
“I don’t need that… You two should just get married… That seems like it could get you places, too, so Big Bro will stay right here at home…,” I said.
Komachi broke into a kind smile, then said gently, “It’s okay, Bro. Just as long as you’re there for Komachi…”
Why’s she suddenly overflowing with benevolence…? She’s totally treating me like a pet. I hate it… Maybe starting tomorrow, I should start eating kitty food along with Kamakura to get myself used to it.
I was having a glaring match with Kamakura in preparation for the inevitable doomsday war over kitty treats when Komachi scooped the cat up in her arms. Stroking Kamakura as he purred on her lap, she decided to drop a bomb. “Well, if that’s what we’re going for, Haruno also has similar terms.”
“Hey now, that one’s scary. And you’re scary, too, for being able to imagine her as a sister.” I’m a dreamer myself, and even I make sure never to imagine things like that. Komachi is way too reckless with her life… Does she have ninety-nine green mushrooms or something?
Komachi slurped at her coffee as she continued to soar on the wings of imagination. “What if Saki was my big sister? That’s another option.”
“No. And this one is totally unrelated to your last suggestion.”
“But her little sister has to come, too. Komachi’s heard she’s very cute.” With a smug chuckle, she laid down the most powerful card of the Kawasaki family deck and ended her turn. I didn’t know if Komachi had ever actually met Keika, but between Kawa-something and Taishi, at least one of them would probably want to tell people about her. Keika is just that charming and cute.
“………………I’ll think abo— Whoa, there! Hey, then Taishi would come, too. Forget it, forget it. Not happening.” When you get to be an ultimate duelist of my level, you’re sensitive to trap cards. I just barely managed to evade it. I’m not saying anything about Kawa-something as an individual—but as an older brother, I can’t let Taishi get close to Komachi.
But Komachi must have picked up on the effect Keika had on me, as she folded her arms with a hmm and drew her next card. “I see… You do have decent compatibility with younger girls, huh…? Oh, then how about, like, Rumi-chan?”
“Rumi-Rumi’s, like… She’s my idol. I don’t see her as anything more. It’s more like I want to do idol stuff with her and share in the passion… She makes me want to support her in a pure way.”
“Hmm, it’s a little creepy how seriously you’re taking this… And the way you put it sounds so intense, it actually freaks me out…” I’d meant to explain myself with the most wholehearted, utmost sincerity, but now Komachi was leaning away from me.
She seemed to resign herself eventually, letting out a deep sigh. “So younger is no good, too… Then going the other way…how about Miss Hiratsuka?”
The moment she said that, the air between us turned to ice.
The playful exchange we’d been having took a one-eighty as I was compelled to envision this somewhat realistic responsibility. You couldn’t joke about this stuff casually; it was too heavy for that.
Komachi must have felt that keenly, too. She let her head fall sadly. “Sorry. Maybe Komachi went a little too far with that one.”
“Yeah. Let’s pretend that didn’t happen. I’m sure Miss Hiratsuka will find her happiness. Not like I know.” With a distant look in my eyes, I prayed. Hurry…! Hurry, someone take her! Don’t wait! One wrong move, and I just might snap her up!
For a while, the sound of the TV attempted to fill the hollow silence in the wordless living room. We slurped at our coffees, then sighed simultaneously.
After spending some time with our eyes on the TV, Komachi suddenly spoke again. “Well, so long as you’re happy, Komachi’s fine with it. Oh, and that was worth a lot of Komachi points.” She smiled, and I dipped my head ever so slightly in a voiceless response.
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