5.9
More fourth-generation students disappeared, and only two were left in the room. Me and Shiro.
It had been several months since the two of us were the last ones alone.
We never spoke to each other once during that time, and every day was just silence.
But I didn't mind. I even thought it was better.
With Yuki’s chatter gone, I was able to focus more on my own learning.
That day was the first judo lesson in a few days.
Due to the heightened curriculum, certain events are only offered once every few days.
Still, both Shiro and I were improving our skills. Even though the competitions were different, our training allowed us to become familiar with our skills and we could apply them to many martial arts.
“You two are going to continue with your usual sparring sessions. I'll be out of the room for a bit.”
The instructor who was acting as the referee left the room in a hurry as if he’d been summoned.
We were left behind and started our Randori as instructed. We clutched each other's judogi.
Shiro and I had done the same thing dozens and hundreds of times.
“Can I have a word?”
The past months’ silence was broken when Shiro whispered in my ear.
I thought it was a mental attack, but he stopped moving completely.
“It's been many, many years since I’ve last beaten you in Judo, hasn't it?”
“That's right.”
I had been winning since the second round after I lost my first fight.
“Boxing, Karate, Jeet Kune Do—it’s the same for everything. I'll win the first one or two fights, but once you turn the tables on me, I can't do anything about it. You're really great.”
Why would he say that in the middle of a brawl like this?
“I have one thing to say to you.”
“...What?”
I listened to the mumbling, which continued at such a close distance that the adults couldn’t pick it up.
“I've decided to leave this facility.”
“Only the outcasts get out of here.”
“So I'm going to drop out and get out of here. If you look at the dropouts’ tendencies and the adults who have to deal with them, you can imagine what kind of paths they take. At least I won't be killed.”
“What are you going to do out there? Is there a point to that?”
“Yes. I want freedom.”
“Freedom?”
“I want to be free. I want to have friends. Isn't it normal to feel that way? Look around you. It's just me and you. We're going to be like this for over ten years.”
I didn’t understand what Shiro meant.
Why would he want that?
“Don't you care about the outside world? Or are you able to withstand this pain in the first place?”
I had never had any such interest or doubts.
“One-sided knowledge and this small space—are you satisfied with that?”
“At least I'm not complaining.”
I'm definitely growing every day in the White Room.
Didn’t he want to know how far he could grow and what his limits were?
You can't get this kind of education in the outside world. This means that you will lose efficiency in self-improvement.
“...You're weird. I want to see the real world, not the virtual one.”
Objectively speaking, I had seen many children who were sick and tired of their constrained lives, but the idea of dropping out because I couldn't take it anymore never came to me.
“I was convinced when Yuki dropped out. I even envied her.”
“I see.”
If that was the answer Shiro gave, then I had nothing to say.
“I thought you were just like me. I thought you'd want to be out in the world someday.”
“I'm sorry, but I've never thought that.”
“...I see. I was going to ask you to leave with me...”
I was sure the adults watching over him didn't know this as well as I did.
They didn’t know that Shiro had such an enormous amount of feelings about this place.
There was this established notion between the administrators that the children couldn't know what we didn't tell them. But the reality was that there were other people, like the one in front of me, who desired to leave the White Room as soon as possible.
I didn't know if this discovery meant anything as long as I was the last one standing.
“I'm going to go ahead and see you again sometime, Kiyotaka.”
I didn’t reply to his words.
I only felt his extraordinary determination. I also sensed a determination that I had never felt before, a determination to defeat me in this battle. The opponent in front of me wasn’t an easy opponent compared to a half-baked adult. And yet...
“KUK!”
Shiro's attack was repelled, and I got a clean blow.
I couldn't lose to an opponent who had learned from the same mistakes I had made.
If he exerted a power of 120, I exerted 130.
If he exerted 140, I exerted 150.
I don't care about the comfort of the White Room or the freedom outside.
The important thing was that there was still much to learn here.
As long as I could improve myself, I shouldn’t avoid it.
In other words, my intellectual curiosity was telling me to stay in this White Room.
“That’s it!”
Even though there was no judge nearby, we were always being watched from another room on the second floor, behind the glass.
Shiro slammed the ball down on the tatami mat, and we were informed that the game had been decided.
“I lost again after all. I should’ve remembered from when I won.”
He rested his arm on his forehead, breathless, and spoke of his faded memories.
“It was five years of losing all the time. I guess I realized that I couldn't win if I stayed here ..”
“Are you really going to drop out?”
“Yeah. I'll leave the White Room when the time is right.”
He wasn't going to change his mind.
I didn't understand. To leave the White Room was to die, no matter what form it took.
I couldn't think like that.
But Shiro must have had his own thoughts.
If he wanted to kill himself, I wouldn't stop him.
“Goodbye, Shiro.”
“Goodbye, Kiyotaka.”
This was the last conversation between Shiro and me.
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