Chapter 2
Song of Loneliness
DECEMBER 24TH. The first day of winter break.
In the morning, I woke up with a strange feeling.
“… I had a weird dream.”
Murmuring, I slowly stood up. It seemed that I had broken into a slight sweat while sleeping.
Usually, I don't pay much attention to my dreams.
Whether it’s good or bad, in the end, dreams aren’t reality. And humans, by nature, tend to forget them.
Even if exceptions existed in the world, I was also one of those who forget.
It was something you could remember immediately after waking up, but the memory slips away in a blink of an eye.
“—The homeroom teacher was a bunny girl, or something like that…”
Despite my resistance to try to remember, it was basically a futile effort.
To a third party, that might sound like a perplexing statement.
No, I don't think the main point of the dream was about the bunny girl.
Even if I tried to dig up more about my dream, my effort would likely go to waste.
So I quickly gave up trying to recall my dream.
Since there were no classes, I took my time getting ready for the day as the morning hours slowly passed by.
Matching toothbrushes and cups of different colors were placed on the bathroom counter.
Since distancing myself from Kei, who I always did things with, I had been returning to my usual life.
But that wasn’t to say our relationship was over.
It was more like a temporary break between lovers due to my purposefully caused misunderstandings.
There has been exactly no change in my emotional state due to those events.
Of course, it’s no other than because I’m the one who led the situation to this stalemate, but if this was an unexpected turn of events, would I have been able to feel a bit shaken?
“…I wonder.”
In the end, emotional changes were based on the premise that the other person was indispensable to you. If that wasn’t the case, emotions wouldn't be affected.
Even when it came to matters of personal significance, there was no need to hesitate in tormenting or cutting off a lover if necessary. Naturally, this applies to both sides.
However, I believed that feelings are a separate obligation to have as a lover.
As long as you are sharing time together, it is only natural to avoid making that time feel uncomfortable.
Moreover, since we gave each other precious time, it was better to bring joy rather than misery.
Of course, this line of thinking was based on human morals and ethics. Keeping Kei involved in my experiments and constantly causing her mental stress and strain wasn't a good idea.
I didn't plunge into this cold war without a plan—I did have one.
Going shopping for the Christmas present that we had promised before our relationship worsened.
The fact that this was still on the agenda kept us engaged in conversation.
Originally, I was supposed to have a morning date with Kei.
Unfortunately, it was rainy, and the bad weather had continued since winter break. While it was a little disappointing, the forecast already predicted rain all day on Christmas, so no one hoped for clear skies.
I had no control over the weather, so there was no helping it. But there was something unexpected that happened.
I glanced at the calendar on my desk in my room. The December calendar, with a heart drawn in pink ink enclosing the dates 24th and 25th… but…
It happened last night, after the end of the second term.
I tried to contact Kei directly on the 24th, but the call didn't go through.
I waited for a while, sending messages, and waiting for a response, but they remained unread.
After about an hour of hesitation, I finally got a call back.
The first word I heard from Kei, who was coughing weakly but intensely, was “Influenza.”
Seasonal influenza was a common flu that infected people regardless of age.
Cases usually increased significantly from late November to December, so it wasn't unusual for this time of year.
Unfortunately, it seemed that Kei had fallen ill and was suddenly bedridden.
Despite feeling weak, Kei probably wanted to fulfill the promise on the 24th, even if it meant crawling.
However, influenza spread through droplets in the air. If Kei were to go to Keyaki Mall under these circumstances, it would be selfish and would risk infecting others.
Kei apologized for not being able to manage her condition, which had been apparent just before being diagnosed.
Of course, I couldn't blame Kei for contracting the flu and instead urged her to prioritize rest and recovery.
On the other hand, I made sure to convey that our promise was still in effect and decided to reschedule our meeting.
If Kei were to tell me to cancel the promise in the meantime, there would be a possibility of it falling through, but as of now, that seemed unlikely.
If there were any changes to Kei's feelings, it would be due to interference from a third party’s suggestion, but someone as dependent as Kei wouldn't entertain such ideas.
If there was any hope of repairing our relationship, I couldn't imagine abandoning the option as a way out.
It was unclear how quickly it would take for her to recover, but for now, we decided to wrap up our conversation in the shortest time possible before the end of the year.
Both of us had various things we wanted to confirm about our relationship and current situation, but considering Kei's high fever and battered state, it wasn't possible to have a proper conversation.
I told Kei to prioritize rest first and ended the call.
Afterward, I confirmed that a friend had bought everything Kei needed while bedridden, so she wasn't in any trouble. Arrangements were made to respond in case of an emergency at night, which was helpful, considering the curfew.
This happened last night, on the 23rd.
This morning, I learned that there were confirmed cases of influenza among several students, regardless of their year.
For second years, it was fortunate that they managed to get through the special exams unscathed.
There might have been those who struggled in their exams with poor health without anyone knowing.
Since I hadn't been in close contact with Kei these past few days, my condition remained unchanged.
The real question now was how to spend the day.
The plans for today and tomorrow's Christmas were completely wiped clean.
[Good morning, Ayanokōji-kun. I heard that Karuizawa-san has the flu. Are you okay?]
Ichinose sent a message to my phone, followed by more messages.
[It seems like a few others are feeling unwell too. Are you alright, Ayanokōji-kun?]
As expected, Ichinose had a wide information network and was quick to hear things. She also seemed to grasp the situation regarding Kei's condition.
[Unfortunately, I think she'll be bedridden for some time.]
[Is that so… I'm worried. If you need help, just let me know.]
[Thank you.]
After some exchanges back and forth, she asked me what my plans were for the day.
Originally, I had saved this day for Kei, but... I still had to go to Keyaki Mall to pick something up, so I was still intending to go out.
[I think I'll go to the gym.]
I replied, assuming that was the plan and not feeling like joining anyone else.
[Oh, really? What time will you be going?]
[I have nothing to do, so maybe around noon.]
[I see. I was planning to go to the gym around lunchtime too, but should I cancel my plans?]
[Why?]
[Because it may seem like we're meeting up. Of course, it's just a coincidence!]
We both happened to plan on going to the gym, so it was a coincidence. There was no point in worrying about that.
It might have been a consideration for my girlfriend, Kei, but it was excessive.
On the contrary, it might have been more perverse if she tried to adjust the schedule here.
[Don't worry about it. I'll just go as planned. If we happen to meet at the gym, I'll count on you then.]
After sending that message, a read-receipt appeared immediately, and a mascot-like character holding an “OK” sign was sent back.
Well then, I'll leave preparations like changing clothes and hair setting for going out until later.
The time had just passed 9 a.m.
I decided to spend my morning leisurely by doing chores like laundry and cleaning.
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