Hiyori Shiina’s Short Story
What I Want You To Know
RIGHT AFTER I SAW off Ayanokōji-kun and returned to my seat, I remembered something I had forgotten about in the excitement of our reunion. I reached out to the bag that was placed near my feet.
I took out the item I intended to give and, with a slight bow to the librarian, I hurried into the hallway.
Hearing the sound of the door opening and closing, I wanted to run up to Ayanokōji-kun and call out to him, but I was slightly out of breath and couldn't speak immediately.
“Here—”
Somehow squeezing out a voice, I offered him the book I had been holding tightly.
But immediately afterward, I thought he might not have understood what this was, so I took it out of the bag.
“This is one of my favorite books. Would you mind reading it if you have the chance?”
“Is this, by any chance, the author you mentioned earlier?”
I had intended to keep the title of the book a secret as I handed it to him, but Ayanokōji-kun guessed it right away.
“I guess it's easy to figure out, huh?”
The nodding Ayanokōji-kun might’ve been confused about me, who suddenly tried to give him the book.
“In the case that you had already read it, I didn't think I could’ve easily given it to you as a present.”
That was why. I went on to explain why I took such actions.
“If you only want to read it, you can borrow it from the library. But if it's a work I really like or one I'm particularly fond of, I want to have it on hand.”
“So you went out of your way to buy it with your own money.”
“Also... this book isn't available in the library.”
A completely private book written by a family member.
I couldn’t ask the school to put it on the shelf.
“Are you sure I can have it?”
“Yes. Actually, this is the third time I've bought this book. The first time was when I was in junior high, and I still have it in my room. The second one was when I entered this school.”
To my surprise, I answered in such a quick and almost embarrassingly fast manner.
“I think I understand your tastes pretty well, so I'm confident that you'll be happy with it.”
Ayanokōji-kun finished accepting the book and left the library.
“I feel bad making you go through the trouble.”
I was anxious whether he would accept it, but when Ayanokōji-kun took it from me, I felt relieved. However, his words that struck the core of my heart caused my pulse to race.
“Did you perhaps carry this around with you until you met me?”
I had carried it around with me every day until I met him. His suspicion, that had hit right on the mark, only increased my nervousness.
“I would’ve come right away if you had just told me.”
“Well, yes. But... it's only been a few days, so it's not a big deal.”
Trying my best to keep calm, I explained and asked him not to worry about it.
As our conversation continued, I felt like I couldn't bear to show him more of my pathetic side any longer.
“Well then… see you later.”
Rather than my lingering emotions, my feelings of not wanting to show my pathetic self won, and I returned to the library as if I ran away. As I closed the door and took a deep breath, the librarian looked at me while smiling.
“That's youth, huh?”
Whether they had heard my conversation with Ayanokōji-kun or not, I couldn't tell.
Either way—there was no doubt that they had seen me in a very embarrassing situation.
“It's not like that,” I gently denied before returning to my seat.
The familiar silence of the library enveloped me once more.
That day, however, felt strangely lonely.
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