Youkoso Jitsuryoku Shijou Shugi no Kyoushitsu e - Volume 6 - Chapter 5.9

5.9

I HEADED BACK to Kushida and Horikita.

“Yoo-hoo!” said Kushida. Although she had a cheery expression, I couldn’t tell what her true feelings were.

“You really got me, Kushida-san. Your insightfulness and your ability to take action are truly incredible,” said Horikita. 

“Thank you. But, really, I’m merely observant,” replied Kushida. 

“Why did you call for Ayanokouji-kun?” Horikita asked. “I thought our conversation was over. If you’re angry that I had him listen in, just say so.”

“I’m not particularly displeased. It’s just that I’d rather speak to you both face-to-face. I was wondering whether you would mind me adding another condition to the bet,” said Kushida.

“A condition?”

“If I beat your score, Horikita-san, I want Ayanokouji-kun to drop out, too.”

I’d thought that Kushida might propose this.

“No,” replied Horikita.

“I want to make everyone who knows about my past disappear. Even if you’re no longer here, Horikita-san, if Ayanokouji-kun remains, so will my troubles.”

“Maybe. But this is my gamble, so I can’t involve him.”

Before I could even answer, Horikita denied Kushida’s request, as if she had already come to a conclusion well ahead of time. That must’ve been why she hadn’t told me about the bet in the first place. She’d wanted to avoid doing something that would have made me an accomplice.

“Well, that’s too bad. I could’ve killed two birds with one stone.”

“So, you want me expelled too, huh?” I asked, incredibly disappointed.

“Ha ha ha! There’s no need to look so disappointed. It’s not your fault, Ayanokouji-kun. It’s just bad luck that you learned about my true nature.”

“There’s no problem if he doesn’t tell anyone, though,” said Horikita.

“If that were all it took, Horikita-san, you wouldn’t have challenged me to this bet.”

“Well, you’re vital to Class D, after all.”

Kushida certainly was very observant of other people. It was only natural that Horikita would want such talent on her side.

“You’ve changed. You wouldn’t have said that before.”

“If I’m always fighting with my peers, then I’ll never make it to the higher classes. I’ll be stuck in a vicious circle,” said Horikita.

Had the two of them ever talked this openly before? Yet they couldn’t see eye to eye. Such a tragic fate. If they hadn’t attended the same junior high, Kushida probably would have cooperated with Horikita. In that case, Kushida would’ve influenced the classmates Hirata and Karuizawa couldn’t reach, and Class D might have united much sooner.

“Can I join this wager? I bet that Horikita will win,” I said.

“Wait a minute,” said Horikita. “What are you saying, Ayanokouji-kun? This has nothing to do with you.”

“It started out that way. But now it does have something to do with me. Besides, I eavesdropped on your conversation. You can’t just ignore that.”

Horikita seemed as though she wanted to avoid taking on an even bigger responsibility, but I selfishly interpreted this as a convenient move. Even if Horikita won the bet and was temporarily free from Kushida’s attacks, Kushida could just focus her offensive on me instead. If I protected myself now, it would make things easier in the long run.

“I’d be happy to have you join,” said Kushida.

“But I also have a condition.”

“Hmm?”

“I want you to tell me the specifics of this junior high incident.” I was entering dangerous territory.

“That’s—”

I didn’t hold back, even if Kushida was visibly shaken. I’d be forcibly dragged into their bet. If I acted swiftly now, I could secure an advantage. “It’s my right to ask for this much. I don’t know any details, and yet you’re trying to get me expelled. You’re acting on the belief that Horikita knows about the incident, right? So, just explain it to us right now. As long as you beat Horikita on the test, the school will kick us both out, and you won’t have to worry.”

“I’m not interested in her past,” said Horikita.

“Well, I am. I can’t accept that Kushida’s threatening my whole life here on a selfish whim,” I replied, disregarding Horikita’s response.

“It’s true that you’re now involved, Ayanokouji-kun. I can’t deny that. If Horikita-san really hasn’t told you the details, I understand your feelings. But if I do tell you, there’ll be no turning back. Understand?” asked Kushida.

“Haven’t I already passed the point of no return? Are you saying you’ll spare me if I don’t know anything? Can you say for sure that you won’t treat me as your enemy?” I asked. Kushida had designated me her enemy, a target to be dealt with. 

“No way.”

“In that case, tell me why it’s worth taking this gamble.”

Horikita probably wondered why I was going this far—why I would risk being expelled. Her eyes said as much, but she wouldn’t question anything in front of Kushida. 

Sorry, but I can’t do what you want, Horikita. I finally have the chance to expose Kushida Kikyou’s past.

“Ayanokouji-kun, is there something that you’re the best at? Better than anyone else?” asked Kushida.

“I’m just an average person. What you’d call a jack of all trades, master of none. If I had to pick something, I guess I’m a little faster than average.”

“Then I wonder if you can understand what I’m feeling. Don’t you think that the best thing in the world is feeling valued in some special way? When you get the highest score on a test, or win first place in a race, everyone’s eyes are on you. You know those moments when people shower you with attention?” asked Kushida. “They’ll call you amazing, cool, cute, and so on.”

Of course I understood. People naturally desired the approval of others. Working hard enough to earn praise for accomplishments was fundamental to how human society functioned. It was perfectly legitimate.

“I think that I’m probably addicted to that feeling,” Kushida said. “More so than normal people. I can’t help wanting to show off. I can’t help wanting to stand out. I can’t help wanting to be praised. When I am, I truly feel how wonderful it is to be alive. But I know my own limits. No matter how hard I try, I won’t be number one in school or in sports—and coming second or third won’t satisfy my cravings. So, I thought I’d do something that no one else could—be nicer and kinder than everyone else.”

That was the root of Kushida’s kindness? It was better to be a genuinely kind, helpful person who made mistakes than someone two-faced who just bragged about being perfectly good. A kind but flawed individual was more honest than a saintly liar. What Kushida was doing wasn’t nearly as simple as she made it sound. Even if you wanted to be the kindest, gentlest soul, it didn’t automatically mean you would get along with everyone.

“Thanks to that, I became popular with both boys and girls. I took pleasure in being trusted and relied upon. Elementary school and junior high were really fun,” said Kushida.

“Isn’t it agonizing, though? Doing things that you don’t want to do? If it were me, I couldn’t take it. I think I’d break down,” said Horikita.

No wonder she’d ask that. Kushida had been doing things that others would consider impossible.

“Of course it’s agonizing. Day after day, I’m under so much stress I feel like I’m going to go bald. I’ve pulled my hair out and vomited from anxiety. But I can’t let anyone see that side of me. That’s why I continued to endure, and endure, and endure. But my heart couldn’t take it anymore,” said Kushida.

Clearly the stress had been insane. How had she kept this act up for so long?

“My blog saved me. It was the only place where I dumped out this hidden stress. I could tell it all my most painful secrets. Of course, I posted everything anonymously, you know? But I wrote the facts just as they were, and it made me so happy when I received encouragement from people I didn’t even know. Then, one day, a classmate discovered my blog. Even though I hadn’t named anyone, it was clear my posts were all based on real events. I’d badmouthed everyone so much that they were obviously going to hate me for it.”

“That’s how this incident started?”

“The next day, my posts were shared with the entire class. Everyone condemned me. I’d helped them so much, and yet they all turned on me. Selfish, right? The boy who’d told me that he liked me actually shoved me. It was understandable, though, since I’d posted that his romantic confession grossed me out and I wanted him to die. One girl I’d comforted after she was dumped even kicked my desk. I’d posted in detail about why she was dumped and made fun of her. Over thirty students decided I was their mortal enemy that day.”

She could have never won that fight to begin with. I could only see it ending with the class forcing Kushida out.

“So, how did you make it through? Violence? Or lies?” That was the mystery that Horikita and I still didn’t know the answer to.

“Neither. All I did was tell the truth. I revealed all my classmates’ secrets. Who hated whom, who thought whom was a disgusting creep. I exposed truths I hadn’t even written on my blog.”

We hadn’t anticipated this. Truth was a weapon that you could only obtain through trust. Horikita and I didn’t have that. Although truth might seem harmless, it was actually a powerful double-edged sword, only usable at the cost of more trust.

“At that point, my classmates stopped being angry at me and started hating each other. The boys got into fistfights, the girls pulled each other’s hair and shoved each other over. The entire classroom descended into complete chaos. It was honestly incredible.”

“So, that’s how it happened.”

“Because of everything I exposed, the class could no longer function. The school rebuked me, but my blog was anonymous, and all I technically did was tell my classmates the truth. They weren’t really sure how to punish me.” Kushida spoke indifferently, but every word she uttered carried weight. “I still don’t know that much about my fellow Class D students. However, I know enough to destroy a few people. That’s my only weapon.”

A threat. If we told anyone about her, we should prepare for the consequences. If Kushida felt it was necessary, she would tear a rift in Class D right after we’d finally started bringing everyone together. If that happened, the harmony we’d established would disappear.

“It was a mistake to use the internet to vent my feelings. Everything you put up there is saved forever. That’s why I stopped blogging. Now, I blow off steam by saying what’s on my mind out loud when I’m alone.”

Like the first time I’d seen that other side of her. She was probably spewing all the cruel insults she could muster.

“Do you want to remain as you are right now?” I asked.

“This is my reason for being. More than I love anything else in the world, I love everyone respecting and noticing me. When people trust me with their secrets, I feel joy that surpasses my wildest imaginings.”

Knowing the anxiety, suffering, embarrassment, and hopes that people held deep within their hearts was Kushida’s forbidden fruit.

“Boring, isn’t it? But to me, it’s everything.” Kushida’s smile disappeared. Now that she’d told us about her past, we became true enemies in her eyes. From this point onward, she wouldn’t show us the slightest compassion. “Don’t forget. If I score higher in math, both you and Ayanokouji-kun will drop out.”

“Yes,” said Horikita.

And that was that. Satisfied, Kushida left to return to her dorm. 

I turned to Horikita. “Are you sure about this? Kushida’s involved with Ryuuen. She could get all of our questions and answers.”

“If you knew it was dangerous, why did you join? Because you believe I won’t lose?” Horikita countered.

“Well, yeah.” Truthfully, I went along with the bet because I had some ideas of my own.

“Even though Kushida might be able to help Ryuuen-kun, I really have to wonder whether it’ll come to that,” said Horikita.

“What do you mean?”

“What do you mean?”

“Certainly, if she gets ahold of the test questions, victory will be within Kushida-san’s grasp. In which case, I would definitely have to drop out. But do you think that Ryuuen-kun really wants me to drop out?” she asked.

“It’s doubtful.”

Ryuuen wanted to entrap Horikita, but he wasn’t trying to get her kicked out of school. He hoped to see her brought low, and her expulsion would end those aspirations. Besides, would he really let Horikita go without finding out who was working with her in secret? Would he let her get expelled without exposing me first?

“But what if Kushida lies to get the questions from him? She might say that she wants to improve her personal score, and keep our bet’s details secret,” I said.

“Ryuuen-kun would see through something like that. If Kushida-san asked for the math answers, he’d want to know why,” said Horikita.

“You’re probably right. But this is dangerous.”

There were no guarantees. Kushida might successfully convince Ryuuen to help her. I hoped Horikita would consider that, but harping on it would be too harsh.

“There’ll always be danger, no matter the challenge at hand. It helps to have things you’re willing to put on the line.”

Horikita hadn’t expected me to actively take part in the bet. However, she was resolute in her conclusion. She’d made her offer sound more credible to Kushida by promising to keep her past a secret, swearing to drop out if she lost, and having the former student council president stand as a witness.

“There’s no turning back from this. We definitely need to win.”

“Of course.”

Horikita was making her biggest gamble yet.