A Book Dedicated to Our Youth - Volume 3 - Chapter 5.3

V3C5.3
The performance was more successful than I had expected, and even I was amazed by those delicate faces. Loud clapping resounded within the hall.

Listening to the grades that the judges gave, our entire class stood up in unison and started clapping with all our strength. Shen Yuanzhe and I were extremely excited. I could barely contain my happiness, and I placed my hand next to my mouth, about to whistle when Shen Yuanzhe saw my actions and stopped me. I leant on his arm and laughed. The head teacher wasn’t sitting far away- I couldn’t let such a small action destroy the hard work of our entire class.

Guan He clapped loudly and congratulated us, “That was amazing! Whose idea was it?”

I didn’t reply. “All the backdrops were designed by Luo Qiqi, the faces were also painted by her,” Shen Yuanzhe replied.

Guan He marveled in surprise. “Qiqi, back then you must have hidden a lot of talent!”

I smiled, pretending as if I couldn’t see Zhang Jun, but my peripheral had been fixed on him completely since the beginning. He chatted happily with Guan He, but when he occasionally glanced over to me, his eyes were hard and icy. Even his claps were weak, just a few disinterested attempts.

A thick layer of disappointment settled in my heart. To him, I probably held less importance than even the most average class mate. He wasn’t willing to give us even the smallest praise. 

The partner dancing from Class 4 received second place, whilst our Peking Opera Rap was able to score top prize. When the head teacher gave out the awards, he specially praised us, encouraging all the students to start thinking innovatively, and that the performance of first year’s Class 5 was able to show everyone that having a healthy and positive theme didn’t equate to being dull, mundane, or tedious.

Our class was crazy with happiness, and everyone was laughing because everyone had pulled their weight.

When the other classes left and the atmosphere went back to normal, Shen Yuanzhe called for Wang Qian and I to stay. “Most of the hard work was done by you two. Are you in a rush to go home? If not, I’ll take you two out to the night market for some food as thanks.”

Wang Qian smiled. “Then I won’t hold back. I’d like malatang and kebabs”

We walked around the night market, eating as we talked. Wang Qian and I kept complimenting each other, me saying that she was the most important, her saying that I was the most important, whilst Shen Yuanzhe would pour drinks for both of us. “You’re both heroes. Thank you two for your much needed support.”

After we had finished eating, we started to leave when at another stall Shen Yuanzhe suddenly stopped and greeted Zhang Jun. He was also eating, probably also a reward banquet from the class captain, as across Zhang Jun sat the two girls who performed the partner dancing item.

I dragged Wang Qian, ready to leave, when someone called out for me. “Qiqi.”

It was only now that I realized next to Zhang Jun sat Guan He. She smiled and called me over, “Qiqi, come and have some food with us.”

I smiled. “It’s ok, we just ate with Shen Yuanzhe.”

Back at home, even though I had worked hard for the entire day, I felt no sense of sleepiness. Despite the regular schedule that I set for myself, I stared outside the window, unable to fall asleep. 

It had been an entire year since Zhang Jun’s last girlfriend. Would Guan He become his fourth?

I had become numb to all his partners. No matter how many times they changed, they were unable to touch me. But Guan He was an exception because I had a strange feeling that Zhang Jun had never truly grieved for his previous three breakups. His heart had always been on Guan He.

After all, she was his first crush!

Even though Guan He had rejected him back then, he was no longer that slim spiky-haired boy from before. He was a tall and handsome teenager now, no longer in touch with gangsters, and an honor student.

Four years had passed. He changed immensely.

Four years had passed. She was back at his side.

But what about me? From the very beginning, I was just a small side character without a spotlight and could only hide in the corners along with my sadness and envy.

Ever since school started, apart from helping prepare for the Literary Performance, Shen Yuanzhe was also preparing for the Student Council Captain election. 

I didn’t think that he would have any problems. To put it in perspective, the number of girls with crushes on him could get him up to that position with their sheer quantity. But in all seriousness, throughout the entire first year of high school, his work results in the student council were obvious to all, and with the amount of experience he had in middle school, it was certain that he would be chosen.

For the longest time, the reputation that Shen Yuanzhe upheld amongst the students was extremely good. But, for some reason, a rumour started to spread around our grade that Shen Yuanzhe was actually a fake.

As high school students, we were basically half an adult, and we had considered our future quite a bit. For example, before understanding fully why the cultural revolution* would set free the entirety of humanity, a special few would have already handed in their Republic Party application forms, understanding that being a junior party member would bring about many benefits. If they decided to go into government organisations or state enterprise work in the future, it would be even more important than graduating from a prestigious university.

Shen Yuanzhe was the first and only one to hand in the application form. Just from this, it was clear that he was a realistic and astute person. Whilst everyone else was still enjoying their youth to the best of their abilities and viewing the university entrance exam as the only stress in their lives, Shen Yuanzhe had already been sending in thought reports* to the government in preparation for future careers.

There was a mysterious power in Shen Yuanzhe. He was able to make the principal, the head teacher, and the class teacher all treat him like an adult and give him their trust. He was able to let everyone see him as a close older brother and spill out their secrets. But under the influence of the rumours, the fact that he was such a well-rounded person only led to more suspicion from other students. In contrast to him handing in his application form to join the party, the rumors of his cheating spread throughout the entire first year, with many people believing them. 

During those times, even I was a little confused.

On the outside, Shen Yuanzhe appeared a warm and kind person, but in reality, his true self was completely different from what he presented himself as.

I was one of the few people that counted as close to him, and I had believed that we were good friends, but if I ever thought deeply about it, I would realise that all of our conversations were one-sided.

I had told him countless stories about me, even about my superficiality and despicableness, but he had never once talked about himself. He would always be listening, smiling, occasionally cutting in at the right moments, making me reveal more and more without me actually realizing. The more I said, the closer I felt towards him, and viewed him as a confidant. But in truth, my knowledge about him had not increased any from when we first met.

More and more people started saying that he was shrewd, manipulative and a faker.

I thought in confusion, was that really true?

I was someone who hadn’t even joined any social clubs, yet he had already handed in his party application form, writing thought reports every month. I felt fear each time I saw a teacher and had difficulties with even the most basic communications, yet he was able to treat them as friends.

Shen Yuanzhe was someone completely different from me, and I didn’t understand him at all.

But soon, I was able to clear the mist. Did it matter what kind of person he was? All I needed to remember was that during the afternoon in the first year of middle school, when I was crying my heart out with no one comforting me in the class, and he was the one who walked in warmly, and used his kindness to drive away the cold.

Maybe he was fake. But to be fake to such an extent that he was able to treat even strangers with such warmth, then I believed that this kind fakeness was more valuable than any kind of honesty.

Those who were honest raised themselves above others, aloof, and those who were fake listened patiently, giving out words of advice. If that was true, then I would rather have the latter.

During those times when the rumours against Shen Yuanzhe were spreading, the Student Council placed forward two candidates for the Council Captain. One was Shen Yuanzhe, the other Zheng Anguo.

Zheng Anguo was the sport representative of Class 4 and worked in the sports department of the Student Council. He was skilled at basketball, and because of that, was quite familiar with most of the boys in the high school sector. He was also a boarding student, and the boarding students of First High were known to be very united, so he had basically the support of the entire population of boarding students. The current council captain was new to First High, and leaned naturally more towards Zheng Anguo. 

After a fierce battle, Zheng Anguo was able to win with the help of the council captain and became the new Student Council Captain.

Zheng Anguo very generously invited his opponent to become the leader of the sports department, exhibiting the perfect demeanor. Nevertheless, Shen Yuanzhe refused and left the student council smiling.

That was probably a huge failure for Shen Yuanzhe because since he had applied for entrance to the government, the position of the Council Captain was extremely important for him, much more than simply looking cool amongst the other students.

But, it was impossible to see how Shen Yuanzhe felt about it. He was exactly like before, smiling brightly, concentrating on preparing for the Literary Performance.

In truth, I really wanted to comfort him, but I wasn’t sure what to say because I had no idea what his true thoughts were. If he was like me and cried his heart out, then it would have been easy, yet he kept smiling, so calm and composed as if nothing had happened. I didn’t know what I could do, so I could only try my hardest during the preparations for the Literary Performance as an attempt to relieve some of the burdens from his shoulders.

The matter with the election should have settled down with that, yet time had barely passed when it took a sharp turn.

On Sunday night, I went to self-study as usual. When I arrived at the teaching blocks, a crowd of people suddenly rushed into the school with metal sticks, grabbed a few guys and started beating them up. In the third building of the high school sector, many other boys rushed out and started a group fight.

The flower bed was under maintenance with many bricks layered on top of it. Many of them picked up the bricks to hit each other with, and gradually, more and more people joined.

The scene unfolding in front of my eyes shocked me. It was as if I was back in middle school. I had lived high school in such a simple and happy way, thinking that life was ever so pure, not realizing that what I chose was the simple way of life, not that life itself was simple.

The other students hid in the teaching block from fear, yet crowded around the windows in excitement, spectating.

Nightclubs and bars were places where fights often broke out, and I had become numb to the excitement. Uninterested, I lifted my bag and walked into the classroom.

At level two, Zhang Jun stood in the middle of the corridor, keeping the boarding students in his class from going down to join the fray. They shouted and swore, pushed and shuffled, but Zhang Jun still refused to let them go. In that mess, they had almost started to hit Zhang Jun, when sirens sounded outside.

Zhang Jun moved to the side and the group of boys immediately stampeded downstairs. I stood close to the wall, giving way to them, and thought, didn’t you people hear the sirens? Who would wait for you? They’ve all left by now!

After the boys had finished rushing down in a frenzy, I turned and raised my head to continue my ascent when I saw Zhang Jun still standing on top of the stairs, staring down at me. At that moment, the only people on the stair were the two of us and the strange height and space difference made me feel as if we were infinitely close to each other, as if the instance I reached out to him, I would be able to touch him. I paused, slightly dazed, then removed my gaze and walked past him, expressionless.

This fight that was started by college students, and which the entirety of the boarding students of First High participated in, was the first on-campus gang fight that had ever occurred in the history of First High. The effects of this were exceedingly horrible, two students got their arms cut, one student received a concussion from being hit by a brick, and there were a slurry of light injuries. Two students were expelled, and the rest received warnings and suspensions.

During this fight, none of the students from Class 4 participated and the school gave them collective praise.

Zheng Anguo, despite being the core individual of this year’s boarding students, hid in a classroom during the fight. On Monday’s flag raising ceremony, he reviewed his negligence to the whole school, and actively resigned from his position which was taken up by Shen Yuanzhe.

Not soon after, the news that Shen Yuanzhe was accepted as an associate party member got out, doubling his happiness. 

Afterwards, Ma Li said that the college students’ goal was Zheng Anguo, so of course he wouldn’t have dared to go out, but why the college students would want to beat up Zheng Anguo, he was unable to explain. He said that was what his friends in college told him and that maybe Zheng Anguo was just a bad person.

After this mess, Zheng Anguo’s friends thought that he was too weak, and no one was willing to be friends with him anymore. Zheng Anguo was a boarding school student with both parents in another city. For the rest of his high school life, he lived a painful life trying to fit in with the rest of the student body, only to be treated coldly by everyone, resulting in him hanging out with himself only. But because no one was willing to hang out with him, Zheng Anguo spent all his energy studying and was able to get into a top university in Beijing. Perhaps that was what Mr Gao meant when he said “sometimes loss was for the sake of gain.”

*This was censored in the raw. I’m only assuming that it is referring to the cultural revolution, but it could be others.

**A report on the individual’s opinion on the current nation situation, a way of brainwashing and controlling the citizens but most of the times people lie