A Book Dedicated to Our Youth - Volume 3 - Chapter 6.1

V3C6.1 The Thoughts of Teenagers
Why was it that love during our youth was so innocent and clumsy, sincere yet sharp? Why was it that when we didn’t understand love, we loved with the least reservation, yet when we finally learnt how to love, we became unwilling?

Before the end of term test, the class teacher told us some good news: the school was organising a summer camp for a selected group of high ranking students and outstanding class representatives. After careful selection, the choices from my class were Lin Yiran, Yang Jun, Shen Yuanzhe and I.

I was extremely excited. After all, this was in the capital city of my country and I had never been there before! And most importantly, it was completely free!

When I got back and told my parents, they immediately told all of their friends and relatives in happiness, and I somehow managed to get famous again within the family circle.

The instant the end of term tests were over, we prepared to leave. As for our grades, we would get to know them when we got back.

Unluckily, just one day before we left, Yang Jun twisted his ankle playing basketball and had to give up his chance to go to the summer camp.

On the day, the school bus came to pick me up from my apartment.

In order to catch the train, we had to leave extremely early. By the time I had drowsily climbed onto the bus, I found most people had already arrived, the atmosphere lively.

It was quite dark within the compartment, and with everyone shrinking into their chairs, I couldn’t tell who was who, so I shouted, “Lin Yiran!”

“Here.”

I immediately jumped over and sat down. “You saved this seat for me, right?”

Lin Yiran smiled and nodded.

The compartment was filled with excitement over going to the capital. There were people talking, singing, and the person in front of us even turned around and started going over the answers to the maths test. I marveled, suddenly realizing that this bus carried all the good students in the grade.

When we arrived at the train station, I stood up gleefully. The student who was sitting behind me also stood up and we faced each other. It was only then that I finally realised that the person sitting behind me was Zhang Jun. He reached out to get his bag, and I also reached out to get mine. When our hands touched, my heart suddenly jumped as if I had been shocked, and I immediately withdrew my hand. After a while, I regained my composure and reached out to grab my bag with an air of indifference only to realise that even though it was quite easy to throw it up, taking it down was rather difficult. I stood on the tip of my toes but was still unable to reach it.

When Zhang Jun had gotten his bag, he also brought down mine and passed it to me. He said nothing, and I received it in silence.

I wasn’t sure if my smile exposed my awkwardness, but I kept smiling. So much so that I didn’t even know how I had managed to get off the bus and into the train station.

There was around two more hours before the train departed. Because of our numbers, the school was afraid that there would be accidents and arranged for there to be a lot of spare time. They didn’t expect for us to be so efficient and for everything to go smoothly.

The team leader was a young female teacher. She gathered us together and made a little self introduction. “Call me Ms Xing. I’m the class teacher of Class 4 and I’ll also be the team leader for you during the summer camp. If anyone has any problems or questions you can come and ask me.”

My physics teacher also introduced himself. “I’m Mr Wang, the physics teacher of Class 5 and 6, and I will be the sub-team leader for this activity. Any students are welcome to come and talk to me. Our mission is to safely bring everyone here and back safely.”

Ms Xing told us a few more rules and appointed Shen Yuanzhe and Zhang Jun as the student supervisors. If there were any problems that couldn’t be brought to the teachers, they could go find Shen Yuanzhe or Zhang Jun. 

After the meeting, some students brought out card packs, spread newspapers onto the ground, and separated into groups to sit in circles and play poker. I shrank into the chair, biting my thumb, and thought about the awkwardness of the coming month. An entire month of living together, it appeared this Beijing trip would be filled with unhappiness.

Shen Yuanzhe was fairly popular and knew everyone. Someone came to drag him in to join the card game but he saw that Lin Yiran and I were still sitting by the sides in boredom, smiled, refused and came to accompany us. 

I sat dazed, and after a while asked Shen Yuanzhe, “Guan He should be in the top three of Class 4, why is she not coming?”

“She was originally invited but refused it herself. Something about her family, I think.”

I sighed lightly. She definitely wanted to come.

Even though the event was basically paid for by the school, going outside would still require spending money. My mother kept saying “a rich life from a poor family” and gave me $1500, but Guan He’s stepfather was probably unable to be as generous.

On the train, the social class differences between the students were immediately reflected.

All the expenses of the trip were paid by the school, but that was limited to the very basics. For example, on trains we were only given seat tickets. Kids from normal backgrounds like me naturally used what was given to us, but for people from rich backgrounds like Zhang Jun and Master Jia, they bought bed tickets with their own money. Nevertheless, since it was still day, they placed their baggage in their compartment and came back to the seats to fool around with everybody else.

The bunch of them squeezed in the six-seater and played poker together, unbelievably lively. 

Everyone behaved like monkeys off their leash. Boys and girls sat together with no restraint, laughing and screaming with excitement. Even the simple games of poker were spread all over the bus, numerous. There were also some that sat together fortune-telling, future-telling, and love-telling, laughing happily from now and then.

Lin Yiran didn’t know how to play poker and was not very good at befriending strangers, so she sat quietly at the side; I stayed away because of Zhang Jun.

In order to take care of us, Shen Yuanzhe also didn’t join them but instead sat by us and chatted, making us three from Class 5 seem out of place in this lively compartment.

“You don’t have to take care of us, you know.” I told him.

Shen Yuanzhe smiled. “Chatting is fun as well.” He pointed at everyone and introduced them to Lin Yiran and I. “Zhang Jun, class captain of Class 4. Ms Xing had just introduced him earlier, and you have probably seen him before. Sitting next to him is Zhen Yun, we all call him Master Zhen. His father is the Director Zhen that came to our school for inspection last time. Zhang Jun and Master Zhen are very close. He’s got a very sharp mouth and an arrogant personality, but he’s not a bad person. Across Master Zhen is our famous Master Jia.”

Both Lin Yiran and I had only heard of him by name and had never seen him. Since all our parents were basically working underneath his father, we stared at him for a while and realised that this second-generation officer looked very common, keeping a serene smile on his face, much more normal than that Master Zhen.

“Why is he coming?” I asked. “His grades aren’t that good, right? And he’s not a class captain, least of all a class representative.”

Shen Yuanzhe smiled and replied, “The original plan was for four people to come from each class but since many people gave up their chance, the school offered the ticket to anyone who hadn’t made any mistakes and is willing to pay for their expenses. So not only are Master Jia and Master Zhen paying for themselves, so is that girl who’s currently fortune-telling for everyone, Huang Wei.”

That girl had light make-up on with accessories. Perhaps because it was the holidays, and we were outside, the teachers didn’t make her take them off. 

“Which class is she from?” I asked.

“Class 2.”

I thought that the name Huang Wei was oddly familiar, yet I was unable to recount where I heard it from. Next to me, Lin Yiran gave a light ‘ah’.

Immediately, I asked. “Do you know her?”

Lin Yiran probably didn’t expect for me to react so fast. She glanced over at Shen Yuanzhe then continued in a whisper. “I had a primary school friend who went to Third High for middle school. Apparently there was this girl called Huang Wei over there who tried to slit her wrist for a boy. She was almost suspended for that.”

Another gangster girl, no wonder I was familiar with her name. I didn’t pursue this topic, instead glancing at Huang Wei, then redirecting my gaze to the window.

At night, Zhang Jun, Master Jia, Master Zhen and Huang Wei all left for their own compartment.

Seeing that Zhang Jun had left, I let out a breath and said, “Let’s play poker!”

Lin Yiran shook her head. “I don’t know how to play.”

I smiled and replied, “Then let’s be on the same team so I can carry you. It’s really easy, much simpler than English. You’re good at English, so this will be easy for you.”

Both she and Shen Yuanzhe knew that English was one of my great weaknesses and they laughed. In fact, before, when Lin Yiran saw the others having so much fun playing poker, she really wanted to play as well, but her pride didn’t allow her to drag the other person in her team down because she couldn’t play.

Shen Yuanzhe went and borrowed two packs of cards, and the three of us played together with the class captain of Class 6, the boys in one team, the girls in the other. They knew how to play, Yiran didn’t, and on the outside it appeared like they had the advantage, but the results were the stark opposite.

Lin Yiran was quiet, not dumb. After a few rounds, she had already gotten the hang of it. Her memory is also extremely good; 108 cards, which cards had been played, which cards hadn’t, she could calculate them all inside her head. This plus my card skills, we were able to play together quite well.

The class captain of Class 6 sighed. “I didn’t think that honour students could be this good at cards as well.”

Lin Yiran was extremely excited, trying to hold back her laughter.

Us four played until almost four in the morning, and in our sleepiness, fell straight asleep onto the table and the window.

Even asleep, Lin Yiran kept her upright posture; I curled up next to her and despite my drowsiness, the experience was extremely unpleasant, sometimes sleeping, sometimes waking, and time slowly dragged itself into early morning.

Master Jia, Master Zhen, Zhang Jun and Huang Wei had already come over. They probably had a good night’s sleep, all of them looking refreshed. Ms Xing slept in the bed compartment whilst Mr Wang sat in the hard seat and they had now swapped over to let Mr Wang take a break.

Ms Xing discussed with them in a low voice, asking if they could let the other students borrow their beds to sleep for a while. All four had no problems with it and since there were so many people, Ms Xing couldn’t just appoint anyone so she let those four take care of it themselves.

The four obviously gave their tickets first to other classmates that they were close to. Zhang Jun walked over and passed his ticket onto Shen Yuanzhe. I was quite shocked; it turned out they weren’t just acquaintances.

Shen Yuanzhe didn’t push it back and asked, “Do you mind if I give it to a girl first?”

Zhang Jun smiled and shook his head, “Up to you.” 

Shen Yuanzhe passed the ticket to Lin Yiran. “You go sleep for a while.”

Lin Yiran looked at me awkwardly. I smiled and pushed her. “Hurry up, I kept turning around last night so you probably couldn’t sleep well either. I’ll go sleep after you.”

Lin Yiran went to the bed compartment and left her seat vacant. Shen Yuanzhe waved at Zhang Jun to sit, and he actually sat down, right next to me. I felt a little depressed and wanted to leave but he sat on the outside so if I left, I’d have to actually talk to him. 

The class captain of Class 6 was still sleeping against the window of the compartment. Shen Yuanzhe, on the other hand, didn’t appear tired at all and chatted with Zhang Jun. I felt strangely annoyed and leaned on the table to sleep. Shen Yuanzhe helped me clear up the things on the table and asked, “Do you want to eat something first?”

I covered my head and said, “It’s ok.”

Everyone crowded up to play cards again. A six seater had eight squished in it, the four seater managed to fit five. On the outside I appeared to be sleeping but I was actually listening to any movements from Zhang Jun.

Finally, both Shen Yuanzhe and Zhang Jun were dragged over to play poker and the seats next to me were left open. I grabbed some books as a pillow, curled my body up with my feet on the seats across me and tried my best to sleep. And I was truly sleepy; despite the noise in the compartment and my awkward sleeping position, I was able to fall into a deep sleep.

When I woke up, it was already afternoon. Some of the guys were singing, some girls commenting on the results of their fortune-telling. Maybe they lost or something, a girl shouted, “Master Jia, are you a pig? How could you put down some cards as bad as those?”

Still young, the outside society having limited influences on us and all of us with excellent grades, everyone was full of confidence for the future. Even though they were referred to as Master Jia and Master Zhen, no one really cared. 

I closed my eyes and smiled. In such a tiny compartment squished with thirty or so teenagers, there was such a marvelous experience.

The summer air within the compartment was stiflingly hot and normal trains back then didn’t have air conditioning, so my sleep resulted in me being soaked with sweat. I sat up, drowsy and got some water to drink. After a few mouthfuls, putting on my glasses, I finally realised that on this four-seater, there only sat two people. And the person opposite me was Zhang Jun!

When did he get here? Why wasn’t he playing cards?

I was so surprised that I didn’t know how to react, staring at him, dumbfounded.

We stared at each other expressionlessly for a few seconds before my blank brain finally came back online. I bent over, took out my toiletries and left for the bathroom. When I came back, I did not return to my original seat. Instead, I pretended to want to see someone fortune-telling and randomly found an empty seat and sat down.

Zhang Jun was still sitting there, staring outside the window, his mind on something that kept him just sitting there alone.

Quite a while later, when a card game was missing a person and someone called out to him, did he finally leave.

Seeing that he had left, I took my toiletries and returned to my seat.

Lin Yiran returned from the bed compartment and gave the ticket back to Shen Yuanzhe. He asked me if I wanted to sleep, I shook my head, “I’ve slept enough.”

He passed the ticket back to Zhang Jun. Zhang Jun glanced at me, took the ticket and gave it to another girl. Everyone rotated to sleep in the bed compartment, and with the vacant seats from the people who went to play cards, everyone basically managed to get a rest.

For the rest of the train trip, I slept or read and avoided all contact with Zhang Jun.